On episode 37, Sam joins us to share her solo pregnancy journey story at 42. She considers herself a very independent person and works full time for a travel company. Travel is her life: she’s been to 72 countries and 7 continents and lived in 3 different countries. She moved to Australia at 29 weeks pregnant. She lives to work and works to live. Her life’s goal is to work to travel but that has changed since her 40 birthday. Sam is 42 and lives in Australia with her three week old daughter.
At 27 years old, while living in London, she was told she couldn’t have children because she had endometriosis. She was in a relationship at the time, and they decided to continue to try for a baby anyway despite the doctor saying it was impossible. From then, she’s put the possibility out of her mind and moved on with life. It was her 40th birthday in 2020 when she was living in NYC. She thinks it might have been the loneliness of that year ,but that’s when she wanted to see a fertility doctor. She felt like she was missing something from her life. She kept herself busy for so many years and pushing the idea of having a child out of her head. That year changed her perspective on everything. She felt isolated even being in a big city like NYC. She saw the fertility doctor in September once things started to open back up. Her numbers from the initial tests were amazing: her AMH was great. They told her she wouldn’t have any problems falling pregnant. It was eye opening for her. She felt like she wasted so many years of her life thinking she wasn’t able to have children. She had been single for a good part of the last decade. She thinks that was a sub subconscious decision because she didn’t want to disappoint a potential partner.
She had a few friends back in Australia that were single moms by choice that gave her inspiration she could do this on her own, too. That started her on the rabbit hole of donor websites. It was very overwhelming. Selecting a donor was the hardest part of the journey. She went through genetic testing to ensure that her and the donor didn’t have any of the same genetic disorders. After she had, what felt like 10,000 vials of blood drawn from her, and the results, then she could really narrow down her donor selection. Also, this time she started to really track her cycle. She download helpful apps on her phone, peed on sticks to track her ovulation. She wanted to know everything was working. It was, the app predicted when she was ovulating and she was. Her cycles were very regular. She wasn’t vaccinated for the chicken pox, so she either had to sign a waiver or delay fertility treatments for three months. She didn’t hesitate to take the vaccine before proceeding.
At 27 I was told I couldn’t have kids and now at 40, you’re going to have a really big problem getting pregnant…
The doctor recommended going straight to IVF but together they decided to start with two IUI’s which helped decide what to purchase from the donor bank. Sam was told she had a 5% chance of the IUI’s being successful only based on her age. When buying donor sperm, you have to buy the washed vials which has the sperm separated from the semen. Instead of looking at the donors like she was going to date them, she focused on the genetics of her child. She left most of the filters off and looked at the genetic and medical history of each donor. Being a single mom was going to be challenging at times, so she chose a donor that was the same race as her, too. She started off the search with very strict requirements, but then quickly realized she didn’t need any of that. She also looked at donors with the same blood type as her because she thought it might be easier to get pregnant even though it doesn’t work like that. Her clinic recommended she have 2 vials per cycle, so she purchased 4 vials of washed sperm. She had only 2 vials shipped to her clinic because the donor bank offered her free storage up to 12 months.
In January 2020, after starting her cycle and medication, she went in for monitoring to confirm she had follicles growing. She had three follicles that were a decent size and took the trigger shot 36 hours prior to the procedure to initiate ovulation to release the eggs. The IUI procedure was quick and painless for her. It was less than three minutes. They told her she could lay there for 10 minutes or get up and go immediately. She just got up and left. She knew the stories that you have to hold your legs up for some time, but she said it’s proven medically that it’s not true. The sperm is already in the uterus, so it doesn’t need to swim anywhere. With three follicles, she asked if triples was a possibility. Her doctor told her, it is possible, but with her chances already being so low with older eggs, it wasn’t likely. The two-week wait was terrible. She kept herself really busy. The day of the IUI she went straight back to work. She wanted to keep her brain busy. She made sure to eat really went during that time by eating green veggies and warm foods. She surprised herself by not doing any symptom spotting. She wanted to forget it even happened and then think about it two weeks later. Her nights were a struggle but she kept busy during the day at work. She was having dreams she was pregnant and others where she lost it that second week. Day 12 she felt period cramps and her lower back ached. She was confident it didn’t work but also knew symptoms can be similar for both. Day 13 she took a home pregnancy test and it was negative. She called her clinic to let them know and her cycle started later that day. The clinic told her not to even bother coming in to do her beta test.
I’m broken. What have I done wrong? Is it me? I’m old.
The next steps were to go straight into her second IUI cycle in February. It happened the same as the first round, the difference was she was symptom spotting this time. It was harder this time because she was so confident the first time was going to be successful. She felt cravings, she felt tingles in her uterus… She googled symptoms. She tested on day 11 this time and got a negative pregnancy result. She thought it would cause her too much anxiety, so she did not take multiple pregnancy tests. She was heartbroken after the second negative test result. She put herself down. The chat with her doctor helped her and she realized she needed to take a break. She had two music festivals and a trip coming up. She wanted to pick things back up in May to start her IVF journey.
After a fantastic trip to the Bahamas with her best friend, she was relaxed and feeling good. In May, she started by getting her medications and felt lost at the beginning. She wasn’t sure where to get things and how to do things. Especially, with the finances and insurance. Being from Australia, she says it’s complicated in the Sates. She feels really lucky she had $25K worth of fertility treatments with her insurance. Now understanding what was included in that $25K was impossible. Even the insurance didn’t know, so she would have to wait until they were billed. Cash upfront can be cheaper than going through insurance and then being rejected. She wishes she had someone help her understand what was included. The first injection she had to give herself went fine. She didn’t have a support person at home to help her, so she had her best friend on zoom to talk her through it. After the first day, she could do it with her eyes closed. She found doing the injections herself empowering. She describes her egg retrieval going really smoothly. During her monitoring, she had 15-18 growing follicles. She thinks looking at the ovaries with all of the follicles through the ultra sound, she thinks it looks like a chocolate chip cookie. That’s where her daughter’s nickname came from. She had little expectations going in for the procedure because of her age. She was jumping for joy when she found out they retrieved 18 eggs, 16 were mature, 14 fertilized. She thought those numbers were fantastic. She had such high hopes of at least getting 50% embryos. On day 7 she got the call she had 2 embryos. She was devastated. She chose to have PGT testing on them. That was the hardest two week wait. When the doctor called with the results, she immediately knew it wasn’t good news. They were both abnormal. Both would have resulted in a miscarriage, so she is glad she tested them.
She decided to do second egg retrieval straight away the next cycle. This time they retrieved 14 eggs, 13 mature, 7 fertilized, and 2 embryos again. Zero tested normal again. Sam wanted to do a third cycle, but she wanted to wait. She waited a few months so her body could have a break. She was set for another egg retrieval in December 2021. Day 8 of her injections, she got sick. She was devastated. They wanted her at the clinic for monitoring even though she was sick. The follicles they had seen just threes days ago, had stop growing completely. Third cycle was cancelled. She wanted to wait a few more months to begin her fourth egg retrieval, but she had gone through all four vials of sperm. The donor was no longer available.
She said this time choosing a donor was easier. It didn’t take too much looking when she said “this one will do.” She didn’t look too far beyond the height and the genetic history. Those few months before the retrieval, she took a few more supplements. She changed her prenatal vitamin, ate healthier and cut out dairy from her diet. She’s not confident doing those things would make a difference, though. One other thing she did was live her life. She didn’t want IVF to run her life. She enjoyed a music festival right before the retrieval. She hates to admit it, but she relaxed a little bit and just chilled. It was now March 2022 when she had her fourth egg retrieval. This time they retrieved 12 eggs, 12 were mature, and 10 fertilized, and 5 embryos. She was already feeling good about this one when she got five embryos. She got the call two weeks later that she had one normal embryo, two mosaics, 1 abnormal, and one that couldn’t be tested. She was outside of her dentist when she got the news and burst into tears. She was ecstatic. She could be pregnant in the next few months, so we went to a music festival and vacation. She was ready for the transfer that July. She was exercising everyday. She wanted to be free of the all of the injections and be in a really good mindset. She kept that up until the day of the transfer. It was a bit more to it than the IUI. She was so worried the embryo might not survive the thaw. The transfer she describes as quick and easy. She went home and watched some really funny movies and comedy showing because she was told laughter is the best medicine post transfer. Cooked up some bone broth and soups. She exercised after the first 48 hours of the transfer. Then everyday after that she went on a 3K-5K walk or rode on her stationary bike at home. She believes it contributed to her success because the blood flow is really important. She did not eat fries as the superstition goes. She couldn’t wait any longer than 6 days after the transfer to take a pregnancy test. It was 5:30 am when she couldn’t take it anymore. She set the test down and came back 5 minutes later to think there wasn’t a chance. She filmed herself walking into the bathroom to get her reaction either way. It had the faintest positive line. She cursed at the sight of the test and felt terrified. She had her first beta on day 10. She tested everyday after that. Her first HGC came back only 104 which is low compared to other women have experienced, but the line got darker as she tested until day 16. It was mind-blowing that it actually happened, and she couldn’t believe it. The next few weeks were sheer terror, she wanted to keep the baby in her. Every little thing she worried might hurt the baby. It wasn’t a joyful experience for her.
40 week is the giant two-week wait.
At 5 weeks she had to know the gender. The sex is known with the PGT testing. She chose not to find out the genders of the embryos because she didn’t want to get connected just in case it failed. Her dream was to have a little girl but she would take any healthy baby. The doctor told her she had good news for her. From that day, it was happening and she mentally started to prepare she was really having a baby, a baby girl. She saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks. Hearing the heartbeat gave her a sense of relief. Sam was constantly worried something was going to happen throughout the pregnancy. She describes the 40 weeks is a giant two-week wait. She says her support system was herself. She is fiercely independent. Her best friend was in LA, so she was her online and phone support, and her parents were in back in Australia. She really didn’t tell anyone else what she was doing. She had one friend in New York that knew because she needed someone to drive her to her egg retrieval and home again. She said once she felt the first kick, there’s nothing like it. At 20 weeks, she had to get an MRI because there was lack of development in the baby’s brain, and that’s when she felt her first kick. Her baby didn’t like the noise at all. It was another three weeks after that until she really felt the kicking. That’s when she felt a sigh of relief.
Pregnancy was good for the most part. Sam absolutely loved being pregnant. She had a few hiccups along the way. She was diagnosed with pregnancy induced asthma, she had severe reflux. She finally had to get medication. She was also diagnosed with a 2-vessel cord and marginal cord insertion.
She didn’t do a lot to prepare for birth. Sam packed up her life when she was 28 weeks pregnant. Went to LA for a week before she endured the 26 hours trip back home. She was enjoying the pregnancy and at 30 weeks she was moving back to Australia from New York. Her family was there and she wanted their support close by. Her father is not able to fly, and she wanted to give him a grandchild close by. She says it takes a village to raise a child and now that she has one, she can absolutely attest to it. At the time, she had big projects going on at work, so she didn’t think too much about the move. She didn’t have much to time to think other than plan for the move. It then took a few more weeks to set up her new life. She didn’t have time to think about birth. When she got to be 34/35 weeks, she thought it was time to think about a birth plan. She got registered at the hospital. She kind of made a loose birth plan. She wanted to have a vaginal birth and try without pain medication at the hospital. Her dream birth was a water birth. From 28 weeks to three days before her scan at 34 week, the baby was breech. It was the first time her baby had been head down, so she was delighted. She was ready to be a birth warrior. A week later her baby turned again. Sam did head stands, swimming in pools, and spinning babies to get her to turn back. At 36 weeks, she was still breech. The doctor wanted to schedule a c-section. Sam was already grieving for the vaginal birth she wanted. She was so sure the baby was going to turn. There was no dates available at the hospital because they were so busy. It was finally scheduled in three days when she would be one day before 39 weeks, but they couldn’t give her a time. By the time the c-section day came, she had time to process it and it was going to be just as beautiful. She had cried everyday about it. She arrived for her c-section at 6 am like she was told. They did a scan before and the baby was still breech, but everything looked good to proceed with the c-section. She waited and waited for her doctor to come and say they were ready to start. While she was waiting she felt this huge movement her belly. It was a strange feeling and her belly became lose like she was able to giggle it. She hadn’t be able to do that before. 30 minutes later the doctor came in to tell her she was ready. Sam was ready too. The doctor wanted to do one more final scan to check the position of the baby. The baby was head down. She wasn’t sure how to process it. The plan quickly changed to being induced instead. She didn’t think twice about it. She was there and might as well do it. It was against what she wanted, though. She never wanted to be induced. She wanted to let her body do what it was supposed to do. She wasn’t given the option to go home. The catheter was put in at 3:30 pm which is the balloon to soften the cervix. It was a rough night because of the pain it caused. She couldn’t sleep that night because of the pain. The next morning they came in her room at 6 am, but they couldn’t take her. The birthing suites were full. A couple hours of wait time turned into 9 hours before there would be a room available. The catheter was taken out at 10am that morning. She said it took a toll on her emotions even thought she was in a pretty good mood. She had no fear of labor what so ever. They broke her water at 3pm and started her on the drip. The first 2-3 hours were fine while she was having about 4 contractions an hour. At 7pm the contractions started to pick and she used the breathing techniques. She handled the labor like a boss because she was excited for it. After 13 hours on the highest drip possible, she was only 3 cm dilated. The baby’s heartrate started to get high and that’s when the doctor wanted to take the baby out right away. This was almost exactly 48 hours after she had come to the hospital. At 5:26 am on March 30, her daughter was born via c-section with the support of her parents beside her.
As soon as her baby’s head was out, she dropped the sheet. She was able to watch her baby be lifted all the way out. Her baby was screaming too which immediately calmed her. Sam was able to have a delayed cord clamping. They took her away for about 30 seconds to get her measurements. They brough her baby so she could do skin-skin right away. The baby didn’t leave her side for about 4 hours after that. She latched on within minutes, too. Even wheeling up to the maternity ward, they stayed together. She says it was a beautiful experience to be able to watch her daughter come out of her. Sam had two names picked out at the time of her delivery but she hadn’t decided. The second she saw her baby’s face, she knew she was a Stevie.
Sam says she’s had the easiest recovery. She was begging for a shower after her 8 hours after surgery were up. She was able to shower, walk around the room and get up and nurse in the chair. Even after 24 hours she was able to walk around just fine. She wasn’t pain free, though. She never recommends skipping a dose of the pain meds. It’s possible she did too much. She was walking around the neighborhood within a week. Having her mom there to help her was essential. She doesn’t think she could do it without her mom.
Breastfeeding is something no one prepares you for. Sam thinks you need a degree to breastfeed. It is the most challenging, painful, tiring, exhausting, and beautiful thing all at the same time. It’s getting the baby to latch properly, but you’d think their instincts would kick in. She had to teach her and they had to learn together. The first few days in the hospital were relatively easy. Her milk didn’t come in properly until day 8 or 9. Her baby was put on formula for the first few days, but she hasn’t had formula since then. She has a recessed chin that prevents her from opening her mouth properly.
Mentally, she’s ok now. She will admit the baby blues hit her very very hard. For the first 8-9 days she cried almost the whole day. She describes herself as an emotional wreck. It was hard. She couldn’t speak to someone without crying. Not being able to breastfeed properly made her feel like she was failing as a mother. She has scheduled an appointment with a therapist not only for the baby blues, but the grief of her birth story. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. She hasn’t seen a therapist before, but she’s going to do it for the sake of herself and her daughter.
Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram
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