On episode 85, Judy is a registered social worker, a trauma therapist and specializes in addiction. She lives in Eastern Ontario, Canada with her husband, 17-year-old step-son, 10-year-old and three-year old daughters, and a dog and a cat. Judy was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at 12 years old and PCOS at 16 years old. Doctors told her she could never have children. She tried to have a baby in her 20’s but nothing happened. Judy did a lot of therapy, a lot of work on herself, and she took care of her body. She went to a spin class three times a week. She saw Chinese herbalists who recommended a supplement called Vitex to regulate hormones for her PCOS. She believed it was impossible to get pregnant even though she had always done manifestation and energy work to heal her body. She let go of the idea of needing and wanting her own child. She accepted she was 37 and having a baby probably was not going to happen. She even moved to a town where she normally wouldn’t have wanted to raise a child for cheaper housing. Judy had accepted that maybe she could look into adopting an older child.
At 37, Judy reconnected with an ex-boyfriend. Her sugars had been at a normal level for a diabetic and her PCOS was under control. Her cycle was regular and all of a sudden, she wasn’t. Her sugars went really high and she didn’t know what was going on. She realized she hadn’t had a period in two months. She took six pregnancy tests. All of them were positive but one. She remembers calling a friend to ask if it was possible for all of them to be a false positive? She was so surprised at first because she had always been told she couldn’t get pregnant. Besides being on high doses of insulin, her pregnancy was great. Judy gave birth at 24 weeks in a bedpan because she had a broken call button. The baby’s father delivered her and she lived for six minutes before she was intubated. Judy calls her a multiple miracle baby because she beat all the statistics.
Her relationship with her partner was off and on. Judy wanted to separate and just be civil parents, but he didn’t want to do that. They ended up back together after a trip. Judy started taking Vitex again to clear her hormones and help her body get back on track. They weren’t trying to get pregnant but didn’t use protection. At 41, she was pregnant again. She went off of Vitex at 12 weeks and miscarried. He wanted a second baby, but Judy told him she didn’t think it was possible. She was now 45 years old and assumed she was in menopause. Judy went back on Vitex again. While they were eating one day, she threw up. He looked at her and asked if that wasn’t a sign. She was pregnant at 45. She says it was pretty amazing and scary.
Judy worried about what people were going to think about her pregnancy over 40. She wasn’t sure how she would handle telling her work. There was a lot of things to think about, but the miscarriage wasn’t one of them. She says it was surreal finding out she was pregnant and didn’t think it was possible anyway. She knew it was going to be okay. They were living in a house together and their relationship was good. At 12 weeks, she went off Vitex because she read not to take supplements because they don’t know what they do. As soon as Judy went off Vitex, her cervix shortened. She wasn’t making enough progesterone because of the PCOS. Her cervix had shortened to a 1.6 when her OB said it should be a 3. She was at risk of losing the baby, so her OB put her on instant bed rest at 14 weeks. Bedrest was really difficult because she is constantly on the go, so she had to really slow down. She would play games with her children in the bed and she actually kept seeing some of her clients just through video while she was propped up with pillows. She more research and was comfortable taking the Vitex again while her OB put her in for an emergency cerculage at 16 weeks. She calls it a healthy (ish) pregnancy. By the end, she was taking 600 units of insulin a day which was twice the dosage as her first pregnancy. Her OB assumed the cerculage was the reason her cervix was back up to a 3. Judy knew it was the Vitex, but didn’t tell her OB she had started back on it again. Judy went off the Vitex at 33 weeks and started moving around a little bit more because she felt it was much safer. Judy’s baby at 46, she knew was a girl even though her partner thought it was a boy. She had an ultrasound very early on because she was high risk, geriatric pregnancy and had diabetes to find out the gender. Just about every other week she got an ultrasound. Some of the doctors were almost rude about her age, but some were very supportive. One doctor told her that she didn’t have any business getting pregnant. She left in tears and then went to a specialist from there.
Because Judy’s babies were so far apart, she had given everything away. She gave most of the clothing and baby stuff to a friend, so she got it all back. Getting the clothes and baby stuff returned brought back so many memories.
FUN FACT: Judy was pregnant at the same time as her oldest daughter. They went shopping for maternity clothes together. It was funny and cute, but at the same time, Judy just couldn’t believe it. It was almost embarrassing, but amazing at the same time. Her daughter had her first at 18, then 22 and then 25.
She was trying to stay open-minded about birth and not be too disappointed to not have the candlelit experience with this one. She at least thought she would have a vaginal birth. Her cerculage was cut at 36 weeks and at 37 weeks, she had a scheduled medical induction with Pitocin. Then they put the balloon inside of her and labor started within a couple of hours. Because labor began, she assumed she would have a vaginal birth. About 28 hours into labor, she was 8 centimeters dilated but couldn’t get to 10 because she had an irritable cervix. She went into labor several times previously during this pregnancy and was told she had an irritable cervix, but really didn’t understand what it meant. They gave her an epidural because her blood pressure was a little high. The epidural was the worst part of the experience. It was so painful and went on for so long. At 30 hours into her labor, her OB recommend a c-section because she wasn’t progressing past eight, and they were concerned about the baby.
Judy says the c-section was not fun and one of the weirdest experiences. She knew she wasn’t going to lose her baby, so she wasn’t as scared. However, she was disappointed about not having a vaginal delivery with a full-term baby. Going to the OR was intimidating, especially during 2020. Judy’s partner could be with her because she got admitted early. It was such a weird experience to be locked in place with her arms out with so many people in the room. Her partner was able to cut the cord, but it’s all a blur. Then she remembers the doctor wanting to lay her baby on her chest but she couldn’t feel anything. She was shaking from the medicine. Judy was on copious amounts of insulin, so she only got to hold her baby for 20 minutes when they realized her daughter’s sugars were dropping. Her daughter was rushed to NICU for two to three days.
While she was in recovery, she worried about her daughter’s sugars dropping. She was determined not leave her baby in the hospital until she was coming home with her. Judy wasn’t able to produce enough milk, so she only attempted to breastfeed a couple of times. She didn’t think she could breastfeed because of insulin resistance. She had tried so hard with her first one but only produced tiny bottles of milk after so much pumping. Judy didn’t want that again. She didn’t want the pressure. Her recovery from the scar and surgery was horrible. She had a skin-flap that hung down over her scar that couldn’t heal properly and became infected. Judy’s mother passed away many years ago, and she didn’t feel like she had many women she could talk to about something like this. She finally spoke with a cousin that suggested putting a receiving blanket in between the skin to help it dry out. It worked. She was tired during her recovery and a bit overwhelmed from going from one child to two. She also worried if she was going to love her the same because her first was such a miracle. It was instant love with her second baby.
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Judy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writenbhappy/
I don’t understand how she was pregnant with her oldest daughter bc her oldest daughter would am have only been nine or so? Was it the step-son’s girlfriend?
Susan, she quickly mentioned on the show that she has an older daughter she raised but doesn’t go into much detail. You are correct, she wasn’t pregnant with her daughter she had when she was 37. That would be a good follow-up question for her!