On episode 78, Melodie lives just outside of Portland, Oregon with her partner Devin and their daughter, Birdie as a geriatric psych nurse. She also plays in a band occasionally, but that has been put on hold since 2020 and the birth of her daughter.
She had waited a long time to meet someone, but had never really wanted children, even in her thirties. She had even spoken to her doctor about having her tubes tied, but the doctor said she was too young and might change her mind. She was so annoyed because she was so sure she didn’t want kids. She met Devin at 41 about six months later, and she started having an intense desire to have a child with him. This was a new feeling she had never experienced before. Their birth control was the pull-out method, and she would get emotional when he pulled out. The desire was so intense, she’d cry after they were intimate. A year later, she and her partner briefly talked about having a baby. That first month they tried, she was pregnant at 42. At four weeks along her HGC levels were trending down. The loss was so devastating, she took a few weeks off work. She didn’t feel prepared and says it’s the hardest things she’s been through. She took a month off from trying, mostly because they were both busy. Melodie went on a hiking trip and purposely came back because she was ovulating. Again, she immediately got pregnant for the second time. She was playing in a band when she began spotting. She didn’t think she was miscarrying because she didn’t think she was bleeding enough. That night and the next night it kept getting heavier and the pain intensified. She asked her OB if it was normal to have so much pain. Her OB told her if the pain increased any more, she should go to the emergency room. Her partner took her to the emergency room where she had a DNC that night at 8 weeks. Looking back, she wished she asked them to test for abnormalities.
Over the next few months, her partner decided he didn’t want to try any more. Melodie questioned if she would be ok with not having a child or would it be better to leave a relationship she waited so long for. Melodie had depression from the two losses and now worried she was going to lose her partner, too. She ultimately decided to stay with him because their connection was so strong. They were together, but she still battled depression from the pregnancy losses. About a year after her second loss, she moved out of the house and into a tiny home. They continued to date. Her partner stayed with her in the tiny house over the New Year’s holiday. When they were intimate, he didn’t use their birth control method. Melodie told him not to worry about it. Sure enough, two weeks later, she started spotting like the previous pregnancies. Later that day she decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. She was so excited, but she didn’t know what her partner was going to say. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell him, knowing he didn’t want a baby. She suggested they go for a walk to break the news when he came over. He wasn’t very excited. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he didn’t know what to do. He said he would rather get a dog than have a baby. Melodie was visibly upset and was worried the emotions would trigger a miscarriage. She told him she could do this without him, and he left.
A few nights later, he called and said let’s do this together. She could tell he was trying to be supportive and work through his own emotions. He would come over and feed her to make sure she was eating healthy. She suggested they should move back in together. She asked him if she miscarried, would they still want to be together. Together, they decided to be together again no matter what happened. Shortly afterwards, she moved back in with him. It was a really challenging time but was also very exciting at the same time.
Melodie’s pregnancy at 45 was really good. She didn’t have any nausea or vomiting the whole time. Her doctor was the same one that helped her through the losses. Her doctor was the same age as Melodie and was super supportive. The doctor told her anytime she wanted to get out of work to let her know, and she would write a note to her employer. The unit Melodie worked in was getting an increase of violence patients in, and she didn’t want to accidently be hit in the stomach. Melodie left work at six months. She went to the gym every day and walked for an hour and half. She walked slowly because she the baby was positioned on her hip in a way that caused a lot of pain. Eventually, the baby moved positions and the pain eased up. She failed the first glucose test so bad she didn’t even take the second one. The gestational diabetes really controlled what she could eat. Even being a nurse for 14 years, she never understood how hard it was to control those numbers. She could only eat 15 grams of carbohydrates at a time. She remembers eating a lot of cheese and chicken. She ate a lot of almond butter with the one gram cracker she was allowed. She felt like she was always checking her numbers and measuring out what she was eating. It felt like a full-time job. Melodie would take lots of walks through the neighborhood. She went camping in the mountains at six months in the heat of the summer which was really challenging. Intrusive thoughts started during pregnancy, but her OB didn’t have much information on what she was dealing with. Her thoughts were scary but so few and far between during her pregnancy.
She had found out the gender through a blood test that included finding out chromosomal abnormalities at ten weeks. She mentally wanted to plan who was going to join their family. Melodie didn’t want to know about chromosomal abnormalities because she was going to have the baby no matter what. Her OB said it was helpful for them to know if there are abnormalities because it would make a difference what hospital she delivered at. She agreed to the tests, and they all came back normal. She cried tears of joy she was so thankful for. Afterwards, she and her partner had lunch at a golf course where she received the voicemail from the doctor telling her she was having a girl. Her partner suggested they name her Birdie which is a golf term. She loved the name.
Melodie didn’t do much to prepare their home. She had a swing and crib her which was really the extent of the preparations. She took a prenatal yoga class, so she could be around other pregnant women. She could care less about yoga, she just wanted to be around other women and hear their stories. Each class stated with sharing what each of them were going through that week. She lived for those first fifteen minutes of each class.
Melodie wanted to be induced at 39 weeks because she had done a lot of reading about the increased chances of stillbirth after that. She had herpes which was a concern during birth to possibly transfer it to the baby through the birth canal. The day she was scheduled to be induced, she felt like she might be starting an outbreak. They moved her induction to the next day and she still didn’t know if she was starting to have an outbreak or not, but she went ahead with it. She still felt apprehensive about having a vaginal birth and didn’t want an epidural if she didn’t have to. She started the induction process with Pitocin on a Monday night and all day Tuesday, but nothing was happening. Again, nothing was happing Wednesday morning other than really painful contractions sporadically. Every time they increased the Pitocin, the baby’s heart rate would drop. They would stop the Pitocin and the baby’s heart rate would go back up. Melodie was moved to a different room with a bathtub, but it didn’t help with the pain at all. The pain was so bad, she gave into getting an epidural. It was the best pain relief, but the baby’s heart rate kept dropping. The doctor told her she could keep trying to give birth vaginally, but they recommended a c-section. Melodie wanted a few minutes to discuss it with her partner. They decided to have a c-section and 30 minutes later, she had her daughter. She couldn’t believe how fast it went. She remembers everyone was so friendly, and she really liked the doctor who was on-call. Once her daughter was out, she never left Melodie’s sight.
Melodie says it was wonderful to bring her home. Her daughter ended up with a little jaundice, so she had to use a Billy light blanket at home for a couple of days. Her daughter latched immediately even though her milk wasn’t in yet. She had to supplement, so she was given the choice of formula or donated breast milk. She decided to supplement with donated milk. While her daughter was on the breast, she inserted a tube in her daughter’s mouth and pushed the milk from the syringe into the rube and into her mouth. It was so her daughter would think she was getting milk from the breast. Melodie says it was quite an ordeal, but it worked. Melodie says it was expensive to get donated breast milk, but she’s really glad she did it. Every feeding was a challenge that took two people to feed her daughter. Melodie remembers her milk coming in about a week later. They bought donated breast milk for the next two weeks after they left the hospital. She would breastfeed and then pump to trick her body into thinking she needed more milk.
Melodie’s recovery was smooth. At first, it was isolating after her partner went back to work, and she wasn’t allowed to drive for six weeks. The good part is getting to know her baby so well. That’s when the intrusive thoughts started. She didn’t want to talk to her partner about them because she was worried about his reaction. She was scared to tell anyone thinking they might take her baby away. She just dealt with it for a long time by herself. It got so bad that she called her doctor for an appointment, but it really wasn’t helpful. They didn’t explain what was going on, and she didn’t feel like she could be completely honest. The doctor suggested it was postpartum anxiety or sleep deprivation. She knew it was more than that, so she called a baby blues hotline. It was the best thing she’s ever done. She didn’t speak with anyone, but they texted her a podcast episode about intrusive thoughts to listen to. It changed her world completely because it finally gave a name to what she was dealing with. That changed her world completely because it finally gave her relief to what she was dealing with. She spoke to her partner about her intrusive thought before recording this podcast.
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Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/over40fabulousandpregnant/
Melodie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melodie.ayres
Melodie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kansasgaltravels/
Depression After Delivery Hotline: 1-800-944-4773
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