On episode 31, we have Bethany from Massachusetts who is a holistic yoga teacher and a mother to two. She had secondary infertility. She was pregnant at 30 and 40 years old with 4 failed IVF transfers in between. She never gave up hope, though. During this recording, her sons are ten and the other will be one in June.
Her first pregnancy, she calls a honeymoon baby, immediately pregnant after she got married at 30 years old. After the birth of her first, she was diagnosed during postpartum with thyroid issues. It led her down a holistic health journey that inspired her to become a yoga teacher. Once she got it under control, she tried for a second child. Throughout the years of trying, she never got pregnant and feels lucky she never experienced a miscarriage. At 36 years old, Bethany and her husband looked into conceiving with IVF. After a few consultations, she didn’t think she was ready. In 2019, she decided to go for it. For the next two years, she had two egg retrievals and four failed transfers. In Spring of 2020, she got the news of a negative beta while the world was changing. She thought to herself that it wasn’t going to be a good year. She let go of the possibility of a second child through IVF and understood that it didn’t work out for her. She was going to let things happen on their own.
Let’s be carefully excited.
In the fall of 2021, she resigned from a 20-year, high-stress corporate job because she wanted to home school her son. She wasn’t thinking about conceiving. In September, her cycle was late but that was normal. She’s been hopeful before when she had a late cycle… She decided to take a pregnancy test anyway to give herself piece of mind because she at least wanted an answer if she was or wasn’t. She took the test before hopping in the shower. Standing there in her birthday suit, she couldn’t believe it. She was surprised to see the positive results after all the of these years of trying just about everything. She called her husband in the bathroom with confusion. He had a similar reaction, “Now?” She describes it as a bizarre moment of excitement mixed in with fear. Even while she told the story, she felt like she could let the excitement out a little more even though he’s already 9-month-old.
My pregnancy at 40 was better than my pregnancy at 30.
For her first pregnancy at 30, she wasn’t active. She says she had body pain throughout the pregnancy and struggled at the end. She also retained a lot of water. Her face, legs and feet became very swollen. Her pregnancy at 40, overall, she said was great. She’s had yoga in her life for the last six to seven years and has been living a holistic lifestyle that she believes helped her get pregnant. She was better with hydration and nourishment, so she didn’t have the same water retention. Her lower back didn’t hurt. She said she wanted to be good at pregnancy and not fall apart. This journey all started with her diet to help with her thyroid issue. She went on a paleo diet to remove gluten and dairy to get the thyroid more managed. Part of her yoga spiritual journey was also to heal her relationship she had with food. She wanted to understand what her body really needed to correct her hormone balance. She was able to be active throughout her pregnancy. During her movement, she tried to keep open in the belly and pelvis. For the hard days she would sit on the birth ball even if it was just five minutes. She thought birth would be easier this time because she’s more flexible. She also believes that no matter how much you prepare, the pregnancy and birth have an energy of their own that is separate from your preparation. You can’t control the birth process.
Along with her 10-year transformation, she said she did a 360 and hired a midwife for the birth. The midwife she hired knew her stuff and had a great apprentice midwife to help assist. She compares her first hospital birth with her midwife experience and believes she received better care with her midwife. She had more appointments, and it was a bonus they took place at her home. She had six postpartum appointments which is more than what she had with her OB the first time. She believes the midwife looked at her life as a whole person and didn’t just look at her age.
Because she had a midwife for her care, she went to a local clinic for the ultrasound to find out the gender at 20 weeks. It didn’t feel like a doctor’s office, but instead felt cozier. There was a huge screen to see everything during the ultrasound. She felt like 20 weeks was waiting long enough. Going through birth was enough for her to handle and didn’t want any more surprises that day. She admits being hopeful it would be a girl just so she could have one of each. She held her breath for a minute while she looked at the screen to find out for herself. She said it was obviously a boy when the tech told her the gender. She knew it. She is happy to call herself a boy mom now and wouldn’t want it any other way. They kept baby stuff from her first son, so it worked out. They took the recording of the baby’s heartbeat and put it in a teddy bear for her son to take home. She recalls it as an experience she loves to remember.
During pregnancy she used a lot of coconut oil. She didn’t use a body pillow this time because she didn’t have the aches and pains that made it necessary the first time. During the first pregnancy she bought a new pregnancy wardrobe and still had many of those clothes. She said that’s how much hope she had. She stored them in the attic. She found a pair of outdated maternity jeans with the belly band that she couldn’t bring herself to wear. Instead, she bought lots of leggings this time. To help with nausea, she ate ginger slices with a little lime and salt. She said her birth ball is really nice to have even if you’re just doing circles on it to release the hips.
She read lots of books during pregnancy. Instead of Hypnobirthing, she took the Blissborn program. It is a comprehensive program to prepare mothers and partners for a more confident birth experience. She and her husband got closer during the class. Bethany didn’t do the typical birthing classes because she feels like the birthing on your back is a bit outdated. It’s important that she listen to her body and breath during labor. She did self-education during the program, too. One of her favorite resources on Instagram is from the account: thenakeddoula. The account is all about getting rid of stigmas like telling us ‘I’m overdue’ or ‘my baby is too big.’
She planned for birth in a birthing pool at home. She boarded her two dog the week she was due. She cleaned her house the best that she could. Her son stayed at the house until she was in active labor and had backup plans for close family to take him for the birth. She wanted her son to be able to wake up and see his baby brother in a perfect world. She liked the idea of her son being at home but also didn’t want him to see her in pain or struggling. She had affirmation cards she purchased from thenakeddoula and hung lights over the birth pool. She had a vision of her birthing space and with the help of her husband, they made it a reality. She said it wasn’t perfect, but it was home and that’s where she felt most comfortable. Then they had a week of limbo where they were just waiting around. She spent time on the back patio sitting in the sun because she knew this might be the last time, she would be laying around doing nothing for a while. She had two sessions of acupuncture at the very end which didn’t help her water break like it did with the first birth, but two days later her mucus plug came out. She said it helped her mind feel like she was actually doing something, and physically helped the energy of the body keep moving. She will never know if it really helped, but she’s confident it’s not going to slow it down.
She was 41 weeks and one day when labor started a little after midnight. She was told to keep moving around until she felt like the water would provide some pain relief. While it was just her and her husband, she was standing a lot. During contractions, she would lean into him and sway through it while he held her. She thought it was a sweet connection between them. It was important to her to have the right people in her birthing space to not change the energy. She had her husband, the midwife, her apprentice, the doula and later a third midwife there. She believes things might have gone differently if it was just her and her husband longer, but there’s no way to know if that’s really true. When more people came into her birth space, it was a rush to check her, and it changed things. She was in the tub for a while during strong contractions. Her doula helped her have contractions without moving too much to save her energy. She felt things shifting with a resting period coming on. Her midwife recommended she get out of the tub and lay on the birthing bed. The contractions became stronger out of the water, and she was fully dilated when they checked. At about 5 am, she was cleared to push if she was ready while her pool was being disassembled. She pushed, and she thought she was going to give birth soon. She started to get tired. She felt like she was stuck and it was very painful. In hindsight, she wished she was able to get back in the pool. Instead, they went into the bathroom to change the scenery and take it to the next level. She used the bathroom and on the walk back, something had shifted. She felt like the baby had moved up and settled in her butt. It felt different. She was tired and dehydrated. Her midwife had the tools to put in an IV to help with hydration, but her midwife couldn’t get it in. Bethany wasn’t able to urinate again, so that was the sign she needed to be transferred to the hospital. The pain was also intense enough that she wanted pain relief.
About 10 am, her husband arranged for her uncle to pick up her son, and her husband drove her to the hospital. She sat on a neck pillow, typically used to sleep on a plane with during the car ride. It was an uncomfortable 20-minute car ride to the hospital. Every contraction felt like it was a grinding feeling on her sacrum. She was wheeled in with a wheelchair while the midwife reported her status to the hospital staff. All Bethany wanted was fluids and an epidural. She was scared at this point because of how painful it was, and she wasn’t confident she would be able to push the baby out. She was worried it would lead to other interventions. Within the hour she had the epidural that helped her breathing stabilize. She was smiling and relaxing again. Her contractions were now 20 minutes apart. At noon, they asked her to push again, but she didn’t think she could do it. They insisted she push to know if other things were needed. They let her rest for about an hour and came back about 1:15 pm. She felt ready. There were fewer people, and the lights were more dim than her first hospital birth. Her midwife stayed with her to make sure her wishes were carried out. The first push with an epidural wasn’t bad. She had a newfound energy. The hospital staff was confident she was going to give birth. Bethany wasn’t so confident. Six pushes later, her second son was born at 1:42 pm. They put the baby immediately on her chest, and they delayed cord clamping until it was white. She had the placenta encapsulated. The midwife took the placenta in a cooler, and her apprentice took it from there. She still takes it and it’s not a big deal at all.
Bethany’s recovery was much better this time around. She hired a practitioner to help her with her recovery. She had teas, tonics, and herbs to help her heal. She felt more prepared for recovery this time and she felt different on days she didn’t take them. It definitely worked. She had good energy to keep up with her two boys. She set up a meal train to help make some things easier. Mentally, she cried everyday for at least three weeks. After that, she was happy when she was able to eat a good meal or get a shower in. She did have the days where she struggled to figure out how to be a family of four. She was able to breastfeed this time and she is still nursing her nine month old son. Her goal is to breast feed for a year. She feels lucky she didn’t struggle in this area. She wants to enjoy all of the baby moments this time around in case this is her last.
Resources:
over40fabulousandpregnant on instagram
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