What does it take to keep going after a decade of heartbreak and failed treatments? Sonia joins us to share her incredible 10-year journey through surgeries and loss to finally holding her daughter at 44.
On episode 50, Sonia’s path to motherhood was anything but linear. Her journey began at 37 on a first date where she laid her cards on the table, and it didn’t end until nearly a decade later. In this episode, Sonia opens up about the grueling ten-year marathon that included a major cycling crash, multiple surgeries, and the heartbreak of four failed IUIs and an egg retrieval. She shares the raw reality of being “committed to the process” even when the path seemed to lead only to more obstacles, and how she eventually found her way to the decision that changed everything: donor eggs.
This conversation goes beyond the clinical details to explore the deep emotional transformation Sonia underwent. She discusses the anxiety of a high-risk pregnancy and the fears that haunted her birth experience, culminating in the powerful moment she finally held her daughter. Sonia’s story is a profound reminder that the “meant to be” moment doesn’t always arrive when or how we expect it—but when it does, it makes every year of the struggle worth it.
About the Guest
Sonia is a Professor of Political Science originally from Canada who moved to Texas for grad school and stayed to build her career and family. Her path to motherhood began with radical honesty: on her very first date with her now-husband in 2015, she made it clear that having a baby was a non-negotiable priority. Despite her husband having had a vasectomy and Sonia being 37 at the time, the couple embarked on a dedicated, decade-long mission to expand their family. Now a mother to her daughter and a proud stepmother to Diego and Delilah, Sonia shares her powerful story of navigating the complexities of a 10-year fertility journey with humor, academic precision, and heart.
Connect with Sonia:
Instagram: @donor.egg.mama.cheetah
Key Topics
- The First Date Ultimatum: Why Sonia was upfront about her desire for a baby from day one of her relationship.
- The 10-Year Marathon: Navigating a decade of “trying,” including the physical toll of a cycling crash and subsequent surgeries.
- The Turning Point: Moving through four failed IUIs and the decision-making process behind choosing donor eggs.
- Fearful Birth to Found Peace: Processing the anxiety of a late-40s pregnancy and the instant connection Sonia felt when she finally met her daughter.
Resources & Links:
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
Instagram: Follow Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant
YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Recommended Products: Knix underwear – Perfect during pregnancy when there is pressure on the bladder from baby!
Shop More: See ALL products recommended by our guests!
Support the Podcast: Donate to the Podcast
Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
Transcript
Jamie: Hi Sonya. Thank you so much for coming on. Welcome to the show.
Sonia: Hi, Jamie. Thank you.
Jamie: And before we get started, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Sonia: Okay. So I am currently 45 years old, which I still cannot believe that. I’m originally from Canada. I moved to the to the us actually to Texas for grad school. And then I got my job as a professor of political science pretty much right outta grad school. And so I didn’t ever leave, met my husband, my now husband.
Jamie: Nice.
Sonia: In 2015 and he came with two small children at the time Diego and Delilah. And as soon as I met him, I was very clear I wanna have a baby. That was like date number one conversation amongst other things. I wasn’t messing around, but I just turned 37. So I was like you’re either gonna be in this to do this or you’re not, and that’s okay. Then I’ll just move on and find somebody else.
Jamie: And he was okay with that?
Sonia: Yes. But then he tells me, then he is I did have a vasectomy. And I went, okay. Are you open to getting, trying to get it reversed? I know, I wasn’t messing around. And he was, and he did, which was amazing. I think that was like about a year after we started dating. We just went ahead and jumped right into to trying to have a baby. Like right away.
Unfortunately everything had to stop for us. I had sponsorship for as a triathlete. I’m not like a phenomenal athlete, but I was, I’m pretty good. I was, right now everything is still healing. But I had a cycling crash and it set off a chain of all kinds of complications for me.
In 2018, I had to have reconstructive jaw surgery done.
Jamie: Whoa.
Sonia: Yeah. I had all my teeth extracted on my right side. I’ve had most of my teeth extract on my left side. Then implants, I had to have two sinus lists because of my sinuses dropped so low because I had no teeth. It was a it’s a whole, that’s a whole other story.
Jamie: Whoa.
Sonia: And I, yeah, but here’s the thing. We were told a year. A year we’ll have all the surgeries done and you guys can pick back up and have a baby. And they did my a MH and I’ll be honest, I don’t remember what that number was now, but everything was good.
And in hindsight, I regret not I have to be careful because obviously I have a daughter now, so I don’t regret her. But I wish I would’ve at least frozen my eggs or we would’ve done, made embryos or something. But I just trusted that my body was gonna be fine, like the pregnancy was gonna be the easy part.
Jamie: Me too. I totally wish that I had thought about freezing eggs way back when.
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah. And it’s a complicated place for me now because I have Taya which I’ll talk about later. But, I struggled with that for a while. Like that. Why didn’t I think about that? And then it’s hindsight, everything is 2020.
And why would I think anything was wrong reproductively if there were no known issues.
And with women, unfortunately, there’s a lot of stuff we don’t know about our reproductive health. It’s not even about lack of education, it’s until we start trying to have a baby.
Jamie: Yep.
Sonia: ‘Cause it’s not like a semen analysis where, like there isn’t this one test necessarily that you can do that’ll then say, yep, you’re all good. It’s all these different moving parts.
Jamie: Definitely.
Sonia: So we couldn’t start technically trying and then because of the surgeries, I had complications, I was on heavy pain medications. We couldn’t start trying until the end of 2019. And even then it was, I was pushing it, because I still pro, I still wasn’t healed enough, but I was like, I don’t care. We’re gonna, we’re gonna do this. We’re gonna try and have a baby. And that’s what took me on this crazy journey of infertility and pregnancy.
Jamie: Take us through.
Sonia: Initially, so we, I know couples are told, wait six months, if it doesn’t, if nothing’s happening, then go to an re I’ve a really, or had a really good OB in Texas, and she was like, yeah, but you’re older. So if in three months nothing happens, let’s just get you into an re.
And I was convinced that it was my husband’s sperm, like that the reversal didn’t actually work. And that’s what I assumed when we went in and I did the whole, like the HSG, right? The hysteroscopy, like everything. Blood work, he just had to get a semen analysis. Which, is that’s the easy part. I feel like we have to do a whole lot more.
But when we then went in to meet with the re I don’t know. Like I said, I thought it was him until we sat down. And then I just had this like feeling and he was like, he’s so nerdy. I have Dr. Coo he’s Dr. Knocked up on Instagram. He’s so nerdy. I love him. He was like, he is like Derek. My husband’s in the military, he’s in the Air force and he is got you got some super soldier sperm.
And I was laughing. My husband was really awkward, but then he was like, now Sonya. And I was like, oh my God. And it was just like the tears, I wasn’t crying like in terms of sound, but the tears were just. Coming down. And I’ll be honest, that first meeting, I don’t remember a whole lot because I was just in this, oh my God, it’s me.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Again, like we just went through all these surgeries that my husband was my caretaker for. We just spent all this money on my surgeries and now there’s something else. I just was like, why, how? And that was, yeah, that was really hard. We did start with I UIs and I think, again, in hindsight, probably we should have moved to IVF sooner, but I had this surely this has to work.
And it wasn’t naive to think it would because there wasn’t this 0% chance. But I also was really nervous about spending all this money on IVF. So the first IUI we did that didn’t take, but it was actually pretty hopeful. Everybody was like, okay, like we had some good big follicles, this just the timing didn’t work, but, they felt, were like, let’s do this again.
And I’m like, alright, let’s go ahead and do this again. So that first one that failed, I was disappointed, but I wasn’t devastated.
Jamie: Yeah. And how old were you?
Sonia: So I had just turned 40.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: Yeah, I had just turned 40. And then everybody’s telling me, honestly there were so many women like in my circle that had lots of pregnancies and they were just like, just relax, go to Vegas, all that stuff. And this is before I knew enough about what it was that I was facing and just how I understand, they’re well intentioned. And if you’re fertile and you have no issues, issues the wrong word, but yeah. If you have no challenge with getting pregnant, like then yes, stress can play a factor, right? Like all those things can have a role in it. But if you are dealing with diagnoses that have to be treated with science intervention no amount of relaxing is going to change anything.
So I have and I forget what the medical term is, but my uterus is tipped. Interesting now that after I’ve had my daughter, it’s almost gone back fully straight. I don’t know, again, I don’t know the medical terminology. But what was explaining to me, or the way it was explained is that because of how tipped it was a sperm actually cannot meet the egg.
Like it’ll get lost because it, the direction it goes and the direction that my uterus is in, it makes it harder for the two to meet uhhuh. Interesting. And so that conception would be really challenging, and in my head, I’m going all those years on birth control.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: For nothing.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: The second IUI technically worked because it, because I did get pregnant, but I miscarried right away and I actually didn’t even realize that I was miscarrying.
Because I don’t know why, I think it was just shock because I hadn’t bled that much ever. And we ended up going to the ER because it was like, 20 minutes, I’m like, filling a pad.
Jamie: Whoa.
Sonia: Yeah. It was a lot of blood. Like I was, gray. I lost a lot of blood. And then when they ran the blood work, then that’s when the, HCG levels came back and it was low. I was like five or four or something. It was like but it was I did have a pregnancy, so I was really upset, but at the same time in my head I’m going, okay, this worked then. Just gotta we just gotta try it again.
And so we did. And and that one that one did not work at all. And I think that was the space where, I’m trying to remember now. That was where we were just, this was just before we knew that COVID was about to happen.
And so we were like, okay, let’s maybe start thinking about IBF. And when we started all of the treatment stuff and the cycle, so bought the meds, started taking all the meds, and then the whole world shut down. And it was this really complicated space for me because, with my husband and being in the military and I had a lot of friends in the medical field, like I’m seeing all this stuff and I’m going, I’m so sad that my baby journey is stopping, but I feel so selfish because people are dying.
Like it was I was definitely upset about all the money. The meds, it was like we just wasted thousands of dollars on meds.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And okay, we tried at home and when people were going, oh, all these COVID babies. In my head I’m going, maybe that’ll be us. Maybe that’ll be us.
It wasn’t So
Jamie: sorry. Did you cancel an egg retrieval because of all this? Because of COVID?
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: Yeah. Like we, we just couldn’t, ’cause it wasn’t deemed necessary. Uhhuh? After the clinic started opening back up, this would’ve been the, like in September of 2020. My body was not responding well to meds.
I don’t know what made me do this, but I was like, let’s just try one more iUI. I’ll explain the IVF thing in a second. ’cause it happened again. So we did one more iUI and that one also worked. Worked. And then I also miscarried. And that one was devastating. That one was absolutely, that one broke me.
That one broke me because that one I was like, okay, this is not a fluke. Any, yeah. This is there’s something going on. Yeah. And it’s me and I don’t know, is it my eggs? Is it my uterus? Is it like what is it?
So we did go ahead and decide, let’s go jump, I’ll do all the things and let’s like dive 110% into IVF and the first time we started the meds, it said I wasn’t responding, but I also wasn’t monitored enough because COVID hit. So I felt maybe it was because of timing, COVID, we don’t know. But I should say my follicles were not responding. Oh gosh. Like they weren’t even growing. So I had 12 follicles and was pumping my body with all this meds and not a single one was growing. No, that’s a lie. One was growing. And, but you’re sitting there going, wait a second, I’m putting thousands of dollars of meds into my body. I’m not getting anything. I’m not getting anything.
And we pushed it out. And I remember my re calling me like the night before, deciding whether or not we’re gonna push through with a retrieval. And he’s just Sonia, my heart wants this for you so badly. But my head is like, this just doesn’t make any sense for us to go in and retrieve potentially one follicle that is not, may not result in anything and it’s based on your age. But we also, and then he even said he is there are clinics that will do a retrieval for one follicle.
Jamie: That was me. I got one.
Sonia: Yeah. And I said, and he goes, we don’t, but I can help you find one that does. And I was like, I don’t know. I just was like, I can’t do that. Yeah. I can’t go in. And again, that’s, I tell women all the time. That is such a personal choice. You have to decide what can you do and what can you keep doing.
The meds, while my follicles weren’t responding to the meds, I was, the meds were like, they were horrific on me. Like
Jamie: it happened.
Sonia: I felt all the side effects that they tell you that you, that’s possible. I feel like I got all of them. And like the headaches, I was like on the Lupron, microdose, microdose, Lupron. I was laid out. Like I was a zombie. I was on the couch, I was in pain, I was bloated. I was like, just everything. It was awful. Yeah. I felt like I was so sick and nobody knew what was wrong, except I knew I wasn’t really, like it was that, it was awful. It was absolutely awful.
And I just could not do that to myself again. Like emotionally, I just went, I think we need to consider another option. And my husband wasn’t there either. Like he was on orders and so it was like temporary duty orders. So he was gone for two weeks. But still dealing with this stuff. Yeah. It was, I was devastated and then I was just like, why isn’t this working for me?
Jamie: Yeah. You really question yourself in your body. Yeah. And you have this anger happening. Why is my body failing me?
Sonia: Yeah. And then the age on top of that. Yeah. I was like. Did I wait too long? Did I, was I naive to think about this? And then it’s then you read all these other women that are getting pregnant in their forties and then it’s like this space of yes, it’s possible. But no, it wasn’t possible for me in the way that I thought it would be.
And that was that was a hard thing to, to reconcile with not so much losing my genetics and choosing a donor egg path, but knowing that my body and wasn’t, was failing us again. Like that something else was gonna cost more money that I was gonna, put in another thing into our relationship.
Jamie: Yeah. So who came up with the idea of donor eggs?
Sonia: So it was already floated by our re and we talked about, do we wanna adopt? And my husband wasn’t open to that. Honestly it’s really admirable that he admitted that because adoption is, it is an, it’s an amazing choice for a lot of people, but you have to have the right sort of family unit for it. And with us already having, he has two kids. And so we were thinking about how do we bring in somebody else to integrate into our family.
We did not wanna do the donor embryo, and part of that was because we already spent the money on his vasectomy reversal and it worked. I gonna stupid his super sperm, so then it was donor ace and he really left that decision ultimately up to me.
Because he was okay with his two kids. Not that he didn’t want any with me, he did, but it, he really was like. This is gonna be like, this is your body, this is you giving up your part of your genetics. And so I was like, okay. But I will say though, before I even nicely discussed it with him I think I went to, I call it crazy town.
I don’t even like that word with women. But I was like, you don’t even wanna do donor eggs. And he was just like, whatcha talking about? We haven’t even discussed it like this. Yeah I went to the, you don’t wanna do this, but it was more like a, I’m so sorry, I’m so broken that we have to try something completely unconventional.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And that’s what I should have said. Yeah. But that’s not what came out.
Jamie: Yeah. I feel like I’ve been there also. And it comes out in the weirdest, angry, terrible ways sometimes.
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah. It was very emotional. But then at the same time, it was like this whole other unraveling to, to go through and to be like, okay, what does this journey look like?
And how is this gonna be now? It wasn’t so difficult for me. So prior to meeting my husband I actually predominantly dated women. And so even when I wanted to have children, like before I always thought a sperm donor would be in the mix. I never thought I would have to do an egg donor. So I already had done like a ton of research. This was like, years ago. On, like, why is it important to have, one in a same sex couple, you, your kids know that their donor conceived, there’s no hiding it whatsoever.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: But like the importance of trying to be able to find a donor that’s willing to be, to open communication and getting as much information as possible and what that does developmentally for the child to feel like their story matters.
And I didn’t realize that in the hetero community, that a lot of couples in the past never told their kids that they were donor conceive.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Which again, because in the gay community that’s a non option. So it just I genuinely was surprised on how many, and I realized there’s this mixture of, they were being advised by doctors at the time, thinking that this was gonna be the best force of decision.
Again, the stigma of let’s just not tell them and let’s pretend this isn’t true. And that is I, again, all the research has for decades said otherwise.
Jamie: Yeah, because you could even, your name is on the birth certificate. Yeah. So you could totally hide that if you wanted to.
Sonia: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But it was really important that, if I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this the right way. But I also wanna do this in a way to like lead by example as well, right? So I have to do some relearning, like all over again.
Now, I’m not going into it in a same sex relationship. We’re going into this in a hetero relationship and I have to figure out like, how is this, like how are we going to reconcile this, talk about this and then be really open with the kids about it too. So all of us, were part of choosing our donor, actually.
Jamie: Oh, fun. Tell us about that.
Sonia: We explained to the kids, right? Like, why we needed to, get, use somebody else’s eggs because mine just weren’t working. And and it was just so funny because Diego is going to kill me too. He was younger at the time, but I think at one point he thought my husband was gonna have to have sex with another woman.
Jamie: Oh no.
Sonia: Yeah. And so that was fun. And then when we were like no she’s going to donate her eggs and then the eggs are gonna be fertilized and then there’s gonna be the embryo. If it’s created, it’s gonna be put into my uterus. And then that’s when Diego’s so dad, how did it get your sperm out?
Did they like take a needle and take it up. Yeah, I know. And I hope he listens to this one day because I told him we would remember, and my husband’s shaking his head and he’s what are you talking about? How do you think sperm gets out? And then Diego thinks about it. He’s oh, you gotta beat it.
And then Delilah, she was like nine at the time, she’s you gotta beat it. And then she was like, what does that even mean? So anyway, so we explained it all like scientifically but it was very much like he was so uncomfortable. But the kids were like, dad, sperm is gonna go on a cup, and then that sperm is going to get taken out by this needle and it’s gonna be injected into the eggs in a Petri dish. Like we were very, and they were like, oh, okay. This is weird, but, okay. And so then when we were looking at the donors, Diego first starts going, she’s really hot. She’s not. And then I had to go, so this is like gonna be half the genetics of your brother or sister. He’s so I’m like basically thinking about it like it’s you. I’m like, yeah. He’s oh God. He’s okay, let’s scratch all that and let’s go back.
I also got upset. The donors my husband picked at first, I got really upset at actually, because I felt like she looked nothing like me. And not that I was trying to find an exact, replica. ’cause that’s also something that you reconcile with but these were like, like the furthest thing from. Even when I remotely even like similar traits and I got so upset. I was like, what are you doing? And then I just assumed, I don’t know, I assumed the worst.
It was like I was looking at their health, at their education, at their like, and it was just I was like, oh, I’m an asshole. I’m like, but I was jealous.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: I was jealous. I’m like, these are young women who are fertile.
Jamie: Uhhuh in their twenties
Sonia: and I am not. And yeah. So that was again, like that my age. Like I realized how much I had to reconcile, like with my age. Yeah. Because of social stigma, but I put on more of the stigma myself.
Like I just did. So that first donor that we picked, it was like a family affair. But unfortunately, that one resulted in zero embryos.
Jamie: Ugh. Gosh.
Sonia: And that was definitely devastating. That was like, I was so broken, uhhuh Yeah. And even my husband, like that day says, he’s I’m gonna say all the wrong things because I don’t know what to say right now because this doesn’t make any sense. And he’s sitting there going this is like young female. This was supposed to work and it didn’t.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And so it was like back to the drawing board, we had what’s called the Assured program, so we were guaranteed an embryo. And yeah. They advised us not to go with the same donor.
Jamie: Definitely.
Sonia: Which initially yeah, initially I assumed we would go with the same one. And I was so attached to keeping her because like we all picked her together.
But again, like I’m really glad that everybody was like, no, pick a different one, pick a different donor. But that one I picked all by myself because the kids weren’t with us again. My husband was on orders. And, I’m sending everybody pictures, but I had to pick her on my own. And it was empowering and terrifying all at the same time.
Jamie: I could see that.
Sonia: Like it was and my husband’s I’m gonna trust you whatever you, whoever you wanna pick. I’m like, it’s fine. But it was also, I think, just really hard. It’s what is, it’s really hard.
Jamie: Yeah. How did you pick her?
Sonia: The second one, I picked her based on three things. So one she wrote really honestly, is that she is a single parent. She’s like going back to school and, she wants to be able to provide for her son. And then when she posted pictures of her son in the profile to me, like they’re not required to post pictures of their kids if they have any.
And I just see that as a okay, like you’re showing photos of your kid, like you’re not just, I don’t know what these donors, their actual motivation is. We won’t ever know.
Jamie: Sure.
Sonia: But, the way I saw it when somebody posts pictures of their kids that’s like in this type of a forum, like I see that as really deeply personal and deeply I wanna show you a part of who I am. And then she had, some of the traits I was looking for, but I gave up a lot of the stuff like in terms of culturally, I I am like predominantly, like my family’s mostly from Poland. And so I was looking for somebody that was Eastern European and but I gave up all of that.
I was like, and it’s funny how that happens too, right?
Jamie: Yes.
Sonia: When you’re on the journey, right? You start with all of these. Must haves, but I do, I did have like still a set of things that I was, that was like a non-negotiable for me. Other stuff I was letting go as the time was going on.
Jamie: Yep. I did the same thing.
Sonia: Really?
Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. At first it was important to me to have blonde hair and blue eyes, just because both me and my husband are like that. Okay. And I actually got pregnant in the middle of picking an egg donor.
Sonia: Oh, did you?
Jamie: Yeah. And I was like, this is amazing. This is meant to be. And then I miscarried,
Sonia: oh, Jamie, I’m so sorry.
Jamie: Yeah. It was gonna be, the miracle. Yeah. And then that donor wasn’t available. And then the one that we found, I was like, she’s it. We don’t even need to look anymore. And she was nothing like, she didn’t even have blue eyes. She had light brown hair. I’m like, she’s it. We’re going with her. So it’s just like this moment where you’re like, I, who cares?
Who cares?
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah. I my husband is black, and there is yes, I still wanted to find somebody that looked like me, but at the same time, there’s still that knowledge of I don’t know our child, even if she was genetically mined, she could have dark hair. She could have light hair.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: My bonus daughter has got blonde hair like me. And my bonus son has got dark hair. It’s like my bonus daughter is blonde hair, blue eyes. Yeah. Wow. And everybody thinks she’s mine too, which is crazy. Oh, that’s neat. Also acts a lot like me, but I’ve been in her life since she was three and a half but yeah, so that’s and I think that’s like another layer of it too. But the, yeah, the donor does have blonde hair, she has blue eyes. I have green eyes. And I realize, finding green eyes is also not common.
And it’s okay, let that shit go. Yeah. That’s what is it that you’re looking for? What are the non-negotiables?
And but yeah, I just knew with her. I just knew, I just felt it.
Jamie: Yeah. So did you just get one cohort? Okay.
Sonia: So you got six eggs. And because we just wanted one, because we already have the two kids. We just wanted one. That was our goal right from the jump is just to have one child. And I was gonna do a five day fresh transfer, so I wasn’t gonna test the embryo or anything.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: And that was also a personal choice because everything else in me was fine, like normal. I hate using that word, but I have no other autoimmune, like there’s nothing else that was indicating why this wasn’t working. So that was where like just the egg quality and the eggs not part of me growing with the IV f treatment. And it could have been also because of my age, just who knows. Because we don’t actually know enough about egg quality stuff.
But I, yeah, I like went, you know what? I just so did a lot of surrendering and that was really hard because if you would’ve asked me that at the beginning of my journey, there’s no way I would’ve been like, absolutely, I’m gonna do all this surrendering. No. I was like, no, we are doing like all the things. We’re doing all the, but I guess, after almost six years of, doing some form of trying to conceive, like it was, it is taxing.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: It is taxing. Yeah. So we did and you don’t know when it’s a fresh transfer, you literally don’t know until the morning of whether if you’re gonna have a transfer or not.
And when we didn’t get a phone call, I was like, oh my, and that was two days after my 44th birthday. So June 12th, I turned 44 and June 14th we had a five day fresh embryo transfer.
Jamie: Oh, wow. How many embryos did you get?
Sonia: So there’s, we have one other embryo on the ice. Oh, wow. So there was, yeah, there, all six of them fertilized. Four of them were growing. But then the one day five was what we transferred. And then the other two stopped, like they arrested actually at, they were like arrested at day four, but they were still keeping an eye on them. And then one was a perfectly fine day six embryo that they froze.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: Yeah. And so I even all like the french fries and the acupuncture and all that. I gave up, I didn’t do any acupuncture. I took the prenatals and did all the things you’re not supposed to do. Because it was so much
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Like it is, it’s just and again, the women that do it, I’m like, if you can do it and it’s not driving you bad, shit crazy, then by all means I will support you a hundred percent. I just couldn’t do it. Yeah. I couldn’t keep doing all those appointments. I just couldn’t.
Jamie: Yeah. So it was a lot.
Sonia: Yeah. I did everything health-wise. Prenatals. I’m a healthy eater anyways, exercise, all that stuff. But I forgot the french fries because I just felt like it was just finally our moment and I didn’t know if it was gonna work or not. But it was like finally like I was pregnant with a, I assumed a healthy embryo.
And I was just like, and my bonus kids were there and they were helping me with my shots the whole time. Delilah learned and Diego, they both learned like how to load the PIO, where to inject it. Delilah did most of my shots and she was like 10 at the time.
Jamie: That’s awesome.
Sonia: Yeah, it was like, it was a whole family affair, Uhhuh.
And we even showed them like the, my husband was able to record the transfer and again, Diego’s I don’t wanna see that. And I was like, wait a second son, what do you think you’re actually gonna see? Yeah. Because he’s thinking my husband’s like down there recording and I’m like, no, he’s recording the ultrasound goofball. So
Jamie: he’s funny.
Sonia: But it’s like 12, 13. Sure. Sure. But yeah and we went away on a little family vacation. We went to Corpus Christi and Padre and took the kids. We were there for five days, six days, and it was a great distraction for me.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: But I just knew that it had worked, but I also was like, maybe it’s the meds. You know what I mean? It was like this like I knew I felt different. And I’d been on all these meds before, so I knew what that all felt like. But I was just like I really think it worked. Like I really think it worked. And by day six, I threw up and everybody’s there’s no way you can throw up that early.
There’s no way. I’m like, okay, maybe I, yeah, maybe I just got food poisoning at the restaurant we ate. That’s entirely possible. But it wasn’t, I was actually, yeah, I was actually pregnant.
Jamie: So did you take a home test or did you wait for the doctor?
Sonia: No, so I went back and forth on that one too.
And it was like, I tested on day eight because my beta was day nine. And and I wanted to test at home because I wanted to know two things and my crate like, are all these symptoms pregnancy? Or is it the medication? And then two, it was like, I don’t know if I wanted to wait for the phone call again.
And again, some women, whatever they choose to do I’m like, you have to pick that right choice for you. You do?
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: So I went to Walgreens, bought a home pregnancy test and it was so funny ’cause my, my bonus daughter Ella, she’s I don’t understand why you’re taking a test. You got a baby put inside you and it was so sweet, right? You’re just like, but then when I was like I peed on the stick and I watched it the whole time. Like I did not take my eyes off of it. And then I was like, oh my God. Oh my god. And I ran out and I like run to her and I’m like, oh my God, I’m pregnant.
And she’s I know. And then it was just so
Jamie: innocent.
Sonia: Yeah, so innocent. And then even both the kids were like, wait, why are you doing this whole thing to tell dad when he gets home? And I’m like, he goes, doesn’t he know? And I’m like, yes. I’m like, just, humor me. I’m being a, this is like weird mom moment. They’re like, okay. But it was big. It was huge.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: It was huge. And when we got that first beta number, it was nice and high. And then with every day it’s okay, it’s possible this could not work. But I had to be like, it’s possible it couldn’t work, but what if.
I ended up getting what’s called like the hyper hyperemesis of the severe morning sickness. So I was really sick, like pretty much like really early on. So that was like, I, yeah, I knew that I, this pregnancy was going strong, so I was just really sick. Uhhuh.
Jamie: And that kind of gave you the confidence that it was going to work?
Sonia: Yeah.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: Which sounds really awful, right? You’re like throwing up everywhere and everything.
And, but yeah, and then I was just, I was like, this is it. And we didn’t know if it was a girl or a boy because this is a five day fresh transfer. And my husband and I both wanted another girl, and Diego obviously wanted a boy. So we did the sneak peek test, the at home one.
Just because he couldn’t wait for the appointment to do the blood work. I know, right? Uhhuh. But I let my husband open it like he saw it before I did. Because I feel like he’s been so supportive through all this stuff and I wanted to give him something so he can open and learn first.
And he looked at it and he shook his down. I’m like, it’s a boy, isn’t it? He’s it’s a girl. I’m Right. So it was like this full,
Jamie: oh, that’s so fun.
Sonia: And then we told the kids we sent them, so they were with their their mom and we sent them a little package for them to open. And Diego was so upset. He hung up the phone at first, but then he sends me the sweetest text ever and he was just like, I’m so glad dad’s, come in a cup and this other lady’s eggs and this embryo all worked out and yes, I will help change 40 diapers. Like it was just like, I know,
Jamie: so sweet.
Sonia: It was so sweet and so sweet. And then that started my pregnancy journey at 44, which is wild now.
Jamie: When did you find out the sex? How far along were you?
Sonia: I was 10 weeks. Okay. Yeah, I was 10 weeks. I couldn’t be done as early as six weeks with the blood test.
Jamie: Wow. I had no idea.
Sonia: Neither did I. Crazy.
Jamie: We don’t wanna find out. I just think it’d be fun not to know.
Sonia: I understand that. I definitely understand that, especially when you’ve been through so much. There’s a lot of women in the IDF community that even wait to find out at the birth uhhuh yeah. I just, I needed to know.
Jamie: Sure.
Sonia: Yeah.
Jamie: I totally get that too.
Sonia: I just needed to know.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And I was beyond like, it was like one of those like universe, God, whatever, whoever. It was like gifting me what I really wanted. Yeah. And I couldn’t believe that this was all happening for me.
Jamie: Yeah. A dream come true.
Sonia: Yeah. So much. And then just the pregnancy was hard, but it was beautiful. It was really hard, but it was really beautiful ’cause I was sick the entire time.
Jamie: Yeah,
Sonia: and then I got walking pneumonia, which was awful.
Jamie: Oh God.
Sonia: Yeah. And that laid me out. I missed two weeks of work.
Jamie: Oh.
Sonia: Because I couldn’t do anything and I’m allergic to penicillin. So then like what you can take when you’re pregnant and allergic to it was, yeah. And I was seeing an OB and an MFM as well. So every two weeks I was seeing somebody the entire pregnancy.
And part of it was because it’s an IVF baby. And the other part of it was because of my age.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: For just monitoring me really closely, just extra cautious.
Jamie: And what about, did you use your same OB that you just have always gone to?
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah she was amazing. Unfortunately, she didn’t end up delivering Tia, but but she is amazing. I absolutely loved her. Super supportive, like the whole nine yards. Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: What do you like in her, what’s important to you in a doctor?
Sonia: She always just listened to me, like she listened to me. And actually, her staff wasn’t great and even she admitted that she’s her office isn’t always great, but and even going through the infertility stuff, she was like, we’re gonna do donor eggs.
That is fine. There is and she was giving me all this research on epigenetics and just everything. She was like, we’re going to do this. This is this will be your baby. And then when my husband came in she was just always pleasant. And you, I felt like when she walked in the room, she was there to listen to me and give me the advice that I needed for me. She wasn’t treating me like a number.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s so important.
Sonia: That was really important. Yeah. Like really important.
Jamie: And was there any products that you couldn’t live without that you’d recommend during pregnancy?
Sonia: Yeah. For me it was the Unisom and b, vitamin B six because of how sick I was.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: When I was also taking like the prescription meds. But I would, I just drank a lot of water. Mostly actually was like some form of I couldn’t do Liquid IV ’cause I didn’t like the taste of it anymore, which was also wild. So I did like the zero Gatorade. And I know it’s like not the best thing, but it was the one thing that I could drink and I diluted it with water that I wasn’t always throwing up.
And taste wise it was. Yeah. The other thing that’s crazy, I don’t really like a whole lot of meat and I loved Big Mac. Isn’t that crazy?
Jamie: Wow. That is.
Sonia: But I loved Big Mac.
Jamie: Wow. How funny.
Sonia: Yeah, it’s hilarious. Even my husband’s is there another McDonald’s bag in the trash? I’m like, there sure is.
Jamie: You better believe it.
Sonia: There sure is. I was worried, just because I wasn’t able, I was so sick I wasn’t able to exercise a lot. And being like a former triathlete, like I am, used to doing like all kinds of exercise and I really just had to be gentle with my body. I still was walking a lot just because, walking around college campus lecturing.
So I was still getting in, 6,000, 8,000 steps a day, but that was it. Yeah. And on the weekend I wasn’t doing much of anything ’cause I was like, I the sickness is what was the hardest part. Like exhaustion. Yeah. But the throwing up constantly. It just, it took a toll on my body for sure.
Jamie: And that happened throughout the whole pregnancy?
Sonia: Whole pregnancy for me.
Jamie: Oh wow.
Sonia: Yeah. Like it was, it, I couldn’t believe it. And then the bigger my daughter got, the more she pressed on my bladder. So when I would throw up, I would pee myself, which was amazing. And the one time that happened at school, I had to leave.
I was like, I didn’t, I, yeah. I ended up buying those, like Nicks underwear or wearing pads or something, because if I throw up, which I would pee because when she got bigger, that would just happen. And if I had to pee and then I threw up, then it was like it was game over. I know,
Jamie: that’s funny.
Sonia: So sexy. It’s so sexy. How did you like that underwear? I actually liked it. I really did. I think it’s, again, because being older, we didn’t grow up with that as an option. Yeah. Like we grew up with Tex, like thick as anything, right? Yep. But I liked it. I really did.
Okay. I think there’s, that, that part of me that’s still nervous that it would work, for a heavy period. Apparently they do. I haven’t had the courage to risk it.
Jamie: Yeah. I see those advertised and I’m just keep thinking yeah.
Sonia: Like the, a lot of the younger women and the IVF community swear by them. They were great for during pregnancy to prevent my urine getting all over me. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s a great thing to use instead of wearing a pad all the time.
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah. So they were, yeah, they were awesome. They were, those were great. Those were absolutely great. And then all the candy and everything I think if you had mild nausea, that might help a lot of people. But for me it was a good mental distraction, but it didn’t actually help because the nausea was just, I didn’t have nausea. I was vomiting.
It was just so bad. It got a little bit better towards the middle of the second trimester, but then it picked back up again.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: Yeah. I know.
Jamie: What about preparing for birth and baby?
Sonia: So I was not prepared as I would’ve liked to have been. And that’s because Taya came almost eight weeks early. Ooh.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: So yeah. So I started, so the goal was she was she was due, technically March 2nd, what would’ve been like the 40 week mark, but we were going to, I was gonna be induced at 39 weeks.
Again, my age and being an IVF baby, and I was fine with that. Again, not every OB does that. Not every patient does that, but I was okay with that. So I’m put this around the 23rd of February. So our goal was let’s get through Christmas and New Year’s, and then I’ll spend the next like eight weeks getting everything else sorted, doing the meal prep, doing I’d just put together the the list on Amazon, like all the postpartum stuff.
And I said to my husband going that way, like there’s the whole list here. And depending on if I have vaginal birth or c-section. You can go, you can choose which list. That way you can just hit purchase. And I don’t have to think about it. And you don’t have to scramble what do we have to buy?
And so I started building that list.
Jamie: That’s brilliant.
Sonia: Yeah, it was great. That was good. But I didn’t end up finishing everything. So the kids left on January 4th. So January 3rd, I had my maternity photos done. January 4th, my husband took the kids back to their moms. And then on January 6th, so those, that, those couple days, I started swelling a lot.
And I went to my OB and I did already like the glucose test and all that stuff, and it was fine. And I was swelling and they’re like swelling is normal with pregnancy. I’m like, yeah, but I’m swelling. Like a lot like. Everybody kept telling me like this was normal. So I went in, we did that at home. We started the at-home urine collection to test for preeclampsia.
My blood work came back fine. There was no signs of preeclampsia that Friday morning, January 6th I dropped off my urine, went and saw the ob, my blood pressure was taken. It was slightly elevated. They’d already started me on baby aspirin. It was like at the beginning of the second trimester. Just as a precaution. And it was slightly elevated, but they told me like, Hey, when you come in, just pack a little bag in case we wanna do the urine collection at the hospital. And I was like, okay. So I packed a little bag.
But then they’re like, no, everything’s fine. I’m gonna send you home, but we’re gonna keep you on bedrest. So I called my college. Our classes hadn’t started yet, but I was like, Hey, I’m on bedrest. Here’s the note, we’ll see what happens on Monday when my when the urine comes back and if I’m preeclamptic or not.
I had asthma and I was, I thought my asthma was getting worse, and so I was having trouble breathing. So I slept on the couch that January 6th. I was like, God, my inhaler wasn’t working like it was, but it wasn’t relieving my symptoms. So my husband, he was actually sleeping in one of the kids’ rooms because I was snoring so badly during pregnancy.
My bonus daughter recorded me the one night and I was like, no, that’s not me. It was like something out of a movie, like the old man that snores so loud that wakes up the whole house. I am not even exaggerate and I don’t snore typically. So that was like, it was so loud. Yeah. So my, my husband, he had to go to the base that weekend, so he had to get up at four 30 in the morning. So that’s why he slept in the, with the kids’ rooms because I was snoring so loudly.
But I woke him up and I was like, Hey, like my asthma’s not in check something’s wrong. I’m gonna go just drive to the hospital up the road here, gonna get a breathing treatment. I’ll be back soon. So I’m getting ready. This is my thought processs. I’m like, I’ll be fine. So I’m getting ready. He comes out and he’s are you fucking crazy? I’m not letting you go to the hospital by yourself. And I’m like, I just need a breathing treatment though. I’ll be fine. And I, in hindsight, I think I knew I wasn’t, but I really wanted to be.
So if I did this by myself, then maybe that’s like me willing to the universe, like it’s all gonna be fine. I started to swell even worse
Jamie: after the treatment?
Sonia: So I actually didn’t even need the breathing treatment. It was my blood pressure went so severe, it was so severely high, like they were worried about I would have a stroke.
Jamie: Whoa.
Sonia: So in a span of 12 hours, I saw the OB Friday morning and Friday night I’m checked into like at 1130 at night, I’m checked into labor and delivery. Wow. Everything happened so fast, so quickly, and I was 32 weeks in two days.
Jamie: Oh.
Sonia: And and I’m sitting there going, and I’m still asking nurses going, okay, so how long do you think I’ll be in here? Will I go home tomorrow the next day? Do I have to stay here the rest of the pregnancy? Like I’m just, I’m still not, I’m still thinking there’s no way I’m gonna have my baby this early.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: There’s just no way. Within that 24 hours or less than that, at the hospital I had put on almost 30 pounds of water weight.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: Yeah. My skin started blistering. Because everything was just expanding so much. I couldn’t bend anything. Like it was, it I was un I felt like I was unrecognizable. Wow. Was it painful or just extreme discomfort? It was painful because my skin was stretching.
Jamie: Ooh.
Sonia: And the blistering, but then I was also scared and my adrenaline was high. I remember fear more than anything else. And so they, put in the catheter, which would, that was actually painful. It was the first time I had a catheter put in me while I was not asleep. But I think we just thought that I would just stay in the hospital for monitoring.
My husband goes home that next morning to let the dog out. Feed the dog and the cat. We only were like six minutes away from the hospital, as soon as he leaves everybody came in like labor and delivery. The NICU nurse, the OB on call, like everybody was like, your blood pressure isn’t going down at all. It is dangerously high. Uhhuh. We’re gonna have to, we’re gonna have to deliver your baby today.
And I was like, like I was crying. I was like, can’t she stay in me long? Like I’m not ready. Yeah. I’m not. Then I asked them to all come back when my husband come, because I was like, I can’t tell him all of this.
I can’t do it. Can you guys come back in 15 minutes? And I told my husband, I was like I need you to come back. I said that they’ve got some stuff they wanna talk to us about. So he was like, okay. He came back and I, that was like, when they came back in and told my husband, I don’t remember everything, but I just remember the look of fear on his face.
Like for the first time in my life, like seeing, or since we’ve been together, like actual fear in his face. Yeah. And so they wanted to wait until three 30 so that we would be at the full 12 hours for all like the steroid doses that they give to help with the baby’s lungs.
But by two 20 they were like we can’t wait anymore.
And it was so scary because even, I remember when they’re, when I asked them, I’m like can we wait longer? And the ob she was just like, she goes, can I be blunt? I’m like, yes. She’s you will die. This is you’ll have a stroke, you’ll stroke it. This is dangerous. We need to do this. And I was like, okay.
But I was terrified. And then when they tell you like, Hey, if you don’t hear the baby cry, don’t worry. I’m like, what? Like after everything and I’m just looking at my husband, like after everything we’ve been through, we can’t lose her. We can’t lose her.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And so I had to have a, it wasn’t an emergency C-section, and then I had to be, they still were able to do like the epidural and everything. They wanted to prevent for me to be put under. But it all happened really quickly. And at two 40. PM Central Standard Time. January 7th. My daughter was born via C-section.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: Yeah. And did you hear her cry? Her cry, which was amazing. I was so grateful. And they brought her over and they like, let me kiss her. And then they had to take her to the nicu.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And my placenta ended up starting to deteriorate, so it was like, it took them a bit to get everything out. And the way the light was tipped, the glass reflection, I could see them what their, and I couldn’t look like. I was like, I saw the umbilical cord outta my stomach.
I was like, I can’t look. And it was be not because I wasn’t, I was just scared.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Had this been like. The day that we were supposed to have her, I would’ve wanted to have seen it all. Yeah. But I was so scared.
Jamie: Yeah. ’cause your life is at stake too.
Sonia: Yeah. And then I was told I couldn’t see her for 24 hours.
Jamie: Oh, why?
Sonia: Because I, because of the severe preeclampsia, I had to be hooked up to this magnesium drip and they can’t move you.
Jamie: Ugh.
Sonia: So I felt so empty, told everybody she’s not inside me and she’s not beside me.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And then I’m in shock, I’m in pain. I have all this medication. It was just, and then I had this worry too going she’s not genetically mine. What if she doesn’t know me or remember me or, and I’m not, I don’t, it was just such a whirlwind of emotions.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Such a whirlwind of emotions. And I missed having her inside me because I knew that she was safe.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: My husband got to see her, which was great. He took videos and photos and brought them to me. And that was so special. And then when I finally did get to go see her, because I was still so swollen I couldn’t bend my arms. And because she was in like an isolette, she was hooked up to the CPAP. When you hold a NICU baby, they want you to hold them for at least 45 minutes because it’s a lot on their body to move them.
And I was like, I can’t hold my daughter for that long. I can’t even bend my arms. And then I was like, what kind of mother am I? Oh, it was so hard. It was so hard.
Jamie: Oh.
Sonia: To know that I couldn’t even hold her.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: So I had to just I was touching her, right? My husband held her and I like had my hands all over her and everything, but it was really hard. And then the swelling started to go down. So that first time that I could hold her, it was just, it was magic.
It was magic. Like in that moment she was, it was clear to me, like she was meant for me. Like she settled, she was crying and then she just settled right away and it was like, okay.
Jamie: Yeah. She was where she needed to be.
Sonia: Yeah. So that was like, and I ended up staying in the hospital for five days because my blood pressure was not improving. My swelling was still crazy. And then so they needed to get that under control and then leaving the hospital without my daughter was, yeah, it’s tough. That was hard.
Yeah, that was really hard.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Because I had to keep telling myself, I didn’t have a miscarriage. She didn’t die, like she’s here, but it’s like such a mind fuck because you’re like, I’m going home postpartum and no baby.
Jamie: Yeah,
Sonia: but I have a baby your mind. So we went two to three times every day for five and a half weeks to see her.
Jamie: The longest. Five and a half weeks.
Sonia: Yeah. It was like this crazy space of, it felt like time stood still and it was forever. Yeah. All at the same time. And people still said stupid shit too. They’re like, get the rest while you can. I’m like, who’s sleeping? Uhhuh? First of all, I still have to get up every three hours to pump.
Secondly, my daughter isn’t here.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: I’m not living my best life. Like she’s in the nicu. And then that was, we had the, remember we had the snowstorm? And I said to my husband, I’m like, even if we have to pull down the kids toboggan or sled, we’re like, you are pulling me. And we are going,
Jamie: we’re going.
Sonia: We’re not missing a night. Like I’m not yeah.
Jamie: So did you drive in the ice?
Sonia: Yeah. Yeah. And here’s the we were only six minutes away, so that was, again, we delivered at what, what wasn’t supposed to be our hospital. We didn’t deliver with our ob but it ended up working out because the hospital we were supposed to live at was Plano.
Presby. And that would’ve been like 40 minutes away. But we were at a close hospital. She had complications, but it wasn’t so severe that she had to be, careful into a higher level nicu. The NICU at that Presby had all the resources to care for her. She just started, she took a lot longer just because of the feeding, right?
That was the thing that she struggled with the most. But the nursing, she did not.
Jamie: Oh good. She was just an immediate latch. How did it go?
Sonia: Immediate. Like they were like, we’re gonna try this. I was so excited ’cause I was like, I really want this to work and for us to bond. And she latched right away. It was like she, she like aggressively went in for my boob. It was so everybody laughed a little too ’cause she was like this tiny little thing, not even five pounds yet. And she’s just raw, I’m gonna here’s the boob. And that was that. And the only thing is that she wouldn’t take a bottle and because she’s a preemie, the breast milk doesn’t have enough calories, so it has to be fortified with formula. So they have to, and if they don’t do a bottle, then it’s through the feeding tube.
And so that’s what kept her in longer is that she had to, and she just didn’t have the energy to finish a bottle and she didn’t have enough strength to nurse enough either to where she was getting enough calories.
But yeah we made it and we got to bring her home on Valentine’s Day.
Jamie: Oh, how was it bringing her home?
Sonia: Amazing. We got to spend the night with her, like in the hospital, and that way they checked on us and they made sure, like we were doing all the feeding and the measurements and because we had to measure everything that we were feeding her too, making sure she got the right amount. And she had these, like two different medicines and so I bought her an over the top outfit that was a little bit too big for her because she was still so tiny.
And I was like, I don’t, and they were like, oh my God, it’s so adorable. And I was like, look, she came into this world really dramatic. We are leaving this hospital really dramatic too. And it was just, and she was so itty bitty, but just yeah. So adorable in her outfit. So adorable.
Jamie: Oh, wow. Did you get the wheelchair exit and everything?
Sonia: They asked me and I was like I wanna walk with her. I just, I want to, I wanna walk with her. And so we did. And it was amazing. Yeah. I couldn’t believe it. We were driving home and I was just like, okay, here we go. Yeah. Here we. And I didn’t put her down. Like I didn’t put her down. I’m sure I did, but I didn’t, yeah. Like it was just it was amazing.
Like hard but amazing. Because I’d missed her so much. Yeah. And I just, I wanted her right next to me.
Jamie: Yeah. And how was your recovery?
Sonia: That one was hard because I was going to the nicu, two and three times a day. After the c-section, I wasn’t still like I should have been. So it took me a lot longer to heal. I think just because I was moving around a lot. I don’t know if it’s if it’s age or what, but I’m still, I’m gonna start physical therapy, like pelvic floor therapy.
Because I feel like everything’s still. It doesn’t feel like it did before, and I understand that, but I think, like where you carry your pain versus, and as an athlete or former athlete, like I just I know my body really well, so I know what doesn’t feel right. And so when things aren’t strong, then you end up carrying a lot of your weight, like in your back or in your knees. So then having to strengthen the core again. But it’s different, like I’m not training for something, I’m healing. So I have to have somebody else go, Hey, this is how you need to heal.
Jamie: Yeah. And how old is she?
Sonia: So Taya just turned seven months.
Jamie: Okay.
Sonia: Isn’t that wild? And she’s, they go by her adjusted age because she was born eight weeks early. So they consider her a five month old. Age-wise, she’s seven developmentally, she’s five months.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: So we do everything, based on that. So we didn’t start introducing Purees to her until she was six months adjusted four months.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And that’s just because, like the reflux, yeah, her reflux too, but then her like swallowing abilities, just all that, it’s not pushing her. And meeting her where she is.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Really important. Yeah. And not getting into that comparison game too. Oh, definitely.
Jamie: And what about mentally after you got home with her?
Sonia: Yeah. I was severely depressed. Like severely, like I remember thinking in my bed going, I don’t know how I can keep going. And I knew that feeling before I’d been on Zoloft. My entire pregnancy anyways. And that was again, like the OB that was at the hospital was like, if you need to increase your Zoloft don’t wait, do it. Because this is a lot to deal with. And it just took one night for me to feel like that, for me to go call my doctor. And I was like let’s up the dosage.
And so we did, and I’ve decided to stay on the higher dosage for now. Like I’m not gonna decrease it. Anytime soon. Yeah.
Jamie: And so that helped?
Sonia: Yeah. Big time. Big time. And I definitely need to go back to therapy to process the traumatic birth. That’s for sure. I should have, and part of it was again, nicu. Then my husband was getting re stationed to Arizona and then I was by myself with her in Texas. It was a lot of different moving parts to, yes therapy is important, but I also have to try to figure out like, how do I do all this by myself?
And so that’s my next goal here now that I’m settled in Arizona.
Jamie: Yeah. ’cause y’all just moved a few weeks ago.
Sonia: Yes, we got here on the 3rd of July.
Jamie: Wow. Yeah. A new baby in going to move states.
Sonia: Yes. Yeah, it was, she was great in the car though, like it was, we had a good solid plan and she was great. She was awesome. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s impressive.
Sonia: Yeah, I was impressed too. Like she is she’s amazing. I know everybody says that and there are no bad babies ever. But there’s just something that she just shows me time and time again that she was meant for me. And I was meant for her.
Jamie: I love that.
Sonia: And it’s just, even when, even in, in the store strangers like, oh, she loves her mama. Look how she’s looking at you. I’m like, I know, right? She’s looking at me like I am the center of her world. Yeah. And it is, it’s magic.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And as hard as this is, and it is harder being older and being tired and I think we have more mental tenacity now though. It’s like I know I can get through really hard shit.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: But like seeing her smile at me, is it worth it? It is. So tired, but you are so worth it. Like over and over again.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And I’m, I don’t worry. I know a lot of women worry about like how old they’re gonna be when they finish high school, and I’ve really reconciled with that going No time is guaranteed whatsoever.
That’s right. Like even if I would’ve had a child earlier, it would, there was no guarantee that I would see or graduate high school or him or whatever. So I just really like trying to remind myself to stay really present. And soak it in and just go, I am here with her right now and we’re enjoying this and we’re going to do this thing now.
And then I am going to be the same age as maybe some of those parents’. Parents. She’s starting kindergarten. That’s okay because I also know I have a lot to offer. Just in terms of maybe not for parenting advice with some of those young moms, but a lot of like life stuff that, like I can just shift into that role there and I’m good with that.
Like it’s, and I’m also okay that if, somebody 20 years younger than me gives me some really awesome advice of what to do with my daughter. Fantastic.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Does this work? Perfect. Let’s try this.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: No ego.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Sonia: I think it’s just when people talk about having a plan I get it, but I think the, one of the things that I learned was that. I didn’t have one because I wasn’t sure what it was gonna look like. And then I was like, okay, you can have one, but you have to be really flexible and go, I just have to do what’s gonna get my baby here safely and me alive.
And but losing a lot of that giving up control, especially if you’ve gone through infertility.
Jamie: Yes.
Sonia: That is it’s I can’t control this either. Again, all the power to you if you wanna put together the birth plan and put together all this stuff, but just really understand it could go not that way. And you just have to go, all I gotta roll with it. I gotta roll with it. I have to do this. It sucks. I don’t like that. I don’t get to do this, but I have to do this. Like I didn’t do a big nursery reveal ’cause we didn’t have it finished. I didn’t do the cute, welcome to the world photo because it just, that wasn’t our story.
Jamie: Yeah. And that’s okay.
Sonia: And it’s okay. I can be sad about it, but I can also still embrace the story that is ours. Yeah. And I’m, and I am. And I just, yeah, like I, I love her. We named her Taya Ter Chesley we’re, my husband and I are not very religious, but both raised Catholic and in his family, everybody has a patron saint as their middle name.
And I’m a huge environmentalist. And was ter with us, she was, or canonized just in 2012. And so she’s the patron saint of the environment. And we chose her. And so
Jamie: I love that.
Sonia: Yeah. And it was funny ’cause my husband wasn’t sold on the middle name, but when we had her early and they came in, they’re like, so what’s her middle name? And my husband’s and I’m like, yes, it’s gonna be a small win there.
Jamie: I love that.
Sonia: Yeah. To think about anything else. And yeah, now she’s 15 pounds, five ounces.
Jamie: Wow.
Sonia: And thriving. And absolutely thriving. Yeah.
Jamie: So now you have one embryo left. Do you have any more plans to be pregnant in your forties?
Sonia: Yeah, so that’s so complicated. I honestly felt like my husband should make that decision. Before I had Taya because it’s his genetics. But as soon as I had her, saw her, held her, I was like, that other embryo in there is my other child. So we need to make this decision. And right now that we haven’t decided what to do, if you ask my husband, we’re gonna be donating it to somebody because I don’t know if he wants to have a fourth child. Somebody’s got two, others i’s got three. But also it was a lot like, it was a hard pregnancy.
It was really hard. I think if I was younger, I would say Absolutely, let’s transfer it. But being older, it’s not so much the age, it’s the complications that I had coupled with the age. Because the likelihood of that happening again is even higher. Once you had one high risk pregnancy. Yeah. To put my body through that again I don’t know, like right now I’m in a I don’t know space.
And I have to believe that in some way, shape or form, something’s going to resolve to where I’m going to be given a clear answer one way or another. Like what the best thing is to do. But yeah, right now we’re in the, I don’t know, space.
Jamie: That’s okay.
Sonia: So wild, isn’t it? Yeah. What a great space to be in. It is. Yeah. And I’m like so grateful. So grateful. And like I said, I’ll send you some of the pictures of the maternity shoot. It’s so crazy. I did the maternity shoot on January 3rd. And then the seventh she was born. That wasn’t the plan. Yeah. And the photographer was like, oh, we’re doing this a bit early. And I’m like, yeah, but my semester’s gonna start, so I wanna make sure that, I do this. And I absolutely love them.
I was just like, yeah, let’s do this. I will. Yes.
Jamie: Is perfect timing.
Sonia: I think too I wasn’t worried about looking perfect or not looking my age. I was like, no, I am 44. I am pregnant. I’m having this baby and I’m gonna celebrate this body and what I look like right now.
Jamie: I love it.
Sonia: And that was, but it took a lot of work. I was tell it took a lot of work to get there for me. A lot of work. Yeah. I know that it’s it’s hard, especially for women that are still struggling with infertility and are, 38, 39, like edging up to that. That’s really hard. Really hard.
Jamie: Yeah. Now, you had a really challenging pregnancy, but what was your biggest challenge being pregnant in your forties?
Sonia: Huh. I don’t know. Nothing like, the pregnancy was hard, right? Like I didn’t like all the throwing up all the time. But I was, I loved it. I loved it. I was trying to just make sure I’m celebrating my body, so I didn’t care about the weight gain. It was like, I didn’t gain that much initially just because I was throwing up so much. But I wore all the fitted clothing. I was like, we’re wearing all the fitted clothing. There was no doubt that I was pregnant and everything I wore, it was absolutely clear I was pregnant. ’cause everything I wore was fitted. Because I was embracing it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: A hundred percent all the time. I was like, I have so hard to get here and we aren’t doing this. And I absolutely loved it. It was hard because I was scared. So I have a lot of pictures that my took and I really lean into the day that the times that I felt really pregnant, I took a photo to document it. Because after loss it’s really hard to trust your body.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And I knew that the hard parts I that you don’t have to worry about forgetting because those just come in all the time. But the joy, when it comes in, like I needed to document it. It’s the same thing with Teya. When she was in the nicu, I took so many photos of her in the nicu because I knew that I’m gonna remember all the hard stuff, but those really beautiful moments are gonna be really hard. And now I’ve got these photos to go back and look at and go, oh yeah, that was such a beautiful moment. Because all I remember most days is crying every night leaving the nicu.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: But those photos remind me of oh yeah, there was that moment.
There was that. So same thing with the pregnancy photos that I took on my phone going That’s right. In that moment I felt really pregnant. I loved this. I loved this outfit. I was loving that day because the hard stuff was there. The fear of loss, the, like, all that was constantly there.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: So I just, yeah. I’m so grateful. If there was another word for grateful that would be it. If there was a bigger word. There’s one that’s like a, a. That I could wrap the whole thing in. That would be what I felt. And I never want to take that part for granted. And I’m also will never say anything toxic to anybody because I know what that also feels like. Yeah.
And then the women that are worried about being old, like I said, it’s yeah, but nothing’s guaranteed for you. Like days aren’t, time isn’t, and you will make the best of what you have at the time that you’re given.
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth in their forties?
Sonia: Yeah. I would definitely say you, you definitely need to advocate to see an ob. And an MFM, like it can’t hurt to see a specialist. And if you can schedule it to where you’re going to someone every two weeks, just because of the age, it can get high risk really quickly.
Even if you’ve had really healthy pregnancies before, but to advocate for yourself to see a specialist for peace of mind and then to, do the baby aspirin. I’m not a medical doctor. But at the same time, knowing that can help, especially when you’re in your forties. Getting a blood pressure monitor. I should have done that sooner. Because then you’re checking it yourself and that way you’re regulating going, okay, is this getting too high? And if it is, they can try with medication before it gets to the point where I got to. It can still get there. That’s the other part. That is, sadly, that’s true.
Jamie: Yeah. There’s only so much prevention you could do.
Sonia: But I think it’s, like I listened to my body and I just went, something’s not right.
I was wrong about what it was, but I think I was scared. Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: What advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant? If you could go back?
Sonia: Huh? I think I did a pretty good job, but I would I would definitely tell myself not to be so hard on myself ’cause I wasn’t showing up. As I normally was, like, I genuinely thought once I got there, like I would be pregnant and doing all the things that I’d normally do and I just wasn’t able to. And I was really hard on myself for not doing that, for not showing up 110% and everywhere that I typically do. And not to be so hard on myself on that one.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: Yeah. That one for sure. But I did so much work leading up to it that I made sure that I enjoyed moments of my pregnancy. And I’m so glad I did. Yeah. Because that was like a lot of work.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And what would you say to those other women that are trying to conceive in their forties? I would say that go see an re reproductive endocrinologist. It can it’s still possible that you can naturally get pregnant. I don’t even like that word naturally, but you can get pregnant.
It doesn’t hurt to have more information. So maybe it’s, getting an extra medication to help, with speeding the process along. Maybe there is something in your uterus. The more information you have, the better.
And also not to wait the six months that they tell you before you go see somebody. Again, I’m not a medical doctor, but there’s no like medical reasoning why they say six months. I would even say above 35 it’s more likely than not that it is something to do with your age and your reproductive health and nobody’s gonna ask you to prove that you’ve been trying for six months.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: So if they do, you’re like we’ve been trying for six months. And then that’s, but I like throw that one out the window. Don’t even, that one’s hogwash for sure. Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah.
Sonia: And where can our listeners find you on the internet? On Instagram, I’m at Donor Egg Mama Cheetah. I chose that one. I’m a huge Glennon Doyle fan.
And when she talks about the story of Cheetah the part of the story that stuck with me was being a caged animal versus running wild and free. Not so much like raw beach, but that, like what does this mean to embark on this journey, an egg donor infertility, being open about my journey and being older, like not worrying about what society expects me to do in Be and say but what I wanna do in be and say.
I took that and I ran with it. Words matter to me. And then I also run a support group. Through fertility Rally every Sunday for women who are struggling with infertility. And this is been another really cathartic thing because that community helped me and now I’m able to give back and helped women as well.
And most of the time it’s just validating what they are feeling. And the advice can be there too. A lot of the women there also provide amazing experiential advice. But the majority of it is just you are so valid in what you are feeling and you are not alone.
Jamie: I love that.
Sonia, thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful.
Sonia: Thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it so much. This has been lovely.