On episode 8 we have Jackie from Bowling Green, Kentucky. She is a licensed professional clinical councilor with a private practice that specializes in trauma. Her husband is a stay-at-home Dad with their four boys. She is 40 years old and 35 weeks pregnant during this recording.
No where on my radar was pregnancy.
She struggled with her 40th birthday in April. She knew it was time to schedule her first mammogram and yearly appointment with her gynecologist. She went to her appointment the week after her birthday. The past month she thought she was experiencing premenopausal symptoms. Her sister went into menopause at 40, and she was having the same symptoms. She wasn’t having a cycle but was only spotting. She knew it wasn’t normal. She had a history of getting pregnant quickly, so they are very careful. She knew it was menopause.
At her appointment, she told her doctor it was menopause symptoms just like her sister. The doctor suggested a ultrasound to explore the possibility of fibroids she might have. She called her husband in a state of panic before she had the ultrasound. She messaged her sister, her brother, and her three best friends. She was scared and told them the doctor thought there was something wrong. She convinced herself she had cancer. She went solo for the ultrasound while her husband and her youngest son waited in the waiting room. She said, “the look on the tech’s face said this is news I don’t want to hear.” The tech announced, “Well, there’s a baby in there. Do you need a minute?” Jackie was in total shock. She needed a minute. The tech went on to tell her the baby is small, so they will need to do a transvaginal ultrasound to check it out.
They found a baby…
She bee-lined it to the restroom and broke down. She had their last baby when she was 35. She didn’t want to be pregnant. Her mom had her when she was 35, but she didn’t take care of herself. Jackie remembers her mom as old and sick and didn’t want to be the same. She was terrified she would follow suite. She decided long ago she was done having kids at 35, so she wouldn’t be like her mom. Her last birth was traumatic for her. She was the sole provider for the family and was in a good place where she was traveling quite a bit. The fearful thoughts consumed her. We walked back in the waiting room and sat next to her husband. She assumed her face was as white as a sheet, because her husband asked her concerningly if she was ok. She told him, “they found a baby in there,” and they both sat there in silence. They office staff watched their young son, so they could both be there for the ultrasound. As they left the office, she watched the office staff look and giggle at them as they left. She completely forgot about the messages she sent her family and friends. She had so many messages asking what was going on. She didn’t know what to tell them other than sending them a photo of the ultrasound and telling them it wasn’t cancer. She was seven weeks pregnant.
The first few months of her pregnancy she describes as a blur because she was still in denial and shock. Having a girl after four boys helped with the acceptance piece. She has four other children, so she thought she knew what pregnancy felt like. She didn’t get any of the same pregnancy symptoms this time. She normally gets vey tired, like unexplainable fatigue, and her breasts get sore. She didn’t have any of that this time. She says she’s the healthiest she’s every been. She says her and her husband have done a lot of metal work on themselves. She’s even taking a boxing class at her gym that helps her feel empowered. She says she’s the worst eater; she has a coco-cola addiction and calls this baby her taco bell baby. She has a sweet tooth, but really craves small crunchy ice. She’s a regular at the close convenience store. She’s always had heartburn with all of her pregnancies, including this one. She says it’s just more intense this time. Her gag reflex is worse this time she says. Her boys like to play ‘let’s make Mom throw up.’ Nausea hits her quickly and she doesn’t always make it to the toilet. She said one time she threw up on her car window. She didn’t it that time. She’s definitely more tired with this pregnancy.
Early on in her pregnancy she struggled with Antenatal depression. She said it was awful. She had suicidal thoughts that she’s never had before. She said it really threw her a loop. She saw the red flags and knew what was not normal for her. She voiced them to her doctor and was put on a low dosage of Zoloft. She said it’s been a life saver and feels great!
She says there was point where she thought not finding out the gender would be fun. She says her husband is the one that can’t wait. She says she likes to be prepared, too. There was a part of them with every baby that wanted a girl. With every pregnancy, they would always say, “of course it’s another boy.” It was their fear and expectation that this one would also be a boy. They were on vacation with her husband’s family and their boys in Orange Beach Alabama. They had the genetic testing that also tells you the gender done before they left. Jackie got the call while they were at the beach, the office said the baby is very healthy with no issues. Jackie cautiously said they wanted to know the gender when she ask. Jackie was nervous. Her husband said we assume it’s a boy. She replied, “Well this one is going to have to be a tomboy because it’s a little girl.” Jackie immediately started balling she says. She had a hard time believing it. Then her husband started to cry tears of joy also. Of course, she would have been happy with a boy too, but she says it was just a little sweeter. She calls herself a boy mom through and through. She can’t call her kids just ‘the boys’ now. She’ll has to say ‘the kids’. She says this girl has shaken up our whole world.
Her daughter is the first child to have a true nursery. All the other kids, they were in an apartment or sharing a room with her and her husband. She said when they moved into this house, they intentionally made a room just for her. It’s done and setup. Pregnancy and birth come easy for her, but breastfeeding doesn’t. She has had severe nipple trauma and pain with it. She’s been taking the Thompson method classes for breastfeeding. She says it’s a more natural method of breastfeeding that won’t cause nipple trauma. It allows the baby to latch on their own she says.
Jackie is planning for a hospital birth. Her last two births came at 36.5 and 37 weeks, so she expects this one to come about the same time. She started having Braxton hicks a few months ago. Each birth has come sooner and quicker. Her first birth was 8 hours of active labor. Her last one was born in 2.5 hours, start to finish. It was traumatic for her. She didn’t make it to the hospital sooner enough for pain relief. She wasn’t prepared for a nonmedicated birth. She has had one real contraction during this pregnancy that her body remembered as labor. This baby moves more than her other ones at night. She doesn’t remember that with her other pregnancies. It’s important to her that she is able to walk around while she’s in labor instead of being focused to lay in the bed. She wants to give herself a voice. She’s torn with all of pregnancies and wants to try to avoid that by being able to walk during labor.
She’s preparing for an unmediated birth just in case they don’t make it to the hospital, so she’s been practicing meditation and breath work. She’s trying to prepare for that. She even made her husband watch a video of someone giving birth in a car to help prepare him also. As a therapist, she loves guided imagery, so she’s been doing that for herself too. She’s been trying different exercises to help her focus 90 seconds at a time. She has practiced holding a piece of ice for 30 seconds and learning how to breath through the discomfort.
Aside from the nursing, her recoveries go well. She plans to stay home from work for 8-12 weeks. The nursery is set up, but she’ll sleep with them at night in her co-sleeper bassinette. She plans to spend as much time with her as she can. Her in-laws will come and visit to help. She says they have a lot of volunteers to help out after the baby comes. She doesn’t want to put a lot of pressure on the way things should go. She wants to soak up all the time she can to establish what it’s like to be a family of seven.
Here are the topics we discuss in this episode:
- Weight gain
- Heartburn
- Breastfeeding
- Postpartum
- Antenatal depression
RESOURCES:
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