On episode 61, Ashlee’s journey to motherhood started when she was just 24 years old. Today, at 40, she’s an assistant principal with a three-month-old, along with a 15; a 13; a 10 and an 8 year old. In 2020, her fifth pregnancy and birth was a surrogacy. She met her husband, William when her family moved next door to his family back in 1996. They were childhood friends and literally grew up together. Her brothers were close friends, as well as herself, and would hang out, explore the woods, and build forts. William got on her nerves when they were young, but by the time she was 15, things changed. They became boyfriend and girlfriend and then married in her early twenties in 2006. Their parents still live next door to each other, so holidays are really easy. Her children think everybody’s grandparents live next door to each other.
After the birth of her fourth child, she thought her family was complete. Although, she loved being pregnant because they were always easy. She enjoyed the whole process from start to finish. Carrying a baby and going through everything, even labor, was something that she really enjoyed. She saw others on social media who were going through the process, and it was on her heart. She felt God was leading her somewhere, but she was waiting for the pieces to fall into place. She saw something for an agency and matched with a wonderful couple out of Jacksonville. They had a lot in common. She lived about an hour and half away from the couple, so it was very convenient for her to go back and forth to the fertility clinic to do the transfer. The first and only transfer took. They’re great friends to this day and was one of the most beautiful things she has ever done. It was a real blessing for her to know she helped grow their family. Even after giving birth to their daughter, she didn’t feel any emptiness or feel anything was missing with her family. The doctors even asked her if she wanted her tubes tied, and she’s glad she said no. At the time, she thought she was done having kids, but she knew God might have other plans. The couple now has a 3-year-old little daughter.
There was this fear to even allow myself to hope or dream for a baby.
Ashlee’s husband wanted two children, but Ashlee wanted six. She had always wanted a large family, so they settled on four children. Two years after her surrogacy was when she considered having another baby. She felt like someone was missing. Her youngest was in first grade when he wrote a letter to Santa that was published in the local newspaper. His letter said, “Dear Santa, I’ve been really good this year. All I want is a baby brother, a real one. Love, Henry.” Since it was in the local newspaper, all of her family saw it. At first, she thought of it as a joke. There was the tiny little seed of the idea already beginning to grow in her heart. Her son’s letter just gave life to it. Ashlee and her husband talked about it, and she spoke about it with her older daughters. She wanted to make sure she had enough time with all her children and wanted them to know what it would look like if they added a baby to their family. They were excited and on board with it. She wanted to at least try and see if it was possible. Ashlee really wanted another baby, but she was afraid to dream.She thought she was probably too told, but she wanted to give it a shot. It was similar to their other conceptions where it was just a month or two of tracking ovulation. Her cycles were pretty regular. She used the Clear Blue Easy ovulation predictor strips. She was mostly just using the calendar and tracking her basal temperature just to pinpoint that perfect day. A couple of weeks later, there was a positive pregnancy test about Thanksgiving of 2022. She felt gratitude, fear of the unknown, and she was surprised it really did work. Her husband didn’t believe it at first. A couple of pregnancy tests later, he embraced it.
Ashlee describes this pregnancy as smooth and easy. They labeled her right off the bat, ‘Advanced maternal age’ which included the extra appointments. She could tell a little bit of difference in her energy level. She never had morning sickness with any of her pregnancies. She had a little bleeding at seven weeks which was scary. She went to the doctor who told her it was a sub chronic hemorrhage which is like a little blood bubble. The doctor ensured her it’s very common. Towards the end, she was seeing her OB twice a week. She had gained a little bit more weight this time, but she assumes that because she’s less active than previous babies. She really tried to be very conscientious about what she ate, how much water she drank and tried to stay active as much as possible.
She went to the same OB that she used for all the other babies. She had a midwife with some of her natural deliveries, but with the surrogacy pregnancy, she had to use an OB. With the last baby being a c-section, her age, and the number of pregnancies she’s had, her doctor recommended another c-section. Ashlee thinks she could have had a VBAC, but believes a c-section was the best for her health and the health of the baby. She felt at peace with a planned c-section and that nothing wild would happen at delivery time.
Ashlee used magnesium cream to help with leg cramps at night. She also recommends a Haakaa. It’s a breastfeeding milk catcher. When nursing the baby on one side, you stick this on the other breast to collect milk. It’s not really a pump, it’s just a milk catcher. Without the Haakaa, you leak on the other side anyway. You just squeeze it with a light suction, and it collects a good ounce or two. Ashlee uses it every time she nurses and had a good 40-50 bags in the freezer before she went back to work without pumping.
She found out the gender while she was pregnant. Another young mom at her school told her about the sneak peek gender test. It wasn’t available in 2015 when she had her last baby. She ordered the kit online and mailed back a sample of her blood. She was ready to buy stuff and start planning for the baby. She has three girls and one boy, so she wanted to know early on what the ratio would be in the house. A week later she got the email with the results. She couldn’t wait for her husband to come home and opened it with her daughters, “Congratulations, you’re having a boy!” After seeing the results, she screamed, “Henry, you got your little brother you asked for in your Santa Letter!” Her husband later came home with blue balloons and a little note.
Ashlee took off work a week or two before her scheduled c-section. She spent one-on-one time with each of her children. It was important to her that she have this time with each child before the baby arrived. It was a yes-day for them. She asked them what they wanted to do and made sure to spend some time to discuss the baby. Her school surprised her with a baby shower. She wasn’t expecting it for her fifth baby, but she was starting all over again.
The doctor wanted her to have a c-section at 39 weeks, but it was a holiday week. Ashlee was scheduled for a soft c-section at 38 weeks and 5 days. That included playing music, lowering the lights, and skin to skin. It was an option to make it as intimate and gentle as they could for surgery. She didn’t ask them to lower the lights because she wanted them to be able to see what they were doing. Skin-to-skin was important to her right when he came out. They were able to pull her hospital gown down and put her baby on her chest. Her husband helped hold him. The baby stayed on her chest while they were sewing her up. She didn’t feel any separation from him. They took her son to finish up the vitals and met him in the recovery room. She nursed right away and he latched quickly. It was important to her that she had the golden hour right after birth to bond with her son, and she was glad she got that. Her son weighed 8lbs. 4 oz.
Ashlee’s recovery from the c-section wasn’t a walk in the park. Her first c-section, as a surrogate, she focused on healing and didn’t have to take care of a baby. This time was different because she would have her son to take care of in addition to her healing. Every 24 hours she felt so much better than the 24 hours before. She stayed in the hospital for any extra day because she wanted all the help she could get which made a big difference. The first 48 hours were rough, but the nurses stayed on the pain medication.
She bought a hand pump because the baby needed to eat and she was feeding him constantly. She wasn’t sure what to expect with breastfeeding because she didn’t breastfeed with the surrogacy baby. Her milk came in while she was at the hospital only two days later. She went home with 16 vials of colostrum. The staff respected her decision that she wanted to exclusively breastfeed and have the baby in her room the whole time. Back home, her husband, children, friends, and family were very supportive. So many families brought her food.
Mentally, Ashlee is doing well. She feels like she’s in a space of such gratitude. She is so grateful to be able to have a baby at this age. She likes to describe her son as a bonus baby.
Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram
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