On episode 77, Shirley lives in Fontana, California and has a 32-year old son and two daughter’s with her wife. Shirley is a mother of three who was pregnant when she was 20, 47 and 49. At 20, she lived with her parents, and her mother was very abusive. She describes her life as a mess back then. It was very traumatic how she got pregnant. She found out when she was three months along and moved out immediately. She knew if she stayed, her mother would marry her off, and she didn’t want that to happen. She didn’t intend to keep the pregnancy. She missed the window to terminate the pregnancy, and now she has a 32-year-old son that means everything to her. She says he saved her life.
Shirley started dating her wife 12 years ago, and they talked about starting a family five years into their relationship. Her wife told her she might not be able to carry a baby because of fertility issues that run in her family. They went to a clinic to have both of them tested. The doctor instantly said they couldn’t use Shirley’s eggs because she was 46. The doctor said her wife’s egg reserve at 36 was very low. They knew that might be a problem, but she still wanted to try. The doctor told her they would have to wait six months before they could test Shirley’s wife again. She wasn’t sure what the process was, but her friend suggested to go to her friend’s clinic that helped her have a baby. She had her first appointment at her friend’s clinic with a little more knowledge. The doctor gave her wife a 1% chance of being able to get pregnant and carry to full term. Shirley told the clinic she planned to carry the baby using her wife’s eggs. After an internal exam on Shirley, the doctor asked her if she was sure she was 46. He said by the looks of her uterus, she’s not 46 and was really healthy. The doctor said based on Shirley’s age, they only had a 50% chance. Shirley and her wife were willing to try with those odds.
Shirley’s wife is in law enforcement and works a lot, so the task of choosing a sperm donor was Shirley’s who became very overwhelmed. Shirley wanted someone with characteristics that were similar to hers, but her wife wanted someone who was more like herself. Shirley explained to her that if she was her husband and they chose some with a little bit of her, then the baby would have a little bit of each of them. Shirley narrowed it down to five donors but didn’t want to make the decision on her own. On a holiday weekend, Shirley and her wife looked at them together and narrowed it down to two donors. There was a compatibility issue with one of the donors, so it was an easy decision to select the other donor.
Her wife had two egg retrievals. The first one, they got five eggs, three fertilized, but only got one embryo. Before the second egg retrieval, her wife wanted to change a few things hoping for better results: she went vegan, stopped drinking, and got a little bit more healthy. The second egg retrieval they got eight eggs, three fertilized, and three embryos were created. There were three girls and one boy total. The gender didn’t matter to either of them, and they wanted to transfer the best embryo.
The healthiest embryo was a girl embryo from the first cycle. The two-week wait was hell as Shirley describes it. It was so hard. She didn’t want to take a chance of false results if she tested too soon or just not getting the right result and being devastated or two excited. She decided to hear the results from the doctor. She binged-watched a lot of shows for those two weeks and slept a lot. She tried to keep herself busy. The doctor tried to call her several times. They were together at store and somehow missed the call. She called the doctor back, and put it on speaker since her wife was with her. Shirley was pregnant! They cried standing in the baby aisle in Walmart. It was amazing. The baby was nicknamed Baby Panda.
Shirley had a good pregnancy at 47. She had a high risk doctor the entire time, as well as the OB. The first trimester Shirley had a rare side effect to the progesterone. Her doctor prescribed her a suppository called Crinone which caused her the worst pain starting at four weeks. She had vaginal swelling and massive burning. Her doctor said she was very sensitive but didn’t want to switch to injections this early in the pregnancy. He suggested it would clear up after some time, but it didn’t. Her OB thought she had a yeast infection and prescribed her Monistat which made it worse. Shirley remembers putting the medication in and instantly screaming. She felt like she was on fire. She ran into the shower and tried to get as much of it out as possible and then sat in a cold bath. She didn’t know it at the time, but this was going to be her pregnancy the entire time. Everything irritated her. She had swelling the entire time and tearing. It was weird, but that was only one of her complaints. The other complaint was massive heartburn and reflux. She joked that she wanted to eat just water and air. Everything she ate upset her stomach. It still didn’t go away during the third trimester. After the first trimester, medication helped some.
At 47, Shirley was induced at 39 weeks in a postpartum room to deliver vaginally and hoped after 26 years her body remembered what to do. After three days, she was suck at one centimeter with medication side effects. Her body was acting like she was dilated but wasn’t. She was given pain medication that she caused her heart rate dropped. She started to cry when the doctor suggested she needed to consider an epidural. She was planning to not have an epidural because she wanted to go as natural as possible. Her body overheated and the baby’s heart rate dropped. When it started to wear off, she got sick and threw up all over the place. She was crying and told the doctor she didn’t want anything, her body needed a break. The hospital was completely booked. She finally agreed to the epidural. She couldn’t have an epidural because she wasn’t in a labor and delivery room. Afterwards she felt like she could do this. She says epidurals are amazing and things began to get better. She was put on Pitocin, and the doctor inserted a Foley to help her cervix dilate. This helped her get to seven centimeters. Shirley heard something pop at 5:30 am. After getting examined, the nurse was confident she was going to have a baby that morning. Shirley was bleeding a little, but that was normal. Shirley started to bleed a little more, and the nurse couldn’t find the baby’s heart rate. After that, everything was a blur. A rush of nurses came in and checked her. The head nurse told her she was going in for an emergency c-section. Shirley began to cry as she took off her earrings and fixed her hair in a net. Her wife wasn’t allowed because it was considered a crash c-section. Shirley focused on her own vitals to stay calm. She could feel the pressure of the doctor while the doctor walked her through what she was doing. She could feel the pressure like she tore her open and pulled the baby out. Then she heard this little squeak-like of a kitten and felt relief. After about 30 seconds, her daughter was taken to the NICU. Shirley told the nurses she needed her wife, but she still wasn’t allowed in. She assumes she was given something to sleep because her next memory she was in the recovery room with her wife. The OB came in to tell her the baby was fine. Her daughter was transferred to a different hospital because they didn’t have the necessary equipment. The doctor thought the baby had a seizure when she was born, so they needed to do something called cooling to avoid swelling and infections. The baby had to have a blood transfusion. Shirley felt like she failed her daughter. Her body failed her daughter, but she was alive and her baby was alive, so she was very grateful. Around 6:00 pm that evening, they took Shirley to the hospital where her daughter was taken. Her daughter was perfect. Looking back, Shirley feels like it was a surreal experience but she also has PTSD from the experience.
In November of 2019, Shirley’s younger sister lost her baby in the third trimester which devastated her. Shirley and her wife never planned to have another child. Shirley’s wife was happy with the one. It was Shirley that wanted another one. Her IVF doctor told her because of her age, if they wanted to try again, Shirley would have to wait 18 months for her body to completely heal from the c-section. She would need to tell that doctor right aways if there were any changes, as far as maybe menopause to get her on medication. That’s exactly what happened. Shirley was 48 and did not have a cycle for three consecutive months. Her doctor told her to come to the office to run some tests. She was put on estrogen and progesterone which started her cycle back. In February of 2020, she went in for an appointment and her uterus was looking good, her progesterone levels were good. That’s when the doctor said it was now or never. He said she was on the schedule for a transfer next Tuesday. She was surprised when he declined her March transfer suggestion instead. She couldn’t be on the medication for that long, and he needed a decision that day. By the end of the day, she decided to go for it.
She had her transfer that next Tuesday. She had two girls and one boy embryo. Shirley’s wife wanted to transfer the boy. The doctor said the boy is a good embryo, but he wasn’t the best of the three embryos. He was willing to transfer the boy, though. Shirley and her wife decided to transfer the best of the three embryos which was another girl. It was February of 2020, so there were some restrictions. Shirley’s wife wasn’t allowed to be there during the transfer like the first time. Then Shirley had to wait two weeks. Again, she didn’t test before her beta. This time Shirley took the call in the car by herself and recorded the call with her iPad. She was pregnant. She was excited, but also scared. It wasn’t like last time, because the fear kicked in instantly. The emotions of losing her niece were still very fresh, and the PTSD of the previous birth still shook her.
Shirley’s pregnancy at 49 was great even though she was scared the whole time. The first three to four months were the toughest. She remembers telling her OB she wanted a scan at every appointment. Shirley needed to see the heartbeat. All the pieces were restored until the next appointment. She didn’t have issues with progesterone because this time she did the injections. Her only complaint was the pain, but she only had to do injections for the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy. There were no issues, she didn’t have any scares with high blood pressure or glucose. The challenge was her own fears of things going wrong or something happening. This pregnancy took a toll on her body because this baby was bigger: her hips hurt and she tired easily. She had a good diet with this pregnancy by always eating her vegetables. She loves to walk but was cooped up indoors more this time. She doesn’t think she got as much exercise this time. She felt walking up and down the stairs was enough exercise for her.
Shirley had a planned c-section at 49. She knew what to expect and was prepared to go into surgery. It was a more calm experience. She remembers her wife being by her side and waiting to go into the OR. Shirley was hooked up to a monitor that showed the baby’s heartbeat, but she was still anxious. The thought kept going through her mind that anything can happen at any time. It was a blessing that her wife was there to distract her and keep her calm. They wheeled her to the OR and introduced everyone. What a difference from the previous time. It was much slower this time around, and she didn’t feel a thing. Her baby cried for what felt like forever. It was a beautiful sound as she laughed through the tears.
Shirley pushed to go home the next day because she had separation anxiety from her other daughter. She made herself get up in the middle of the night to walk to get rid of the gasses. She put the pressure on herself to go home, but thinking back, she wished she stayed longer. Shirley feels like she bounced back sooner and faster and easier than the first time around. Shirley didn’t intend on breastfeeding, but her daughter latched on so well she was willing to try. She tried but it didn’t work. She has breast implants that affected her supply. She even tried to pump for two months after trying for a month, but she didn’t feel it was enough for the effort. She pumped until there was nothing. Mentally, it’ was hard for her. Having one young child was hard, but two young children is really tough.
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Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/over40fabulousandpregnant/
Shirley on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shirl_the_wonder_woman_/
Belly Band, Bralettes & Compression Briefs: https://www.baobeibody.com/collections/support-bands
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