Orla’s Pregnancy at 41 after Three Doctors Said She Couldn’t Have Children and Baby Loss

On episode 71, Orla is from Western Ireland living in the UK with her husband Stuart and their two children: Lockann is four years old and her rainbow baby, Aibhlinn is 11 months old. Her four angles are Regan, Rylie (twins) Quinn and Callen. She is also a dog mom to Molly who was three in January.

Three doctors told Orla they didn’t think she could ever have children. She was diagnosed with endometriosis, stage three in her early thirties. She had so much pain with endometriosis that she begged to have a hysterectomy. The doctor didn’t want to do it because he wanted to give her a chance to have a family. She had been single for four years and never thought she would meet the right guy. Orla says she never had much luck with men. In her late 30’s, Orla met her husband on Tinder in 2018. Before she went on their first date, she told him that if he wanted children, she probably was not the best person for him because her endometriosis is getting worse. It was a whirlwind romance. They met and hit it off right away. At the time she met Stuart, she was going through trauma therapy for domestic abuse and past PTSD. She pushed him away, but he kept coming back. He gave her the space she needed. She did intense narrative exposure therapy for four months to deal with her past. Afterwards, she felt like she could move on, and he moved in.

In December 2018, she had surgery for endometriosis and her septum uterus. The doctor surgically divided the septum which she was told reduced the risk of miscarriage from 40% to 25%. Afterwards, her doctor said, “you have the tiniest ovaries I’ve ever seen. It would be a miracle if you released an egg.” Those were his exact words. If she wasn’t pregnant in three months, he wanted to refer her for IVF. She’d only been with Stuart for less than a year. She didn’t know what to do. She knew that Stewart was the one she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. He felt the same, so they tried to conceive six weeks after she healed from surgery. Before her next cycle started, her favorite tea was making her nauseous. She thought maybe they should take a test. She took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. She burst into tears. Just five hours later, she got a call from home that her grandmother had passed away that same day. It was a day filled with happy and sad news. She told her mother she was pregnant at the funeral. Her mother told her, her grandmother said there was a baby coming into the family before she passed away. It was a very emotional and physically draining pregnancy. It was a miracle that she carried her son for 38 weeks when they thought she could only carry him for 28 weeks.

People shouldn’t compare grief.

It was in August 2020 when her son was eight months old, she was 39, and she and her husband wanted to try for a sibling. The same thing happened: Her favorite tea made her nauseous and her boobs were sore. She was in a department store when she had to use the toilet. There was bright red blood that wouldn’t stop. It happened with her son, so she tried to relax. She called the early pregnancy unit and they said, unless you’re bleeding golf ball size amounts of blood, it’s nothing to worry about. She had an early scan because she wouldn’t stop bleeding. She was miscarrying TWO babies, twin girls. Because she was bleeding so much, they wanted her to have another scan in 7-10 days. There was no heartbeat for either baby. Their wedding was a week later. She married Stuart anyway. Orla doesn’t have any wedding pictures up in the house because she was still carrying the twins. It was an incomplete miscarriage. She declined a DNC and instead wanted nature to take its course. It didn’t happen, but she was admitted to the hospital via an ambulance. Her husband wasn’t allowed anywhere near her because of covid and lockdown. She says it was the most horrific, traumatic, devastating experience of her life. They sent her home in the middle of the night, right before midnight after they ‘got rid of the products of conception.’ She was scheduled for a manual evacuation in November. Again, her husband couldn’t be with her because of the covid restrictions. She had the procedure alone. Orla never returned to that hospital.

Her PTSD was triggered again by the trauma of baby loss. Her nightmares just got worse and worse. She wasn’t able to work. After losing the twins, she buried her emotions. She’ll be 17 years sober. Going through something as traumatic as baby loss, she didn’t want to drink, but she was getting closer to going insane. That’s when she leaned into her spirituality that really helped her heal. Orla saw a reiki therapist. It helped her so much, that Orla is now qualified to help other women in the same way. For her, medication wasn’t the answer. She tried antidepressants, but they didn’t work. She upped her Reiki sessions after losing the twins to help with her grief and trauma. Her relationship with her husband struggled emotionally and physically. She just didn’t want him near her, including being intimate. A hug would just make her cringe. She adopted a puppy for the family. It was a needed distraction. It wasn’t to replace any of her losses, but she felt she had so much love to give. Orla was terrified her puppy was going to die. She became terrified anyone was going to die since she’s lost her twins. It massively changed her relationship with her son. She was terrified something would happen. She wouldn’t even leave him in a friend’s company. She was just that anxious, that anxiety of losing babies and two lives. She even worried about her husband. She received baby loss counseling for two years. She took a course called Pathway to Recovery after losing the twins. It was helpful to heal.

She and her husband were just devastated. She didn’t feel like time was on her side because of stage three endometriosis, and she was almost 40. She had her miracle baby, but she wanted to try again. She was pregnant again, but at just over six weeks, an early scan showed the baby had no heartbeat. It was another girl she named Quinn. She didn’t think it was bad luck anymore. She called her GP to let them know about the miscarriage. Orla begged the doctor to refer her to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. He said she needed to lose three babies for the referral. Orla snapped back, “what do you think twins are?!” She had lost three babies. She wanted it to count. There is another clause that the patient must be over a certain age which she met that requirement. After arguing her case, she was given the referral.

Orla saw Professor Quenby, who was absolutely amazing. She found out that she had a deficiency with vitamin D, which she was told can cause baby loss. They corrected that by taking high strength vitamin D. She also put Orla in an endometriosis trial to see if that was causing the miscarriages. To participate in the trial she had to be under 42 and abstain from intercourse. While she didn’t feel like she had time, at almost 40, she also didn’t want to have another loss, so she agreed. They did a biopsy to confirm whether she had endometriosis. Then she received either Doxycycline (antibiotic) or the placebo. It was a blind test, so she didn’t know which she was given. It was confirmed she was diagnosed with endometriosis as well as endometritis. That August, she started the medication for the treatment. The medication made her feel sick, so she assumes she was given the antibiotic. She was too sick to attend the final biopsy to confirm if the medication worked or not.

FUN FACT: There is light at the end of the tunnel, and even in the darkness there is always light. That beacon of light is called hope to her. This is tattooed it on her foot. It’s on her foot with a sunflower that there is this beacon of lights, which is called Hope.

After the medical trial, she took a bit of time off. She was told by the consultant that she noticed her struggle with mental illness. The doctor had her go on progesterone the minute she got a positive pregnancy test to help with the baby sticking. They were convinced that’s what would keep her from losing the baby. She became pregnant for the fourth time. A week after taking progesterone, at six weeks along, she miscarried. It was boy she named Callen. The doctor highly suggested she take a break, so they did. She resigned from nursing to be with her son and be grateful for the family she had. Just before her 17^th recovery birthday (sober), they had a stay-cation where saw Postmodern Jukebox and stayed in a hotel while her mother-in-law babysat. Orla needed the break. That was the night her rainbow baby was conceived. Just before her 41^st birthday, she felt sick when she ate and almost threw up while she was at the playground with her son. It was so bad that she vomited into the sink when she got home. She told her husband that night in bed. He wanted to go out and get a pregnancy test. Her cycle was due to start the next day, but her husband didn’t want to wait. The test was positive. She looked at him. He looked at her, and they both burst into tears. She needed another test for confirmation. The next pregnancy test in the morning was also positive. She couldn’t believe it. She went on progesterone immediately again.

She called the clinic that day to tell them she was going to start the progesterone. She was terrified because she had taken it before and miscarried. She used the technique she learned in the Worst Girl Gang to stay positive and breath. She also downloaded an app with pregnancy after loss affirmations. It helped her believe this was going to be okay. Her husband was positive that this would be their rainbow baby. She continued to take progesterone even though it made her feel sick. Her scan was three days after her birthday. She was terrified when she got to the hospital for the scan. It was all triggering for her. Someone suggested she write down her story of her four losses and that she was triggered by the scanning room and to give it to the scanner, so she didn’t have to talk to them. She handed them the paper. She told them she needed to hear the heartbeat, if there was one to put her at ease. She heard a strong heartbeat on her little Aibhlinn. Aibhlinn is Irish and means a gift wished for or longed for. It’s a name they had picked when they decided to try for another baby. Orla thought she was seven weeks, but the scan showed she was eight weeks and one day. She was due on February 7th, her grandad’s birthday. Her 10-week scan was by Professor Quenby, and she couldn’t believe Orla was in her office. Orla told her that she wanted to hear the heartbeat right away, and it was a strong one. She was told to take the progesterone until her 16-week scan. Her husband kept telling her that everything would be fine. They finally told Stuart’s family that she was pregnant because she saw them regularly. At 33 weeks she was still able to walk their dog. She was exhausted throughout the pregnancy. She was still at high risk of delivering early with Aibhlinn. She announced they were expecting on Rainbow Baby Day.

Orla was scheduled to have her planned c-section at 39 weeks. When Orla went in for her last scan at the clinic, they told her she couldn’t go home. The baby was transverse which means the baby was orientated horizontal. It was very painful. If she went into labor, it would be an emergency. She was terrified. She didn’t want to stay in the hospital. She was admitted at 36 weeks. She was given steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop. The nurse told her the baby could turn so she could deliver naturally. She argued that she wasn’t have the baby naturally. The baby was reducing her movement further, so Orla was monitored further. She was terrified her baby would be stillborn. At 37 weeks one day, she had a spinal after she was wheeled into theater for the c-section because of the low movement. She was a bag of nerves as she described it. Her husband assured her the baby was going to be perfect, but Orla was so sure there was going to be a problem. Her baby was delivered screaming! Orla couldn’t believe she was finally here. She and her husband burst into tears. They didn’t find much of any endometriosis before they sewed her. During the c-section she lost over a liter of blood, so she needed a transfusion. That was the only complication.

In recovery, Orla had her baby laying on her chest for skin to skin. Breastfeeding was a challenge for her the first time. Because Aibhlinn was early, she didn’t prepare or preserve the colostrum. Her milk took a while to come in. The midwife kept putting Aibhlinn on her breast anyway. They decided if Aibhlinn couldn’t breastfeed, she would give her formula. Breastfeeding her first affected her mental health, so she didn’t want that to happen this second time. The baby was so hungry that Orla gave her the formula she had brought with her. The baby took it straight away. She decided to do formula and breastfeed. She had a lot of anxiety and was terrified something was going to happen to her daughter. Although the baby was in the same room as her, she was terrified. Orla stared at her constantly. Her counsellor let her borrow a breathing monitor that was put under the baby mattress. It put her mind at ease.

Orla had an electrical stimulation to enhance her c-section wound. She had it on for about seven days which helped her heal. She went outdoors with Aibhlinn when she was six days old. She was put on Plexane, an anticoagulant because she lost so much blood during the c-section. She also was on iron tablets because her blood level was down. She had a longer recovery with Aibhlinn.

Mentally today, Orla is good. She was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She gets so cold that her legs go numb. She also has trouble with movements like washing her hair and walking. She has extreme fatigue, too. All of it has taken a while to adjust to a new routine. All in all, she is doing well. Now that her daughter is moving around a lot more, there’s no need to have the monitor because she can hear her moving. She has a video monitor now. She is excited for Aibhlinn’s first Christmas where she hopes she’ll be taking her first steps. Orla believes her family isn’t complete because there are four missing children. She says she is a Mom of six because she has four angels. Her memorial for her four angles is a fairy village in her front garden.

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