Heidi’s Healing Journey and Planned Pregnancy at 46

On episode 27, we have Heidi from Columbus, Ohio who is a shamanic practitioner, musician, poet, doula and co-found of Motherful, an organization that supports single moms in the local area. She is sharing her planned pregnancy story at 46.

I wanted a third child, but thought my kids are almost grown, and I’m older… It’s probably not going to happen.

Heidi was a single mom for almost a decade with her 19-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter. She met her husband in 2018 and married in 2019. A year into their relationship, she told him she was done having kids, but really had a secret wish for a third child with him. To her surprise, he told her he wanted a baby. She was delighted and responded, “Well, we better get started!”

She was aware of her cycles, but she also consulted a fertility specialist to see if there was anything she could do to support the process. They became pregnant in 2020 but miscarried because of toxic poisoning of tear gas that she was exposed to. She needed some time to grieve. She did a lot of wholistic therapies to support her body in the process too because she had trauma from her previous births. She did acupuncture and womb massage. She changed her diet to more whole foods and vegetables. She also did magic and other spiritual practices to support her healing.

It just felt like a lot of miracles, and we got to have ours too.

After a trip with her sister to their college, Heidi got a call from her sister saying she was pregnant after years of doctors telling her she’ll never be able to conceive. A month later Heidi was late on her cycle and took a test. She was 6 weeks along. She was so happy to share the experience with her sister.

I understand myself so much better. I think my maturity made my experience at 46 more calm.

Heidi says her pregnancy was wonderful. She felt great throughout her pregnancy. Even through the pains and discomfort, she felt so much gratitude for the experience. After being a single mom for so long and struggling with that, it was great to have a supportive partner. She believes being more mature now than in her 30’s made the experience more calm. Fish oil and magnesium supplement was something she couldn’t live without. She also really liked her heating pad.

A friend of Heidi’s that’s a midwife, recommended an OBGYN that she was comfortable with. Her husband is from Rwanda in Africa, and it was important to her to have a black doctor to support her having a mixed son.

Heidi knew intuitively she was already having a son but liked to have the confirmation. She always had a vision she would have another boy. She is a shamanic practitioner in her healing arts, so she’s also clairvoyant. Her visions often materialize but there’s no guarantee when. She had an abortion when she was a single mom in 2014. She had dreams that was a boy as well, so she wondered when he was going to come. Heidi knew he was a boy, and he was. It wasn’t a surprise but it’s always nice when your intuition is confirmed.

I prepared by doing as much as I could to remain stress-free.

Heidi did a lot of visualization and affirmations because she had trauma from her previous births which were both emergency c-sections. She really wanted to have a VBAC and to try for a third home birth. She didn’t do much reading this time like she did with her first two children. She feels like a seasoned mother, and she’s a doula, so she felt more intuitive this time. Since her sister was also pregnant at the same time, she was doing the reading and research, so she was able to look at those considerations again with her. She had a doula lined up for her birth which helped her spiritually and mentally. She also tried to prepare by being stress free and setting herself up for postpartum.

Heidi definitely had cravings she said through a laugh. She loved visiting a few favorite local restaurants and chocolate. Spicy food was another favorite during pregnancy. Physically, she was doing as many walks as she could outside with her dog or hikes in nature at least three times a week. She also swam at the local pool which she loved.

She had gallbladder attacks the last month of her pregnancy because of the extra estrogen. She had her first gallbladder attack the day of her baby shower. She describes it as a horrible shooting, stabbing pain under her right ribs. It can be similar to labor pains because of how intense they are, but they don’t subside. They can go on from 45 minutes to multiple hours. The standard practice would be to remove her gallbladder, but the doctors didn’t want to remove it this far along in her pregnancy. By the end of her pregnancy, she was having 12-hour attacks. For this amount of pain, she went to labor and delivery for the last time before she gave birth. They would have to monitor Heidi to give her strong pain relief. She had been in and out of the hospital four times in the last few days. Her blood pressure was climbing and they told her it was time to get the baby out. She wasn’t prepared to have the baby. Her doula wasn’t able to make it, neither was her doctor. It was just her and her husband in the OR. Her birth plan was out the window, but she also wanted to be free from pain. She knew she had to surrender and go with it. She had a c-section at one o’clock in the morning. Her son was born two weeks early, but he was healthy.

The doctor considered taking out her gallbladder during the c-section, but because of the fast nature of the c-sections, they decided not to. The pain went away afterward. Everything is so tight while the baby grows, the baby was kicking her gallbladder which added to the pain. The pain came back in a few months after she gave birth, and then it subsided for about six months. She’s had a few attacks since then, but she’s still working to save her gallbladder. She’s hoping her body isn’t creating more stones since she isn’t pregnant, but she’s still exploring options to save her gallbladder. She is working with a Thai herbalist, working on her diet to try to avoid another surgery so quickly after her c-section.

Wow, it’s amazing our bodies can do this.

Heidi describes her recovery as pretty good. Her c-section scar healed well. She had a lot of postpartum anxiety in the first month as the hormones were adjusting. Her husband had to go back to work after two weeks, so that was tough. She breastfed her first two kids for two years, so she thinks she took that for granted. Breastfeeding was not easy this time. He didn’t have a good latch, and he was more interested in the bottle. She thinks some of the anxiety came from the doctor telling her he wasn’t gaining enough weight fast enough. She said overall it was a beautiful postpartum period, but she was really checking in with herself based on the trauma in her past. She saw a chiropractor to help with her anxiety, and he recommended two supplements: Gaba and Calm. She focused on her nutrition and herbs to keep her gut healthy. She put herself first in ways that she didn’t know how to with the first pregnancies. She was hospitalized with postpartum psychosis in the past. It took her two years to feel safe by herself. She allowed her community to help by creating a meal train, help cleaning, and keeping her company. She also received help from a support group called POEM to make sure she was seeking the help she needed.

Here are the topics we discuss in this episode: