On episode 25, we have Sharon from New York who is a massage therapist, a student of nutrition and a personal trainer. She was 50 during her pregnancy. She has a 12 year old son while her partner is 61 who has a forty-year-old daughter and three teenage grand kids. Together, they have their 16-month-old daughter.
He didn’t look at my family history, physical condition, pregnancy history or menstrual history. He said, “46, no.”
Sharon always wanted a family, but she didn’t want one until she was ready to support everyone. She worked her way up through the corporate ladder and became a financial adviser for about twenty years. During those years she got burned out, became a massage therapist and became a student of nutrition and personal training. When she was 37, she was at a gynecologist appointment when her doctor asked her what she was going to do about her fertility. Sharon was confused because she was just going to have kids when she was ready. She was single but consulted a fertility specialist about freezing eggs. This was about 15 years ago, and they told her embryos defrost better than eggs. She didn’t have the other half to make an embryo. She didn’t think she was out of time, so she didn’t want to address it then. Just a few months later, she met her son’s father and she was pregnant about a year later at 39. She was shocked and thrilled. Her parents and the son’s father were less than thrilled about the pregnancy. She was a single mom with her son from day one. She said it was great, but when her son was about 15 months old, she had the desire for another. She was still single but wasn’t sure what she should do. At 45, she was getting impatient, again. At 46, she decided it was time to seek fertility treatment to have her second child. The doctor took one look at her age and told her, “NO, it’s not going to happen. You’re too old.” The doctor didn’t look at her family history, physical condition, or menstrual history. He simply said “NO” based on her age alone. She confided in a close friend that is now her partner.
I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.
Her friends and family told her she should be happy with the son she had, but she felt like there’s more. When her son was two years old, he would push his belly way out, and say “Momma, rub the babies in my belly.” Then when he was three, he told her about his memories of being in heaven with God. He describes being in Heaven and holding God’s hand and walking along looking at the different choices of Moms. Together they chose Sharon to be his mom. He said when he was about to be born, there were to other babies that wanted to go. He told them he was going to go first, and he was going to be their big brother. There were always two babies in his story. When he finally got to hold his sister for the first time, years later, he looked down at her with tears in his eyes and said, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.” He wanted to be in the delivery room with his mom because he said he’s been the one who has waited the longest for her, including her dad. If anyone is determined there is another baby coming, it’s her son. She feels like this is coming from something greater than them.
They’re baby orphan seeds. All they need is a little bit of love and warmth. They are the next generation.
They had been trying to get pregnant for two and half years on their own. She didn’t think it was going to happen and wanted help. She wanted to explore donor eggs, but her partner said absolutely not. Her partner wanted it to be both of their genetics or none of their genetics. She felt called to adopt embryos after a lot of research which is called snowflake adoption. When she told her fertility doctor about her desire, they had a policy that the embryos would be matched with similar families. This meant they couldn’t go to any family over the age of 45. She went so far as to request the board review this and asked for a waiver. The board decided unanimously to not overturn this decision. This option was out for them, so now they needed to decide on fresh eggs or frozen eggs. Sharon looked at her research for answers and wanted to use fresh eggs. She called her fertility coordinator, and she told her the perfect donor just walked in that day: strawberry blonde, fair skinned, freckles, and athletic. She said they could be related. When she got the donor’s profile to review she found even more similar qualities. It was a perfect match except for the one thing: Sharon is 5’4” and the donor is 5’8”. She didn’t think being tall was a bad thing. Her son was 10 years old at this point and very involved in the process. He was with her reading the profile while she waited for her partner to come home from work. Her son read the profile and told her she was the one!
They had the eggs but things didn’t progress until a year after that because things were still shut down. But when they opened, at 49, she was the first one to start testing. She was tested every which way. She had to have a mammogram, a pap smear, stress test, and had so many vials of blood taken. She got the clean bill of health to move forward. She said it felt good to know she was in just as good of shape at 49 has she was at 30. The testing was standard procedure, but it also gave her peace of mind that her body was ready for pregnancy.
Am I really going to jab this drinking straw into me?
She was given a schedule with her and her donor’s injection calendar. She describes the process as a surreal experience. She was determined it was going to happen, but also asked herself if it was really going to happen. She said it started to feel real when they checked the lining of her uterus. She ordered the medication that included oral pills, small syringes and the big ones that were injected into her butt. She said it all went fast after that because she had to stick to a really strict schedule that was coordinated with the donor. She said that’s when it got REALLY real. The little needles that go in your belly, you can barely see those. Then later, she saw the needles for the progesterone which she describes as a drinking straw. She says the anticipation is so much worse than the actual injection. She said it wasn’t bad at all and she did 90% of them herself. Her partner was at work, but of course her son was involved in this too. She let her 10 year old son do a few injections for her and she said he did a great job. She was nervous but her son remained calm through it all. She wishes she got pictures of it. The shots made knots in the muscle that she describes as a shelf along the backside of the hip. They tried to wean her off of progesterone at 10 weeks but she started bleeding. She had to take progesterone suppository up until 12 weeks, so she knew continuing the injections was right for her body and the baby.
For the egg retrieval of the donor, they retrieved 18 eggs, 13 eggs were mature, 10 eggs were fertilized. Her transfer was scheduled on day 5. On day 5, there was only one embryo that was ready. Her clinic likes to freeze them on day 5, but they decided to give them an extra day, maybe two. With the extra days, they had five embryos total. She describes the transfer as anticlimactic. After she changed into her gown, they did a sonogram of her uterus to see exactly where it needed to go. They inserted the tube and placed it where they wanted it. She said they pressed the button and watched the embryo come out on the screen and then it disappeared. Her friend said she watched it float around like a pinball game. Afterwards, they wheeled her to the waiting area, they set a timer for 10 minutes and told her she was free to go after that. She was so worried it would fall out, she stayed there for 40 minutes! Then she walked out like she was trying not to pee herself she said. She had to keep her legs together! When she got home, she laid down with a pillow under hips. This was not the recommendation. They told her to go about your day, don’t go running and don’t jump on a trampoline. She said she was terrified it wasn’t going to work, so she didn’t leave the sofa for the rest of the day. And then there’s the two-week wait. She was afraid to do to a home test, so she waited for the clinic to give her the news. She tried not to think about it. Two weeks later, she was at the gas station getting gas before she picked up her son from school. She recognized the number when her phone rang. She was surprised to hear the doctor when she answered. She asked him if it worked. He replied, “Let’s just say we’re off to a good start.” She was shocked to know she was already four weeks along when her transfer was only two weeks ago. Her numbers were high, too. She thought they might be high enough for twins which she wanted, but it wasn’t. She had one last appointment with her fertility clinic and then she was released to her OB.
She thought she could relax when she found out she was pregnant. Then she thought she couldn’t relax until she was 12 weeks. At her 12 week appointment, they told her the blood draw at her 10 week appointment tested for the gender of the baby and ask her if she wanted to know. Her son was with her and immediately said YES. It was a girl. Her son was disappointed, but he got over that quickly. He was with her at almost every appointment and almost everyone was a sonogram. Nope, it still wasn’t time to relax yet. She had her anatomy scan at 20 weeks because she didn’t have the PGTA testing done on the embryos. Her partner and the donor were tested for over 250 different diseases and conditions, and neither one of them were a carrier for the same thing. Sharon was still holding her breath for the anatomy scan, but that went fine too. During the sonograms, the measurements were showing she was having a baby that weighed over ten pounds.
The pregnancy was good.
Sharon describes her pregnancy at 50 as good but she carried small. The doctor looked at the measurements from the sonogram, looked at her and found it hard to believe she was carrying a big baby. She felt like she was going to split open right below her belly button because of the pressure there. She was fanatical about not getting mosquito bites or visiting a tropical location because she had read what can happen if you get the zika virus during pregnancy. She normally has a sweet tooth, but during pregnancy she had cravings for fresh fruit and vegetables, so nothing fun she said through a laugh.
At 7 months, she thought she was having Braxton Hicks like she did with her son. She said her belly would get hard and pull in. She found out later it was prodromal labor which are contractions that don’t change the cervix. She says Braxton Hicks are just under the belly. She says she had a lot of swelling with this pregnancy. One time she was squatting with one leg out and the other under her and when she got up she felt her right leg get really tight and swelled up immediately. She said it looked like she had on two different legs because they were such different sizes. It took only about a week before her other leg and hips were just as swollen. She is normally a 6.5 shoe size. She bought comfortable new shoes in a size 9 to accommodate the swelling. A week later, she couldn’t get the size 9 shoes on her feet. The swelling would come and go but putting her feet up didn’t help. Drinking water didn’t help. She admits she didn’t try compression socks because it was summer.
At 32 weeks, they told her to go to the hospital. A nurse had put her hand on Sharon’s ankle, and it left an imprint like it was playdoh. They worried it could be preeclampsia or something might be wrong with her heart or lungs. The doctor met her at the hospital. Over the course of 12-14 hours, she went through all of the testing. She didn’t get any fluids while she was there which caused her to start contractions she said. Her mucus plug came out and the contractions became stronger. She was going into early labor while they were trying to figure out what is wrong. The test results came in and everything was clear, but she was also three centimeters dilated at that point. They wanted her to start steroid injections to help develop the baby’s lungs if they couldn’t stop labor. The nurse told her there was a study that showed children that received the steroid injections in utero, had a greater chance of developing Autism and/or ADHD. She was terrified, so she declined. They insisted again she take the injections. She consulted two labor and delivery nurses that are close to her. They told her they’ve never heard of that study and urged her to take the injections for the safety of her baby, so she got the steroid injections. She said it was much worse than the progesterone shot. Once she became hydrated, the contractions stopped. And one morning all the swelling was gone. Then two weeks later, the swelling was back. She did worry during her pregnancy if her baby was going to feel like hers at birth because they used donor eggs.
One thing that was unique with this pregnancy is that she said she peed herself every single day. She was so embarrassed when she couldn’t make it the 15 feet to the bathroom from the bed the first time. Then she learned to put a fresh pair of clothes in the bathroom. Then she put the clothes hamper in the bathroom. Then she started wearing the big maxi pads. Towards the end of her pregnancy, when her bladder was really full, contractions would start because it pushed on the uterus. After she used the bathroom, she would sit on the bed waiting for the contractions to stop. She always wondered if it was real labor, but they would eventually stop.
She was due October 14th and her c-section was scheduled October 4th. She liked the sound of 10-1-21 better, but the hospital was booked. Three weeks before her scheduled c-sections, she got up at 5 am to go to the bathroom as usual. Then she peed herself… as usual. Then she sat back on the bed to wait for the contractions to stop, as usual. They didn’t stop this time and she knew it was time. She felt a pop and a gush when she went to swing her leg over to lay back down. What came out was a khaki greenish tan color which she knew to be meconium which is not good for the baby. She woke up her son to let him know the baby was coming and to get ready to go to the hospital.
I was geriatric pregnancy the first time, what does that make me at 50? Super geriatric?
She got to the hospital at 6 am. They told her she had a geriatric pregnancy the first time, but she asked what does that make me now 10 years later. She told them about the meconium, but they didn’t want to do anything before she was tested for COVID. They also didn’t think her water broke and assumed she peed herself. Sharon insisted she knew what happened, but they doubted her and put her on monitors. Two hours later there was still no results from the COVID test, and she was in full active labor begging for pain relief. They refused to treat her with anything until the results came back. She didn’t understand because the home tests she’s previously used took no more than fifteen minutes. It was after 8 am when the negative test came back, and they confirmed her water broke with meconium in it. She was dilated to 5 cm and was starting to panic with how much time had passed since her water broke.
They gave her the option of a vaginal birth or a c-section. She wanted to know the chance of the baby getting stuck because of how big they thought the baby was. They still gave her the option and said her doctors would advise a c-section. She was in so much pain, she agreed. She described it as a comedy show. While she was being wheeled to labor and delivery, there was a gush of fluid on the floor behind her after ever contraction. She said there was a river behind her. The room still had to be prepped, so it was another 45 minutes until it was ready. She had a spinal tap put in for the c-section. She wanted to be the one to hold her first because of everything she was put through, and there she was all strapped down to the bed. The doctor made an incision 20 cm wide instead of the standard 10 cm because they thought the baby was going to weigh over ten pounds. The first thing they said when they pulled her out was, “We got a redhead.” Tears started running down her face. She was terrified when she was pregnant, she wasn’t going to bond with her daughter, and now she was crying tears of happiness because her daughter was here. She was born weighting only 7 lb. 13 oz and not the ten pounds they anticipated. She said it was an amazing experience, though.
Sharon’s body temperature went so low after she was back in her room. She couldn’t hold her baby for three hours because they were worried it would affect the baby’s temperature also. Sharon says her recovery was rough. She didn’t want to take pain medication because she thought it would be bad for the baby. She just wanted to take ibuprofen. They told her to walk. She says after taking the big loop on the floor, she was getting zingers at her incision and in her legs. She describes the zingers like the same feeling when you get your teeth whitened, like little electric zaps. The pain was so bad, she felt nausea and she couldn’t eat. She couldn’t get a handle on it. They told her on day 2 she was going to go home the next day. The next day the new nurse told her she had to take the pain medication because her body wasn’t able to heal since it was experiencing so much pain. Even though she didn’t have a vaginal birth, she was still experiencing swelling in the girl bits, as she called them. They gave her a blood pressure pill to help with the swelling, a gas pill, an acid reducer like tums, a muscle relaxer, a lidocaine patch right above the incision that made all the pain vanish. She still left the hospital with only socks on because her shoes still wouldn’t fit. They had a car seat, but it wasn’t adjusted to a newborn size, so that took time and felt like a failure to her.
For the first two weeks she either stayed in bed or on the sofa to help her body heal. She says she’s not one of those women up and bouncing around with her incision still butterflied shut. She set herself up with a caddy full of diapers, wipes, extra clothes for the baby, and necessary baby things. It moved around the house wherever she went. She was determined to breastfeed and have an easier time than she did with her son. She had no desire to pump. She thought her vaginal delivery was hard the first time at 39. She didn’t know how good she had it.
Mentally, she said she was fine. Others worried that she would get postpartum depression and urged her to get out of the house. With her son and her daughter, she said she’s waited so long for them, why would she want to leave them. She likes traveling and being out of the house, but she equally likes being home. She has everything she needs at home. She’ll get to the going-out part later. She said, with more pregnancies, you’re more likely to have postpartum depression.
Sharon is 51 now, her daughter is 16 months, and she’s getting ready to transfer another embryo. She consulted a midwife if she should have a vaginal birth after a c-section (VBAC) with her next one. The midwife said she’s all for them, but she suggested she relax, get a c-section, have her baby, and be done with it. She went on to suggest if you really want a vaginal birth after a c-section (VBAC), don’t lead with your age and just say you want it. The biggest challenge is having the vaginal birth so close to the c-section. They should be at least 18 months apart she said.
Here are the topics we discuss in this episode:
- Selecting an egg donor
- Embryo adoption (snowflake)
- IVF process
- Transfer process
- geriatric pregnancy
- Pelvic Floor Health
- Braxton hicks
- Prodromal labor
- Meconium
- C-section
- Medicated Labor
- Breastfeeding
- Postpartum
- Swelling
- Vaginal birth after a c-section (VBAC)
Resources:
Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant on Instagram
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