Tara’s Low Follicle Count and Low AMH to Her Natural Pregnancy at 40 and Her Pregnancy at 44 with Donor Eggs

On episode 75, Tara grew up in a very small town in Massachusetts. She moved away to attend college at Northeastern in Boston. She moved out to Denver, Colorado almost 11 years ago when she was looking for a job after she completed her MBA. She met her husband in Denver and created their family there. She and her husband, Mitch have two children together. She conceived her first child at 40 naturally, Saylor, who is six. She had her son Jensen, at 44 who just turned two in December and was conceived using an egg donor.

FREE GUIDE TO NAVIGATING THE DONOR EGG PROCESS

Fun Fact: Tara and Jeannie from episode 65 are friends who met through the donor conception support group their fertility clinic provided. At first, she was a little bit skeptical about joining a support group. In the end, it was probably one of the best things she has ever done. Both her and her husband thrived in it and looked forward to it every month. Tara formed two really amazing friends from that experience.

From an early age, Tara assumed she was going to have issues having children. Her mother and grandmother both went into menopause in their early 40’s. This was always in the back of her head, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Egg freezing wasn’t a thing when she was in her 20’s. She moved to Denver when she was 35 where she met with a few women who had frozen their eggs. She also realized she had a lot of benefits with the company she had started working for. They didn’t cover the egg storage, but it did cover the medication, shots, medical appointments, ultrasounds covered all that, which was very surprising. She didn’t have a lot of time, so she had to think long and hard about freezing her eggs. She was now 36 but never had her fertility checked. She knew she wanted children but she was still single. She talked to her parents about it who were very supportive. As soon as she got the bloodwork back, she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be great, but it was a lot worse than she thought. For her egg retrieval she ended up with five eggs, but only three were viable. Just going through that whole process alone was a whirlwind of emotions. It wasn’t hard to do the shots, but it felt weird doing it alone. She had to find someone to bring her to the appointment. At the time, she didn’t really share a lot about it because she was new to the area and didn’t really know anyone yet. A nurse from the clinic followed up with her to suggest she should do another egg retrieval if she wanted more than one child someday. Tara had the same health benefits and a new year had started, so she agreed. For her second egg retrieval, she got three eggs again. She was disappointed. She frozen six eggs and thought it might get her one child some day.

She decided not to discuss her frozen eggs with anyone she dated, including the few relationships she had before her husband. She just kept it to herself because she was afraid this was going to scare someone away. She met her husband online when she was 38 and he was 28. She thought it was never going to last because he was younger. Their relationship took off fast, and they fell in love quickly. They talked about kids early in the relationship. She wanted to know if he wanted children because he was so much younger than her. He said he had never really given it any thought before because he hadn’t been with anyone he wanted to have children with. She took it as a yes. A couple of months later, they took their first trip together to Cabo. Tara felt like she had to tell him about her frozen eggs. She felt like she was hiding something from him, and it didn’t feel right. When she told him, he responded that he was a fertility baby. His mother had trouble getting pregnant and took fertility medication to conceive him. It was the easiest conversation she ever had about fertility. She believes the conversation brought their relationship to a whole other level. A year into their relationship, his mother asked him if he wanted to give Tara a ring first or give her a baby first. He was sure it was going to be a baby. Every doctor told her she had a less than 10 % chance of conceiving naturally, so she didn’t see a reason to be on birth control. Her AMH was super low. Her follicle count was also low at 7. They tried but didn’t try, as she put it. When she was 38, she was shocked she was became pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried at 9.5 weeks. She was still under the care of the fertility clinic, so they had the embryo tested. She had been on a lot of medication and felt like maybe one of the medications caused the miscarriage. She had a D&C and the embryo came back with trisomy 14 which is rare. She was glad it wasn’t something genetic with her or her husband. With her six frozen eggs still an option, she wanted to try again with her husband. The clinic suggested waiting for her next cycle before she purchased the medication. It had been two weeks and Tara still hadn’t started her cycle. The clinic wanted her to come in for bloodwork, but she never mention to take a pregnancy test. The nurse called Tara an hour later to tell her she was pregnant. She was at work, so she only scream internally. She called her husband to tell him the news, but he thought she was joking. She rushed home as soon as she could to celebrate. She was still petrified it would end the same as the last pregnancy.

She was so anxious the whole time. She thought she was the worst pregnant person because she was worried it was going to end every time she went in for a scan. The fertility clinic recommended the OB across the hall, and she clicked with Dr. Offredal right away. She had a lot in common. She told Tara she could come in any time. Tara had a really good pregnancy. She had just turned 40 in April and she had her in November. The doctor said there’s a higher chance of stillbirth after 39 weeks. Tara was open to a c-section and taking her earlier, it didn’t matter. She just wanted a healthy baby. At her 38-week appointment, she was very uncomfortable, so the doctor suggested inducing her that week. Her mother wanted to be there when she gave birth, so they flew her out. She went on a Sunday, but they asked her to come back at 11:00 pm when there was more room for her. It took 31 hours of labor to get her out, and she was probably an hour away from a c-section because she wasn’t dilating at all. She pushed for two and half hours. She came out and was beautiful.

Tara thought they were one and done. It wasn’t that she didn’t want a second, she just didn’t think it was possible to have another baby. It was a miracle Saylor was a natural conception. She wanted to be happy with just one. Tara would sit there and watch Saylor sleep because she was so anxious she would stop breathing. It was awful. She has a lot of anxiety, so it definitely came out after she was born. Tara began to think she was a much older parent than her own parents, but Saylor was such a great kid and thought it would be great to give her a sibling. Later that year, they decided to start trying again. This time she used ovulation sticks to calculate her window of opportunity and took quite a few supplements like CoQ10 and others. Shortly afterwards, she was pregnant again. Unfortunately, at the 9.5 week mark, there was no heartbeat again. Tara took it better this time because she had her daughter to focus on. It was her husband that took it much harder, but he wasn’t approved for bereavement time off. Tara had another D&C and had the embryo tested. The results came back with Down Syndrome and an extra chromosome.

Tara and her husband weren’t sure what do you after that. She thought about just being happy with her daughter, but she wanted to try a new clinic instead. She wanted to go back to CCR and try a round with just the two of them. Before she tried that, she used her six frozen eggs with her husband’s sperm to create embryos, but none made it to an embryo. Tara was shocked because these were her eggs from when she was 36. She wanted to do another egg retrieval. She never finished her chance because she became pregnant with her daughter. At 43, she got three eggs again for her egg retrieval, and they created one embryo. It was tested but came back with three abnormalities. Her doctor told her she had a 10% chance of getting a normal embryo. Tara thought about having another egg retrieval, but her doctor advised against it. She suggested looking at donor eggs. Tara had no idea what she was talking about. She had never heard of donor eggs. She and her husband thought about, and then 2020 came. Then she was not really thinking about it. One day at brunch, her husband asked her why they were waiting. He asked if it was because it was so expensive and they were scared. The very next day, Tara picked up the phone and called the therapist to schedule an appointment to discuss using donor eggs. At the appointment they discussed everything for 2 hours. The ultimate conclusion was that her husband thought Tara would look at another baby and not see herself in this baby. He was worried that would cause a lot of problems with her, but she wasn’t worried about that. She was more worried about things in the future, like how to talk to her daughter about being biological but her brother wasn’t. They both left the session feeling like they were on the same page.

She started the process the next day to use donor eggs. They began the process of the financial aspect and how to come up with the money. She knew they would figure that out but didn’t want to wait. They decided to look at donors through the fertility clinic’s donors which narrowed her options. There wasn’t a donor that looked like her, but it was also during 2020. Tara had gotten to know the lady that ran the donor database. Tara asked her if she would let her know about other donors coming up in the pipeline that she can’t see yet on the database. Tara also wanted frozen eggs because she just wanted one more child. They finally found a new donor and paid the day her profile went live. They had to wait a month or two for her to have her egg retrieval. The day before the donor was scheduled to have her egg retrieval, she got COVID. Her cycle was canceled. Tara didn’t want to wait three to four more months to schedule another egg retrieval. It took her over a month to select this donor. Tara chose a new donor within 48 hours. She had more donors to chose from that fit her criteria this time. The eggs at their clinic came in a cohort of 8. There was three leftover and were given the option of purchasing them for $1,000 each. Tara told them she’d take all three, and she’s so glad she did. Eight of the 11 eggs fertilized, six blastocysts. Three embryos were normal and one mosaic. There was two boys and two girls. Tara didn’t want the gender to be a surprise this time like it was with her first. They had one 6BB of each gender. Her husband suggested a boy, so they would have one of each. She agreed.

Tara had a transfer in April of 2021. The transfer was easier than the egg retrieval. She had a video of the doctor putting the catheter into her uterus that she showed her daughter. Tara decided to rest during her two week wait. Her mother flew out so Tara could rest. That two weeks sucked like it does for everybody. She had been following a lot of people on Instagram by that point and saw that they tested before their beta. She thought it would make her more nervous to test, so she never did. She drove through the sleet to the lab and then drove home for her first beta. She tried to work from home but could barely focus. The phone finally rang about 1 pm. It was the doctor. The nurse said she would call, so she assumed it didn’t work. Tara didn’t even let her finish her sentence before she told her she assumed it didn’t work. Her doctor told her it was ok and that she was pregnant. Tara ran down the stairs so fast to tell her husband that she almost fell on the way.

The next two-week wait to see the heartbeat was also tough. At five and a half weeks, Tara started bleeding pretty heavily. She knew it was over. She screamed out of fear. She called the clinic and was told to come in the next day for an ultrasound. Tara didn’t sleep that night. She went to the clinic the next day for the ultrasound. Tara just remembers seeing the sack and see a little dot and they could see the heartbeat. She had a sub chronic hemorrhage, which now that she’s read up on it, like 90% of the people doing IVF have it. Five days later she went back for her 6-weeks ultrasound. The baby had grown and the heartbeat was even better. She was still nervous until she got to the 12-week mark. Tara called her OB to transfer her care from the fertility clinic even though she hadn’t see her in a year. She didn’t want to make an appointment for 12-weeks. She was graduating from the clinic at 9-weeks and wanted to see her OB at 10-weeks. She told the lady on the phone to give the doctor that message and that she would understand. The doctor got the message and she got her appointment just as she had planned. She got an MFM right away this time because she was 44 and it was an IVF pregnancy. The alternating appointments gave her security in her pregnancy and care.

She was nauseous until 20 weeks. She calls it her grill-cheese phase because that was one of the few things she could get down. She exercised a lot when she was pregnant with her first. This time, it was just so much harder to exercise with a young child in the house. She felt better during her pregnancy with her first at 40. She was way more tired and sore with her pregnancy at 44. At 20 weeks, she had so much ligament pain, she thought she needed to go to the ER. At 37 weeks, her blood pressure was getting high. She went for her 37 weeks appointment and never went home. Her blood pressure was 184/90, she was tired but no obvious symptoms. She was swollen a bit but didn’t have the signs of high blood pressure. She asked if she could go home to pack a bag. Tara wanted to pick up her daughter from school, say goodbye, and pack a bag. The nurse gave her one hour.

Back at the hospital, the nurses wanted to monitor her and gave her magnesium. She said the magnesium made her feel like she had the flu. The next day, they wanted to induce her. Tara had already decided she wanted a doula to help with her anxiety and give her a calming presents. She was given the max dosage of Pitocin but wasn’t dilating. The doula stayed overnight which that was her limited. The next time Tara was checked, she was nine centimeters. She didn’t push for very long. Her son came out with the cord around his neck, but he was ok. She remembers watching them take him over to incubator and giving him oxygen. Her husband wasn’t able to cut the cord because of the concern with the baby. The placenta wouldn’t come out. After 45 minutes of pushing on her stomach to get it out, they brought in an ultrasound machine to see if there was anything left. There was a little bit, so they took what looks like an ice cream scoop to get out the rest of the placenta. She was cleared and given pain meds to rest. Her husband wanted to pick up their daughter and bring her back to the hospital while Tara rested, so he left. Minutes later, Tara rolled over and felt a gush come out of her. She knew there shouldn’t be any amniotic fluid left, so she managed to find the nurse call button to push it before she almost passed out. They nurse comes in to see blood all over the bed and floor. She was hemorrhaging, but Tara didn’t know it at the time. She knew something wasn’t right because the blood pressure machine kept going off. She lost 2 ½ liters. She gave the nurse her phone to call her husband to come back because she couldn’t. She had to sign papers in case they had to remove her uterus to save her. She wanted them to do whatever it meant to save her life. They wheeled her away and called ‘code white.’ Tara was taken to the OR while her husband was left in the room with the blood on the floor where he didn’t know anything for an hour. They kept her awake in the OR while she watched about 15 people work on her. There was still placenta left they needed to remove. She was kept on the table for an hour to make sure the bleeding stopped. If not, they would have to do a hysterectomy. They stopped the bleeding, but Tara was out of it. They were also weaning her off the sedation when she asked if anyone had updated her husband. They were trying to save her and forgot about him. Afterwards, she was taken to a recovery room that she remembers being super hot. It was nine o’clock when she got to hold her son for the first time. She was so tired, she could barely hold him.

She stayed a few days extra in the hospital to be monitored. She just needed a lot of rest. She felt weak and felt like she had the flu for a couple of weeks. She was given high blood pressure medication. Once she got home, of course she was exhausted but her blood pressure was back to normal. Tara’s milk didn’t come in while she was in the hospital. She sold her breast pump with only two uses: one for her daughter and once with her son. She wasn’t able to breastfeed. Tara had three months of maternity leave. Her company was sold while she was on leave and spent that time looking for a new job. She likes to joke that she and her son were both in diapers during her zoom interviews. She thinks she’s healed pretty well. She had an IUD put in because her cycles became very irregular after the birth of her son.

LISTEN ON ITUNES

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

“Your podcast gives me so much hope!” If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more women— just like you — have a better TTC experience to pregnancy in your 40’s. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about this episode!