On episode 48, we have Jamey on to share her embryo adoption and pregnancy story at 41. Jamey works in forensic science and lives in Jacksonville, Florida with her husband, their 11-week-old daughter, and their two dogs and two cats. At 30 years old, Jamey and her husband got married. She knew that they wanted to start a family right away. They had been together almost five years, and she knew time was not on her side. She stopped taking birth control the summer before their wedding. A year later, she noticed she wasn’t ovulating, at least according to the tests strip. She wanted to get checked out by a doctor.
It got me to exactly where I am supposed to be.
The doctor didn’t find much of anything wrong. He said some of her numbers were low but he wasn’t concerned. He suggested if they were in a hurry to start a family, they could start with IUI’s. She did three IUI’s until the doctor kept calling her Jennifer. She decided if he couldn’t remember her name, maybe he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. She changed clinics after that.
The next doctor was an Auburn alumni, so her husband got along well with him. She thinks she tried three rounds of medicated and unmedicated inseminations. None of them worked. The doctor suggested exploratory surgery to make sure she didn’t have endometriosis or fibroids. In 2014, the hysteroscopy found she had endometriosis, but it was very minor. The doctor removed it at the same time. She was in recovery for quite some time because she developed an infection in her uterus. A few months later when her cycle returned and to this day, she has very painful cramps that she’s never had before.
She had her first egg retrieval in January 2015. She couldn’t remember her exact numbers, but she remembers getting less than 12 eggs every time. She always felt like a failure because the number of eggs was always low compared to other women’s numbers. During the mandatory therapy session to use donor eggs, Jamey and her husband expressed each of their struggles with one of them not being genetically their own. It was frustrating and hurt Jamey that her husband wouldn’t be ok with using donor sperm instead of donor eggs. He’s not close with his family, and she learned it was important to him that he start a legacy with his own DNA. It made so much sense to her now that she knew.
In 2017, she found a proven egg donor, and did a fresh egg retrieval where she got 20+ eggs. The number of eggs got their hopes up, but the numbers plummeted just like they did with her eggs: They only got three embryos. They did one transfer with the donor eggs that didn’t work. Jamey had a feeling her and a friend used the same donor because the donor looked like her friend. When Jamey spoke to her friend, she confirmed they used the same donor. Her friend was successful though. So successful, that she got twins. Since Jamey’s background is science by trade, she concluded it was a sperm issue. The doctor didn’t agree. Her doctor said it was just the luck of the draw. She couldn’t accept it, so she changed doctors at the clinic. The new doctor wasn’t as old school as the previous one. This one did studies on the uterine lining at different times in a woman’s cycle to make sure they are actually doing a transfer at the proper time for her body. He was willing to take her on as a patient and do the testing. The doctor saw the lining of her uterus wasn’t as thick as he had wanted on the standard transfer day of day five. Day seven, her uterus was too thin, so day six was the right transfer day for her. When she was almost 35, she had her last two embryos transfers on day six. Neither of them worked. She was devastated. She loves to work out and loves to be active, but her body was hurting from all the progesterone shots she was taking in her hips. From this point on in her journey she refused all shots in her hips. She needed to take a step back from it. She took a year break before deciding what the next step would be. In the back of her mind, she hoped she’d spontaneously get pregnant.
When Jamey was 36 in the summer of 2018, she found a third clinic. She wanted a fresh start. She fell in love with the new clinic and loved that the doctor was open to listening to her. This time, she had to start over with testing since it had been so long since her last ones. Her numbers weren’t much different than her numbers at 30, so the doctor was happy with how her body was looking. Her husband’s numbers were on the low end of normal. She shut down the idea of using donor sperm when it was suggested, but she said she tried everything again but an egg retrieval at that clinic. She knew it was going to be a waste of their money to even try IVF. She knew that it was a sperm issue, but it could also be a combination. She considered adopting siblings, so then they can do it once and never have to go through this again. But, at the same time, she wanted to experience pregnancy if it was possible. That’s how they settled on embryo adoption. She thought of the millions of embryos sitting in freezers because couples have completed their family. It got really exciting when she spoke to the clinic about donor embryo adoption. The results she was reading about were even better than conventional IVF results. Jamey assumed the embryos were probably healthy and wouldn’t have to be sent off for testing. They decided in 2020 that they wanted to adopt an embryo, but the clinics weren’t taking new patients. That gave them time to really dive in with their counselor about this option and what that would mean. They were to the point where they felt like shouting it from the rooftops that their baby was conceived this way. She didn’t want it to be a secret. In the back of her mind, she thought what it would be like if she were biologically hers. That’s never going to go away.
The embryos available were through her clinic, so they started looking at profiles and history of each of the couples. There were no photos because the couples were local to the general area, but she did know the grading of the embryos, and how many babies were created. They came across a profile that they loved, but she didn’t remember why. Her very first donor embryo transfer was at the end of January in 2021. They adopted three embryos but transferred two. On day 10, her first BETA was in the 300’s. Twins was a possibility! She got the first COVID vaccine. She forgot she was pregnant until they asked. She told them she was two weeks along when they asked. The look on the lady’s face—she said she should have walked away because she could tell that she didn’t want to give her the shot. Jamey explains the lady wasn’t allowed to say anything. Five days later, she miscarried. She blames herself, but there’s no way to know. It broke her.
It wasn’t until September until she was ready for the next transfer. By October, she was pregnant from that second transfer with that same profile. However, her BETA was only 36. The doctor wanted it above 50. Two days later it didn’t quite double. So, they went back a second time to see if it doubled. It didn’t, so they told her to stop all medication. Jamey considered this another miscarriage. It was then she believed she could get pregnant but questioned herself if she could keep it.
Jamey told her husband she didn’t know if she was ready to try again. She took another break until March of 2022. Then they found a profile that she describes as fine. She put a deposit down for it, but she continued to look at other profiles. Then, there was a new one that popped up in April. She loved this profile because the bio mom had curly brown hair, green eyes, 5’-4”, and was born in April, just like Jamey. She was surprised there was someone that had her same features. The embryos were created through a sperm donor, so they had the donor’s height, weight and all the particulars. He looks nothing like Jamey’s husband, but the donor was a personal trainer. Her husband used to be a personal trainer, so they are both athletic. Then she remembered that their ethnicities were very similar. Jamey is Irish and German and her husband is Irish, German and English. The thought that the baby could actually resemble them both was incredible. Before even speaking with her husband, she called her clinic to switch profiles. It wasn’t a problem, but she and her husband had to go back to the clinic and sign for this new profile. She frantically called her husband. She told him they had to go back to the clinic to sign some papers. He asked her why. She replied by saying she would send him the information and just to trust her. There was just something about this profile that it’s just perfect. Her husband looked at the profile and got excited, too.
This journey taught me to stop planning EVERYTHING.
That quickly got Jamey onboard for the next transfer. She was so excited, they transferred one of the three embryos from this profile only a few weeks later in June 2022. Her hair has always been something she loved, so the thought that her potential child could have her big, curly hair, got her really excited. The transfer didn’t take. She was disappointed, but she was still so in love with the profile, she tried again in August 2022. This was the first time that she jumped from one cycle into another. She transferred the two remaining embryos. One embryo was frozen by itself, and the other two were frozen in one straw together. She and her husband were okay with twins. After the transfer, she began to have the same symptoms she had the other two times she was pregnant, but they were minor. She was preparing herself because her numbers were low. Her symptoms were dizziness, like vertigo, but it wasn’t constant. It would come on strong and then dissipate. She was pretty sure she was pregnant. That was the first time she didn’t take a pregnancy test. She didn’t do anything any different this time. She felt so much at peace of whatever was going to happen. The nurse called and told her she was pregnant. She was literally about to head out to Tampa for three or four days for work. The nurse told her that she needed to be tested to check her numbers to make sure they are quadrupling. She promised on her way back into town, she would swing by to get her blood drawn. She called her husband as she was driving to Tampa to tell him they were pregnant. ”Well… I’ll see you in four days, and we’ll celebrate?”
The universe owed me! My pregnancy was SO easy.
Jamey had her blood work done at the clinic when she got back as she promised. They called her back within two hours. Her numbers more than doubled. She was pregnant and wouldn’t have to come back until her six-week ultrasound appointment. They had to go back again and again because it’s an IVF baby and she was over 40 and was at high risk. She had to go to a maternal fetal medicine doctor. She had to go to him and also her routine OB throughout her pregnancy. The pregnancy was supposed to happen exactly how it did and when it did. It was so easy. She had no issues. The doctors were so impressed. They couldn’t believe how strong her cervix was at her age, being an IVF baby, and having gone through so many medical procedures. She didn’t develop gestational diabetes at her age. She had very little nausea. All she wanted was pizza and bread the first 14 weeks. She felt bad for the baby because it is growing inside her and hasn’t seen a vegetable or protein in weeks! The doctor assured her that as long as she is eating, it didn’t matter. The doctor told her to take her prenatal vitamins, eat what she can, and stay hydrated. She gave herself grace and just ate a lot of pizza and bagels for a really long time. The food aversion went away. She pretty much ate anything she wanted until the baby was born.
Jamey walked her whole pregnancy. She had a pair of sneakers that could slide off without untying. They were a very popular brand on Instagram she fell for and she’s glad. She could just step into her shoes and go. No bending over and tying her shoes.
Jamey has used the same OB since 2009 when she moved to Jacksonville. She was in her network and close to her office, and really like her. It’s a practice with several doctors that rotated through the clinic, so she gets to meet all of them because she won’t know who will be delivering her baby. Jamey didn’t have a birth plan. She didn’t want a birth plan. She was tired of controlling everything and having expectations she decided as long as her daughter enters this world safely and healthy, she didn’t care how she gets here.
She ended up getting the genetic test when she was pregnant, just to make sure that the baby didn’t have any diseases or illnesses: Downs Syndrome or something, just so she could be prepared. It wouldn’t have change her decision either way. The doctor called her the day before Thanksgiving to tell them everything was fine genetically. Jamey asked if she could know the gender. She had been waiting ten years to hear this! It was a girl. Great! It’s a girl, it’s a boy! She didn’t care. They have been waiting so long. It could have been a cookie monster, and she would have been thrilled. Then she decided to have a gender reveal for the family. Her and her husband’s family had to wait a few weeks to find out at the party.
The doctor wanted to induce Jamey before her due date. She wanted her birthday to be on Cinco de Mayo. They scheduled her for May 4th to start the ripening process which is a whole other thing she explains. Then, the induction would start on the 5th. There weren’t any beds available when Jamey called on the fourth and again on the 5th. On May 6th, they finally had room for her. Because she wasn’t dilated or effaced, they started the ripening process. She wished she took that as a sign to let nature take its course, but she wanted to meet their daughter. She did 12 hours of a medication called Cervidil which is supposed to soften everything and open things up. It didn’t work. At midnight on May 7th, they repeated the medication for another 12 hours. Nothing. For the next try, they used another medication called Misoprostol. This was a four- hour process using a pill, but she couldn’t eat. Her sister came and brought Jamey’s yoga ball. Bouncing on the ball finally got labor going. It was rough because it progressed so quickly, she developed pre-eclampsia. Her blood pressure went through the roof. Luckily, all this happened after the epidural, so the pain wasn’t so bad. She was just dizzy and not herself, and had to be on magnesium. Luckily, none of that affected the baby’s blood pressure or heart rate. Her labor was 48 hours long with active labor being about 20 hours. She was delivered on Monday, May 8th at 11 a.m. She couldn’t get out of bed for the next 24 hours because she was a fall risk. It just wasn’t what she thought it would be after having her baby.
She was able to hold her baby, but that wasn’t the issue. Jamey still had a catheter and had to ask for a bed pan. It just wasn’t the cute, adorable image that she had in her head of what recovery would be in the hospital with her newborn. She thought she would be walking the halls with her baby or walking around the room, bouncing her and looking cute. They took her off of magnesium, but she had to stay in the hospital for at least 24 more hours after the magnesium to monitor her. She was in the hospital for another 36 hours. It wasn’t the experience she expected to have with the birth of her baby. She didn’t have any expectations, but that sure as heck wasn’t what she was expecting.
Jamey’s recovery was hard because she was so bloated from the magnesium. The swelling was minimal, but the magnesium caused her to gain about 30 pounds of water weight on top of the natural pregnancy pounds that she had put on. She looked like a completely different person from the waist down. Her legs did not fit into anything that she had brought with her to wear home, so her husband had to go home and find a flowy dress for her. She couldn’t wear her shoes. She could barely walk because her legs weighed so much. She had a hard time walking for about two weeks. It was a vaginal delivery with a second degree tear. She was sitting so much that her stitches tore. They ended up taking them out. She was cleared at her six-week appointment, though. Luckily, her baby weight fell off just because she’s such a good eater and a good sleeper. Jamey is getting 9-11 hours of sleep per night. In the beginning, she woke her baby up to feed her, but now she just lets her sleep. If she was hungry, she would wake up.
The first two weeks after coming home, Jamey was in a weird place in her mind. She questioned if this was the right decision. She was in so much pain, she did not feel like herself, and she missed her friends. She missed her life. She assumes it was the hormones, too. She is grateful to have so many friends with kids for support. They assured her it was normal, but also said don’t hesitate to seek professional help too. She feels guilty for feeling that way. Mentally, Jamey is doing much better. She is 11 weeks postpartum during this recording and is still experiencing discomfort.
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