On episode 43, Alissa from Florida, has been an entrepreneur her entire adult life and has never worked for anyone but herself since she graduated college. She was a hairdresser for 18 years then started a fabric store for more freedom. She wanted a child.
She dated but didn’t have anyone serious in her life until her early thirties. She found someone she thought was “the one”, but he moved out of state for a job opportunity, and she didn’t want to go with him, so they parted ways. At 34, she owned a house, a car and a business. She decided she could have a baby on her own, but she needed to decide who she wanted to have a baby with. She made a list. She knew several of her friends that would be good sperm donors that wouldn’t want to be an everyday dad, and she was fine with that. And then, an ex-boyfriend from college contacted her. She jokingly mentioned ‘the list’ when he wanted a baby too, but with a wife. She was intrigued about the possibility, so they began dating again. She got pregnant eight months into the relationship. At 13 weeks she miscarried. Two months later she was pregnant again but miscarried at six weeks. She was convinced she couldn’t have children but all she wanted was to be a mother. She dated others. She concluded she was trying to find a father instead of finding a man that was right for her. The night before her 40th birthday, she got into an argument with her boyfriend of a year on vacation. She decided she didn’t need a man to make a family and left him at the hotel. That was the moment she knew she was having a baby on her own.
I was so sure I wasn’t going to get pregnant, that I looked at which kids were available for adoption.
She went to a fertility clinic after her miscarriages to see if they could find a reason for them, but she didn’t love the clinic. After her birthday she found a clinic she loved. She started the testing process again to make sure she could get pregnant. They gave her the ok to look at sperm donors. She then thought about family traits. She wanted to find someone that was tall, light eyes, and Greek genes like hers would be a bonus. She loved the first profile she viewed, and he seemed like someone she could date. She was so close to purchasing it right then and there. Fear stopped her. She looked at others but none of them ‘sparked joy,’ as she put it. Her clinic gave this profile the ok. Then she had to speak with a social worker and bought 3 units of sperm with six months of storage. Her fertility doctor talked her into an IUI when she wanted to go straight to IVF. She had a full breakdown on her drive home from that meeting. It’s not going to work. She was ugly crying. Three hours later, they called her back to confirm her blood work looked great to proceed. She took her pills without any research because she knew it wasn’t going to work. She was so sure it wasn’t going to work; she already began looking at adoption options. After a while, the doctor said her eggs are growing, but they are not big enough. They keep telling her they are not growing, they are too small, this one might work, this one started to deform. She was confused, but that meant she was about to ovulate. It was trigger shot time and the next day was going to be her IUI. She was shocked it was happening tomorrow. This is really happening! Her sister gave her the trigger shot and went with her for the IUI.
Holy shit, it worked! I was prepared for it to NOT work!
The weekend after the IUI, Alissa had a trip booked with her sister and nephews in Memphis. She had a great time. She remembers smelling weed everywhere she went. Everything smelled terrible to her. Her smell was super heightened. She wondered if she was pregnant and thought it might have worked. The next week, when they got home, she was dizzy every day. She couldn’t wait to go to the doctor and get blood work back to find out if she was pregnant. She took an at-home test. It was positive. This might have worked, so she went online to research. She worried it was positive because of the trigger shot, so she took several tests following that. They were all positive. She had prepared herself for it NOT to work, so she was not mentally prepared. That Monday she went in for her HGC levels. They called her three hours later to tell her she was pregnant. That was three weeks before she turned 41.
Alissa went to a new OBGYN for her pregnancy care. Her sister is a nurse practitioner, and she did her OB/GYN rounds at this office. Alissa made an appointment with this doctor and just instantly loved it. She loved everyone in the office, doctors, and nurses, because they made her feel so comfortable. The nurses were so nice. They made her feel cared for. The first nurse she met here, she instantly made her feel very comfortable. She didn’t feel like a number, and the nurse told her just because of her age doesn’t make her high risk. Her bloodwork looked great, and she was healthy. Alissa was worried about her weight and her age. The nurse told her not to worry.
Alissa cried through her first ultrasound seeing the yolk sac while her sister told her to open her eyes. Her sister was with her through most of the ultrasounds. She graduated from the fertility doctor at 10 weeks and went to a ‘real doctor’ she says through a laugh. She said it was terrible because she couldn’t see her baby as often. She had to wait four weeks for the next ultrasound. It was very stressful. At her first intake appointment with her regular OB/GYN at 10 or 11 weeks. She had NIPT testing because of her age. She wanted to know any issue right away, so she could be prepared for anything. She always pictured herself traveling with her son. She was right, it was a boy. It was a dream come true.
It was easy. I gained six pounds my entire pregnancy.
The rest of her pregnancy was easy! She didn’t get nauseous but had sore breasts the entire pregnancy. She had energy, she was on her feet all day, and was tired, but it was a normal tired. Her skin was clear, her hair was lovely, and she was in a good mood all the time. She was just happy she was pregnant. It was a great pregnancy, and she was very thankful. She gained six pounds her entire pregnancy. She says she ate a little better than normal during pregnancy. She had fruit and veggies every day and made her own meals and drank a lot of water. She does admit to having a Diet Pepsi every day.
She was sure being 5’4” and a size 14 she would have no problems birthing. She knew what labor was from her miscarriage and thought she can handle the pain. To prepare, she would do figure eights as she sat on her yoga ball for the last four weeks of pregnancy. She took an online birthing class for first-time moms that she says she mostly fast forwarded through. She also read hypnobirthing. She was there for her sister during her pregnancies, so she was confident with birth and babies.
At 39 weeks, she went in at 9:00 pm on a Monday night to be induced. Her sister and mom were there for support. The doctor wanted to give her Cervidil to start. Her sister had that too, but it didn’t do anything and ended up with a c-section. She worried the same thing would happen to her. Her cervix was so high the doctor could barely reach it. Labor wasn’t happening after twelve hours. Baby was head down but she had extra fluid. They gave Alissa Cytotec next. After four hours, the baby’s head was in her hip. The doctor told her to get up and walk the halls. She walked for an hour and a half, got on the yoga ball, did squats… Once the baby was head down again, she was ready for Cytotec round 2. After 30 minutes, she was told to walk the halls again. Something was working as she felt contractions begin. She was sure everything was working. The baby’s heartrate was starting to increase slightly. After four hours, she was 1 cm dilated. She was sure she was further along. Her cervix was starting to thin, so she began Cytotec round 3 at 10 pm. It felt like lighting from the bellybutton down. It was so painful. She was having 1.5 minute contractions every two minutes with no breaks. The baby’s heartrate was increasing, and she wasn’t tolerating it well. She wanted to be on all fours. She began to vomit. They wanted her on her back, but she wanted out of the bed. It made it worse by not being able to move around. The baby was not tolerating it well and they were going to give her meds to slow contractions. They checked her and she was two centimeters, but she was fully effaced. The doctor came in and said that even though she was not that far along, he would give her an epidural because she was so uncomfortable. When she got the epidural, the baby tanked. His heart dropped with every contraction. So, about three minutes after her epidural, there was quite a few more nurses in her room. They were turning her, flipping her over trying to figure out which position got his heart rate back up. They were worried that the cord was wrapped around his neck. They made her get on all fours, but her legs were numb from the epidural. They flipped her like a hotdog, but the baby wasn’t better. There were more nurses in the room wiping her down and said she was probably going to have a C-Section. A patient in the next room was having problems too, but Alissa was taken back for the c-section. By this point, the contractions were so bad, she wanted the baby cut out. Her sister was in the OR with her. She was shivering so bad, she felt like her jaw was locked up. The doctors asked if she could feel anything and began the c-section. The doctor cut her open and when she reached in to grab him, he flipped again. He was a meconium baby. She said it was like swamp water that poured out of her. They pulled him out and showed Alissa her son. He didn’t have a great Apgar score, but after a few minutes, he was fine. They got her son wrapped up and laid him next to her. It was the best she says. She got to hear him cry. He was not happy about being out. She was shocked he had golden blonde hair. He was born at 2 am, 21 inches long and 7 lbs 11 oz.
By the time she got to recovery, he latched right away. Alissa had a breast reduction when she was 21, so she was worried if she’d be able to nurse. He had low blood sugar, probably due to the meconium, so she had to supplement right away. She wasn’t bleeding much and everything seemed fine, so she was scheduled to go home the next day. There was someone coming and going in her room every thirty minutes, so she couldn’t sleep. She just wanted to sleep! She went home the next day at 5 pm.
Alissa’s mom stayed the first night with her. She was sore but could pick him up ok. She had a bassinet with zipper walls for easy access from the bed. She had a really good recovery as well. She wanted to figure it out on her own and she did. She nursed and supplemented pretty much from the beginning. The first doctor’s visit was great and she is healing well. Her only question to him was: when did she get to drive. She didn’t want to be dependent on her family. She had a friend that is a lactation consultant that she helped her with different holding positions. She had so many visitors at her house when she first got home. Everyone wanted to help her. It was too many for her. She said, “I love you all, but get out of my house, please. I need a break.” She was used to living alone.
She didn’t have any post-partum depression. She cried in the beginning, but it was more tears of joy. There was so much emotion, but not depression. Everything has gone well, and she feels so lucky. She has a lot of support.
Now, her son is 14 weeks and still nursing. He’s a great baby, she says. She believes it’s easier not having a partner. She doesn’t have to worry about a baby effecting another relationship. It’s just her and her son, but she does have two units of sperm left.
Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram
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