102. As an ER doctor, Jude was used to being the one with all the answers—until she navigated her own high-stakes journey to motherhood at 41. She shares how she traded the chaos of the emergency room for the complex world of fertility, eventually founding a global summit to empower other women on the same path.
On episode 102, we have Jude on to share her spontaneous pregnancy at 41. For years, Jude grappled with a single, heavy question: Do I actually want to be a mother? Feeling stuck in ambivalence, her quest for an answer took her from the high-stakes environment of the ER to the depths of the Amazon jungle. After a profound experience with a Shaman in Peru, the “indecision” finally cleared.
In this episode, Jude shares her journey of meeting her partner at 39 and navigating the delicate balance of relationship-building with a “ticking clock.” We dive into her spontaneous pregnancy at 41, the heartbreak of “twin demise,” and her incredibly easeful pregnancy. Jude also tells the hilarious and harrowing story of her 10-centimeter-diluted dash to the hospital in a tiny Toyota Yaris. Tune in to hear how this medical professional learned to surrender her clinical mind to the mystery of motherhood.
About the Guest
Dr. Jude Galea is a dedicated ER doctor whose medical expertise met a deeply personal challenge when she began her own journey to motherhood at age 41. Navigating the high-stakes environment of the emergency room while managing the emotional complexities of fertility, Jude offers a rare, dual perspective on what it means to be both a medical professional and a patient.
Beyond her work in the ER, Jude is a passionate advocate for women in their 40s. She is the founder and host of the Fertility Over 40 Summit, a global event designed to provide women with the science-backed resources and community support they need to navigate their path to pregnancy. Her story is one of resilience, medical insight, and the profound journey of finding balance in the midst of life’s most intense moments.
Connect with Jude:
- Website: Fertility Over 40 Summit
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.bodymindsoul/
- Podcast: Dr. Mind Body Soul
Key Topics
- The Fertility Over 40 Summit: Why Jude felt called to create a global community and resource hub to support women navigating the intersection of science and soul on their path to pregnancy.
- From the ER to the Amazon: Jude shares her unconventional quest for clarity on motherhood, which led her to the Amazon rainforest to seek guidance through shamanic ceremonies.
- Intentional Conception at 39: The story of meeting her partner and their journey toward an intentional, conscious conception following a powerful spiritual experience.
- Navigating “Twin Demise”: A vulnerable look at the heartbreak of losing one twin at six weeks and the emotional resilience required to carry her surviving baby to term.
- The Doctor as Patient: How being an ER doctor influenced Jude’s perspective on her pregnancy at 41, and how she balanced medical “worst-case scenario” thinking with trust in her body.
- A High-Stakes Birth Story: The chaotic and fast-paced account of her 10-centimeter-dilated dash to the hospital in a tiny Toyota Yaris for a natural birth.
Resources & Links
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Transcript
Jamie: Jude, welcome to the show.
Jude: Thank you so much. It’s such a pleasure to be here, Jamie.
Jamie: We are sharing Jude’s story at 41, but before we get started, Jude, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Jude: Sure. Yeah. I am 43 at the moment but had my first baby at 41. We live in the uk. I currently live up in Scotland. I moved up from London just before having my daughter to be down the road from my mom.
Jamie: Oh, fun.
Jude: I work as a doctor in the er. And have since taken a break from that. And currently do the similar work but work remotely for Western Australia, which is quite niche.
Jamie: Wow. Interesting.
Jude: It works really well for this season of life, as I’m sure you can imagine.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jude: Working from home as an ER doctor is something I thought I would never would be able to do, but it’s such a huge blessing being a mom to a young daughter, I should say.
It’s been, it is been game changing, so yeah. Really grateful for that.
Jamie: Yeah. So do you do like consulting? How, oh, wow, that’s really neat.
Jude: We deal with heart attacks, strokes, resuscitations, coughs, colds, broken arms, all the rest of it. And I do it from Edinburgh, but serve remote communities in Western Australia. It’s a dream come true really to be able to work this flexibly especially as a mom, really grateful for the job.
Jamie: That’s amazing. Let’s get into your story. Did you always want children?
Jude: That is a question I grappled with for so long. I really. Didn’t know whether I wanted children or not. And I went on a bit of a quest in order to find out which landed me in the Amazon jungle in Peru sitting with shaman and drinking ayahuasca. And for those who don’t know about that, this kind of weird and wonderful situation.
But Ayahuasca is a plant medicine, which is a kind of psychedelic, which really allows you to connect very deeply with yourself. And the shaman guided me into that question. Because it was a question, as I say, I was grappling with for so long.
Jamie: How old were you when you went to the Amazon?
Jude: Went to the Amazon no more than once. But my first time, I think I was in my mid thirties and I found myself dating men of a, with a very similar pattern. And I wanted to break that and I needed a deeper understanding of what was driving all of that and went to the Amazon.
But in that session I also asked whether or not I wanted children because I really, I really didn’t know. And during that experience I saw myself standing in a forest with a little girl at my ankles holding my ankle. It was clear to me that I would have a daughter.
But it’s interesting because I went home after that experience and had some very profound shifts in my life again, to do with meeting the right partner and had a lot of work to do in order to break old patterns some of which were really painful. But I truly believe with all my heart it is that work that led me to meeting my partner.
I met my partner at 39. But just prior to meeting him, I had gone to the Amazon again this time for the third time, and I, again, asked the question do I want children? And it was so funny because the way it works for the place I was at the retreat center. I was sitting in you do a gentle first ceremony.
You do five ceremonies in a week. You do a gentle first ceremony where you just take a small amount of the medicine. And that’s thought to be the diagnostic dose where the shamans can just get a sense of what is most pressing to work with through the week for you. A lot of people don’t feel the effect of that of that medicine.
It’s just such a small dose. Initially and I went with this to this retreat, not with questions of partnership or baby in mind at all. I was there actually to focus on business. I really wanted to shift, make some shifts in my business. And I was there to ask some specific questions about it.
I was there with other business people, so it was not on my mind. And yet I was sat there having just drank the diagnostic dose. Very small dose. People shouldn’t feel anything. And as soon as I drank it, I had a voice in my head just going. Why are we still here? You want to experience motherhood?
Indecision is a decision, and it was so quick, so clear. And then I had a big purge, a big vomit, which is how ayahuasca can work by per allowing you to release old patterns through physical purges, like vomiting. I had a big vomit. The lights hadn’t even gone down. People hadn’t even finished drinking their diagnostic dose.
And I was having this huge experience and it was in that moment that I knew, okay, I hear it. I want to experience motherhood, indecision as a decision. And in fact, the rest of the week was all about children. It was all about partnership. And I kept on saying to the medicine, I’m not here for this. Why am I’m not here for this.
And yet it was so clear that I was, and three months later. I met my partner at 39 years old.
Jamie: Wow. Like you went to the Amazon to figure out if you wanted to have kids or not Unintentionally.
Jude: Yeah. First, the first visit was quite intentional. I have to say. I really went with the question of do I want to have children? Okay. It was very, it was, I was stuck. I was really, I felt very stuck in ambivalence.
But interestingly enough, despite seeing the little girl at my ankles, I still remained in ambivalence for a long time. I really couldn’t decide. I felt very stuck. I was in, in decision which of course the medicine told me was a decision and is that the decision I wanted to make?
So I feel I was really supported and guided to the decision of having motherhood, but it was one that didn’t come easy.
Jamie: You met your partner at 39. How did the conversation, what was that like deciding to try to have kids?
Jude: He made, we met online and he made it really clear in his profile that he wanted children. Which is something that I had decided I would intentionally look for. Especially having received that message so clearly. In that ceremony. So I knew I wasn’t gonna waste time with someone who wasn’t super clear, and so he was super clear and I knew that, but then we were dating and it was important for me to have a relationship first and to have a good and solid relationship before we entered parenthood.
And although I could feel the clock ticking. I did not want that to dominate our experience of relationship. I knew he wanted children. We had a conversation just to to confirm that, and so that we were both on the same page. And then to be honest, I left it. I left the conversation intentionally.
I just trusted that he would let me know when he was ready. I let him know that I was ready early on. And I made it clear that I knew I wanted children, that I was ready when he was ready. I knew he wanted them, so I just let the topic be.
And we went traveling after we turned 40 and we went to bley and we were there for a few months and I remember very distinctly we were coming to the end of our trip. We were staying in a lovely little place of the pool. And he just told me yeah, I think I’m ready. I think I’m ready to become a father. And it was so funny because I’d written a little timeline back after my whole Ayahuasca experience, and I’d written down, that I’d meet someone that we would go traveling and then in March we would start trying for a baby.
And he, on the 1st of April, he told me, I’m ready.
Jamie: Wow.
Jude: So I was like, okay, this is magical and completely wild. But we were like, great let’s try. So started trying, but yeah, we had never been, we’d never tried before, so didn’t really know what that involved and found ourselves to be traveling which made timing things a bit challenging.
And we were moving. So yeah, it was quite challenging. And so at some stage down the track we had a conversation in the car. I think we were in Australia and we were like, we haven’t really been focused, we haven’t really been focused on this. Let’s get focused.
So we. Both started going to acupuncture. We both started really tracking temperature. I started tracking temperature. And just got a lot more intentional about our trying. And we then also reached out to the shaman.
And we said to the shaman that we would like to bring our baby to us.
And what happens when you ask for that they go away and do a month of ceremonies on your behalf to work through any blocks that may be present. And the month we started the deta, the surrogate deta was the month that we got pregnant.
Jamie: Oh wow.
Jude: And of course I had no idea that was the case and despite being late, I didn’t do a test. Because I was convinced, I would know. I was just convinced.
Jamie: Wow.
Jude: I would know. My mom said she knew instantly when she was pregnant, so I assumed I would know. And so I didn’t feel any different. And then I thought, oh, I did feel my boobs kind of a little bit tender. But thought, yeah, my periods just about to start, so that’s why the tender. I thought they’re just about to start
Jamie: how much time has passed since y’all agreed that you were gonna start trying?
Jude: So we agreed to start trying in April. And now we are in November.
Jamie: Okay.
Jude: And we end up conceiving Yes. We end up conceiving then. And yeah, my partner was really urging me to test, and as I say, I was resisting it, but then I said, look okay, I’ll just do the test and then we’ll just, and then we can know and just move on okay. So I do the test and I do it wrong and I find another test and I see a very faint second line and didn’t know quite what to make of it.
And I couldn’t quite believe it ’cause I was definitely in shock, needed to try and get a second test because I was like, we need, I just don’t know what to make of that. But because it was Christmas day that we were doing these tests, my partner was like, what, where can we go? We were in the middle, we were in Australia.
We are far from home. We’re on Christmas day panicking about where to get a pregnancy test at probably two in the afternoon. Oh my goodness. So he goes off on a wild goose chase searching for a pharmacy comes back, doesn’t have any more pregnancy tests. And then I suddenly remember, oh my gosh, I’ve got loads in my bag. I had them from the er. Oh my gosh, I’ve just remembered. Grab another pregnancy test from my bag from a secret pocket in my bag that I’d taken traveling just in case. And did it, and it was super clearly positive. And then had to wait for hours and hours before we could phone our families and share the good news for them on Christmas morning when they woke up.
Jamie: Because the time change.
Jude: Oh, exactly. Exactly. So we had to wait wait, just not knowing what to do with ourselves, like on Christmas day in our summer dresses, which was all like a bit disorientating anyway. Then phone our families and share the news with them as a, the most incredible Christmas present for everyone.
Jamie: What were you thinking during those moments that you are looking at this test?
Jude: Real disbelief. Real disbelief and total joy. Joy, excitement, disbelief. It was an amazing feeling. I couldn’t believe it. And I felt so much trust in the experience because I had felt so supported spiritually and knew that this baby was coming in and had been brought in shamanically. And so that really helped anchor me into a sense of safety around the pregnancy, which I so valued.
Jamie: How was your pregnancy?
Jude: I had a beautiful pregnancy. I have to say actually when I had my first scan, which was at six weeks, I went privately and had a scan as soon as I could.
We realized we had been expecting twins, but one of them hadn’t a heartbeat at that six week stage. So that did feel a bit mixed in that first, in that few days. It took me a little bit to recover from that, that I actually had asked the shaman for twins. But my partner hadn’t been sure about twins.
Jamie: Can you explain like what happened with the twin?
Jude: Yeah. We were six weeks and there were two sacks. One had Bonnie and then one had a little embryo but no heartbeat. Then we had repeat scans and then it’s called twin demise. It just absorbs.
Jamie: So you didn’t bleed or anything?
Jude: No. No.
Jamie: Wow.
Jude: Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. But yeah, it just absorbs. It’s wild.
Jamie: There’s so many emotions going on. ’cause you’re sad, but you’re happy and… I can’t imagine, yeah.
Jude: It was confusing and heartbreaking. Some people saying so many people would kill to be in your position. You’ve got a healthy baby coming. And I totally get that. And also I was feeling heartbroken for having lost one and
Jamie: Sure.
Jude: And I’d asked for twins, so I couldn’t believe that I’d gotten twins. It was challenging.
But we spoke to the shaman after that experience and he reassured us that our baby would be healthy. The pregnancy continued and I had a really easeful pregnancy. I didn’t have any morning sickness. I was playing tennis until seven and a half months.
I was really fit, really active, and I was in absolute awe of my body. I couldn’t believe it. It was wonderful. It was a really wonderful experience. And I remember towards the end of my pregnancy, not wanting not to be pregnant, I wanted to hold on to the experience of being pregnant.
I remember my doula telling me that I did need to let go of the pregnancy in my mind. To allow the birth to to click forward. Because I was hanging onto the pregnancy from a spiritual point of view, I was gonna delay things and stifle things. But I really love being pregnant so much. And I had a really useful experience.
Jamie: I love that. I wonder because it took me a while to go into labor. I was 41 in three days, so I’m like, what if I was holding on to my pregnancy? And that’s why I wouldn’t go into labor. Fascinating.
Jude: It’s fascinating. Yeah, it’s fascinating. Of course, there’s so many factors. But I remember writing a letter to my daughter at the end of the pregnancy just to help me transition and thanking her and thanking this period of time that we shared together. And explained to her how joyful it was for me but also how excited I was to see her on the other side. And that helped me shift gears a little bit.
Jamie: What was your diet like during this time?
Jude: I love cooking a delicious and nutritious food. That’s why I always I love doing it. It’s a passion. Like I really pour a lot of time and energy into that anyway. So I have to say my diet didn’t change and I didn’t have any cravings. At all.
So I, I didn’t feel any different and I yeah it was surprising, but I didn’t ch really change my diet. I largely eat vegetarian diet, not exclusively, but I would say 90% of my diet is vegetarian, I would say. And I eat a lot of beans and legumes and lentils. I was vegan for a couple of years and that really taught me how to cook plants well, and I’ve just carried that on, although I have added cheese and eggs and I do eat meat sometimes when I’m out.
But yeah I love to cook delicious and nutritious food and always have. And so I continued that throughout my pregnancy.
Jamie: What about your doctor being a doctor yourself? How did you select your doctor for your pregnancy?
Jude: We don’t really have that system.
Jamie: Oh, that’s right. That’s right.
Jude: Yeah. So we don’t have that system in the uk. We get what we are given. And it was interesting. We started our pregnancy down in London and the antenatal care there was really different from how it actually felt in Scotland, just by the fact that in London it’s so busy.
So we would go into an antenatal appointment in London and the waiting room had about 150 pregnant mothers in it. Crammed into a small space and I’m being called in for, it was very hectic. Whereas when we moved up to Edinburgh, there was like one woman in the waiting room. We had an hour with the midwife.
Like it felt a very different experience, but from a doctor’s point of view, we didn’t yeah, we don’t meet our obstetricians. We get what we are given on the day that we give birth. So I’d never had the chance to build upper relationship or anything with a specific doctor. But luckily I had no complications during pregnancy, so didn’t need to escalate my care to see a doctor. It was all mid midwife led.
Jamie: Was there anything like product wise that helped you throughout your pregnancy or even your journey to getting pregnant?
Jude: I have to say no. I just use a simple. Prenatal supplement. I was taking folic acid. I was also taking aspirin. That was recommended just from my age. But apart from that, I didn’t take any extra supplementation or products.
Jamie: That’s great. Did you find out you were having a girl during your pregnancy?
Jude: We did, and we found out really early in Australia. We got a scan, another scan at eight weeks. I believe they recommended that because we’d had the twin dem eyes. We would have a, we should have a repeat scan at 10 weeks they could tell.
And they asked us if we wanted to know, and which we were really lucky to find out then, because then we traveled home the following week. And in the uk they don’t reveal the gender until 20 weeks, so I was very grateful to have had the heads up early.
And then that confirmed much later on in the uk. We knew we were having a girl early and had named her early, early. And so yeah, we bonded really quickly with that information. I feel like to have naming her just really in my psyche really shifted my relationship with her.
Jamie: Did you always think you were having a girl because that’s what you saw in your vision?
Jude: I really hoped, and so when I found out we were having a girl, oh yeah, I was thrilled, but. I guess I’d never been through the experience before, so I didn’t know I would definitely be having a girl. I had to, does it work like that? How much can I trust that? But it’s funny because the girl I saw in the visions who had curly brown hair at my ankles is the very girl I have.
Jamie: Oh my goodness.
Jude: It gives me shivers.
Jamie: That’s amazing. How did you prepare for her to come?
Jude: Being a doctor myself did make me fairly clear about what I would and wouldn’t want. And I was quite clear I didn’t want to be induced. I selected to either go into labor naturally, which I really hoped I would or have a a c-section.
And I scheduled that for, I would’ve been 41, just over 41 weeks. Just be, just because my due date was a Friday, so I just wanted to give myself the extra weekend to see if I could go into spontaneous labor.
So I decided to work with a doula. I was nervous about that decision.
Jamie: How did you decide who to use? How did you find her?
Jude: It was actually through a recommendation. There’s a Scottish doula network, so I started there. And read a few profiles and there was a couple that stood out to me. And then I reached out to a friend who had used a doula and it turns out she’d used one of the two that I’d highlighted as ones I would like to work with. I actually didn’t go with her when I went with the other one in the end because she did a lot of breath work.
I had, it was specifically used breath work and I used quite a lot of breath work in my past. And so yeah, that, that really spoke to me. Even though my friend hadn’t used her as a doula, she’d had a, she’d had a couple of friends who had, and had been really happy with the experience. So I went with her.
I was a bit nervous about introducing a doula for my birth, but I felt that would be the most supportive gift I could give to myself because I really wanted to deliver naturally. I totally understand that it’s not possible for some, it’s dangerous for some and birth plans always need to be moved and shifted as they develop. But I certainly wanted to hold the intention of having a natural birth.
And so to support me most in having that, I decided to work with a doula and we did some prep, held a few meetings prior and just really did a lot of visualization of what I wanted and what I felt I would get in the what I felt would get in the way.
It was funny because I was due on the Friday and had some contractions come on the Saturday. And they just faded away. And we did an, we did our sort of, we hadn’t quite completed, like the visualizations that we had wanted to me and my partner. And we hadn’t done all the meditations that the doula had given us. So we did them that night and then we’d completed our preparation. The following day was very quiet. I think I did some aroma therapy on my feet and went to bed messaging my family, just saying, nothing’s happened today. I’m going to bed. Yeah, don’t stay up.
And lo and behold, an hour later, contraction started and, maybe an hour or two in, I went to the bathroom, had a massive vomit and purged both ends very dramatically. And that’s very much like an ayahuasca purge that can happen.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jude: And it felt absolutely like I was entering into another realm and I was just en it was very clear that I’d entered labor and so I knew that when I’d entered labor, I needed to go into sort of an ayahuasca journey.
And I would treat it as such sort of, once you go in, you can’t come out, you have to just, you have to get through you have to stop resisting. You have to surrender. I entered that process and it was clear that I’d entered it.
Jamie: How did it go?
Jude: I called my mom who as I mentioned, lives down the road and asked her to come round. And I let my partner go upstairs and rest. And I actually so value those first few hours because I was with my mum in my bed with a hot water bottle between my legs and the lights were dimed and I had a playlist on that I, that my friends from my baby shower had put together. That was on, and I was with my mom. We were just quiet and I was just in my own kind of space, but I’ll cherish that experience forever. I think it’s such a special moment really to share with your mom.
And things started to really ramp up in the middle of the night. And so I called my partner down, got my mom to go home and have some rest herself, and then called the doula. And I remember as my mom was doing a handover to my partner and just getting him up to speed with where things were at she was like she’s been in labor now for five hours. The average, will go on for like a further 18. My mom’s a doctor and I could not, I think I lost it.
Why would you say that? I do not need to hear that. I was so upset with her. I was thinking like, at that stage, like another 18 hours. Are you kidding? Oh my God.
I sent her home and got my partner to call the doula. And the doula said she’d be there in a couple of hours. She lived she lived an hour or so away. And so at that point, I just re went back in and the do, when the doula arrived, I don’t think I even saw her for two hours. I, my eyes were completely closed. I was completely in my own world. I could hear her voice and she was definitely coaching me to ride the waves of the contractions. I was very much there doing that, but I never opened my eyes. She knelt be beside me and just, and said I think your baby’s coming soon.
We need to make a decision. Are you going to have her here or are you going to go to the hospital? And my mom had come home by this point and being the doctor, she was like, we are going to hospital right now. Right now.
Jamie: She made the decision for you?
Jude: She made the decision and the plan had always been told to the hospital, I never wanted a home birth.
It was my first birth. I’m a doctor. I wanted to be in hospital. But in the moment, getting to the hospital felt extremely daunting. I live in an apartment on the second floor, and I remember my mom having said before, how are you gonna get down the stairs?
That concern had been really quite forefront, like through a lot of my labor, like, how am I gonna get down the stairs? I had to get down those stairs. And just about managed, got ourselves into a Toyota Yaris. Now, I dunno if anyone here knows the size of a Toyota Yaris with a baby seat in it that had to fit me and the doula in the back seat, and my partner and my mom in the passenger and driver’s seats. So to say it was tight is a total understatement and we definitely hadn’t thought through those logistics. Because we also live on a coupled street. We live in a coupled street.
Jamie: Oh no.
Jude: So I’m now leaving my apartment at seven in the morning in a tourist trap. So we’ve already got about a hundred people on my cobbled street taking photographs, and I’m in quite manky pajamas trying to crawl into this to Yaris and make our way up the cobbled hill to get to the hospital. A journey we had done quite a few times, but a journey that my partner thought we shouldn’t do the same way he thought he would out smart Google Maps and take us on a different way to avoid the traffic. So what should have been a 40 minute journey, which is already quite a journey turned into an hour and 20 minutes, and it was hard to stay composed because we also hit roadworks. We hit roadworks and my mom wouldn’t go into a bus lane or take any shortcut.
We have a quite heated car. The doula just going, I think we just need to go in the, just go in the bus lane. Maria. Just go in the bus lane. Just turn into the bus lane. Maria, we need to, we do need to get there, Maria. My partner just going, no turn right, just turn right. , then ending up in a back street with Cobbles again and just going, and me just going, why are we not there? Like, why are we not there? Like how are we still in this car?
So we get there and just get straight into triage and I had some blood on the towel that I had been sitting on while in the car which meant that I had to go straight into triage and be assessed, and it did spark a chain reaction.
The blood actually is just, was just excessive shows, so it didn’t really mean anything, but anyone who knows what happens when you go into a hospital and a chain reaction of decisions are made. I had to be really assertive and I had to, while staying in my process to try and guide myself into a situation I wanted to be in.
However I was 10 centimeters on arrival which is what I wanted. That had always been my intention. When I got to the hospital and I found out it was 10 centimeters, I was so relieved.
I was in triage in bright lights with many people asking me many questions, which was very disorientating. And I was determined to stay in my process and follow through with the labor. So switching from my doctor to my mother mode was quite interesting.
There was such a distinct moment because I remember being surrounded by a lot of people who were making decisions around the meaning of this blood on the towel, and I just felt like, why is no one getting her out of me? I couldn’t understand why someone wasn’t getting her out of me. Like, why is someone not cutting her out of me? Why is somebody not getting her out of me? In my mind, I’m just totally confused about it. There’s so many people here and they’re doing so many things, but why is nobody getting her out of me?
And I suddenly realized I had to get her out of me. Like I realized I, that was what I had to do. And I had been resisting to push because I was still in the triage room and decisions were being made and it was all unclear. And I didn’t really know what was happening, where we were going, why we were here, because I’m hearing so many conflicting pieces of information that I’m trying to piece together medically, but I’m also trying to come back to my contractions.
Once we got into the labor suite and I very much needed to push. They were trying to put monitors on and my fierce mama bear was just like, you need to get them off me and I need to push. There was slight concern over her heart rate. So doctors had come into the room and they said, mama, you need to push with everything you’ve got, otherwise we’re gonna need to use the suction forcep. I was like okay, this is what I need to do. So we got me on the bed and I just gave everything I got.
And then they said your membranes are still intact. Can we rupture your membranes? And I was like, yes. Rupture my membranes. My waters hadn’t broke, so I had been pushing the baby in the amniotics fluids in the sack out. And as soon as they ruptured the membranes my partner was like, I can see her ear. I can see her ear. So she was right there. She was right there.
And I just needed another push. Babies being born in their sack is a spiritual protection for them. I just knew we’d been protected this whole time. And we just ruptured them right at the end to get her out safely. I was just so ecstatic to have her out and yeah, it was the most euphoric I’ve ever felt.
Jamie: Yeah. So it only took two pushes to get her out basically.
Jude: I don’t know if it was two pushes, but it wasn’t many pushes. Once they ruptured the membranes, she was there. She was okay. She was there. So I had, I’d felt her descend and I’d tried my best not to resist, but it’s a horrible feeling or it’s a very strange very strange feeling. Doesn’t feel right. And I was resisting ’cause I was confused about what was going on. Once I relaxed into that, she was descending.
The nursing staff were so keen to get her out, that every push and contraction that I was having at the end, they were accentuating. So then they would come and massage and keep the contraction going for longer, which I was furious about. Stop. But luckily it only did take a couple of those. And she was thankfully out and yeah, I was on cloud nine, literally. Cloud nine.
Jamie: Yeah. So did the midwife take your baby and then put it on your chest?
Jude: She just came straight onto my chest. Okay. Yeah. She came straight onto my chest and I was just, yeah. So my partner was shocked ’cause I didn’t cry or anything. I was just so happy. I was so happy to see her. I was like, oh my God, you’re here. I just could not believe she was here and that we’d just done it. That we did it. We did it. Couldn’t believe it. So yeah, she, we did skin to skin straight away.
She fed straight away and she opened her eyes straight away. She has these beautiful long eyelashes, and they were fluttering away and yeah, the most joyful moment.
Jamie: That’s beautiful. No, it is so refreshing to hear how spiritual you are, like coming from a doctor’s perspective. I love the mix of it.
Jude: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, it can feel jarring at times, even for me. It is an unusual combination to have a doctor who works very conventionally and who also has an avid interest in research and evidence sit alongside the truth. There’s just so much mystery that we still don’t know and we can sit and hold. For me, holding hope and wonder within that mystery can only support us. I choose to hold that. For me so far it’s been really helpful.
Jamie: I love that. What was breastfeeding like?
Jude: Yeah, breastfeeding was a journey.
I knew it wouldn’t all be, I was prepared for it not to be like, all really easy for, because of my sister. And I saw that it had been painful for her. And so I knew there might be a pain barrier and there was had a cracked nipple and oh, anyone who has experienced that will know the sort of toll curling nature of a pain like that.
We only really had minor hiccups like that really in the scheme of things. But at one point she had quite significant reflux and I probably jumped in too early with trying to resolve it and gave her a little bit too much GABAs gone and I supplemented with formula to give her the gavascon and I think that threw my breastfeeding off.
I think maybe four months in we had this blip and I was surprised that my supply just reduced as much as it did. I was really worried and actually desperately sad that it had, and worked really hard to build it back up. Managed to build it back up. I put three breast pumps in one weekend.
I started taking milk thistle, but actually what probably helped the most was just skin to skin. So just like canceling everything over the week, doing lots of skin to skin, building up oxytocin, slowing down, drinking plenty. I wasn’t hydrating enough either. And we got the supply back on track and we’re 16 months later and we’re still breastfeeding.
I’m so glad I worked through that, but I. Yeah it surprised me how quickly things can change even four months in and yeah, supply was still very linked to her signals. Yeah, by giving her gavascon and formula to help with the reflux, we did send things a little bit south, but yeah, we got things back on track, thankfully.
And yeah, 16 month on she’s asking for booby all the time. And now she has just started saying the other one. The other one, the other one. So as soon as she finishes with one booby, she asks for the other one. So yeah, she’s a fan. She’s a fan.
Jamie: What is your plan to wean?
Jude: I just plan to wean when she’s ready. And I have to say, I just take all my inspiration from my sister. I really admire how she’s mothered her children and so I just copy what she does. And so that’s what she did. And so that’s just kinda what I’m doing. I do question that sometimes, ’cause we still wake up in the night quite a few times to feed. I do feel trapped sometimes like to certain positions like needing to feed. But I also value that connection time that we have and value that part of our relationship to.
And so I’m sticking with that for now. And I guess I can revisit that at any time. But my current plan is just to, yeah, allow her to wean until she’s ready.
Jamie: How was your recovery?
Jude: Overall my recovery was good. I did a 10 K run let’s say how many months after? It was in January and I had her, so five months after.
Jamie: Oh my God.
Jude: And I’m not sure. I’m not sure quite honestly, that was the best idea I had in my mind before I had her.
That was, I was trying to do four fitness challenges a year, and I was just keen to keep this 10 K. And I have to say that during the 10 k, that, to be honest, I was taking very easy. But still I was doing it. I said to my mother-in-law, I said to my sister-in-law when we were on our way round, I was like, I think I have.
It’s in a poo. I think I’ve, I think it’s happened. I think I’ve had an accident here. And I was sure it, I was sure that happened and I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. I think part of me has left myself. And so it turns out, thankfully that hadn’t happened. But it did prompt to visit to the physio and I was like, I think something’s not quite right here.
When I’m running, I don’t feel it’s quite right. But to be honest, she gave me the clean bill of health and she was like, there’s actually nothing wrong. There’s no prolapses, there’s nothing. There’s nothing there. You’re okay. Just like maybe just don’t do a 10 k, four months postpartum.
And I was like, yeah, that’s probably very wise advice. And since then, thankfully I haven’t had that sensation again, but then to be, I haven’t ran either. I probably pushed myself a little bit too hard a little bit too quickly. And that was a good warning, even if it wasn’t actually things going wrong. I think psychologically the thought of that happening mid run was enough to get myself back into check and be a little bit more sensible.
Jamie: Have you done any pelvic floor exercises? Because all I’m thinking is about running and peeing myself.
Jude: Yes. I have done exercises and I was quite fastidious at the beginning. I was just worried about pooing myself. Like peeing myself in myself, I expected and didn’t really worry too much about, but the pooing myself really did scare me somewhat. But thankfully, it was just in my mind.
Jamie: Wait, before you did this race at four months, did you really feel ready to do that exercise?
Jude: I guess I’ve always been quite active and so I had gone back to the gym. A couple of months before that and was just I was doing strength training and doing a lot of pelvic floor work there.
Jamie: Okay.
Jude: And then and then as I say, I had been playing tennis until seven and a half months. I was really active until almost the end there. And so I missed it. I really, I was keen to get moving. I wanted to get moving. And I was walking endlessly. Like I started going for walks at like day four or day three.
I was going out for walks and small walks, gentle walks, but I think I, I need to be moving. I don’t feel well if I’m not, so I felt more unwell, not moving than I did moving, but it was hard for me to, I didn’t know when and how much to push myself. And probably I did push myself a little bit too early, a little bit too hard.
Jamie: Yeah. What about mentally? How were you mentally?
Jude: I’ve been really good mentally. For the first couple of weeks I stayed at my mom’s house and my in-laws were staying at our house. And so we really had a good support network and so it meant that although I was up for most of the night. Early in the morning, I remember I was watching endless episodes of the Bear and Succession. I was, I’ll always associate them with them. Those days. I would watch the clock and if I was still like up at four in the morning, I’d be like, okay, in an hour I’m gonna go and wake up Nana and I’m gonna go to sleep myself.
And so roughly about five o’clock I would give my daughter to my mom and then I would get like a solid three hour sleep. And that was just what, that’s just what I needed. Like I needed that. Yeah. Without that I think it would’ve been very different. But I did that. I think we were actually at my mom’s for a month, I think.
I remember feeling very daunted going back to our house. And my partner was like. I think it’s time to move back. And I was just horrified at the thought. I was what? No I don’t think I can ever move out. And he was like, dude, do you remember we did six weeks of nesting? You’re obsessed. Like we’ve just done the whole house so that it’s baby ready and the baby hasn’t been in the house. I think it’s time. And I thought we would do it in stages. And I was like I’ll go for a night and I’m gonna come back to mom’s. But then once you realize how much stuff you have to move,
Jamie: yes.
Jude: It suddenly became very clear that I was not moving all of that back. And actually we got into our own rhythm and I think it was good for us actually. In retrospect it was particularly good for my partner ’cause it also allowed him to really step into his fatherhood. I think prior to that there were so many other people available, willing, loving to step in, and who were obviously more experienced because they’ve had babies before, he didn’t really get the opportunity to fully step into that supporting role.
And so it was really good for us actually in the end to move into our own place after a month. And, and for us to learn to stand on our own two feet. But yeah, that, that’s, that, that sort of first month, the real in-house support, I think allowed me to get the sleep I needed to allow me to stay in a good mental space.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Jude: I truly had a magical experience from beginning to end and yeah. And it just keeps getting better. It just keeps getting better with every stage that we have her. She’s just such a joy. I I feel really blessed and I mean that in every sense of the word. Like I feel like. Truly blessed to have been able to have her and really thank my lucky stars every day.
Jamie: Do you have plans to have more babies in your forties?
Jude: Yes. Yes, Jamie, I do. And that hasn’t quite been as straightforward as my first pregnancy actually as I think you may have gathered I’m quite a high achiever. I’m a doer. And so pretty quickly off the bat I was like, yeah, I’m ready for another one. And said to my partner, honestly, I’d love to. I’d love to try again. And this was quite, yeah, quite soon, after our first, and so I think my first was six months old and I felt ready and excited to try again. And I let the shaman know that we wanted to try again and we started a deta for the next baby to come through.
And we got pregnant that month. So again, I was, literally over the moon, just how can it be this easy? This is crazy. Went to the pharmacy, got this pregnancy test with this tiny baby in my, in on, held in my front. I was like, this is mad. And so got really excited about that.
But sadly we lost them early on which I just wasn’t expecting at all. Yeah, just considering just considering our first experience. And I know we’d, gotten pregnant the month we’d asked for babies both times. It was such a shock. It took me by surprise and it made me really pay attention, about this process of getting pregnant in our forties.
And I thought I need to do a bit more research here. I need to really see what I can optimize to help me move forward. Because with my first pregnancy, I hadn’t really done much research and neither was my second, so I thought what can I do? What is in my control that I can really optimize?
I’m a doctor who can examine research and I’m also an integrative doctor. So I I love to look at holistic modalities and how they conceptualize health. But in this particular instance, I wanted to know how they conceptualize fertility and how I can optimize it using different modalities and what really can help move the needle.
Jamie: What has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Jude: The statistics, I think, honestly when I was trying to get pregnant with my first I was so naive to all of that, and I feel like actually creating hope and possibility for this stage in life has been a challenge.
I had my first miscarriage in a miscarriage in June. But I’ve had a second miscarriage since then. And so yeah, holding onto hope and distilling good, trustworthy evidence-based, holistic information has been the most challenging thing. There is so much overwhelming information out there and the statistics can feel really dispiriting.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jude: So holding hope and distilling good information that’s specific to you? Yeah has definitely been my challenge has definitely felt my biggest challenge.
Jamie: Yeah. And is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy in birth over 40?
Jude: I may be biased, but attending the Fertility Over 40 Summit, I truly hope, I genuinely, truly hope it offers people a little bit of clarity and guidance and confidence in making truly informed decisions moving forward. Yeah, everyone is different with their own challenges and so I, it’s very difficult to offer generic advice especially being a doctor that’s not a position or something I can really offer.
But being able to navigate this world I hope I can guide people to a little bit more clarity and confidence. That’s what I hope. I hope for.
Jamie: Awesome. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant if you could go back?
Jude: Huh? Take more photos. Take more photos. When I was looking through my camera role for this podcast and to offer you some photos of my pregnancy, I just realized how few I had. I think I’ve given you all of them, and there’s not very many. So yeah, take more photos, get some professional photos. That’s the one piece of advice I would actually give myself.
It can just be so confronting, I think, to, for your body to change so drastically. I certainly was confronted and was quite shocked at how my body transformed. But I wish I’d celebrated it perhaps a little bit more and taken more photos and really relished in it.
Jamie: And where can our listeners connect with you online?
Jude: To find out a bit more about the summit, I would go to my Instagram and it’s dr dot for doctor, so Dr. Dot, body, mind, soul, so Body, mind, soul, the Doctor Dot, body, mind, soul.
So I’m putting on a summit called fertility Over 40, and I’m bringing together more than 20 fertility specialists across multiple disciplines. We’ve got Ayurveda, Chinese medicine, Western Medicine, nutrition, mind, body. We’ve got a whole host of different approaches, perspectives, coming together to share how they would approach fertility over 40. My idea is to understand the underlying principles of all of those modalities to create a truly holistic plan for me and others to use moving forward and decide what works for you.
Because I’ve just found doing the research myself that you’re either told to move straight to IVF, which may not feel right for you right now. Or you’re told, oh, don’t worry. You’ll be fine. And I just think there’s a sort of a gap there of what can we do in the space in between to really optimize our bodies?
Our chances to bring a healthy pregnancy to bear. That summit is actually almost live. I decided to put it on at the end of this month, which is when my baby was due. I wanted to birth something important at the time when I was expecting to birth my second baby.
And I’m really proud of what we’ve created and I’m learning so much about how to optimize our health to really help women over 40 take care of their body, mind, and souls through this process because it is a whole journey that I am riding alongside y’all.
Jamie: And what days is it? Because it’s virtual.
Jude: It’s a virtual summit and it’s running over three days, so it’s from the 22nd to the 24th of January. It’s free to register. There is so much wisdom being shared on this summit. So I really encourage anyone who is in that process of wanting to conceive in their forties, but wanting a little bit more clarity about what can really move the needle for them.
I know that we don’t have time to waste anymore. We need to know what really works and what doesn’t and what we need to focus on and what we don’t need to focus on. I want women like myself to be able to make truly informed decisions about their fertility story moving forward.
This is the resource I essentially want to create for myself, and I just want to share it with anyone else who’s riding this wave with me.
Jamie: Wonderful. And I’m so honored to be a guest.
Jude: Yes, you are. Yes you are. Because honestly, Jamie, this podcast has given me a ray of hope throughout this year of wanting to be pregnant in my forties. And I’m so grateful to you sharing stories from women all over the world who are getting pregnant in their forties. As I said before, I think I want to create a space for hope in this journey, and I think it’s important and can only be supportive. And so thank you for shining a light on our stories and giving us hope on this journey.
Jamie: Yeah, I’m so happy to, and like you look at all the speakers and you’re like, oh, here’s Jamie. She is. Not a doctor, not anything.
Jude: She’s a woman who has rode this wave and that lived experience is so valuable. Yeah. And so yeah, we’re bringing I hope all voices together to really share what it’s like and to help us move forward.
Jamie: Perfect. Jude, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Jude: Thank you so much for having me, and honestly giving me the opportunity to revisit that magical time. It was such a pleasure to share it with you.