106. After a 20-year wait and a journey marked by military deployments and devastating losses, Jessianna shares the incredible story of how she finally welcomed her daughter at age 48. From navigating a life-threatening double ectopic pregnancy to finding success with donor eggs, this episode is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the belief that hope always prevails.
On episode 106, Jamie welcomes Jessianna, a military veteran who shares her incredible 20-year path to becoming a mother at age 48. After nearly two decades of marriage, multiple deployments, and a history of heart-wrenching losses—including several miscarriages and a life-threatening double ectopic pregnancy—Jessianna opens up about the resilience required to keep going. She discusses the medical hurdles she faced, from a pituitary gland microadenoma to the physical toll of multiple failed IVF and IUI rounds, and how she navigated the complex decision to eventually move forward with donor eggs.
The conversation dives into the realities of a “geriatric” pregnancy, including managing gestational diabetes with insulin and the unexpected challenges of an emergency C-section. Jessianna offers a raw look at the postpartum period, discussing baby blues, the importance of mental health support, and the logistics of breastfeeding with a lip tie. With three master’s degrees and a career of service behind her, she reflects on why 48 was the perfect age for her to finally welcome her daughter. This episode is a powerful testament to the idea that hope prevails and that there are many different, equally beautiful paths to parenthood.
About the Guest
Jessianna Marshall is a retired military veteran and dedicated lifelong learner with three master’s degrees, whose 20-year journey to motherhood is a masterclass in resilience and faith. After meeting her husband at age 29, Jessianna spent two decades navigating the complexities of military life—including deployments to Hawaii, Afghanistan, and Iraq—while facing a grueling fertility battle marked by a pituitary gland microadenoma, multiple miscarriages, and a life-threatening double ectopic pregnancy. After being told by some doctors that she would never conceive, she reclaimed her hope through a transition to donor eggs and successfully welcomed her daughter at age 48. Today, she is a passionate advocate for women over 40, using her story to challenge societal negativity and inspire others to pursue their own unique paths to parenthood.
Connect with Jessianna:
- Facebook: @JessMarshall.theposhlife
- Instagram:@jess_theposhlife
Key Topics
- The 20-Year Wait: Navigating a fertility journey while serving in the military and managing long-distance deployments.
- Overcoming Medical Hurdles: Dealing with a pituitary gland microadenoma and the physical impact of multiple IUI and IVF rounds.
- The Double Ectopic Crisis: A raw account of a rare medical emergency, the loss of fallopian tubes, and the recovery process.
- The Shift to Donor Eggs: How Jessianna and her husband arrived at the decision to use donor eggs and the process of selecting a donor.
- Pregnancy at 48: Managing gestational diabetes, the importance of staying active (F45 and walking), and the role of acupuncture in prenatal health.
- The Reality of Birth and Postpartum: An honest look at an emergency C-section, the NICU experience, and navigating the “baby blues” through community support.
- Empowerment Over 40: Advice for dealing with external negativity and why Jessianna believes she is a better mother now than she would have been in her 20s.
Resourses & Links
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Transcript
Jamie: Hi Jessie Ana, welcome to the show.
Jessianna: Hi.
Jamie: today we are sharing Jessie Anna’s pregnancy at 48. We’re recording it for the second time. I wanna say thank you so much to her for coming on again and sharing it. So Jessie know, before we get to your story, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Jessianna: Yes. I currently I live in Texas, but I’m originally from California. My husband and I have been married for now 17 years, going on 18.
Jamie: Congratulations.
Jessianna: Thank you. We’ve known each other since I was 29. We were both 29. We’re about nine months apart. We got married when we were 32.
This is the first time that we’ve lived in the same household for over five years. We were both in the military, it was maybe 18 months at the most that we shared the same household anytime. Most of the times it was long distance relationship. We had our first date on July 4th, 2005. Since we met we’re not on any type of birth control. We have a child, he’s 22 years old, but him and I were gonna have a child we would raise together. Here we are 20 years later with a 10 months old on Wednesday.
Jamie: Oh, that’s wonderful.
Jessianna: I always think I was gonna have kids. Someday later in life, I would have kids, but I never imagined in my forties. I was thinking more like 30, 35. I definitely knew when I was 19, 20 I want nothing to do with kids. I come from a large family. I’m the oldest of six, and since I was 12 years old, I’ve been taking care of somebody, changing diapers, helping with feedings watching somebody where they’re napping. I always knew that’s not a life that I wanted to have immediately when I freed myself from my parents’ house. I knew that was not something for me.
In my twenties, I joined the military and I was focused on going to school, finishing my military career focusing on deployments and not thinking about having kids. I divorced early on in my military career and I was not looking to be in a relationship. I was in the military, I’m gonna use every opportunity to advance in that field, go to school and travel the world.
Then I met my husband, and we’ve been together since. We didn’t live together initially because we were deploying two Afghanistan and Iraq. We were in opposite deployments. He lived in North Carolina at the time. I lived in Hawaii and there was a big deployment in between where he was gone for about 16 months and then I deployed in the middle of that. it extended it to close to two and a half years. Then we got married. Once we got married, we weren’t together again in the same place, aside from like weekends and vacations for about another year. Because I was in school, I decided to become an officer and that came with school and learning a new job. So he was in Georgia and I was in Arizona.
When I was about to be 33, we were finally in the same place in Georgia. I was having a period, we were making sure vacation times was around the time I was ovulating. We were doing all the things to make it happen.
Jamie: And you’ve never gotten pregnant before?
Jessianna: I got pregnant when I was 29.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: The pregnancy lasted maybe about a week. I was home for Thanksgiving and I was telling my sister something and my sister said what if you’re pregnant. I was like, no, I’m not and didn’t say anything. Went to the store later on that day, got a pregnancy test and it was positive. This was on a Thursday, Thanksgiving.
I go back to the military on December 1st, I’ll just wait until December 1st. When I got back to San Antonio, I went and took a test at the facility and they said if you’re pregnant, you’re probably not gonna be pregnant for long because your a CG levels are low.
They still show us positive, we just wanna warn you because you said this is when, basing it off on my last period. If you were sustain a pregnancy, your numbers would have to be this much. This is hollow, I think it was like 300 or something like that. They’re like that to us it tells us that it’s a pregnancy that it’s already resolving itself. And so for about five days, they tested me every single day to see if it would go up and it wasn’t going up. It just kept going down until it finally showed nothing. And then that was it. No explanation, no nothing. Just, oh, you’re done. Go back to work.
Jamie: How hard was it to hear this news?
Jessianna: We were not expecting to get pregnant, but I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m pregnant. I was actually looking forward to it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: And then when they said you’re not pregnant, I was like, okay like I’m only 29.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: I asked one of the doctors what are the chances of a person getting pregnant after they just had a miscarriage? And they said usually the chances increase because your body it’s already making all the things that it’s supposed to make hormone wise. So a lot of people find it easier to get pregnant after they’ve had a loss. So in my mind, I kept thinking, okay like anytime we’re gonna get pregnant, and anytime didn’t happen. Two years after we got married to finally go see someone about it.
I’ve known since I was 28 that I had a pituitary gland, micro adenoma. So that’s a benign tumor that affects a pituitary gland. And the pituitary gland is responsible for essentially making milk. So when your body thinks that you’re supposed to be making milk, it thinks you’re pregnant, so your other hormones don’t do what they’re supposed to get pregnant. And so I got put on medication and I had been on medication for about 20 years. And I only during the times that we attempted to do IVF but then, I haven’t been on ’em since I got pregnant two year a year ago.
But I had been on this medication all this time. Once the doctors figured that out, they swore that wasn’t the issue. That because it was controlled under medication, everything else should work and they recommended maybe lose weight. And I was like how skinny do I need to be? I’m like, I’m five eight. I weighed 155 pounds and is like, how much thinner? Like I was working out, I was athletic, like I. Didn’t consider myself obese, based on those ancient charts, they’re like you could stand to lose this much.
Jamie: Oh, that’s terrible.
Jessianna: For a long time I focused on the trying to lose weight, not realizing that kind of messes up your cycle, messes a bunch of things up when you know you’re going from a certain weight and then dropping it super fast and over exercising and just doing all the things that are not healthy for you.
We went to the military, they just did the basic blood work. They said everything’s fine. Your egg reserve is perfect. It’s as if you were a 20-year-old keep doing what you’re doing. Your husband is good to go as well. You’re just gonna have to like, maybe spend more time together. As soon as we were 30, we decided to go see a fertility specialist and the first thing she said was you’re young. I went in there thinking we’ve already tried by ourselves, we’re just gonna go straight to do IVF or IUI, whatever it is the next step.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessianna: She said, no, you’re you started when you were 29, you really haven’t been trying for at least a year consistently. We are recommending that you do timed intercourse during this year, keep a log. To me it was dismissive. There was no additional testing, no nothing.
By this time we had already had a second miscarriage. That second one definitely hit a lot harder because I thought like maybe if somebody had found out sooner that we were pregnant, then something could have been done. To this day, one of the things that we learned progesterone doesn’t rise with a pregnancy. But nobody ever said anything. They’re just like, your estrogen’s fine. This number’s fine. This other number’s fine. Nobody said there’s shots you can take.
We went back to her and said, Hey, this is what’s going on. It’s been six months, what else can you do? We’re recommending you for you to continue to go with the six months of time intercourse, which just made things bad. Because one, I was moody. We were both moody. This is the only time the doctor said, we recommend time intercourse. Because if you have intercourse before this time, there’ll be less mobility. And if you wait after this time, your egg might be too mature. it’s wait a minute am I young or am I not young enough? We kept with the same person because being in the military, anytime you moved from one doctor, from one duty station to another, you had to start everything all over again.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: After that she recommended we do IIS with medication. The first time we tried Clomid she said stop the medication, your ovaries are overproducing. They’re enlarged. If we go through the full cycle, possibly losing one, one or both of your ovaries.
Jamie: Whoa.
Jessianna: So they were like, we don’t think it’s the lack of eggs. It’s something else, but nobody ever did blood work, aside from the regular one. And one a recent doctor told me was that if people don’t catch it while you’re pregnant, they can’t monitor how your progesterone is rising along with a CG levels.
We did about eight of them. those didn’t work. Then after that, we took a break because she said before she started me on medication, I had to give my ovaries a break. So we took about two months where she said no intercourse.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessianna: Some of the ultrasounds found that my egg was not releasing when she thought it was. It was releasing a few days after, or a few days before. So it wasn’t mature or it was overture. Then we did another four rounds of medicated I UIs with ver and nothing happened.
Jamie: You never got pregnant?
Jessianna: Never got pregnant. At this time, it’s about 18 months of us trying the medicated portion. This is not counting the one year of
Jamie: right
Jessianna: time intercourse because we were young. I came to the doctor was like can we can do IVF now, but this is how much it’s gonna cost. And it was like every single time that we’ve done it, we’re close to, $20,000 with nothing. We need to save money before we can move to that. I volunteered for a deployment, one because I needed a break. I felt that if I stayed home, every month, it was gonna be why am I not pregnant? If I deploy, then I at least knew the reason why I was pregnant. Plus it offer us the opportunity to save money to finally do IVF, which is what we wanted to do from the beginning.
Four years later, I’m close to being 35. We had another miscarriage. It was a few days after Christmas right before the new year. I just started having severe abdominal pain. The doctor and they’re like, oh, you’re having a miscarriage. Like con congratulations. It’s nothing bad.
Jamie: You didn’t even know you were pregnant?
Jessianna: No. No. Not at all.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessianna: Not at all. It was a few months after I came back from deployment. There was a joke in the military that, either everybody gets pregnant right before deployment or people come back from deployment and everybody’s spouse is pregnant. So there’s all these babies being born at the same time.
We were 35 and an opportunity came for me to go to a specialized school. It meant six months apart. So I said, we’ll do that because I think I’m gonna be focused on that one doctor said, you’re never gonna get pregnant. And I was like you keep telling me never, but it’s already happened these other times.
Jamie: That gave you hope, right?
Jessianna: Yeah. I went ahead and took that assignment and spent that time focusing on eating healthy exercising, not over exercising, maintaining a healthy lifestyle. And I said, okay, when we’re in this the same place again, we are gonna get pregnant.
Six months later, we’re close to 36 years old before we decided to go through the process. We were in Colorado and the doctor was like, we’re a little bit more aggressive with the process. If you say you’re ready to go, as long as your body is capable of going through IVF and you’re able to carry a baby, we can go for it. He wanted to make sure we both got genetic testing if there’s a cross genetic disease or something that we both carry,
Jamie: right?
Jessianna: That could be the reason why that pregnancy is not sustaining. We did that testing and everything was fine. We didn’t have anything that could possibly indicate why this is what’s happening. He did testing for me and he said, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get pregnant. The only thing they found was three polyps, but that could have been a result of miscarriages. Sometimes your body doesn’t get rid of everything and it could turn into a polyp. I did the HSG, I got those polyps removed and he said, wait about three months because we wanna make sure your body’s completely healed from that procedure.
I’m 36 years old. We’re going through IVF, we’ve saved money. I started taking the medications and my body couldn’t tolerate ’em. I was getting really sick. I had really bad headaches. My ovaries were overstimulated again, and to the point where he said, if you continue giving yourself the medication, there’s not gonna be anything to retrieve.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessianna: And so we tossed this.
Jamie: This was like the estrogen that was causing you this overstimulation?
Jessianna: Yes.
Jamie: Wow. Okay. Then what?
Jessianna: He said there’s ways that we can adjust the protocol now that we know what’s happening. We can adjust it for the next round. So we waited again. And I know some people are like, why didn’t you just stop? You’ve already spent all this money and it’s easier to say you’re gonna stop than to actually do it. Like when it’s something you really want and you know that there’s a possibility that it could happen. Just giving up it’s not something that you think about.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: You don’t think I’m gonna quit because it didn’t work this time. Every step we did gave me like a little bit more hope.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: To continue doing it. I would tell myself, when God says we’re done, he’s gonna make it so that we’re done.
We decided to save up money and we were hoping that we could possibly get pregnant. It wasn’t happening. I think we went about two years. I was 39 we moved to a different location and I told my husband we have to try one more time because this has to work, it has to work.
We went to a new doctor in Texas. We explain everything. I was so excited about this shiny new doctor that’s gonna do all these things. We do all the testing with him. Because I was nearly 40, he wanted to make sure everything was so good. and again they found I had polyps, so we had to have a second surgery for polyps.
This was in November, so everybody’s having Thanksgiving and I’m sneaking around giving myself the shots. We had family over and there was a few people we had talked to about IVF, but we never said we are doing it now. We decided just gonna keep it to ourselves.
Jamie: Yeah. Because they’re checking up on you and you’re like, no, no. I just stop.
Jessianna: Yeah. Then December came and it was time to do the actual retrieval. During that cycle, we had 23 eggs that were retrieved.
Jamie: Amazing.
Jessianna: I’m 39 and we have 23 eggs. That’s a lot. And then so when they did like the embryo, like when they did like the whole I think we did it iy when they did that whole process, we ended up having, of those embryo, eight of those eggs didn’t survive the process of insemination, but 18 did. So then we had 18 and I was like,
Jamie: 18 embryos
Jessianna: need one. We just need one. I think they said about 80% of the embryos don’t make it through the through the thought process or the process of actually doing the genetic testing. So by the time they got to the genetic testing portion of it I think 15 that actually survived and made it to post the five day the five day process or the wait, it was like, okay, 13, we just need one. Three days after they told us we had 13, they called and said we had eight that we’re non-viable for life. They either didn’t have enough chromosomes or they had too many chromosomes, and then five were undetermined and the lab wasn’t willing to retest.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Jessianna: The lab wasn’t even in Texas. I think they were in California somewhere. They said even if you send ’em to another lab, they’re probably not gonna make it through the process of retesting. So it was like, okay, you’re done. And then that was it.
In my mind I’m thinking, we had a lot of eggs. That means that I can still I can still have this baby. We can still do it. I was getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan so I was like I can’t start a new cycle. We’re not gonna have enough time, in less than 30 days I’m supposed to deploy. Like I’m already 40.
Two days before we were supposed to deploy. If you’re a female, you have to have a pregnancy test. I was driving home, this was the day before we were supposed to do the test and I was passing by a grocery store and something said, what if you’re pregnant? What if you’re pregnant? Because I gained so much weight. My husband had just retired from the military and my medium uniform fitted fine before we did the process. Then after we did IVF, I couldn’t put on the pants. I had to wear his pants, which were super big on the bottom, but they fit the top. I looked like I was pregnant just from the bloating.
I was driving by this grocery store and I remember I really wanted a barbecue pulled pork sandwich. I don’t even eat pork. I haven’t had pork in like 15 years, almost 20 years.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessianna: Why do I want this sandwich? I’m like, you stop ’cause you wanna take a pregnancy test. Like I went to the bathroom at the store, took the test, and it was like, there was a line, it was a faint line, but it was there. And so I took the pregnancy test and I said I’m gonna buy some more. So I bought four more packs and then I
Jamie: Wait, did you get the sandwich too?
Jessianna: Yeah, I got the sandwich. I never ate it, but I took four more tests and they all showed the line. Let me do one that says pregnant or not pregnant. It didn’t show anything. So I was like, okay. It was a bad test, maybe I’m just imagining it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: Right before he came home, I took another test and you could see the line. And I remember looking at myself in the mirror and laughing God, is this real? Is this real? ’cause now five tests show positive. What are we gonna do? I said , instead of going to that formation where everybody’s supposed to take the test, I’m just gonna go to the clinic and ask them to take a test and it was positive. I was like I need a note because I’m supposed to go on deployment tomorrow. They’re like, yeah, no, you’re not going anywhere.
Jamie: Yeah. And this is pregnancy four, right?
Yes.
Jessianna: Yeah, so this was the fourth one that we knew was like, confirmed at the doctor’s office. I’m gonna be 40 and four months. So she was like, I wanna let you know that in cases where a CG was too high, she said it could mean two things: you are further along than you think you are, or it’s an ectopic pregnancy.
When she said ectopic pregnancy, I was like, no, I don’t think it’s that because I’m not in pain. I’m not having any of those symptoms. I went to the OB GYN and he wasn’t worried. He was like, oh, congratulations, you’re pregnant, this is considered a geriatric pregnancy. And just like all these things. Then I started having pain on my side. I waited because I had an appointment, this was like on a Saturday and I had an appointment on Monday.
I went to the appointment on Monday, and the doctor said your HCG levels alarm really high. We’re thinking you are having a an ectopic pregnancy, so we are gonna do an ultrasound. They couldn’t find where they thought something was in my ovaries. So I was like, these people don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s fine. And then they could see a sack in something, but they couldn’t see not a heartbeat, but like a little stem or something.
You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m gonna go back to this fertility doctor that I had just seen two months ago. They said , if you get pregnant within this time, you make sure to report it to us. ‘Cause we have to track like something about, it’s in there, a reporting thing that they do.
I called and they said, we have an opening today. I went and he did the test again. He said it might be that you are pregnant, but we don’t think it’s alarmingly high the other doctor said. So then he said let’s see what happens if we do estrogen or progesterone. He gave me a prescription for the suppositories and then for the oil uhhuh. Then we went back and a different doctor did an ultrasound, he said, oh, this is definitely an ectopic pregnancy, but it’s not your typical ectopic pregnancy. There was a egg attached or a embryo attached somewhere other than the fallopian tube, but there was also one in the fallopian tube. What does that mean? And they said sometimes women ovulate two eggs instead of just one
Jamie: uhhuh.
Jessianna: And then that was it. Nothing else. They just said, okay, we’re gonna give you this medication. I can’t take this medication ’cause I know what this medication means. This medication means this is the end of the pregnancy. I know it was a little bit delusional, but I can’t take the medication. My husband said can’t you just take it out and put it where it’s supposed to be? He knew that wasn’t a thing, but it we were both thinking it.
Jamie: You have hope. I said the same thing, like just put it in the right spot.
Jessianna: I know. It was like, you can do everything else. Why can’t you just move it and put it where it’s supposed to be?
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: I remember thinking okay, it’s over. I either don’t take the medication and risk Lucy my life, forget about the fallopian tube. Like I could risk Lucy my life.
Jamie: Yeah. Internal bleeding.
Jessianna: Yes. I remember waiting until I couldn’t possibly wait anymore where I was having like the military doctor calling me, telling me I had to take the medication because I could end up in an emergency life and death situation.
I ended up doing it. I think a day before they said if you don’t come in and pick up this medication, we’re gonna have to do a psych eval. We took the medication and they just give you that warning this medication could stay in your system for this long. If you’re gonna have intercourse, have protected intercourse.
We had to take another break. One day I was driving home and I couldn’t tell you how I made it home. I remember pulling on the side of the road and crying and praying if this is not for me, just please remove it because I can’t breathe. I was listening to some radio station and they had a an advertisement for adoption. Okay, maybe we could adopt.
Jamie: That’s right.
Jessianna: I have to talk to my husband about. There’s new hope this can happen. I started doing research and that deflated. It’s whoa, who’s got $50,000 to get some agency to help you? Somebody might give you a baby and say you can adopt this baby, but they have a year to change their mind. Okay, this is not the route.
I found another doctor and it never worked, but it worked with this doctor, I would make an appointment and pay out of pocket and have a consultation with the these doctors and then ask what do I need to do? ‘Cause I’ve already tried this, I tried this and I tried that. Every single one telling me like, your egg reserve is still good. It’s diminished, but it’s not to the point where you are, you don’t have eggs. You can still do this.
I was 45, I have one more year before I retire outta the military. We need to do this again. I read if you do a plant-based diet, this could increase your chances. For 18 months I did a a plant-based diet.
Then it’s post COVID, I don’t know how it’s gonna go. It’s okay if it takes longer. I would use it as a coping mechanism. This is still gonna happen, but you need to use this time to get yourself healthy, get a little bit more money again to do all these things.
When I was 46, I said we’re gonna start trying again. Okay, maybe if we do IP F1 more time. ’cause this is gonna be the last time we do it after this time if it doesn’t work. That’s all we can handle money-wise.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessianna: I said okay, we’re gonna go see another doctor. if we get to the transfer I believe that is the progesterone, your body doesn’t know how to handle those hormones. So we’ll start the treatment before you even go through the the actual transfer process. We’ll just add it to your protocol. I’m listening to what he’s saying. So then I just kept hearing more podcasts, more like listening to the different doctors.
I was like, we’re retired. I got a job, I’m about to graduate from school again. Because that’s another thing that I did when I needed to focus on something out. I went to school. I have three master’s degrees because that’s how I kept myself in a place where I could function.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessianna: Going to school is one of the things that kept me motivated, kept me engaged.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: To me it was like perfect time. You’re now 46, but this could still happen.
Jamie: Have you looked into donor eggs yet?
Jessianna: No. I hadn’t looked into any of that. These people are still telling me I have eggs. I was like focused on what we’re gonna do. I did the consultation ’cause they have a long wait list. I did the consultation. I did the blood work, I did again, all the tests that IHSG, all the tests that they asked you to do.
We’re gonna start January 1st because that’s the new year. I have these six months to get all the paperwork together to get all our funds together. Fast forward, it’s October, I go to the doctor and was having stomach pain. One of my sisters said what if you’re pregnant?
And I was like, no, I don’t think I am. I’ve been feeling run down for the last two weeks I’ve had abdominal pain. And she was like, go to the doctor. And I remember I was like sitting down and I was like, yeah, I think you need to go to the doctor. So I packed a bag and I went to the er and I was explaining to them everything that happened. They did a urine pregnancy test and said you’re not pregnant, so it’s a stomach virus. They’re like, we’re discharging you. And I was like, nobody has came and touched my stomach.
Nobody has asked me if I’m had prior ectopic pregnancies. Nobody has asked me anything. He said you don’t look like you’re in pain. I barely made it to the hospital ’cause I was in so much pain. I was in shock because there’s a possibility you could be pregnant. I said I’m eight days late.
They’re like, oh, we did a urine test. You’re not pregnant. You’re 46 going on 47, maybe you’re a perimenopause or something. And I was like, no, I get a period like every month like clockwork, the same time of the month, every month for the same length of time. Nope, you’re fine.
In the middle of the night, I sent my PCMA message and I said, this is what’s going on. I went to the er, they sent me away. She said at eight in the morning, head straight over to this medical office. If this is an ectopic pregnancy, just be prepared for the fact that you might have to stay there. This is an ectopic pregnancy. She had to run something with another doctor to see if it was necessary for me to have an emergency surgery or if I could do the medication.
This is around the time that everything with the Roe versus Wade had got turned over. It was difficult to get all these medications. I remember them saying they said, this is not an emergency, but we have to get you on this medication today. I said, yeah, I’ve taken it before. So it took 12 hours before somebody said, yes, we can prescribe this medication. By that time, the pharmacy was closed. So I had to wait till the next day. When they send me home they said if you get these symptoms, call 9 1 1 immediately.
So as soon as the pharmacy opened the next day I went and picked it up. I went to the clinic, took the medication at the clinic, waited for two or three hours. And then they said, okay, you’re good to go, but you need to come back 48 hours later ’cause I had to check the A cg. The a CG levels and the levels were not dropping. They were just steadily going up.
Jamie: Now are you still in pain?
Jessianna: Yes.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: I’m still in pain. My stomach was bloated. They said take Tylenol but don’t take ibuprofen ’cause that could cause bleeding if you end up internally bleeding. They gave me a second round of this medication because sometimes one round doesn’t work. I took the medication and I went home. Then they said, come back in 48 hours.
I came back two medication doses later of this medication, I still had high a CG levels. They did an another ultrasound and the doctor saw that the fallopian tube was swollen. They could see where something was growing. They said you have to have emergency surgery. My husband works outta state during the week, so I had to call him and say you need to get over here because I have to go in for surgery. I can’t wait till tomorrow.
There was something going on with the operating rooms, so they said be here tomorrow at four in the morning. One of my friends went with me to have the surgery. The first thing the surgeon said if we find there’s something wrong with one or both fallopian tubes we’re gonna take both. I said we’re still planning on doing IVF, like we are doing IVF.
They did the surgery. They remove both fallopian tubes. One fallopian tube had two embryos in it. If I had waited, it could have burst. The other one was severely damaged. I don’t understand how it was severely damaged because six months before I had the HSG, they said everything was clear. You can still pass fluid through the fallopian tubes, but it doesn’t necessarily tell you the exact condition of the fallopian tube.
Jamie: Good to know.
Jessianna: Yeah. The previous one was probably damaged from the first ectopic pregnancy, but then this one split while they were in the fallopian tube.
Jamie: Oh my gosh. That was wild.
Jessianna: Now I don’t have fallopian tubes. I went home thinking we’re still gonna do IVF.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: This is October I was gonna school the following Friday and Saturday. I feel fine. Like aside from like the incision, I can sit in a classroom and do my work. I went to school on Friday and I’m so sick. I’m vomiting, I’m nauseous, I’m in pain. I don’t know if I can drive. I just have two more hours to go and I don’t wanna miss school because we’re graduating in May.
Driving home, I had to pull over and vomit. My husband’s you need to go to the doctor. I was traumatized from it, so I didn’t want to go. He ended up taking me to the doctor. Not even four days later, I had a gallbladder inflamed and it happened from the surgery. They nicked something and got swollen.
You were just here west. It’s two days later, you’re having the surgery. I checked your files and I see that you’re attempting to do IVF. I would recommend you give your body some rest, wait at least six months. I was like, Nope, this what’s gonna happen. But in my mind, I knew it wasn’t something that was gonna happen right away because it was taking me a longer to recover from the ectopic pregnancy and the gallbladder surgery.
Fast forward, we’re both close to 47. After the holidays, we got a phone call from a member from our church and said, we wanna have a conversation with you. We’re like, what are they trying to say? Maybe somebody’s gonna give us a baby. He was like, stop, they wanna talk to us about something else. And sure enough, our friend from church said one of her family members was about to have a baby. For a while they thought about giving up their baby for adoption, but they weren’t sure. They saw something I posted about my journey with fertility and how I feel even more broken. She said these are the people I want my baby to go to.
We said, we’re gonna pray about it. I prayed about it, but then I’m calling a lawyer in California, i’m calling a lawyer in Texas. I found out everything I need to find out because the baby was in California. We were supposed to have a call with the young lady to make all the arrangements. The day we were supposed to have a conversation with her, she never called. She was in the hospital because she went into labor. While she was in labor by herself, she held her baby and said there’s no way I can give my baby up. I was happy she realized she could take care of her baby.
Then I started talking to my husband about donor eggs. It was a long conversation. They give you the brochures with your own eggs, this is how much it costs with donor eggs. This is the process. We never looked at that. We saw it on the paper, but it never crossed our mind. We talked about adoption. This is like adopting but I get to carry the baby. I’m going through the whole process. We’re pregnant, we get to see the ultrasounds, and we talked about it and we said, let’s explore it. I contacted the clinic and I said, Hey, i’m thinking maybe I wanna do egg donor. Can I meet with somebody to talk about the process? I went full blown informing myself about everything there is to know about it.
My husband and I prayed about it and we decided that egg donor would be the best option for us. We didn’t share it with a lot of people. When we initially shared about doing IVF, people were asking all these questions. My mom’s maybe if you try one more time on your own, maybe it’ll work. There’s something in my mind telling me that if I adopt a baby or if I share that I’m doing a donor, somebody’s gonna say this is not your child. Or somebody’s gonna tell my child before I get the opportunity to tell my child. And so we didn’t share with a lot of people.
Jamie: Did your clinic have their own egg donors? Or did you need to go to a bank?
Jessianna: They had their own egg donors and you could use the I explored different bank. I’m thinking, what if that batch doesn’t work? And none of them, I read that you could do more than one donor, but in the clinic that I was going through, they had their own bank and you could choose more than one donor.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: But you could use two donors, like eggs that were already frozen. For the fresh cycle, there was like a waiting list. I don’t have time ’cause I’m about to be 47. What can we do that is not gonna take much time that is within our means to be able to do it where we won’t go in debt?
We looked, and at first it was difficult ’cause I was like, I feel like I’m shopping for this person. We just decided that we’re not gonna look at what the person looks like. We’re just gonna look at, their characteristics. Do they have anything from my husband’s genetic testing that could be contradictory to what you’re supposed to have in order to be able to use this person as a donor? We started with that. Now I went from 500, now I have this many. I was like, okay, I would like my child to be like me. My husband’s African American, I’m Hispanic, I would like them to be Hispanic so they look a little bit more like me. But at the same time it doesn’t matter.
We ended up selecting two donors: one was African American, the other one was Hispanic. We did four eggs from one, four eggs from the other. We decided to go with the frozen eggs because that was more affordable faster. Some of the eggs had to be transferred from New York. Some of them were already in Colorado.
I started the medication process in June where they did all the testing and I started progesterone at the same time that I started all the other medications. I couldn’t tell you what they were. I just know progesterone , ’cause that’s the one thing I asked. In our whole almost 20 years of trying to get pregnant, this doctor suggested this. He used to work with you guys. He thinks that this was the cause.
They found out because of this ectopic and they’re like your a C G’s good, but your progesterone’s slow, so that means that this is ending the pregnancy. And that’s the first thing they did. They did anti-inflammatories, they did everything prior to that. I went on this sugar-free diet. I did carnivore carnivore, keto. ’cause it’s one of the things that the doctor recommended. I did it for about six months. I don’t know if that’s what worked or didn’t work.
Jamie: How did you feel on that diet?
Jessianna: I felt sluggish.
Jamie: Really?
Jessianna: Sluggish because I felt like the food was too heavy. I don’t normally eat red meat. Then after about two months of doing it, I did feel like I had a little bit more energy. I started noticing that my body was trimming down a little bit. Prior to that, I went to the gym every day, but there were some days where I was lazy and didn’t get up. But five in the morning my F 45 workout, that was like non-negotiable.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessianna: I felt like I was getting leaner. But then as soon as I got pregnant, I like stopped ’cause I was like, oh, I don’t need to do it anymore. Now I can eat everything.
I started the protocol on my husband’s birthday, I had just turned 48. We did the transfer.
Jamie: How many embryos did you end up with?
Jessianna: Four eggs didn’t make the thought process so they couldn’t even do anything with them.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Jessianna: That was from the one from New York. The one that was in Colorado, I decided to do a three day transfer versus the five.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: I felt that having me wait till five just created more issues that they could say oh no, this can’t happen. When we did the three day transfer, they told us at the time that we had three eggs that had made it to the embryo process. And then on the day that I got to the clinic, we had four. The one was lagging, but there was four. Because of my age, the ectopic pregnancies, the doctor felt the best choice would be to just transfer one.
I just remember the transfer, the doctor said congratulations, you’re pregnant and glory to God. I’m like, glory to God, we’re pregnant. I had never had a doctor talk to me about God ever. I was like, we’re pregnant. I just, I felt it. I felt like we are having a baby. I flew that same day ’cause I wanted to be in my house, so I flew home. I rested, everything was fine. I kept saying to myself, don’t go take a test. Don’t go take a test. ’cause I was in this group and people were disappointed because they didn’t have that line. And then some people didn’t have the line until day eight.
I tested on the fifth day even though I wasn’t gonna do it. There was no line. I bought another test and there was no line. I remember sitting on my couch and telling God if this is not for me, just let it go away now. Let me be at peace. I was like, just let me wake up not wanting to take another test. I woke up the next day, I didn’t feel like taking a test. I went to the gym, went for a walk, came home, waited till the next day.
The next day, an hour after leaving the lab, the clinic called and said, Hey, we haven’t gotten the results. We wanna go ahead and schedule an ultrasound tomorrow. Within 15 minutes being in this phone, she’s oh, by the way, we got your results, congratulations, you’re pregnant. Don’t be alarmed when you go to your ultrasound tomorrow, you’re just gonna see the embryo. You’re not gonna see a heartbeat until 14 days.
This baby’s stuck, the one embryo. they recommended doing lipids, but I could only do it the day that I was there ’cause I couldn’t find anybody here in Texas. But I did the acupuncture for the first two trimesters. I think I stopped the third trimester ’cause I didn’t know if it was helping or not.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: I think I feel better not having to travel every day to go get these treatments. I was starting to get a little bit more tired. I think a month into the pregnancy, I woke up one Sunday and had spawning. I was like I couldn’t even breathe.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: It can’t be. It can’t be that this baby’s not gonna stick. I remember calling the clinic and they said, drink water. And I was like, are you serious? Drink water. What’s water gonna do? And they’re like, trust us. Drink water, stay in bed, elevate your feet. Stay hydrated. We will send you to the lab tomorrow. If you bleed more than a full pad in say 30 minutes or something like that, then head to the hospital
Jamie: uhhuh
Jessianna: other than just assume it’s normal bleeding. And sure enough, it was just normal bleeding. Apparently it was from the progesterone from the suppositories.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Jessianna: Super sensitive.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: They said it was normal. Sometimes implantation bleeding can stay inside and not come out until a few days later.
Jamie: Did you find out you were having a girl during the transfer or during the pregnancy?
Jessianna: My husband and I decided not to find out the gender until after the baby was born.
Jamie: Oh, fun.
Jessianna: The lab had a way to tell what, because these eggs had already gotten tested and gone through everything, they could tell which ones were male and which ones were female
Jamie: uhhuh.
Jessianna: But we chose not to find out.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: They asked when we did the transfer, do you want a boy baby, or a girl baby? I was like, we don’t wanna know. Just give me the one that you think is the healthiest that has the better chance of making it. So we know that batch has a baby boy because she said, you want a big boy or a baby girl.
Jamie: Yeah. So after you graduated from your fertility clinic, how did you decide on your ob or did you go back to the other one that you used?
Jessianna: I went to the OB that helped me with the atopic pregnancy.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: I felt that the surgeon informed me of everything. I had to see two different people at the time, and they weren’t worried about this crazy lady at 48 trying to get pregnant? They were like, this is your patient. We know what you wanna do. This is the best way to get you to that. And they weren’t focused on she’s geriatric.
Jamie: Right.
Jessianna: I said I’m gonna make a decision after my first appointment. When I went to see the doctor, she said, congratulations, we’ve been rooting for you.
Jamie: Aw.
Jessianna: And she was like I know that all these other doctors talk about how old you are. And your pregnancy does come with different risks than a younger one. But that’s not to say that a younger woman is gonna be better able to go through a pregnancy than you are. There’s a lot of factors that take into Play. Age is one of them and I’m not concerned. So I stayed with them. I saw the same people and then I had to see the MFM.
Because during the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I just started feeling like really weird. Like I, these weird things. I went to the doctor and I said, something’s wrong. I feel like there’s something’s off. They said we don’t normally do this until week 28 or something like that.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: They checked the glucose levels and my glucose was high. So then they did a blood test and said your a1C was a little bit high.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: They said that sometimes could happen or it can be identified before they do the 28 weeks for those individuals that do IVF. I was on prednisone for four months. There was some other steroid I was taking that trigger your blood sugar to go up. We can test you again at 28 weeks, or assume we’re gestational diabetes ’cause I don’t want to take any chances.
What do I need to do? And they said, we need to monitor your meals. You have to check your blood. So I did that. Once the 28 weeks came, they verified that I was diabetic. They recommended insulin. I didn’t wanna risk anything. I’m already doing the diet. I’m limiting what I’m eating, but I wasn’t like, if I crave something, I didn’t go eat that. I’m not eating for two. I’m eating healthy for two because I want my child to have everything that she needs. I think that was like the hardest thing because if I didn’t eat when I was supposed to, it went really low.
And then I had the chills and the sweating and feeling like really tired. And that’s what was happening before. I felt like it was like an anxiety attack.
Jamie: Oh.
Jessianna: That was when my sugar was too low. It was giving me those side effects.
Jamie: Oh wow. And the insulin helped with that?
Jessianna: It did. It did. Weeks after it was identified, I broke down my meals that I ate. Like I eat protein first and then fiber, and then carbs.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: And if you don’t have carbs, make sure you have a protein with it. And eat every four hours.
I had morning sickness twice, but I think that was two or three times. I think that was from the pills that I was taking two times a day. I was taking them at the same time and then they were making me sick. I found out if I take one and then wait 15 minutes, it was easier for me to handle them.
You couldn’t tell I was pregnant for a while. We didn’t tell our family until November, we were already like 20 weeks. we were all gonna be at my sister’s wedding and my dress was gonna show that I was pregnant.
Jamie: Uhhuh,
Jessianna: The first people we told were his parents for their 50th wedding anniversary. We let them know and then we said, don’t tell anybody until we get to tell my family the following week. Then we told my family. we didn’t tell our church until January.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: The entire time we would celebrate by weeks. We’d be like, okay, we made it to week 12. We made it to 15 weeks. And I would take pictures.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: I think the first ultrasound that we did we had a profile of her the rest of the time she would always have her back turned.
Jamie: Oh.
Jessianna: They couldn’t verify her gender for the longest time. I kept having to get ultrasounds because the MFN needed to verify and we’re like, we don’t wanna know. But they wanted to make sure everything was forming how it’s supposed to.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: The day before she was born, I went to my appointments in the morning.
Jamie: Uhhuh,
Jessianna: but for some reason, they had called and said, we need you to come in later. It was a different doctor in the practice and she said how are you feeling? I said I’m feeling really swollen. My hands hurt. My feet hurt. I just feel like my face is extremely swollen. Like my eyes were like this
Jamie: oh,
Jessianna: I feel like my cheeks are on top of my eyes. And she was like, yeah, you look a little bit swollen. We’re gonna check too just to make sure you don’t have preeclampsia. My blood pressure was fine. It was like perfect according to them. But she was like, I’m gonna send you with this jug. It’s a urine sample that’s collected over time. Bring it in first thing Monday morning and make sure you have your bag your hospital bag. If we find protein or something in the urine and we take your blood your blood test or your blood test and then your blood pressure and something indicates that you have preeclampsia, you’re gonna stay here and you’re possibly gonna have a baby that day.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: Okay, this is scary, I’m gonna go home. I was like sitting outside and I was like, I’m hungry. I’m gonna stop to get something to eat. And I had texted my husband and said oh look, they did an ultrasound and we finally get to see our baby. Like we got a profile. And she was like this of course we didn’t know it was her, but she was like this and she had these little cheeks and everybody kept marbling over how much hair she had.
On my away driving, I’m eating my french fries ’cause I craved almost every single day french fries and baked potatoes. That was pretty much it. I got home and I said, oh, I’m gonna take out the trash. And I was like, no, I’m tired. I’m gonna take a nap ’cause I’m just feeling off. I was about to sit down and I heard like a pop. This is weird. Next thing you know, water’s gushing everywhere. I think my water just broke.
I called my sister ‘ and I was like so I heard this pop. There’s water everywhere. And she’s oh my gosh, your water broke. Call the hospital, get to the hospital. I called the clinic and they’re like, are you in pain? And I was like, no. They’re like, yeah, it’s a bit early. Get to the hospital as safe and fast as you can. I’m gonna have to drive myself. So I was like trying to figure out how to get there safely without getting water everywhere.
I got to the hospital safely. Very embarrassed because where I parked to the car, I had to stop five times ’cause water just kept gushing. People kept asking me, do I need help? As soon as I got in the hospital, the lady saw me and she was like, why aren’t you in a wheelchair? I said, ’cause I drove myself. And she was like you’re crazy.
They put me in a wheelchair, and said don’t push yet. I was like, I don’t feel like pushing. I honestly don’t feel like anything’s happening. I didn’t have contractions, didn’t have anything. I got to the labor and delivery. And then they said, oh yeah, your water broke. You’re gonna stay here and the doctor will come see you in about an hour. Unless something happens. I just changed into my gown and I’m waiting for somebody to come and I was like, can I please have a towel? ’cause this bed is wet.
And then the doctor came and she was like, yeah, I think you’re gonna have your baby today. She was asking me if I have contractions and I was not feeling anything. They could see I was having contractions. So she said, we’re gonna put you on medication. They put me on IV medication, put me in the labor and delivery room. 12 hours passed by, nothing’s happening.
I wasn’t dilated, I was in the face. It was like a normal day, just water popped. And the doctor decided that because my blood pressure was going up and the babies was going down, she was recommending a c-section. Which is not something that I was expecting. They had said you might have a c-section ’cause your baby’s big. Everybody kept saying my baby’s big. It’s big baby, it’s measuring 98 percentile.
They decided on the C-section. Thank God my husband was able to get outta where he was ’cause there was no flights on the day that I called him. He had to wait till the morning.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Jessianna: Somebody came in that needed to deliver their baby faster than I did, so they went before me. Then my baby was born like one or two hours after my husband got there.
Jamie: Wow. Walk us through like the C-section.
Jessianna: It is something I didn’t want. I’m allergic to everything. I already knew I wasn’t gonna be able to take any sort of medication. I didn’t even know if I could take the, what do you call it, the medication for if you had a natural delivery.
Jamie: Oh, like an epidural?
Jessianna: Yeah. I wasn’t able to have an epidural. What they did was a nerve block, I think is what they call it or something block.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: And something in my back. But it wasn’t something that they could increase. It was like we gotta put it in now and then your baby has to come within this time because this only lasts for this amount of time.
Jamie: Whoa.
Jessianna: It was scary ’cause I was like, what if I’m feeling it? What if I feel what’s happening?
And then they had to do that injection and then they had to inject my stomach before they cut it. And so that was like a whole thing that I wasn’t expecting. ’cause I was like, wow, this might actually hurt. I’m not feeling anything right now.
I was having a contraction, but I wouldn’t say it was contraction pains because my back got really stiff and I couldn’t feel my legs. Then I felt like vomiting. They said, oh, that’s pain. I think they gave me Toradol or something. I can’t remember what it was.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: Aside from that I just remember tugging and pulling and them saying we gotta close you up again. ’cause I guess I was bleeding. The only thing I remember is they asked my husband if he wanted to be the one that told me what the gender was or if they wanted the doctor to do it. I want my husband to tell me.
I was convinced we were having a boy. Everything in the room was gender neutral, mostly green because green’s my favorite color and I just felt like we’re having a boy. This is a perfect color. And when he like leaned over, he said, it’s a girl. And I was like, are you serious? It’s a girl. I couldn’t stop smiling. We would’ve been happy either way, but wow, I can’t believe she lied to me this whole time.
After that I just heard them say we have to close you up because you’re bleeding. So you’re gonna feel the needle because they have to give you more of whatever they had given me. The anesthesiologist came in, he gave me more injections, and then they closed me up.
We went into the room and they’re like, how do you feel? I said, I feel fine. And then overnight, the worst pain I’ve ever been in my life. And they’re like, we can’t give you anything. We can’t give you any more medication. I’m like, what do you mean? What do you mean you can’t give me anything? We can only give you fentanyl, but you’re attempting to breastfeed. I was in so much pain that the doctor was like you have to give her fentanyl. My blood pressure was going way high
Jamie: uhhuh,
Jessianna: and I was hemorrhaging. So they said that sometimes from the pain
Jamie: uhhuh.
Jessianna: After that they gave me some other medication for hemorrhaging. I was continuing to hemorrhage two days. And then my baby had to go into the NICU because I didn’t have enough milk and her sugar was too low.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Jessianna: When they took her into the nicu, they found out that she also had, like high bilirubin. She needed to go under the little lights,
Jamie: Uhhuh,
Jessianna: and they kept her there for four days.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Jessianna: Yeah. And that was more painful than any part of the pregnancy.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Jessianna: We’re doing skin to skin and she’s looking up and they’re like we have to take your baby. No, don’t take my baby. But yeah, she was in the NICU for four days. We were blessed the hospital allowed us to stay one extra day after my insurance was trying to kick me out of the hospital. It’s something that they offer parents with babies in the nicu.
Jamie: Uhhuh. That’s great. Mentally, how were you during postpartum?
Jessianna: During postpartum? I knew there was postpartum obviously, but I didn’t realize the baby blues are like a thing. I was not prepared for the amounts of crying that I did, and I was crying for no reason. Then the night sweats, I thought something was terribly wrong. Even though I had read everything about what to do to get pregnant, IVF wise, I did very little in terms of this is what’s gonna happen after you have the baby.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: I was so focused on this like that. I probably read about it and just didn’t think like it would apply to me. I had an oversupply of milk after day four, the day they released us from the hospital. What am I gonna do with all this? ‘Cause I know that’s hard for some mothers when their milk suli doesn’t come in right away. My baby had already been given a mixture of breast milk in formula because she wasn’t getting enough calories. She kept dropping weight instead of gaining weight.
I was not prepared for the amount of pain you have after a c-section. I thought it was gonna be like when I had my fallopian tubes and my gallbladder removed. They cut in the same place and they put little cameras in the same place. I definitely was not expecting the amount of pain and how horrible it is to not be able to take any medication and still have to take care of your baby.
Then the crying, like I would leave and cry in the bathroom. I would try to cry, if I went to the bathroom, if I went to the kitchen, if I took a shower. And he would always go in and check and say are you okay? I was like, no, I don’t understand why I’m crying, but I’m sure I will be okay. And it wasn’t even sadness, I don’t think it was sadness because I was happy and I would tell him, I’m not sad ,I promise you I’m not sad. I just don’t understand why I’m crying. And then after two weeks it just went away.
I was getting ready to call someone. In the middle of the night, I couldn’t sleep ’cause I was just crying, like for no reason. I went online and I found this website where you can text message them and tell them what’s going on. I was like, Hey, I just had a baby. I don’t know if this is postpartum depression. a person on the other line said, what do you wanna talk about? What are you feeling? I think I fell asleep in the conversation.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: That was very helpful because even though it wasn’t depression, I know if I hadn’t reached out and understood it was normal, I would’ve just ignored it and it could have been something that affected me long term.
Jamie: Yeah. Do you remember what who you contacted?
Jessianna: No I’m pretty sure it was a nonprofit organization. It wasn’t in Texas, I wanna say it was California. You could call and they’d refer you to a local service. They did give you the whole warning about Hey, if we feel you’re gonna harm yourself, we have a responsibility to call the local authorities.
And I was like, no, it’s none of that. I just don’t understand what’s happening. The person that came in said, Hey I’ve had four kids. This is a normal part of the hormone process. This is when you should be alarmed. And then she asked me like, are you feeling this? Are you feeling that? And I was like, no it’s not that. I just don’t understand it. And then she just like, after a while she was like, okay if at any time you feel like you need me to call someone, like I can make that call for you. And I was like, no, I just really need to talk to someone.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: I couldn’t even tell you what stuff I was talking about. I was just talking about random things to get my mind off of what I thought was making me cry.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: It was very convenient for me that I could text them. It was the actual person texting you.
Jamie: Oh, that’s nice.
Jessianna: They said take a few minutes for yourself every day, even if it’s taking a longer bath or a longer shower. Make sure you go outside and get fresh air if you’re indoors all the time.
Jamie: And that helped?
Jessianna: Yes, it did.
Jamie: Good. And what about breastfeeding? How did that go?
Jessianna: It took a few days before my milk fully came in and I was a little bit upset that my baby had to go into the NICU because I didn’t have enough milk. She wasn’t getting enough calories. Then it turned out she needed to be there. She would’ve been there anyway because her bilirubin levels were not the greatest.
We did have a little bit of latching problems when she was first born because she had a lip tie. So the first two months we had to give her a bottle and then try to breastfeed. So we would offer her breast first, and then if she couldn’t latch, then we gave her a bottle. It was all breast milk. Like it wasn’t a lack of supply, it was just she couldn’t latch properly. Yeah.
Jamie: Was it painful for you?
Jessianna: It was. Okay. And one, because I had to pump a lot sooner than what they recommended. I was pumping like every hour, so I wasn’t getting enough sleep.
Jamie: Oh gosh. Instead of every three. ’cause they recommend every three.
Jessianna: Yes.
Jamie: And because you had so much milk.
Jessianna: She wasn’t drinking it. When I was pumping, I wasn’t doing the full 20 minutes because it would fill up. I assume as soon as it fills up, I’m done. That’s not the case if you have an oversupply. Once I figured that out, I did work with a lactation consultant for the first 10 weeks. So at two month, we ended up getting her lip tie fixed.
We went to a dentist. The doctor said oh, send her to ot. We did ot and chiropractor and it still wasn’t resolved. She’s been at the chiropractor since she was two weeks old and it just wasn’t it wasn’t helping. So once we did the lip tie, once that got taken care of within a minute they’re like, here breastfeed. She latched right away. Right away.
Jamie: Oh, that’s awesome.
Jessianna: Up until a few months after I went back to work, like she only got a bottle if we were out of the house and I couldn’t breastfeed her. We never got how you breastfeed in public. We could never do it ’cause she doesn’t like to be covered.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessianna: She’s been exclusively breasted. She really doesn’t like a bottle. Like right now we are struggling with breastfeeding because I’m thinking we are close to weaning her.
Jamie: Uhhuh,
Jessianna: She goes to daycare, she used to do purees, but now she gets steak. She gets actual solids. But all of a sudden she’s in this deep progression and all she wants to do is cluster feed. I’m feeding her at least four or five times a night, similar to when she was first born. You try to give her a pacifier. You try to give her something else.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessianna: If it’s not breast milk, she like the breast. She doesn’t want it.
Jamie: Yeah. So at 10 months postpartum, how much sleep have you had?
Jessianna: I don’t feel like I get along with sleep because we’ve been co-sleeping.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: That’s something that people are like, no, you’re not supposed to do that. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you did it. But it is the only way that we were able to get sleep. I made a big deal about getting this fancy crib that’s like a mini crib and then it turns into a toddler bed and you can use it for five years. She’s never used it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: You either have to hold her or you have to fall asleep with her. So that is the only way that we’ve been able to manage maybe three, four hours a night and it was broken sleep.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: The only way we’ve been getting sleep is by co-sleeping, which means that I don’t really sleep because I’m trying to make sure that she’s comfortable.
Jamie: Yeah. And if she’s getting up four or five times a night, like co-sleeping seems like the best way to get any sleep for you also.
Jessianna: Yeah. I’m definitely weaning her at 12 months because she’s got teeth and it’s painful sometimes.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessianna: But yeah, we have a little bit of a stash in the freezer so we’ll go with that. Like right now, I’m struggling with my supply. And that’s just because she spends most of the day in daycare and pumping. I have to do it in between work. I have a workplace accommodation to be able to do that, but it doesn’t always work out where I can pump.
Jamie: Sure. Is there anything else you wanna mention about pregnancy or birth?
Jessianna: I would just like to say that there’s a lot of negativity out there for women that are over 40 trying to have a baby. I would just like to say to those women that are still waiting on their promise and they’re still waiting on their baby to not let that change how they feel about it. That person that’s making the comment is not the one that’s gonna be raising the baby.
Jamie: That’s right.
Jessianna: If your body is able to carry a baby, it doesn’t matter how old you are. If you wanna be a parent, you can be a parent through IVF, through egg donor, through adoption, whatever it is. But don’t focus on that negativity that others have to say about it. I think right now I’m more capable of providing a good life for my daughter and my current age than I would’ve been when I was 20, even when I was 30.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: I keep saying, God’s timing. I don’t mean to be cliche, but this is it really is that I couldn’t have been the mother that I am to her when I was that age. This is the time that I was meant to be her mom. The age it’s just the number. She was born when I was 48.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s awesome. We have one question from Instagram, she says, what kept you going during the dark times? Did you experience hopelessness?
Jessianna: I did, I read this comic book, Sandman and it’s like that thing hope always prevails anything. It does. I think for me, even on the days where I felt like there’s no hope, like at the minute that I said like this, like I don’t know what else to do. There was always that there’s still hope.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessianna: It might be small, but as long as you have that desire, keep going. I prayed a lot and sometimes I couldn’t even tell you what I prayed about. I just talked to God and spilled it all out. Like everything that I was feeling, everything that I was thinking, as crazy as it was what I was.
There was a reason why I wanted to be a mother. Even when I wanted to pray it out, it wouldn’t go away. I always had that hope that one way or another we were gonna have a child together. As long as you have hope, you can do anything, I think.
Jamie: Yeah. You have a few more embryos left. Do you have more plans to have babies?
Jessianna: I would like to have another baby, but it’s all in God’s plan. It’s still something that my husband and I talk about. I still keep thinking there’s three opportunities. You never know. I got my one child and I’m done. I think like even if we would’ve had a child a long time ago, it would’ve always been the plan to have more than one child. I’ll be 50 next year. I still feel like I can have another child, but it’s not a decision that I can make alone. It is a decision that both my husband and I have to be okay with. But I think if I had the opportunity to do it I definitely would.
Jamie: That’s awesome. There’s a few women listeners who are in their fifties and they are doing IVF too, so do you need any cheers or support? I got some for you.
Jessianna: Yes.
Jamie: Was there any product or anything that helped you through pregnancy that you could recommend to other women?
Jessianna: So I honestly think that acupuncture worked because I didn’t have the negative pregnancy symptoms that other women talk about. I felt like I had more energy. I think it stabilized my hormones and with just being calm because there was a lot of things that.
But as far as like vitamins and things like that, the only thing I recommend postpartum is that neutrophil vitamins, because I didn’t experience a lot of that hair shedding.
Jamie: Oh, you are lucky.
Jessianna: That’s one of the things I did from the day she was born.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessianna: I still continue to take prenatals. I try to drink a lot of water. But yeah. The thing that I think helped the most, or was most beneficial was the acupuncture.
Jamie: And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Jessianna: The biggest challenge was dealing with people that didn’t understand. I remember going to the chiropractor and somebody saying, did you really plan on being pregnant when you’re this age and the first thing you wanna do is get upset about it?
That was one of the biggest challenges trying to keep the negativity out of my life. I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried about having a healthy baby. And when you have all that negativity, you can get high blood pressure. There’s so many things that can happen.
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Jessianna: Definitely staying in shape, and I don’t mean lifting weights all the time but staying mobile, walking even if it’s 20, 30 minutes. That’s one of the things that helped me bounce back a little faster, even going through the pain of C-section.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s good. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant if you could go back?
Jessianna: Enjoy every minute of it and not be worried about the things that don’t matter. I think I spend so much time worrying about, oh my gosh, we haven’t fixed the nursery yet, we haven’t bought a crib. My baby has no clothes… And we didn’t get any of those things until maybe month five, month six. But I think early on I was like everything’s gotta be perfect. At the end she came, before I had everything perfect, like I didn’t even have a hospital bag fully packed and she still got here and she was still healthy.
I added a lot of stress on myself worrying about those things rather than enjoying the process. And I would definitely take a lot more pictures. One of those things was understanding that my body’s gonna change. So definitely, be kind to your body, be kind to yourself.
Jamie: And for our listeners that are trying to conceive over 40, what do you say to those women?
Jessianna: If it’s something that you wanna do, there’s a way. And if you really want to do it, don’t limit yourself. It could be just your hormones. It could just be something else that you need. I would say don’t take one doctor’s opinion like. Change everything about what you have to do. I would say get a second opinion. Get a second opinion. Definitely.
Jamie: That’s good. And where can our listeners connect with you online?
Jessianna: I am on Facebook and I’m Jess Marshall and on Instagram it is Jess underscore the posh life.
Jamie: Perfect. Ana, first, thank you so much for your service and your story and journey is just incredible and so inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
Jessianna: Thank you for allowing me to be part of this!