111. What happens when a fiercely independent Manhattan foreign correspondent who isn’t even sure she wants kids stops fighting the biological clock and takes the pressure off? At 43, Bettina Gordon ignored the loud societal age narrative, shifted her mindset, and got pregnant instantly—proving that life, fertility, and motherhood truly get better with age.
On episode 111, journalist and mental strength trainer Bettina Gordon shares the raw truth about being ambivalent about kids for years, dealing with a year of unprotected sex where nothing happened, and the exact tipping point that shifted her mindset from fearing a loss of freedom to embracing motherhood at 44. If you’ve ever felt crushed by the loud outside noise telling you you’re running out of time, Bettina’s story is the ultimate proof that your mindset dictates your reality, not a number on a calendar.
Bettina breaks down the fascinating science of biological versus chronological age, proving why fertility is simply an extension of your overall system, not an isolated ticking clock. From discovering her pregnancy in a majestic alpine hut on a mountain peak to navigating a 100% natural, unmedicated hospital birth run by midwives, Bettina’s journey is a masterclass in trusting your intuition. You’ll walk away knowing exactly how women in their 40s possess the ultimate superpower for motherhood, how to actively lower your biological age through five foundational lifestyle pillars, and why you should never give your power away to a medical system that relies on outdated statistics.
About the Guest
Bettina Gordon is a native Austrian, a mental strength trainer, and a veteran journalist who spent decades working as a foreign correspondent in New York City. As a third-generation mother to have a child in her 40s, she is a passionate advocate for rewriting the outdated narrative around age and fertility. Bettina is the author of The Joy of Later Motherhood and a TEDx speaker on aging in reverse, dedicated to helping women reclaim their agency, master their mind-body connection, and extend both their lifespan and healthspan.
Connect with Bettina:
- Instagram: @bettina.gordon
- Website: bettinagordon.com
Key Topics
- Overcoming Ambivalence & The Freedom Fear: Dismantling the internal struggle between loving your independent life and choosing motherhood later in life.
- Taking the Pressure Off: How stepping away from the ticking clock and avoiding fertility doctors actually opened the door to conceiving naturally at 43.
- Chronological vs. Biological Age: The science behind the Horvath Clock and how daily lifestyle choices dictate the true age of your cells and tissues.
- The 5 Fundamentals of Cellular Health: A breakdown of the core pillars—mindset, nourishment, movement, sleep, and nervous system regulation—that naturally boost fertility.
- The Alpine Pregnancy Test & Dubrovnik Reveal: Bettina’s gorgeous story of finding out she was pregnant on a mountain peak in the Alps and keeping the secret for 10 days.
- Grieving the Soul of a Child: A raw conversation on expecting a baby girl, navigating the complex emotions of finding out it’s a boy, and the profound soul connection of motherhood.
- Reclaiming Your Birthing Power: Navigating a 100% natural midwife-led birth in a hospital and learning to trust your intuition over medical certainty.
- The “Don’t Look Back, Don’t Look Sideways” Rule: Practical wisdom for handling a massive identity shift when your same-age peers already have empty nests.
Resources & Links
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
Instagram: Follow Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant
YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Bettina’s TEDx: Aging well: my journey to a healthier lifestyle
FREE copy of The Joy of Later Motherhood or HARD copy of The Joy of Later Motherhood by Bettina Gordon
Shop More: See ALL products recommended by our guests!
Support the Podcast: Donate to the Podcast
Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group or get on the Waitlist to Know When the next TTC Sisterhood Circle meets on Zoom.
Transcript
Jamie: Bettina, welcome to the show.
Bettina: Thank you so much for having me, Jamie.
Jamie: Today, we are sharing Bettina’s story at 44. But before we get started, Bettina, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Bettina: Yes, of course. So I’m one of the million women in our day and age who come to motherhood a little bit later in life. I was 44, but I’m also the third generation of women in my family who have- … the children in their 40s.
Jamie: That’s awesome.
Bettina: So I can speak to it from a mother, but also as a daughter of a woman who had me in the 40s. Yeah. And professionally, I am a journalist by trade.
Jamie: Tell us how it all got started.
Bettina: Yeah it’s very funny actually that I became a later mother because for the life of me, for the longest time I could not make up my mind if I want to become a mother or not.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: I had a very rich life before I became even a wife. I was born and raised in Vienna, Austria, and then in my mid-20s I left to make a life as a journalist in New York City.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Bettina: And yeah, in Manhattan. I build up the office for the magazine that I was working for. I became what’s called a foreign correspondent, and I had a lovely life, very full. I was dating in New York City. Back then it was not an easy place to date. I did not find the partner that I wanted to be spending the rest of my life with. Yeah? So I was looking for love rather than, settling with somebody that I was not 100% sure of.
I did not meet Joshua until I was 36, and then at 38, we got married. He’s a little bit younger than I am. And I just figured up until this point I love children, especially little children. However, I never had the need to have them on my own. Not just with a partner, but I never had the need to be a mother. Then when Joshua and I got married, I figured, okay, he will be the driving force. He will make the decision for me. He will be- … the one saying, “Yeah. Oh, yeah, let’s have babies now.”
But he didn’t either. So we were two ambivalent people coming together. After about two years of marriage, I turned 40, and Joshua said so maybe we should give it a try. And we did.
And Jamie, for a whole year we did not use any contraceptives, and nothing happened. Yeah, a year of unprotected sex, nothing happened. But here’s the interesting part. Outwardly, I would say, “Oh, yes, we want to have children. Oh, yes yeah we wanna be parents.” But internally, I had all kind of contradictory thoughts about motherhood. I was not sure if I would really like it so much. I was not sure, do I feel that I should become a mother because society expects it from me, my mother expects it from me, because it is weird to be in your 40s to not have a child? I had, like, all kind of different thoughts going on inside of me, that after the year when nothing happened I was not heartbroken. I was almost like, “Huh, okay. Nature made the decision for me,” more or less. I thought “Okay, so maybe I’m not meant to be a mom.” This is at 41 I said to Joshua, “Joshua, maybe this is not the right thing for us to do. Let’s just stay together without a child.” And here are the two important things in this juncture. A, I said that out loud, let’s not do that.” So I took the pressure off of myself. I took the pressure off of myself, and even though a whole year had gone by, we did not go and seek a fertility specialist.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: Cause if we would have talked to doctors, they would have immediately said, “No, hey, this is… you’re wasting time. You need to do something now. It’s like it’s precious. Every month counts.” So we did not have that pressure either. Not from me internally or anybody else externally. That’s why I know in hindsight that how important it is to think about time not as your foe- but potentially as your friend. Because once I took the pressure off of myself, I thought about, okay, what would I like to do with my life?
For example, I needed to switch jobs, ’cause the one that I was doing was not working anymore for me. I didn’t like it. Yeah. So I, I switched things around in my life. My husband got used to the idea. He was like at some point he came around, said, “Yeah, okay, fine then. We don’t have kids.”
So I gave myself some time, considerable, like almost two years’ time of doing other things, yeah? And while my husband got used to the idea of not having children, for me internally, it, it was still there though. The idea was maybe I should. Maybe I should. Maybe I should.” But in those two years, I worked out my crazy contradictory thoughts. Yeah. I worked on changing career that I felt I was, stuck in and did something that I really enjoyed again. We got a dog, so I could see, oh, my husband is actually a really great caretaker.
We changed things on many levels. I kid you not, after two years I came to this place where “Oh, my God, now I’m ready.” At 43. Yeah.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Bettina: Yeah, so I’m not saying anybody should take that long time like I did, yeah? But working out those kinks in the relationship, those kinks in my own thought process, those kinks in whatever, wherever in your life is really important- Yeah?
Because once I was ready, Jenny, I was ready. My biggest fear was always I would lose my freedom. Freedom is a big value of mine. It’s like the number one value. I was always afraid that I would lose it.
Then in March of 2013, so 13 years ago February, I read a story about a woman. She wrote a very empowering piece in Huffington Post. She wrote in her mid-60s, she never had children, and it’s a Tuesday morning and she go, can go up to hike on a mountain because there’s nobody that she has to go back to, take care of, and do all of these things. And for her, it was very impor- empowering that she, on a Tuesday afternoon, she could go and live her free life.
I read that and I thought, “Oh, wow,” ’cause I worked as a freelancer, yeah, so I already designed my life for freedom. At 43, looking back, I already designed my life for 20 years of more freedom and I thought, “Oh my God, in another 20 years from now, in my, when I’m 63- if I don’t have to show more for my life than freedom, then I didn’t do it well.”
And somehow that was just the one thing that brought me over that hump and that was extremely clear. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back or what is the expression?
Jamie: The tipping point?
Bettina: The tipping point, yeah. That’s much better. The tipping point is like, yes, I want and then because it’s been a while what I did instinctively I think I upped the ante in really eating super well. I took a lot of walks. I was in nature a lot. Yeah. I did some kind of detox.
When Joshua and I said, “Okay, we would like to try,” I got pregnant at 43. So three years later after we tried first. Nothing happened for a year, and I get pregnant instantly.
Jamie: What, it’s almost once you made the decision, right?
Bettina: Yes. Yes, Jamie. This is why in hindsight… Listen, could this have been a coincidence? Yes, of course it could be. But what if it’s not a coincidence?
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: That’s what I always wondered, because I took the pressure off of myself. I did not have the outside pressure of doctors telling me I have to do this now, and the next round, and the next thing, and the next thing.
I had no pressure. I mentioned at the beginning, I’m third generation of women having the children in their 40s, and because of that, I had not asked my phone, I never put into the phone, “Oh, pregnancy over 35. Pregnancy over 40.” I did not know the narrative-
Jamie: Yeah
Bettina: that is out there. I didn’t. I don’t-
Jamie: That makes a big difference.
Bettina: It makes I think a boatload, maybe even all the difference.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Yeah. So for me, when I got pregnant it’s almost less about what I did, but what I didn’t do. And what I did not do, I was not afraid of my age.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Because nobody had told me yet that it’s going to be difficult, that it’s going to be hard- that it’s most likely not, that, that I most likely can’t do it and so on.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: That is why I am a firm believer, and by the way, I became a mental strength trainer. I found out at the end of my education to become a mental strength trainer, I did that in Europe, the education, and that was in Italy.
I found out that I’m pregnant at the end of that education. Because instinctively I knew there’s something about, especially with me, where the mindset and my contradictory thoughts and the stress I had for that year that we tried-
Jamie: Yeah …
Bettina: made it more difficult, or in that case, impossible to even get pregnant. So instinctively I knew that the mind-body connection is so strong that I wanted to know about more how the mind works and how it really influences our bodies, yeah.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: That I even became a trainer. I got an education-
Jamie: Yeah. That’s awesome.
Bettina: … in, in that field. ‘Cause I feel it’s super, super important to any o- of our listeners to not be afraid of age.
Jamie: I would love to know what your mom said to you. And did she pressure you, or what did she say about your age and motherhood?
Bettina: My mom?
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: B- because she was in her 40s when she had me- … yeah, she could hardly put any pressure on me. Yeah. And she didn’t. And also, she and I we butted head, heads a lot. She knew that it would not, it would not fly if she would pressure me. But I know that others- could easily feel or sometimes you, there, there are so many reasons why we want to become moms.
I think when we get older I thought about this a lot, yeah. Do I want to become… So my mother, she never pressured me. She was just super when we finally told her I’m pregnant. She was, like, out of this world happy. So she became finally a grandmother in her 80s, yeah? So she was super, super happy about it. The pressure did not come from her. But for example, I could see, so I was in my early 40s, that some people even my beloved cousin who is my age, yeah, she let it slip once.
She just made a remark that made me realize, oh, she feels a little sorry for me, that I don’t have children. She loves me. She just, s- something slipped, it slipped, just a slip of the tongue, but then it made me realize, oh, she feels a little sorry for me. Yeah? So I really looked at this- but I also felt like this is my choice. I have the right to not want to have children.
Jamie: Yeah, sure.
Bettina: So it’s like my heart beats for both sides, so to speak, because I understand that will of I’m fine. I’m whole. I’m good. You don’t need to pity me, because I’m really good. Yeah? Yeah. That is your thing, not mine. We’re not going to have children. It’s just for me internally the wish for a motherhood did not go away.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: That’s why I came back to it. Yeah. But my parents, maybe this is a good segue, because if you are older and your mom, for example, had a child much earlier in life, we very often feel the pressure. Oh, my mom, she was 20-something. Yeah.
Jamie: We do, yeah.
Bettina: Yeah, exactly, to do like your mom. It’s out of love, out of, whatever you feel a lot older. And I didn’t have that, because my parents were in their 40s. And I had seen how young I kept them. My parents were really awesome, because they made friends with the parents of my school friends.
So automatically they the other parents, they were 10, 15 years younger than my parents. But my parents always kept up. My parents always did the same thing. If, they scheduled a hike up the mountain where I grew up in Austria, they had vineyards. It’s beautiful, and we would just hike up the mountain. My parents were always with them. There was never a, “Oh, we are so much older, we don’t do that anymore.” So I also knew that when you are older, you … There is really no guarantee that if you have your child early in life that you will have more time.
We now know, science tells us that the women that have children later in life, like mid-30s and later- … have a much higher chance to live to 100.
Jamie: Yeah. I’ve seen that a lot.
Bettina: Yeah, exactly. So that age thing was not a big a big deal for me…
Jamie: okay. How long were you trying before you got pregnant?
Bettina: We did the one year from 40 to 41.
Jamie: What led you to believe that you were pregnant. Were you just late on your cycle?
Bettina: Yes. I also, I don’t know, I felt like I would be pregnant. That is a very good question. I felt like I would be pregnant. It worked. It was just like a feeling. And then this is typical me, so I had just finished the education to the Mind Master training. I was in Italy, in in northern Tyrol in the Alps. I had stayed with a friend for a couple of days before I was going back to Austria, and I felt I’m pregnant. And I had a pregnancy test. But instead of doing it at my friend’s house, I took it we were supposed to and we did go up, take a gondola up on the mountain. It’s the highest mountain there. It’s called the Ritner Horn, and you stand up there, and you have a 360-degree view of-
Jamie: Oh my gosh
Bettina: the Alps all around you, yeah. And I thought, “No, I’m not gonna take the test down here.” My husband wasn’t with me anyway. I took the test up the Alp, yeah, the gondola up. And there is 100-year-old hut that used- … to be, for the, what is the English word when the people that take care of the animals in the summer up on the, in, in the Alps? Anyway, it was one of those hut. And in the hut I took my pregnancy test, and I found out I’m pregnant up there on the Ritner Horn.
Jamie: What a great place to take a pregnancy test.
Bettina: Oh my God, it was the best. I got the best pictures with the Alps in the back. And my friend, she was also a later mom. She had hers in her late 30s, early 40s. She was so happy. And yeah, this is how I found out I’m pregnant, and I didn’t tell my husband for 10 days.
Jamie: What were you thinking when you saw the test?
Bettina: It was interesting. I was extremely happy, but remember, I had been so ambivalent, do I want to become a mother or not. Yeah. That on one hand I was super happy, but then I really said to Brigette, my friend, I said, “Let me just sit here a little longer.” I sat down, looked all around me, which it was super ma- mis- majestic. It was just un- unbelievable.
And but was listening inside of me, am I really happy now, or is there any kind of doubt? .. It was just happiness.
Jamie: Oh, yeah. Why did you wait 10 days to tell your husband?
Bettina: Because I make a big deal out of things. I don’t know, because I wanted to make it super special. It had been super special for me, and Josche wasn’t with me. He was in America. Then we were in Vienna, but I wanted to make it super special for him. I couldn’t find the right place.
Then we go on vacation and then look for the right spot. We were in the old city of Dubrovnik in the harbor. Dubrovnik is where the Game of Thrones was filmed. It’s Croatia, and finally told him in the harbor of Dubrovnik.
Jamie: Oh my gosh. Yeah. So that’s when you tell him you were pregnant, but then you take the test in the Alps on a gondola.
Bettina: Yes …
Jamie: that’s amazing.
Bettina: And then, Jamie, it was so beautiful because it was June, and all the sheep had given birth to their little ones. So there were, like horses had given birth. There were the… what are the horses called? The foals. The foals and the what are the little sheep called?
Jamie: Lambs.
Bettina: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I can’t think about things today. And lambs, and it was, like, utterly outworldly. So there was fertility all around, yeah?
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I remember I came out of the hut and we went to sit down. They have a big round table, and there was a woman who was eight or nine months pregnant. She also had taken up the gondola, and she was there at the big belly. There was just fertility all around. It was incredible.
Jamie: Oh, wow. Tell us how your pregnancy was.
Bettina: Great. Great. I had… And here’s it. There’s an important part here. So I felt great all the time. I was not even sick once.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Bettina: Yeah, nothing. As soon as I became pregnant, I signed up, I don’t know if it still exists, but in Washington, DC, at the George W- at the George Washington Hospital, they had a midwife program.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: And maybe they still have it. And they were specialized in natural birth. And it was a very coveted program. Women totally wanted to get in. And as soon as I was pregnant, I put my name down on the wait list, and I actually got in. And honestly, there was a tiny bit of a misunderstanding, because natural pregnancy, natural birth, for me, meant no induction, no C-section- planned C-section. That’s what it meant for me.
I did not get the memo that it means absolutely no medication. So that part I only discovered when I was already in the program, but then I stayed, and again- Because I had signed up with them, so most of the women in the program were late 30s or at least mid-30s to mid-40s. They never put any pressure on me because of my age.
Jamie: Oh, good.
Bettina: I was super relaxed- … during the pregnancy. I did not feel, they did not make any difference. I never heard anything about my age. Yeah. So I could just relax, take it easy, and enjoy- … enjoy my pregnancy.
Jamie: Oh, that’s great. Now, what about finding out the sex? Did you find out the sex during pregnancy?
Bettina: Yeah. And I and I cried.
Jamie: Aw. Tell us the story.
Bettina: Oh. I knew I’m going to have a girl. And when I say I knew, it’s not that I expected it. I knew. I was 150%- … sure it’s going to be a girl. There’s no other way. Me, I’m going to have a girl. I wanted her. I really wanted her. My friends, and one of them is psychic, and she, “Yes. Yeah. A girl. Okay.
I go in to the appointments, you could already see the sex. I’m there by myself, and the technician says to me, “Would you like to know the sex of your baby?” And I say, “I know it’s a girl anyway.” And she looks at me and she says, “No, it’s not.” And I’m thinking, “My God, what does she know? She’s so wrong.” Yeah. The technician. She is so wrong. Yeah. She’s she has no idea. I didn’t say anything to my husband. That may have been at week 10, 11, so I didn’t say anything to him until we go because I’m still thinking it’s a girl, for week 20, the big checkup.
We are there, and she confirms it’s a boy. And Jamie, on one hand, I was super happy. Hey, listen, I have a healthy baby boy. Yeah. But that aside, when I found out it’s not my girl, I grieved her. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I know I’ve… somehow I was supposed to have a girl. I grieved her for years.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I could not stop thinking of her. There’s a soul that was supposed to come to me, and it didn’t. And then I thought “Where could she be? Is she with someone else? Did she come through someone else’s body?” There was just a soul connection to a girl and I grieved her for years. Yeah. I cried. But when… at 20, I at 20 weeks, I was very happy. Healthy baby boy. Yeah. I was not… I did not want him to be a girl. He’s… this boy is a boy as they come. Yeah. So I did not mean… I did not want him to be a girl, but I wanted my girl.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I don’t know if that makes any sense, but there was such a soul connection that I grieved her, and I looked for her.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I thought if she’s meant to be mine, she’ll come. I was always very open. In fact, I thought I would rather adopt than have my own child. But even the adoption thing, it didn’t come through. Yeah. We did not really go… I just thought maybe somebody knows somebody’s, she’ll come to me in this life another way, but that hasn’t happened yet.
Jamie: No, I can totally relate because I thought I was gonna have two girls also. So I really understand you have it in your head, you are going to have a girl. There’s no other option. And then you hear boy, and you’re like, “Wait, my brain really needs to understand this first.”
Bettina: The brain, but also I feel like the soul. Yeah. There was a soul connection. There was something-
Jamie: Yeah
Bettina: … and she just didn’t come this lifetime.
Jamie: Yeah. What about your pregnancy? Was there any product or anything that you could recommend that helped with pregnancy?
Bettina: Honestly, sorry, I can’t, yeah? Because I just literally, I was not even once sick. I had a very uneventful, beautiful pregnancy. And then I went into labor, and because of the midwives, yeah- … they gave me an- enough time. There was never any pressure, yeah?
They did a few other things that I thought was not so cool because what we did do, though it was you were giving birth with the midwives, however, not at home, but in the hospital. So if something would have gone wrong, the doctors would have been not far away, and a C-section, whatever. So it was in the hospital, but because it was run by the midwives they give you all the time in the world. If the doctor sh- if the shift ends, fine, then the next one comes. You’re not pressured in time or told, “Now,” because your doctor goes home, he’s now more eager to do a C-section before he goes home. There was none of that, yeah?
There was only one time the H came in because I was at 40 weeks, and they said that I should not go much over the 40 weeks. Actually, one night we checked we checked into the hospital and spent the first night, and then they put some, a strip onto the cervix.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: That started a few hours later, started with the labor.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: So it was not the the drip, the what is it called?
Jamie: Pitocin.
Bettina: Thank you very much. It was not that. Yeah. Yeah. But
Jamie: it w- They were probably dilating the cervix probably.
Bettina: Yeah. Whatever that was.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Yeah. It started the labor. And then I remember it became intense quickly. Like at 3:00 it started, and by 5:00 or so it was very intense, and I told them to check my cervix. And they were like, “Oh no. This is not even active labor yet.” And I’m like, “If this is not active labor, I want nothing to do with it,” yeah?
“Give me the epidural.” Because you can ask for it. It’s not that you can’t, but you can. So they said no. Wait a little. Wait a little.” So they coached me through it. But after some time I said, “No, this is if this is not active labor, then it’s like I want to have an epidural.”
Jamie: And
Bettina: They checked. That was not active labor, I was nine centimeters dilated.
Jamie: Wow.
Bettina: Yeah, they just told me it’s not active labor. I’m like, “See? See?” See, I knew it. It was too late for the epidural. It was like 6:30 in the evening and I think I was really getting somewhere with the birth. There was this time of being really calm. I freaked out a little bit when they told me I cannot have the epidural. And one of the nurses said to me, it was not the midwife, one of the nurses said to me… and I said something like in my panic, I said, “Oh now what can we do? What can we do to get the baby out?” And she looks at me and very lovingly says, “There’s nothing we can do. Only you can do that.”
For whatever reason, that really calmed me down I was like, “Oh, okay. So I am in charge. It’s me. It’s my body.” And then I took deep breath, and for whatever reason, this really centered me. Before that, I was a little freaked out, because I wanted something other, but then the power was with me again.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I took the power back, and I became very calm, which they often say this is before you, before the baby comes, like it’s really calm. I remembered a Native American saying, I do not know the tribe, pardon me, but that is that the mother, when she’s giving birth, she goes to the stars to the retrieve the soul of the baby. That’s exactly what I did. I said to put me down on a stool or whatever there was the chair is called. I became very calm, and I went to the stars to retrieve the soul of my baby and came back.
Then something happened, and this is why I know how incredibly important it is to have the right team with you when you give birth. As a birthing mother, you are extremely sensitive to the- Yes energies to what’s going on. At 7:00 there was a shift change. My team, and the midwife that I really liked needed to go. And in comes a woman, and she looks at me, and I distinctly remember, Jamie, I thought “Wow.” She brought cold energy. I was like, “Wow, she feels cold.” And that was the new midwife.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: I really believe if the old troop would have stayed, I would have had him within the next hour, maybe hour and a half.
Jamie: Ugh.
Bettina: Yeah. It took another five hours until he was then born. It was after midnight. At 1:00 something in the morning, but he was born. And all this breathing techniques that I did before, hypnotic birthing, that really didn’t work for me so well that went out the window.
It was a completely 100% natural birth. I did not have any medication, and it was very empowering.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: However you do it, it’s just an incredible experience. An incredible experience that can bring a couple so much closer together. I find this absolutely unreal that you can have sex and nine months later there is a real human.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: And it’s all grown in a woman’s body. It’s built inside a woman’s body. I find this so miraculous.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Really miraculous.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Then I was the mom of a, A baby boy.
Jamie: Did the midwife put him on your chest? What happened after that?
Bettina: Yes. Yes. So we left the umbilical cord intact for a few more minutes. It was immediately skin-to-skin. One of the nurses, she rubbed his head, because there was a little bit of fluid, and I was thinking, “Hey, get away from my child.” “Don’t touch him. Don’t do that.” But anyway, we had skin-to-skin, and we did not leave him. He was never out of our sight. He was always with us. He was either on me or on my husband for all the times. Because it was a night birth, they gave me two more nights at the hospital.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Bettina: I actually liked because they bring you the food, they bring you everything, and it was in the middle of winter, so it was actually nice.
Jamie: How was your recovery after that?
Bettina: It was relatively easy. Did they need to… Did I need some stitches? Yeah, but they do this right away.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: You get numbed up anyway, and you just had the baby, so it’s like almost who cares?
Jamie: Yes.
Bettina: I just had a baby, yeah? Just do your job and do it well. The recovery was was good. I don’t remember any complications. Any complications. That’s great. Then coming… Yeah, coming home my parents were in Europe. My dad was already deceased at the time, so my whole family wasn’t… there was nobody coming ’cause they were all in Europe. My husband’s family, they’re in Chicago, so nobody came to help. That was a little bit difficult. No, one family member came to help, but was not too helpful, let’s put it that way. That’s, that, that’s all I can say.
Jamie: I understand.
Bettina: After the first week, a friend came, and that was super helpful. She really then took charge and was very helpful. So if anybody can have some help, I highly recommend it.
Jamie: Definitely. How did you choose to feed your baby?
Bettina: I wanted to breastfeed, which was not easy because I didn’t have enough milk. On day 11, so I just, we went to the birthing center and get some lactation consultation. He just would not … It’s actually not true. He did latch on. But on day 11, the poor boy could not stop crying.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: So I did what I could. I tried to nurse him, and he j- it was, he was inconsolable all day long, just crying. So I called the midwife, and I say what should I do? What should I do? What should I do?” And she says, “Do you still have, when when you go to the-” when you give birth in DC that they give you a bottle of Similac or a couple of bottles of Similac, the formula.
I had brought it home thinking I’m never gonna use it, but she said try a bottle of the Similac and see if he is hungry.” And I swear to you we give him that, yeah. I was I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but we give it to him and he is instantly calm. He was hungry.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: I didn’t have milk.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: So he was just hungry.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I ended up doing for the next eight months is half-half.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: I did formula and I did breast as much, yeah, as much as he could get out of the boobies. I know now is actually how important it is to check the ingredient list- of the formulas, how much sugar is in them- Yeah … that already makes the baby metabolically unhealthy and craving sugar all the time.
He burped and farted a lot. So he had digestive issues. We went to a hypersensitive formula, but I wish I would have done a little more research on what exactly are in those.
I stopped altogether when he was eight month old- and then he transitioned to solid anyway.
Jamie: Gotcha.
Bettina: So he was maybe three months old, Hunter. It was in the summer, so he was born in February, so then it was like July, whatever. He was four month old, whatever it was. And we are going to an event. It was at the farm to something outdoorsy with him in Maryland, and there’s a lovely woman standing next to me and we are having a conversation. And he, she’s very complimentary and what a little cute baby this is and how great it is, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I said something that gave away my age. At that time, I’m 44, with a little bit of nice hairdo, nobody could see that I’m 44. She didn’t either until I said something that made her realize I must be older than she thought. Yeah. I swear to you, immediately she was like, “Oh, are you mom or grandma?” That did not cross her mind before. Yeah.
Jamie: What did you say?
Bettina: I don’t remember. I said something- … about something that happened in the ’70s. I don’t know.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Bettina: When I was watching… It’s not the moon landing. That happened in the ’60s, but something. Yeah. I don’t remember, and she was like, “Oh.”
Like, all of a sudden I went from mother to grandmother. Nothing changed. I looked exactly the same thing. Nothing changed. Yeah. So it is always just the perception of the person who is talking to you. It’s not have anything to do with you, ’cause I looked the same as I did a minute ago- when she thought I’m mother. Yeah?
They just judge the world from where they are. Yeah. We all do that. Yeah. Judge the world from where they are. So it has nothing to do with you.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I was never asked if I’m grandmother besides that one.
Jamie: Did y’all decide not to have more? How, what happened after that?
Bettina: Oh, yeah. No I would’ve liked to, but hun- my husband was too stressed out.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: I’m very glad that you bring this up. Thank you. That was the, that’s the point I wanted to make. H- Joshua was- He was stressed because he became the sole provider. I stayed home with Hunter. Yeah. So I was mother primarily, and my husband, who loves to provide, yeah, but there were things going on in the job and just, to having that much pressure and being a young, new father himself, that it would have not been the right time to push it in the first two years, three years. When I really would have liked to, he was he was just not ready.
It would have been too much to for him. And then I was 48, I thought “Yeah, okay then I came around only having one,” and then I got the cancer diagnosis.
Jamie: Ugh. And your mind completely shifted. Yeah.
Bettina: Then I had something, something other on my mind.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: I would have liked to. Yeah. We love being parents. We love it. I look around my table, I just see Hunter, I wish there would be more children. I really wish. We have a dog, but that’s it. And he in turn says, “Yeah, I’m so sorry. I could not do it back then.”
After the cancer I it was became emotional. I was like…
Jamie: yeah. You were fighting for your life, so i totally understand that.
Bettina: I wanted to please make one point here that maybe also your audience can relate to a lot, that when you have a child, in general, it totally changes your life. That is true whether you have it at 44 or at 24. That, that, that doesn’t matter. But I think the more life you have lived, the more we become used to living a life without children, without that kind of- that kind of focus on another being, that kind of responsibility, just the time commitment- yeah, to have another child.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: And what helped me, and I’m saying this because I just had a lovely email from a woman who they tried for 10 years with IVF- … and it didn’t work. Last try, so they have a child, and beautiful, bea- beautiful, healthy baby, all good. But she’s so surprised how much life changed.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: It’s incredible. Nobody really can prepare you for that. And what really helped me when I was struggling of all of a sudden I can’t leave the house without 500 bags from Cyprus to bottles and the baby and the stroller- … and the whatever else, I cannot just go out there with my case, and my dog that I made, I always told myself, “Don’t look back.” Don’t look back. Or for example, traveling became such a big different thing.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Traveling before a child and then traveling with him, yeah? Now that he’s so old, it’s easy again, but for the first five, six years, I always told myself, “Don’t look back. That was a different life. Don’t look back,” because that would mean I compare what I have right now with what it was back then, and then it’s that the grass is always greener syndrome, and that makes you very unhappy, potentially.
Jamie: Yes.
Bettina: Yeah. Yes. So I always say, “Don’t look back, and don’t look sideways,” because the next thing that happens with us is most of my friends in Austria, actually all of them, had their children a lot sooner than I did. Yeah. So for many, at 44, they already had the children out of the house. So of course, their life is full of freedom again.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: Their life is like, “Oh, yeah, now they can do the things that I could do until a year ago before I had Hunter.” So I think it’s just when we have children later in life, it’s important, or it really helped me, to think, “Don’t look back, and don’t look sideways to the people that are our age,” ’cause their life can be vastly different, and on the outside also easier-
Jamie: Yeah
Bettina: For some time at the beginning, ’cause it’s such a huge difference- Yeah … when you have a child or not.
Jamie: Yeah, definitely. What has been your biggest challenge being pregnant in your 40s?
Bettina: Honestly, I didn’t have any.
Jamie: That’s great. That’s great. Yeah.
Bettina: Yeah. That is that, that is relatively boring, my story in, in-
in that regard. I didn’t… I just really, I loved it. I loved the i- yeah I really had a wonderful time.
Jamie: That’s great.
Bettina: Once I fell down the stairs when I carried a big basket ’cause I, I took a wrong step, but that was- … not pregnancy related. That just happened during pregnancy. Yeah. There’s a little bit I was on crutches, but that has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: That would be, not seeing the step because I had a big basket in my hand.
Jamie: Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy or birth over 40?
Bettina: Yes, don’t give away the power to the person who shows up with the most certainty. Meaning, there may be a super well-meaning, nice, experienced people in the medical field, yeah, that have, they really think they’re doing everything right and they have your best interest at heart, yeah, when they say whatever they say, and they have the stats and they have the conviction and they’ve been doing it and they’re showing up with the most certainty.
If you get a recommendation that in your heart to heart feels not right, then I beg you to really examine and trust your instincts. These are lovely people. Some of them really have bad side manners, yeah, and are not the right people to be in that profession, but that happens in any kind of profe- profession.
But in general don’t give your power to the person who shows up with the most certainty.
Jamie: That’s awesome. What advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant if you could go back?
Bettina: I think I did this really right because I just enjoyed it, and what I was able to do is really scale back from work. I figured this is a one or maybe two time, two times experience in my life, and I wanted to really enjoy it and be there for it. I understand that this is super privileged to have this opportunity because I have a husband who is willing and able to be the sole provider.
Yeah? So I understand that, and especially not if you do this on your own, then you don’t have that opportunity. Yeah?
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: But whatever you can do to make this time a time between you and your child, this is a union. When the child grows inside your body, this is a bond and a union, a time that will never come again. Because as soon as they’re outside your body, it’s not the same. It’s not a unity. Yeah. You are a unity as long as the baby grows inside you. As much as you can, please get some things in order so that make it easier for you to really be and enjoy the experience.
I see that other friends, high-flying jobs, there, there’s nothing that she could do, but she was so stressed. She said, “I have no idea where my pregnancy went because this job was so stressful.” She says, “I often, it was 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon and I realized I hadn’t eaten.”
Jamie: Oh my goodness.
Bettina: So that is it’s a sacred time. It is potentially maybe it’s your only time. Maybe it’s one of two or three times, but this is still like nothing in the scheme of things. The more you can be and have time for that experience- I think the more you will able also to enjoy it.
Jamie: That’s perfect. Is there anything else you wanna mention about your birth or pregnancy?
Bettina: I just really want to say that It is very important to realize that the chronicle age is faulty. It’s really faulty. It still pisses me off to no end, because there are millions of women around the world who will make great mothers, not despite their age, but because of their age.
They’re older they’re more mature, they’re financially more stable, they have- they’re wiser. Yeah. They’re usually emotionally more stable. There’s we have worked stuff out in our 40s. Nothing to say that women in their 40s, they’re not stable or anything, them… But, like, when you’re young, you figure out life. That takes a lot of energy and a lot of focus. But then once you enter your 30s and especially your 40s, you have figured out a lot of your stuff.
All of these things make for great mothers, the best mothers that a child could ever wish for having. But us, us women over 40 are often made to feel less than less than fertile, less than deserving. We are shamed for having waited too long, be so career-driven and all these kind of things, which in reality is really a lot of BS.
Yeah? Because we are not so career orient- o- oriented, where the most of us are holding out for love, to find the right partner to have the children with, yeah? It’s not that we forget to have them. In all my interviews, only one woman said that, “Oh, I forgot to have children because I had such a great career.” Great for her, but there was only one. Yeah?
But we are felt that way, m- made to feel that way because we’re all put together in one big group and judged by a number that is our chronological age. We are all put together regardless of our upbringing, of our health, of our history, of our current socioeconomic status, of anything.
It’s just by the chronological age, and that is inherently wrong. So if anybody makes you feel bad about your age, you have permission to really push back, because this is also very old medicine. Yeah? Because today we know that there is a huge difference in between chronological age and biological age.
Chronological age being determined by the day you were born. I was born, so that makes me 56. The biological age is the true age of your tissues, of your cells, how they are functioning, how they are behaving, and that biological age is not fixed. It’s not just going up. It depending on lifestyle and the choices that we make on a on every day, biological age can go up or down, reverse.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: And we have a lot of agency over our biological age. I just did a whole TEDx talk on this topic- … that we are linking to i- in the show notes below as well. I did a whole TEDx talk on how to age well or even age in reverse based on all the science that we now have about biological age, and we can now measure biological age, which was not possible until 2013 when the first scientist came up, he’s called Steven Horvath, with the Horvath clock. It was the first time that we could measure biological age.
Jamie: Oh.
Bettina: Just think back when you went to your 20th high school reunion. This is usually when people can see, oh, wow, oh, she looks exactly the same as she did when she was 20. And then you turn around and look at a guy thinking like, whoa, what happened to him?
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: People don’t age the same way.
Jamie: So how can you measure this?
Bettina: So far this is not covered by insurance. And usually it is a blood test. You have to work with a company that offers those blood tests. And these are usually companies that are doing big blood panel and analyzing all kind of of of blood work, and then give you recommendations on what you should do, supplements to take, workout regimens, and so on.
And part of that is they also measure your biological age. The first ones, I do blood draw usually. Yeah. I also tested once where it was just a prick in the finger, a prick- … finger prick. Some of them do also saliva swabs, but I’ve never done that.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: But usually it’s a test that you have to pay for.
Jamie: Okay.
Bettina: . But that is super important to know.
Jamie: There’s not one way to extend this or dial the clock back, right? Like- No … everybody can do it differently?
Bettina: We have so many bio hacks. Yeah. So many strategies out there that people see from led- red red light therapy.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: The red light masks, yeah, to cold plunges to all supplement or NID IVs and such. But here’s really the most important thing is that you remember that if you want to lower your biological age, which I think is super important conversation in connection with fertility, yeah.
I’ve spoken to women that reversed their the menopause. Yeah. Wow. They went into menopause and reversed it and had a child after that. Yeah.
Jamie: Oh,
Bettina: There’s a lot of things that we can do, but for the beginning, what is really important is to remember that fertility is just an extension of overall health.
We cannot just look at fertility in this tiny area, yeah, around our midsection here. If this is… we can… if we just do ovary stimulation or whatever, this is not enough. We need to look at fertility as a part of the whole body of the whole system, and the healthier the whole system is, the healthier fertility becomes.
That first we need to focus on the fundamentals. The real magic is not in the bio hacks. It’s not in the gimmicks. It’s not in the fad. The real magic is in the basics, meaning mindset. We spoke about this a lot today. Nourishment food. Nourishment, yeah, the foods that either nourish your body or damage your body. We do this every single day with all the food choices that we make.
It’s either nourishing or damaging. So it’s nourishment, it’s movement. We all know that we need to move more, and especially important if work on your biological age in if you want to extend your fertility also for longer, prolong it for longer. Yeah.
Sleep is incredibly important for rejuvenation. Yeah. A really good sleep protocol that, that makes you sleep for your eight hours, whatever that means to you, whatever you need to do. But the eight, nine hours of sleep, super, super important.
Stress reduction. This is, I think, what happened to me when I took the pressure off. Like working with your nervous system, really learning how to shift your nervous system from fight, flight, fear, which is a state that we are in so many more times every single day than we even realize. Yeah. Just reading the news, you should stay away from the news if you want to get pregnant, please. Just reading the news can put you into a fight, flight, freeze state.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: The more we learn to shift from that state to the parasympathe- sympathetic nervous system where this is the only time when the body then can really focus on rest, repair, and procreate. We have to focus on the parasympathetic nervous system. The more we learn to shift from here to there, the better for fertility, the better for lowering your biological age. So it’s the mind, it’s those five things, and the toxicity of course.
Getting the toxins out of your, out, out of your environment. Yeah. So th- those five fundamentals are fixed with the mindset, and then there is a community aspect also when, … it’s a longevity booster. Yeah. Community, that you hang out with the people you like. Many people, this is why when they’re listening to your podcast, this is community.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: This is the part also that helps with longevity, that helps with health in general, and extending your, not just your lifespan, but also your health span. Yeah. Super important. These are the fundamentals.
There’s no one, one thing. Yeah? Because I cannot now say, “Oh, yeah, eat this and that,” or the this or this. Because if I say like broccoli is great for mo- for me, broccoli may not be great for you.
Jamie: Sure.
Bettina: And you can absolutely reverse your biological age. I’ve been doing it since 2019. I did what you are doing now with the podcast. I interviewed women that had their first children in their 40s, and shared their stories in The Joy of Later Motherhood.
I brought that all together in a book, yeah, back in 2018. And I know, that’s why I know that’s why it’s really important to me, and it’s lovely, thank you very much that you invited me on to speak to your audience on your podcast, because I know that these stories really change lives. I hear this every day.
You can get it anywhere in or around the world on Amazon, which is so easy with the books. I know how the impact, how it changes women’s lives when they hear the stories of other women who have gone before them.
Jamie: Yeah. Definitely.
And,
Bettina: yeah. We’re all here with you on your podcast because we want to share and help and bring joy and love to the woman that is going through it right now.
Jamie: And that is the book that you’re sharing with our listeners for free, right?
Bettina: Yes. Good point. Thank you very much.
Jamie: Yeah.
Bettina: So that is for anybody who listens today, I would like to gift you the electronic version of The Joy of Later Motherhood. And Jamie’s so kind to put the link in the description below. You can also just go to bettinagordon.com/joy. Awesome. ‘Cause I think it’s a joy to be a later mother.
Jamie: Would you like to give your social links and where listeners can connect with you?
Bettina: Yeah, please. I’m trying out to be on TikTok now with my with my 56-year-old- Yeah … on my, on TikTok. I have my Instagram account, but it’s, Instagram is so slow, and on TikTok is the growth is much faster. Yeah.
Jamie: Ooh.
Bettina: It’s bettina.gordon. Okay. The handle is bettina.gordon. Same on LinkedIn, please, if this is more a professional thing.
It’s Bettina Gordon or Bettina dot Gordon. And Bettina is B as a boy, E-T-T-I-N-A. And here’s again the book, The Joy of Later Motherhood. Please feel free to download it at bettinagordon.com/joy. And if you have any additional questions, just send me an email or DM me, yeah? And just say, “Hey I heard you on Jamie’s podcast,” and I will take especially good care of you. I always do, but then especially if you come from Jamie. Yeah, let me know.
Jamie: Bettina, thank you so much for sharing your story at 44.
Bettina: It is so my pleasure.