On episode 29, we have Mary from Fort Worth, Texas who is a homeschool mom of seven. Her and her husband have been married 16 years and their seven kids together range from 14 years old down to 9 months. She was pregnant at 40 and 44.
They had a miscarriage with the first baby. Surprised with the second. That’s when they didn’t try or prevent pregnancies. After they had four babies, she had a miscarriage, then had a few years of a break. Their 5th baby was a surprise at 38. She wanted one more but she wasn’t willing to try. With the disappointment of two miscarriages, she hesitated to try. If it happened, it would be great and if it didn’t, she would be at peace. She likes to leave it in God’s hands. Mary was having regular cycles. She missed one, so she took a pregnancy test for confirmation. She was very thankful for the positive test result.
I think my pregnancies at 40 and 44 were my best pregnancies.
Mary says she was very unhealthy in her 30’s, but it never took a lot of work to get back to her pre-pregnancy shape. After her baby at 38, it wasn’t as easy. She found a book and cookbooks by two sister, Trim Healthy Mama. She liked that it was real food. She knew her husband wasn’t going to start any diet plan because the whole family would need to be on board. The book said to eat carbs and no fats or fats and protein. Also, to eliminate sugar, processed foods, and all refined carbs. Her last three pregnancies on this diet were completely different. She didn’t have the swelling nor aches and pains nor gain as much weight. She stayed active 5-6 days a week during the pregnancies. She felt great all the way to the last trimester when she was just uncomfortable. She believes changing her diet made pregnancy so much easier and comfortable.
She recalls her pregnancy at 40 uneventful. First trimester she threw up a lot. The second trimester felt great. Third trimester she started to have a lot of contractions. The doctor was watching her very carefully because she was sure Mary was going to go into labor very soon. When she went into labor, she wasn’t willing to go to the hospital. She just assumed the contractions were like the others and would stop soon. One morning she woke up with pretty strong contractions. Her husband wanted her to go, but she refused. He said he was taking her regardless. By the time they got to the hospital, she didn’t want to get out of the car because the contractions had stopped. Her worst fear is going to the hospital and being sent home because she’s not in labor. She called her sister, and she suggested she walk around the parking garage. If they started back up, she could go inside, and if they stopped, she could just go home.
She started to walk around the parking garage, but she needed to use the restroom. Her plan was to go inside and say she needed to use the restroom, but what came out was, “I think I’m in labor.” She did NOT mean to say that. The hospital staff took her back to triage. The nurse checked her and then left the room. She came back with another nurse to check her again. One nurse looked at the other and said, “are you feeling what I’m feeling?” Mary had no idea what they were discussing. She felt like she was in the dark. They told her she was 10 cm dilated, and they could feel the baby’s head. She didn’t understand because the contractions had stopped. At her last doctor’s appointment, the baby was sideways. Mary has a history of having too much amniotic fluids which causes her bump to be larger and the baby to float around freely. The doctor described it to her like most babies have a pool, but hers have an ocean. With 4 of her pregnancies, her water has broken at home because of the excess fluid. She thinks that’s why she didn’t get the hospital sooner. They used an ultrasound to take a better look, and it confirmed the baby was still sideways. They didn’t want her to go to the restroom because they were afraid of a prolapsed cord with the natural pushing. The doctor knew all of her previous births were vaginal and didn’t want this to be her first c-section. They took Mary into the OR and prepped her, including an epidural just in case they had to perform an emergency c-section. First, the doctor tried to use her hands to turn the baby. When that didn’t work, she used a tongue depressor. She says this isn’t her first baby they had to wrangle into position. Mary was thankful for the epidural she got earlier because she didn’t feel anything. Her husband had to turn away because it looked so painful. The doctor was successful in turning the baby the second time, and then Mary went back to labor and delivery. The doctor warned her she was going to digress, and she did. She went back to 6 cm dilated. She had to wait for her body to dilate again, and then her daughter, baby #6 was born perfectly with a few pushes.
She says her recovery was painful. She said after the epidural wore off, she felt like she had been run over. Being a witness to the turning, she said her husband wasn’t surprised she was so sore. She said that’s the sorest recovery she’s ever experienced. It wasn’t because of the birth, but because of the manipulation of baby’s position. Mary has breast fed all of her babies, and this one was no different. As usual, her milk came in 3 or 4 days. The baby nursed and slept well. Mary was able to breast feed for over a year. To keep up with the supply, she ate every three hours whether she was hungry or not. She knows if she doesn’t eat, she’ll be up at 2 am starving.
No, I’m too old.
Mary and her husband were content after the birth of baby #6 at 40. She was happy with her six wonderful children. She even gave away baby stuff. Her cycle returned about a year after she gave birth, but it wasn’t regular like it had been before. It was 30 days, 40 days, 60 days, then 20 days. Her cycle was all over the board. With her irregular cycles, she had given up on the possibility of getting pregnant. She thought this was a sign she was premenopausal and accepted this was the end of bearing children. Mary went on with life. On day, her kids asked her when she was 44 for another sibling, and she told them she’s too old.
In September of 2021, she got sick and was very sick for two months. She thinks being sick helped hide her pregnancy. Any pregnancy symptoms were masked by her sickness. They had to move their annual beach trip from September to November because she was so ill. On the beach trip, she still didn’t feel great. She assumed she still wasn’t feeling well thinking it was the water at the beach. They returned home to celebrate thanksgiving and Christmas. She hadn’t gained any weight and was feeling her normal self again. After Christmas she gained a few pounds and assumed it was just the rich holiday foods she had eaten. But she couldn’t lose the extra weight. She says it looked like bloat after a big meal. She called it premenopausal bloat. The last day of January she felt a baby kick, but she ignored it. She assumed she was imagining kicks like she was reminiscing previous pregnancies. Then the next day she felt more. At this point, she thought she was losing her mind and asked her husband to grab a pregnancy test on the way home to confirm she was indeed crazy and not pregnant. She took the test when he came home for lunch, and she was shocked to see the positive results. She did the math, and her last cycle was 22 weeks ago. She started to panic. She asked herself what medications she took when she was sick. Then she looked at her eating habits over the last few months to think it wasn’t enough for a growing baby. She was trying to lose the extra weight.
Mary called to schedule an appointment with her doctor, but she couldn’t get in because of the ice storm that was approaching. She said she was a basket case watching the ice melt. She ate a lot during the storm because she was worried she had been starving her baby. They had an ultrasound at the appointment to confirm the pregnancy. She said the tech laughed because Mary was visibly showing and here was this full-grown baby on the monitor. You could even see that the baby was obviously a girl. This was baby #7, and she had always known she was pregnant BEFORE she took the pregnancy test. She was still shocked she got this far along without having any clue she was pregnant. They confirmed that day at her first appointment Mary was 22 weeks pregnant.
Mary didn’t know, but her husband said he did. He tells her of a time she was joking around and grabbed the skin of her belly and shook it. He immediately thought she was pregnant, but he knew it wasn’t a good accusation considering the state of mind she was in.
I took that first month to really wrap my head around I was going to have a baby in 4 months.
That first month after Mary found out, she needed time to process this pregnancy. She mourned the loss of the future that she had planned because things were changing again. Like, she had vacation plans. They canceled one because she would be 38 weeks along, and that’s when she typically gave birth. Mary took it harder than her kids. They were so happy about having another sibling, they didn’t care about the vacation. She really only felt like she was pregnant for 4 months. She looks back to realize she was pregnant on their beach vacation and when they open presents on Christmas morning. Her baby was with them, and she didn’t even know. Part of her was sad she missed out on the first half of her pregnancy.
Mary used the same doctor for both pregnancies. She likes her doctor because she’s always been hands off. She’s never recommended any additional testing because of her age. She doesn’t mention her age at all. Mary hasn’t seen anything labeled advanced maternal age. Her doctor was like that both times, and she really appreciated that.
To prepare for her babies, Mary likes to get lots of rest. Her first baby was born at 32 weeks, and the classes they scheduled were after that, so she’s never taken classes. She likes to learn through experience, so she doesn’t feel the need for classes. In the birth room, she just wants her husband with her. She says he’s the only way she can get through contractions. He has to be holding her hand. He can only use the restroom between contractions. She likes ice chips to suck on during labor. She likes limited interventions.
She was 39 weeks pregnant at 44 when she was very uncomfortable with her baby #7 because of the excess amniotic fluid. She’d never been this far into the pregnancy before. Her doctor suggested she be induced. She agreed because typically her labors do not go quick. She’s always needed Pitocin to get labors going again after they stop. This appointment was on a Thursday, and she was scheduled to be induced that Saturday. Saturday came, but the hospital called and told her there weren’t any beds available. As the morning went on, she went into labor. They were coming closer and closer. She started to panic because even if she went to the hospital, there wasn’t a bed for her. Her husband suggested going grocery shopping instead. She didn’t think she could walk around the store and knew walking would progress labor. At lunch time, there was a bed available. She was 3 cm dilated with contractions when she arrived to her room. The staff noticed she was having contractions on the monitor and asked her if she knew. She replied, “yes, I can feel them!” The contractions weren’t anything she couldn’t handle at that point. She likes to wait for the epidural until she can’t handle the pain. She got to 6 cm and asked for an epidural. After she got the epidural, all of a sudden she felt an immense feeling of pressure between her legs. She said the pain was so intense she felt like she wanted to bite into a stick. She told them the baby is coming. The nurses told her not to push as they went to get the doctor. The epidural hadn’t taken effect yet, but the baby was coming. She was in so much pain and wondered why the epidural hadn’t kicked in yet. Her pain was out racing the epidural. The second push, the epidural kicks in. Third push, she’s almost out. Fourth push, she was born! She had an epidural for two pushes! She was born with a little bit of meconium, but she didn’t have to go to NICU. Mary got to the hospital at 12:30, and she was born at 4:00. This is her fastest birth. These 2 births in her 40’s were her quickest deliveries.
Her recovery didn’t feel like it was any different than the others. The only difference between her first 4 and last three is that she didn’t feel so bad because she hadn’t gained so much weight. And the end weight was just the extra amniotic fluid. Any swelling that she had and the weight gain was gone immediately once her water broke. She went home from the hospital already feeling so much better, and she slept better. She says recovery is so much better compared to the last month of pregnancy.
During the recording of the show, Mary is 9 months into her breast feeding journey with baby #7. This one has been her most challenging baby with nursing. Her daughter doesn’t like food and eats very little. Lately, she’s been eating yogurt, or oatmeal once in a blue moon. She will go weeks without eating solid food. She was born with a very strong startle reflex. When they did the hearing test on her after she was born, they had to pile blankets on her to keep from moving during the testing. 9 months later, she still startles so easily. She can only nurse her in her bedroom, dark and with the white noise sound on so she can’t see or hear anything. She’s never had a baby so distracted. Her daughter shares a bedroom with her other siblings, and she wakes up if they roll over or even cough. All of her babies have been sleeping through the night by 3 months old. She doesn’t think she did anything special but has a nightly routine. Her baby #7 baby still wakes up at least once or twice during the night. Even when she gets her to eat three meals a day, she still wakes up in the night.
Mary is thankful she hasn’t struggled with postpartum depression. Mentally, she does really well after each pregnancy. She falls in love with her baby during this time. She thought she was done having kids at 40, but she really feels done at 45. She’s trying not to rush anything with her last baby and treasures each moment she has. She looks at her 14 year old and sees how fast time moves.
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