If you want to become pregnant over 40 and think it’s not possible, this series is for you. This is the second Q&A in this series. The first Q&A is with Dr. Jeanie Schlafy who is a fertility specialist. This Q&A is with IVF & Donor Egg Fertility Coach Laura who was asked this questions while sharing her pregnancy stories over 40 on Episode 73. I wanted to provide these questions on their own because it’s such valuable information about fertility. The questions I asked were inspired from many comments from Instagram and listeners.
Laura is a mom of two with donor egg conception in Boston and is a Fertility Coach with an online coaching program. You can go here to listen to her pregnancy stories at 43 and 46. Her contact information is provided at the end of this post.
Q: What do you wish you knew before using egg donors?
A: I wish that I appreciated how connected I would still feel to my children. My children’s genetics are really important. It makes them who they are, but what also makes them who they are is my efforts in raising them. I believe my best qualities are that I am a kind person, I’m an empathetic person, I’m a patient person, passionate, I’d like to believe I’m funny. I want to pass on the way that I’m raising them every single day. That’s my contribution to who they are, and it holds a lot of weight.
My son has the coolest dark, dark brown eyes compared to his fair complexion and his light brown hair. I wouldn’t choose different eyes for him. My daughter has really pretty light brown eyes and they’re like these like big almond shaped eyes. She’s stunning. I think that my children are the most beautiful creatures on this earth. I wouldn’t choose to change anything about the way they look.
Also, my son seems to be really good at math. He’s in kindergarten. He seems to be catching on to the concept of math. That is not something I would have been able to offer him (through my genetics). Being confident that even though they don’t share my genetics, I’m sharing so much with them and they are still gaining so much from my role in their life. A mother’s role in a child’s life is significant. Just because we don’t share DNA doesn’t change that.
Q: What are your three best tips for women trying to conceive?
A: 1. If you have not had baseline blood work, do that. See a doctor to know what you’re dealing with. This is not, ‘go do IVF,’ this is you need to know what you’re up against even if you’re planning to try naturally and not necessarily use medical intervention. You need to know if you have a hormone imbalance that needs to be addressed. Do you have an egg quality issue that you need to focus on? If you are focused on quality, then I think the book, It Starts with the Egg is a really good resource. You do not need to follow every single bit of the book, though.
2. That leads me to my next point: you don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to do all of the things. Find the right balance for you, so you feel good about this journey for yourself. I do think it’s important you eat fertility supportive foods, but I would never tell anyone to go on a diet. If you’re trying to get pregnant, I think it’s more about adding food protein rich foods, like eggs, salmon, lean proteins. There’s so many great resources out there.
3. My third piece is prioritizing self-care. Getting rest and finding ways that you can destress because this process can be really stressful. Find ways to manage that stress the way that’s most effective for you. If that means a daily walk, doing yoga every day, or eight hours of sleep, to turn that off in your brain. For me that was reading. If I picked up a book that I liked, it was the only time I could ever turn my brain off from thinking about getting pregnant.
4. I’m going to throw another: I’m a big believer in acupuncture for fertility.
Q: What thoughts helped you through your journey?
A: It changed throughout my journey. Mostly it was working on my self-confidence and feeling strong, feeling physically strong, feeling mentally strong, feeling emotionally strong. What did I need to do that? I wanted to feel physically strong, I needed to move. I did a lot of yoga and that helped me feel physically strong and physically healthy. For mental and emotional strength, I focused a lot on connection, so that was talking to other women who had either struggled with a similar experience or were struggling with it. I didn’t feel. I didn’t know that a fertility coach was a thing back when I was in it, but I think that I could have definitely benefited from just talking to somebody who experienced that. I have a lot of friends that had done IVF with success, but I only knew one person who had pursued donor conception. She was a friend of a friend.
Q: What was the transition like from trying to conceive to pregnancy?
A: It was different with both pregnancies and because with my son, I was unsuccessful with my own eggs. Using donor eggs, it was very successful. That transition was just like, okay, we found our path and this worked and now we’re going to have a baby. With my daughter, it was a little bit different because I had felt like we had paid our dues. We had literally paid all the dues. I couldn’t believe it when we were experiencing these losses. All three of my pregnancy losses were very different. The first one was because that was in my natural pregnancy. I’m surprised I was able to get pregnant, but it was not surprising that pregnancy didn’t stick. The second loss, we knew that that pregnancy was a chromosome abnormality and chances are the third pregnancy loss was also a chromosome abnormality. You really can’t predict what the outcome is going to be, and so the transition from trying to get pregnant with our second to actual pregnancy was really hard to feel confident in the pregnancy. That took a lot of work on my part, a lot of patience, and, reaching out for support and not being afraid to ask for what I needed to advocate for myself. Once I found the courage to do that, it really turned things around. Finding other people that had success stories that looked similar to mine really helped with my emotional health.
Q: What advice would you have for women over 40 that are trying to conceive right now?
A: The data is there that, you know, it’s potentially going to be more challenging, but science is on your side. We have so much more information than we did even just several years ago. If this is what you want, you can have it. It might not look like your plan A. It might not be this straight path that you had intended, but if you want to have a baby, you can have a baby. You can make that happen. You have to be open to possibilities. You have to be prepared for things being a little bit more difficult, but it can happen for you.
Thank you Laura for sharing your story and answering our listeners’ questions! For more information on Laura’s IVF & donor egg coaching:
Website: https://www.positivefertilitycoaching.com/
Leave a Reply