On episode 21, we have Jenice from Forney, Texas who is a wellness coach and writer. She was 43 during her pregnancy with her daughter.
Motherhood started for Jenice when she got married. She has two bonus kids that are 18 and 21 years old. She also has two daughters with her husband: she had one at at 43, and the other at 39. It was a struggle to get pregnant the first time at 39. She says it took just one vacation to Florida on Valentine’s Day in 2020 the second time at 43. They discussed her husband getting a vasectomy just a few months before they went on vacation, but they weren’t worried because it took so long to get pregnant with their first daughter. She was not expecting to get pregnant nor wanted another child, but they also talked about having another child to mirror her bonus kids.
Jenice was having weird things happening with her body she says. She thought she was in early menopause, but looking back she thinks it was just denial. Her cycle was late and her body felt off. There was spotting and weird cramping. She didn’t want to take a pregnancy test, but her husband, a friend, and a nurse forced her to take a pregnancy test. She didn’t want to know; she says she wasn’t ready. Seeing the positive pregnancy test, she said was mortifying. Of course she wouldn’t take anything back, but her first daughter was a spit-fire that challenged her, so she didn’t feel like she was ready to have another child. She was scared.
I already had a geriatric pregnancy the first time. To do it again after 40, what’s my body going to do?
She felt weird being old, she says she was already a geriatric pregnancy the first time. She had so many questions this time: Am I going to have a C-section? Can I have a doula in the room? They had her two bonus children, and their daughter in an apartment. She was unsure what adding to their family would look like. She used her same OBGYN for this pregnancy, she says her doctor has been with her through all the things and couldn’t imagine using someone else.
I felt better off this pregnancy because I was moving my body a lot more. I wanted to be very strong in the birthing room.
For this pregnancy she at least knew what to expect, she explains. She said copious amounts of Taco Bell helped her through a laugh. Jenice used oil on her belly that she thinks helped with stretch marks. She was moving her body daily instead of lying in bed like she did during the first pregnancy. Being more active during this pregnancy was very important to her. Even her pre-workout drink helped her with energy and the nausea during the day. Ginger ale, peppermint oil, and saltines were never far away to help. The nausea was so bad a few times, she tried to make herself throw up. She says she never threw up, she just felt sick to her stomach ALL day long. In both pregnancies she gained a lot of weight. She doesn’t think that was helpful with either pregnancy.
She created some practices at home to help her manage her anxiety throughout her pregnancy. She made sure to meditate more often, so she created a corner for her to do this. She started making her own candles again which she found very therapeutic. She also leaned on the women in her fitness community for support.
She found out the sex of her baby. She had no doubt she was having a boy! She said everyone thought it was a boy! For the gender reveal, they had a drag race with a red and blue car to represent each gender. They raced the two cars and the gender that won was what she was having. The red car won the race of course! She explains being disappointed wasn’t the right emotion, but she knows she was scared. She said, “oh no!” when she watched the red car win the race. She already had a daughter and thought that two daughters would be a challenge. She’s also an only child, so she says she doesn’t have a point of reference with siblings.
She never craves Taco Bell any other time she explains. Beef and avocado sandwiches with nothing-but-bagel-seasoning is something she craved, too. She also craved sandwiches despite the warnings of eating deli meat. Her biggest craving of all was birthday cake. She says it must be a white cake from a grocery store with butter cream icing. It became such a joke with her and her husband that one time he had the bakers write: Your ass is pregnant. She says there’s been a few times in the past that they thought she was pregnant because the craving was so strong. She suspects this craving is the cause of the weight gain.
I didn’t want Pitocin because I think it’s a gateway to an Epidural.
Even though she’s done this before, Jenice was very nervous about the birth. Since this was her second birth, she wasn’t as strict in preparing. Having her diffuser and crystals in the room was a must for her. She wanted a little alter space in the hospital room. Music while she labored was also must. This pregnancy they decided not to have a doula. It was just going to be her and her husband in the room. It was important for her to feel comfortable in the space during labor. She wanted to hold out as long as possible for an epidural.
At 37 weeks, the doctor was concerned about her high blood pressure at her appointment. She wasn’t prepared to have the baby that day, but she was admitted to the hospital. She was scared. Luckily, she had packed a bag for her husband to pick up from home. The doctor broke her water to try to start labor naturally. It didn’t work, so the doctor tried again. When it didn’t work the second time, she was given Pitocin which she was hoping to avoid. She says it happened so fast before all the pain started. She thinks she labored a day and a half, but she’s not sure.
I had a beautiful baby, but I had to go through the gross, I guess.
Jenice does remember the pushing was more significate this time. This baby was bigger than her first, so that might have had something to do with it. She felt an urgency to get the baby out this time. She thinks she was more aware during this labor. She describes this birth as messy and gross. Besides labor, she wasn’t feeling well, and she had a large cyst on her inner thigh that was adding to her pain. They had to call in another doctor to look at it moments before she gave birth. She was so embarrassed when it finally eradicated. When her daughter Charlie was crowing, she remembers Nina Simone playing on election night.
Her daughter’s blood sugar was low, and she had jaundice. There were lots of decisions they had to make quickly, so it was scary for her. She stayed a few more days longer in the hospital because of it.
The best part was they got to come home to their first house instead of an apartment like the first time. She enjoyed the bed she picked out. It was also nice that her oldest bonus child was able to tend to her other daughter while she was with the baby. Jenice’s mother stayed with them to help when they first got home.
Her breastfeeding experience was better this time around, but the jaundice made it challenging in the beginning. The staff suggested she donate her milk, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She fed her baby with formula at the beginning too but overall, it was a hybrid. She had a fear her baby wasn’t getting enough. She also safely co-slept with her daughter, but she grew out of the side-sleeper quickly. She stopped breastfeeding at about 6 months but misses that special time she had with her daughter.
Why am I so angry? What is this?
She said she handled postpartum depression better this time than the first time. Her lows inspired her to go online, start a blog, and find other mothers who were going through the same thing. She shared on Instagram what she was going through in an honest way. This helped her get more into her wellness journey where she’s lost over fifty pounds so far. Her doctor called it postpartum rage which is not uncommon. It wasn’t depression this time, it was anger she describes. This time she did try medication, but she didn’t like the way it felt. Medication wasn’t a path that worked for her. It caused trimmers and ringing in her ears. Prioritizing meditation, prayer and working out helped her through the feelings of rage. She also left the house alone sometimes which also helped.
Staying fit has more to do with keeping up with the kids more than looks.
Generally, she said being tired was one of her biggest challenges, but she also said she wanted to eat whatever she wanted at the beginning of the third trimester. She knew it would be harder to lose the weight at this point of her life if she ate that way. She said it was hard. She believes if she was pregnant in her 20’s, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to eat what she wanted and lose the weight after the baby was born. She says if she could give herself advice during pregnancy, it would be to lay off the birthday cake. This time it was hard to get the weight off. To be better prepared, she wishes she stockpiled her savings for daycare.
“That version of you back then probably couldn’t even handle what you just went through.”
To Jenice, motherhood is a gift, but she wishes more women realized they were going to lose some of their old identity. She is realizing who she is now is a different person. She believes even if you lose some of who you use to be, maybe you were supposed to. Build on who you are now around motherhood, not despite of it. She believes all mothers deserve to have their own identity away from their children, but most of your identity is a mother. Becoming a mother changes everything, you’re always going to be a mom. If you aren’t prepared to lose some of the old you, it can really go sideways. Redefine who you are.
Here are the topics we discuss in this episode:
- Weight gain
- Gender reveal
- geriatric pregnancy
- exercise
- birth plan
- Doula
- Induced
- Medicated Labor
- Postpartum Rage
- Co-sleeping
- Breastfeeding
- Vasectomy
- motherhood
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