108. What happens when you spend $13,000 on a tummy tuck to “close the chapter” on motherhood, only to find two pink lines three months later? At 44 years old, Anne-Marie’s health journey took the ultimate plot twist, proving that the body has a plan of its own.
On episode 108, after five boys and two devastating miscarriage in her 40’s, Anne-Marie believed her journey to motherhood was over. She decided to reclaim her body through a health and wellness routine—incorporating a GLP-1 (semaglutide) and a major abdominal surgery—only to discover she was pregnant with her first daughter soon into her tummy tuck recovery.
In this raw and authentic conversation, we dive into the reality of “Ozempic babies,” navigating a high-risk pregnancy in your mid-40s, and the shock of facing gestational diabetes and post-birth eclampsia. Whether you are looking for hope after loss or curious about the intersection of weight-loss medication and fertility, Anne-Marie’s “second chapter” story is a powerful reminder that it is never too late for a beautiful surprise.
About the Guest
Anne-Marie Neves is a mother of six, a sales professional, and a resilient advocate for women’s health. After raising five sons and navigating the complexities of single motherhood and a 10-year age gap between children, she is now sharing her experience of finding love again and becoming a mother to a daughter at 44. Through her Instagram, she documents the “beautiful chaos” of her interracial family and inspires women to move from survival mode to thriving.
Connect with Anne-Marie:
- Instagram: @annedashmarie
Key Topics
- The “Tummy Tuck” Surprise: Healing from major abdominal surgery while a new life begins.
- GLP-1s & Fertility: The role of semaglutide in Annemarie’s health journey and the “Ozempic baby” phenomenon.
- Pregnancy After 40: Navigating NIP testing, genetic counseling, and the “geriatric” label.
- Health Challenges: Managing early-onset gestational diabetes and surviving post-birth eclampsia.
- The Motherhood Gap: The unique joy and perspective of raising a newborn with a 19-year-old son by your side.
- Safe Sleep & Co-Sleeping: Why Annemarie chose to follow her intuition and what “the village” looks like in the second chapter.
Resources & Links
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Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group or get on the Waitlist to Know When the next TTC Sisterhood Circle meets on Zoom.
Transcript
Jamie: Anne-Marie, welcome to the show!
Anne-Marie: Hi, Jamie. Thank you for having me.
Jamie: Today we are sharing Annemarie’s story at 44. Because you have five other boys, will you tell us how your story came to motherhood?
Anne-Marie: Absolutely. I was a young mother. I got married at 22 years old and had my first baby at 23. That probably was the hardest one of my children to get pregnant. I thought that I would just go off birth control and get pregnant right away, and that didn’t happen. About maybe six to eight months later, I found out I was pregnant with him.
I had another one at 25, and then I think I was 28 with my next son. And then 30 with my next. And then I had my last little boy at 34 years old. And he was quite a surprise baby. My pregnancy at 34, I was right on that teetering that line of geriatric pregnancy as they called it, back then, sometimes still do. In that pregnancy, there was some significant issues in my marriage with their father that had been ongoing for some time. But, that was it. And then I definitely thought, I was done. I had five beautiful little boys in the span of about 10 years and got pregnant easily.
About 10 years ago, I had started setting the wheels in motion to get strong enough to leave that marriage for me and my boys. I basically had my little 1-year-old breastfeeding, 1-year-old, and my little pack of boys, and we moved on and I started my journey as a single mom to my wonderful five sons and thought that chapter was closed in my life.
It was time to be a working mom and badass it up and just. Little did I know there would be a second chapter down the
Jamie: Tell us about that. You found love again?
Anne-Marie: I did find love again. I’d had several relationships, but I met my current partner Bruce three years ago, like he had an 18-year-old son. I had my sons. We thought we’re just gonna raise these kids, my boys, and travel and enjoy the rest of our lives, the rest of our chapter. We thought for just a brief moment, oh, it’d be fun to have a baby together. I don’t know, he only had one child and, had always wanted another, but I just said I don’t know.
That being said, we weren’t being careful. 4 months into our dating relationship where we had barely started to define that. Yeah, I think we’re just gonna see each other. We’re gonna delete the dating apps. And just go solo here. We found out I was pregnant, so I was shocked and almost a little embarrassed to tell him.
I’m like, this is like my brand new boyfriend. Oh, hi, I’m pregnant, I was 43. He was shocked. And so I was like, okay, I know we’ve just been dating for a handful of months, but I’m pregnant.
I immediately went to maternal fetal medicine and high risk because of my age at the time. Each of the scans were looking like the pregnancy was not viable. So we had to go through a series of ultrasounds and tests and things like that, and where they would find the sac but not the heartbeat and things like that. And so I was like, oh boy, this isn’t gonna happen.
I also had a miscarriage a few years prior at 41 years old. I was almost in my second trimester, so that was pretty devastating. I had to do a DNC and had that miscarriage, and that was really hard. So I was pretty sure after having two miscarriages now in my forties after I’d had plenty of successful, healthy, full-term pregnancies before in my twenties and thirties. But I took that as the sign of this chapter of my life is closed. I thought my body’s not gonna do this at 40.
In a little bit of that miscarriage grief, I decided to book a surgery to get my tummy redone. It was pretty stretched out after having five kids, and I’m like, you know what? I’m not doing the full mommy makeover. I just gotta get rid of this pupa. Like things are just, I just was feeling mismatched in the tummy area. So I booked a consultation and ended up having surgery like the next month after a miscarriage. I just full force go into the next thing to try and distract things from hard things, feeling things.
I got a tummy tuck. I did feel very insecure about my stomach after having those babies. With my third pregnancy, my appendix ruptured when I was seven months pregnant. we had to have surgery to remove the appendix and a gallbladder so I had a lot of scars all over my stomach. Then a hernia developed because I had another trimester to grow and I had the hernia surgery after that baby. So my stomach just looked like I’d been through war. I was not looking to look like a Barbie, but I just wanted to feel better and healthier and not always have this significant stomach roll in my clothes.
I got the food was taken care of. I’ll keep working on myself for raise these boys and have a beautiful life with my partner Bruce. Three months into my tummy tuck recovery, where I was still having significant scars and things like that and follow ups. I realized that my period was a little late, and so that morning I took a pregnancy test and I couldn’t believe it, like my jaw dropped. And I was like, Bruce, holy shit, you have to come look at this. So we were both just shocked and there it was the two little pink lines and I was like, wow.
I was a little stressed out considering that I had just spent like 13 grand on the surgery to repair all the births from my stomach. There was that feeling of this probably won’t be a viable pregnancy, so we’re not gonna tell the kids we’re just gonna go to the doctor, see how far we can get before I stress out too much.
Jamie: Can you tell us like what were you doing before that? Like diet wise or exercising? Was there anything that maybe help you with your fertility?
Anne-Marie: for sure. I didn’t feel like I was trying to get pregnant. After I had that miscarriage, I did get an IUD put in and I actually had some significant problems with it. I was having a lot of pain and found out that I had a uterine infection, so I had it removed. I was on a path of eating better and exercising, starting to feel better about my body than I had in a long time. And I had started a GLP one, so I started a compounded semaglutide. I had only been on it for maybe three months, and I think I lost 10 pounds, but I needed to lose a little bit more weight before that surgery to have the most effective results from the tummy procedure. I was on a GLP one for maybe three months. I don’t know if it was that, but there’s been a lot of discussions if those affect fertility.
Jamie: Yeah. And I’m sure you were wanting to boost your confidence and everything. So I’m sure everything was compounded with that.
Anne-Marie: Exactly. Yeah. I was on a health and wellness journey at the time. I was just eating better. I was exercising, I was lifting weights, I was walking every day. I had lost, a good amount of weight. The GLP one was a good little kicker to that. And then boom, found out I was pregnant and that journey just switched out of fitness to am I gonna be able to hold onto this little baby again this time I was really worried about it.
Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. Tell us about that. What was it like going to the doctor and then I guess, did you get a nip test for genetics and that sort of thing?
Anne-Marie: Yes. The first few scans were riddled with anxiety, as many moms know, especially after loss because you know what’s gonna happen. But those first few scans showed a heartbeat and showed growth and showed that little jelly bean, and it was like, oh my gosh, I think this is incredible. But I still was not gonna believe anything until I was well out of the first trimester. So I did want to consent to do the NIP testing. I did everything like, and we also tested a lot of other genetic sort of combinations that could happen with me and Bruce because we are a beautiful interracial love. I have a gorgeous black African American partner, a fiance. And there are also some things genetically that can be a little bit more prominent, like sickle cell and things like that. And so we went for the whole boatload of testing. One of my sons also has a very rare genetic disease that he was born with, that he’s been doing very well throughout his life with, but that can cause some significant problems.
So I was just like, yeah, let’s do every single test. Not knowing, like what if those tests would for forecast anything that I would do with pre the pregnancy or keeping the baby. But I did want to know, I just, I’m an anxiety ridden person in general, so we did the NIP testing and saw a genetic counselor and waited with beta breath on how everything was going.
We were able to open those results. That was a cool experience because it had been a 10 year gap since I had a baby. And it was like, oh, somebody doesn’t just call, tell your results. I got this little chat bot that said your results are in on my email. Do you remember? Did you get that too? Yeah. It’s oh, hi. How are you? Thank you. Welcome to. 2020 and beyond. And they’re like, you’re just chatting your way through it with a little chatbot and your genetic testing came out perfectly, perfect. There was low risks for any sort of genetic problems or chromosomal abnormalities or down syndrome.
Mine and Bruce’s jeans were looking great together. And then I got the faded. Wonderful little Would you like to know the gender? dot.dot.
Jamie: What’d you do? course.
Anne-Marie: Oh, of course. Yeah. I was literally in the middle of a training for my job and we were all on Zoom, a huge regional training. And I’m on camera and I’m just, trying to act professional in my meeting, but I’m like, holy shit. I’m getting, I’m fighting this out right now. And everything in me knew Jamie. Wait till Bruce gets home. This is a special moment. Open this together, blah. No, I wasn’t gonna do
Jamie: wait.
Anne-Marie: I’m I’ve had five boys, I have to find out.
Jamie: Huh
Anne-Marie: So I’m like, yes, and goes over. It’s a girl. And I just I can’t even describe that feeling of just, holy shit. I was so excited. It was
Jamie: five boys
Anne-Marie: After five boys, like I loved my boys. It was so fun raising all those boys. But I’m a girly girl at heart. I have, I’m the youngest of nine. I have six big brothers. I always just wanted to have a girl, like just have that experience. And so it was pretty incredible to find that out.
And then, yeah, literally as soon as we broken our training, I called Bruce and screamed. He’s okay, good. Is the baby healthy? I’m like, yeah, she’s healthy, but it’s a girl. So I could not believe it. Yes. And I still couldn’t believe it until I had every single ultrasound I had. At that point I was only, what, like 10 weeks when they do the NIP testing?
So it’s so early. I still had multiple scans to come the rest of that pregnancy and every time I had them like, look between the legs, I’m like, are you sure a penis didn’t grow? Double check. It’s still a girl. I still didn’t believe it until she was born. But yeah, it was pretty exciting.
Jamie: That’s awesome. Tell us about how was your pregnancy?
Anne-Marie: Pregnancy was actually really good. I had heard some war stories about how hard this was gonna be, being 44 years old. But it actually went really well. My first trimester I was sick, as many of us moms are. But man, I would say around 12, 13 weeks, as soon as I passed that first trimester, I was like, oh, hey. I was just rocking and rolling again. Feeling great. The second trimester was incredible. I got my energy back and I was working full time the whole time, raising all my other children and continued to work all the way up until the end. So the pregnancy was going great.
I should actually go back a little further though. Very early on in the first trimester, probably earlier than they would normally do. You know how they do lots of blood work? They did notice my glucose was high immediately. So that was, I would say maybe six, seven weeks or so. My ob gyn said, yeah, your glucose is high, and just because of that you’re gonna still do the glucose test and stuff mid-pregnancy like you do, but we’re just gonna assume that you’re pre-diabetes right now. We’re gonna treat this as if you have gestational diabetes. And I’m like, oh.
Jamie: Bummer.
Anne-Marie: I didn’t get to wait till 24 weeks to drink the orange drink. I had to start poking my finger and doing the GD diet early on. So that was hard, ’cause there’s so much you give up in pregnancy, it’s like I have to give up my ice cream sundaes and ugh, it was hard. Yeah. So I did meet with a nutrition counselor throughout the pregnancy and things like that, but
Jamie: So you were able to control it with diet.
Anne-Marie: Yes. Yep. I was able to control it with diet. I don’t even think we added anything in until maybe like third tramps of trimester. They added in the metformin just to be safe. But it was very well controlled, but I did have to prick my finger three times a day. I had to track all those results and tell them to my my gd, my gestational diabetes counselor and things like that. So I did have to track it throughout the time. So that was a little bit of a bummer, but other than that it went really well.
Jamie: Yeah. You said you went to an ob. Tell us, did you go to your regular one that you go through just yearly?
Anne-Marie: Yes, I went to the same one. I beelined right back to my bestie. She delivered all of my children, so there was no one else I would have do it. Yeah. They gave me some options for some high risk, maternal fetal medicine doctors. I’m like, she’s just as qualified and she knew exactly what to do with me. And she also knew my history of having postpartum and even, prenatal depression in the past with my pregnancies. So that had dated back quite a long time. So I felt the most comfortable going to, my OBGYN that I’ve seen for the last 20 years. So we had lots of giggles and everything about having this late in life baby. But she took incredible care of me.
Jamie: that’s great. Now are you saying you turned down the high risk doctor going to see one?
Anne-Marie: I did see high risk. Yeah. I mean I still saw a high risk doctor for the ultrasounds, and I think there’s those specialists with the ultrasounds that read the, what are they called? Perinatologists, that read the ultrasounds and things like that. So I was doing a lot more testing, but she was sending those orders over, so she was very qualified to do everything and surgeries and everything.
And so I felt very comfortable in her care. But we did refer to a perinatologist throughout the pregnancy, so if there were any sort of things on the ultrasound that weren’t looking right or developing right, he was advising throughout. But all my regular care was with her.
Jamie: Great. Now, what about moving your body? Did you do any exercise while you were pregnant?
Anne-Marie: I was working full-time, so I counted that as exercise. I’m in sales. Yeah. I am out in the field all day, every day. And so I counted those steps. And then I would do a little bit of weightlifting at night in my room things like that. So not any really big gym. It wasn’t a time in my life where I could hit the gym and stuff. I had a lot going on, taking care of my family and children and stuff. But I did try to move my body and things like that, and they also wanted me to do that, especially since I did have the gestational diabetes.
Jamie: Yeah, you’re doing a lot of walking in your job, I’m sure.
Anne-Marie: Yeah, I do a lot of walking my job, and we lived right next to a river trail, so I took lots of dog walks with our dogs out on the trail and things like that but gentle movement for sure. And then doing some weightlifting, but also there was some risks because I did have this very major stomach surgery and I have a, 1214 inch scar on my stomach. We weren’t sure how those sutures were gonna hold as I grew and grew. So they didn’t want me to do anything strenuous with exercise or lifting, just in case. But yeah, I put quite a, some pressure on those those what do you call ’em, incisions?
Jamie: Yeah. ’cause you were healing and growing a baby at the same time.
Anne-Marie: hundred percent. A hundred percent.
Jamie: Yeah. What did the doctor say like that, did that surgery, were they concerned about you being pregnant?
Anne-Marie: They just said, what do you think might happen? Is this just crazy to, to move forward with this pregnancy with. All these fresh, stitches and everything. And he said, we’ll see. And I got big. I got big. So yeah, I definitely, it was probably got bigger than in any of my pregnancies. And I think a lot of that was the gestational diabetes, even though I was controlling what diet man, the weight was packing on. I think I gained 60 pounds in that pregnancy. So it was tough,
Jamie: Yeah. I feel the same way about that too.
Anne-Marie: do,
Jamie: Yes. Yeah. I had gestational diabetes too, and I gained a lot.
Anne-Marie: Right. Yeah. I feel like there has to be a factor there about the insulin resistance or whatnot. ’cause even though I wasn’t hitting all the candy and stuff, it just was, it was like a, it was a fast moving train. I was getting real tired, even tracking the weight at that point. I’m like, this is depressing. Okay, that’s enough weighing in.
Jamie: yeah. They’re like, please step on the scale, and you’re like, no, thank you.
Anne-Marie: Yeah, it was rough.
Jamie: definitely. Yeah. So was there any product or anything that you could recommend that helped during pregnancy?
Anne-Marie: Man, for me, I get that hip pain, I dunno about you, but I always know I’m pregnant because like right away the sides of my hips just start killing me and I’m already a side sleeper. That pain was just incredible. So I was doing a lot of like just rollers and things like that on my hips and the pregnancy pillows and using just like cooling gels and things like that on my legs and hips.
That’s like the pain in my legs and hips is probably like the worst when I’m pregnant. I would say I was just going for everything and I was using a lot of like belly bombs and stuff and I forgot what it was called. It was some belly butter that I would spread all over. Just hoping that, but at that point it’s gosh, I’ve got the Frankenstein scar, I’ve got all my old surgery scars and my belly’s growing like whatever, this is gonna have to get redone someday anyway. Let’s just let it be.
Jamie: Yeah. Show him off.
Anne-Marie: I can’t think of anything specific I did besides just, really constantly adjusting my pillow situation and trying different pregnancy pillows and things just to get more comfortable ’cause the aches, of trying to get comfortable the whole second, third trimester were really difficult for me.
Jamie: yeah. Now what about preparing for her because you didn’t have any baby stuff, tell us about that.
Anne-Marie: Yeah, that was fun. I had everything for the boys. ’cause they were all about two years apart. So we used the same crib, the same bouncer, the same bassinet, the same little jumpy thing for every little stage. A couple years after my divorce, I definitely got rid of everything.
I think I gave everything to one of my nieces, who’s gonna be a new mom. And I’m like, I’m done having kids. So it was starting all over. But that was also really fun because things changed a lot in 10 years. Things got a lot cooler. So yeah, like the swings, I’m like, wow, look at this. It goes back and forth and side to side and round round and cradle. Cradle rock, so I did want like kind of some fancy stuff. And so I did get, money for a little bit nicer strollers than I needed. I got the halo bassinet and things like that. Looking back, it was dumb money because she slept in my bed from day one and she still sleeps in my bed, Jamie.
So I’m a big proponent of y’all. Less is more like they need body suits, diapers, and mommy.
Jamie: Yeah,
Anne-Marie: yeah. Yeah, that’s how we prepared. But yeah, we definitely prepared. I got lots of things. We set up a beautiful nursery, pink crib, pink, everything. I just went crazy with it. I’m like, she’s a girl. It’s a girl. We’re doing a thing here and a sparkle here and a feather here. Homegirl still doesn’t use that room. The cat sleeps in her crib and we go in there to change diapers on the changing table. But
Jamie: funny. I think that goes with age. Like at our age we are a little more financially independent. So we do think, oh, more is better. And sometimes it’s not.
Anne-Marie: Yeah. Like I didn’t go top of the line stroller, but I definitely was like, okay, yeah, and I do, you are more financially stable, and it was fun to just shop and get everything ready, but there’s a lot of stuff I didn’t need, didn’t use, but I still bought it for every phase, every little new phase.
And then there was some products that repeated, things that I knew, like I knew that I wanted one of those foldable strollers that you pop open and put the car seat, the newborn car seat in. Those little, they’re great. Like definitely get one of those are so useful. But as soon as they start sitting up, they don’t wanna lay back in that seat in that you, you’re already onto a different kind of stroller, so don’t waste all your money on the biggest and best ’cause You’re gonna find that they’re gonna be right onto the next thing so fast, you can’t even keep up.
Jamie: definitely.
Anne-Marie: And I got way too many clothes. I went crazy on the clothes. My goodness. We still have zero to three, three to six months all lined up in her closet. And I’m just waiting for baby showers to start giving the stuff away. ’cause I wanted all these dresses and really they just need those little sleepy nightgowns. Yeah, lot of preparation. Probably didn’t need it, but it was still fun to do.
Jamie: Yeah. It’s like you gotta wear those nice, fun clothes no matter what, and you save those for special occasions and it’s no. Wear those anyway.
Anne-Marie: Yes, a hundred percent. So we had some special occasions here and there, but she didn’t need as much as we had. But it was really fun preparing. It was fun doing the nursery and getting excited and everything. But really I’m like, what are the staples I use the most? The changing table. Get yourself a changing table. It’s great.
Jamie: What was something that you definitely didn’t need that you
Anne-Marie: the swing. The swing, yeah, the swing didn’t do much for.
Jamie: Yeah. Yeah.
Anne-Marie: Like I did the carriers, so I had the Moby Wrap and the Baby Bjorn. I bought brand new ones of those actually, I had a really nice baby shower. My girlfriends totally spoiled me with really nice stuff, so a lot of it I didn’t buy. But. Honestly, I just, my neck and back it doesn’t matter what carrier it ends up being, it’s just easier for me to hold the baby than to put ’em in the carriers. So I barely got any use. The pack and plate has not got one, one ounce of use.
Jamie: Oh,
Anne-Marie: We’ve traveled a lot with our baby too, but again, she sleeps right
Jamie: Sleeps with you. Yeah, that’s what I was gonna ask.
Anne-Marie: purchase. That was not needed
Jamie: used.
Anne-Marie: Hasn’t, not even, hasn’t been opened.
Jamie: Wow. That’s funny. Now what about classes? I’m sure you did not need any classes.
Anne-Marie: no, I didn’t do classes this time. No I didn’t. I asked Bruce because he hadn’t had a child for so long and do you wanna do some pre, some pre-birth classes so you know what to expect? He’s you’re a pro. I’ll be good. You just tell me what to do. I’m like you have to understand when I’m in labor. I’m not gonna always exactly wanna start directing you to do X, Y, Z. But in the end, we didn’t do it. We were so busy just raising kids and both working full-time. It was like, I know what to do, but I’m gonna, but I did tell him a lot, just just so you know, this is my birth plan. This is how I want you to support me. Things like that.
Jamie: yeah. Tell us about your birth plan.
Anne-Marie: I’ll tell you this. So I had the intention with my other children to go natural. I always wanted to try a natural unmedicated birth but always got to a point of no return. And the pain where I was like, gimme the epidural, I was actually able to, with my fourth child to have an unmedicated birth. And it was incredible. It was honestly incredible. I absolutely loved that experience. It was so hard. So much pain, but man, the endorphins and that happened after that were something that like better than any of my other births. But I’ll tell you the next bit, boy, that my last boy, that number five came and I was like, they’re like, okay, do you wanna do that again?
I’m like, no, I’m good. Do that girl. I knew right? It Zara, I’m like, I’m just hoping she’s gonna come really fast. She’s my sixth baby, right? So I’m like, she’s probably gonna come really fast and maybe I’ll make it natural, but if not, if I’m saying, get me the epidural, Bruce, you get that nurse and get me that epidural, I know what I want when I want it.
So my plan was to have a natural birth. I was able to have her vaginally, like all my other children. But she was one of my longest laborers. So yeah, the doctor warned me that because yes, you’ve had multiple pregnancies, but it’s also been 10 years this pregnancy. This birth could go lightning fast or it could just as long as you’re first, it could mimic your first, and my first was my hardest and longest and most difficult labor. So she was somewhere about in the middle. She was about second to my hardest labor and delivery, but still incredible. Yeah.
Jamie: Now, what about pregnancies? How does she fall under the easiest category?
Anne-Marie: I would honestly say, aside from the gestational diabetes part of it, and that just being an annoying thing I was tired, but I was tired in all my pregnancies. She was great. One of my best pregnancies. It really was. I think there was also something about it because my other boys were so close together that I always had a toddler while I was sick and pregnant to take care of this time.
I had children that were all free roaming and taking care of themselves, and they can make themselves snacks and I could really just rest and say, mom’s gonna go take a nap. Okay, mom, cool, we got it. We’ll throw pizza in the oven. So that was a really cool factor. So yeah, it was honestly one of my best pregnancies.
Jamie: That’s great. Did your OB want to induce you? Was that
Anne-Marie: Yes.
Jamie: Okay.
Anne-Marie: She did tell me early on she said, let’s just plan on that being the cutoff 39, because there are some risks after 39 weeks for mothers over 40. It’s slight, but I don’t wanna take any chances with you. So there can be a small risk of stillbirth or complications. So I was like, fine, I’m not fighting that. Why? Nope. I waited a long time for this baby girl, so if she said 39 weeks induction, it was fine. Everything’s gonna be just fine. So we got in induced at 39 weeks.
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy before we get into talking about your birth?
Anne-Marie: So Bruce proposed to me one week before her birth, so literally at 39 weeks he picked the perfect time and perfect place, and perfect spot. And I was ginormously pregnant to propose to me. So we’ve been engaged since she, before she was born, but have been so busy raising her that we still have not gotten to wedding planning, which we will for next year.
Gosh, I’m trying to think back. It was honestly, it was all great. All the scans were great. It was just fun and the end I did get very big, so I would say it was just really uncomfortable that last, the last couple months it was like, wow, I could feel it. And I think because of my stomach surgery that I had a few months before pregnancy, that part was starting to like, there, the incisions were hurting.
Jamie: I guess 39 weeks you went in for an induction.
Anne-Marie: I went in for an induction at 39 weeks. And yeah, it was just a big unknown is this gonna go just super fast or what? But I’d had a couple cervical checks before that and I was only, hardly dilated. So I was like, okay, we had a ways to go and it took away a long time. Like I checked in around 11:00 AM at the hospital and they started, within a few hours they started the fully balloon catheter where they,
Jamie: How was that?
Anne-Marie: Yeah, that, that’s rough. They put like that catheter up there and blow up a balloon in your cervix to start getting things going. It’s uncomfortable ’cause it immediately really starts some contractions. And of course I was hooked up to the Pitocin as well, getting that going. Once they took out that Foley balloon though, immediately I had a lot of the bloody show and things like that, and just because of my experience with birth, I’m like, okay, things are rocking and rolling now.
No, they weren’t. There was a good another 12 hours to go.
Jamie: Oh, no.
Anne-Marie: things were going like, it was every little thing that would happen. I’m like, Bruce, it’s getting close now. I know I’ve done this before. No miss Diva was gonna take her time and get here when she wanted to. We did the Foley catheter. We were on Pitocin. We increased the Pitocin, increased Pitocin, but this whole time, so I went about eight hours just laboring, unmedicated. I was really trying to do this. I was like, you know what? I think I can do this. But it was getting really frustrating because I think the last c cervical check they did after eight hours of consistent contractions every two to three minutes, some pretty intense ones. They said, you’re about a four.
And I was like, oh, alright. I’m exhausted, like tapping out. Like I had been breathing through these contractions, bouncing on a ball, walking the halls. My water had broke. And they had actually, they broke it for me, but things were not happening fast at all. So I was exhausted just mentally and physically.
And my partner was in the room, and actually one of my older sons, he really wanted to be a part of the birth. He wanted to be there with me. It was a really cool experience to walk the halls with my son, my six foot four son, who’s 19 years old. So he wanted to be there. So yeah, he’d kinda look away during the cervical checks and gimme privacy, but then he wanted to be there for everything.
But even he was tired afterwards. I’m hungry. You think I should go get a, I think I’m gonna go get some fast food. And I’m like, yeah, it was a long process. I’m only a four. I have to get to a 10. I asked for the epidural and as soon as I got the epidural, I was just like, I was like, I can breathe, I can relax.
And I fell right asleep. And I finally took a nice long nap. And this had happened in my previous my previous births as well. Once I got that epidural. I could actually really relax. My body started going right away, where it needed to be. So I took a couple hour nap and I remember Bruce and my son were watching an NBA finals game on the tv.
And I just woke up and said yeah, I’m feeling a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure. Like I feel like I need a poop, and I know that’s a sign that baby is low. So the nurse came and checked me and she’s oh yeah, you’re nine and a half with barely any rim left. The baby’s right there, I’ll call the doctor. And it was time.
Jamie: OB actually deliver?
Anne-Marie: yes. Yep.
Jamie: Oh, great.
Anne-Marie: She delivered. Yeah, it was a long, we were there for 13 hours, but she hung in there with me the whole time and came right in when it was time. So that was really fun to have her there.
Jamie: Yeah. Tell us how did it go?
Anne-Marie: By the time she got in the room, she checked me and she says, oh yeah, you’re complete. Baby’s right there. I can feel her little head, and I was just like starting to cry and all those emotions. And I did ask Ramir. I think that’s a really cool part of labor. I love to see the progress with the pushing and whatnot.
And with my other boys, honestly, I had to push a lot more. And so for me it was really good to see that when you have an epidural, there’s an element of you can’t completely feel how hard, sometimes, like you feel like you’re pushing hard and then you’re looking in your nurses, in your doctor’s eyes and they’re like, you can tell that maybe you’re not doing what you want them to do.
And I like having that mirror and I wanted to see her come out. So we had that there. But when it was time to go, it was honestly just a handful of pushes and she was there, so that was incredible. She came out the fastest, the least amount of pushes.
Jamie: was she the smallest?
Anne-Marie: No. Nope.
Jamie: Oh,
Anne-Marie: Nope. In the middle.
Jamie: Tell us what happened when she came out. Your, the doctor, the OB pulled her out and then what did she lay her on your chest?
Anne-Marie: Yep. Yeah, she just pulled her out. It was a couple quick little pushes and we also weren’t aware of her size. That was one thing with the gestational diabetes. In the previous scans, they were saying that she looked like she could be nine pounds. More. And so that was another reason why they really wanted me to deliver it 39 weeks.
So she didn’t get too big, but she was a little perfect, seven and a half pounds, but they pulled her out and literally she just, my OB just knows that I wanna ride on my chest, so just skin to skin immediately. And just got that beautiful little warm, wet baby on your chest, and the cord’s still attached.
And I just started sobbing. I could not believe that was my baby girl, so it was incredible, most incredible experience in my life and it was for Bruce as well. He was holding my legs when I was pushing, and he couldn’t, he just couldn’t believe how incredible that was.
When she came out, they laid her on my chest, she was very quiet. So I was a little nervous ’cause my last baby was having struggled to breathe and he was in the NICU for a few days, so I was like, she’s not really crying. She didn’t give us that big scream like a baby does.
She let her lay on my chest for a minute, but then they did wanna check and make sure she was okay ’cause she just came out like a quiet little birth. And they went and put her over on the table and I said, Bruce, go be with her. And they were shaking her and, wiping her down and doing the things to get that good solid cry.
And finally she just gave a couple ah, and she was fine. Her breathing is fine. She just came out just I’m good. I’m here. It was just not, she was a really peaceful baby, so it was a cool little thing. But yeah, we had Bruce cut the cord. He was very nervous to do that. And then just delivered the placenta naturally very soon after that.
Jamie: How was your recovery?
Anne-Marie: I felt incredible after I had her sore, things like that. But mostly the biggest thing that we started watching, I actually didn’t have any signs of preeclampsia throughout the whole pregnancy, had great blood pressures, but as soon as I delivered this baby, my blood pressure shot up.
I ended up having post eclampsia, I think is what they call it. I dunno, there might be a better term. So it’s basically preeclampsia that you get after birth. So we had to monitor that for many weeks. I actually was back in the hospital in the emergency room several times over the next three, four weeks to watch my blood pressures.
Eventually they just had to put me on blood pressure meds, which I’m still on. So maybe that was a factor of an older birth. We don’t know, but yeah something about that just after part. So yeah, I had really sky high blood pressure and really bad headaches after she was born. They were trying to determine if it was, could possibly be a spinal headache, which you can get sometimes from the epidural placement.
If you get really bad headaches or if this was a blood pressure situation. But the blood pressures were really high enough that I was back in labor and delivery just a couple days after I got home with her twice. And then the emergency room another times. So we had to just really monitor it with my primary care provider and then eventually had to try a couple different medications to get that evened out.
I’m good now, but I’m also on meds, so I don’t know how long I’ll be on those, but I’m, yeah.
Jamie: How quickly did your blood pressure escalate from giving birth
Anne-Marie: Pretty much right after they delivered her, the blood pressure
Jamie: that quickly?
Anne-Marie: Yeah. But they also said you have a lot of adrenaline right now. We’ll take it again. And then, you know how they do your vitals constantly in the hospital, every reading, they were high. They kept me there for a few days and, just said, let’s, I said I wanna go home. I’ve got other kids. And they said, we just need you to monitor this and we need you to take your blood pressures at home and if you get a really severe headache or if these get worse or any significant swelling, you need to come back. Because my legs were actually, all my legs and ankles were really swollen up, so I was getting all the signs of what you would get in preeclampsia pregnancy, but after the birth.
We really had to watch that. It was scary and I had horrible headaches. That was maybe the worst thing, just having a newborn at home. Nursing her all that, but just with the searing, searing headaches. And not knowing what I could take, what I couldn’t take now that I’m breastfeeding. That was stressful. I had to extend my maternity leave a little bit longer until we could get the blood pressure stabilized. It took a few months after birth.
Jamie: Wow. And
Anne-Marie: Yeah.
Jamie: How soon did you feel healed into your postpartum?
Anne-Marie: Like I, I felt you mean like in the lady regions?
Jamie: Yeah,
Anne-Marie: Yeah. I would
Jamie: at six weeks I did not feel comfortable.
Anne-Marie: Yeah, I get it. No I felt good actually down there. Yeah. I would say within four to six weeks. And I think that comes from the fact that I didn’t tear, I didn’t have, episiotomy, the pushing was so easy, so I really felt great. I don’t even think we made it the six week mark for sex, yeah.
Jamie: you.
Anne-Marie: Yeah. But I’m sure on my first, that would not have been the story. I was much more traumatized down there.
Jamie: Yeah. This is your sixth birth.
Anne-Marie: Yeah.
Jamie: Probably makes a difference.
Anne-Marie: things were probably primed and prepped a lot differently. Yeah.
Jamie: How was breastfeeding for you?
Anne-Marie: Breastfeeding was incredible. Again, I think this just comes with experience. My first was, it was so hard. I had mastitis several times. My nipples would crack and bleed. It was a long, hard journey to breastfeed with my first, but man, with my six, it was just great. She latched on beautifully. And my milk came in, a couple days after the hospital, all that, everything went great.
Really had a great resting experience. The only thing I would notice that I did not have with my other children, and I also wondered if it was age. My milk supply was a little lower than with my previous children. That stressed me out a bit. There were times that I felt like she was gaining weight and whatnot, but she there were times that I could literally hear that she wasn’t gulping like the milk like it should be.
I usually had an oversupply and at that time I felt like I didn’t feel like she was super satiated. And I also had to go back to work eight weeks after she was born. I think when I started getting back to work and pumping and this and that it just still wasn’t, I wasn’t producing a lot.
So I actually had, my niece got pregnant the same time as me, which is funny, but she’s only six years younger than me, but she had a baby one week after I did. She had an oversupply so she would give me her milk. So she pumped a lot of extra and I was giving Zara extra of the milk, like giving her some bottles of her my niece’s breast milk.
So that was a beautiful village experience of mothering that I’m really grateful for.
Jamie: Not only just having someone else like being pregnant together, you also got to have milk like that. That’s amazing.
Anne-Marie: Yeah. So she did that for me for several months, and then all of a sudden my milk supply just kicked in and I didn’t need it anymore. I had plenty. It’s like my body just adjusted right around six months or so, and now we’re just, we’re still going.
Jamie: Oh, that’s awesome.
Anne-Marie: Doing great. And she also started refusing the bottle, so there wasn’t another choice. So it’s boobs only? Yeah.
Jamie: What is your plan like? Do you have any goals for breastfeeding, for length or anything?
Anne-Marie: She is gonna be 18 months here in a couple weeks, and this is the longest I’ve ever breastfed any of my children. But I don’t know. I don’t really have a cap right now. It’s going, breastfeeding’s easy and smooth. I would just say, just because so much older now, like the gymnastics that she does while she breastfeeds and climbing all over me. And it gets, I do get a little touched out at times. As much as I love her and love the experience she has to fiddle. So while she’s on one breast, she fiddles with the other nipple, and I literally can’t get her to stop because she’ll get really mad. And I know that sounds ridiculous, like I’m the mom, I’m the boss, but no, she’s the boss.
I don’t really have an end in sight. I thought maybe two, but I think it’s gonna be difficult to wean her at any point. When we were going through the blood pressure situation, there was a certain med that they were gonna put me on that I would’ve had to stop breastfeeding. And that really made me sad. And so they were able to switch me to a different kind of medicine. We’re definitely doing, we’ll be going into toddlerhood, breastfeeding probably, but yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: Now, how do you balance work and breastfeeding? Do you need a pump during the day or how does that work?
Anne-Marie: I don’t pump at all anymore that thing’s just been put away. I never light the pumping. I hate pumping. So when she was younger, I know it’s hard. It’s just really hard. It doesn’t feel as natural as when they’re suckling and it’s, it just, it hurts a bit. And I don’t know, I don’t even get as much milk as I do so I pumped maybe when she was a newborn and I was working I wanted to make sure to have some extra.
And I also just needed to do it because otherwise I would let down while I was, at work and have boob soaked shirt. So I had to do it for my own comfort. And then also having a little stash that she eventually never would take, ’cause she wouldn’t take the bottle. So usually she’d just wait and throw a protest until I got home and I gave her milk.
And to this day she still does so she’ll, but now she’s on foods and everything, so no, I don’t pump or anything anymore. She eats all her meals. She eats at the table with her brother. She eats everything we eat. She loves her snacks. She’s a great little eater, but she loves to have her milk throughout the day when I get home from work, before bed during the night, first thing in the morning after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch.
It’s crazy. But I have a good work schedule where I can make it work, try to stretch things out a bit and she can, go long period and have, breakfast and lunch with daddy and I’ll try and get home before nap time. She usually doesn’t even like to go to nap. She does contact naps. This girl’s got a wrapped on her finger. She does not go down. We have to lay with her and it’s generally needs to be mom and the boobs.
Jamie: Mentally, how were you this postpartum?
Anne-Marie: Honestly, I was doing so good the first year I couldn’t get over. Like I had her the day before Mother’s Day last year, which was so special to be in the hospital on Mother’s Day weekend and just had my beautiful little baby girl. And I was just, I don’t think I could have felt that amazing mentally like I was.
My hormones were just through the roof and all the newborn face. I felt incredible. And I kept telling everyone probably the whole first year of her life this is the first time I haven’t had postpartum. I don’t have postpartum. I don’t have postpartum because I had postpartum depression after all my boys.
And I think around her first birthday, things started to dip a little bit for me and I didn’t know why. And then actually, it’s been even more in the last few months. I had started noticing a big difference in my moods, my anxiety levels, everything. And there’s a lot on my plate. Like a lot of people are like you’ve got six kids and you work and you have a baby and you’re in your mid forties.
All true. But I also know my body enough to know when there’s an actual chemical change in my moods. I think I had some delayed postpartum depression. So a couple months ago in fact we were supposed to film a couple months ago and I texted you and said, Jamie, I’m not feeling good.
I can’t do this right now. That was my little funk. I went through a funk and talked to my doctor and adjusted some things and with my medication, and I feel really good again. After even that first year, there is no timeline. Pregnancy, postpartum does a number on our bodies and that postpartum and fourth trimester is not just the first six months or year.
You need to really listen to yourself and your body and your mind for a couple years.
Jamie: Yeah. So you only took eight weeks off from working.
Anne-Marie: Yeah, when I got pregnant with her, I had just accepted a new role and I was really. Scared to tell my workplace that I was pregnant. But I also was not sure if she was gonna, if it was gonna make it, I was early pregnant. I’m like, I’m not gonna give up this job. There’s a good chance I’ll miscarry again because I have the last two times.
And then when I got into 13, 14, 15 weeks, my belly’s growing and I can’t hide it anymore, behind a blazer and, my sixth pregnancy. So I was showing, I was like, I can’t hide this anymore. So I had to tell my management and I work for an incredible female centered company in women’s healthcare imaging.
And I was able to just break the news and I’m like, alright, I get it if you guys just don’t want me here and you wanna pick somebody else for this. I was opening a brand new market here in our state. And I’m like, listen I’ve gotten pregnant. And so they were great with me and said, no, this is incredible.
Take care of your baby, blah, blah. But that being said, I was only my first few months of work, so I had no maternity leave, so I had to use, I didn’t have FMLA either, so I had to use just PTO and short-term disability. And because of the blood pressure issues post post-birth that also was able to get my short-term disability extended a bit.
So yeah, I had eight weeks. She was eight weeks old when I had to go back to work. But again, I have a job that is very flexible. It’s not a clock in, clock out job. So I was able to adjust around having that newborn at home and not leaving her for, maybe like more than four or five hours at a time. That’s about all my boobs could take when she was really tiny.
Jamie: That’s great to have that flexibility in a job like that.
Anne-Marie: very,
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything else you wanna mention about your recovery or birth or breastfeeding?
Anne-Marie: No, I would just say for us co-sleeping has been incredible. I love it to death. It’s. Difficult sometimes, but for the most part, I think you get so much more rest. And I think as long as you follow those safe sleep guidelines and just follow your intuition. I really think that this is something that in other cultures around the world and with mammals in general, we’re we don’t have to separate from our babies.
I think there’s a lot of fear around things like that. She sleeps best right next to me, skin to skin, and I absolutely love it. So I say, do what’s best for you. And Breastfeeding’s been incredible for us, but also, however you feed your baby is best as well. But it’s been a wonderful experience.
I’m honestly absolutely loving motherhood at this part in my life. Yes, I’m older, I’m tired, but I think I was always tired raising my toddlers. It’s exhausting being a mother. I feel great. Otherwise though, because I’m so much more confident, I had so much more anxiety raising children in my twenties.
So much more anxiety. I was worried about everything that they did. I was worried I was a very anxious mom, and I’m just not with her. It’s she’ll be fine. Oh, she’s okay. Just don’t stress too much about a lot of things. And then also having a lot more of that financial stability and more just confidence in myself. It’s been just a beautiful experience. I absolutely love it. I love chasing my little toddler and yeah I say I hate the naysayers. I don’t care. Yeah. I’ll be 50 when she’s in kindergarten or whatever. Cool. Nice. I don’t care. We’re gonna be great. We’re gonna grow old together, she’s gonna be my little pal she might age me faster, but she’ll probably keep me younger.
And having this big age gap with my children has been a beautiful blessing. Absolutely love having these older children. Do they help? Yeah, they’re. Somewhat helpful for in short spurts, but mostly, they’re doing their own thing, but they absolutely adore her.
I love seeing those connections. So I think it’s been a really great experience and me and Bruce Love to just get our life right now and say, wow, we’re just the OGs, here we go. This is just a new adventure of a beautiful surprise that I could have never asked for anything better.
Jamie: Yeah. Do you have plans to have more babies in your forties?
Anne-Marie: I said early on, now that she is such such an age gap, I would like her to really have a sibling to grow up with. I’m the youngest of nine. I have a lot of siblings, I have lots of children that are very close in age.
I want her to have that experience, but now that she’s almost 18 months, I’m like thinking this might not be, I might be getting a little older, now I’m 46. I’d be 47 when it’s born. And that’s a lot. If I asked other people’s opinions, they all would say I was crazy. But I will say that I’m not preventing anything.
But I also still haven’t had a period that’s been crazy, so I don’t have any, I don’t know if I’m gonna go straight. I’ve always had postpartum periods show up about one year with my boys with my babies, and it’s nowhere to be found. So I’m very, I am not sure if I’m like just going right from baby to menopause or if this is just because of the extended breastfeeding.
Yeah, there’s nothing being done to prevent, but at the same time, I don’t know if that’s even gonna be in the cards for me or if this is, I had my I had my annual recently with my OB and they tested my hormone panel and everything looked fine. They said it just looks like you are a woman that’s breastfeeding, like very low estrogen, things like that.
It’s hard to tell if the fertility factors necessarily there or whatnot. ’cause all my panel looked like a woman who was deep in lactation.
Jamie: What has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Anne-Marie: Gosh. The biggest challenge is honestly people’s perceptions. I’ve had a few times where a woman said oh, is she your granddaughter? And I’m like, are you serious? Come on now. But no. For the most part, they don’t, when I’m with her and my oldest son and his girlfriend, they have been, sometimes people think that she’s their baby.
And I’m like, oh great. This is cool. I don’t like that factor because I don’t even feel my age. So it bugs me a little bit, but I’m like, okay, I guess I don’t look like I’m 20 anymore and that’s fine. But just some of those misconceptions I would say about being pregnant over 40 when there’s so much. Also beautiful stories and research and things that are backing up about how this is something, this whole fertility narrative has actually changed quite a bit. This, we don’t always necessarily take a big nose dive, just based on a chronological number. So it can happen for sure.
Jamie: what did your son say whenever you became pregnant? Did they have any comments about it?
Anne-Marie: My oldest son had the hardest time with it. The other kids were like, oh, wow, that’s cool. We wanted you to have a baby. We wanted, we love Bruce and this and that. My oldest was are you kidding me, mom? Come on, I’m 21. You’re, do this all over again. And he also, he’s the oldest. So he saw me carrying the weight of being a single mom to all of them for so many years that I think he just thought, this might be really hard on me. And just, more of a burden than it was. But now they absolutely adore her and they’re like, thank you for this gift. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us. And I’m like, I agree.
So I just think sometimes the best things in life are the surprises and those twists and turns, those plot twists. My life has been a nothing but a series of plot twists. So I say, in the low times you just hang in there because literally there’s always gonna be, a rainbow around the corner of some sort in some way. And you don’t know exactly what that looks like, but you can get through it. So I’ve been through some really hard things, but I really think that beautiful second chapters happen all the time. So you’ve just gotta hang in there for those and third chapters.
Jamie: That’s right. Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Anne-Marie: I would say have a really good provider. Have a good relationship with your provider, someone that understands you, someone that doesn’t use terms that make you feel like an old mom. If you, somebody says geriatric pregnancy, I would walk outta the office and definitely not see that provider.
My doctor made it seem like no big deal. We didn’t even say advance maternal age. I made more jokes about my age than that pregnancy then. She would just laugh ’em off. She’d be like, oh, stop. You’re doing great. I’d say, oh, is this because I’m old? And she’s you stop. Have someone that’s really your cheerleader because it’s hard enough, pregnancy’s hard, and the age.
So I would say, yeah, taking care of your body, getting, being fit, and like eating healthy. All those things are great, but don’t stress too much about it. Have a sandwich. Everything’s gonna be okay. Don’t over stress about all the things you read. And just go with, a good provider that can help guide you along the way.
And a supportive partner. Make sure you have that as well because you need someone that will can understand that you need lots of extra rest and lots of extra support, for those emotional and physical ups and downs.
Jamie: Yeah. What advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant, if you could go back?
Anne-Marie: Maybe try to be a little bit more active. So maybe pushing past that tiredness and being a little more active. I don’t know how much it would’ve affected the weight gain, but man, it packed on pretty fast, so yeah, that was difficult. The GD diet is hard and I didn’t always stick to it. Don’t stress too much about anything is what I say.
Jamie: yeah. Now we have a lot of listeners who are trying to conceive over 40. What advice would you give to those women?
Anne-Marie: I would say you just never give up hope. Never give up hope. I really didn’t think this was gonna happen for me after having two miscarriages in my forties. You never, ever know, and fertility is just a tricky thing, but I say if it’s something that you want, go for it. Absolutely. Listen to your heart.
Whatever methods you need to do whatnot, go for it. Never let anybody tell you’re too old. This is literally your life and you have control. You get to direct your own script.
Jamie: That’s perfect. Now, where can our listeners connect with you on the internet?
Anne-Marie: You can find me on Instagram. I share a very esthetic view of my life as a mother and the chaos and everyday ins and outs of having children and also just really helping to women that have felt like they’ve been in survival mode for a long time become thrivers. I’ve gone through a lot of death, a lot of grief.
I’ve been through a lot of things in my life and I really do believe that we can construct beautiful lives and beautiful stories even out of really dark narratives. That’s, I’m just at Ann Dash Marie, that’s what it is, because my name’s Ann Marie with the dash, and you can’t have a dash on Instagram, so it’s literally A-N-N-E-D-A-S-H-M-A-R-I-E.
But yeah, I just share that I share lots about my just beautiful little family and just the little quirks and journeys along the way of having this interracial love and having a beautiful second chapter in life.
Jamie: That’s awesome. And Marie, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your
Anne-Marie: Thank you, Jamie. It’s been so fun to get to know you over the last couple years. We were pregnant together and being able to do this with you has been really fun.