This article has come up quite a bit in conversations and this is an addition to the article I wrote 5 Better questions to Ask Yourself While Trying to Conceive over 40. 20 journal prompts is also a good read if you feel stuck or feel like trying to conceive is hard.
I’m Jamie and I had my baby at 43 with donor eggs. Now, I share pregnancy stories over 40 on the podcast and on Instagram.
When you ask your brain a negative, disempowering question, like Why am I not pregnant, your brain acts like a search engine. It will find evidence (or a reason) to answer it. It will reply with answers like: Because you’re too old, because your eggs are low quality, because you waited too long, or because your body is failing. That line of questioning triggers feelings of shame, anxiety, and helplessness, which leads to passive action or panicked action.
To change your results, you have to change your questions you ask yourself. Better questions force your brain to look for agency, authority, possibility, and love.
Shift away from ‘Why Am I Not Pregnant?’
- 1. “What if my age is actually an asset in this process, not a liability?
- 2. How can I love and trust my body today, regardless of where I am in my cycle?
- 3. What feelings am I trying to avoid by worrying about the timeline?
- 4. If I knew with 100% certainty that my baby was on the way, how would I act today?
- 5. What am I currently making a negative test result mean about me as a woman?
- 6. How can I take full responsibility for my emotional experience during this wait?
- 7. What is one belief I’m holding about pregnancy over 40 that I need to drop right now?
Reclaim Authority & Agency
- 8. “Am I operating out of fear and desperation, or peace and decision?”
- 9. “What decisions can I make today from my highest wisdom rather than panic?”
- 10. “Where am I handing over my power to doctors, statistics, or fear-based stories?”
- 11. “What do I need to advocate for or ask my care team next?”
- 12. “How can I make the physical protocol feel supportive rather than punitive?”
- 13. “What is within my direct control today, and what am I ready to surrender?”
Cultivating Abundance & Connection
- 14. How can I enjoy my life, my marriage, and my present season right now, before I become pregnant?
- 15. What if this journey is shaping me into the exact mother my future child needs?
- 16. How can I show up as the authority of my own body this month?
- 17. What thought creates the most calm and grounded feeling in my body right now?
- 18. If failure wasn’t a problem, what step would I take next?
- 19. How can I offer myself unconditional compassion for how hard this feels today?
- 20. Who do I want to be on the day I finally get to share this story?
Execution
Pick one question from this list to work on for the next 24 hours. Write it on a sticky note where you see it daily, in the shower or driving and every time your mind defaults to “Why isn’t this happening?”, consciously redirect your brain to answer your new high-value question instead.
Resources and Links
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