After facing the heartbreak of a miscarriage at 39, Desiree experienced a “sigh of relief” by naturally conceiving back-to-back pregnancies that resulted in two healthy babies at ages 40 and 41. She joins the show to share how she navigated the shift from fertility fears to advocate for her own “fabulous” pregnancies, proving that staying in motion and trusting your body can change everything.
On episode 20, In this milestone episode, Jamie sits down with Desiree, an Atlanta-based prenatal and postpartum fitness coach who shares the deeply personal story of her journey to motherhood at 40 and 41. Desiree opens up about the emotional transition from a “surreal” first pregnancy and the heartbreak of a subsequent miscarriage at age 39 to the immense sigh of relief she felt when she conceived her two children naturally just months apart. She discusses the peace of mind she gained from checking her ovarian reserve years earlier and the “feisty” mindset she adopted to advocate for herself when providers labeled her pregnancy as “geriatric.”
Beyond the fertility journey, Desiree leans into her expertise to explain why movement is a non-negotiable tool for a healthy pregnancy and a smoother recovery. She shares a hilarious and raw contrast between her two births—one involving a high-intensity forceps delivery and the other a “greased-up turkey” arrival on Halloween. From navigating the “baby blues” to the vital importance of seeing a pelvic floor therapist for issues like prolapse and diastasis recti, Desiree offers a masterclass in staying strong, being kind to yourself, and throwing away the “societal manual” on what motherhood is supposed to look like in your 40s.hter was exclusively breastfed.
About the Guest:
Desiree is an Atlanta-based prenatal and postpartum fitness coach, nutritionist, and former professional dancer for the Atlanta Hawks who successfully navigated the transition to motherhood at ages 40 and 41. After facing the heartbreak of a miscarriage at 39, she conceived two children naturally in back-to-back pregnancies, relying on her deep background in movement and nutrition to advocate for a healthy, active experience. With a Master’s degree and a personal trainer certification, Desiree now empowers other women to reject “geriatric” labels and focus on functional strength, pelvic floor health, and the mental resilience needed to thrive during later-in-life motherhood.
Connect with Desiree:
- Instagram: @fitdesiree
Key Topics:
- The Fertility “Check-In”: Why Desiree decided to check her ovarian reserve at age 33 and how that data gave her peace of mind when she was ready to conceive years later.
- Navigating Pregnancy Loss at 39: A candid look at the emotional shift between her “surreal” first pregnancy and the devastating miscarriage that clarified how much she truly wanted to be a mother.
- Conceiving Naturally at 40 and 41: The “sigh of relief” in finding out she was pregnant again and the reality of having “back-to-back” babies just 15 months apart.
- Advocating Against the “Geriatric” Label: Why Desiree fired her first healthcare provider at 25 weeks to find a doctor who supported her health and goals instead of focusing on her age.
- The Power of Prenatal Movement: As a fitness coach, Desiree explains why exercise is vital, how to move safely, and the story behind her viral 39-week dancing video.
- A Tale of Two Births: A raw comparison between a 41-week induction with forceps and a “greased-up turkey” delivery on Halloween.
- Pelvic Floor Health & Rectal Prolapse: An essential discussion on the symptoms of prolapse, uncontrollable flatulence, and why every postpartum mom needs a pelvic floor physical therapist.
- The Nipple Pain and Latching Struggle: The “night and day” difference in breastfeeding experiences between her first and second child.
- Postpartum “Baby Blues” vs. Snapback Culture: Rejecting the societal pressure to “bounce back” and dealing with the hormonal drop-off during the first three months.
- Throwing Away the “Manual”: How to stop comparing your journey to others and let go of the rigid timelines we often create for our lives.
Resources & Links:
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Transcript:
Jamie: I’m so excited you’re on. Welcome to the show.
Desiree: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Jamie: And before we get started, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Desiree: Okay, I’ll try to do a CliffsNotes version. Let’s see. I grew up in Florida. No, um, I went to University of Florida, which was very fun. I was on the dance team there for four years. Uh, moved to Atlanta when I was 22. Danced for the Atlanta Hawks, which is the MBA team here. Uh, danced for them for six years.
Got my master’s in nutrition after that. Uh, started teaching dance and fitness classes. Got my personal trainer certification, opened a gym in 2016. I’m doing like a very brief synopsis year.
Jamie: No, that’s fine.
Desiree: And then became a mom in 2020. So it was like a super short journey to where I am now.
Jamie: And how old are your kids?
Desiree: I have a, oh gosh, he’s almost three. He’ll be three in April and then I have like 14 or 15 months old. The months confuse me. She’s a little over a year old.
Jamie: You were pregnant twice in your forties? 41. 40.
Desiree: Yes. Yes. So I got pregnant. Uh, and just content warning for those listening. I got pregnant at 39 and I miscarried at nine weeks, but then I was very lucky to get pregnant a few months after that.
So I actually was 39, I think I said that when I miscarried. And then I turned 40 and then got pregnant a few months later. And then I gave birth to my first at 40. Wow, this math is confusing me now that I have the two kids. And then I told my doctor that we wanted to have a second one and he was like, well, you need to get started.
So then I got pregnant shortly after with our second, and here we are. So he, my first was a year and a half old when. When my second was born, yeah. I, I enjoyed it. Everybody was like, no, and I really liked it.
Jamie: And they’re all natural, all planned.
Desiree: Uh, so I don’t like to use the term natural.
Jamie: Oh, okay.
Desiree: Um, ’cause to me all birth is natural.
Yeah. So like, c c-sections are natural. Vaginal birth is natural. Epidural is natural. Non-medicated, I think is usually what people are saying is natural. If the baby comes out of your nose, it’s natural. Uh, like e, everything is natural. Uhhuh. So I had both vaginal, both with epidurals. Oh my good lord. Both with epidurals.
Let me emphasize that because there is. No way. I could have done that. Well, I could have, ’cause they would’ve had to come out eventually. Oh. My first was forceps, so that was super fun.
Jamie: Oh, wait, wait, hold on. I actually was referring to how you got pregnant. It was all natural.
Desiree: Oh, I jumped ahead.
Jamie: You did.
Desiree: So, yes.
So, um, we did not, uh, do any sort of IVF. We were very fortunate to not have to, to have any outside help for that.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: When I was. I think when I was 33 we went and got my ovarian reserve checked. Mm-hmm. Uh, just ’cause like we knew we wanted to have kids, but I wasn’t ready at that time. And, you know, everyone’s like, oh my God, you’re getting older, you’re gonna have babies, blah, blah, blah, and everyone’s freaking you out.
Mm-hmm. So you’re like, well, uh, I guess I better go see a doctor. So she, she recommended that I have my ovarian reserve checked and she said if it wasn’t good, then we could talk about freezing embryos. ’cause. As I’m sure many people know, it is extremely expensive to do that. Mm-hmm. Um, so I was very fortunate to, uh, have had an excellent ovarian reserve at that time.
And then yeah, I get, we opened our gym and it was, you know, kind of like, well, we’re not having a baby right now. And then when I hit 39, I was like, uh, we should probably get started. And. See if that ovarian reserve is still hanging on.
Jamie: And it was still okay
Desiree: apparently, ’cause I got pregnant right away.
Jamie: Oh wow.
Desiree: Yes,
Jamie: yes. What was it like when you got, when you found out you were pregnant? Were you just late on your cycle?
Desiree: So we were, um, I did the, like the little test strips where you can see if you’re ovulating. So I was kind of tracking it. Like, we knew we, you know, we were trying and we knew what was happening, so it wasn’t like a, oh my God, I’m pregnant.
It was like, oh, cool, I’m pregnant. Okay, good.
Jamie: Oh my gosh, you were just so nonchalant. Oh, cool. I’m pregnant.
Desiree: Because it’s like, when you’re expecting it, you know what I mean? I think when you’re not expecting, it’s, it’s more like, oh my God. And, and because it was like, all right, well, let’s see if it ha. I was definitely excited.
Let’s not get that twisted. But I think it wasn’t like a surprise,
Speaker 2: Uhhuh.
Desiree: It was like, okay, good. It worked. Now what? And I, you know what’s funny? The first time I got pregnant it was very surreal and almost like, is this like, do I really want this? Like, what’s happening? It was kind of weird and I was really scared.
And then, and I’m obviously not saying that that’s what, what made me miscarry, but that was, that was the time I miscarried. And then when I got pregnant the second time, it was a very different feeling in my body, like emotionally. Uh, I don’t know. I felt like ready and I was like, okay, I definitely want this.
Mm-hmm. ’cause that miscarriage was so devastating to me and I was like, oh, oh, I really do want to be pregnant. Okay, I see now. So it was just very different experiences and I think like, you know, not truly realizing how much I wanted it.
Jamie: So the second time were, was your reaction the same? Oh, cool. I’m pregnant.
Desiree: I was definitely more excited. Mm-hmm. Because there was some weird bleeding stuff in between. The miscarriage and getting my period. And like, it was very scary. And in your head you’re thinking like, oh my God, I’m 40 years old. Time is running out. We need to get going. Like, when am I gonna be able to get pregnant again?
When is my period coming back? And so when it finally did happen, it was like a sigh of relief, I think. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, of course then I was terrified until I got outta the first trimester. Trimester. And then I went from terrified to like. Nervous. ’cause I think I was nervous the entire pregnancy,
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Desiree: But yeah, it was, it was very different that second time.
Jamie: Well, let’s talk about your first pregnancy and how was it?
Desiree: So my first one was awesome. I could have been pregnant for 50 weeks. It was great. I was, uh, teaching up until, uh, 40 weeks. I gave birth at 41 weeks. The pandemic hit a month before my due date.
Jamie: Mm.
Desiree: So it was like utter chaos. We actually had our baby shower the week before the world shut down.
Jamie: Wow.
Desiree: So at the baby shower, we had hand sanitizer signs that were like, don’t hug, just just say hi. Yeah. We were, we were so scared and. So it was having to transition our gym from brick and mortar to virtual.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: So doing that, getting ready to give birth, getting the house ready, like all that was happening at the same time.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Um, but I had so much energy and I was, you know, moving, as you saw my video at 39 weeks, I was still moving and grooving and they had to induce me at 41 weeks ’cause that baby did not want to come out.
Wow. He was like, this is comfy. I am staying. Yeah. Do you wanna say, during my first pregnancy, I switched providers and I want to offer this piece of advice for people listening. If you do not like your doctor, if you do not feel comfortable with your doctor, know that you can change providers because it should be someone that you feel safe with and comfortable with.
I think I switched at 25 weeks. Wow. With my first,
Jamie: what happened?
Desiree: Yeah. ’cause I was at a, so the, the place where I was, it’s an excellent hospital for trauma. Like if you get stabbed, great hospital to go to. Not good for if you’re pregnant. So they kept just telling me how, you know, I wouldn’t be able to go past 39 weeks because of my age.
And they kept telling me, do you know the risks of being of advanced maternal age and advanced maternal age? And they kept calling me geriatric. It was pissing me off. And I was like, you know what? I don’t want this. It’s stressing me out. And they’re very like by the book, but old school book.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: So I switched providers.
This was when I knew I had made the right decision. My first appointment with the first, the new doctor, I told him what the, the other doctor had said how I would need to be induced at 39 weeks and blah, blah, blah. And he, he turns to me, he, he was on the counter doing something and he turns to me and he goes, why?
I was like, oh, so I can go past 39 weeks? And he was like, yeah, why not? If you’re healthy and the baby’s healthy. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s a good sign. You
Desiree: like, cool,
Jamie: you made the right switch.
Desiree: I definitely did.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Absolutely. Yeah. ’cause I went to 41 weeks and he was like, uh, we got, we gotta induce. And he didn’t even want to induce, but like.
It needed to happen.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. So tell me about your diet during pregnancy.
Desiree: So I am, oh, during pregnancy. So first trimester was whatever I could stomach.
Jamie: Oh, no,
Desiree: because what they don’t tell you is that morning sickness is 24 7 sickness. Mm-hmm. Like it is not just in the morning, I. Felt like hell from morning to night.
It felt like the worst hangover I had ever had. And so it was a lot of that first trimester, like mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, like a lot of carbs, like starchy carbs. It just, and it was funny ’cause going into it, I’m like, I’m gonna eat so many fruits and vegetables and lean meats and protein, so my, I’m gonna be super healthy.
Boston Market saw a lot of me that first trimester. So yeah, first trimester it was whatever I could get down. Mm-hmm. Uh, buttered noodles. Ugh. So good. Yeah. Um, and then second trimester, I, you know, started to eat normally again, but, um, I tried to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables when I could and, and, you know, nutrient rich foods, but I also eat candy and I think, you know, things you’re not supposed to, air quotes, supposed to eat like hot dogs and.
Soda and just moderation.
Jamie: So you just non restrictive,
Desiree: correct? Yes.
Jamie: Okay.
Desiree: Yep. I didn’t eat sushi. I didn’t drink, but I don’t really drink anyway. And sushi. Mm-hmm. Doesn’t really fill me up, so I don’t like spending the money on it.
Jamie: Oh, that’s an excellent point. It’s so good though.
Desiree: It’s really good. But like I leave hungry and need an extra value meal, so.
Jamie: I hear you. It’s so true. And tell me about exercising during pregnancy.
Desiree: Exercise is so important. I am actually a prenatal and postpartum fitness coach, so this is one of my areas of expertise and movement looks very different for everyone. So for me, I was very active leading up to my pregnancy. So through my pregnancy I was very active, but I was doing things.
That were familiar to my body, so like I wasn’t gonna pick up anything new during pregnancy.
Jamie: Sure.
Desiree: Of course. Things like riding a bike, you know, jumping out of airplanes, stuff like that is not recommended. Jumping on a trampoline, but moving during pregnancy is so beneficial for both mother and baby. My second pregnancy was a lot harder than my first, uh, I was not able to move as much or as well as I did during the first pregnancy, but I still.
Exercised as much as I could when I could. So it was more like lightweight training, strength training, yoga.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Um, dancing when I had to, if I had to teach. But yeah, that first one I was like, let’s go. What’s everybody complaining about?
Jamie: Did you find out the sex of the babies?
Desiree: No, we did not. It was a surprise.
Jamie: Ooh, fun.
Desiree: Yeah. Yeah, we did, we did not wanna know. We, well, unfortunately, my doctor slipped and told me a few days before my first was born. I had a feeling though, that he was gonna be a boy, the first one. So it wasn’t too much. And, and, um, his dad didn’t, didn’t, I didn’t tell him, but yeah, so we didn’t find out for either.
Jamie: Just as a surprise at the end.
Desiree: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Like we wanted the whole, it’s a, yeah.
Jamie: That’s fun.
Desiree: Boy. Or it’s a girl, you know?
Jamie: Mm-hmm. That’s, yeah. I wanna do the same thing.
Desiree: Oh my God. Do it. It’s awesome. Yes.
Jamie: We are gonna do IVF hopefully next month, and I just wanna say, do whatever. Embryo is the best. I don’t care what sex, don’t tell me.
Desiree: Yes. Mm-hmm. I love that. I loved not knowing.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: It’s, I think it also takes off the table like a whole section of. Unsolicited advice, like people can’t give as much advice when they don’t know the sex of the baby.
Uhhuh.
Desiree: Like of course they still give it, but like that’s one topic that they can’t say anything about.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Yeah. And then of course you get the people guessing like on the same day you’ll get, oh, I think it’s a boy because you’re low. Oh, I think it’s a girl because you’re left.
Jamie: Oh, Uhhuh,
Desiree: whatever. Okay. Well, you got a 50 50 chance.
Jamie: How did you navigate that? Like clothes, that sort of thing?
Desiree: All um, all the gender neutral,
Jamie: just
Desiree: neutral stuff.
Like, and I, yeah, and I don’t really care about, like my daughter wears, my son’s hand-me-downs. Um, she always gets called a boy because she’s wearing like bulldozer pajamas, which, why can’t a girl be wearing bulldozer pajamas, you know?
Jamie: Good point.
Desiree: There are plenty of female construction workers. Um, so yeah, and then I’m obsessed with purple, so there was a lot of purple stuff.
You are.
Jamie: I love that.
Desiree: Mm-hmm. I love it. That’s my favorite. Yeah, so we didn’t really care. And if someone got like a girl thing for our boy, I didn’t care. Whatever.
Jamie: I love that. And was there anything that helped you during pregnancy? Like product wise or,
Desiree: oh God. I had the name of the brand in my head.
There’s like, they’re like these ginger tummy drops. Tummy drops.
Jamie: Okay.
Desiree: Oh. That saved me during my morning sickness. Those were the best. Those a pillow, like a maternity pillow thing. Like a prenatal?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Like a C shaped, ugh, that thing was great. All the pillows, um, and then a, a belly support band.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: That’s very helpful, especially as you get further along.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. We’ve had quite a few people recommend the ginger drops. Those sound really good.
Desiree: They are the. Oh, they’re the best. Yeah. Some days are those. Those were the only things that made me feel better.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. So for preparing, how did you prepare?
Classes wise?
Desiree: I had done a prenatal fitness coaching certification prior to getting pregnant, so that was very helpful for me. Movement and breath wise, just knowing what was going on in my body and then that covered a lot of what happens to your body as you’re getting ready for pregnancy. Mm-hmm. Uh, then I was planning to take classes, but Thank you COVID.
Jamie: Oh, that’s right.
Desiree: Uh, did not get to take those. Yep. So they were shutting things down. Um, we did have a doula. Mm. Good. Um, which ended up they Yep, yep. But they had to end up being virtual, so we were texting them the whole time.
Jamie: How disappointing
Desiree: they couldn’t be. Yeah. It actually worked out ’cause it was only my husband in there with me.
Mm-hmm. And he would text, uh, questions and stuff like that, but it did work out nicely. Um, and then afterwards, uh, they would bring us food and, and they offered advice postpartum, which sometimes the postpartum advice is more needed than the prenatal. ’cause you have so much edu information out there in your doctors.
But, you know, after you give birth, it’s. Nobody cares anymore. Yeah.
Jamie: Like,
Desiree: oh, you’re done.
Jamie: Yeah. Bye.
Desiree: So it was helpful having the doula afterward.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Yeah.
Jamie: So let’s talk about your birth. Yeah. Take us back. When you started, you didn’t give, you didn’t really go into labor, right?
Desiree: No, I did not. And I just, I wanna give a, a little warning before I give, uh, give my birth story.
It is, it’s intense. SI, I don’t wanna say traumatic, I don’t like throwing that word around, but it is, is a little intense. But I want to say that I did get pregnant after it. And I did have an easy birth with the second one, so I, I wanna preface my story with that. Okay. So getting induced and having your water broke, which apparently I found out afterwards, apparently that makes everything more intense.
Mm-hmm. It makes the contractions worse. It’s like, didn’t know that going in, but whatever. It’s fine. Um, so they had to break my water. And then I ended up getting an epidural not long after contractions started. Mm-hmm. And I cannot remember how long I was in labor for. I think I blocked that out. But let’s see, they induced me Wednesday night and I went into labor.
Nope. Friday morning.
Jamie: That’s a
Desiree: long time morning. So I was in labor. Yeah. It was a long time. Thank you. Epidural and drugs. And when it was finally time, they, they ended up having to. You know, made me start pushing because the baby’s, um, heart, it was dropping, blood pressure was dropping. So when it was time to push, you know, they made me do a few pushes.
The nurses didn’t really know how to direct me with my breathing properly, so they weren’t telling me the proper way to push. So I do recommend taking birthing classes. That’s one thing I, I wish I had done, but again, COVID. Um, so they weren’t telling me to push properly. They were telling me to push like I was pooping, which.
Not the proper way to do it. Anyway, so that was happening and then I pushed many, many times for a very long time, hours, I think. And then finally I remember the doctor being like, if you don’t get him out on this last push, I’m gonna have to cut you open. And I was like, oh God. Okay. So I like mustered all of my strength and just like, this is what you’ve been training for.
And pushed him out. The doctor had the forceps, so the doctor had his feet, like on the table. Pulling with the forceps while I’m pushing and they managed to get him out and it was like this chaos of like taking the baby, you know, making sure he is okay. The nurses are checking him. And then I just was li there are pictures of me just lying there with the washcloth on my head.
Bl like it was, it was intense. And I ended up passing out when I went, got up to go to the bathroom, so they had to put a catheter in me, which was not fun. But I also got to stay in bed for a few days ’cause they let us stay an extra day. So that was nice getting the extra hospital food and, and it was really tough recovering from that one.
I felt so. Just like sad ’cause I couldn’t, you know, stand up on my own and hold my baby without, you know, my husband being there. Like I couldn’t get up off the couch by myself. Which, you know, it’s the forceps that happen and just being such a big baby and, you know, he went to 41 weeks, so it was really tough.
But again, I do wanna reiterate, I got pregnant after that, so obviously it wasn’t, you know, so horrible. Yeah. That I didn’t wanna do anything.
Jamie: So Did you tear?
Desiree: Yeah.
Jamie: With all the forceps
Desiree: I did.
Jamie: Oh,
Desiree: I did. I, it wasn’t too bad. Um, and I did end up going to see a pelvic floor therapist ’cause I had rectal prolapse.
So she was virtual at first ’cause again, pandemic. Uh, and then I did end up going to see her, but strongly recommend that every single postpartum person goes to see a pelvic floor physical therapist. I don’t care if you don’t think you have a problem. Go see one anyway. It’s just so helpful. And, and peeing leaking is not normal.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: At all. Like, it’s common. It’s very, very common, not normal. So, so I did, I did do that and that was very helpful with the rectal prolapse ’cause. Like, it’s not funny, but it is funny. I had like uncontrollable flatulence and actually while I was teaching one of my classes, the loudest part you’ve ever heard
Jamie: while
Desiree: I’m teaching online, I’m like, oh my God, I really need to get this under control.
Someone, one of my students thought that they were moving furniture upstairs, and it was me
and I could not stop laughing. It was like, oh God, why? So, yeah. Thank you. Pelvic floor physical therapist.
Jamie: So is that one of the symptoms for this rectal prolapse? How do you know if you have that?
Desiree: So, so it can be, it feels like heaviness in your rectum, which you can have vaginal prolapse as well, and uterine prolapse, I believe.
And it just feels like heaviness. Huh? Um, like you constantly have to go to the bathroom or, uh, if you have a tampon falling out, something like that. Um, it just doesn’t feel right, like something feels weird and people who don’t know that might think that that’s just how they’re gonna be forever because they had a baby.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: But it’s not. It’s not normal and, but, but it can be fixed. Mm-hmm. That’s a good thing. If you have like very severe prolapse, then there are even surgical ways for them to, to handle it. They put in a, I think it’s a pessary they can put in. I think that’s what it’s called. This is beyond my scope of practice, but, um, but yeah, so there are ways to correct it and I think a lot of women don’t know that.
Mm-hmm. It’s not common knowledge. That. ’cause you know, you go for your six week checkup after you have a baby and they’re like, oh, it all looks good. And it’s like a two minute checkup.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: And they’re like, I can go back to having sex now. And you’re like, wait, what? I don’t wanna do that right now. Six weeks.
No. Yeah.
Jamie: Uhhuh. No
Desiree: thank you.
Jamie: So how was recovery
Desiree: that first one took forever. And it was a lot of reminding myself to be patient, to remember what my body had been through. Um, luckily I knew movement wise what to do and how to retrain my body and reintegrate my pelvic floor and my core, so it was very slow.
The second pregnancy, I had to keep reminding myself to take it easy ’cause I felt so great After that delivery, like right after I delivered, I was like, oh, no wonder people are like popping right up and doing things after they’re, you know, done delivering it. It was night and day. Mm-hmm. So that, that mm-hmm.
This, this time around, I, I had to really remind myself to take it easy, which I did.
Jamie: And how was breastfeeding?
Desiree: Oh, uh, definitely had issues with the first one.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: He, getting him to latch was really hard. That’s another thing where you think you’re just gonna be able to do it. But again, the instruction I got at the hospital was not great.
So that’s where, if our doulas had been in. At the hospital with us, they could have helped. Mm-hmm. Uh, but I ended up having to go to, um, a place here in Atlanta, breastfeed Atlanta, their lactation consultants, and they were so wonderful. ’cause I, I just felt so much pressure to breastfeed. ’cause you get that question constantly when you’re pregnant and you don’t realize how harmful that is with people constantly asking like, are you gonna breastfeed?
Are you gonna breastfeed? I didn’t even think of that as a harmful question.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: And then afterwards it’s like you have that head like, oh my God, I have to breastfeed or I’m a terrible mom.
Jamie: Yeah.
Desiree: And that’s not true at all. You don’t have to breastfeed. And when I went to the, the consultants, the very first thing they said to me was, you know, we’ll figure out what’s going on, but if we can’t get it to work, it’s fine.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: We can still feed your baby with, with many other ways and the baby will still be healthy. And that just kind of like took this weight off my shoulders and they worked with me to help with the latching. Um, and he was formula fed and breast fed in the beginning.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: But then my second baby. She came out and was like, latched on right away.
And I’m like, oh, you know what you’re doing.
Jamie: Oh wow.
Desiree: So again, night and day,
Jamie: just right away. Yeah. And what about your pregnancies? What was the difference between the two?
Desiree: Man that, um, like I said, that first one I felt great. I could have kept going The second one. My belly because they were back to back. I think that my, my muscles were already stretched out, so my belly hung lower.
Um, I gained more weight during that second one, so I was just heavier in general. Um, it was much harder for me to move. And that second one was all during, like we were home by then. We didn’t have our brick and mortar anymore. Everything was virtual, so I wasn’t getting as much activity. As I would’ve been if we had had our gym, because you know, when you’re before the pandemic, it’s like you have to leave your house to go places.
And then during the pandemic it’s like, oh, I can order everything and have it come to me. So it was a lot less movement unless I was making myself work out or teaching my classes. And I think I had to stop teaching, like I think at 30 weeks of my second pregnancy. It was just so hard. And I watched videos of myself teaching during that second pregnancy, and it’s painful to watch ’cause I look like I’m barely trying.
And meanwhile, I knew how hard I was trying. Oh yeah. It was really tough.
Jamie: Yeah.
Desiree: But yeah, I, I think I, I,
Jamie: you were really uncomfortable,
Desiree: so uncomfortable. So uncomfortable. Yeah, the belly was just huge and like, oh yeah.
Jamie: But wait. The one where you’re dancing, you were 41,
Desiree: that was,
Jamie: I thought you were 41-year-old.
Desiree: That was my first pregnancy. I was 40 during that one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just turned 41, sorry. Yep. Yep. I had just turned 41 for that one.
Jamie: Okay.
Desiree: So he was born when I was 41. This is where it gets confusing. Yeah. So he, I turned 41, March 14th, I did that video. Mm-hmm. After the pandemic had, you know, kind of attacked us all.
And then I gave birth a coup a couple weeks after that. So, yeah, I was 41 during that pregnancy.
Jamie: You looked great, that’s for sure.
Desiree: Thank you. Couldn’t have done that during the second watch.
Jamie: And tell us about the break. What, how did that go? Were you ready to have another baby again?
Desiree: I think I, looking back on it, I wish I had done more.
To retrain my body, like I wish I had been a little more diligent with my retraining. Mm-hmm. I kind of was like not pushing myself as hard as I could have to regain some of that strength before jumping in because my first pregnancy had been so easy.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: I think I had that com I, you know, I, I had that false sense of comfort going in.
Mm-hmm. So I think I was like, oh, okay, pregnancy isn’t that bad and getting pregnant, like. The having sex part was not what I was looking forward to. I will, I will tell you that. So it was more of like a, we gotta do this ’cause I am now 41, almost 42. Like this has to happen now.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: So it was more of like a, we’re trying to beat the clock kind of a thing.
Mm-hmm.
Jamie: Was it painful?
Desiree: No, it was just scary ’cause ’cause I had had so much, like, after I gave birth, the first time the nurse examined me. The, the first time she examined me, she looked. Down and she was like, oh my God, you poor thing. That’s how bad it was.
Jamie: Wow.
Desiree: Like the nurse said that. Yeah. So it was just like, it took forever.
I couldn’t sit down without a donut. Like I had the, the ice pads like in, ugh. It was terrible. So it was just like that apprehension and I was just scared. Mm-hmm. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t painful, but I was just scared. You know, when you have like an ankle injury. Yeah. And then you’re kind of scared to run.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Forever after that. Mm-hmm.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Not that I run, that was a terrible example, but
Jamie: I knew what you meant. I got it. How long was it before you kind of felt back to normal after your first one?
Desiree: Whew. Okay. So I don’t think after the first pregnancy, I’d say I started to feel normal at like eight months.
Jamie: Wow. That long
Desiree: started to feel normal. Absolutely.
Jamie: Wow.
Desiree: Yep. And then this time around. Maybe a little earlier.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: And again, I had to keep reminding myself like it easy. Um, so yeah, it, it, it took a long time. And then completely normal, I’d say a year. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The media does not portray postpartum, realistically, like there’s a lot of focus on snapback, which is a low to bs, you know, and being back to whatever, in six weeks.
No. Like, it took nine months, you know, it took 40 weeks or whatever to get. Pregnant and to create this baby, sometimes more, sometimes less. It’s not gonna happen overnight to where you are feeling like yourself again. Mm-hmm. Because it’s not just the physical, it’s the emotional and mental as well.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: You’ve got this whole new being you have to care for.
Jamie: Yeah.
Desiree: Um, so it’s just like trying to figure it out and figure out where you fit in and where the baby fits in and
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Desiree: Whatever’s happening in your life. So, yeah. It’s, it’s just a lot of being patient. With yourself and having grace.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: And giving yourself grace.
Jamie: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And let’s talk about your second birth. Take us back to that story.
Desiree: Yes. So that one I. First of all, I’m obsessed with Halloween, and I found out her due date was Halloween, which lost my mind when I found that out and I’m like, oh, she’s coming on Halloween. But then as we know, that second pregnancy was so hard, so by the second week of October, I was like, I don’t care if she comes on Halloween.
Come now. But the Wednesday before Halloween, I went for my checkup and the doctor was like, all right, you’re three centimeters, or not three centimeters, three millimeters dilated, or centimeters, what am I talking about? Three centimeters dilated. He’s like, I think we can do this. So he told me exactly what to do.
Leading up to it. He’s like, rest for today and tomorrow, and then Friday. Start doing activity, do everything you need to do to induce labor Saturday, keep doing it and we’ll see what happens. So I followed his instructions, like if you go back on my Instagram feed, you can see the videos. I started doing dancing, trying to get the baby out, which some people were being ridiculous about that.
But, um, Saturday I started having contractions and I was like. Do I have to go to the bathroom or is that a contraction? So Saturday started having contractions and then Sunday, the next day was Halloween, and I woke up and I was like, oh, good lord, this is happening. So I labored at home for a little while, uh, called my doula.
I had another, I had another doula who’s virtual texted her, told her what was happening. And after a while she’s like, I think you need to call your doctor. Call the doctor. He said, you know, if you feel like you want to come in, come in, and if not, you can wait it out and see what happens. And I think at like 1:00 PM got my stuff ready to go, got in the car.
First song that was on the radio was thriller
Jamie: fun.
Desiree: So I knew it was meant to be.
Jamie: Yes.
Desiree: Got to the hospital. I had to wait forever to get my epidural, which I am still angry about. They had to do the COVID test while I was in the middle of a contraction, so they’re shoving the Q-tip up my nose. I’m like, are you
Jamie: serious?
Desiree: It was so bad. Um, I think I had to wait like three hours for my epidural, but after I got that, it was smooth sailing. I think I got the epidural at 5:30 PM and then like I, you know, just chilling, hanging out. After that epidural, I was good to go and then all of a sudden. The nurse goes to check me and she’s like, oh God, I think the baby’s coming.
And the doctor’s like, oh, let’s go. And they start converting the bed and everything. And I’m like, okay, here we go. And the doctor told me to push and I pushed and I was like, wait, that wasn’t a good push. And I, you know, redid my breath and everything and pushed. And the next thing I knew there was a baby dangling in front of me.
Wow. And I was like, oh, that’s it. We’re done. Yeah. Felt great. After that, I was eating a Snickers bar and. Asking for an extra value meal for McDonald’s. I was ready to go after that, that that delivery was easy peasy. She flew out like a greased up Turkey.
Jamie: Wow. What a contrast.
Desiree: It was great. Oh yeah. Yeah. And it was funny ’cause not funny, but I had prepared for like a lot of recovery.
So I had like months worth of frozen meals in the freezer. ’cause I didn’t think I’d be able to walk Uhhuh. Nope. It was fine.
Jamie: So what do you think the difference was?
Desiree: Well, I had heard from many people. Including, you know, my doctors and then my sister-in-law is an ob, GYN. They all said that generally the second pregnancy, that second delivery is easier ’cause your body knows what to do.
Mm-hmm. Uh, so yeah, the, that first time I think my body was like, wait, what you want me to do what? And the second time it was like, I got this watch me.
Jamie: And recovery was a breeze.
Desiree: Yeah. A breeze. Yep. I still went to my pelvic floor. Physical therapist, I still went and saw her. Mm-hmm. But yeah, it was easy peasy.
I had a, a pretty, pretty wide diastasis for those who don’t know that separation of the abdominals. Mm-hmm. And that’s very common. It happens in most pregnancies, but again, it’s, uh, completely correctable. Mm-hmm. So that was pretty wide for me. Mm-hmm. But I managed, I’m, I’m still working on that a little closing that gap.
There was no pain. I was sitting fine. It was all great.
Jamie: Wow.
Desiree: Even the going to the bathroom afterwards, that first postpartum poop, they don’t tell you
Jamie: about. Oh,
Desiree: that’s fun. After the first one. Oh, oh, it was terrible. Second time I was like, ah, I’m good. Let’s do it. Let’s go.
Jamie: Oh, is that because of the epidural?
Is that why it’s, it’s. It
Desiree: just, it hurts.
Jamie: Oh.
Desiree: Because if there’s tearing,
Jamie: oh yeah, that sounds terrible.
Desiree: And then you’re like, yeah. Yep. And then, yeah. And then you haven’t eaten or drank in a long time. Like with my, the first one, since I had been induced, I didn’t eat or drink a lot. And so it’s like you got nothing in there to.
Flush everything out.
Jamie: Grease up the pipes.
Desiree: Second one was a breeze.
Jamie: That’s really good.
Desiree: Exactly. Oh yeah. It was great. I am grateful.
Jamie: And you said the second one, breastfed like a champ.
Desiree: Yep. Latched on right away. I still had, um, like your, the nipple pain is, whew, that’s a lot. But there are things that you can do to, to help with that.
But yeah, she latched on. She had, she was exclusively breastfed, whereas my first one was breast, uh, breast and formula. Which either one is fine. Mm-hmm. Both are fine.
Jamie: Nice. And I,
Desiree: I really wanna reiterate that.
Jamie: And how long did it take you to recover back to normal? For the second one,
Desiree: I started to be, like I said, I felt really good right afterwards, but I probably, I think it was maybe six months with this one where I was like, all right, things are back to normal.
I’m still working on getting my endurance back. Mm-hmm. To where it was. Before I was pregnant the first time. Mm-hmm. Whoa. That’s hard to build back. But yeah, I just, I’m, my strength wise is, is really good. ’cause I, I lift weights four days, three days a week. Mm-hmm. Strength train three or four days a week.
And I do my yoga. And I know a lot of people after they give birth, like they’re focusing on their bodies and how they look and getting that pre-baby body back, which. You have babies, so you gotta get that outta your mind, and it’s totally normal to mourn that, that pre-baby body and to want to look a certain way.
But I also encourage postpartum fitness to be something that you do to stay strong or get strong and be able to keep up with your kids. You know who are going, they, they grow and they get fast. So like right now I’m working out so that I can keep up with them running around the house.
Jamie: Um, and mentally you seemed really great also.
Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Yes. I did have, um, I hate this word. I think I, I, I did have be postpartum baby blues, which I don’t like that word because it makes it sound kind of like cutesy and it’s not that bad. It’s definitely not as bad as postpartum depression, but it still is just this like feeling of being alone and sad and just like you’re suddenly crying for no reason.
Um, just that hormone drop and, you know, you’ve got all this stuff happening in your body. So I did deal with that. But I’m, I’m definitely, I think mm-hmm. I’m definitely past that. Yeah. And now it’s just like normal life stuff where some days you’re like, you just wanna cry, but that’s life.
Jamie: Yeah. It’s,
Desiree: um, but yeah, it was, it was, yeah, it was definitely like the first three months
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Desiree: Where I’d just be like, oh my God, I’m so sad for no reason. It’s lots of reasons. Hormones.
Jamie: Yeah. Those hormones are coming back and what, how do we get back to ’em?
Desiree: Mm-hmm. And then even when you’re breastfeeding, that’s still like a hormonal. Situation in your body. Yeah.
Jamie: Well, is there anything else you want to add about your pregnancies or birth?
Desiree: I just, I really wanna encourage people to move during their pregnancies. There’s so many different ways to move. It’s not just like hard and tense workout, you know, just going for walks is beneficial, not comparing your journey with anyone else’s. Because no one, even with my two journeys, you know, they were completely different.
And I was comparing myself and making myself sad during that second pregnancy thinking of my first one. Mm-hmm. So don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s. Uh, and I, I do wanna say again, with the breastfeeding, like, it doesn’t matter, just get the baby fed. Mm-hmm. And I know it’s so hard to get past that sometimes, but as long as that baby’s getting fed and you’re happy and the baby’s happy, then it’s all good.
Mm-hmm.
Jamie: I love that,
Desiree: and it’s a tough journey, but totally worth it.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Are you ready for some Instagram questions?
Desiree: Oh, yeah. Let’s do it.
Jamie: Okay. This is kind of a lightning round, if you will.
Desiree: Oh, okay. Okay. Wait, let me get ready. All right.
Jamie: Okay. Okay. Mrs. P 39. She has two questions for you. She said, is everything going okay in your pregnancy or issues with you and your baby?
And I know you’re not pregnant now, but I think your babies were healthy in your pregnancy. You had no issues at all.
Desiree: Yes. And I will say one of the blood tests I got called back in during my first pregnancy ’cause they wanted to read. They needed more blood, and I must tell you, that freaked me out. I was terrified.
I was crying. Turns out the phlebotomist when she was taking my blood, she told me that they probably dropped it at the lab or something. I was thinking that something was wrong with my tap. So getting those tests done is very scary. Yeah. But that was the first practice that didn’t really know how to speak to me.
And I read, um, I think it’s Emily Oster expecting Better. That book is excellent because it’s all just facts. She’s an an economist, so she just took a bunch of data. And put it together in this book. So it’s not opinions, it’s just like facts about things and knowing the facts about the testing and like different points in your pregnancy was extremely helpful to me.
’cause it was just like, this is what it is. Um, so that was helpful. I. No issues. Just, you know, being older, you get to go every week after a while, which I enjoyed. ’cause I’m like, I’m glad to know nothing’s wrong. Yeah. You know, I know people don’t like going to the doctor that much. I liked it. Tell me what’s happening with my baby.
Jamie: Tell me everything’s okay. I love to hear all that.
Desiree: Exactly. And I, oh, the second pregnancy, she was breach, but then she turned around. Oh, and I did forget to say the first pregnancy, he was sunny side up. So he was sunny side up and forceps, which that’s what made it even harder for him to come out. Totally forgot that.
Look at me. Forgetting that makes
Jamie: so
Desiree: much more sense. So I guess, yeah. Oh yeah, it was rough.
Jamie: Mrs. P 39 also has a second question is, was it easy or hard getting pregnant in your forties?
Desiree: I was very, this is such a personal question ’cause everyone’s so different. Mm-hmm. I was very fortunate that it was easy for me.
That said, I have many, many clients. Who it was a struggle for and people who are still struggling. And I, I even have one friend who she tried so hard and didn’t get pregnant. She even adopted the adoption, fell through and she just like gave up. Wow. And then she ended up getting pregnant. Wow. After she had stopped trying.
So, yeah. So I mean, it’s like, it’s so hard and I feel for those people who struggle. ’cause I see the struggles. I, I have another friend who’s going through it right now, and it just like, it hurts my soul. And I want to like, I wish I could. Push whatever I had onto other people.
Jamie: Yeah.
Desiree: Um, so that they didn’t have to go through that.
So I was lucky to have a easy journey with that. But I know so many more people who are struggling and who had a difficult time and who, who ended up with beautiful babies.
Jamie: Yeah. Do you think being physically fit helped you become pregnant so quickly?
Desiree: I do.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: I do. I think that helps. I think the eating nutrient rich foods, I was meditating as much as I could.
Of course I have no, you know, scientific proof to back this up. Sure.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Uh, but I do think that helps. Mm-hmm. I think it helps a lot.
Jamie: Okay. Our last question is from Kay Paige Quinn. She, her question is, how has your body felt this pregnancy compared to any previous ones at your younger age?
Desiree: Well, both of mine were considered older.
But as we already discussed, that second one felt like hell compared to the first one when I was a year younger. Uh,
Jamie: but your birth was so much better.
Desiree: There’s that. I know. It was crazy. It was crazy. Easy. Pregnancy, hard as hell. Delivery hard, pregnancy, easy as all. Get out delivery
Jamie: if you have to choose.
Desiree: Go figure.
Jamie: Do you have an easy pregnancy and a hard birth or a hard pregnancy? Getting an easy birth?
Desiree: Uh, I might have to go with the hard pregnancy, easy birth. ’cause recovering from that first delivery was. It took forever and it was hard. Mm-hmm. And then even like for my husband having to watch that, like he had to watch the doctor, you know, force it, like pulling that baby from me, like mm-hmm.
I didn’t even have to see it. So I, I just think for everyone, the hard pregnancy and, and again, there are people who have way harder pregnancies than I do. Mine was just like, I felt like. I was huge and couldn’t move and just like, ugh.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: So, yeah. But that easy delivery, I recommend that for anyone.
Jamie: Yeah. I’ll take it.
Desiree: It was, it was great. And shout out to the epidural.
Jamie: Your favorite.
Desiree: My favorite.
Jamie: Do you have any plans to have more kids in your forties?
Desiree: I’m not saying no. I don’t know where I am right now. Mm-hmm. Like part of me wanted another one, but then part of me is like. I’m good. So I don’t know.
Okay. That’s a good question that I don’t have the answer to. Okay.
Jamie: That’s all right.
Desiree: Yeah.
Jamie: What was your biggest challenge? Yeah. Being pregnant in your forties?
Desiree: Wow, that is a really good question. I honestly don’t, I really don’t think there was one. I think the only challenge, the biggest challenge I had was that terrible healthcare provider during the first pregnancy, but being older is, is, you know, I’m, I’m more secure in myself.
Um, I was more ready to not give up, but, you know, sacrifice my body almost, um, to share my relationship to, to deal with the unsolicited advice you get from people. You know. I, I, I was more feisty, I guess, uh, and just like I knew what I want. Mm-hmm. So. I don’t, I don’t think there were any drawbacks of me waiting.
Jamie: Anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth?
Desiree: I, I always, yes, I, I do recommend the checking the ovarian reserve. Mm-hmm. Just to know what you’re working with.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Highly recommend movement. Some sort of movement that you enjoy that makes you happy, that makes you feel good.
Uh, fitness is not meant to be something that punishes you or makes you feel terrible about yourself.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Move in a way that makes your body feel good, decreases your stress, you know, helps you sleep better. Things like that. Eat nutrient rich foods as much as you can, but also don’t restrict like there’s no reason to do any fad diets and then meditate when you can.
Even if it’s just a couple minutes here and there. I, I would just take that time to, you know, imagine being pregnant, imagine having a healthy pregnancy. Just things like that. It sounds very woo woo, but I don’t know. Our brains are pretty powerful sometimes, and I think they can help. I don’t think that, you know, you can obviously produce a baby, but just manifesting.
But I do think that our brains help a lot. So,
Jamie: yeah, I’ve actually been. Like thinking about motherhood and like journeying about motherhood and what I want the perfect, most fabulous pregnancy to be like. I think, I think you’re right. I think it really helps.
Desiree: Yeah. I I really do too. And, and I’m glad you said that because another thing is to consume as much positive literature about if you are someone that’s over 35.
Consume positive literature and stories of people who got pregnant after 35, because there are so many, but they like to make it seem like it’s, you know. Mm-hmm. Oh, it can’t happen at all. Actually. I know a lot of people who I, I have a friend who got pregnant by accident. Mm-hmm. At age 40. Mm-hmm. Just recently.
So there are plenty of people getting pregnant after 35 and seek out those positive stories.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s a good one. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant? If you could go back,
Desiree: be kinder, be kinder to yourself, like, I think, I thought I was being kind to myself. And I should have been more compassionate and given myself more grace.
’cause there was still that part of me that was comparing
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Desiree: To other people. And we gotta stop that ’cause that’s not helping anyone. ’cause you can’t, you cannot compare yourself to anyone else.
Jamie: Yeah.
Desiree: Ever.
Jamie: You know what I do a lot is I say, I should do this, I need to do this and that. I just makes me have a manual for myself.
And it’s like, no, sometimes you just need to throw that manual away.
Desiree: Yeah, exactly. Like why should you do that?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Like I, that’s a good thing I’ve gotten into is why.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Desiree: Like if there’s something I think I should do, then I stop and I’m like, but why? Do I think I should do that because that’s what society wants me to do?
Or is it because it’s something that I actually want to do? Oh, I don’t actually wanna do it. Okay, cool. I’m not gonna do it. Yeah.
Jamie: Well, I had a plan and my manual says, Jamie needs to get married by this age and have a house by this age. And that manual gets thicker and thicker as you get older. And then you just stretch your yourself out by this manual that you’ve created for yourself.
Desiree: Yes. Yeah.
Jamie: Totally.
Desiree: Exactly. I never got that normal job that I thought I was supposed to have when I was, when I hit 25. That still hasn’t happened.
Jamie: Where can our listeners find you on the internet?
Desiree: I am at Fit Desiree on Instagram, so that’s the best place to find me in the most UpToDate place. And there’s also a link in my bio for if you want to take my classes, I offer some virtual classes for personal training.
I. We’ll probably be opening up and accepting clients probably around the time that this podcast drops. So if people want to train with me, I’ll probably have a few spots, uh, for prenatal or postpartum fitness training. And I’m always open to questions like, if you wanna DM me questions or. If you have any, um, anything that you’re scared about or if it’s within my scope of practice, I am more than happy to answer it.
And if it’s not, I always refer out.
Jamie: Perfect. Desiree, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Desiree: Thank you for having me.