104. After a decade-long battle with unexplained infertility and failed IVF, Rosey discovered the “silent” culprit holding her back—leading to a miracle donor egg pregnancy at 43 and a shocking natural surprise at 45. Her story is a masterclass in medical self-advocacy and the power of trusting your gut when the experts don’t have all the answers.
On episode 104, Rosey is on to share her IVF pregnancy with donor eggs. Rosey shares the intimate details of her decade-long path to motherhood. After a relatively straightforward journey with her first daughter at age 36, Rosey was met with years of “unexplained” infertility while trying for a second child. She takes us through the clinical maze of IUIs and mini-IVF, the heartbreak of a mid-trimester loss, and her eventual decision to pursue donor eggs. Rosey speaks candidly about the importance of being your own advocate—specifically how she pushed for endometriosis testing when she was told “it’s just your age”—and how she navigated the transition to donor conception with a focus on bonding and peace.
We also feature a special “future update” where Rosey and I reconnect months after our initial recording. In this powerful segment, she reflects on how her story took one final, unexpected turn.
About the Guest
Rosey is a dedicated nurse based in the Midwest and a mother of two. Her path to parenthood spans over a decade, beginning at age 33 and encompassing nearly every facet of the fertility journey—from unexplained infertility and IUI success in her mid-30s to navigating the complexities of IVF and donor eggs in her 40s.
A fierce advocate for her own reproductive health, Rosey’s story is defined by her persistence in uncovering “silent endometriosis” and her eventual success with a donor egg pregnancy at age 43. Today, she shares her experiences to empower other women to trust their intuition and advocate for the answers they deserve.
Connect with Rosey:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/roseyjenm/
If you have just started the donor egg process, I have a FREE guide to navigating the donor egg process. It’s 10 Q&A’s that will help you with the process.
Key Topics
- A Decade-Long Journey: Rosey reflects on the ten-year transition from her first IUI success at 36 to navigating the complex world of advanced fertility treatments in her 40s.
- The IVF Rollercoaster: A candid look at the emotional and physical toll of multiple failed IVF retrievals and transfers, and the difficult decision to pivot her strategy.
- Uncovering “Silent” Endometriosis: How Rosey used her intuition and professional background as a nurse to advocate for a ReceptivaDX test, leading to a diagnosis of silent endometriosis and treatment with Lupron.
- The Power of Donor Eggs: Navigating the mindset shift required to move toward donor eggs and the joy of successfully conceiving her son at age 43.
- The Surprise Pregnancy at 45: The shock of a natural, spontaneous pregnancy two years after her donor egg success, and the emotional complexity of the miscarriage that followed.
- Trusting Your Intuition: Rosey shares advice on how to be your own medical advocate and why “unexplained infertility” often just means the right questions haven’t been asked yet.
Resources & Links
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
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YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Circle and Bloom Meditation: https://circlebloom.com/
Jessie Mundell Prenatal Fitness Coach: https://jessiemundell.com/
Shop More: See ALL products recommended by our guests!
Support the Podcast: Donate to the Podcast
Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
Transcript
Jamie: Rosie, welcome to the show.
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be here. I’m a big fan of your show.
Oh, thank you. And we are sharing Rosie’s story at 44. But before we get started, Rosie, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Rosey: I’m a nurse in the Midwest and I live with my husband, my son, and my daughter.
Jamie: How old are they? Just to give reference.
Rosey: My daughter is seven and my son is 10 months.
Jamie: Tell us like, did you always want kids? How did this begin?
Rosey: No, actually. I was fairly confident I did not want children or I would adopt, I don’t know, in my twenties. It was just not on my radar and I just wasn’t sure. Then I met my now husband and after we dated for a few years, it was something that I was interested in. We got married when I turned 33 and I felt fairly sure that I wanted children at that time.
That’s when we started like not preventing. I had an IUD in and I got that removed a few months after we got married. And at the time we were moving and like looking to sell the current house we were living in. I just remember thinking like, I’m not even gonna worry about getting pregnant. It’s just gonna happen when the time is right. I’m 33, no big deal. Like I’ll get pregnant whenever and that’ll be fine. So many people stress out about it and that’s just not gonna be me.
Jamie: We always think it’s not gonna be us.
Rosey: Yeah, obviously, like I said, we were busy with other things in life and a year went by and I think what kind of triggered me thinking about it was one of my coworkers announced her pregnancy.
And I remember thinking like, oh, I’m not pregnant yet. That’s interesting. And I was like maybe I should try and figure out. Are we doing everything correctly or should I be doing something better here? So got on Dr. Google and read a little bit of information and I was like, oh, we have not been timing this appropriately at all.
I didn’t know, there’s only this brief window of time every month and we haven’t even been trying to do that. So I think we just need to time things better. So started, trying to time things a little better and still nothing happened. And at that point I’m like 34, 34 and a half, something like that.
And I reached out to my aunt, who is an IVF nurse, and I told her what had been going on and I was like, do you have any tips for us? I don’t know what to do. And she was like, yeah, why don’t you try having sex like every other day after your period? And up until like day 20 for a few months and just have your OB run some basic tests and just work on that for a while and then circle back if nothing happens.
And I was like, okay. So saw the ob, everything was fine. And then we did what my aunt said and still nothing was happening. At that point I go back to my aunt and she recommended me with an OB that she worked with. He was an OB but did fertility on the side. I met with him and he did a little bit more investigation and we did some timed intercourse, Clomid.
He thought we had unexplained infertility. Semen analysis was good enough. But still nothing was happening. And there was like this issue with that ob, like one of my labs, my prolactin was elevated and he was suggesting that I needed a brain MRI to check for like a benign pituitary tumor and which I was willing to get, but it was like a thousand dollars or something even with insurance.
So I was like, can we just like double check it because I don’t wanna go spend this money If it’s comes back normal the second time, if it’s still elevated, I will go do this. And I had been doing some reading that said, prolactin should be drawn, like first thing in the morning, don’t eat or drink, don’t work out.
And I had done all of those things the other time I had it drawn and it was the middle of the day. So I went ahead and got it redrawn and it was normal. And I just at that point, wanted to move on from that doctor. And my aunt sent me to an re that she worked with. He was in private practice.
He didn’t do IVF, he just did everything leading up to that. He did like cycle monitoring, time intercourse, IUI. So we did all of that with him. Nothing was really happening. He didn’t really find anything other than thick cervical mucus, but everything else was like checking out. Okay.
He put me on estrogen patches to help with that to help thin your mucus. But anyway, we, we did an IUI with him with file stone, with injectables that didn’t work. And then we did a second IUI and he told me, this is your final IUI before I would recommend moving on to IVF. At this point, I don’t think I’ve mentioned at this point I am now like 35, 36.
Anyway, we do the second IUI with him. I had an HSG before that IUI just to make sure my tubes were good. And I was feeling very hopeful at the beginning of that cycle. And then I started testing too early. I was getting negatives and I was like. This didn’t work. This totally didn’t work.
And I was telling my aunt this didn’t work. Like we’re moving on to IVF, I’m checked out of this. And so I even filled out all the IVF paperwork. I got like finances in order and my beta was coming up. I ended up getting like a stomach bug right before my beta
Jamie: Oh
Rosey: and I even tested the morning. I felt sick. It was like 14 days after the IUI and it was negative. So I was like, yep, not pregnant, but I was in bed for two days and then I woke up the morning of my beta and I was like, I am going to just test one more time. So I’m like mentally prepared that it’s gonna be negative and we’re moving on to IVF.
And I woke up that morning and I was like, I’m really dehydrated from the stomach bug, so it should be pretty accurate. And it was positive. I had never had a positive pregnancy test before in my life. I was 36 then, and that was my daughter.
Jamie: Wow,
Rosey: so yeah,
Jamie: that’s wild. So 14 days after the IUI.
Rosey: it was still negative. And he did his beta 16 days after the IUI and that’s when I got my positive. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s incredible. I would never think it would take that long to test positive.
Rosey: me neither. And I reminded myself of that as I was going through it a second time, but yeah, maybe it was like later implantation or something, I don’t know. I did a lot of different things that cycle. Like reiki and just random things and I wrote everything down ’cause I was like, okay, I found the like secret recipe for myself in case I need this later.
I had a good pregnancy and that was my daughter who is now seven, almost eight.
Jamie: Wow. So did you have a vaginal birth induction?
Rosey: So I opted to go to a birthing center with her. So I saw midwives for my pregnancy and I did have a vaginal birth. I was almost 42 weeks pregnant. I was on the verge of getting induced because they were like, we’re not letting you go past 42. And then like right before I was about to get induced, I was like, I’m going for a walk and.
Because my friend had said, just go for a really long walk and walk up a whole bunch of hills. And I was like, okay. So I go for this really long walk and walk up like nine hills and I swear on the way home from that walk I started having contractions. Yeah, it was just funny. But anyway, so I went into labor naturally then.
Unfortunately, like I ended up having, she ended up having meconium, like my water broke at home. It was meconium, thick meconium. And when I went into labor and delivery, like I had been contracting in home for I don’t know, 12 hours. And I went in and I was like, just one centimeter. And that’s what I was the day before when they had seen me.
And I was like so bummed out. ’cause I thought I was, getting through them and. With the meconium and the lack of progress, they moved me up to labor and delivery. Like out of the birthing center, like this birthing center was affiliated with a hospital.
I tried to hang in there, but, and I had a doula and everything, but I just got to the point where I was like, I’m not dilating. I’ve been having these contractions for 16 hours. Like I feel like I need to get an epidural. Like I just am so uncomfortable at this point. And that ended up being the best decision ’cause I just was able to relax and things started happening. We ended up, doing all the things as opposed to a more natural unmedicated birth.
Like I had amnio infusion, Pitocin, epidural, like all the things. And everything was good. With the meconium, she had a lot of difficulty breathing after she was born and she needed some resuscitation and she got taken to NICU right away. And she had to stay in the hospital for a few days after we were discharged. But other than that. It was a good, it was a good birth and I was glad I got to have her vaginally for sure.
Jamie: yeah. Yeah. Going to those 42 weeks. Did you have an a lot of anxiety?
Rosey: I don’t remember feeling anxious. I used to be a labor and delivery nurse, so I just was like, I really tried to just keep an open mind. I was like I have a birth plan, but I know that this doesn’t always work out. So I don’t remember anxiety at all, but I just remember it’s time. There’s no way we can keep her in any longer. Like I wasn’t uncomfortable or anything either.
Jamie: Okay, now that you have your daughter, what did you always want a second?
Rosey: When I envisioned us having children, I was thinking we would’ve two. I was like, yeah, maybe when she’s between one and two, we’ll go ahead and try for another one. And after I had her, I was like, oh my gosh, this is a lot of work. I cannot imagine another child in this mix. I wasn’t really certain that I wanted to have another one right away.
When she was getting closer to two, I thought I can see how this possibly could be manageable. I delivered her a week after I turned 37. And so when she’s two, now I am 39. And I was really aware of my age and like thinking, okay, I’m not sure, but I think I need to figure this out sooner rather than later.
Like I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure it out because of my age. But when I was 39, like that was fall of 2019. So COVID, was around the corner and I feel like just, the option to get treatment right away wasn’t available. Plus it was just, those times were uncertain. It felt kind weird, like trying for a baby aggressively to us at the beginning of all that. However, we tried it home and just in a very relaxed way, but again, like nothing was happening. So I think I gave that maybe six months to a year. And then as I was inching closer to 40, I was like, okay, I have got to get serious about this. Like it’s now I’m 40 and I need to make this choice. So I was like, okay we’re gonna start timing things better. I worked with a functional medicine doctor and I was like dialing in my diet and supplements and I was like, I’m gonna give this a little time.
If it doesn’t work, I’m gonna see an re though the re that I really liked that had done the IUI, he had since retired, so going back to him was not an option anymore. He had referred me to a different clinic. So that’s after the functional medicine doctor thing didn’t work out or nothing? No. Pregnancy has occurred. We moved on to that clinic. I met with the doctor there and she was like, everything looks good. It’s just your age. We’re battling your age. And I was like, okay.
And I was very like, I know. Because right now I’m like, man, 40 seems so young.
Jamie: I know.
Rosey: I dunno. But anyway so no, you’re fine. But I remember telling her, I do not wanna do IVF, like I use work before, let’s just do IUI. So I had like my whole workup with them and to get started with things there, I felt like it took forever.
Like it took months. And we did two I UIs there and they did not work. And I actually hated it there. Like their whole process. It was just a really big clinic, a whole bunch of doctors. It has ties with Catholicism, I believe, but they just do like cycle monitoring. Timed intercourse? No, IVF? No, IUI. But this doctor came highly recommended. Oh, and they do surgery like for endometriosis and stuff, or corrective things that can be corrected via surgery. But anyway, I met with him and yeah, he talked about the age thing again. We did another HSG, which was fine. Just did one cycle with timed intercourse and follow stem, and that did not work. And I remember he had me meet with one of his nurses and she like went over all this like: how to monitor your cervical mucus. And I just remember in that meeting with her, like thinking I am beyond this.
This is 10 years ago stuff, like I can’t waste my time with this cervical mucus stuff. I don’t know, I was just like I’m done. So at that point my aunt, was an IVF nurse and I reached out to her and I was like, okay, I didn’t wanna do IVF, but I’m really sure I want another baby.
So I guess I’m ready to do IVF. Her doctor did only mini IVF and he specialized in here, but like older women. So I really liked the fact that he did minimal stimulation and like the thought behind that was just getting like higher quality embryos, smaller amounts, and we only wanted one more child. So again, I felt like this aligned with my values. So she got me in with her doctor.
This is probably when I’m like 41 I think. And we planned for our first retrieval and we did that I think since it’s a mini stem. I think we had five or six eggs or something. And we only ended up with one embryo that cycle. I was pretty bummed. I remember feeling really upset about that and my. At the time my a MH was like almost three, like it was pretty high. So that really wasn’t an issue for me. We planned another retrieval because I wanted to have more than one. So a few months later we did another retrieval and I don’t know, maybe seven eggs or something, but we ended up getting three embryos, so we had four embryos between those two retrievals, and I felt like pretty confident with that.
Jamie: Yeah, I would be too.
Rosey: Yeah. And they only do frozen transfers, so like they just freeze all, like they think it’s better to just let your body rest and your lining recover because they use Clomid a lot with their stimulation. After we had those four, we planned on transfers, so we transferred two, and this was like probably when I’m almost 42. I couldn’t wait for the blood test. And I remember going to like the pharmacy or something and taking a urine test like in the bathroom at the pharmacy. And I saw like a faint line and I was like, yes, I’m pregnant. That’s all we needed. IVF does work like this. No problem. Like I was just like, this is no big deal. Like I had no, like my only perspective was I got a positive pregnancy test at home with my daughter and that’s all we needed. And that was that. So I just was thinking the exact same thing would
Jamie: Yeah, you’ve never experienced anything else.
Rosey: No. Yeah, so I, I think my blood test was the next day, and then my aunt text me like my beta, gosh, I wanna say it was like low twenties or something like
Jamie: Oh.
Rosey: And I was like, what? This can happen, like this isn’t high enough. And she’s we’ll recheck it again. I see these pop up all the time. But I just, I don’t know, I just felt no, it’s not going to come around. I just had that feeling. But this beta would not, it would just like state exactly the same for a week. We just ended up calling it like, it’s not rising, nothing’s happening. So I had a chemical pregnancy, which I didn’t even know what that was.
I’m still feeling pretty hopeful. We had two embryos left and I was like, okay, I got pregnant. That’s a good sign. Like we still have two embryos, let’s keep going forward. So we planned another transfer and this is now I’m like 42. And we transferred those and I got pregnant again. And this time the beta looked fantastic. Everything looked great, and I don’t think I mentioned this, but I briefly met with a doctor in New York. His name is Sammy David. He looks at your whole case and he just makes sure nothing was missed. So I met with him and the only thing he found was like I had high natural killer cells, which I know is like controversial in the world.
Like some people, the world of infertility, some people believe in it and some people, some doctors don’t. But I was like, the treatment for it was intralipid infusions at the time of transfer. And I’m like it seems like benign enough, let’s just go ahead and do it. So I was having those infusions with my transfers. So he was also monitoring my betas like extra carefully, like even outside of the fertility clinic. And everything was just looking really good. However, I don’t know, I just was very uneasy. I just felt like something didn’t feel right. And I think right before my ultrasound, like the eight week ultrasound, I just started to feel like something had shifted.
I don’t know.
Jamie: So I you just know though.
Rosey: yeah, I know. So I go in for my eight week ultrasound and the OB was like, I don’t have good news. Like I could just see from his face. He was just like, the baby doesn’t have a heartbeat and you’ve had a miscarriage. And I was just like. Again, my reference point was with my daughter, and even though I felt like something wasn’t right, just this just also wasn’t on my radar.
And I was like, obviously devastated. That was one of the lows, I would say in my fertility journey because, you go into these appointments thinking you’re gonna leave with like baby pictures and all the things, and then you’re deciding within 10 minutes, like, how are we gonna have this miscarriage?
I’m sure a lot of women can relate to that, but it was right before Christmas and I just chose to have a DNC because I just didn’t think I could do it at home. So I had the DNC right before Christmas 2022. And that was a, like I said, a very hard time.
I started working with a perinatal neuropsychologist, like on Voxer is how she does her service. I got to talk to her, Monday through Friday every day. And I just feel like working with her, like I was very proactive in getting myself support. ‘Cause this is hard stuff. So working with her, I felt like I had the courage and desire to move forward and do another retrieval, and I just started to feel like this was possible that I could move forward.
We did a third retrieval, this is like March, 2023 42. And that was like our best retrieval. Like we ended up getting four embryos from that cycle.
Jamie: Oh, that’s great.
Rosey: Yeah, it was, we were really excited but. Again, my reference point had changed. Like we had four embryos before and we didn’t end up with a baby. So I was like that’s not enough. I was like let’s do another retrieval because something is really going right in my body. We just got four. Let’s go for this now while everything seems to be like going well.
We did another retrieval a few months later and it was like right around the time my daughter was graduating from preschool. I remember being really nervous that the retrieval was gonna be on the same day as the graduation.
Thankfully it wasn’t, but I was at her graduation and my aunt was calling me, and usually she just texted me a fertilization report. This time she’s calling me and I’m like, oh this is unusual. And so she calls me and she’s they had gotten maybe five or six eggs, I don’t really even remember, but she was like, so unfortunately this time, like none of your eggs look good enough to even fertilize. So we didn’t end up with any embryos this time. The embryologists thought. They just all looked not good. And when that stuff happens, again, I’m sure listeners can relate, but it like reinforces the ideas that all of my eggs are bad, that kind of thing.
Here’s proof. I. obviously devastated. I would say that was another low point in the journey. But I just remember coming home that day after the graduation, like crying, and I just was like, I’m done with my eggs. Like I am not having another retrieval. I just knew I was done.
I just was like, I can’t write another check for this. What if this happens next time too? I don’t know. I just felt like completely done. I was like we still have four frozen embryos, so maybe that made it a little easier, but I’m like, let’s just transfer these and we’ll see what happens. So gave it a few months of rest time and then we transferred to the embryos, which that did not work. And then shortly thereafter we transferred the other two and those did not work either.
Jamie: You didn’t even get a positive. Just didn’t work.
Rosey: it just didn’t work. Yeah, I know. And we had done a few things, like I did like an endometrial scratch and tried an antibiotics, like just to treat anything. I tried steroids, like they did. They changed a few things up hysteroscopy, which was normal. Like we did different things. But unfortunately just like nothing, nothing worked. Just, my personality was thinking what if these four embryos don’t work? Before we got to that point, I was like what are my options here?
And we were thinking adoption, foster care, donor embryo, donor egg, like exploring all those options. And I really felt like donor egg was what I wanted to do for me. And in speaking with my husband, he felt similarly. didn’t feel like a genetic component was that important to me. And maybe it’s easier ’cause I have my daughter, I don’t know.
I just really wanted to be pregnant again. I really enjoyed being pregnant. I wanted to have that whole experience and I just felt like that was the way for me to have that. So in the back of my mind, that was my plan if those embryos didn’t work. So around that time, my aunt’s clinic was relocating and she had told me if you wanna get started with donor eggs right away you can totally switch clinics because we’re gonna be shutting down for a few months. And I did wanna get started right away. And I just felt maybe even though I loved it there, like maybe a change of scenery would be good and just like fresh perspective or whatever.
Jamie: Yeah, but what a cool experience to have your aunt be the communication, I thought, I think that’s really neat.
Rosey: It was amazing. Like my stress level, I have nothing bad to say. My stress level there was just so low. Like it was amazing, like black and white difference, day and night difference compared to that clinic that I was working with before them. But also, maybe that was divine timing, just new perspective because I did like to change things up.
When you’re on this journey a long time, I just can’t keep doing the exact same thing over and, I just felt like just maybe seeing a different acupuncturist or trying different supplement or just anything to tweak it a little bit, I felt like just was better for my mental health. So we decided to switch to it was like a big university clinic in town and I want the best re I want the head re and I’m not messing around anymore. I just, I don’t know, I just had thoughts in my mind of how I wanted things to go. And that’s the only thing I will say.
And this is on me, not on my aunt, but I probably, like, when I was working with her, I didn’t wanna be a problem child, because it was a relative. And even though we’re really close, like I just wanted to be, go with the flow and like moving forward, I was like, I don’t have to be like that anymore, and not that I had to be before, again, that’s on me, but I was like, I am gonna be very, take charge of my journey, like going forward. So I met with. The head already there and I said, I’m ready to do donor eggs. And he thought that was a great plan.
When I had met with that NaPro doctor going back a little ways, he had offered to do a lap to check for endo. And I was like, why would I do that? I don’t have any symptoms. Wouldn’t that have come up in some other way? And he is actually no, unless you have surgery, we cannot tell you a hundred percent whether you have endo or not. And he is I just wanted to offer it to you because 50% of women with infertility have endo.
And sometimes the only symptom is infertility. But at the time I was like, no, I don’t wanna have surgery. Like I don’t have endo. I just put it in the back of my mind. However, I had trouble, when I was 33 getting pregnant. And I know as I got older, everyone was like, it’s your age, it’s your age, it’s your age. But I kept having to point out like actually, I’m sure my age is not helping me here, but there’s something else. That was preexisting before I was in my forties, so I reconsidered the endometriosis thing. I had been hearing a lot about the receptive test, which is like a non-invasive way to check for endo.
It’s just like they do a endometrial biopsy in the office and it’s not a hundred percent, but I feel like it’s 90, 95, 98. Like it’s high as far as determining whether you may have endo or not. So I had asked about it previously and my aunt’s doctor that she worked with, like just, wasn’t a believer in it. And so I just let it go. But that’s why I was like, this time I wanna go ahead and get that done. Because I just wanted to know what has been my issue like all these years.
Jamie: Sure
Rosey: ’cause we haven’t prevented pregnancy in 10 years and the only time I’ve gotten pregnant is with assisted, reproductive technology. So even this head re at this university who’s very like up to date with everything, he was like I don’t really think you need to do that test. He is like, why don’t we just do a transfer and if it doesn’t work, then we can do the receptive. And I was like, no. I was like, I’ve already had four failed transfers. Why would I do that to myself?
Jamie: Good for you.
Rosey: And he was like $600. I’m like, I don’t care. I was like, that’s like nothing in this world, right? I am like, I was like, I don’t care. That’s fine. Let’s do it. And he is okay, all all right. And he, so he came around to the idea and set me up for it.
And so his nurse practitioner did it, and then I got a message from his nurse this doctor wants to meet with you to discuss your results. And I was like, so was it positive? And she was like yeah. And I was like. Okay yeah, I’m glad, like I advocated for myself.
Jamie: that is really good. And after four failed transfers, ugh. It’s yeah, let’s do something.
Rosey: It’s like donor eggs, you don’t have an unlimited supply. They’re expensive. Like I don’t wanna risk wasting any.
Jamie: Yeah.
Rosey: So yeah, I was positive. So he said, would you like to have a laparoscopic surgery to remove any endometriosis that we find? Or the other option is going on two months of Lupron, which puts you into menopause pretty quickly. But it settles, like it lowers your estrogen, so it settles all the endometriosis down. And it was just an easy choice for me because I didn’t wanna have surgery because I didn’t feel like I had any endo symptoms.
And I was just like, let’s do the Lupron. I just feel like that’s what feels right. I did the Lupron for two months. It wasn’t too bad. I would totally do it again.
Jamie: Yeah. I think this is when we started talking, ’cause I remember you getting on Lupron back then.
Rosey: Yeah. I think what kept me going throughout my whole journey was just listening to success stories. And I think I found your podcast on iTunes podcast or whatever, apple Podcasts. And I just, I have to listen to success stories ’cause I, yeah, I remember your transfer was October 25th and that’s my birthday. I know. So I was like, oh, this is like a sign. I need to keep listing to this. But yeah, I remember listening Yeah. And talking to you.
So yeah. Went on Lupron and. We had six frozen eggs. And I was able to pick out a donor pretty easily. Like just asked the clinic what egg banks do you guys recommend?
Because otherwise I felt like it was overwhelming, just like all the choices. So they gave me like three and then that kind of narrowed things down but the donor we picked, she had two children and I felt like that was really important to me that she was like a proven donor because I’m like she has children. I’ve carried a baby and had a baby before my husband proven fertility. So I feel like I’m trying to push the odds in our favor.
Jamie: Yeah, I think you, you put that in my head that a proven donor is a good idea because I didn’t even think about that when I was choosing my donor, and I was like, oh, that does make a lot of sense.
Rosey: Yeah I just felt right. Yeah. And I think my aunt maybe had mentioned that to me too. She was like, sometimes the really young never had kids or have never donated before. She’s that makes me nervous. And I was like, okay, so maybe I’m not gonna do that then.
But our donor, I just felt like I loved her appearance. Appearance. She, I just wanted someone with like brown hair and big brown eyes. So I felt like she looked similar to me. She wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. I used to be a labor and delivery nurse. Just, all her answers felt really in line with like our beliefs and things I would say. And. Yeah, so we picked her out pretty quickly. There was another one we were interested in, but something wasn’t working right with the genetic testing, like both that donor and my husband had to get done. It wasn’t lined up super good. Like we were gonna have to track that donor down to get more testing.
So we just were like, okay, that’s a sign, let’s just move on with this one. So we had a lot of six eggs and after my two months of Lupron, so this is when I am 43 we defrosted the eggs, fertilize them. I got a call from the clinic and this is, I remember talking to you about this for sure.
’cause I remember I was losing my mind and you were like saying all this really positive stuff and it was so helpful. But I remember, I knew you had went through it too, so I was messaging you on Instagram, but they called, so we had six Frozen and they called and they were like, oh, only four made it,
Jamie: I was like, girl, four is amazing.
Rosey: But I was like, oh no. I was like, I don’t know, I was just like, doom spiraling. Just thinking like, how are we losing eggs again or, I dunno, after you’ve been through all of this, hell your mind, sometimes goes like right to the gutter just goes right to the negative.
Anyway, so they fertilized those four and the nurse called me, I don’t know, within a day or two and she, I could tell she was really excited when she called me. Like she just sounded like she had joy in her voice. And she’s like, all four fertilize. And I was like, yay, thank God. So it really didn’t matter that we only had four, but we ended up with three, like on day five or whatever, we had a blast, which they transferred.
And then on day six we had two more blasts that they froze. And then there was one they said just petered out. So we ended up transferring that blast. And I did not have a very calm, like five days like waiting to. I don’t know if it was my blood drawn or if I was just planning to like pee on a stick five days later, but my daughter was like sick, very sick and I was stressing out ’cause I was on steroids and I was just like, oh my gosh, am I gonna get a fever or sick? Or I was wearing a mask, like I was taking her to urgent care. Like I was not zenned out whatsoever. And I’m mentioning that because then I was stressing out that I was stressing.
Jamie: Sure.
Rosey: This was like right around Easter and I remember I took a pregnancy test on Easter and I saw a faint line. So this is five days after my five day transfer and I was like, oh my God, it’s, oh my gosh, it’s positive.
I was so excited and I didn’t even tell my husband for 24 hours. And it was seriously like. Yeah, like I got a positive pregnancy test, but, and we were both like, yeah, okay, we, we’ve just been through it. It’s just hard to get really excited because you just have been there before and it didn’t work out, so you are a little guarded.
But yeah, they drew my beta shortly thereafter. It was really good. It was really high. Everything looked good. I was very anxious to get to that eight week ultrasound just because that’s when we had a miscarriage before. But it was just like one foot in front of the other, like walking into it. As soon as the tech put the probe in, she’s there’s a heartbeat. And I was like, thank God.
Jamie: That’s, you’re holding your breath until you hear those words.
Rosey: And I just feel like that’s all I needed. I just needed to make it to that point because I felt like pretty calm and not too much anxiety the rest of the time. Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah, how was the rest of your pregnancy?
Rosey: good. I did have nausea but it was too bad. Like I never threw up or anything. Just nausea and I took ginger and I did those like c bands. They like those acupressure bands that you wear around your wrists, wore those 24 7 and it stopped after the first trimester. I had some headaches. In the first trimester too, but I took magnesium for those, occasionally Tylenol, but those didn’t last too long either. I really, I enjoyed being pregnant and I was like looking forward to it. I had a good pregnancy, like even, despite some minor complaints, like as things went on, I had heartburn and I took like Tums or Prilosec or Pepcid.
And that kind of managed that. And even at the end I had RLS, but I don’t know, it just, none of it really bothered me. I just was just so grateful to like finally be at this point. Because it was a really long journey, like 10 years, like from when I started at 33 and now I am 40, 43 to get to two kids.
Jamie: Yeah. So what were your fears going into this? Or did you have any with donor eggs?
Rosey: Yes, I was nervous. I wasn’t gonna bond with the baby. I was nervous just how it was all going to play out. I think that was my biggest fear. I tried to listen to a lot of podcasts slash talk to other women who had went through this just to reassure myself. I think I talked to you, I talked to, I know one friend of mine adopted and she is I feel like I’m so bonded to my child.
So it just helps talking to other women. And I will say now that I have went through that, I feel like it’s not the bonding thing has been a non-issue. Like I just feel like we’re so bonded. For sure.
Jamie: think I did a real specifically, like in response to all your fears, I was like, bonding is not gonna be an issue.
Rosey: No. No, not at all. Yeah, it was amazing. Oh, and I did oh no, I did mention that like my daughter had to be taken away right away after birth. I feel like the fact that I got to hold him right away and he got to breastfeed right away just made a world of difference. And I also had a lot of breastfeeding challenges with my daughter that we didn’t have this, so it just was all so different in a really good way.
Jamie: Yeah. Going back to your pregnancy, did you do PGT testing to know the sex?
Rosey: Yes, we did. There was a little controversy because of it being a donor egg, but I worked with my ob, we figured out like there was like one or two companies that you could have it done with where donor egg wasn’t an issue. Like I talked to the rep from that company on the phone she’s yes, we can separate out all the DNAs and not the other, not all the companies do that, but I was nervous about it ’cause I didn’t want anything to be like false or inconclusive because of the donor egg thing.
But once we figured it out, had it done and it was all good and yeah, we found out it was a boy right away at that time.
Jamie: That’s fine. And you were thinking about going to a midwife or ob. How did you decide between those two?
Rosey: I was interested in going to the midwife group again, but they really wanted you to try and do. Labor medication free. And just based on my experience previously, I don’t know, I just didn’t think I could commit to that. Like they were fine with IVF and my age and donor eggs, but they just were like, you have to go into it not wanting an epidural.
And I was like I feel like I might want an epidural. So I just ended up with my OB, who was fine. The only complaint I would say is, I swear like every appointment she was like since you’re over forty.do we’re gonna do this test. I feel like she just reminded me of my age constantly. But all of the tests, everything came back fine.
Like I didn’t have any issues other than what I mentioned, like no gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, et cetera, et cetera. I had a low lying placenta, which resolved the baby. Was he was measuring bigger, like 80 90th percentile the whole time. And she was like we might wanna do an elective C-section if he continues to trend like this large.
That’s something I really didn’t want. However, he was breach up until kind of the end. So I really had to get to the point. I was like, okay, I had this placenta thing, he’s allegedly like bigger and now he’s breached. Like maybe the universe is just trying to say I need to have a C-section here. I don’t know, I just was like fine, whatever. If I have to have a C-section, I’m just letting it go. And I swear, like the next time she checked, he had turned.
Jamie: That’s
Rosey: Yeah. Yeah. And I used, I did a lot of homeopathy during my pregnancy for like different complaints. I had taken, I think it’s Pulsatilla was like the remedy that the homeopath gave me to try. I did that and I tried spinning babies, but I don’t know, I wasn’t very good about it. It really aggravated my heartburn, so I wasn’t really good about it.
Jamie: You’re like upside down, so it’s gonna make it worse.
Rosey: Yeah. But he turned, so all was good. And my ob. That was the other thing. She was like the midwives, they’re gonna let you go to 42 weeks.
And just again, the experience I had with my daughter, I was like, I don’t wanna do that again. It’s not that I was uncomfortable, I just, I feel like in my mind I just equated being 42 weeks with her needing to go to the NICU or something. And I know that does not always happen, but I just really wanted to do something different this time.
My ob wanted to induce me like between 39 and 40 weeks, and I was okay with that, just having a second child. It just makes like the logistics of everything a little easier. Like I could plan to get her to someone who could watch her and then we go in and get induced. It just took the stress down for me. I got induced like 39 and a half weeks. And it was a really good experience for sure.
Jamie: Walk us through that experience and getting to the hospital.
Rosey: Yeah, so we like went in on a Sunday night and they did cytotech overnight, and I just cramped, like mild contractions, cramping all night. I couldn’t sleep. It was too uncomfortable. I felt like I slept for 10 minutes, but in the morning came in and they let me eat a little bit and started Pitocin and the doctor came in at nine o’clock, broke my water.
And I feel like things happened pretty quickly. Like I got an epidural. I feel like I co probably could have held out for the epidural, but I was just. It’s so hard to know when to call it. Am I in enough pain? And I didn’t wanna be like super duper uncomfortable and not being able to hold still. So got an epidural at some point in the morning there and then we had him like around four o’clock that afternoon. Like it, I feel like it went pretty fast.
Jamie: Yeah. How long did you push for.
Rosey: I wanna say 30 minutes to an hour. I’m not a hundred percent sure. Like it didn’t feel that long. He was bigger though. Like my daughter was six 12 and he was eight pounds, one ounce. But obviously so glad I did not have a C-section because he was not this ginormous baby that they thought he was going to be so bigger, but not, huge.
Jamie: Yeah. Did you have any did you want any delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, all that?
Rosey: Delayed cord clamping. I didn’t even really think about it too much. She offered it to me and I think I just was like, whatever. I was just like glad that I had the baby. She like asked me right after I had him and I was like, whatever. But yeah, I wanted skin to skin for sure because we didn’t get to do that with my daughter and that was amazing.
I did have a postpartum hemorrhage. But my doctor was very aggressive and she gave me all these meds right away and so everything was okay. It was just like I lost the amount of blood I would have lost if I would’ve had a C-section is what she said.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Rosey: so just a higher amount for a vaginal birth.
Jamie: That doesn’t sound too bad.
Rosey: It wasn’t bad. I felt, I heard the urgency in her voice. ’cause I used to be a labor and delivery nurse, but I was like, it’s cool. It’s gonna be okay. She’s medicating me. It’s all gonna be fine.
Jamie: Very nice.
Rosey: Yeah.
Jamie: so how was your recovery?
Rosey: Good. I felt like I had a second degree laceration. I felt a little more uncomfortable from that this time. And I felt like my bleeding lasted longer. But I feel like with my daughter, I put a lot of effort into how I wanted the birth to be, and I realized after the fact like, that’s, it’s important, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a brief period of time.
Like I am going to put a lot more effort into postpartum this time. ’cause I didn’t plan for that as well as I would’ve liked to the first time. And I didn’t realize how important it was. So I like stocked our freezer with quick meals and I worked with that perinatal neuropsychologist. I like lined her up to be on Voxer with her postpartum, like throughout my whole postpartum so I could talk to someone every day.
I researched different supplements just to support my mood. And the homeopath, same thing. I asked for recommendations for postpartum from them. And I don’t even think I had baby blues. I cried a couple times, but it was like 15 minutes. It was just, I just feel like the whole postpartum experience was so much better, so different in a good way.
And my son, I think it was just an easier baby, was breastfeeding well. And with my daughter, I ended up pumping exclusively pumping. Just, everything was just so much better.
Jamie: Yeah, but you are also really proactive with it too, and I think that is an important thing to point out Also.
Rosey: Definitely. So I feel like we had a great postpartum.
Jamie: Yeah. How now you are doing exclusive breastfeeding. Tell us about that.
Rosey: Yeah, it really, he just was a champion from the beginning. We had a few hiccups, but again, I was very proactive. I went and saw lactation consultants if there was any concerns and they just alleviated my fears or we did some tweaking for a while. I think he was refusing to nurse on one side and they had me use a nipple shield on that side to slow the flow down and started like not liking the nipple shield, so then we just got back to just regular nursing. Everything was just a little hiccup. And then we’re still breastfeeding to this day,
Jamie: Oh, that’s great.
Rosey: yeah.
Jamie: What are your plans for weaning? How long do you wanna go?
Rosey: I don’t have any plans. Obviously I was hoping to make it to a year. I have a lot of frozen milk. But I just feel like as long as we’re both enjoying it, I can’t see us going longer than like age two, but I am just gonna see how it goes. Like I’m open to whatever works out for both of us.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s wonderful. You were telling me that the first time you were exclusively pumping and then you went to full-time and I was jealous and also nervous for you at the same time.
Rosey: I got into a groove, like I just had a system. But yeah, I will definitely say that breastfeeding directly and not having to pump is a lot easier in the long run. Not having to wash all those parts, bottle parts, pump parts. Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Is there anything else you wanna mention about postpartum or pregnancy?
Rosey: I would say that I feel like he is just having a good pregnancy and postpartum pregnancy, especially as I was really. Just staying super active like the entire time. I feel like just that helped me feel really good. And like I did a lot of meditations just that were specifically for pregnancy, just to keep positive frame of mind.
So I feel like those are just two key things that just helped me. And also like listening to podcasts, listening to positive birth stories. I didn’t wanna hear any bad stories. I just wanted to like, keep laser focused on the outcome that I wanted.
Jamie: You mentioned about staying active. What kind of activities did you do?
Rosey: walking was huge for me. I lifted weights and I did a pregnancy specific, like workout plan, prenatal yoga. Cycling that kind of like spinning like on a stationary bike like Peloton. But that kind of became a little uncomfortable towards the end just ’cause my stomach was so big and like leaning over.
Jamie: Do you think being active helped you have an easier birth at the end?
Rosey: I think so. I think so. Like I didn’t have any pain. And I have scoliosis too and I have, I had spinal fusion for that when I was a teenager, so I just had no back pain. I just felt like physically for the most part, really good the whole time. And yeah, I do feel like my birth was great. I felt strong.
Compared to my daughter this birth. I remember feeling just like on Cloud nine after it like just wow, that was so amazing and love this baby. It was just like I had all those feelings and I didn’t have that with her. And again, maybe it’s ’cause she was in nicu, but I just remember feeling so feeling mentally afterwards.
Jamie: Yeah. Do you also think it was because of your second? Do you think that made a difference?
Rosey: Yeah. And you know what to expect. Like I don’t think anything can really prepare you the first time. Like I babysat babies. I had a like baby brother when I was a teenager, so I like thought I knew, but I did not know. I just feel like nothing really can prepare you. I feel like the transition from one to two was not a big deal.
I feel like the transition from zero to one was harder. Way harder for me.
Jamie: Yeah. I get that too. Yeah.
Rosey: Yeah.
Jamie: You still have a few embryos left. Do you have any plans for those?
Rosey: No, I feel like we’re…
Jamie: Let’s stop your story. Hi, Rosie.
Rosey: Hi.
Jamie: This is actually Jamie and Rosie from the future.
The last question I asked you was if you wanted to have more kids your forties and since the beginning, even when we were speaking, when you were looking for a donor, you said you just wanted one baby from this donor egg round, and we recorded your story four months ago. Can you tell us what happened since we recorded your story?
Rosey: Yes, absolutely. Just a little backstory is when I went to my six week postpartum check, the nurse practitioner was like, what do you wanna use for birth control? And I said. I don’t need birth control. I have severe infertility. Like we haven’t used birth control in 11 years and I’ve never got pregnant. So like I almost felt like her asking me that was triggering. Like I was just like, no. And she said something like, I don’t care unless you want another baby. You need to do something. I’ve seen crazy stuff happen and I said.
Okay, fine. Order, order me an IUD and I’ll get it put in, which I did have full intention of doing. They called me and told me that it was at the office, and then I rationalized I’m gonna wait till my period starts. And then my period came over the summer and then I said, oh I’m gonna wait till January 26th.
I really did write it in my calendar that I was going to make this appointment. But obviously I put it off. And then mid-December. 2025, I noticed that my period was late and that happens sometimes. So I truly thought it was just running a little late. And I did take a pregnancy test and it was positive. So for the first time in my life at age 45 I got pregnant naturally, which is just crazy. Crazy.
Jamie: How were you feeling about that?
Rosey: When I first saw the two lines, I was like, what? And I just was thinking, this has to be a chemical pregnancy or an extremely early miscarriage gonna happen. And I felt mad because.
Since I was 33, we were trying to have two children, and I’m like, why now? I’m done. I don’t want any more children. Obviously I am not opposed to having kids at any age, but for me personally, I just felt like I’m done. The door’s closed. I don’t wanna have two under two, my son was like a year, had just turned a year at the time, and, that just wasn’t the vision I had for my life. I was just mad at the universe, like, why is this happening now? And any other time in the past decade if this would’ve happened, I would’ve been ecstatic. And it just felt so cliche too, right?
You hear all these stories of people giving up or getting rid of their baby stuff or looking into adoption, and then they get pregnant. And that’s what I felt was happening to me because I had gotten rid of all my baby stuff and I just had a lot of mixed emotions.
I can’t say that I was excited or happy and I just. Was just like, what the hell?
Mind fuck. That was like the perfect description of what was going on because you spend, I spent like a decade, like praying for this to happen and wanting it to happen.
And now I was at a point in my life where I didn’t want it anymore. And I was like, I don’t know. It was just strange, all these feelings.
Jamie: And you felt guilty for feeling that way too?
Rosey: Absolutely. Yeah. Because I know there are so many people, I personally know, people still struggling, still wanting this.
I was in that position and I just felt awful that I was even having these feelings that were anything less than excitement. But I tried to have a lot of self-compassion because I didn’t wanna beat myself up. Obviously I was mad at myself that didn’t make getting the IUDA priority and then now we’re in this situation.
So yeah, I told my husband and he had a lot of the same mixed emotions for sure. Really when I first found out, I wanted the whole situation to go away. I didn’t know if I wanted to continue with the pregnancy, which again, I felt horrible about because I had spent so long trying to get pregnant.
However I wanted to give it like some time. And I got my betta on and it was like 3000. And I was just like, this really happening. And again, I expected it to be like a chemical or something. I don’t know. I think I was just in denial that this was going down. Got my beta done and then I made an appointment with the ob.
Then they did an ultrasound. And again, I just expected the ultrasound to just be like a miscarriage immediately or something, because I just couldn’t believe that this was happening. And they were like, oh, there’s the baby’s heartbeat, and the baby’s measuring appropriately, like according to your period.
And they told me it was six weeks. This is the day after Christmas, and I just was like, I just felt shocked. Just shock. That is pretty much the word, because I was just convinced this would never happen for me. And I made a pro and con list and. My husband had a lot of the same cons about, going forward with the pregnancy, everything was totally valid.
All of our concerns were so valid. But at the same time, like I knew, I just knew deep down there is no way I could like, and the pregnancy, because I feel like that would haunt me with our history. Like even though I didn’t feel a hundred percent on board I had to just move forward. That was my decision.
And I know there’s a thousand, 10,000 things that have to go right to end up with a live birth. So I just was still like, anything could happen. The OBS office said there’s like a 50% chance of miscarriage.
Jamie: 50%. Why did they give you that number?
Rosey: I don’t know. I was assuming age, but.
I don’t know. That’s just I asked, and that’s what she told me. So it was just one foot in front of the other. But we left that appointment and I think both of us were just in shock again, just because of everything we’ve been through. And for me, and I know you understand this too, like it was even more loaded because.
This was a chance at having a biological child, and not that my son is not my child, but it was just something that like I gave up or, just thought it was not going to happen. Again I have my daughter. I think that was a huge piece of it too, just having that.
Possibility.
Jamie: Yeah. Did you get to the point of acceptance?
Rosey: Yes. I think after that appointment, I lived in denial for a couple weeks. They give you like a packet of papers, has all the pregnancy information. I honestly couldn’t even, I couldn’t even go through it. I just, I don’t know.
Yeah, but I just, I couldn’t even go through it and I was just, I was having morning sickness and I just wanted to get through the days and take it a day at a time and get through the morning sickness symptoms. And it was hard because, you’re taking care of a 1-year-old and not feeling well.
It was very challenging and it was. The first time that I had been pregnant that I didn’t feel like super excited and grateful to be pregnant. And I think that previously if I ever heard someone maybe had a pregnancy and they weren’t happy about it, I would’ve never been able to understand that ever.
And now I do for sure. So I think from like week six to eight, I lived in denial. And then around week eight I noticed myself showing and I had this moment of okay, I guess this is happening and I can’t run from it. And I guess that I’m just going to have some radical acceptance here and.
Yes, I have mixed emotions, but I guess we’re gonna have a baby possibly. And here we go. And I’m like surrendering to the situation. Like I got to that point for sure. And I just anticipated like everything from then on out going well, like I think. Maybe just to take control of the situation or just make my nervous system feel more calm, like I concocted this story in my mind like a Disney movie ending of, there is no way the fertility gods would give me this pregnancy not give me some happy ending. Like I was just like, okay, I’m 45, I’m gonna have 202, I’m gonna have this baby. It’s going to be fine. This is gonna somehow work out and this is just how my story’s gonna end. Like I’m gonna have this triumphant ending of, I had to use donut eggs and then I got pregnant naturally after all these years at 45. And then, yes, we’re gonna end up with a baby. Like I just. I convinced myself that this was what was going to happen.
So yeah, so that was where I lived for the next two weeks, and then we get to my 10 week appointment and I go in, just thinking okay, everything’s gonna look good. We’re gonna do the NIPT test and just make sure everything’s good with the baby. Oh, and I wanna say like that, leading up to that appointment, my husband and I had, had more conversations and he still had a lot of concerns, which I did too. But he wasn’t a hundred percent on board. Not that I was either, but it was definitely causing a lot of stress and conflict between us. Like I had moved forward to acceptance and he wasn’t there yet. I went to the ultrasound at my, for my 10 week appointment and, I remember telling ultrasound tech like, oh yeah, I’ve never got pregnant before on my own.
And I didn’t really get very far into the story and she told me that she said something like, this isn’t a good 10 week pregnancy. And I could tell I didn’t see a heartbeat. ’cause after you go to so many of these, you can tell
Jamie: Yeah. You’re looking for it too.
Rosey: Yeah. The baby had definitely gotten bigger since we were there, but she was like, she just said, I’m sorry. And then if she, I shared this with you, but if she would’ve stopped there, that would’ve been appropriate. But she then said this wasn’t meant to be, and it was for the best.
And she then walked out of the room and I was like. I felt like her comments were so insensitive. Possibly judgmental. I don’t know. I don’t even know where this was coming from, but it definitely stung that she said that to me. Even though I did have mixed emotions, I was like, how do you know it wasn’t meant to be? And how do you know it was for the best? Yeah, I was very, despite having all of these mixed emotions, I was for sure very sad.
Like it’s still a loss. Definitely. I definitely was crying. At that point in time I was mostly feeling sad. There was maybe a small amount of relief, but just because of the stress I was causing and my marriage and, but still I was the overwhelming sadness was what I was feeling.
Jamie: Yeah.
Rosey: Despite everything. So the nurse practitioner came in and asked me, do you wanna have a miscarriage at home? Or, we can give you medication to speed things up, or you can have a DNC. I had a DNC with my second miscarriage. The first one was so early that we didn’t do anything, but I was really nervous when she was describing how it would happen at home. So I did have a DNC and they were able to schedule it the next day. My obstetrician actually said it looked like the pregnancy started as twins because she said she saw a second gestational sac. And then she was able to put the IUD in at the time of the DNC.
It’s been two weeks today I was still very sad for the first week, like crying, and I think the hormonal shift intensifies all that because you go from being pregnant to not pregnant very quickly. Yeah.
But the first week was rough and. And even my husband was so sad too. Like it’s just, I think even though you have all these mixed emotions, like I said, it’s still sadness and grief and loss.
Jamie: Yeah.
Rosey: And it reminds you of what you’ve been through already too, it’s so triggering.
Jamie: It brings up a lot of old emotions. Yeah.
Rosey: Right.
Jamie: I actually have been thinking that we’ve had other guests on the show have a really hard time be being like accepting of their pregnancy also. So it’s, you are definitely not alone in all of your feelings.
Rosey: Yeah, I’m learning like lots of self-compassion and I don’t know. I guess maybe this is a natural reaction because I didn’t even say anything but the nurse practitioner before she left the room when the day that I had the 10 week ultrasound, she was like, I just wanna tell you like, this is not your fault. When she said that, I was like, oh my gosh, I did immediately start blaming myself. I’m not sure why we do that.
Jamie: Yeah.
Rosey: But. I was just like, what did I do that, caused this? And I’m glad she said that because that was immediately how I was thinking.
Jamie: Yeah.
Rosey: Like why did this happen? What did I do? It’s just you blame yourself. It’s so quickly to blame yourself.
Jamie: What has helped you through this or if anything has helped you?
Rosey: Definitely time. But I’ve been journaling like every day just about my emotions and throughout the pregnancy as well.
I think it was very important for me in helping me process everything. ’cause there was lots of different feelings and it was just beyond strange and the biggest mind fuck ever. Just not being excited. It’s just like I mentioned earlier, it was just so strange. This was my goal for so long and just to have it happen, like not on my timeline and when I thought the door was closed. And when I didn’t want it was just extremely challenging.
Jamie: Yeah, I get that.
Rosey: Yeah.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna say about this?
Rosey: I don’t think so. It just really reminded me how hard miscarriage is and. Would not wish on anyone and don’t wanna go through it again. Yeah. But yeah
I definitely feel like I am totally confident in closing, like this chapter of my life. And this experience gave me a glimpse into what it would be like to have another pregnancy and another child. And while I’m sure like part of me was excited and did want it, because it wasn’t like I was a hundred percent against it, I just feel like the best choice for our family and our life is just to have our family of four and have two kids.
Jamie: We talked about finding, like thinking your body for doing this. Yeah. Have you gotten close to that yet?
Rosey: I think so, and I said from the beginning, no matter what happens, I truly do think this was a miracle because i’m sure if I went to a doctor before this happened, they would’ve told me, oh, like less than 1% chance that you could ever get pregnant naturally. Like I’m sure with our history, the chances would’ve been incredibly low. I feel like it’s, it is truly a miracle and I am, amazed that after all this time and at this age, my body still was able to have this pregnancy.
Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. That’s finding the light in this horrible situation, it can be helpful.
Rosey: Yeah, I always look for a silver lining and it’s hard. This one was hard to find, but I think that, and like just having compassion towards others, as I go through my life, if I do encounter anyone who’s not excited about their pregnancy, now I do understand how sometimes things happen and previously maybe I would’ve judged them and just wouldn’t have been able to see their perspective. And now I truly can.
Jamie: We were gonna redo the end of the show, and I don’t think we should anymore. Let’s get back to your story from four months ago and in the show there.
Rosey: Okay. Yeah
Jamie: And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Rosey: I love being pregnant, but I feel like I just put a lot of pressure on myself because of my age to, stay healthy, eat healthy, stay active. And I think sometimes maybe I put too much pressure on myself and I should, dial it back a little bit because I feel like all that pressure can be stressful. So I just have to constantly remind myself like I’m doing the best I can with what I know. And, I feel like I take really good care of my body and there’s people that are younger than me that don’t, so I just have to like, keep things in perspective. That’s probably a unique thing to say, but yeah, I just feel like I put too much pressure on myself at times.
Jamie: And is there anything you’d recommend that would help someone prepare for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Rosey: So the meditations that I used are circle and bloom meditations. So they have meditations for just trying to conceive naturally and it like aligns with every day of your cycle, like day one there’s a meditation and so on. But they also have them for IUI and IVF and for pregnancy and I used all of them.
So I don’t know if you’ve heard of that before, but I really like their meditations and how they’re designed. So those, and then the workout program that I used Jessie Mandel, she is like a perinatal workout person. I don’t know, like all of her programs are structured to accommodate whether you’re pregnant, postnatal, and beyond.
So I worked with her and she has a corresponding Facebook group, but I just felt really confident with. Her because I knew everything that I was doing, was safe for pregnancy or safer for postpartum versus me like trying to figure it out at home and like wondering if I should be doing this movement or not.
Jamie: And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant, if you could go back?
Rosey: I would say enjoy like every single minute. I definitely try to but just because I enjoy being pregnant so much, just enjoy every single minute. Especially ’cause I knew that was gonna be my last pregnancy.
Jamie: Now we have a lot of women who are trying to conceive. You’ve had a long journey
Rosey: Yeah.
Jamie: now. What advice would you give those women who are trying to conceive right now over 40?
Rosey: I would say if you have the desire to have a baby, like just keep walking towards that goal. There’s just so many ways you can become mother and obviously how my story ended, it wasn’t what I would’ve chosen or envisioned, but I feel like we have the baby that we’re meant to have.
Like we are just so happy and I feel like my son like completes our family. Like it’s just amazing. So just be open to every option. I try to get myself so much like mental health support just because the things you’re going through are super hard, so that I feel like as well.
Yeah, and be an advocate for yourself. ’cause as you can see, I had to push a little to get that test. And was that make or break? Would I have still got pregnant if I wouldn’t have done that? I don’t know. But hey, like I just feel like if you feel like it’s important in your heart, then listen to your intuition and push to get something like that done.
Jamie: yeah. I love that. And where can our listeners connect with you?
Rosey: I am on Instagram and my handle is at Rosie jen, JENM. And it’s private though, so you can totally like request to follow me and I’ll preview.
Jamie: Awesome.
Rosey: Yeah,
Jamie: Yeah. Rosie, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story.
Rosey: for sure. Thank you so much for having me.