43. When Alissa walked out of a hotel room the night before her 40th birthday, she wasn’t just leaving a failing relationship—she was walking toward the life she had always wanted. This is the hilarious, heart-wrenching, and fiercely empowering story of how one woman stopped waiting for the “right man” and chose to become a mother on her own terms.
On episode 43, Alissa is an entrepreneur, to her unconventional path to motherhood at 41, a “Single Mother by Choice” (SMC). Alissa shares the gritty details of her journey, from the “lunatic” list of potential baby daddies and the “Tinder-like” experience of browsing sperm donor profiles, to the profound emotional shift of realizing she didn’t need a partner to build a family. She speaks candidly about navigating the heartbreak of past miscarriages and the anxiety of “dusty, scrambled eggs,” only to be met with a shockingly successful first-round IUI and a pregnancy she describes as “easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
The conversation dives deep into the realities of late-pregnancy logistics, including the intense “shaking” of a C-section recovery and the nuances of breastfeeding after a breast reduction. Alissa’s wit shines through as she discusses the humor of “buying a baby online” to shut down nosy commenters and the unexpected joy of seeing her blonde-haired “little lover boy” for the first time. Whether you are considering the SMC path or navigating fertility in your 40s, Alissa’s story is a masterclass in trusting your intuition, letting go of control, and the radical act of choosing yourself.
About the Guest
Alissa Lipinski is a Florida-based entrepreneur, former professional photographer, and the owner of Oceans of Thread, a successful retail quilt shop. After 18 years as a hairdresser, Alissa pivoted her career to build a business that would allow her the flexibility to raise a child as a single parent. A quarter-Greek “knower” and self-described “nerd,” Alissa became a mother at 41 via IUI and a sperm donor. She is a passionate advocate for women following their own path to motherhood, regardless of age or relationship status, and brings a refreshing, unfiltered perspective to the highs and lows of the “Single Mother by Choice” experience.
Connect with Alissa:
- Instagram: @alissalapinsky
- Her Quilt Shop: Oceans of Thread
Key Topics
- Trust Your Instincts Over the “Clock”: Alissa emphasizes that age doesn’t automatically mean a high-risk or “terrible” pregnancy; focus on your own health and levels rather than the “dusty eggs” narrative.
- The “Silverettes” Secret: For breastfeeding mothers, Alissa highly recommends Silverettes (silver nursing cups) to prevent soreness and promote healing through their natural antimicrobial properties.
- Embrace the Solo Advantage: Don’t fear the lack of a partner; Alissa points out that being a single mom can actually reduce stress by removing relationship friction and allowing you to parent exactly how you choose.
- Invest in the Memories: Even if you feel like a “giant house,” Alissa encourages every woman to do professional maternity photos as a form of self-care and a way to celebrate the incredible feat of growing a human.
- Prepare to Pivot: Have a birth plan, but keep it flexible. Whether it’s an induction that doesn’t progress or a last-minute C-section due to meconium, the ultimate goal is a healthy baby, not a “perfect” process.
Resources & Links
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
Referenced Stories: Am I Pregnant: The Two Week Wait by Jamie Massey
Instagram: Follow Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant
YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Recommended Products: Pink Stork Prenatal Vitamins & Hypnobirthing book & Silvertte Nursing Shields
Shop More: See ALL products recommended by our guests!
Support the Podcast: Donate to the Podcast
Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
Transcript
Jamie: Alyssa, thank you so much for coming on the show.
Alissa: Of course. I’m excited.
Jamie: We are sharing Alyssa’s story at 41 and she is a single mother by choice. But before, before we get started, Alyssa, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Alissa: Yes. So I am 41, about to be 42. I was a hairdresser for 18 years and then I started a fabric store. Doing hair is a lot on your body and I really wanted a child. I had a feeling it was probably gonna be on my own at that point. You really can’t have a baby sitting in the back of a hair salon.
I was trying to figure out what I could do so that I could be a single mother. I hadn’t found a man I wanted to keep around. I loved sewing. I had pretty much settled on a retail store because that way I could still make money whether I was there or not. So I started a fabric store and it’s gone really well. I bring my son to work every day, so it’s worked out.
Jamie: That’s awesome. Will you, let’s start off going back to when you were making lists.
Alissa: I started a hair salon when I was 26, and so I really dated around. I had fun, but I didn’t have a serious boyfriend until I was probably in my early thirties. And early thirties, I had a boyfriend that I was pretty sure would be a forever thing, and he moved away outta state for a job. I was not moving to where he was moving, so we broke up. So at 34 I was like, what am I waiting for? I’m own a house. I own a car, I own a business.
Like I can do this on my own. This is stupid. I’m gonna decide who I want to have a baby with and I decided to start a list. When you’re younger there’s always that guy like, oh, if we’re whatever age and we don’t have a kid yet, or aren’t married yet, we’ll get married and have kids. There’s a few of those guy friends in my life. So I started a list of which guys could be my baby daddy, which makes me sound absolutely like a lunatic. I know that. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. So there’s a few at the top of my list that I knew would be good sperm donors that didn’t necessarily wanna be an everyday dad and I was fine with that.
If they were visiting dad or like the kid could know in the future that was their dad and have a relationship if they wanted to, I was open to doing it any which way they were open to doing it.
And I had a list out of the blue ex from college had contacted me and, I was joking with him. Oh good, I’ll put you on the list. And he said, what’s the list? And I told him, he’s okay, I want a kid, but with a wife. Okay, sounds good to me. We can upgrade you to the top of the list. So we started dating, hindsight shouldn’t have, but we did, we started dating.
So I dated him for a while. We actually got pregnant fairly quickly, like eight months into our relationship, and I ended up having a miscarriage at 13 weeks and then two months after that. Two months after that I got pregnant again. And miscarried at six weeks. After that, I was pretty much, I had just convinced myself I couldn’t have a kid. ’cause it didn’t work twice in a row. He had already had a kid. So in my head, obviously it was my fault. And I was never gonna have a child. I have nephews, they’re older, they’re 11 and 13 now I was like I’ll just be the fun aunt. I’ll be their lala forever, it’ll be fine. But in the back of my head, obviously all I really wanted to do was be a mom.
I dated around some more. And I was really always trying to fit, we’ll say a square peg into a round hole. Like I was trying to find a man to make a family with, not find a man that was right for me and right for me in the future and whatever. I was dating with the wrong intent. And so obviously it never worked out. And the night before my 40th birthday, I was, had been dating someone for a little over a year. It was during COVID and, we had a fight that night. We were on vacation for my birthday, and it was literally the night before my birthday. I got mad, not even mad, I just very resolute in this idea like, I do not need you to make a family. I do not need a man to make a family. Why am I trying to make this relationship work when all I really want is a kid? I don’t need you. I don’t need your issues. I don’t need any of that. I can have my own kid. I’m a fully realized adult. I can support myself. What am I doing? So I just left him at that hotel and that was it. Like I was gonna have a kid. And that was that.
So that was when I like made my, I had been toying with the idea for, four years, three years at that point. And that was the night that I was like, done. I do not need you. I will have my own child. So I’m sure there are quite a few women out there. Like when do I make that decision? When is the, when is that last card played? Whatever you wanna say. But that was for me, that was it. I don’t need to continue to date men that are not worthy of me and really not even worthy of what the family that I want to have any is anyways. So what am I doing? Yeah. This is silly. I’m doing it on my own.
Jamie: Yeah. How powerful was it? Is leaving the hotel?
Alissa: I was like the best ever. I was crying because I was upset it happened, but it was really just holy crap, I did it.
Jamie: So freeing. Yeah.
Alissa: I not only I did it like I can’t believe I did it. Oh I’m a bad. You know what? Like I can do this. I do not need your stupid ass. I do not. You’re whiny. I don’t need that. I just, it was just great. Like the best. The best feeling ever. Yeah. To choose yourself. ’cause it’s about, that’s really what it’s about, right? Like choosing what I wanted over making someone else comfortable, making someone else happy, whatever.
No, this is what I want and I will do it. I will do it.
Jamie: I love it. So how did you get to deciding on a sperm donor from there?
Alissa: So from there I went back. I actually, I was, I had already gone to a fertility clinic to get tested after my miscarriages. ’cause I wanted to know was there a reason.
My ex actually lived outta town, so I was very like adamant that he moved back into town and we start trying for a family and whatever. And he just wanted time, hindsight ’cause he was cheating on me, but whatever. So I’d gone to one fertility clinic in town. I didn’t love them, so I changed fertility clinics.
After I turned 40, I went to a new clinic, started the testing process again and really made sure can I get pregnant? Do they think it’s okay? Where are my levels? All of that. And that gave me then the okay to now I can look for a sperm donor.
Jamie: So was everything okay?
Alissa: Everything was fine. I don’t have any like diagnosable infertility. My infertility is all the men I’ve dated a raggedy and I haven’t, had a baby that’s. That’s it.
Jamie: That’s the diagnosis.
Alissa: Yeah. The diagnosis is my men, I’ve dated suck. Which I’m sure lots of women are in the same boat, so anyways, and I don’t think all men suck. I’m not that kind of man hater necessarily, but the ones I’ve, my picker was broken, I picked bad ones. So anyways, so when I started looking at sperm donors, I just, I went to the sperm bank that my doctor recommended. It’s fairly close to the office, so I don’t have huge shipping fees and whatever. ‘Cause it’s shockingly more expensive than you would think.
I don’t even I started, I’m a little short. I’m on the shorter side. I’m, almost five four, and everybody in my family is tall. My sister’s five, 10. My 13-year-old nephew is six foot three. My mom’s five eight. My, yeah, my mom’s five, eight. My dad’s six foot, like my whole family’s tall. I take after my dad’s side, myself and my three aunts are all almost five four. It was like, okay, if I’m gonna do this on my own, let’s inject a little height into the mix. I got some latent height in me, but let’s add a little extra.
I was looking for anybody over five, nine. I’m light eyed. Light haired. My whole family’s light eyed. Light haired. Doing it on my own, like what a, I think of what are the questions gonna be asked? What am I gonna have to answer to my child? Not answer to my child, but what am I gonna explain to him?
How am I gonna do all this? And I just felt that having him look like me was one less hurdle to jump. Really? And I like my light eyes. So I chose a light eye donor. So I looked for five, nine with blue or green eyes and blue. This first one popped up. And I looked at him and he was half Greek, and I’m actually a quarter Greek. My mom is half Greek. So I loved that It was another light eye, fair skinned or fair haired half Greek person. And when I read his, his whole profile, listened to his voice, saw his handwriting, read his psych eval, the whole shebang.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: It just seemed like someone that I could date. And not that I have this weird delusion that it is, but if you’re mixing DNA I don’t want it to be someone that I’m like, Ooh, he sounds icky. Yeah. But looks right.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: Nature versus nurture is a thing. Sometimes it’s just in you. You can’t train stuff out. There is stuff that’s just part of your DNA. So the fact that he, I guess read, the way that I wanted him to read. It was good. He was musical. He played a couple instruments, he spoke a couple languages. He liked to travel. I remember one of the questions was his heroes and they were all like nerdy science people, not like an athlete, it was like, Ola, Tesla, Marie Curie, like all sorts of science people like for their contribution to society. And I was like a nerd like me, but still my heart. I like this. Okay. Give me this. Things like that. Did
Jamie: you, did you feel like you were on Tinder going through the profiles?
Alissa: Oh, for sure.
Jamie: Yes.
Alissa: Yeah. Shop, you’re shopping for a baby daddy.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: It’s weird.
Jamie: We felt the same way when we were looking for egg donors.
Alissa: Yeah. You’re literally like, swipe right, swipe, swipe left right. Yeah. And I’d be like, eh, not that one gross. Okay. Not that one. Yeah. And really the donor I chose is the very first donor I looked at and I came so close to just purchasing it right away.
Jamie: Wow. You’re like, no, I can’t.
Alissa: Yeah. Because I felt like I needed to just purchase it so I wouldn’t back out of doing it in general. Because the fear of what if it doesn’t work?
Jamie: Yes.
Alissa: I’ve already had two miscarriages. What if what’s gonna happen again? The whole thing. It’s terrifying. It is terrifying. And so should I just buy it instant? He looks good, let’s just buy it.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: Another part of why I almost just purchased it instantly was when you have so many different options. Sometimes it’s okay, now I have like option freezing, whatever is okay now which one do I purchase? Okay, there’s six good ones, which is the right one. Am I gonna nitpick every little thing until I get to the very, very right one? But. Then if something happens, am I gonna think the other one was the right one?
The whole thing is just stressful. Yeah. So I almost just purchased him. Just done. Yeah. I don’t need to look anybody else? I like that one. That one’s good enough. Done. Let’s do it.
Jamie: Yeah. Don’t think about it, just do it.
Alissa: Yes. Like the less choices, the better, but I was like, okay, let’s not get a little too crazy. Let’s just look at the rest of them. And so I was looking and looking and just, none of the other ones will say sparked a joy, like it just wasn’t right. I feel like that was just the right one.
Jamie: Did you care about like blood types or anything like that?
Alissa: Okay, so I did, I don’t care. I don’t know how any of that works. So the way my office works is I had to pick donors, send the links to the donors, to my nurse. The nurse would go through it, make sure all of that was correct. Are they CMV positive? What is your blood type? Blah, blah, whatever.
Jamie: Okay.
Alissa: And then they would tell me if it was like, yes. Approved, stamp of approval, approved. Yeah. You’re nay that works or not. Then I had to have a social worker appointment where I did a zoom meeting with a social worker and we talked about like the implications of using a sperm donor and do you understand what that means?
Do you fully get it, like you’re never gonna have a relationship with that person. Your kid’s not gonna know them. Is that okay with you? How are you gonna explain it? When are you gonna, are you gonna tell them, did not like your answers are right or wrong per se, but have you thought about this and have you thought of what answers you’re gonna give to people?
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: So I had a social worker meeting. They okay that then I had to go to a genetic testing meeting thing. ‘Cause he had a genetic test and I had a genetic test with, however many crazy things they tested for. Then I had a genetic testing meeting and they went through both of our things and do you match? Do you not? Okay, you’re a carrier for this, he’s a carrier for that. It’s gonna mix, match, not whatever. But all my things came back negative, so I figured it was gonna be fine, another hurdle you have to go through.
So I had that meeting and then they, I was like waiting to hear okay, now what do I do? What’s the next meeting? And my nurse was like no, you just buy it now and as soon as you buy it, let us know and we’ll start the process. I’m like okay, whatever. So I next week just went and bought three units of sperm.
Okay, that’s a weird Thursday night activity, but whatever. Also, who knew it was so expensive, but whatever. So could have done a lot for that. But that was a big vacation I could have taken. So I paid for three units and I paid for or three whatever as you wanna call it. And I paid for six months of storage because honestly I did not think so. I did the IUI route, right? Since I did not have any explained fertility, my doctor felt that start with IUI, it’s cheaper, it’s less invasive. Don’t waste your money if you don’t have to. I originally was like, I don’t wanna even try. IUII have quite a few girlfriends who have tried it and it didn’t work for them and they had to have IVFI almost was like, screw it, I just wanna straight do IVF ’cause it’s more controlled.
I know there’s an embryo there, I know something’s there. I know at least the process has started. But my doctor said, no, you really don’t wanna do that. So I was pretty much sure I wasn’t gonna get pregnant with this threes three rounds. To the point that I had already looked at which kids were available for adoption.
Jamie: Wow.
Alissa: I was sure it was not gonna work. Sure of it. And while I’m generally a very happy and optimistic person because of my two miscarriages, because again, I had never even had another oopsies in the couple years since then. Like I was just Sure. And I had actually tried with a friend a couple times like it didn’t work.
So like i’m, I just can’t I’m old, my eggs are scrambled. Here we go.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: Dusty, old powdered eggs in there, nothing’s gonna happen, whatever. I know they say it’s all fine, but obviously it’s not, I haven’t gotten pregnant yet.
Jamie: I have a question about Yes. The monitoring of your eggs, like
when they did the timing, were you doing like clod or anything to get more, or were they just monitoring you?
Alissa: It was Letrozole, I think. Okay. So they told me by the sperm, I bought the sperm. They’re like, okay, call me in the beginning of your next period. I went in for testing. I actually have fibroids, and I had not had cyst on my ovaries before in any of my other checks. And at that first check, I had fibroids. I’ve had fibroids, but an cyst on each ovary.
And I had a full whole ass breakdown on my drive home from that meeting. It’s not gonna work. Oh my God. Like full on ugly crying in my car, the whole 20 minute drive home. Sure it’s not gonna work. But they’re like we’ll see what the blood work says. So three hours later they call me and they’re like, all right, doctor says, blood work looks great.
He wants to proceed. You’re gonna get your pick up, your pill tomorrow, start taking it, yada, whatever. And I was like, what? I was having a breakdown. Like I knew it wasn’t gonna work. What do you mean we’re starting? Okay, whatever. This is gonna be a waste of money, but whatever. And so I took my med, my one pill that day and Letrozole, I guess makes your eggs egger, makes you make eggs.
I don’t even really remember to be honest ’cause I honestly was just so sure it wasn’t gonna work. I like paid attention to it, but I felt like the less, not involved, but the less I guess involved I was, the less it would hurt if it didn’t work. If I wasn’t, so I’m usually a researcher, if I’m gonna buy something, if I’m gonna go on vacation, I like research to the hilt. I figure it all out. I know every nook, cranny and everything about everything. But I was so sure it wasn’t gonna work that I was like, I don’t even wanna do all the research ’cause it’s just gonna make me want it more and make me so much more upset when it doesn’t work.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Alissa: So I was shockingly enough, very hands off like.
What are you gonna have me take? Whatever. Okay, fine. When do I have to come in? Okay. Whatever. Fine. Like I just was so sure it wouldn’t work, so Yeah, sure. We’ll go through the motions. Prove to everyone else. ’cause everyone, like my friends, my family like, oh, it’ll work. I’m like okay.
Hello dried, dusty, scrambled eggs. It’s not, but whatever. So go in and do my thing. I took one letrozole pill on day three of my period. And then I had to go back on day. I think it was supposed to be day 11. I ended up being out of town. So I went back on day 13. And they start monitoring your eggs and or your ovaries to see, how your follicles are doing.
And they’re like, okay, they’re growing, but they’re not big enough yet. Come back tomorrow. Went back the morning. Okay. They’re a little bigger, but they’re not big enough yet. Okay. Go back the next day. Okay. They’re bigger, but they’re not big enough yet. And then that Saturday morning I go in again ’cause they’re like getting close but not quite.
I don’t remember how many follicles I had. I think I had one in each, but I can’t remember to be honest. And so that next morning he’s okay, this one’s a good size, but it’s starting to deform. And instantly in my head I was like, see, broken eggs not gonna work. Why am I here? This is so stupid.
And he is that just means, and I hadn’t even said anything out loud. He is this is starting to deform instant crazy town in my brain. And he’s that just means you’re about to ovulate. And I was like, oh, what? Wait, this is working. What? He’s so stay close to your phone because sometime in the next hour your blood work will come back and we’ll tell you whether to take your trigger shot or not. Because tomorrow will be your IUI.
And I just remember thinking, holy shit, it’s tomorrow. Like what? I don’t have any, I can’t mentally prepare for this. I can’t overthink anytime I have less than 24 hours to overthink this. What are you talking about now? This is really happening now. I have to go to Crazy Town.
I need to spiral into crazy town like. I, what are you talking about? Okay. Okay. I guess whatever. And so an hour later, within the next hour, they called me and the nurse is okay it’s time to get your, because I had got my trigger shot and kept it in the fridge, the week before, whatever it was, they had me prepare.
Okay, so you need to give yourself your trigger shot by 1230 today. Your IUI is gonna be at nine 15 tomorrow morning, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I’ve emailed you the instructions for the shot. And I was like, oh, don’t worry. My sister’s a nurse. She’s giving it to me. She’s okay, sounds great. We’ll see you in the morning.
And I hang up like, what is happening in the morning? What, na it’s less than 24 hours. Like maybe I should have done more research and paid more attention. Like what is happening.
Jamie: It felt real at that point.
Alissa: Oh, it was beyond real at that point. Oh my God, this is really happening. Okay. So my sister was actually at her pool drinking with one of her besties by the pool. She was hanging out in her bathing suit, giving me a shot, and I’m like, Hey, this is so silly. This is happening, whatever. I don’t know even know what’s happening. So she gave me my shot. She goes, we joke that my sister’s the baby daddy because she was in the room when it happened.
So my sister and I went the next morning and got my IUI. Doctor’s, like, all right you can get dressed and be on your way. I’m like, that’s it. That’s it. I don’t have to lay here with my legs up. He is no it’s where it needs to be. You’re fine. I’m like, okay.
My sister’s that was like a bad date. And he is what? She’s 30 seconds and you leave her knocked up. And my doctor is very like straight laced and like very calm, cool. And collected and like just very even keeled. And he actually laughed out loud and I was like, oh, you’re not a robot. Okay, good. My sister elicited a laugh. I like that. He was just he wasn’t robotic really, but he was just always so even keeled about everything and just very nonplussed by any of my silly questions or whatever, whatever comments that I’ve made. So yeah. So I had my IUI and I had actually booked a trip for that next weekend, for Memorial Day.
I went to Memphis, Tennessee with my sister and my nephews, walked around, had a great time. And that whole weekend, all I could smell was weed. I know that sounds crazy, but I had super smell kicking in. It was only seven days, six days later. And I remember having super smell and thinking, am I pregnant?
I’d be like, oh my God. It like wreaks like weed here. And my sister would be like, what are you talking about? I’m like, you don’t smell pot. And she’s no. I’m like, it’s like disgusting. Like I don’t like the smell of it. Anyways, I’ll preface it with that. But I was like, it, like it’s overwhelmingly gross.
And she’s no, it doesn’t, like you’re losing your mind. She’s I don’t know, maybe my nose isn’t working. I don’t know. She has allergies. Who knows? And that was the first inkling of, oh my God, this might have worked. What have I gotten myself into? This might have worked. And that whole weekend, super smell for sure. That next week continued super smell. And I was dizzy every single day that week. Like little blips of dizziness during the day. And I remember, that’s another pregnancy symptom. It was not a symptom I had when I was pregnant the first two times. But the first two times I really didn’t have any symptoms at all. Like at all. At all. Nothing.
Jamie: You had no clue.
Alissa: The right, the first time, I definitely had no clue. The first time I was pregnant at eight weeks, my boobs got really sore and grew a cup size overnight, but not no barness, no, not in the early weeks. Symptoms like nothing until eight weeks.
And that was only boobs, sore, nothing else. So I was like, oh my God, am I really am I imagining this? ’cause now, of course, now it’s happened now my brain’s taking me to anxiety spiral into Crazy Town now. I really want it now, but what if it doesn’t happen? Now I’m gonna be extra upset, whatever. I finally let myself like feel the feelings.
So my blood work for my HTG wasn’t until the next Monday. So it was two weeks after my IUI, but that Thursday I could not help myself and I tested myself and it was a positive test and it was crazy. I was like, oh my God, this might have worked. And I quick had to go online to do research. ‘Cause I hadn’t really done the research yet, I had a trigger shot that’s basically HCG, and I know it can affect your pregnancy test. So it was like, okay, should I have been testing this whole time because am I testing out my trigger shot? It was faint. So is this my trigger shot still? Am I pregnant? I don’t know. Whatever. So I took 75,000 other pregnancy tests in the next four days. And yeah, it was, they were all positive.
Jamie: And what were you thinking?
Alissa: Holy shit, it, this worked. I was prepared for it to work. I was not prepared for it to work. I was prepared for it to not work. I was, not prepared for it to work. I was not mentally prepared for that. I don’t know why I was trying to have a kid, duh. You should be prepared for it to work, but I just wasn’t. Because I was so sure it wasn’t my sister was like, I told you it was gonna be you. There’s whatever percentage that gets pregnant.
I told you it was gonna be you. And I was like sure. It was whatever. You’re lunatic, but whatever. And she’s I told you. I’m like, okay, you might’ve been right. So I went in that next Monday I had my HCG, my blood work done. And they called me like three hours later good news, you’re pregnant. I had an absolute breakdown and yeah. I was pregnant. So my very first, IUI took three weeks before I turned 41.
Jamie: That’s incredible.
Alissa: I was just sure it wasn’t what gonna work and it wasn’t my path. I’d adopt a kid or two or four or whatever, and it would be great. And I’d be happy being a mom that way as well. So when it worked, it was definitely like mind boggling to say the least.
Jamie: And so how long did you stay with your fertility doctor?
Alissa: I was with them till week 10. I went in and got my blood work done. I think it was like every two or three days for the first week or so. And then I had an ultrasound. They found a little yolk sack. My sister came with me to not my blood work test appointments. ’cause that was, early in the morning and they just took blood. But she came to my ultrasound appointments and any other doctor type appointment until I went most of the time, really most of my whole pregnancy, she came with me.
So that very first ultrasound, like they found a little yolk sack and I was crying so hard, my eyes were shut. She’s open your eyes. I’m like, I can’t. I can’t. And I had I think three or four ultrasounds. Between week like five and 10. And then at week 10 I graduated and I went to a real doctor.
It was terrible because I didn’t get to see him all the time. Like I didn’t get another ultrasound until I was 14 weeks pregnant. And I was like, I can’t wait four more weeks. What are you talking about? I can’t see him next week.
Jamie: Did you find out the sex with your fertility doctor or did you wait?
Alissa: I didn’t find it with my fertility doctor. I found it with my regular doctor because I did and I had PT testing, so
Jamie: Okay.
Alissa: My fertility doctor didn’t order it that he wanted my regular doctor order it, because then they would come back when I was at that office. I think I was right at 10 weeks or maybe 11 weeks when I had my first intake appointment at my regular OB GYN. And we, they ordered me, my NIPT tests. It took I think, seven business days to come back. And heck yeah. I found out instantly I need to know I’m a knower, so the fact that I didn’t do any research for this whole thing is crazy.
I did NMPT testing because I wanted to know any issue right away so I could be prepared for it or make a choice. I didn’t really wanna have to make, but, I just wanted to be prepared for anything. Once it was happening, I needed to know every single anything. The moment I could. I instantly found out he was a boy.
Jamie: So how did you feel whenever you saw he was a boy?
Alissa: Oh, I was super happy. Like I see my sister and she has two boys and they’re obsessed with their mommy forever. And being a single mom, it was just nice to know oh good, I’ll probably have a little like a little baby lover boy that just loves me forever and ever. And weirdly enough, when I ever thought about being a single mom, I always thought about traveling with a little boy.
Jamie: So you manifested him?
Alissa: Yeah, I like literally could see I’m gonna cry. I could always see me traveling with my son and like just having a great time together.
Jamie: So you’re going to.
Alissa: We’re going to Italy in two weeks.
Jamie: No, that’s amazing.
Alissa: My parents are awesome in taking the family on a vacation, but it’s a dream come true, literally.
Jamie: That’s beautiful.
Alissa: Yeah. So it’s great. But yeah, so when I found out it was a boy, it was like, holy crap. Did I like you said, did I manifest him? Did I make this happen? Did I really know on the inside that it would happen one day? I just told myself it wouldn’t, ’cause it’s easier to deal with, the rejection and the heartbreak of miscarriage and all of that, telling myself I wouldn’t have a kid.
Jamie: Going back to some boring parts.
Alissa: Yeah.
Jamie: Your doctor that you chose, your OB GYN? Yes. Yes. What, did you go to your regular one or did you pick a whole new one?
Alissa: I went to a whole new office. So my sister is a nurse practitioner while we’re going on vacation, a family vacation. ‘Cause she graduated from NP school last year and she actually did her OB GYN rounds at this office. She loved the nurse practitioner that she worked with. She really trusted her.
So I made an appointment in the office and just instantly loved it. Like that will be my ob that will be my GYN office now. I love that office. Love everybody in it, love all the doctors that I saw. And there’s six doctors in the office. It’s not a small office, it’s, like small to mid-size. But every single doctor that I saw that worked there, love them, absolutely love them. So I felt very comfortable.
Jamie: Now, did, was there anything important to you when you were talking to them? Or was it just like the conversation you connected?
Alissa: I didn’t feel like a number. That’s honestly how I felt at my very first fertility clinic. I felt like a number. I did not feel like I really connected with anyone there. I felt like they didn’t give a shit. I felt like when they were running late in the office, they didn’t care to call me.
And so the fact that this office was always like, Hey, we’re running late. Don’t come as early, or, Hey, can we move you to a different day because the doctor might run late, that, whatever it was. I just felt like they cared a little more. I instantly connected. The first nurse practitioner I saw was not the one my sister worked with, was a different one there, but I just. Instantly loved her. I was very comfortable with her. She was like, girl, I have this great feeling you’re just gonna like cruise through this. I was like I know, I’m a dusty old mom, so I’m gonna have issues.
She’s like laughing. She’s don’t even, she’s just ’cause your age does not mean you’re high risk. And I was like, really? She’s no. She’s it’s gonna depend on, all of your levels, your blood work, your, this, that and the other. And currently your blood work looks kick butt. You look super healthy.
I was a size 14, 16, so I was worried about that. I was worried about my age. I was worried about, a multitude of things. And she’s you look fine. Don’t worry about it. Don’t stress yourself out about stuff that you can’t fix or help or whatever right now anyways. So don’t, basically let don’t make all this bad, like just let it be. Do you feel good? I’m like, I feel great. I haven’t been phy yet, haven’t felt nauseous. Like I have food aversions in the beginning. So I just felt very meh about food, but you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. You’ll be good. And I was that was great. But I just, I really liked her right off the bat and so I felt very comfortable in the office.
Even the girls that work that you pay were nice. Who’s nice in the office, the who’s like the girl you check out with is not often that nice. So it was great.
Jamie: Yeah. That sounds really nice.
Alissa: Yeah. So it was good. It was good.
Jamie: And how was the rest of your pregnancy?
Alissa: Easy peasy lemon squeezy. And I hate saying that because so many people have such terrible pregnancies and feel like hell and gain a million pounds and whatever, but I was never barfy. I was literally not one day nauseous. I had very sore boobs my entire pregnancy pretty much. But I will take sore giant boobs over barfing any day of the year.
Jamie: Definitely.
Alissa: I really I was very active I’m up and walking around at work at my shop all the time. I never had an issue with like aches and pains until week, like 34. It was very far into my pregnancy before it was even like, today sucked. I’m sore. It was not like that.
Yeah. Like my feet would hurt at the end of the day, but they hurt now and I’m not pregnant, so that’s normal. Really I just felt good. My skin was extra clear, my hair was lovely and luscious. Like I was in a good mood all the time and happy ’cause I was finally pregnant. Like I’ve always wanted it was just really good.
And my mom had really good pregnancies, so I was hoping my other period stuff is similar to my mom. Our skin is similar that kind of stuff is similar to my mom. So I was hoping like, oh my God, please let me have a good pregnancy like my mom had two good pregnancies. And I did.
So I was so thankful. I love to say it ’cause I love it for me and I love that other people know. ’cause again, the media, all the stories tell you it’s terrible, it’s horrible, it’s whatever. But it wasn’t, it was great. It was great. I gained six pounds my entire pregnancy. It was great.
Jamie: No way.
Alissa: I know I wouldn’t vomit when I say that, but I did.
Jamie: That’s impressive. What about your diet? Did you do anything special?
Alissa: I ate a little better than normal. Like I said in the beginning, I did have food aversion, so I was just kinda me about food.
I’d be like, Ooh, whatever it is, chicken parm sounds great. And so I’d make myself chicken parm, go get it at a restaurant, whatever, and three bites in I’d be like, Ooh, done with that. Don’t like it anymore. Don’t want it. It didn’t make me feel barky, it didn’t make me feel, other than a very strong don’t want any food in my mouth right now. Just yuck. I don’t like food.
Other than that I ate fruit every day. I ate veggies when I made myself meals and whatever. Like I was not overboard crazy about it all. I just ate better. I did drink a lot of water, but I love me some Diet Pepsi and I drank a Diet Pepsi every single day. ‘Cause it’s within my little caffeine range. So I drink a diet Pepsi every day. It’s my one vice I still did that. I was trying in the beginning to stop it and I was like, Nope, nope. I’m not gonna deny myself that joy every morning.
Jamie: What about products? Is there anything that helped you during pres pregnancy that you could recommend?
Alissa: I actually just used lotion every day. And as an ex hairdresser, I’m very bougie when it comes. And I was makeup artist in the beginning of my hair styling journey. I’m very bougie about my skincare and what face stuff I use. But weirdly enough, I picked up like a giant gallon jug of Jurgens lotion at Sam’s one day. And loved it. And so I used like cheapo depot, plain old Jergen’s lotion, like ultra healing, jergens whatever on my body every single day. All over my body, every day. And I have no stretch marks other than when my milk came in on my boobs. Sometimes I know stretch marks. Yeah, it’s a very genetic thing, but it helped. Maybe it helped.
I really I just lived the same life I lived before, which is mind boggling to me still. It’s still a very weird concept that the baby laying in my lap right now like I made, like I know I made him, he was in there. I know. And I birthed him. I’m well aware, but really it’s just crazy. It’s just the craziest, wildest thoughts that we create humans. It is crazy when you think about it. It’s crazy. There was a human inside of you. It’s just nuts.
Jamie: Yeah. It’s awesome.
Alissa: Yeah. It’s the most incredible thing on the planet. So I really didn’t use a whole bunch of different I didn’t feel barfy, so I didn’t need nausea at the stuff I did.
I took prenatals every day, I took those. Pink stork was the brand I used. The gel caps have like some sort of strawberry orangy flavor to ’em. So I took some other ones and they tasted like fish oil, which was gross. I just tried another brand and they worked. But pink stork prenatals that’s about it. That’s all I did different, honestly.
Jamie: That’s great. And how did you prepare for birth and the baby?
Alissa: To prepare because I was so sure in my head that I was going to vaginally birth this child and just squeeze him out. No problem. I’d every night I’d bounce on my yoga ball, do figure eights, get ’em nice and deep in my pelvis, everything ready to go. That didn’t work. ’cause the day before my induction he floated out, back out ’cause I had extra fluid by the end and he floated back out and stuck his head and hit my hip.
Jamie: Oh my
Alissa: goodness. All the work for nothing.
Jamie: Did as a first time mom, did you take any classes?
Alissa: I took an online class that I like fast forwarded through part of, because yes, I’m a first time mom, but my sister, who I’ve always lived less than two miles from, has two little ones. I stayed at her house every Sunday night, the first year of her first son’s birth.
I am well versed in babies. A lot of the stuff in the birthing class that I took or like the, it was like a first time mom birthing slash birthing class. It was just like, yeah, diapering. Got it. Okay. Got it. Okay. Got it. I paid close attention to the CPR part, ’cause that part’s very important. And then the birthing part, like I was there with my sister and she ended up having C-section, but. I’ve seen live birth on tv. I watched a couple on YouTube, listened to the birthing class and it was like, okay.
A lot of it is just listen to your body. I also did an online hypnobirthing class that I like a hypnobirthing book, I guess not class, but a book that I read and it was just all, listen to your body, don’t fight it. Let it happen. Don’t be so tense. So I got this, I’m gonna do this. Everything’s gonna be great. Yeah. I had a c-section.
Jamie: Tell us how it all started.
Alissa: I did not have a rock solid birthing plan. I’d have friends like, what’s your birthing plan? I have a baby. That’s my birthing plan. I don’t care how it happens. I think I could have him vaginally. I think I’m gonna be a great, push him out a couple pushes, big bad, you know what, I’m gonna do this. It’s gonna be great, but if I can’t give me a c-section, fine with me. I just want him to be healthy and alive and here, and you breathing,
I went in at 39 weeks for my induction. Being a little older, they recommend you have an induction at 39 weeks because your risk of stillbirth goes up. And having had miscarriages before, I was pretty paranoid most of my pregnancy, to be honest. The one thing I will say is I really came to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do that would make the end result any different, right? I cannot eat something and really make the end result any different. I can’t do anything and make the end result different. I have to trust my body, which was horribly, terribly difficult after having two miscarriages.
I just came to terms with, okay, I just have to trust myself. So I went in at nine o’clock on a Monday night to get indu induced and I was all ready to rumble. My sister was there, my mom was there, we’re all ready to go. I was gonna start with Cytotech, but there was a different doctor, one of the other doctors was on that night and she was like no. I start with Cervidil. I was like, ugh. Okay, fine. My sister had cervidil and didn’t do anything and ended up with a C-section.
But fine, we’ll play this game, whatever. Put cervidil in. So gimme cervidil. By the way, my cervix was so high they couldn’t even barely reach it. So like I’m nowhere near labor yet those rolling on the ball, bouncing on the ball may have been working ’em down, but nothing is happening. So they gimme ceril 12 hours later in the morning.
Nothing, nothing has changed. It might be slight, my cervix might be slightly softer, but nothing is different. So I was like, great. So they actually were feeling me and they were like I don’t, he feels like he’s not quite head down. I’m like, he’s been head down since week 30 like he’s definitely head down.
I just had an ultrasound on Friday. He’s head down. They’re like, I don’t know. So they do an ultrasound? Yeah, he’s head down. Okay, but you have extra fluid. I’m like, yeah, they told me at my last, on my Friday appointment, you have extra fluid, whatever. But he was head down. So they decided to start a first round of cyto attack.
Or it’s a four hour window. So they did cyto attack, and at the end of my first round of cyto attack, she’s he just really doesn’t feel like I had the first round of cyto attack was my nighttime doctor that was still there that morning, the second round of cyto attack, or when the first round, like at the end of that first four hours was the new doctor.
And she’s okay let’s, let’s see. She’s I don’t think he’s engaged. I don’t think he’s head down. And I was like, they already did an ultrasound like early this morning. He’s definitely head down and she does again, and she’s no, he is not his head’s in your hip. So I’m like, she’s no wonder we’re not getting any progression.
His head’s not even touching your cervix. Perfect. So she was like, get up and walk the halls. It was like an hour and a half of me like walking the halls, squatting, getting on the ball, doing figure eight, doing whatever, bouncing on the ball, jiggling him down in there, like doing whatever I could to get him in there.
And she’s okay, his head’s in the right spot now it’s outta your hip. So we’re gonna do cytotech round two. So cytotech round two comes along and you have to stay laying down for I think three hour or 30 minutes I think for it to really absorb in your cervix. And then she’s I want you up and moving again. I don’t want ’em to float back out. Okay, fine. So I’m walking the halls and this time it was like, oh, that’s a little spicier. Okay, something’s working.
That Saturday night, I actually had a black tie event that I went to for this women’s group I’m in. And I’m telling you that I was sure I was gonna have him that Saturday night. Like he said was grinding in my cervix all night long. Like crazy pain. It was nuts. So after round two of cyto attack, I was like, oh yes, that was the pain from Saturday night. He’s definitely head down. He’s grinding his head in my cervix, this is happening. So I was sure I’ve made a ton of progress, like I’m having contractions every three minutes, everything’s working great.
And at the end of cyto attack round two, they check and they’re like, all right, you’re at one centimeter dilated. And I was like, I’m sorry, what? I’m what? I’m sure it is farther along like check again. But here we go, the slow boat to wherever, this is gonna take a long time.
So cyto check round three. But I was much thinner after round two. Still only at a one-ish, but much thinner at round two. They’re like way softer, getting thin. Definitely working. By the end of round two, he was not tolerating it. Perfectly. So every time I contract, his heart rate would slightly dip. Not terribly, but enough that they wanted to gimme a bolus of fluids to make everything even out again and make sure everybody was doing well. Whatever they gave me fluids, he seemed to be tolerating everything fine again. ’cause even without the cyto attack, I was still contracting. So they’re like, okay, everything’s going well, keep going. Let’s do it again.
I think it was 10 o’clock that night, I got my third round of cyto attack and that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. It was fast and furious and I could not stop cursing the entire time that thing was in there. What was going on? It was like lightning everywhere from my belly button down. I was in so much pain. I was cursing and I was just contracting very strongly for a long period, very quickly. So I was having like one and a half minute long contractions every two minutes with no downtime and no InBetween time.
His heart rate was starting to dip. And I was not tolerating it well. I was barfing, like it was cursing. I felt like a giant just cursing mo cow, like just roaming around the room. I really wanted to be on all fours, move around, move my hips, but where he was sitting, like where he was inside and the way like my belly was with my legs, like I kept knocking the monitor off, they’d have to come in and fix it again.
So they were like, we really need you in bed. And all I wanted to do when I had this baby was not be in bed. Like I did not wanna be on my back. That was something like, I felt very strongly about when I did my hospital tour and stuff, I made sure I don’t have to birth on my back. They’re like, no, you get to pick your position. Everything’s great. The fact that I had to keep getting in bed and lay sitting there and laying there, I was just so uncomfortable. And it was just, it made it worse to not be able to move around and move through the contractions. My hypnobirthing stuff, everything’s move with them, move through ’em, breathe through ’em.
And I just couldn’t do that in bed sitting still. His heart rate got to the point where he was really not tolerating it well and they were gonna give me meds to slow my contractions, but instead, even though when they checked me I was like at a two centimeters, but I was fully efface. So it was progressing quicker at that point.
Thankfully it was actually doing something. The doctor said, even though you’re not that far along, was giving you an epidural. ’cause she figured I’m just so uncomfortable that I’m tensing up. A lot of times if you get an epidural, your body can calm down a bit to the point where you progress quickly and you can have your baby, easy or whatever.
So I was like, sign me up, gimme that epidural. Let’s go. I do not. Yes, please, epidural. Now let’s do this. And unfortunately when I got my epidural, he tanked. So the epidural happened and his heart rate started dropping a lot, every single contraction. It was not great. So about three minutes after I got my epidural, all of a sudden there’s quite a few nurses in my room and they’re turning me, flipping me over trying to figure out which position gets his heart rate back better.
They were worried that the cord was wrapped around his neck and he was like, as they, as your body pushes them into your birth canal, it can tighten the cord and cause cord compression. So they were worried that was happening and they’re like, okay, can you get on all fours? Can you get this way? Can you get that way? I’m like, ladies, my leg are numb. No I cannot. So my sister’s they were flipping you like a seven 11 hotdog. Like you were just like over and over. Flip this side, flip that side up on all fours, whatever. They had to push my knees under me to get me up on all fours to stay still.
His heart rate just. He was not having it. So next thing there’s like even more nurses in the room and the ones wiping down with wiping me down with Chlor Hexine alright, so it looks like you’re probably gonna have a C-section. I don’t want you to freak out, the doctor’s coming in to double check, just want you to know it’ll all be fine. I’m just doing this as a precautionary measure. And in my head I’m like, girl, I’m about to be cut open, but whatever. Okay. Precautionary my butt, but sure. So they wiped me down with Chlorhexidine and the doctor comes in, she’s okay, your neighbor, her baby has also decided to take a dip.
So we’re gonna see which one of you was worse. And then the other one, he will be okay because he was okay. They just didn’t like that his heart rate was coming back every time. They just didn’t like that it was dipping with every contraction. So about a minute later she comes back, she’s like, all right, her baby’s back up and fine.
So we’re taking you. So next thing you know, again, just just like the IUI, all of a sudden happened. It was all of a sudden it was like, oh shit, I’m having a baby right now. Okay, let’s go have a C-section. So I went
Jamie: Were you freaking out?
Alissa: No, weirdly enough. No, it was, at that point it earlier in the day when it seemed like it wasn’t, the induction wasn’t progressing. At one point my doctor’s okay, you can go home if you want. And I like had a full on breakdown I’m not going home without my baby. I will not go home. I came in here to be induced ’cause I have a higher risk of having a stillbirth. I already can’t sleep well like the last week or two I wasn’t sleeping well because I was so nervous that what if something happens at this point. Like I’ve made it all the way this way and I’ve been so good and so chill. After about week 14, I was like much more like in tune with my pregnancy and felt good about it. And I was just terrified that I was gonna have a stillbirth. So I was like having a full breakdown I’m not leaving without my baby, so you can cut ’em outta me, vacuum him outta me. I don’t care how you get ’em outta me, I will leave this hospital with a baby. So at that point, if he’s not doing well, cut him out.
I was never I think because I was so laid back about the birthing process and just trust my body and know that it’s gonna work and whatever it is, he’ll come out How he’s meant to be come, meant to come out. So it was like, okay. And by that point all those contractions were terrible. I was like, please take ’em out. I do not wanna go through that for another eight hours, 10 hours, 14 hours. I can’t handle that. So cut ’em out. Good to go. Let’s do this.
So I really, I wasn’t freaking out. I was just like, okay, let’s do it. I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. Oh my God, I’m about like I’m really having a baby. It’s still just this weird concept like, we grow a human and then it comes out and it’s our baby. I was like, oh my God. There really is a baby in there. He really is coming out. It was that kind of like nervous worry, but it wasn’t like, oh God, I’m gonna have surgery. That part didn’t bother me at all. No.
Jamie: Uhhuh. So who went?
Alissa: My sister. Okay. My sister. My mom and sister were both there, but my sister went in with me.
So I went into her second C-section, so she came in with mine.
Yep.
Jamie: And how was it? Uneventful?
Alissa: Yeah, it was great. I don’t know. It didn’t feel a thing. I will say the shaking that occurs when you have, the epidural of the block, whatever it is that makes your shoulders shake was hellacious.
My shoulders were shaking so bad and I was shivering so bad that like my jaw felt like it was almost locked up. I was trying to, not to chatter, so I was like holding it really tight and my jaw was sore and my shoulders were like on fire. They were like, like tired from shaking so much. That was the worst part of it, to be honest.
But they’re like, okay, can you feel this? Can you feel this? I’m like, no, I can’t. They’re like, all right, we’re gonna start. I’m like, okay, here we go. And they did it and thank God they did it when they did, because he was actually a meconium baby. He had pooped in his house.
And at the last minute actually, she cut me open and reached into grab him, and he flipped again and flipped transverse. So she’s he is so dead set on being inside of you. You are coming out right now, sir. Get out. But yeah, it was like swamp water that poured out of me. I have the video, but a meconium baby. So that was probably why he really wasn’t tolerating it well. And she said my uterus was stained.
My placenta was stained. He had like greenish hair, like it had been probably at least a day or if not two or more that he had pooped. So it was good that he came out. When he did. It was good that I stayed, all of that. I just felt so, not vindicated, but I just felt so solid in making that choice for myself. No, I want him out. He needs to be born. I felt really good that was the choice I made.
He came, they pulled him out. They showed him to me. They he didn’t have a great Apgar score at first, but after a couple minutes he was fine. They wrapped him up, put him next to me, and it was the best.
Jamie: Did you get to hear him cry?
Alissa: Oh yeah. God, yeah. He cried. He was not happy. He had big old feet. He had blonde hair. My sister was like, he’s blonde. And I’m like, what? I’m a blonde hair baby. What are you talking about? You can’t tell. But I have like lightish brown hair, but I had like brown hair as a baby.
I don’t know why. I just never in a million years thought he’d come out as a blonde. And he did blonde, like very golden blonde. I was shocked. Shocked. What? He’s blonde. What? And he was kinda long, which was a shock because when I had my last couple measurement ultrasounds they measured, he had a big head and short legs and I was like, oh, poor muffin.
We’re gonna have a shorty. It’ll be fun. He’ll be a short king. We’ll be great. It’ll be lovely. Big headed. Short king, just like his mother. When I was born, I was 19 and a quarter inches long and eight, eight pounds, six ounces. So I was like short and fat. My mom said I was like a football, like short, fat, big head.
So I sure that’s how he would come out. So he came out like 20 and a half inches long and seven pounds, 11 ounces. I was like, okay, he’s not that fat. He’s got short legs, but a long torso, like he’s got some height. Okay. Okay. Good. This is crazy.
Jamie: How was your recovery?
Alissa: Recovery was pretty good. I went to the recovery room, right away. Went to the recovery room. He nursed, he latched right away. So I had a breast reduction when I was 21. So I was also worried about being able to nurse and that kind of thing.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: But he latched right away. That all was good. I actually only stayed in the hospital until the next afternoon, so I had him at two in the morning. I know. I had him at two in the morning. I had to supplement right away. They were just in my room constantly, which, I’m in the hospital, that’s what they’re supposed to do. But I was beside myself, annoyed with them get out of my space. I just want a nap. Everything’s good. He’s eating. Can I just sleep for an hour? And no, they have to come check on you, check on this and check on that and whatever.
The next morning, the one of my doctors that’s, that did rounds, he’s okay, if you’re feeling good, you can probably go home tonight. If you want to. If you wanna stay, by all means stay. But if you’re feeling good, it’s been 36 hours, you seem to be doing well. I wasn’t bleeding super heavily. Like I was doing fine. Everything seemed fine. So I was like on board with that. ’cause then all night long, of course you don’t sleep because they’re checking on you. Then that second night, like the first night he was, fresh second night, he had all that testing. I finally went to sleep. They came in at five in the morning to look at whatever, and it was like, oh my God, I just wanna sleep. Like I’m a new mom. I’m in the hospital, let me sleep when I can, when I go home I’m not gonna sleep at all. I just wanna sleep here. And I just couldn’t. Then there was students that came in that day and checked me every hour on the hour it seemed like, and I was like, get me out of here.
I can go home. My sister’s a nurse, she can help me. She’s a nurse practitioner now, she can help me if I need help. My mom’s gonna stay at my house for a couple days just get me out of here. So I went home the next night. I know that sounds crazy, but like I checked outta the hospital at 5:00 PM I just didn’t wanna be in there anymore.
My mom stayed the first night with me, but I actually told her after that night you can sleep at home. ‘Cause she lives five doors down for me. So it’s not like she’s far. If I needed anything I could call her and she would, yeah, I, she would be here in four minutes, whatever it took to get dressed and get out the door. I could pick him up. Okay. I was sore. Let’s be real. I had a C-section, but I could roll to the side and sit myself up. Okay. I could pick him up. Okay. I have a ba, I have his bassinet right next to my bed and one of the ones with the zip down wall. I just there’s a little bit of a lip. I couldn’t just roll him out, but I’m like gently pick him up and check on ’em and whatever.
I just had a really good mindset about it all. Was I sore? Yeah. Okay. Duh. I had surgery, they cut my guts open but not so sore that I couldn’t move, like not so sore. I couldn’t do stuff, so I just did what I could. I sat around a lot of the time, obviously. And if someone was here, I’d be like, okay, pick ’em up for me and then get myself up.
I’m a single mom, I have to figure it out. So I didn’t want to be beholden to anyone, not on their behalf, but on my behalf. I wanted to be able to figure it out on my own. And I did. And it went really well. I nursed and supplemented pretty much from the beginning.
But I healed well.
Jamie: Good.
Alissa: I was, yeah, I was really lucky. I went to my one week checkup and the doctor’s like, all right, everything looks great. He took off my bandage and he is everything looks really good. How are you feeling? I’m like, good. He sleeps three hour chunks every night. I’m sleeping when I can, but feel really good about everything.
He is okay, this is awesome. You’re doing better than I did when I had a kid with my wife. This is great. Do you have any questions? I’m like, my only question is when do I get to drive? And he is as soon as you’re not on narcotic, I’m on any narcotic pain medicine you can drive.
And I was like I didn’t even fill my pain prescription. I just take the high dose ibuprofen you guys gave me. He is then you can drive home if you want to. I was like, yes. Just feeling stuck at the house, whether I was or wasn’t
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: Was like the part I didn’t like, like feeling beholden, like having to have someone drive me, having to have someone, whatever. Like I just hated that.
Jamie: Yeah. What about breastfeeding?
Alissa: So I do have a lactation consultant. A girlfriend that I’ve known since we were little is a lactation consultant. So I had her come over before I had him. So the week before I was induced, I had her come over. I actually was like, wasn’t leaking colostrum, but I could squeeze colostrum out, which I was very proud of my previously reduced boobs for that. She came over, she taught me a few, like breastfeeding holds.
My sister was like a moo cow. She was like an over producer. So I’ve been around a lot of breastfeeding in my life. Been around a lot of babies, like I knew about it, but it was nice having her here to this is what it’s gonna be like on your body. This is how you need to hold your hands, your arms, this is one hold that could work for you having bigger boobs. I’m busty. Okay. I wear like an H or an I. Like a 36. Hi. We got big boobs and we breastfeed different than littler boobs. Not that you have to, the holds are different ’cause my arms and the baby.
Jamie: Sure.
Alissa: And what they might like, not whatever. So she just showed me some different, like different ways to hold the baby that could work better for me.
Measured me for my breast shield if I needed it. She gave me a breast shield if I needed it. I had a pump. So she helped me set up my pump. And these are the settings you’re gonna and that sort of thing. I started off breastfeeding and pumping both. I really wanted to exclusively breastfeed if I could. I ended up not being able to, I just, I joked that my boobs are slow flow, slow fill after being reduced. They just don’t have they just take longer to fill up. And I think, the plumbing’s been cut enough that it just doesn’t quite fill up as much as, other ones do. And when it comes out, it’s not as fast.
He’s at 14 weeks and we’re still nursing, I do what I can. But at his one month checkup, I was only supplementing one bottle in the night. And at his one month checkup he hadn’t dropped any weight, but he hadn’t gained weight the way he had gained height. And I was worried about him like not gaining enough weight ’cause he was definitely skinny. When I started supplementing more bottles, I instantly had a super happy baby again. I think he was really hungry and he was farting a lot and it seemed to be gasp, but it was really just, he was hungry. I think he was farting a bunch because he was scrunching and tightening his belly because he was hungry and crying. Yeah, just started feeding him a little more and I gave him top off bottles after my I nursed.
And he was much happier and got much fatter quicker.
Jamie: That’s awesome. And mentally how were you?
Alissa: Oh my God. So much better after that. Breastfeeding is stressful. Having a baby is stressful. All of that is stress. He is a very easygoing baby. He has been laying here this entire time, sleeping in my lap.
But breastfeeding was definitely stressful and it was painful. It was not pleasant. For the first however long I used ettes, which were to me a godsend, if you,
Jamie: what’s that?
Alissa: Have you heard, so silvers are these sterling silver little nipple shield. Cup thingies. The best way to describe ’em. They’re like a little silver disc with a mound like worked into ’em. So it covers your nipple. And silver is like a natural anti-microbial, anti whatever helps your nipples not get sore, cracked, bleeding, whatnot. Basically a little drop of breast milk stays in there with your nipples and it just makes them heal better. Godsend. My nipples felt so much better when I use my ettes than when I don’t.
I did use that as a pregnant slash new mom. The one thing I will tell anybody is get ettes ’cause if you wanna breastfeed. ’cause they were fantastic. And my lactation consultant, I’d asked her about ’em ’cause read about ’em and she said, oh, they’re fantastic. Definitely get a set. So I did.
So knowing that okay, I really can’t make as much as I thought I could or as I wanted to. Like I thought I wasn’t making as much as I knew, I wasn’t basically like I don’t think I’m making enough. The doctor confirmed you’re probably not making enough, whatever. That was the green light to be able to feed him a little bit more formula. And it’s just been so much more enjoyable since then. So I don’t have to worry so much am I gonna make my lactate, lactation cookies? Am I gonna drink the Under Armour or not Under Armour, the whatever drink? Am I gonna do this? Am I gonna do that? Am I gonna drink enough water? Am I gonna eat enough food? Like it was just nonstop that first month. I think that was probably the hardest part, like making sure I was properly hydrated, properly fed. Like I felt like I was just eating nonstop all day long.
Oh my God, more food, I’m done, but I have to get enough calories in so I make enough milk ’cause he needs more milk. All of that worry was the most stressful part.
Jamie: What about postpartum depression? Did you experience any of that?
Alissa: Thankfully, no. I definitely cried a lot in the beginning, but it was more like out of joy. Like I cried earlier in the podcast, right? Like just, so much emotion. Like it was so great having him here and I really have a baby. This is amazing. All of that. I would cry about that kind of stuff, but I was never, thankfully, I never had any sort of like baby blues. I never had postpartum depression. I never had any dark thoughts, bad thoughts. It’s been really good. It’s just been great. You know what I mean?
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: Everything’s gone well. I am lucky. I have a lot of support, so I know for a lot of mothers, like they don’t feel supported or, I feel like, I know it’s gonna sound crazy, but I feel like I have it easier not having a partner because I don’t have to worry about how is this affecting our relationship. You said that wrong to me, that annoys me. I don’t have that extra little bit of stress. It’s just me and him, so I don’t have to worry about anybody else. And I know that sounds crazy, but it makes it easier, I think. So I don’t have that extra stressor of another human here all the time.
You’re not making bottles the right way. You’re not feeding him you’re making too much noise and he’s trying to sleep. I don’t wanna watch your TV show tonight. I can watch all the trashy tv I want to, it’s just him and I.
Jamie: I love that.
Alissa: And again, it’s another like way I think of it in a positive manner.
Like other people are like, oh, but it’s so sad. You don’t have anybody to help you. You don’t have whatever. It’s not every day, like day to day. I don’t, but my mom lives down the street. My sister’s here all the time. She’s obsessed with him. My grandma lives a little, two miles away. I have lots of friends here in town.
It was more or less please get out of my house in the beginning. Not I need help.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: It was like I have too many visitors and too many people in my space like. I love all of you. Get out of my house please. I need a break. I’m used to living alone. I’m not used to living alone with a baby and four of my family members every day.
Jamie: Right.
Alissa: I do have help and I do, get help when I need it and ask for help when I need it. That is a thing you need to be able to do as a new mom is ask for help, don’t feel bad. But yeah, it’s just, I’m very lucky. I never had any issues honestly. And I was very worried about that.
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything else you wanna share about your pregnancy or birth?
Alissa: I don’t, nothing other than the fact that if you wanna do it. If you want to be a mom in any way that you need to. You know what I mean? Especially don’t let your age stop you. I have another girlfriend who was 40 at her first baby and 42, 43 at her second baby. I think I’m gonna be a one and done, to be honest.
But I don’t know. And so I have two units left right now and I’m giving myself until he turns one to make that decision. But, if you wanna do it. People like asked me, like friends, family members, random people, whatever. Like how did you know, like, how did you know it was gonna work? How did you know? And whatever. I didn’t, I honestly thought it wouldn’t work. But I also knew that if I didn’t try, I would be so upset with myself forever. ’cause you don’t know unless you try,
Jamie: try.
Alissa: So it’s how I’ve built my two businesses. It’s how I’ve lived my life. Like you don’t know until you try, so just try. Am I gonna be able to be a mom? I don’t know, but I gotta try it. So I tried and, have a baby, so
Jamie: I love it. What has been your biggest challenge being pregnant in your forties?
Alissa: People, other people, honestly. Other people. I think my biggest challenge being pregnant in my forties was like the self-doubt that it would work. Like really learning to trust myself. Trust my body is going to do what it’s supposed to do. That was by far the hardest part like coming to terms with the fact that I, like I said before, like I can’t change it. I’m very much I’m gonna say I’m a control freak. I’m fairly laid back about a lot of stuff like. Where are we gonna go to dinner? Who cares? Where are we gonna go on vacation? Who cares? I don’t care about that kind of stuff, but for some reason, I get more control freaky about like the minutia.
I want this thing done this way, I want that thing done that way. That kind of stuff. The stuff I can control, I want control over. And so I had no control over this. You do not have control over it. It is just your body doing a thing or not doing a thing. And so you just gotta let it go. And that was by far the hardest part, letting it go really, I think.
And then the second hardest part was just other people like I hope everything goes okay. Oh, you’re that old. Oh. Just the constant chatter about it was just annoying to me.
Jamie: Yeah.
Alissa: And the your life’s gonna change. Duh. Gladys, I’m 41. I’m pretty I’ve figured out that your life changes when you have a baby. Duh. Susan, whatever. Yes. That’s why I’m doing it. So my life changes. It’s boring here by myself. It’s very self-indulgent. This is silly. There’s more to life. I would like a baby, so yes, I know. My life is changing. Thank you. Like that comment. Oh my God. I just wanted to throat punch everyone that said that.
Jamie: I’m with you.
Alissa: Duh, my life is gonna change. Duh. That’s, I’m gonna become a human. Yes. That’s literally why I paid for it. I know. Thank you.
Jamie: Let’s talk about your maternity photos. ‘Cause they’re amazing.
Alissa: Do it, do maternity photos. Y’all Do them. Do them. While I was a hairdresser before, I was actually a photographer as well. I know I mentioned I quit college to be a hairdresser. And after a while, being a hairdresser, I thought I should finish college, but I don’t wanna go back for business that’s boring.
And I realized I could get a photography degree at the college near me. So I went back to co, to college for photography, became a photographer, had my own studio as like a side hustle. I specialized in maternity and newborns because I’ve always wanted to be a mommy. I think a pregnant woman is beautiful.
I love babies, so I did, portraits, but really maternity and newborns. And so the one thing that I was like, I will be doing this is maternity photos. I do not care if I have to set this shit up myself, take my own damn photos, I’m doing maternity photos because a, I figured it was gonna be the only time in my life I could do it, number one.
Number two, once I was like feeling good and realizing I wasn’t gonna be a giant house okay, I feel really sexy. I want some maternity photos to look good, to commemorate this. I was actually a good pregnant woman. Let’s like, make sure I have this in photo four. And three, just to celebrate it, like it’s a big deal, take care of yourself.
And it was like a self-care thing for me. I found a photographer in Orlando that I loved. And in our like initial consult, we found out that we trained with the same photographer. So that’s why I probably loved her ’cause I told her like, your vibe is very just my vibe. Like we have very similar photos of what I used to take and we found out we trained with the same person. So that makes sense why our stuff looked similar. But I really just loved her right away. So I did my dress fitting, picked a couple dresses that I loved, brought a pair of jeans ’cause I wanted some like casual stuff and went and did my maternity photos and it was the best thing ever.
Jamie: They look awesome.
Alissa: Thank you.
Jamie: Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth in their forties?
Alissa: A healthy dose of I can do it. Just a healthy dose of trusting yourself and knowing that whether it works or doesn’t, you’ll be okay. It happens and doesn’t happen every day to lots and lots of women.
Yeah. Also, be forewarned people will make comments. So you just have to help to have a healthy dose of I can do it and it’s my choice and my path to choose. I had quite a few, I own a quilt shop, a fabric store, so we know there’s lots of older women who do that hobby, there’s a lot of younger of us, but there are lots of older women and a lot of older women have a mind older mindset. Not all of them, quite a few of them, when they found out I was a single mom by choice, were like, holy hell, you’re making the best decision in your life.
But quite a few women were like. Oh, I didn’t know you got married. Oh, when did you get married? Who’s your husband? Whatever. And it got to the point where they were just making the most ridiculous comments all the time. So I’d be like, oh no, I bought this one online. ‘Cause he was a sperm donor baby, so I bought it online, like I really did buy the pieces and parts online.
But you just need to go into it knowing that this is your journey and your story. And you can control that story and narrative however you want to. You can tell them, this is none of your business. Take a hike. You can tell them in a very inappropriate way, like I did, I bought him online or you can say he’s made with love and it’s not your information.
Jamie: Yeah, what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant?
If you could go back,
Alissa: relax a little more. Don’t stress as much about it. Don’t be so nervous about it. Don’t be so worried about it. It took me a while in my pregnancy until I really relaxed into it. Probably until I could feel him moving daily, which was about week 20 ish. I could feel him move pretty early. Like I think it was week 15. I felt like slight movement by week 16. That’s a definite movement. It was very subtle and I had to lay flat on my couch and whatever, but it took until like week 20 that I could feel him move daily. And that’s when I really like, really felt more comfortable with it and really felt a little better. ‘Cause it was a constant reminder that he was there.
But I think any. If any newly pregnant woman, especially someone who has recurrent loss, it is just terrifying. Every step of the way is terrifying. And so it, it took me a while to be like, just okay with the fact that this is my body and my body’s doing its thing and I can’t change it and nothing’s gonna whatever. So I just have to relax into it.
Jamie: And where can our listeners connect with you?
Alissa: So on Instagram. Which at Alyssa Lipinski is my Instagram. I have a business, it’s at Oceans of Thread. Is my quilt shop.
Jamie: Perfect. I’ll leave all the links in the description.
Alissa: Yeah. And again, I’m an open book, so if anybody has a question I’m in central Florida. If you wanna know what doctor office I went to, what experience I had at the other doctor office, like message me. I will tell I’m an ex hairdresser and a very open one at that. So I will tell pretty much anybody, anything they ask sometimes to my detriment. But
Jamie: perfect.
Alissa: Yeah.
Jamie: Alyssa, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Alissa: Of course. I loved it.