On episode 79, Bridget is working mom living in Raleigh, North Carolina with her husband and her four and half month old son. Bridget and her husband met in 2011 and have been friends for a long time. It took Bridget’s, now husband 10 years to ask her on a date. They started dating when she was 38 and a month into their relationship, she found out she was pregnant. She was a little freaked out. Neither one of them had said ‘I love you’ yet, so she questioned how she was going to have a baby with him.
The next day she was in Pittsburg at her brother’s wedding, she started having a miscarriage during the ceremony. She knew she was losing the pregnancy, but she wasn’t going to take away from her brother’s big day. She put on her brave face and carried on. Her now husband had a beach trip planned back in North Carolina for their birthdays that are so close together and to celebrate the pregnancy. He had planned to tell her he loved her and take her on a sunset cruise. Bridget went to the emergency room to make sure everything was okay the morning they were supposed to leave for the beach. The nurse told her she was still pregnant. Since she was still pregnant, she decided she was just going to carry on and make a doctor’s appointment when they got back from the beach the next week.
They drove two hours to the beach, and right when they were pulling in the drive, she began to bleed again. They dropped their stuff off and went to the emergency room at the beach. This hospital was even more crowded than the one in Raleigh. They waited four hours to realize she wasn’t going to be seen. She knew what was happening, and it wasn’t painful, so she planned to just go to the doctor when they got back on Monday. She continued to bleed throughout the week and thought she passed the pregnancy. Monday at the doctor, the test still showed that she was pregnant, but that could be because some tissue remained the uterus. The nurse practitioner wanted to test her HGC levels every two days until they were at zero. Her first HGC level was 500, and two days later it was 800. She went back to the doctor immediately to do an ultrasound, but they couldn’t find the pregnancy. The doctor told her if it was an ectopic pregnancy, a pregnancy in the fallopian tubes would still be visible on an ultrasound. The doctor called it a pregnancy of unknown location. The doctor went on to tell her it could be tissue left in her uterus causing her HGC levels to rise. The doctor suggested a DNC just to make sure. Afterwards, her uterus was clear, so the doctor assumed it was an ectopic pregnancy and gave her methotrexate to clear the fallopian tubes and didn’t know where it was. It was possible her fallopian tube could rupture, so the doctor instructed her to take it easy. A week later, they were back at the beach when she got a call from the doctor that the methotrexate wasn’t working. Her levels weren’t going up, but they weren’t dropping at the rate that they should be. A ruptured fallopian tube was still possible. She was two hours away and couldn’t get back to the doctor’s office before it closed. The doctor told her she would feel shoulder pain if something ruptured. She had shoulder surgery in 2017, so she always has a little bit of pain in her shoulder. She’s already an anxious person, and this made it worse. Every little twinge she worried.
On Monday, she went to the doctor for the second dose of methotrexate. The doctor told her absolutely no exercising and to take it easy. She had been going in every 72 hours for bloodwork for weeks, so her veins were blown and had bruises all up her arms. Her HGC level was 13 and hated to have to go back. She hated seeing pregnant women in the waiting room. After her bloodwork, she got a call from the doctor that she needed to come in. Now her HGC level was 120. She wondered how this was possible. They weren’t very active but used the pull-out method when they were. She wasn’t told the risks of getting pregnant so quickly after taking methotrexate. Bridget had to think long and hard if she wanted to bring a child into this world knowing she caused any kind of special needs in her child. She and her husband decided if they were meant to be parents of a child with special needs, then they were going to proceed with the pregnancy. She wanted to leave it in God’s plan, and her husband agreed. She had been seeing four different doctors in the practice up until now, but this one doctor told Bridget she would be the only one seeing her. The doctor explained to Bridget that she’d never seen someone get pregnant while HCG levels were still decreasing.
Bridget had an ultrasound but didn’t see anything even though it was still early. At four weeks, she went back and they didn’t see anything again. Being so early in the pregnancy, this was normal. She said to come back next week and they should see something in the next week or two. She went back at six weeks to see a fetal pole, but no yolk sac. The doctor wasn’t confident with the pregnancy and wanted to see her the following week to confirm. Next week was Thanksgiving and she had planned to be in Pittsburgh visiting family, so she made an appointment the week after. It was hard holiday for her: She felt pregnant and sick. She had a lot of morning sickness. Her boobs were growing, and she was so tired and just didn’t feel well. Nobody had any hope for the pregnancy, but she still treated herself as if she were pregnant. At nine weeks, another ultrasound confirmed it was a blighted ovum (or anembryonic pregnancy) which is when a pregnancy doesn’t grow into an embryo. Bridget had a DNC in December which was painful.
After that, she wanted a break from trying to have a baby. She felt like something was wrong with her. This was taking a toll on her relationship with her husband, so she took six weeks off for medical leave. The one good thing that came of it was even though Bridget knew her husband for 10 years, she knew he was her person. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind because he stood by her because she says she was a nightmare some days. She saw a Christian therapist after the second pregnancy. The therapist told Bridget it was God’s way of punishing her for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Bridget felt shame but never saw that therapist again. She had trouble not believing the therapist’s words.
Bridget spoke to her OB about the fibroids in her uterus even though her doctor didn’t want to blame them for the losses. The doctor discovered them before she became pregnant. A three-day cycle was normal for her, but then the next month it was 5 days, next month it was seven days, then next month it was 12 days. Her cycle got up to 20 days, and that’s when she knew something wasn’t right. They discovered two fibroids on her uterus, but the doctor didn’t want to do anything about them in 2020. One of the fibroids disintegrated after that first ectopic pregnancy, but the other fibroid continued to grow. After the second pregnancy, it had grown even more. By January 2022, the doctor said the fibroid was about the size of an orange and weighed about a pound. She wasn’t sure if it cause her pain because she always had bad cramps during her cycle. She decided against the medication to get rid of the fibroid because they wanted to have children. One option was to leave the fibroid which might cause additional losses and grow into the uterus that would take up the space a baby would need. The second option was to remove it but would require a c-section delivery with future babies. At first, she mourned the loss of being able to deliver vaginally, but then quickly got excited she’d never have to experience labor pains. She had the surgery to remove the fibroid in July 2022, and now has four little scars. She had to wait three months to heal before they tried to get pregnant. She spent that time planning her wedding for that fall.
At 39, Bridget went into research mode after their wedding in November. She did a lot of research. She joined a “what to expect when you’re expecting app.” She was in all of the forums to figure out how women were getting pregnant and what’s working for them. She discovered pre-seed lubricant and started using that. Then she took Vitex berry supplement, raspberry leaf tea, prenatal vitamin, and magnesium. She doesn’t know if anything or one of those things helped. She started taking pregnancy tests the day after she ovulated and waited for them to turn blue. In January 2023, she saw a faint positive pregnancy test. She took a picture of it and called the doctor. Her OB wanted to see her right away to confirm it wasn’t another ectopic pregnancy. She took a second pregnancy test later that afternoon that was negative. Bridget had proof of her positive test with first morning urine, but she was only ten days post ovulation. The doctor suggested testing her HCG. Her doctor called two days later to confirm she was pregnant. Her HCG level was very low at 20-something. Bridget continued to take the pregnancy tests to watch the tests get darker. They got darker but then became lighter and lighter. At five weeks, the doctor told her the HGC levels were going down. It was a chemical pregnancy. It wasn’t a painful cycle, but emotionally it was. That’s when she and her husband made the decision to meet with a fertility specialist.
Let’s hold on to hope.
Bridget and her husband had blood work done the day of the appointment at the fertility clinic. The fertility doctor spoke to them about their options and that it was a good thing Bridget was able to get pregnant. She might be able to identify a specific problem if all three miscarriages were the same type of miscarriage. The doctor suggested Bridget had a string of bad luck. Her husband’s sperm had 20% percent morphology with a sperm count of about 300 million. The doctor said this was better than the average male, so Bridget automictically assumed she was the problem. The doctor told her she had a low AMH of a woman in general, but she is where she should be for her age. She was still in the range that she could conceive. The nurses told her the next step would be an IUI or IVF. The follow-up appointment was scheduled on St. Patrick’s Day and in the meantime they were still trying on their own. Her husband asked her not to test until she missed a cycle. She wasn’t pregnant the next cycle. Bridget and her husband went away for the weekend to the mountains. Bridget hadn’t been drinking because she was treating her body as if she was pregnant. She decided to enjoy the weekend drinking wine. Bridget even decided to sign up for a year’s worth of wine to be delivered to her house. That weekend she saw a candle in a shop with hope on it and had to have it. They bought the candle, burned it, and prayed a lot. This time just seemed different. Even her husband said that she seemed more positive. She told him she felt at peace this time with whatever happens knowing she has options. She waited for two weeks before taking a test. One night she cooked salmon, but it didn’t smell right to her even though her husband thought it was fine. Then it tasted awful to her. At 39, Bridget suggested she was pregnant. Another night she was cutting onions which normally, never bother her. This night the onions really bothered her, and Dr. Google said it could be a sign of pregnancy. Three days before she tested, she had a dream her husband was holding a positive pregnancy test in their powder room. They laughed later when she told him her dream. She was also doing the basal body temperature testing and it had dropped when she was supposed to start her cycle. She assumed she wasn’t pregnant. On St. Patrick’s Day, she woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but automatically took her temperature without thinking only to realize it was 1:00 am. Her temperature had spiked. That’s when she remembered it was St. Patrick’s Day which was the day she could take a pregnancy test. She woke her husband up to remind him she could take a test. She always took the tests in their powder room that was close by because it was just easier. The sink was wet when she set it down even though it was positive. She assumed she messed up the test. She remembered she had a digital test in her bathroom and took that because it would be a clearer answer. By this point her husband was up asking what was going on. The digital test immediately said pregnant. She walked towards the powder room to see her husband holding the test stripe telling her it’s positive just like he did in her dream. They were both excited.
Why can’t anything be easy?!
The doctor couldn’t confirm the pregnancy at the first ultrasound at four weeks. At six weeks, the doctor confirmed it wasn’t an ectopic, and there was both a yolk and a fetal pole. She felt so good and confident this was it. They decided to tell her family because she was going to see her husband’s family for Easter. She called her mother to discuss Thanksgiving. Her mom was confused because it was so far away. She asked her mother to come to North Carolina because she was going to have a baby then. Her mother was so excited. Then she called her sisters and bother, and they were all over the moon excited for her. At 10-weeks, the day before Easter, Bridget started bleeding, so she went to the emergency room. It was more blood than she experienced in her first pregnancy, so she was certain she had lost it. After a couple of hours of waiting, she was wheeled into the room for an ultrasound. She’ll never forget the ultrasound tech had absolutely no emotion. She was moving the internal ultrasound around, rotated the monitor and showed pointed to the heartbeat without emotion. Bridget wanted to know what caused the bleeding, but the tech couldn’t tell her why. The doctors at the emergency room didn’t know why she was bleeding either, but the baby was healthy. Bridget’s OB wanted the ultrasound images mailed to her, so she could review them for herself. The on-call OB suggested she was starting to miscarry. The doctor received her ultrasounds images from the emergency room to see a very large subchorionic hematoma. She was scared out of her mind that she would lose the pregnancy but she also enjoyed getting so many more ultrasounds. She was told not to stress. Shortly afterwards, her uncle passed away unexpectedly, and she lost her job. Bridget told herself to just breathe. She took the time away from her career as a sign to just focus on herself and the baby. Her emotions were elevated and everything seemed a lot worse than it really was. She really leaned into her faith during this time and got through to the anatomy scan at 20-weeks in July of 2023. The specialist couldn’t get a good image of the heart, and they wanted to check again. At six months, the baby was pretty active most days. One day, there was no activity. She and her husband got out the Doppler to listen for the heartbeat. She heard the heartbeat, but didn’t feel anything. She always felt kicking at night and first thing in the morning. The next morning, there was still no kicking, so she messaged the doctor. The ultrasound later that morning showed he was healthy and moving all his limbs. Bridget felt cramps during the ultrasound. When the technician pushed, it really hurt. It felt better for awhile when she moved to her side, but the pain came back. The doctor put her on a contraction machine that showed she was having contractions. These were pre-term contractions. She was wheeled out of the doctor’s office in a wheelchair as she started to panic. The contractions had stopped by the time she got to the hospital. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong. They did a test that would tell them if she was in preterm labor. She wasn’t and her cervix was closed completely shut, so she left the hospital.
She didn’t find out the gender during pregnancy because her husband wanted it to be a surprise. Bridget only agreed if she could design the nursery. She always said she would be ok with not finding out the gender for their first baby but wanted to know for the second. She’s actually glad she didn’t find out during pregnancy. The anticipation of not finding out until birth was great.
Bridget prepared for her baby by reading Pregnancy Day by Day each night to see what was going on with her body. She also took a breast feeding class by the hospital because she knew that was something she wanted to try. She enjoyed being able to speak with other couples. Her sister had her first baby when Bridget was just 13, so she felt pretty comfortable being around babies and what to do. She designed the nursery a sage green. She didn’t feel like she knew what she was doing with the registry because it seemed like she ended up with 800 burp cloths. There was a lot of returning. Her biggest fear was not connecting with her baby. She asked a week before her c-section why she couldn’t carry to 40 weeks. Her OB told her she worried about the placenta attaching to the scar where the fibroid was removed, and the scar ripping open. It could be fatal.
Bridget’s c-section was scheduled at 37 weeks and four days at 10:00 am on November 8th. It didn’t actually start until 11:00 am. The worst part of the her experience was the spinal going in to numb her. She remembers holding on to the nurse while they were doing it and screaming, “I’d rather keep the baby. Just make it stop.” It was thirty seconds of pain and then it was over. She remembers laying on the table with her arms out before her husband was there and telling someone she didn’t feel well. She felt like she was going to throw up and pass out which was a side-effect of the numbing medication. He was born at 11:29 am. They dropped the blue divider sheet, so she could see through the clear sheet, and the doctor told her it was a boy. Despite her worst fears, she felt instant love. Her husband left with the baby to get cleaned up while Bridget was closed up. Then she heard one doctor asked the other if they have seen this before with concern in their voices. Bridget asked what they saw. When they removed the placenta, it had ripped the fibroid scar open. Bridget worried she wasn’t able to have children, but the doctor told her she believed it was possible if she delivered even earlier, so this didn’t happen again. Her husband came back with their son, and that’s when she got to hold him for the first time. He latched immediately.
Bridget doesn’t think she was in that much pain and didn’t bleed much at all. Bridget didn’t take any pain medication beside Ibuprofen and Tylenol until the second day because it was just hard to breath. Her iron levels were very low, so she received a blood transfusion. She was very anxious, so she was prescript Zoloft which she is still on and helps. She got COVID when her son at five weeks old, but he had no symptoms. She had her follow-up appointment at eight-weeks instead. At her appointment, her doctor was a little over the top at pointing out how perfect he was, but she really just wanted to discuss birth control. Bridget had no interest in being on any prescription birth control. The doctor insisted she didn’t get pregnant and she wanted to make sure she was past post partum and almost healed. Her doctor went on to tell her the c-section was life threatening, and she didn’t want that to happen again. Bridget asked her if she was trying to tell her she couldn’t have more children, but her doctor wasn’t sure.
Breastfeeding is going great. Because her son was so small, she breastfed him and them pumped, so he could be fed with a syringe to make sure he was getting enough. She’s been on a breast pump journey and has gone through a few. She recommends the willow breast pump. She likes the rose gold Spectra, but it has to be plugged in. No one told her she needed a special bra to hold the pumps unless she holds them. She’s tired but loves the bonding time with her son.
She has an ultrasound scheduled in May to see how her internal wounds are healing. She understands she needs to wait 18-month c-section to c-section to try again. Bridget says she didn’t hate pregnancy and actually misses it. She just went back to work about a month ago. She still has sugar cravings from pregnancy but loves salmon again. She has dysostosis recti that she is working to correct with a PT. She has been praying her internal wounds look good and she can start trying for her second this summer.
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Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/over40fabulousandpregnant/
Bridget on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/40.year.old.mom/
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