On episode 39, we have Audrey from South Carolina on to share her pregnancy at 40. She is married with six kids. She starting having kids in her 20’s and went on to have more in her 30’s and now at 40. She says it’s different every time. During the recording of the show, Audrey was 3 months postpartum and almost 41.
In the last couple of years, Audrey started eating better and living a healthier lifestyle. Her and her husband weren’t planning to have more children, but decided if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. She’s never had the feeling her family was complete. She’s never thought she didn’t want more kids. She’s waited to have that feeling, and it just never happened.
She took a trip to Miami to celebrate her 40th birthday. A month later they were on a family vacation in Utah, and she felt absolutely exhausted. She took a bath and went to bed that first night. She woke up the next morning planning to go hiking and do some fun things on their vacation. She couldn’t get out of bed. She felt so sick and just didn’t feel right. Her husband took the kids out for the day. She thought it might be altitude poisoning. She texted her husband later that day to get a pregnancy test just to be sure. She was nauseous and just not feeling right. He came home with the kids, but he didn’t have a pregnancy test with him. He thought she was kidding, but she told him to go back and get a pregnancy test. She took it right away when he came back. There were two lines, but one was very light. She assumed she must be pregnant but just really early on. She read the instructions that came with the test. The light line was the test line and the very dark one line was the control line. They call that a dye stealer. It happens when you have a very high HCG level. She was very pregnant. Finding out she was pregnant, even though it wasn’t planned, felt like this is what she wanted. It’s always exciting to find out you’re having another baby.
I love babies, but I do not like being pregnant
Audrey started showing right away. She doesn’t like to be pregnant. She gets sick for the first half throwing up, so it feels like it’s an endless hangover. Then the second half is just uncomfortable. She feels big and nothing fits. Pregnancy is hard for her.
This pregnancy was the first time that she had gestational diabetes, but she was able to control it with diet. She stressed about it when they first told her. She wanted to eat whatever she wanted. She wanted to eat cake and all the good stuff. Looking back, she thinks it was good that she had to eat healthy knowing that was best for her baby. She focused mostly on protein. She made sure that she didn’t have anything sugary without some protein at least. She still had treats here and there but made sure she did it in a healthy way. She worried a lot during her pregnancy.
I loved having babies young, but I also feel like I’m in a much better phase of my life for both pregnancy and raising children
Audrey thinks she was a little more tired compared to other pregnancies. She was very mindful about staying active and really fueling her body with the right foods. She thought her cravings were her body’s way of telling her she was lacking in some kind of nutrient. Being pregnant in your 20’s is a lot different than being pregnant at 40. She definitely doesn’t feel like she recovered as fast.
Her husband didn’t want to find out the gender like the others, but she put her foot down this time. She really wanted to know. Her last two were girls, and she had saved some stuff from their baby and toddler years just in case. She wanted to feel prepared this time around. She really thought she was having another girl. With her last two girls, she thought they were both boys thought.
Her husband was sick when she had the ultrasound to find out the gender. She had the ‘advanced maternal age’ blood work done earlier. When those results came back, they put they them in a sealed envelope. She brought the sealed envelope to their room where her husband had been resting in bed. She didn’t want to wait. And she was 99% sure this was going to be another girl. When she opened it, they were both shocked they were going to having a boy. Afterwards, they decided to surprise the kids. She boxed up some boy things like boy clothes and a blue rattle so the kids could open it together. Two of them thought it was going to be a girl. It was a very fun surprise to give her kids.
She doesn’t remember any crazy cravings. There were things that she didn’t want: She loves coffee and red wine, but she didn’t want anything to do with them. She didn’t even want to smell it or be anywhere near it during her pregnancy.
Audrey’s birth two births in her 20’s were in a hospital with an epidural. Her second was an induction, and when she got pregnant with her third in her 30’s, she decided she wanted to do it natural. She wanted to have a water birth. So her third and fourth were both in water with midwives. She knew that’s what she wanted this time around, too. Her plan was to have a water birth at a birth center with no interventions or drugs with the same group of midwives. She finds the water calming regardless of the intense feeling of labor.
This time around she focused on preparing for postpartum. With the other pregnancies she felt like she focused on pregnancy and childbirth. This time around, she really wanted to learn about postpartum and the best way to take care of herself and the baby in that fourth trimester. She read a book called The First 40 Days by Heng Ou. It discusses how different cultures focus on the postpartum period. There’s also recipes for the fourth trimester that help you heal and explain how to take care of the early relationship between mother and baby.
Audrey says they don’t have the room for a nursery. The baby before this one is six now, so they had gotten rid of the pack n’ plays, the stroller, the crib and everything. This time around, she is really keeping it minimal. She doesn’t have a crib. She has a bassinets next to the bed that pushes right up against the bed so she is co-sleeping. He’ll be in that until he’s too big for it. And then she’ll see what happens. She might put a pack and play next to the bed or she might get a crib to put it in one of the little girls room across the hall. They are taking it day by day. We don’t have the space to get all the things.
At 35 weeks she found out she had cholestasis which is a rare liver condition that happens during pregnancy. She started having itchiness, and not just the normal stretchy skin itchiness that you have. It was different. The midwives wanted to get her tested when she mentioned it at one visit. It doesn’t cause any danger to her, but they like to induce at 37 weeks because there are higher risks if you deliver after that. Her plan was to have this natural water birth, just go into labor naturally and have the baby in the water. The plan wasn’t going to work out like she wanted. The midwife said that they could try to induce with a castor oil cocktail, which she had done with her last two. She knew it would work for her. They also did one of those Foley catheter to open the cervix at 8:00 that morning. She decided to have the birth at a hospital instead of a water birth because of the risks of the cholestasis diagnosis. The birthing center is two hours from their home, so they went back to their Airbnb after she was induced. Her husband started cooking lunch and she played board games with the girls to wait for things to get started. Around 10:00 a.m., she started having some contractions. They weren’t super intense, but they were very close together. She used an app on her phone to time things. At one point the app told her it was time to go to the hospital. She thought the contractions weren’t strong enough to go to the hospital. These contractions were nothing. It can’t happen that fast. So this was between ten and 11:00 a.m. She kept playing the game and she felt totally fine. The girls probably didn’t even know she was having contractions. Her phone told her once again it’s time to go to the hospital. Audrey called the midwife and the midwife said let’s just go ahead and go to the hospital and see what’s going on. They met at the hospital at 12:00pm when she got set up in the room. It was very quiet, very calm. There was one nurse there and the midwife to get her hooked up on the wireless monitors so she could walk around. The contractions continued. By now it was around, 1:00pm, they started getting more intense. And she wanted in the shower to calm her. If she can’t have a water birth, like in a tub, a shower was the next best thing. Having the shower running on her back felt good. The contractions were getting more intense, she was shaking through the contractions while the midwife and her husband were talking to her. She asked why she shook so much. The midwife told her when you’re in transition, that’s happens This baby’s was coming. She guessed twenty minutes. The midwife asked her if she wanted to stay in the shower. She did because the water was really helping with the pain. The midwife put some towels down on the floor of the shower. Then she got down on her hands and knees preparing for delivery. She felt a pop and then a gush. That was her water breaking at 1:30 pm. At 1:45 pm the midwife caught her son while she was still in the shower on her hands and knees. The midwife said the umbilical cord was really long at about ten feet. It even had a true knot in it.
As the midwife handed her son to her, she waited to hear him cry and make sure he was okay. She felt an incredible amount of relief. She was so happy to have him in her arms, knowing that he was okay.
Audrey felt a lot more prepared for postpartum than ever before. Previously, she felt like she was in a hurry to rush back into things. She really pushed herself to get back up on her feet after her last pregnancy. She went out to dinner when her daughter was less than a week old and she was so proud of herself. She talked herself up that she was stronger for getting back to things. Now, she has a different perspective. She believes she needed to take it easy and take care of herself. She believes the more rest she got in those first couple of weeks, the faster she was able to healed. She was really happy to do that and take that time to figure out breastfeeding and allow herself the time to heal. It was a really positive experience this time around. Her husband was supportive, too. He fixed her awesome meals from recipes out of the book. She believes things went so much more smoothly because of that. They were all warm meals. No cold meals like no salads, no ice water, nothing cold. Her favorite meal was stew with couscous and vegetables. It was just delicious. He made enough to last for a week, so she had it every day.
Breastfeeding went really well in the beginning. She is having some challenges at three months. She’s still trying to figure it out. She gives him bottles here and there of breast milk, but he might prefer bottles just because they’re easier. The milk comes out faster with bottles, so he doesn’t have to work as hard. She wants to push, through. Her goal is to breastfeed for a year.
She feels like breastfeeding is different with every baby. Her first was the easiest. She didn’t have any challenges. She latched right away, and everything went smoothly. She never gave it a second thought. She never worried what she ate, also. And then her second, he had terrible reflux. And looking back, maybe he had a tongue tie. She put him on formula. Her third and fourth, they did well. Her third might have had a tongue tie, but she pushed through that but they did okay. Then once her milk was regulated, that’s when the baby starts feeling like he has to work for the milk. She believes that is what is throwing them off. It’s challenging.
The midwives are a lot more helpful when it comes to breastfeeding. Audrey has done research of her own. She found an amazing podcast that has helped her through breastfeeding: The Milk Minute Podcast. She recommends it for pregnant women or even breastfeeding older babies.
Mentally, her anxiety has been pretty high. She feels like she’s in the thick of it, but in the best way. Having a baby is just the most beautiful relationship. It’s so rewarding and it’s the best. Even though things are hard and she’s struggling, it’s okay. She knows this is just a blip in time.
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