113. What happens when you mistake a surprise pregnancy at 43 for the early onset of perimenopause? After 11 years of believing her family was complete, stay-at-home mom Jeannie navigates a wild, emotional pivot from anticipating an empty nest to welcoming a surprise fourth baby.
On episode 113, when Jeannie scheduled a doctor’s visit to address hot flashes, night sweats, and an elevated FSH level, she assumed she was simply following in the footsteps of her mother and sisters who had all entered early menopause. Instead, a routine ultrasound revealed a dislodged IUD, and a month later—on September 11th—a positive pregnancy test that quite literally left her weak in the knees. At 43 years old, with her oldest daughter on the cusp of high school graduation, Jeannie found herself forced to completely rewrite the blueprint for her upcoming retirement years. In this episode, she dives deep into the complex, heavy emotions that followed, bravely uncovering the profound sense of shame and unworthiness she carried throughout her pregnancy as she struggled to accept a gift she felt she hadn’t planned for or deserved.
Jeannie pulls no punches when discussing the distinct physical and emotional differences of carrying a baby in her 40s versus her 20s. From an early fetal viability scare and a whole new level of bone-deep exhaustion to a sudden preeclampsia diagnosis at 38 weeks, her path to the delivery room required total mental endurance. She walks listeners through her intense, multi-hour induction in Sioux Falls, detailing the physical agony of a grueling hour-and-a-half push to deliver a sunny-side-up baby—and the incredible labor positioning trick from a seasoned nurse that finally brought her son safely to her chest. Looking back with a heart full of grace, Jeannie shares an emotional message for other women navigating later-in-life motherhood, wishing she could tell her pregnant self to banish the embarrassment, accept the support of a baby shower, and fully celebrate the beautiful disruption of a mid-life miracle.
About the Guest
Jeani Vincent is a dedicated stay-at-home mom, fitness enthusiast, and high school cross-country coach from a small town near the South Dakota border. Having previously raised three children—now ages 18, 15, and 12—she found her life completely upended at age 43 by the surprise arrival of her nine-month-old son, Laker. Grounded by her close relationship with her sisters and her even-keel husband, Jeannie uses humor and radical transparency to share the emotional highs and lows of mid-life mothering.
Connect with Jeani:
- Instagram: @jumpinjeani
- Facebook: Jeani Vincent
Key Topics
- The Perimenopause Mix-Up: Believing elevated FSH levels and hot flashes meant the end of her fertile years, only to discover a dislodged IUD and a positive pregnancy test.
- Overcoming Reproductive Shame: Navigating a heavy cloud of embarrassment, unexpected community comparison, and the slow, intentional path toward feeling worthy of her pregnancy.
- The Intergenerational Ripple Effect: Managing the mixed reactions of her three older children, particularly her high school senior daughter who faced a complex mix of shock and grief before ultimately melting at the first meeting.
- A Sunny-Side-Up Marathon: Transitioning care to a specialized hospital an hour and a half away to manage sudden preeclampsia, leading to a intense, painful sunny-side-up delivery salvaged by a legendary nurse named Carol.
- The Realities of Advanced Maternal Exhaustion: A deeply honest look at the profound, indescribable fatigue of postpartum life at 43 while simultaneously keeping up with a busy teenager schedule and a colicky baby.
- Permanent Prevention: The decision to undergo a postpartum laparoscopy to have her fallopian tubes completely removed, ensuring no more mid-life surprises.
Resources & Links
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Transcript
Jamie: Jeannie, welcome to the show.
Jeani: Hi. Nice to be here.
Jamie: Today we are sharing Jeannie’s story at 43. But before we get started, Jeannie, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Jeani: Yes. My name is Jeannie. I’m a stay-at-home mom. I have four children. My oldest is 18, graduated last year, and then I have a 15-year-old, a 12-year-old, and then our baby, nine months now.
Jamie: and tell us, did you always want to have four kids?
Jeani: I always wanted to be a mom, since I was little. That was always on my mind. I wanted to be a mom, and I always knew I wanted to have that as my job. I wanted to be able to be there for my kids for everything, just like my mom always was. I wanted to find a route in life where I could be there.
We never really had a number of kids, but we had our daughters, and then we had our son, and then I think we just knew we were done. We were ready to, raise them and then just move on. We had different plans for, when we’re older and when we retire and things like that. So I think we were great and okay with being done at three. I guess that’s where my story starts is thinking that we were done at three for 11 years.
Jamie: Yeah. Tell us, how did you find out?
Jeani: In 2021, I was having symptoms of perimenopause. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood, things like that. My sisters are older than me, and they were like, “Oh, you need to go in.” We all go to the same lady, and they both went through menopause early. My mom also went through menopause early.
So I went in 2021, and I was, my FSH was elevated. She put me on a little estrogen. So I just thought that I was venturing into perimenopause. I did have an IUD at the time, and I had just gotten a new IUD, so I, wasn’t gonna remove it or anything. We just kept it in.
That winter before I found out I was pregnant, I started having some just bleeding, and I hadn’t had that at all with my IUD. I ignored it for some time, and then probably like June I went into the doctor and we did an ultrasound and my IUD had become dislodged, so it wasn’t in the correct position anymore. So she said you come back in July and we’ll remove it,” and then, she’s our family doctor, she knows our, my whole family history, and she’s i’m pretty sure you’re probably fine to just you might be done. Might not need your IUD anymore, so let’s remove it and we’ll wait a month and check your levels again, and then we’ll see where you’re at.”
That’s what we did, and yeah, so that’s it. Within that month- … we just had a surprise.
Jamie: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Jeani: I went in and got my levels checked and at that time I didn’t know I was pregnant yet. That was August 22nd I had those labs checked, and she was like, “Oh, you need to be careful and we need to figure out what you wanna do.”
And so I was honestly thinking about going in and getting my tubes tied. I was also in this phase of my life where I wanted to get healthier and remove the foreign things out of my body. I was all about getting rid of the IUD. Trying to just be a little bit more natural, that kind of thing. So I was like, “Okay maybe we’ll look into that.” Didn’t really wanna get on birth control, that kind of thing.
I was coaching cross country at my local high school, and so we were doing cross country practices in the mornings, early, 6:30 AM. I just had just some symptoms, where I just wasn’t feeling very good in the mornings, and I just thought, “That’s weird,” and I honestly, pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind because with my other children, we didn’t get pregnant right away. It took us months and months to get to conceive with them. So I was like, “No way. No way did I conceive after one month of no IUD.” There’s no way that happened.
So I wasn’t even really thinking that. The main symptom, though, that made me think pregnancy was the breast tenderness and the pain in the breasts. And I’ve never been one to get very sick with my pregnancies. I always just felt a little nauseous until I ate, and then once I ate I was fine.
I had a little bit of that in the early mornings for when I was getting up for practices. I was very active teaching workout classes and doing things, and I just didn’t feel very good during. those workout classes and stuff. I just didn’t feel good. I remember the day. It was September 11th, ’cause you can’t forget that date.
Jamie: Did you tell anybody you thought you might be pregnant?
Jeani: My husband.
Jamie: Okay …
Jeani: we joked about it, to be honest. We were like, “Yeah, ha,” like that would never happen. Oh, my gosh, what would we do?”
So September 11th, I was at Walmart in our, in a nearby town, and I just thought, “I’m just gonna get a test and just to ease my mind, get that out of my mind.” And I brought it home and took it just in the afternoon, and it was, like, positive.
And I cannot describe the feeling that I felt. I literally weak in the knees, started crying couldn’t believe it. I was 43 and my daughter was graduating. This was not something that we had planned for.
I immediately called my husband, and I was very upset, crying and I said, “We have a problem.” That’s what, that were my, was my words to him. And he goes, “What? What’s going on?” And I said, “I’m pregnant.” And his response to me I will never forget was, he was silent for a second, and then he goes that’s okay. We like our kids.”
He was very good about it. Helped ease my mind and just, “We’ll be okay. It’s fine. We’re gonna be fine. We’re older now. We’re more financially stable than we were.” He really tried to ease my mind up at that moment.
That’s how I found out, and then I immediately called my doctor, and she said to come in, and she wanted to draw labs right away, of course, for HCG and that kind of thing. So- … just wanted to be proactive in making sure everything was okay. Yeah. That sort of thing. Seeing how far along I was exactly and that kind of thing,
Jamie: When did you accept this pregnancy? How long did that take?
Jeani: I’m gonna try not to cry, but It was a several weeks I struggled for a long time. I feel bad now because I have this precious little boy now, but it was very hard for me.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: There was some shame and embarrassment associated with it for me. I’m not sure where that came from, but I felt very ashamed and embarrassed.
Almost a week after I found out I was pregnant, my nephew and his wife told us they were expecting. And so I just thought, “This is what they should be doing, right now at their time in their life.” And now I don’t want my pregnancy to overshadow theirs or come in at the same time or take away from theirs because I’ve, I just felt like I had d- I’ve done this in my, with my other kids, and I don’t know if I just didn’t feel I deserved it or there was just that level of embarrassment or shame for me, and I don’t know why. But I, that took a long time for me to come out of that.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: I had to get to a place where there was also another thing that happened in our community at the about the same time a few weeks later, a tragedy in our community, and I whipped myself into shape that way. I don’t have a problem. I’m bringing a new life into this world, and it’s not a problem. We’re going to be fine, it’s going to be okay. This isn’t what I had planned, but we’re going to be okay. It took a lot of self-talk and a lot of prayers and confiding in my sisters to help me get into a better mind space.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: But it was hard, and it’s still, there’s still days where I struggle.
Jamie: Yeah. It’s hard to wrap your brain around the plan changing and-
Jeani: Yes
Jamie: … deviating that.
Jeani: Yeah.
Jamie: And it takes a while sometimes.
Jeani: Yeah, and you think you’re on such a path too. My life and I was going and doing what I wanted, going to my workout classes any time. I was doing my laundry whenever I needed, cleaning when I needed. I felt like I had my life in order, getting to all the things and doing all the things. Then this just stops you in your tracks, yeah. Oh, a baby changes everything. So it just, it took a while, but-
Jamie: That’s okay …
Jeani: it was, yeah.
Jamie: Tell us what was your pregnancy like?
Jeani: Actually it was pretty good. At the beginning we did have a little bit of nervousness. The first ultrasound that I had, the heart rate was very low. They could see the heart rate and everything, but it was just very slow. I think it was like in the, like 118 or something. They said to come back in two weeks to make sure that there was fetal viability. And so when you hear that, you get, that’s a, just a gut-wrenching way to put it, fetal viability, so for two weeks we had the question of is everything gonna be okay or is it not? And feeling the guilt that if it’s not, am I gonna feel like I wished this away, I had a terrible amount of that guilt on my heart.
But then after two weeks we went in and everything was fine. Heart rate was like 160s and baby was just fine, so thankfully, everything was good. We had that little scare at the very beginning but it was just, after that pretty smooth sailing. I, like I said, I don’t get sick as long as I keep eating. I have very easy pregnancies. I struggled a lot with the tired. I definitely felt a whole new level of exhaustion.
This being 40 or over 40 I felt was very different than from my earlier pregnancies when I was younger, I slept a lot, and I took a lot of naps during the day when my kids were at school. Then there’s guilt associated with that too. I should be- Sure … doing something, I should be…
But there was a lot of sleeping involved and just very tired, that kind of thing. I gained a lot of weight. I tried to keep active and stay working out. I always gained a lot with all of my pregnancies, so it wasn’t too different.
Jamie: What was your doctor’s reaction? Was she worried about age or anything?
Jeani: She was a little bit. She sent me to a different doctor in Sioux Falls, a bigger town near us. We had to go about an hour and a half, and she just s- suggested that I deliver there instead of one of the smaller towns near me. So we did have to go a doctor with a more specialized OBGYN in in Sioux Falls at the Sanford Hospital there. Then I just quit my regular doctor.
Jamie: Okay.
Jeani: And that was good …
Jamie: this doctor a recommendation from her?
Jeani: Yes. Okay. Yep. She recommended-
Jamie: Okay
Jeani: … this certain doctor she wanted me to see. I loved her. they did suggest the NIPT that test we did to make sure everything was fine genetically, that kind of thing. So we did that test early on.
Jamie: Did you find out the sex with that test?
Jeani: Yes. Yes, we did.
Jamie: Oh, tell us about finding out.
Jeani: Yes. Actually, I sent the results to my sister because she was going to do a big thing for us. So she was gonna make cupcakes, and my kids were going to do the reveal that way. She knew before anyone.
We went to her house, and she made cupcakes, and my three kids all bit into a cupcake, and one of them had the cupcake with the gender in the middle. She had green frosting for the boy.
Yeah. Telling my kids was another thing. I think I was 10 weeks along when I decided to let my children know. That was definitely very difficult. My two youngest, my 11-year-old boy, and then my daughter at the time was 14, my middle daughter. She and my son were excited, just shocked, excited. But my oldest who was graduating, it was her senior year, she was definitely not excited, not happy.
That was hard.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: Very hard. Yeah. She was not… She just couldn’t understand how we could let that happen, and why… I think there was a whole different side of it for her. I think she worried about missing out when she goes to college and not having a relationship ’cause she wouldn’t be living here with the baby, and I think that kind of hit her hard-
Jamie: Yeah …
Jeani: just thinking about all those things, so it took her a while to get used to the fact that we were expecting.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: Of course she wanted it to be a girl, so So then when we were fi- we found out we had a boy, she was like, “Oh, no, I wanted a girl.”
But I was actually very excited it was a boy, so that was… I was wishing for a boy once I found out, just ’cause ’cause I have two teenage girls, and they’re hard. And my son is not that hard yet, so so I’m like, “I could do another boy if I have to,”
Jamie: yeah.
Jeani: And I feel boy, boys have less things. We didn’t have to… We, we don’t have, we didn’t have anything. We didn’t have anything left over,
Jamie: yeah. How did you prepare for this one? ‘Cause I’m assuming you got rid of everything.
Jeani: Yep. Yep, we did. I did a lot of shopping on Facebook Marketplace for things, ’cause I didn’t wanna have to go buy new of everything. We don’t have an extra bedroom in our house either for him, and I didn’t wanna kick anyone out of their room. And especially my oldest that was going to college, I didn’t want her to feel like she didn’t have a place to come back to, so we just put him in our bedroom in a pack and play- when he first came home, and then turned my workout space into his little nursery now, so we found a place for him in our house, but yeah it was a lot of trying to find sales and trying to find things that were gently used, ’cause I just didn’t wanna go out and buy new of everything.
Jamie: Yeah, I get that. What about products-wise? Was there anything that helped you through your pregnancy?
Jeani: Towards the end, I took some stuff for sleeping, just Unisom that she said I could take. But otherwise, I just took a prenatal vitamin.
I felt very good through the whole pregnancy. I really do feel blessed that way because, I was able to stay pretty active and not have too many, symptoms until the very end when I had some preeclampsia towards the end- … of my pregnancy. I felt very good. I was very hopeful this time.
I struggled breastfeeding with all three of my children. I tried with all of them, and just never could get enough milk. And so I was so determined this time. Now that I’m not working and I’m stay at home, I can breastfeed this time. Maybe I won’t be as stressed, and maybe I’ll have more time and it it will come easier. That’s the one thing that still bothers me.
Jamie: Because you didn’t have the supply?
Jeani: Didn’t have the supply, and I tried for… I tried every trick under the sun, and just I would get this much milk, and he eventually needed more. So I did for, I think for a full month I pumped and gave him what I could- … but just had to supplement. Yeah. So he did get the colostrum at the beginning and some of the first breast milk, but- … but.
Jamie: What was your plan with birth going into it?
Jeani: We knew that we would have to be delivering in Sioux Falls, which was new to us because we just have always delivered in Watertown, which is a smaller town closer to us. None of my labors with my other kids had been, like, too quick where I couldn’t, where I barely made it or anything like that.
I wasn’t too worried about getting there. It is an hour and a half away, but once I got to about 36 weeks, I started having some symptoms, bad headaches just not feeling good not feeling very… Just feeling like something was off. And so the doctor was keeping a close eye on everything, and then my blood pressure started to get pretty high.
We kept an eye on that for a week, checked my protein levels in my urine and that kind of thing to make sure that I wasn’t getting preeclampsia. But then a day before 38 weeks, I went into my regular appointment, and when they checked my blood pressure there, it was high. It was, like, 150 over 90 or something. And she’s with your age and how you’ve been feeling, you’re 38 weeks now, let’s just be done.” I think I was dilated to a two already, and so she’s “Let’s just get you in and get him delivered. I just don’t like what your blood pressure’s doing and how you’ve been feeling.”
Jamie: Is she talking about a C-section or an induction?
Jeani: No, just an induction.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Jeani: Yep. I’ve always just been able to deliver vaginally so-
Jamie: Okay …
Jeani: I was very grateful that hopefully that was going to be the case this time again. We went home, grabbed our bags, and went back the next morning at 7:00 and got induced.
Labor was definitely, it was definitely the hardest, … delivery of all of my kids, I think. My first, my very firstborn, my daughter, she was a pretty difficult delivery too, but this one was… He was sunny side up, and I just could not, it was very rough trying to get him out and…
I think at 9:30 they gave me Cytotec.
Jamie: Okay.
Jeani: And I just walked. I didn’t wanna sit still. I wanted to walk- Yeah … and let things happen, and I wanted to allow myself to feel the contractions and that kind of thing.
I think at 1:30 the doctor came in, and I was in between a 4 and a 5, and she broke my water. And then I labored all afternoon. And then once it was, like, 4:00-ish, the contractions were starting to get pretty bad, and so I asked for an epidural. I got an epidural then.
And then at 7:00, right at shift change, of course, my contractions were… Like, I really started to feel like something’s happening here. I could feel it in my back and stuff, and I knew baby was about ready. They come in, and they’re like, “Oh, yeah you’re ready.” And so we started to push, and then they found out that he was sunny side up.
So I was just really having trouble getting him to come down and to push him out. So I pushed for, I think about an hour and 45 minutes before the doctor finally came in and helped a little bit. They were moving me back and forth and getting me into all these different positions, and, oh, it was just, it was very painful, but…
Jamie: Yeah, ’cause you have an epidural, so there was n- not a lot- Yeah … you could really do.
Jeani: No. And I felt like I don’t know. It was s- it was such an out-of-body experience because it was… my epidural was good, and I wasn’t feeling too much pain per se, but I was feeling a lot of pressure, and I just, I didn’t feel like I was doing a good enough job.
And, oh, it was just It was such a crazy experience, and I just, I have to laugh because I don’t know if it’s just South Dakota or what, but there’s nurses coming in and out, this, and this one nurse came in, and she was an older gal, and I think her name was Carol, and God bless her.
She came in, and she’s “What’s going on in here?” And she’s “Roll her over this way.” And she came and helped me get rolled over and she really helped to get things kinda going, I think, better so God bless Carol for coming in.
Jamie: What position did she put you in that helped?
Jeani: She put me on my side.
Jamie: Okay.
Jeani: Way on my side. I was almost on, like I felt like I was on my stomach almost, and then I had my one leg up, and then she was helping me. They had given me some, a towel to use to, pull back on my leg while I pushed. And that really seemed to help him- Okay … kinda move down a little bit more so that then when they rolled me back over, a doctor came in, and she could get ahold of him good enough, I think and help pull him out. Just ’cause he was… I suppose his little nose was caught or however that is when they’re coming with their face up, so anyway, he looked rough when he came out, but everything was fine,
Jamie: so they put him on your chest?
Jeani: Yep, put him on my chest right away. Yeah. And I just- that’s, it’s just a feeling like no other. No matter if you planned for it or not, it’s an out of, just an experience like no other, with your baby there. And everything was fine. I was just so grateful that he was here and he was fine, and I knew everything would be okay after that.
Jamie: Yeah. ‘Cause you came full circle with this, of not really accepting him, and then here he is- Yeah
on your chest.
Jeani: Yep, yep. Yeah. Yeah it’s definitely a whirlwind. And then just the emotions. And he was born two weeks to my pre- before my daughter’s graduation day. So that was a whole bag of emotions in itself. I’ve got one leaving, graduating. There’s all those feelings of your firstborn graduating, and then bringing this new baby in, and then all of the gamut of emotions that you feel just anyways, postpartum, all the irrational thoughts that go through your head- Yeah … when you’re postpartum. It was a rough couple of weeks, I tell you, but it was… It was good. It was good.
Jamie: What was your recovery like?
Jeani: Honestly, my recovery was very good.
I did not have a lot of pain. I did not have a lot of bleeding. I had, just the, nothing crazy with that. I honestly felt pretty good other than tired, I will say that the level of exhaustion I felt during my pregnancy and after was just something I cannot even describe. It was just this level of tired, and I even look back at pictures of myself, even our photo shoot we did with Laker after he was born, the newborn photos, I just look so tired.
Yeah. I’m like, “Oh, I wish I could, I wish I could go back and redo those pictures because the bags under my eyes are so big. But I was just very tired, and that was, that would be the thing I would say was the hardest for me, was just the exhaustion. And trying to… And you know when you’re so tired and you are trying to live in these moments and remember everything, but then you’re so tired-
Jamie: Yeah
Jeani: that you, your brain isn’t fully functioning, you feel like, and you’re just, I’m wanting to take in every moment of the graduation and getting ready for that, and every moment of my new baby and getting, getting everything settled with him. And I’m just so tired, I don’t know that I remember any of it.
Thank goodness we took a lot of pictures, and I wrote a lot of stuff down because I don’t know, it just all seems like it was a whirlwind.
Jamie: Yeah, a blur. Yeah.
Jeani: Yeah. And thank goodness for my sisters. They were so helpful at the time.
Jamie: What about mentally, how were you?
Jeani: Again, I don’t wanna cry, but I, it was hard. And it still is hard. I- Yeah … I would say to you that I am still struggling-
Jamie: Yeah …
Jeani: mentally with a lot of things. I have a lot of thoughts in my head that I don’t speak of a lot, but, It’s a scary thing at this age to have this little person that… And I feel like I just have this thought in my head because I lost my parents both when my parents weren’t neither of them were very old when they passed away, and they didn’t get to enjoy their grandkids for very long.
And so then I have those thoughts in my head “Will I s- will I be at Laker’s wedding? Will I see his kids grow up?” “Will I…” So it’s just those irrational feelings that you have in your head that I’d never thought of when I, with my other children, with my kids I had when I was younger, but now I’m thinking of those things, and if, and my way to deal with it is humor. I try to joke about it. I always joke with my oldest daughter, Ellie, I always tell her “Oh you’ll probably be raising him,” “’cause I’ll be in the nursing home.”
I say things like that just to, just because that’s how I deal with stress, is I try to be funny, and I’m not. But it’s h- it’s… There’s a lot of thoughts that I think of daily-
Jamie: is there anything that helps you cope with that?
Jeani: I would say my husband. He’s very he’s very even-keel.
He doesn’t get too excited about anything, and he’s very good to talk me out of, these thoughts that I have. We’re going to be fine, and no matter what happens, he’s going to be fine and, our kids will be fine. He’s not one to worry or, as my sister says, borrow trouble like I like to do.
So I think he helps me a lot, keeps me grounded, keeps me like, “No, let’s just live in the now and stop worrying about the what ifs,” and enjoy right now.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Jeani: I just think it’s important to say that it’s it’s not shameful and it’s not embarrassing, I wish I wouldn’t have spent so much time in those feelings. ‘Cause I feel like I spent a lot of my pregnancy feeling that way, and I didn’t really en- take the time to enjoy, the pregnancy.
Like my friends offered to do a shower and my sisters offered to do a shower, and I just, I didn’t feel I deserved any of that ’cause I’d already had that with my other kids. And I was like, “Why would I do…” I just… And I just feel like I missed out on some of that stuff to welcome new baby and things like that. Just because of that shame or embarrassment, I just felt like it wasn’t deserving of that or something. And now I look back and I’m like, “Ugh,” I wish I would’ve taken more time to do those things and to celebrate those things and live more in the moment instead of living in my feelings that I was feeling.
Jamie: Now, you found the podcast whenever you were pregnant.
Jeani: Yes.
Jamie: Did that help with-
Jeani: Yes …
Jamie: the thoughts?
Jeani: It, yes, it did. It helped so much. I’m in my car a lot driving to practices and games and what. We do a lot of sports and ballgames and things, and every time I was in my car, I had your podcast on with all the different stories, and it was just so wonderful hearing all of the women and their stories.
I have always been interested in all of those things anyways, just fertility when the Baby Story used to be on TLC, I don’t know if you ever watched that, but there used to be this- Oh, yeah … thing called the Baby Story on TLC. I was, like, obsessed with that show. I just always loved babies and loved hearing the stories, so I think that just listening to the podcast and hearing of women my age and what they went through, how their labors were.
I was very worried about my labor. I didn’t know would my body remember what to do. Would I have to have a C-section this time? I was very nervous about that. I knew that, my Sioux Falls doctor, she always told me, “You’re healthier than a lot of the 22-year-olds that come in here.”
She was always very reassuring to me and my health, and I knew that I’m an active, healthy person, so I didn’t really expect to have any problems, but I think it was just nice to listen to all the podcasts and hear about all the stories and different labors and situations and things that could happen, and the feelings that they were, those ladies were having.
And also to just maybe turn my guilty feeling and my feelings that I was having of, just unworthiness into worthiness. … Yes, you are deserving of this baby, and you can have a baby at- Yeah … 43, and you’re gonna be just fine, and everything’s gonna be great. And this is gonna keep you young. Yeah. And you’re gonna, and you’re gonna be a good mom, and you are a good mom, and everything’s going to be fine. So- Yeah … yeah. It really did help. I’m, I was very grateful.
Jamie: Good. I really had to work on that too. When I was trying to conceive, I felt undeserving. And I was like that’s why I’m not pregnant.” So I, I get that on a different level, for sure.
Jeani: Yeah. Yes. And then that’s the other thing too, is you have that, like, why, Why are other people struggling and I’m given this gift, there’s gotta be a reason. God must have a plan for me and Laker, so Yeah … so we’re going to, we’re going to roll with it here, yeah. And we’re doing good.
Jamie: Do you have plans to have more kids in your 40s?
Jeani: No, I do not. We’ve joked about it or talked about it, ’cause, you think he’s gonna be a loner now, when the other ones grow up, and he’ll be by himself.
But, like I said, my, my nephew and his wife had their little girl three days after Laker. Yeah, I think she was born three days after Laker, or… so they’re very close in age. And then my niece had a baby in October, so Laker will have his cousins there to play with and to grow up with. So I’m very grateful that God had that planned out. And he will have some tight-knit relationships there to build on.
Jamie: That’s great. So did you put another IUD in? Or what’s your plan?
Jeani: No I did get my tubes removed, actually-
Jamie: Okay
Jeani: … right away. June 30th we did that, right after I had him May 2nd. And June 30th we went in and she just removed my tubes.
Jamie: Oh. Is it a surgery where she-
Jeani: Yes.
Jamie: Oh,
Jeani: okay. Yeah, they just did a laparoscopy. She-
Jamie: Okay
Jeani: … gave me the option to do it when I delivered. But she said that I could have done it during that hospital stay- but it’s harder for them, she said. When your uterus is swollen and stuff, it’s harder for them to find the tubes, and it’s makes it a little bit more difficult, and you have a little bigger incision.
So she said if I could wait, that I should wait, and so we did. We waited till the end of June, and I went in and got that done. So yeah. Okay. So no, no more surprises for us. But yeah, we’re just, we’re grateful that he’s here and that he’s healthy and everything went fine, and we got my daughter off and graduated, and she loves him so much.
Jamie: Good.
Jeani: It’s ridiculous,
Jamie: good.
Jeani: The fear I had of her not being happy at first definitely went away. She- She melted the minute she saw him in the- Yeah … in the hospital room, so
Jamie: Yeah, teenagers, you know- Yeah … have a way with coming around with things.
Jeani: Yes. Yeah, I knew the first time she held him. I was like, “Oh, she’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be okay,” yeah. And I’ve got lots of helpers around here, so that’s good.
Jamie: Oh, that is one great advantage.
Jeani: Yep, it is. My daughters are great help. My son’s a great help. He is… when he walks in the door from school, first thing is wants to come see the baby, and so it’s been wonderful, and My sisters are wonderful help for me. And my mother-in-law, so yeah we’re doing just fine.
Jamie: You mentioned fatigue was a challenge for you. Is there anything else that was a big challenge for you being pregnant over 40?
Jeani: I would say the emotional, just the fatigue and the emotions and the thoughts. The mental part of it was- probably the most difficult for me, I would say.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jeani: That was the hardest for me to navigate. And I still have days where I let myself get into these, just these thoughts of, the what-ifs and the things that might could happen, I just worry about stuff that I don’t need to be worrying about, and I don’t know why that is, but.
Jamie: That’s easy to do.
Jeani: Yep. The only other thing I could say is, Laker has definitely been our most challenging baby- Oh … as far as sleep and just he had colic, fussy, couldn’t figure out his tummy, he just had some, lots of issues with his eating and that kind of stuff, so and we didn’t have any trouble with our other three, so that was very difficult to navigate.
When you’re trying to maintain all the other schedules of all the other kids and get them where they go, where they need to be, and games here and games there, and then we’ve got no sleep because our baby was crying all night, that was difficult. We’re finally I think getting over the hump here.
He is definitely getting better as far as his fussiness and stuff like that. So that’s that’s helping get that back on track so we’re not so tired and he’s still waking up a couple times a night, but we take turns. My husband’s a very good help, so grateful.
Jamie: Good. That makes a big difference.
Jeani: Yeah, yep.
Yep.
Jamie: Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Jeani: I would say to stay active. I’m very grateful that I stayed pretty active, that I kept walking and working out as much as I could. I think that really helped my recovery. I think that’s probably one of the main reasons I did feel so good right afterwards and didn’t, take me so long to recover.
Just give yourself grace and let yourself feel your feelings and take the time you need for you, and get yourself some really good friends. I have great friends and a great support group, great friends and family, and they all were just so kind and supportive through all of it.
Jamie: Great. What advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant if you could go back?
Jeani: If I could go back right now, I would definitely tell myself to enjoy it more and to say that I am deserving of this baby and I am worthy to be celebrated and it’s fine that I am having a baby at 43. It’s fine. My husband and I love each other and we are, it’s okay that we had a baby at 43. I should be happy and excited about it, and I just wish I would’ve taken more time to feel happy and excited about it.
Cause now I can’t imagine my life any differently.
Jamie: Now, we have a lot of listeners who are trying to conceive over 40. What do you have to say to those women?
Jeani: Oh just my prayers and my heart goes out to them, and I will definitely be praying for each and every one of them, ’cause becoming a mom and being a mom is the greatest joy that there is. Best job in the world. And so I will just keep them all in my prayers, and to keep trying and keep trying.
Jamie: And where can our listeners connect with you?
Jeani: On Instagram. I’m Jumping Jeanne on Instagram, I think is my Instagram
Jamie: I love that!
Jeani: It’s my husband also calls me Jumping, so I don’t know where that came from, but. And then just Jeanne Vincent on Facebook. So Instagram and Facebook.
Jamie: Awesome.
Jeanne, you came to me and said that you had a boring story, and that is not true. No. I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story.
Jeani: Yep, you bet. Thanks for having me.