100. What does it really feel like to navigate a pregnancy when you’re finally past the “geriatric” labels and into the home stretch? Join us for a powerful global roundtable as four women share the raw, real-time reality of being pregnant in their 40s—from 15-year journeys of faith to the shock of a surprise natural conception.
To celebrate our milestone 100th episode, we are doing something different: hearing from women who are in the thick of it right now. Join host Jamie Massey as she sits down with four incredible women—Sarah (44), Johanne (44), Bidi (43), and Katie (46)—for a global roundtable discussion on the raw, real-time experience of being pregnant in your 40s. From Scotland to the U.S., these women pull back the curtain on what it actually feels like to navigate “advanced maternal age” before the baby arrives.
This episode explores the vast spectrum of the “Over 40” pregnancy experience, including Johanne’s 15-year journey of faith and six embryo transfers, Sarah and Katie’s empowering paths with donor eggs, and Bidi’s total shock at conceiving naturally at 43. We dive deep into the topics rarely discussed in clinical settings: the “mental scramble” of shifting your identity, navigating birth plans like VBACs and delayed cord clamping, and the resilience required to manage physical hurdles like grapefruit-sized fibroids. This isn’t just a collection of success stories; it’s a masterclass in persistence and a reminder that you are never alone in this community.
About the Guests
Sarah (44) is currently experiencing what she describes as a “dream” pregnancy in Scotland. Despite navigating the presence of a grapefruit-sized fibroid, Sarah’s journey into motherhood after 40 was made possible through the decision to use donor eggs. She brings a perspective of gratitude and ease to the discussion, sharing how she has embraced the beauty of her pregnancy while managing the clinical realities of advanced maternal age.
Connect with Sarah:
Instagram: @tobermorystores
Bidi (43) is a former digital nomad whose journey took a surprising turn when she conceived naturally just two months after moving in with her partner. Her story highlights the “shock” and transition that comes with unexpected success in your 40s. Bidi discusses the “mental scramble” of shifting from a nomad lifestyle to preparing for motherhood, providing a relatable look at how identity can shift during a surprise pregnancy.
Connect with Bidi:
Instagram: @_the_running_nomad
Katie (46) is a returning guest who brings her experience of navigating a second pregnancy over 40. Now preparing for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) following a previous C-section, Katie discusses the nuances of birth plans and advocacy within the medical system. Her journey, which also involved the use of donor eggs, offers a grounded perspective on balancing past medical experiences with new hopes for her upcoming birth.
Connect with Katie:
Instagram: @swashbuckle78
Johanne (44) joins the roundtable to share her profound 15-year journey of faith and perseverance. After navigating a decade and a half of fertility hurdles, including six embryo transfers and a significant myomectomy to remove fibroids, Johanne is now six months pregnant. Her story is a powerful testament to the spiritual and emotional resilience required to stay the course through a long-term fertility journey.
Connect with Johanne:
Instagram: @johannepwilson
Book: Selah by Johanne Wilson
Key Topics
- Diverse Paths to Success: A deep dive into four unique journeys, including natural conception at 43, donor egg success at 44 and 46, and a 15-year marathon of faith and perseverance.
- The Physical Reality of 40+ Pregnancy: Honest conversation about managing grapefruit-sized fibroids, navigating “advanced maternal age” protocols, and the literal (and figurative) heartburn of the third trimester.
- Medical Advocacy & Birth Plans: Discussing the specifics of C-section recovery, the decision to pursue a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), and the importance of delayed cord clamping.
- The Identity Shift: Addressing the “mental scramble” of losing your identity, shifting from a nomad lifestyle, and preparing for motherhood after years of waiting.
- Proving the Labels Wrong: How these women moved past the “geriatric” and “high-risk” stigma to focus on the beauty and intentionality of their pregnancies.
Resources & Links
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Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
Transcript
Jamie: ladies, welcome to the show.
Katie: Thank you.
Bidi: Thank you. Yeah.
Jamie: And today we have three ladies on F, Sarah, Joanna, and Katie. They are all pregnant. This is our hundredth episode, and we are gonna be talking all things pregnancy today. And so we’ve talked a little bit before we started recording, but we have about 20 ish questions that we’re gonna try and get answered. We’re gonna be answering them and have conversations about it. But before we get started, ladies, can you go around and tell a little bit about yourself? Betty, would you like to start?
Bidi: I’m Betty. I’m from Portugal, but I live in Croatia with my partner. This is our first child. It’s a pretty funny story, and I think I’m a web designer and a blogger, like I’m shifting right now my career to become a writer and more of a content creator in this tech. I’m a week 29.
And if you’ll see me doing this because I have serious heartburn, like eating yogurt like eating yogurt before eating. Any tips are welcome. Yogurt, cucumbers. Give it to me.
Jamie: Sarah, you wanna go next?
Sarah: Yeah. I’m Sarah. I’m pregnant with 33 weeks with my first it has taken us 10 years to get here, so I’m so grateful. Yeah, my husband and own a shop. It’s a deli that I own.
Jamie: You know what we haven’t answered is how old you are.
Sarah: Oh, I’m 44.
Jamie: But how old are you?
Sarah: 44. 43.
Jamie: Okay. Awesome. And Katie?
Katie: I’m the oldest. I’m 46. About to turn 47 a week six days time.
Bidi: Oh, congrats.
Katie: Thank you. I’m pregnant with my second. I have a little girl that’s three years, five months that I had when I was 43. And this is baby number two, the final baby, and it’s going to be a boy. He’s due on the 3rd of October.
Jamie: Congratulations ladies. That’s awesome. Katie is actually a returning guest, so you are one of the few guests that are coming on a second time, which is super fun.
Katie: Yes. The journey of the first pregnancy is was a long one. Journey of the second pregnancy is an even longer one.
Jamie: Oh gosh. You wanna start off with that? What has your journey looked like getting pregnant for the second time, katie?
Katie: IVF both times. The first time was first embryo transferred was a success. So I think I went into the second expecting it to be as straightforward and unfortunately it wasn’t.
Obviously making the decision to go for a second, knowing that I was going to be over the 45 ish mark was the first hurdle. And then obviously choosing the way that we would do it. So it was through donor eggs, so we had to make the decision about where we were gonna go. So that took some time contemplating the fact that obviously it wasn’t gonna be the same donor.
‘Cause we had only had one successful, we had to go for new ones ’cause we only had one successful embryo. So first time was one shot or nothing.
And luckily it was the one shot. This time round we got three embryos and the first two failed. I look back and thought I wasn’t gonna bother with, I wasn’t gonna go through it again, I wasn’t gonna put myself through it. I believe I was probably going through perimenopause symptoms at the time as well. My periods were all over the place trying to coordinate it. So it took about 15 months in total. We found out on Christmas Eve that we, the second transfer had failed.
Jamie: Oh.
Katie: And I was obviously devastated because I was trying to make my daughter have a lovely Christmas. But then it was a case of if I’m doing it, I’m doing it now. On Boxing Day, I started my meds again. Rang the fertility clinic and said, it’s happening now. I’m just going for it because in a way, I wanted it to be over. So it wasn’t a, knowing that there was an embryo there to transfer and then wondering if I ever should or would or coulda.
But it was a lot different. And I actually tested, you’re not meant to test, but I tested at the 10th day, saw the little pink line and I was like, the light pink line. I was like, did I do that right? I’ll test again tomorrow. So I tested for three days before my official test. And when I went to the clinic and said, I’ve tested and it’s positive, they were like it’s definitely positive then don’t, you don’t even have to wait for your blood results. So that was an amazing phone call to get when you know you’re already pregnant to be told you’re pregnant. Yes. By your fertility clinic.
Jamie: Yeah.
Katie: So yeah. And then to find out we were having a little boy as well. So we’ve got a girl and a boy. It just felt like it was meant to be.
Jamie: That’s great.
Katie: And my daughter is so excited to be a big sister.
Jamie: Yeah. And to do with donor eggs again, with a second donor. That’s, yeah. That’s really great. Yeah. Yeah. Joanna, welcome to the show.
Johanne: Hi, how are you guys?
Jamie: Good. Hello. Would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself?
Johanne: Joanne Wilson’s the name and I am calling in from south Florida. Me in an area called Hollywood. And I’m 44 and six months pregnant.
Jamie: Wonderful. And is this your first child also? Yes. Awesome. So everybody, this is your first child except for Katie. Congratulations.
Johanne: Thank you.
Jamie: Sarah, would you like to tell us how your journey looked? Getting pregnant?
Sarah: Yeah. So it was 10 years. It was unexplained infertility for eight of those years and not really very helpful from the UK medical board . Then we hit, obviously we had COVID within that time, so all our clinics were shut down.
And then when we got back into things reopening and such, I’d missed the deadline for nHS IVF because they cut us off at 42. So we decided to go private. We tried one round with my own eggs, which was unsuccessful. It was chemical. And then we decided that we would do donut eggs, and we had four viable embryos.
The first two failed. And then this is the third. And thankfully as taken and taken so well touch wood. This has just been a wild ride to get here. My smile says it all now, but trust me, I’ve been sat rocking, crying as well. At times as we all know it is a very hard journey.
Jamie: Yeah. Congratulations again. Lucky number three.
Sarah: Yeah.
Jamie: Betty, what about you? What was your journey like to pregnancy?
Bidi: Okay. It’s weird, I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for three years. He’s 57 now. He got his, he has his birthday in July and we were on and off for several years because I was a digital nomad for many years and I was traveling and coming back and forth his Croatian and then we say, okay let’s move in together, and I’m 43. We moved in last Christmas.
We just never did anything. We just, old fashioned way. And my birthday, February, I turned 43 and I was late and I was like, okay, maybe, because we were looking at each, we never even talked about it. And it was like, he’s 57, I’m 43, it’s like the end of the road. I’m okay with not having kids. I climbed the Kilimanjaro, I did some crazy stuff. I was a digital moment. I was prepared for not having kids in my life. And I old fashioned way, it took us like, I dunno, like two months of just having can I say sex?
Jamie: Sure. Yeah. On the air. That’s awesome. Only two months. Wow.
Bidi: Yeah. And then yeah, I got I arrived at the day before Christmas and in February and late, like end of February, I was late and that’s it.
Jamie: Wow. Joanna, what about you?
Johanne: I’m on the other end of that spectrum, it’s been a 15 year journey. Oh. And after just 15 years of believing and not losing hope and trusting God, it’s been finally, this was the time, interestingly enough I never got a diagnosis from any doctor saying I was infertile.
It just wasn’t happening. Tried all kinds of procedures from I UIs I even did like a a massage thing where this random local naturalist came and did just a massage in that area. And it was just like, okay, then we’re gonna do that. From like medical to holistic to natural. And then finally IVS was the last stop. And, we tried many years to avoid that, IVF just seems like the extreme.
And so we went there finally. And so the first time we did IVF , they offer different packages and things like that. And so I was like, all right, we’re just gonna go ahead and get the single package, ’cause it is gonna be a one shot deal and we’re done. And and I’m like, of course it’s gonna work.
And so we did that. We got that one shot deal and, thought everything was all good until it wasn’t, did not work. Devastated, spent all that money, insurance didn’t cover it, all that. And so it took a while before we went back on that journey and we did. And this time I was like, all right, I guess we should get the package, the unlimited package.
And we had five embryos there, which was really, hopeful. And first one, nothing didn’t work. Second one didn’t work. Third one, and mind you we’re, it’s really the fourth one. Fourth one. Finally we get the call that I’m pregnant. So that was like, the first time ever hearing that.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Johanne: In my life and just, super, just so happy. And I believe that was like maybe three or four years ago. And and so was going through that process, super excited. Three weeks in miscarriage. I’m sitting at my boutique at the time, I had a fashion boutique working per usual. Didn’t feel right. Went to the bathroom and that was, that, didn’t know that was the end of it, but called the doctor saying, bathroom trip was not normal. I knew something, just it did not feel right, rushed home, and then rushed to the doctor, and he confirmed that there was nothing there.
So basically I had miscarried. To experience that is like one of the most devastating things. A death of a loved one is usually at the top of the list of devastating life experiences, but a miscarriage. I think what makes that even worse is the hope. The hope is just knocked from your being and you don’t expect it.
Went through that, took a minute took a while to go back on the journey, but we did, and went ahead and did the four, the fifth transfer. By this time, and again, I get the good news, it’s interesting that we didn’t celebrate as much because what, we were bracing ourselves like, okay we’ll see if this one works.
And it’s so hard to not allow yourself to be happy and celebrate, right? So the worry was something else. You just don’t know you’re too scared to even be happy.
Jamie: Yeah.
Johanne: Four weeks in, we lost that one as well. We just talked to our doctor and I was just like, is there anything different that we need to do for this last one, I had one more embryo left because I was like, I’m not gonna just go into it. And then we didn’t do anything different. And so found out that I had fibroids and I and the doctor said that the fibroids were inconsequential. Basically they weren’t big enough to raise any concerns, so they never dealt with it. But the crazy thing I never heard anything about that. No one ever pointed them out big or small. This is the first time I’m ever hearing about fibro. I’m like, what? I think it would’ve been great to know that,
Jamie: right?
Johanne: So that I could have, made a decision. Yeah.
Jamie: So what happened?
Johanne: I told him, take ’em out. I want them removed. I’m not gonna, we’re not gonna do this transfer again while we with these fibroids. So I did I got a myectomy and removed them. It was about four of them. And then waited for the healing process probably about a year.
And then we did the final embryo transfer. And this is the one that I’m still, I’m six months pregnant now. It’s far farthest we’ve ever gotten.
Jamie: Wow. Lucky number six.
Johanne: Yeah, number six. And it’s just been a beautiful pregnancy so far. And at 44, I’m just like. I’m thinking, how could this be so good? And every day I’m bracing myself. I’m like, is this gonna be like this? Because it’s just been such a blessing.
Jamie: Yeah. Now you waited a year to heal. Was that the doctor’s recommendation or was this that what you wanted to do?
Johanne: It was me and i one there, there’s a healing process. So the healing process is six months. But also I had to prepare my hearts spiritually. And so it was like when God says, yes, this is the time. That’s just when it happened.
Jamie: That’s awesome. I feel like once we’re not pregnant anymore, once we give birth, we have rose colored glasses on about the pregnancy. So tell me, do you like being pregnant?
Bidi: I am confused, I don’t know if I like it or not. It’s that’s okay. I know I know I had a miracle. Like everybody I was talking to about was like, are you for real? The doctor going short, because I thought, I’m going to check for me for perimenopause. Okay. I went because I was late. And ever since it was pretty easygoing, like aside from mild symptoms, no nausea I gained weight. Not too much. I’m still very active. I do a lot of sports. So physically I’m really healthy. Mentally, I’ve lost my identity. I don’t know who I am anymore, and my brain is an ble. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m, I don’t know what will, I’m like, it’s like I’m standing in front of a cliff in front of a, a black, this is my first childhood some, a black valley in front of me that I don’t know what will happen.
I don’t know who I am, how well I be. I didn’t like, I’m looking at you, gar you girls, and I’m like, excited. I’m excited with you. But I never had that excitement. Like I’m like. Yeah, sure. Let’s go. I don’t know, an adventure.
Jamie: Yeah
Bidi: I’m quite in shock. I have to tell, like I have to admit.
So I was the same way
Jamie: I spent the whole pregnancy, just not really positive I was gonna get there, so I understand that completely.
Johanne: I love hearing her because one minute,
Jamie: it’s so honest,
Johanne: right? And she’s talking about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and this is the thing that is, scary or surprising , that’s such a funny contrast, or an experience.
Bidi: I was a solo female traveler for six years on my own in East Africa, in South America, in Central Asia, in places that are not so commonly toured. Some are very toured. Th that was courageous. This, now I don’t know how to cope with it even, I, I dunno. But everybody’s so proud of my partner.
If you wanna ask me something, honest, if I may it’s a patriarch society, so whenever we tell people that, now they see it or whatever. But before that, when we were announcing it and telling it like oh, go, you go. Even you’re really cool because you’re 57, you’re the hero here.
I’m here like being pregnant and I got the, miracle, beating biology. But he’s the good, you knocked her up at 57, good for you guy. You know that, and so he’s the one getting all the pat in the back and all the, and I’m like. Guys, what?
Jamie: I’m working hard over here.
Bidi: Yeah.
Katie: The men have to do, maximum what, eight minutes of work?
Sarah: Yeah. When he’s,
Katie: it’s a couple of minutes if that, isn’t it.
Jamie: That’s funny. Katie, what about you? Do you like being pregnant?
Katie: Because my last pregnancy, I didn’t even think about anything going wrong from the minute I was pregnant. I was just like, it’s happening. But this pregnancy I did have bleeding in the first few weeks. Then I found out I had a hematoma and then it was, like I was getting scanned every two weeks.
So I was, I couldn’t relax into it for a good while, until we passed the 13 week mark. Then I started to feel a little bit more comfortable. And then I promised myself that I was gonna enjoy this pregnancy more and then I, take some time out with just me and him and talk to him and all of that.
And it just hasn’t happened. I think it’s harder when you’ve got a 3-year-old that also needs your attention. When I was looking at the, for the photos to send, I was like, not only is there very few photos of us three as a family, there’s also very few photos of me pregnant. So I’m like, I need to take some photos for the last three weeks of my pregnancy.
’cause I’ve been taking like, shots that are showing the development, but obviously not ones that I can share on Instagram. So I was like, I haven’t done what I said I was gonna do. And actually enjoy it more because I know that this is the last one and I’m lucky to be here again.
I wanted to put a lot more effort into it, but it’s been a completely different pregnancy. And like now at the later stages, I’m getting the Braxton Hicks or Branston Hicks as my daughter calls him. I’ve been in and out of the maternity Assessment Center last week with worries that I was in early labor.
He hadn’t turned. Now he has turned. So he is really putting me through the ringer. So it is more of the worry now coming towards the end stage. I know I’m at a good place, but then obviously there’s, the issues around the birth. So it’s a bit more stressful, I think.
Jamie: Yeah.
Katie: That I wanted it to be. I had very good visions of it being a dream, listening to music and rubbing my belly, and that’s just not happened.
Jamie: Joanna, what about you? Do you like being pregnant?
Johanne: I do my, the first three and a half months were very unexpected though. ‘Cause a doctor put me on bedrest and interestingly my IVF doctor did not suggest that. But I was also going to another doctor who she’s does Chinese medicine and things like that. So she put me on the bedrest and I decided to listen to her just because I’ve been listening to the IVF doctor for all these other ones.
So three and a half months in bed sounds nice or, for a person like that was a nightmare. But, I did find I did end up writing a book about my experience, so that was really nice.
Jamie: Oh, nice.
Johanne: Then for the months when I was out of quarantine that is it’s been great. I feel great and I will say this, I feel sexy, love. I like that I hope that doesn’t go away. My husband’s really loving it and probably contributing to how I feel about myself. That’s my honest to God truth.
I feel like my skin is softer. People are super nice and everybody wants to do everything for you, and I’m like.
Jamie: Bring it.
Johanne: Okay. And I’m very independent, but it is nice to have people, open doors and carry stuff for you all the time.
Jamie: Yeah. I commend you for writing a book.
Like how productive of you to be on bedrest and write a book at the same time?
Johanne: The funny thing is that the book is about rest, and the book is about my laying down my usual desire and need to be productive. So that was like, that’s the funny thing. So even as I was writing it and I didn’t intend to even make it a book for anyone to even, not even a book. It was really journaling. It’s all about Sabbath rest and my story of pregnancy woven throughout it.
Jamie: Oh, that’s great. I love that. Sarah, what about you? Do you like being pregnant?
Sarah: Absolutely love it. Absolutely love it. And I didn’t think that I it’s not that I wouldn’t love it, but with what it took for me to get here, I thought the whole pregnancy would be rife with problems and Joanna, I’ve got a fibroid, that’s the elephant in the room. It is on the back wall of my womb and it’s the size of a grapefruit. They couldn’t, by the time they found it, it was a full hysterectomy. If I wanted to get rid of it, they couldn’t remove it without too big a risk to my life. Because I wasn’t done at that point with the IVF, we just said, we just have to go with it and see what happens. So that’s there. When she kicks it or she is near it, I can feel it, it is.
Johanne: Oh wow.
Sarah: It’s quite painful. But no, pregnancy for me has been an absolute dream.
Johanne: Wow.
Sarah: I haven’t had any morning sickness. I haven’t gained really an ounce of weight.
I have been active. I train a few times a week with a personal trainer and I’m quite active in my job. I think I could do with your book as well to say how to stop and slow down ’cause that’s the one thing that everybody’s been going at mix. I’ve still been working hard in the shop ’cause when you’re self-employed you have to keep going. Yep. And so I’ve just gone, and now I’d say I’m slowing down a little bit because I’m being pushed. I’m getting towards the end and now I’m also thinking. Not regretting at all, but wishing that maybe I had stopped a little bit sooner, because I just absolutely love the feeling of being pregnant.
I sit there at night and just watch my stomach move and my husband will be like, are you watching this? Of whatever we’ve got on the television? I’m like, I have the best show because the baby’s moving. And because I just never thought that I would be in this situation. When I was saying about the embryos as well and the, the second donor was I was pregnant and we miscarried.
And what you were saying there, Joanna as well, is the fact that you get into a position where you think you’ve been through hell and then all of a sudden you get that positive pregnancy test and you think this is it. We’ve made it, we’ve done it. And then the cruelty is that you’ve still got to then head into that miscarriage club and it is heartbreaking.
Johanne: Yeah.
Sarah: And so I think I just, I’m quite a positive person in life anyway. And so even after the last 10 years of the grief that I’ve been through, I found life positive. I love where I live. I love what I do, my friends, my family, and I’ve applied that to the pregnancy, I think. And as a result, I have just all loved it.
To the point I’m actually quite a little bit disappointed it is coming to a close ’cause I’ve like really enjoying it. But yeah, I’ve just, it’s, the symptoms haven’t been there. And I thought, yeah, like I say, I thought I’d be absolutely right with them. I’d be back and forth to clinics, every movement, everything that twined, I thought I’d be, oh no, what’s happening panicking. And I just haven’t, my husband has, but I haven’t I’ve just really enjoyed it and I really, yeah, I’m looking, I’m sad that it’s coming towards the end, but also looking forward to the after as well. So it’s it, the fibroids just behaving every time we go for the scan everything.
They just keep saying, oh, she’s perfect. She’s doing really well, she’s looking really well. She’s growing so healthily and I just can’t ask for anything better. So I’ve had. I love it. As for this one, I’ve just loved it. I’ve really think it’s the best thing in the world.
Jamie: That’s awesome.
Sarah: I’m just so super grateful, I think.
Jamie: Yeah. I love that. Now what about, let’s talk about your birth plan. Joanne, you wanna talk about your birth plan?
Johanne: Sure. I actually did it this past week or started work working on it. We hired a doula. What’s really fun is that my OB is my cousin. So it’s not just ’cause she’s family, she’s brilliant. And then find out that I have another cousin that’s a doula. So I was like, okay, I’m gonna hire my, we’re gonna do this as a family. So my cousin’s my doula, she’s amazing. And she’s doing, helping me with the birth plan what’s on it, some of the things that that we talked through were I think one of the most in interesting things that I had no idea about. ‘Cause this is my first time was the cord. And cord blood, which that’s a whole thing which I’m just learning about and how you can get, you can select on your birth plan or put it on your birth plan to do delayed cord cutting. So I want that. And for those that don’t know what that is just, it allows. All of the blood to flow to the baby. ‘Cause a lot of times they’ll cut it too early and then, there’s all kind of theories about what happens to the blood and what people, what they do with it.
But I want all the blood to go to the baby. So that’s a thing. Put that on the birth plan. Another important thing that I included was the vaccines and shots and I gels things that they put on the baby that I don’t want that personal choice. I know that’s a very personal thing.
Jamie: What about being induced?
Are you okay with being induced?
Johanne: I have to do a C-section.
Jamie: Okay.
Johanne: Because of the fibroid removal that was done anytime you get a puncture or any kind of surgery to that puncture your uterus. You have to go c-section because the risk is that it’ll, the wound will open up. And so I don’t think that, that’s for me or I, indu induction’s not an option for me.
Jamie: Sure.
Johanne: I think for what related to c-sections they ask you if you want your hands one hand free. So that’s on my birth plan. Because when you’re doing a C-section, they want you really still, so they tie your hands down. And so you can request to have one hand free so that when the baby is born, you can hold the baby for the skin to skin moment.
So I put that on there. I put the golden hour moment on there, which is that they stay on you for the first hour. So they really get that connection. And then also included that if I am too all over the place or not able to do the skin to skin, that my husband would be able to do it. So that’s on there. There’s all the fluffy stuff, like what do you want the room to smell like and all that.
Jamie: Can I music?
Johanne: Can I have music? So all that stuff is there. And then I want the doula in the room, so I put that on there. But that’s just based on whatever the anesthesiologist decides ’cause the area in which. The space in which they would occupy that area belongs to the anesthesiologist so that’s a thing. But so we find out on the day of whether or not the doula will be allowed to be in there. And then the other thing that was interesting is you choose whether or not you want the clear
Jamie: Yes.
Johanne: Like a clear cloth or what is that called? It is either you get the blue one or the clear one so you could see everything that’s happening. Right now I’ve chosen, I would not like to see it all. So maybe that’ll change later. I don’t know.
Jamie: Yeah.
Johanne: Okay. So those are just some of the things that are on my birth plan.
Jamie: Nice. Katie, are you back?
Katie: I also had a bi myectomy and had a fibroid removed 11 years ago. Unrelated to pregnancy. And for my first pregnancy, I was told a c-section was the only option so that’s what I went. But this time I’ve done a lot more research around having a vbac which for those of you that don’t know, a vaginal birth after C-section. And it’s really important to me to try for that and put myself in every position possible to be able to do it.
C-section is gonna be my last option. I’m gonna go induction before C-section. Again, I don’t ideally want that. Obviously being older, the advanced maternal age, my doctor is pushing for me not to go over, she said 39 weeks, but I got out of that by saying, that’s my birthday. Who wants to give birth on their birthday?
Let’s push it a few days. And then I’ve managed to get it booked in for the 1st of October. But I’m pushing it. I’m going back and saying, now we’re doing it on my due date. And then I’m going for stretch and sweeps leading up to it from day to nine weeks. I’m gonna do miles circuit, I’m gonna do curb walking, I’m going to do colostrum harvesting.
I’m gonna try absolutely everything to get this baby to come out the natural way before I have to be put into the induction process. But again, doing my research is, it’s my choice. Obviously I want him to come out healthy, but I can refuse. And a friend of mine who’s pregnant in her forties as well, has just said, you decide if if you feel happy to go over for 40 weeks and just keep trying for the spontaneous birth, then that’s what you tell them.
That’s your choice. Obviously medical professionals are gonna tell you the risks, but the risks are only ever like very small. And when they say risk doubles, they mean it goes from 1% to 2%. So it is they don’t tell you the full truth about it. And I’ve joined a VBAC group on Facebook and I’m hearing all these amazing VBAC stories. So that’s what I’m trying to manifest for myself.
Jamie: Yeah. I can’t wait to hear how it goes. Yeah. Sarah, what about you? What are you planning for your birth?
Sarah: I’m Plan C-section. So her birthdate should be the 22nd of October. That’s when we’re booked in, we’re ready to go. I live on an island in Scotland and we generally have to be off the island two weeks before our due date so that we are near a hospital ’cause there’s no way to give birth here unless. It happens and happens quickly. So I need to be off the island on the 15th. I’ll go and stay in a Airbnb. And then my C-sections booked for the 22nd. She’s currently very breach and she’s not moving from that position. She’s Frank Breach which she sits right up high as well.
But we don’t care because obviously she’s coming out c-section and I haven’t really, I’ve just always said that I was just never gonna be that difficult customer, if you like. And what they tell me is what I trust in. And so they tell me I’ll be week 39 when I have the section.
And that’s because I’ve changed hospitals from the one that I was going to originally. And originally the first one, the consultant said that I could have the baby at week 38. But when we went for our 12 week scan, she measured 13 weeks because my egg donor and my husband are quite tall. She’s very much on the healthier side of size and weight already. And but she measured 13 weeks, which we couldn’t physically possibly be because obviously IVF,
Jamie: you know exactly the date.
Sarah: So I’ve lost that week in pregnancy there. And then if I’d had her at 38, it would’ve meant really as pregnancy goers, me having her at week 37. So this new consultants put me to week 39, which I’m much happier about. Just that she’s got that extra week incubation time. I have said that if I go into natural labor and she moves, then we’ll try it. I’m not against it, but at this moment in time, it’s just all very regiment planned. And I go off file and have the baby hopefully back two days.
The keep is me in hospital two days and then I’ll be back with her. Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah, I said about music in the room, my music taste is so wide that I’m not gonna know what I want to listen to on the day. And so I’m like maybe not for music and stuff like that.
And obviously it’s a spinal that I’ll get rather than an epidural to numb the area. And thankfully because the fibroids not in the way, they can just go straight in. They don’t envisage any problems. So that’s just what we’re doing. So that’s just what’s gonna be.
And the delayed cord clamping, I’m in two mines at the minute because of the, how you can bank the cord as well. So I’m still researching, doing the research on that as to whether I want to bank it or whether to allow the co, delayed cord comp and I’m still debating that. But everything will just go with the flow.
The whole pregnancy’s been like that, so why not the birth as well.
Jamie: Yeah. Awesome. Betty, why don’t you tell us what your birth plan is like?
Bidi: I’ve been researching I also haven’t had a decision about the bank, the cord I’ve been reading about it. I am asking myself like I, a friend of mine told me listen and she has a 2-year-old toddler. She still remembers. She said, you plan whatever you plan. I planned of bringing incense and stuff and music and then I had an emergency C-section and whatever, and, it was okay. Plan, whatever you plan, and then, reality will hit in your face or something like that.
So but my aim is to do it as natural as possible. I do a lot of mobility exercises and eating dates and whatever, trying to stay as healthy as possible. On the one hand I was researching about if I can bring food or not to the delivery room, because I’m thinking about dude, this is like five, six hours work, I’ll be hungry.
And basically my main concern is the fact that, as I mentioned earlier, I moved here to Croatia. I speak the language pretty basic, and I’m worried that the nurses and the midwives and the people around me don’t speak English well. They don’t speak neither Portuguese or Spanish. Of course not.
So that’s not happening. So how will I communicate in times of stress and in the times of whatever, and I’m not even sure that I want my partner in or I’m still thinking about it like he wants to be in super involved, but I’m like, I don’t know. This is I don’t know. Yeah. This is scary because I read a lot about this is going to be smelly and hardcore and with a lot of fluids and a lot of drama and a lot of,
Jamie: what an interesting problem to have that language barrier.
Bidi: It makes you wonder because you’re all going to the place that you will communicate with the people that you know, with the service providers and the midwives and the nurses and the doctors. And I’m like barely communicating. I communicate pretty basic with my own doctor today with my own BYOG.
Wow. A lot of Google translate.
Jamie: Oh, I could just picture you having a super quick birth, I hope. Yeah. Crossing
Bidi: my fingers.
Jamie: Yeah. Okay. Now are you don’t wanna be induced, you want no medication? Can you do a water birth there?
Bidi: No, and I was researching about that and about home birth and water, birth and I’m an endurance. Like I’m I did four marathons alongside all my adventures. Like I did a lot of and trail running and I’m ready for the pain. That not what scares me. Like it’s a positive train. It, like I’m okay. I’m thinking about can we have sex before? That’s what, in my mind because I read that is really good for induced, like, how can we make it fun, natural, as natural as possible.
And my main concern is that I’m talking to you right now, and then reality will hit my face and God, what will happen? And I’m like. And no I prefer to avoid drugs and as much as possible.
Jamie: Yeah. I hope you get that ’cause that’s exactly what I wanna do. Okay. What do we like least about pregnancy? What are your troubles? Who wants to start with this? Joanne, do you wanna start with that one?
Johanne: Sure. What do I like least is the not knowing. So I always love going to my visits ’cause I’m like, all right, I got to quiet all of my worries. So not knowing is the baby. Okay. Is maybe even like growing. I’m six months in and I feel like I look at other people that are as far along or even less than, five months or whatever.
And they’re showing I, I’m showing a little bit. So I get, I, I feel like the bump isn’t bumping enough and and so it makes me question if everything is okay. I remember one time I had a day where like the thoughts were just spiraling out of control and, going to the negative places, which I’m not usually like that, but I just started thinking about the worst and just throughout the day. And then I felt a nudging to just sit down. And so I sat and I laid on the couch. This was probably about four, five months in. So I laid down on the couch and then just within a few minutes then I feel a pushing, on my stomach. That was the first time I ever felt the baby move. Aw. And when I tell you of course I start sobbing and just, just thanking, God, that everything is okay. It was almost like that was the moment. ’cause I spent the whole day worrying and just picturing just the worst. And it was like, that moment was just for me to calm down and say, let me know that everything was okay.
So I think that the worst part is when you worry because you don’t know what’s going on inside. And I think that’s for me and I too there’s, so far I haven’t experienced like all the morning sickness and all that crazy stuff, so it’s the mental, it’s the mental part that’s not easy.
Jamie: Yeah, definitely. Sarah, you wanna go next? What do you like least about pregnancy?
Sarah: Probably the heart bin. If there, if I’ve had one symptom and because she sits so far up, there was a point around seven, six and a half to seven months, I could only have one meal a day. There was there’s, I couldn’t get anything more in because she just sat there and just pushed everything up.
And I pop Reis, like they’re just sweets. They’re the main food source at the minute. But yeah, I’d say that’s the only thing. As I’m getting a little bit further on now, if I have a heavy day, I can feel like the round ligament pain in my hips. So I’m getting that little bit on harder days. I would say that’s, that is my worst my worst one there.
With what Joanne’s just said there as well, is that I’ve had two days, so there’s been the odd spikes in days where we’ve had worries and I’ve had two days where I’ve been back over to the hospital for them to check. Her movement because it had slowed down. And ironically, it was on my, it was on days where I was very stressed within my work or what I was doing and the surroundings that I’d got going on. And those were her quietest days. And she’s not a big mover anyway. She’s not I only have three times a day where she’ll just move a little bit for me. She’s not a big active baby, but yes, it was the stress of my surroundings and every day there that made her go really quiet. Yeah. So we had to go and get a checked and she was fine. Like I say, every time it’s great news. But yeah that they were two stressful times. And I caused them so made me feel a little bit guilty.
But then changed it. But yeah. Other than heartburn I wouldn’t say that I’ve had any.
Jamie: Not bad at all.
Sarah: I feel really guilty at times when you hear about everybody else’s flights and you think, oh gosh, yeah, it sounds really bad and I’m there. Or this is great.
Johanne: The heartburn, can we talk about heart like this heartburn is no joke.
Jamie: It sure is.
Johanne: No, it’s terrible. No, it’s no joke
Sarah: until you get it. When if you lay in bed and you sleep and you wake up in the morning and when you first sit up, there’s just the agony there. The, I’m just like, I think with a bottle of water is at the side of the bed as well.
Bidi: Yeah. But I even on my left, I cannot find a good posture anymore. Wow. And the, I feel like my stomach is somewhere here. Is here. Like it’s here and it, and when you turn, I dunno, I, yeah, I agree with you on the heartburn but but I have to say that mentally. I cannot control my emotions anymore.
Jamie: Oh,
Bidi: I can get panic. I can get paranoia like that, what you’re describing, that para, I had some really disturbing thoughts sometimes at times that I didn’t expect. We had sex and I burst into tears. Oh. In an after an I can’t, like after an I don’t know after an orgasm. I know it sounds weird.
Sometimes I’m like, wake up in the mornings, super motivated, super happy, and an hour later I’m like, oh, I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate I am I think I, I’m like, physically I’m okay, but mentally because I work out less than before. I don’t run anymore because because I, they told me like I, I should, lay, not do 10 ks and long distance running, which I used to do.
So I feel that I have less adrenaline or less dopa, like less, the chemicals of activity. I only do CrossFit like weightlifting. So I think that my emotions and my A DHD and everything is like surfing up and I cannot control it. And I don’t know if this is hormones, this is me. Is it me? Is it who, who is like.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bidi: And where am I becoming?
Katie: I get the hormonal emotion is I’m not a, a big crier. My sisters cry all the time. It’s just not something that I do. But during this pregnancy, and I didn’t really notice it with the first is that I’m just like, I took my daughter to the park and this little girl wouldn’t play with her. And I was in floods of tears going, this is so unfair. And I’m like, you’re being ridiculous. But I just couldn’t stop the tears coming. And then, even earlier on today, I was having a little cry at something and I was like, what’s wrong with me? You just can’t control it.
I think my least favorite thing is the getting out of breath.
I walk to the top of the stairs and then I’m panted and I have to sit down. And then if I’m talking, I feel like I’m always out of breath when I’m having conversations with people ’cause you just feel constantly like you have to take in big breaths. And I find that really frustrating. So that’s got me these last few weeks definitely. Especially when I’m running up and down the stairs. ’cause I’ve forgotten something and it’s just oh, I can’t even face that hill now. I don’t want to go up the stairs to get whatever it is. I’ve forgotten.
Johanne: How far are you again?
Katie: 37 weeks.
Johanne: I don’t know what that means. How many months is that?
Katie: Eight.
Johanne: Oh, that’s eight months. Okay, so that’s, yeah, i’m ge I’m still getting used to counting by weeks. I’m sorry.
Katie: No, it get, it gets harder. She’s weigh, he’s weighing in at six pound, 11 ounces at the last scan, and he’s obviously grown that was 11 days ago. So I know he is growing and right now I can’t bend, I’m in that unbendable state. So when my daughter’s laid on the floor going, put my shoes on, mommy, me, I’m like, there’s absolutely no way I’m getting down there.
Sarah: I’m 33 weeks. Sorry. I was gonna say I’m 33 weeks and mine’s weighing in at five pounds, six ounces at the minute. Yeah. I’m like, thank God she’s coming out the sunroof.
Bidi: When do they start giving you that estimate? I don’t know.
Sarah: Yeah, but they measure the femur. I think in her leg and then her stomach and her head and they plot it on in the uk they plot it on a chart so they can see where you’re meant to be at and
Johanne: at what point do they do that? How far?
Sarah: ‘Cause I’m in the uk IVF is, we get more scans. So if you are just, if you just normally fall pregnant and you just have that normal pregnancy if you like, if you can, it’s for want of a better word. You just get two scans. One, it’s 12 weeks and one at 20 weeks.
When you’re IVF, they put you through growth scans as well. And so I’ve had my 20 weeks, then I had one at 28. I’ve had one at 32. I’ve got one at 36, and then a midwife’s appointment in between them to listen to heartbeats and stuff like that. So that’s the UK way to do it when you’re IVF and that’s how they, so I get a scan I’ve got one scan left before she gets here, but
Bidi: you’re talking about ultrasound, like scan?
Sarah: Oh, ultrasound, yes.
Bidi: Oh, so I, I have one every six weeks, like five, six weeks, something like that. But they measure, okay, so they told me like in centimeters, like we use the,
Jamie: oh, the fundal height.
Bidi: So I dunno.
Sarah: Yeah, they measure it. But on our scan screens, it shows you like the weeks what she’s weighing at is weeks. So when I was there on Thursday getting my last scan they were measuring a FEMA and a fema. And I know obviously I’m 33 weeks and two days, but the measurements were showing 34 weeks and five days. And so when they’ve plotted that, it’s come that she weighs five pounds, six ounces at the minute with still weeks.
Bidi: What’s that in a kilo?
Katie: I think six pound, 11 ounces is 3.03 kilos. She did say it was, and then she convert, then she converted it. But yeah.
But my last, the last pregnancy at 1339 plus one, she was born at eight pounds, four ounces, but she was forecasted be an over nine pounder.
Johanne: Wow.
Katie: And she wasn’t but she was still a big baby. So yeah. I suppose if I’d gone full term with her then it would’ve been, she would’ve been a si. So I feel like he’s. But it’s smaller. But then he’s done a very big growth. He was measuring throughout the pregnancy on the lower end not on the worrying end, but on the lower to middle. But now he’s jumped into the 80th percentile. He’s on track to be a bit bigger.
Jamie: So that’s great.
Katie: But it’s never, it’s not a science.
It is a science, but it’s not a hundred percent predictive proof. ’cause I think lots of people’s babies don’t turn out to be the weight that they say that they’re gonna be.
Jamie: Ladies, we are running a little bit out of time. We’re gonna get to the conclusion questions. Let’s start with Sarah.
Sarah. What are we not talking about when it comes to pregnancy over 40?
Sarah: How normal is. How perfectly normal it is for us to be the age we are. I’m still pre happily pregnant. I think that I’ve experienced it all the way through my all the way through my IVF journey of being made to feel as if I’m just too old, as if even the time we attempted with my eggs you are always made to feel inadequate, too old as if it wasn’t ever gonna work. And I think that they didn’t give me the time of day because I was older. I think they always thought I was just gonna be one of their failures. ‘Cause they’ve, I think they’ve checked in once since the IVF clinic since I graduated from there at it was nine weeks when I went for the scan and they’ve checked in once.
Since just to make sure everything’s okay, to see if I’m still pregnant. And I just think that they always thought I was gonna be a failure. And so for that, I think that in a society now where we are getting older and waiting to have children and some of it is not even given the choice, it’s not like I was there through choice at that age. We are not talking about the fact that it’s perfectly normal now for us to be happy, healthy, and have healthy babies.
Jamie: Katie, what do you think? We aren’t talking about?
Katie: Yeah, so I think, when you do any research for how many women are getting pregnant over in their forties, there’s not really a lot that you can find. It was quite interesting when I went to the hospital, because obviously I knew that I’m gonna be 40 since giving birth at 47.
Obviously never expected to be that far along. But I was talking to the son, er, I can’t get that as word out. And she was like, oh no, we’ve had women in here, 47, 48. But you just don’t hear of it like, successful pregnancies and the fact that medically they say you are at high risk if you are an advanced maternal or and, or your IVF.
But I was in the hospital. I’ve been in the hospital once during this pregnancy and I’ve had no real big problems in the la the later part of it. And then I’m sat next to women who were telling me that they’re 26, 27 and they’re having all these problems. Gestational diabetes blood not flowing correctly, but they’re gonna be allowed to go natural and they’re gonna be allowed to see how it all pans out.
And it’s just, it’s, I suppose it’s it’s a bit of a hypocritical way to look at it. And I think the medical profession do need to get more on board with, the midwife has been really great in saying it’s your pregnancy. Obviously you don’t wanna put your baby at risk, but if you are comfortable, then it should be up to you what you do. And I don’t feel like the medical professional when you get to be over 40, to give you that choice. Yeah. And I’ve learned from my second pregnancy that is a choice that I didn’t know with my first. So I think it’s education as well that we lack in
Jamie: I love that. Joanne, what do you think? What are we not talking about?
Johanne: I would echo exactly the same things that Katie and Sarah said. So I guess for the sake of diversity in thought, I would say, we’re not talking about, the fun of it in, and I think it’s because of, all those things because the risks and how unusual or, that are associated with the whole being pregnant at our ages. I have just been really I, at the beginning I was apprehensive to have fun with it, and by fun just really enjoying it and even documenting it and even going to buy cute outfits and, just making it a memorable experience because it’s almost like you can lose it at any moment because of all the risks and all of this and all, and not to mention the whole IVF part of it, but I think. Like I here’s a more to paint a picture. I remember the first time that I put up a post on my social media about it, it took me days to really decide whether or not I wanted to do it, because I’m like, oh, I’m like, I’m old.
I’m gonna look like no one’s gonna care, or I’m gonna look silly because, here I am, this geriatric pregnant lady and I’m, doing the pregnancy pose and posting a picture about being pregnant. So I had to get over that. And I think maybe we were not talking enough about how, we can enjoy our pregnancies and have fun with it. Just ’cause I I’m, we’re older doesn’t mean that we can’t have that experience.
Jamie: Yeah. And now you’re thinking you’re all like, feeling sexy and stuff, so you did no, A 180,
Johanne: right?
Jamie: Yeah.
Johanne: I look like I’m one of them, but or, people don’t usually think that I’m 40 or above but I proudly wear that.
Jamie: Awesome. Good for you. Biddy, what about you? Are you ready?
Bidi: Because everything ev everything you say, everything you girls say I completely agree. I have to add. And I also think I’m, everything’s gone. Pretty simple or pretty, smooth until now. The journey went smooth till now, so I totally agree that cautious approach towards women over 40, pregnant over 40, and thinking that it’s rare and, it needs to be addressed.
But I will add to that, that the mental issue, like the I feel in the past, maybe it’s only subjective, but I feel that I’ve been stripping off of my identity because of a 40, you already have a very full life be like career achievements, your life, and now everything goes, like, where is it?
How is it going to go together? Where is it going? You both are entrepreneurs are, holding your own businesses. You have something, it’s not like a 20-year-old girl that’s just starting her life and alongside motherhood. She will build her career or whatever. And this is something that I think that is not being addressed enough.
Like I’m looking forward to the next step and how being specifically like this is a first time mom. How will it, be together with the already very fulfilled independent life that I have And so that’s my opinion on that.
Johanne: I love that.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s perfect. So our next question is, how do you think pregnancy is different over 40? Katie, you wanna start with that one?
Katie: I suppose I was never pregnant. Before 40. So I think it’s more about how you perceive other people feel towards women that are pregnant over 40, rather than them actually necessarily perceiving that. Because both my sisters were pregnant in their twenties and early thirties.
My sister has got an 18-year-old and I’ve got a 3-year-old that there’s a huge big difference. She’s coming to the point where, she’ll be going off to enjoy her, time with her husband and I’ve done built up my career. And then I’m obviously having children and taking, I wouldn’t say a backseat, slowing down on the, I’m at a comfortable place where I can stay and I don’t have to push myself forward, but I think that’s probably.
Positive, I think of being pregnant for is, you know who you are, you know what you’re about. You’ve and not that you’ve had all your life experiences, ’cause of course you haven’t, you are not worried about as much, about what other people are doing and what you’re missing out on and what you’re gonna have to give up.
The nights out the socializing, you all that kind of stuff isn’t the same when you’re in your forties and you’re settled and so I think that makes it easier. And I think as well, patience. I saw how, my friends and my siblings were with their kids and it’s always, what are they giving up?
A bit of stress about what they’re giving up for the children and things like that, whereas I’ve not, I don’t think I’ll feel that, and I haven’t felt that with my first child. It is all about her. It is all gonna all be about them, and I’ll always come second into it now, and I’m okay with that.
Jamie: That’s great. Joanne, what about you? How do you think pregnancy is different in your forties?
Johanne: I have an by the way, I have an adopted daughter, so I do have that.
Jamie: Oh, wonderful.
Johanne: Yeah, so she’s 15 now and we adopted her at four. So I do have, motherhood under the belt. I think just being pre my, I it’s not so much for me, an over 40 thing, it’s just being pregnant. My thought of how that’s different. It’s, I’m looking at it from a, like being a motherhood through adoption versus this.
Jamie: Yeah.
Johanne: And I feel what’s been different with that is the experience from the beginning and sometimes I think I think about how, what’s gonna be, how it’s gonna be different that you get to start from scratch in a way, raising a child and how different that will be.
Yeah. I don’t know what’s different. Yeah. You do know who you are and you have a better sense of how you want your kids to the kind of people that you wanna raise and how you want your kids to be. I think that, i, I live with no regret and don’t feel like I’m missing out on things and compromising who I am in order for me to have a kid.
And I think if I were to really put a nail in it for me, or just to nail it down as to what’s different is for me at this age, I know what I want and I want this child. And I think that makes a difference when you are definitive about your decision. And I think that helps you move forward with certainty and without regret.
And I think that flows to the baby and that flows to the way that you parent and the way you love your child. And I’m just so grateful. I speak so much life to my womb, and I just feel like that matters and that’s impactful. And I don’t know that I would’ve had that same sensibility if I was younger.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s great. Biddy, what about you? How do you think pregnancy is different? Over 40?
Bidi: We should celebrate our bodies. Definitely. And talking with you just reinforces that feeling like. Celebrating the win because Katie said oh, over 40, they put you in this category of kind of like high risk geriatric no. Girls. We are super capable, super strong, super aware, maybe even more aware of our bodies than we were in our twenties. Much less, feeding it with well nutritious we know what’s good for us. We know what works for us better, like what kind of movements, what kind of food, what kind we’re much more aware and much more complete with our bodies.
So I think that actually it’s a strength and it’s a virtue that makes our pregnancies over 40 probably, I don’t know, much easier or smoother. I dunno if I can use those phrases in that term, but. You all described of a good journey with mild symptoms and this is amazing and this is part of the fact that you are mature in your like, complete with your body and not having that, confusion of the twenties I remember having in my twenties, yeah. So
Jamie: I get that. Sarah, what about you? How do you think pregnancy is different over 40?
Sarah: Obviously I don’t have anything to compare it to other than my own life when I was 20 and it’s like what everybody else has said. A 20-year-old me was far more chaotic than what the 44-year-old me is. And I think that’s helped with the pregnancy, just with a whole laid back attitude of it. I say laid back and I haven’t always been, obviously because of the trepidation of the fact that you are on the back of so much grief. But yeah, I think that age is helpful as a, as an older mom simply because you’ve had such life experience and so you get to make decisions and.
You do things based on what you’ve learned in life. And so yeah, you are a bit more laid back to stuff or you understand the importance, like you busy with the exercise. Like I say, I’ve stepped, not stopped training because it’s important for body healthy eating, that kind of thing. And and even now as I head into these last few weeks, I’m now in a position where I just think I’m just gonna let it take me where it takes me now.
I’m not gonna stress about it. I’m gonna just hopefully get to the end. We’re both gonna be happy and healthy at the end of it. And everybody’s full of advice. You doom scroll through Instagram and this sort of thing. And when the algorithm switches to babies, everybody’s got a bit of advice on how to get them to sleep, how to get them to feed.
And you could just sit there and be completely overwhelmed. And I think if I was younger, I would’ve been massively overwhelmed. Whereas actually I just thought, you know what, I’m just gonna do it my way because I trust myself. And if I need help, I will ask. ‘Cause I’m old enough to know that’s maturity that I will get that help if I need it. But other than that, I’m just gonna trust myself, my older self and just do it my way and bring my child up how I want to or how we want to obviously including Andrew there.
Jamie: That’s perfect, Sarah. Now, what advice would you give other women over 40 about pregnancy? Betty, you wanna go first?
Bidi: Keep yourself healthy, treat your body like a tempo.
Jamie: That’s perfect. Sarah, what about you? What advice do you have for other women?
Sarah: I would just say enjoy it. Just embrace every part of it. We’ve possibly, we’ve waited to get to this stage. Some of us have been trying for a long time, and so to be pregnant in your forties, there’s probably a reason that you are doing it then. And so I would just just say enjoy it. Just give yourself over to it and just absolutely enjoy it.
Jamie: That’s perfect. Joanne, what about you?
Johanne: Be courageous about it and speak life over yourself. Because again, going to these appointments and things and, everybody being really forthcoming about or just throwing the risk factors in your face. And I get why I think just constantly speaking life over yourself and just being positive about it, I think matters and helps with the enjoyability factor.
Jamie: Yeah. Katie, what about you? What advice do you have for other women?
Katie: Advocate. Advocate for yourself, you’ve Sarah said if you’ve gone on a long journey to get here because you’ve been trying for a long time, or you’ve chosen to, to leave it till your forties for whatever reason, just advocate for yourself and have the pregnancy and the birth that you want. Just ’cause you’ve left it, you thought, geez, doesn’t mean you have to, rely on everything that the medical professionals are telling you. It’s your body, your pregnancy. So just enjoy it.
Jamie: Yeah. Beautiful.
Johanne: Good.
Jamie: Okay, ladies, we have fire question.
Just a yes or no question. Do you plan to have more babies in your forties? Joanne?
Johanne: Yes.
Jamie: Bitty?
Johanne: No.
Jamie: Sarah?
Sarah: No. I’m not sure at this point.
Jamie: It’s okay. Katie, what about you?
Katie: No.
Jamie: Okay. Ladies, what advice do you wanna give the women who are trying to conceive right now? Sarah, what advice do you have?
Sarah: I would say just never lose that hope. Just never lose it. Because I honestly thought at one point that I was gonna be, and my husband and I were gonna be one of those couples that never got children, and I was okay with that. I’d accepted that and, yeah, it takes over your life, but just never give up hope because, medical science is advancing all the time. And, there are ways, so just don’t give up the hope.
Jamie: Katie, what advice do you have for the woman over 40 trying to conceive?
Katie: Yeah, like I say, it’s easy to say relax, isn’t it? And don’t put too much pressure on yourself and don’t get stressed and don’t let the journey, put you down. It’s easy to say when you’re the other side of it, but it really is about looking after your body, looking after your health yourself, mentally and preparing you. ’cause it isn’t, it isn’t an easy journey for a for everyone, but it is worth it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Katie: It is worth the, when you don’t, you never for remember all of the bad parts. You remember a lot more of the good, the further along you get and that’s what you’ve got to hold onto the bad can and will just, fade away.
Jamie: Yeah. Betty, what about you? What advice do you have for the woman over 40 trying to conceive?
Bidi: There are many ways to get to the holy grail. And I love that, that. Of course, I wanna say relax, just let it go. Have you know don’t be stressed about it. And like Katie said she said it better than me, but I’m thinking about the fact that to get to motherhood, to get to pregnancy, to a successful pregnancy, I hear it from many women that I meet a lot of, most of the women that I met over 40 don’t have my story, have similar stories to you or and then donors and IVF and treatments and so there are many paths and trails to get to the peak of the mountain that you’re aiming for. And believe it that you’ll find your own path in your own way.
Jamie: I love it. Okay, ladies, we have just a few minutes. Let’s do Instagram questions. I think we’re just gonna have one answer each of these. So Joanne, because you had 15 years of a journey. How do you keep the hope?
Johanne: I can only give credit to my faith on that because God gave me a promise and I believed that promise, and I trusted that promise. And the promise was that this will happen. I will conceive and it’s going to happen at the right time. The time where it’s not just going to be for you and your husband, for your family, it’s going to impact many other people, which I’m seeing that in real time and that this is bigger than just me.
Not only have, not only are so there’s so many people who are believing for this, but they’re believing for so many other things. And so this is a faith builder and I’ve always, that’s been what sustained me to continue to have hope for this. I know that we’re gonna see this thing through all the way.
Jamie: Love it. Now, Katie this woman asks, should I give up naturally getting pregnant and go for donor eggs first?
Katie: I think it’s a personal choice. Depending obviously on where you are as well. So for us, the donor supply in the UK is very limited. We actually went abroad the second time just to give us obviously more options.
It’s a hard decision because that biologic, that biology you always think that, you’ve not got the biology, is it gonna be different? But I would say having experienced my first child, there is definitely an argument for nurture versus nature. ’cause my daughter is the spit of me with her personality. She is very determined, knows her own mind and will take no prisoners. So I think, for me, the. The, I suppose how I feel about her, I don’t feel, I don’t even think about it. And other people might know and sometimes might make comments, which sometimes can be a bit hurtful, but other than that, and it is been the best decision. Because obviously it helps your chances after a certain point. And I think, if you want to be a mother, does it matter how you get there?
Jamie: That’s perfect. And Sarah if they have inflammation issues, did they change diet before transfer? Did anybody have any inflammation issues? I guess fibroids isn’t really inflammation. No.
Sarah: What I’d say to that is for a MH levels. So for your own eggs or that sort of thing. Certainly, I think, processed foods and things like that now are full of When I was going through the IVF, I went through all of it with inflammation and cutting things out in chemicals with what I cleaned the house with and all that kind of thing.
Foods, making sure that they weren’t ultra processed and all that sort of thing. Yeah, I think that and bitty said as well, if your body’s a temple and you are making sure that you are giving it the best shot, and if you have inflammation, there are fields that are proven to worsen that situation.
And so I would, to me, the fact that I just wanted to be a mom, I threw everything at it. And so if that was the case, I would be looking and I wouldn’t be looking at Instagram or, as, as much as influencers and such like that are great, I’d be going to the professionals. I had acupuncture and spoke to a few professionals into what to do rather than just believed what everybody told me on social media just to make sure that I was giving it the best shot. And then you can’t say. Regardless of what your outcome is that you didn’t give it all. That you didn’t give it everything that you could do. I’m not a doctor obviously, but I would recommend that if there’s something that can be done, you, we should be trying it and doing it.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s great. One more question, rapid fire question. What is the hardest thing about pregnancy? Joanne go?
Johanne: Exercise. I don’t know.
Jamie: Katie. Hardest thing about pregnancy.
Katie: Acid reflux or the not being able to breathe,
Jamie: but what’s the hardest part?
Bidi: Heartburn.
Jamie: Sarah.
Bidi: Heartburn.
Sarah: Yeah. I’m gonna go heartburn as well,
Bidi: guys.
Johanne: Pepsi, ac put that stuff on set. No.
Bidi: Wake up in the middle of the night and taking some spoons of yogurt. Like really just to ease it up i’ve been like stuck.
Sarah: We don’t eat in bed or anything like that, we don’t use, no, I,
Bidi: I go to the kitchen and walk and pee and that, know
Sarah: what I mean? In that the only, I have many at the side of the bed and I just wake up, roll over, put two in my mouth, chew ’em, and then that is it back to sleep. Just because the heartbeat is real. Yeah. But what I wanna know then when we’ve all given birth is whether our babies are hairy because they say I hear that
Johanne: If that’s true, then I’m giving birth to Rapunzel.
Bidi: I believe I’ll have a hairy I’m, I just, I told my partner that if he will pre probably be Ginger because my brother is Ginger and I’m the only Bru Nest in my, and I told him, listen, but I’m, I promise you, it’s you all really.
Jamie: Ladies, let’s share where everyone can find you on the internet. Sarah, you wanna go first?
Sarah: Yeah. So I run my Instagram through my business, which is toga more stores. I’m, I should share a lot more on there, but it is my business profile that I use. I do have a personal one, but I never go on it. That might change once she’s here, but we’ll see.
Jamie: Okay.
Sarah: I’ve not decided yet whether I’m gonna put baby on online or not. But for tomore stores is where you can get me.
Jamie: Okay. Joanne, what about you?
Johanne: You can find me on Instagram at Joanne, that’s spelled J-O-H-A-N-N-E-P Wilson. All the information about even the book, I would love for everybody to grab that. ’cause that’s going to have a lot about the pregnancy and my experience there. And once you get to the Instagram, it’ll get you to all the other stuff, our fashion brand, the church, the, all the other fun stuff.
Jamie: Awesome. Katie, what about you?
Katie: My Instagram is Swash Swashbuckle 78.
Jamie: Wonderful Inya.
Bidi: My Instagram is the Running Nomads with underscores. But yeah, you’ll also if I’ll follow you guys. So I’m also publishing on Substack. I send an email once a week. It’s not about pregnancy, it’s about culture and politics and demonstrations around the world.
Jamie: Wonderful. I’m gonna have leave to everyone.
Awesome. Ladies, this has been so much fun. Thank you all for coming on the show and sharing your pregnancy journey.
Katie: Thank you for organizing.
Bidi: Thanks for having us.
Sarah: Yes.
All over the world.
Yeah. Yeah.
Johanne: You know what’s great is it’s helped me personally to process all of it. ’cause I haven’t spoken about it publicly or even to a group like this, so it’s fun.