On episode 58, Ch-a was born and raised in California, but currently lives in Clearwater, Florida. From eight years old all the way into her 20’s she was a competitive athlete. She ran track in college and has always been an athlete. She still feels like she benefits from the hard work she’s put her body through. She conceived at 45 naturally, but she miscarried. A year later, trying to have a baby was the last thing on her mind. She had been in California because her father was in a very bad car accident, which put him in the hospital for about a week and a half and then he passed away. She put him to rest, and then packed up her mother to live with her in Florida. She believes when you lose a life, then a new one comes in.
She was not working out but would go on walks occasionally, there was no fitness routine. She was actually pretty run down, running on fumes. She was taking a lot of supplements. Even prior to her dad, if she wasn’t sleeping and not particularly eating well, she took supplements. She was heavy on B vitamins because B1 keeps away nightmares, any negative thoughts that may creep in when she’s going through stress. It is good for the nervous system and good for metabolism. She takes zinc and vitamin D for immunity. She also takes Vitamin E because it oxygenates the blood, and vitamin C. She was really trying to keep her health up to help her father. Her workouts consisted of hauling furniture, yard sales, estate sale, and taking lots of walks to keep up her mood. She is a big proponent of long walks when she’s not happy.
A few weeks home, she noticed she was extremely fatigued. This wasn’t normal for her. When she was in California, she had an enormous amount of energy. She assumes it was an increase in progesterone. She was anticipating her cycle to start and was taking a progesterone supplement. She thinks she had an elevated progesterone plus the supplement and couldn’t stay awake. Then her cycle didn’t start. When she was a day or two late, a voice in her head told her to take a test. She finally did and it was positive. She was so excited, but also felt dread. The weight of the miscarriage a year ago told her she just needed to see and not be too excited. She didn’t want to get her hopes up.
The pregnancy… I think was better than probably what even 20-year-old’s experience.
The pregnancy went better than what a 20-year-old experienced, she said. She had some standard pregnancy symptoms, like she was tired. She didn’t get nauseous, didn’t get swollen, didn’t have high blood pressure, or get gestational diabetes. During the first trimester, she took nutritional yeast for energy. That one really helped with her first trimester fatigue and got her up off the couch and helped her nausea. She was constantly nauseous, but she never threw up. She was always on the verge but never actually vomited. Nutritional yeast handled that. She mixed it with orange juice, in a shot glass. Nutritional yeast is used by vegans as a cheese substitute. It doesn’t taste like cheese to her. She would mix it in a little glass with some orange juice and chug it down. She just didn’t enjoy it like the vegans. She would take it twice a day because it made a difference with her sleep.
When she moved to Clearwater, she asked for recommendations with a group of local women. She started with one OB office that she would just go to for her annual exams, and they helped her through her first miscarriage. She asked around and learned about natural childbirth and opted out of her OB clinic. She decided on a birthing center. She went under midwife care about halfway through. It was important to have a natural birth and have choices like a water birth. Because of her age, she still wanted respect for her birthing choices. She went with the birthing center with hopes of having a natural delivery.
Ch-a wanted to know the gender right away. It was important to her to find out the gender, so she could speak to her baby for who he/she is. It was one way to she was able to bond with her baby. She found out the gender of the baby at 12 weeks along with the chromosome abnormality test. She wanted to know all of it up front. She opted to do every test they offered. She wanted to be prepared for any and all eventualities. She was having a girl Ch-a would later name Naomi.
She would not consider herself a heavy carnivore, but she ate more hamburgers and steaks in her pregnancy more than she had her entire life! Sometimes she would crave beef and nothing else would do. She didn’t crave sweets at all. She didn’t like junk food, but she really liked a lot of fruit. Lots of citrus and lots of meat. She wonders if it’s the iron and the protein. During the second trimester, she would go to the gym at 5 a.m. The baby started to kick and wake her up and she was not able to go back to sleep. The second trimester was where she got her fitness and good nutrition. She wasn’t showing yet, so nobody knew she was pregnant. One day, this guy was hitting on her while she was working out. A friend saw what was going on and interrupted by asking about the baby. The guy left quickly afterwards and she canceled her membership.
Trying to get the nursery ready was another story. Her mom had the room the baby was supposed to be in, so the baby had to be in her bedroom. It’s been like an Ikea project trying to arrange furniture to make it everything fit. She bought the house for just her and her partner, so adding a baby and a grandma made it shrink quickly. Her partner started buying things after the 12-week ultrasound. Suddenly a bassinet, stroller and playpen showed up. Her partner didn’t want to wait until the last minute to start buying the things the baby needed. She told him she was worried about losing the baby and he was going to resent her. She says she was dramatic. Her partner was really the one to start preparing for the baby. Ch-a was the one that wanted to drag her feet and make sure because she didn’t want to have all these baby things in the house if it didn’t work out. Her partner was confident there was a baby coming, so he planned for one. 13-weeks was a relief for her. The 20-week ultrasound was where she gave a big sigh of relief because there were no abnormalities found. There was one abnormality with the baby’s heart, but it’s asymptomatic. She never felt like she was allowed to relax because there was always a threat of something. She thinks the baby can survive outside of the womb at 28 weeks if born prematurely. That was the week she believed she was having a baby. She believed she made it.
She began to get very run down in the third trimester. A friend of hers, who is a nurse, recommended she get her blood levels checked for iron. She was borderline anemic and began taking Floridex. It is a liquid iron supplement that was amazing because it didn’t cause constipation. She also took vitamin C along with it to help absorb the iron.
She didn’t sleep well the night before and couldn’t hold food down. She believes that she sabotaged her own natural delivery because she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t rested. She would be doing normal things around the house and before she know it, she was tired and worn out. She wished she sat down, and “Netflix-ed it up.”
Ch-a wanted a natural labor and was opposed to drugs of any sort. She wanted to avoid an epidural and anything that would involve having to inject unnatural substances into her body. She took birthing classes and used the Bradley method, which is about father-led coached birthing.
She carried to term, she got to 40 weeks which made her very anxious due to the conversation of stillbirth if she carried too long with the midwives. At 39 weeks she got membrane sweeps, which is where they go in with the fingers and sweep the membrane to try to break them. After one time, it got her dilated to 3 cm. Ch-a tried to induce labor on her own, too. She was taking evening primrose oil and other supplements. She was inserting primrose oil vaginally to help loosen up the mucus plug. The next week, she went in for the next visit and did the membrane sweep, again. About an hour and half later, as she got back in her car from buying castor oil at CVS, in case the membrane sweep didn’t work, her water broke. A gush of water came out. She describes the car ride to the birthing center as very rough. She felt every bump and crack in the road. An hour and half later she was in active labor. She was hungry and tired. By the time she got food in her stomach, she couldn’t hold it down. She threw it up. She’s still hungry, tired and now in heavy labor. She got to the birthing center at midnight. She tried to sleep, but the contractions prevented that. The next morning, they brought breakfast and castor oil. She threw-up again. The midwives told her she had 24 hours to deliver her baby since her water broke or she was going to be taken to the hospital. After 22 hours, she fantasized about the epidural because the pain was so bad. She was so exhausted. She didn’t think she could deliver in two hours. She wanted food and sleep. She finally threw in the towel and was transferred to the hospital. In route to the hospital, her baby Naomi pooped. She had meconium leaking. Ch-a describes labor as disgusting. There are all kinds of body fluids coming out. She was pooping, farting and vomiting. It was horrible and very demoralizing. It wasn’t as beautiful an experience as she had imagined. She got the epidural and her baby’s heart rate started dipping. Things got better, but then crashed again. The baby’s heart rate dipped so low that the nurse turned the monitor where she couldn’t see it. Then about five more nurses showed up in blue. She knew there was an emergency, and she should stop asking questions. She was looking at a C-section. She was upset at the doctor at first, but when the urgency increased with the nurse, Ch-a told them to get her out. She knew what her heart rate looked like. When it was dipping in the 60 range, she told them to get her out. They were so fast. It was only 20 minutes until they had her out. She just wanted a healthy baby, though.
Her recovery was great, but she admits a C-section recovery is not fun. She doesn’t think she was available to her baby as much as if she had a vaginal delivery. She said it was so painful. The nurses told her to walk when she got home. It gets the gut moving. Because she was walking, she was able to poop and pass gas which helped things heal a lot faster. She was proud of her pregnant belly. One day she was walking. She said she kind of looked pregnant, but maybe just a gut. She was bandaged up. Nobody could tell what her circumstances were and she walked limping and shuffling along, kind of hunched over and crying. She thought this sucks. She didn’t think she even looked pregnant, instead she just looked like she had issues. Ch-a said it was emotional. She didn’t have the baby inside her and there’s also this physical recovery. It’s not glamorous and not fun. She didn’t think she was glowing anymore. She couldn’t interact fully with her baby like she wanted to. She was walking, which helped her recover faster. Everyone told her to stay away from the stairs, but they live in a three-story townhouse. That wasn’t an option for her. She had a lot of friends come over to help, but there’s only so much they could do. By necessity, she got right really quick. She was going up and down the stairs every day. She moved very slowly, but she made her way. By six weeks, she felt healed.
It’s important to Ch-a that she makes sure she’s happy. She ate well and took her supplements. She stayed on the prenatal vitamins and stayed on her B vitamins. She continued to take lots of walks and had a good friendship circle. Her friends showed up in mass because besides her mom, most of her family is in California. Her mom has her own level of care, so she hasn’t been able to be much of assistance with the baby. Ch-a has a geriatric mom who can walk around but mentally, is not the grandma she would have been just a few years ago.
Her partner is an amazing father. When he comes home, he is hands-on with his baby. There’s been a couple of days where he would come home and Naomi would be screaming. He would hear it and he would drop his bags and come straight up and take her. He always tells Ch-a she’s doing a great job with their daughter. Ch-a’s not saying that there aren’t days where she’s overwhelmed, but those days pass.
Ch-a feels so lucky in the breastfeeding department, up until recently. Her baby latched right away. The nurses in the hospital were great with helping Ch-a learn how to get her to latch. In her first week, she stopped latching briefly. She took her to a prenatal chiropractor the very next day and he did adjustments on her. Even in her mouth. They worked on her mouth a bit and she wound up not having anything done, but she latched back on. They are going through times where her baby wants her to lay in bed to feed. She doesn’t want to sit up. She just wants to lie in bed and be fed. That’s a new thing that they are working through.
It was a fantastic pregnancy, so much that she misses being pregnant. When Ch-a sees pregnant women now, she gets jealous of their bellies and wants to do it again.
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Transcript:
Jamie: Ch-a, welcome to the show.
Ch-a: Thank you. Glad to be here.
Jamie: And today we are sharing her story at 47, so Amazing. But before we get started on your story, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Ch-a: Sure. So my name is Ch-a. That’s the first thing is it’s spelled CH hyphen a. And so most people are like, how do you say that girl’s name.
So that’s my name and I’m an LA girl, born and raised in California, but I currently live in Clearwater, Florida and I am a new surprise Mommy. I conceived at the age of 46 naturally. And was honestly as skeptical if the pregnancy would carry through. And now surprise, surprise, she did. She carried through.
And I’m a new mom to a baby girl and that’s the most distinct snapshot of who I am because that it is whatever it is that I was changed so drastically with this pregnancy. But I’m on a new path now. I’m a new Ch-a for sure.
Jamie: I love it. So tell us, leading up to finding out you were pregnant, what were you doing?
And this isn’t your first pregnancy, correct?
Ch-a: Correct. So leading up to my pregnancy, I actually had been in California because my father was in a very bad car accident, which put him in the hospital for about a week and a half, and then he passed away.
Jamie: Oh, i’m so sorry.
Ch-a: Yeah. That’s why when people say, were you trying like.
Jamie: No,
Ch-a: pregnancy was literally the furthest thing from my mind when I conceived. And I do think it’s more spiritual than anything else. I mean, some people say when you lose a life, then a new one comes in. You know, there is that tale and I think that I might be experiencing that. So yeah, my dad passed away and I had to put him to rest and pack up mama and bring her here with me to Florida.
And the weekend that I returned home after all of that was the weekend that I conceived. Like I’m very certain about that. I did conceive at the age of 45 also naturally, and just surprise. But that pregnancy didn’t stick. I miscarried and then about a year later we conceived again, you know, and now half the baby that we all know Little Naomi.
Jamie: Yeah. I’m sorry about your miscarriage, but on this podcast we really like to share our losses also along the way. So thank you for sharing.
Ch-a: Oh yeah. I make sure I let women know that. Mm-hmm. Because that’s the other part of the story is that I conceived at 45 miscarried and still went on to conceive again naturally at 46 and carry my baby through two term healthy, both she and I.
And that is part of the beauty of my story and the hope of it all is that just. Because you miscarried, it doesn’t mean that you can’t try again, especially at my age, right?
Jamie: Yeah. So tell us, were you just late on your cycle and that’s what prompted you to think you were pregnant?
Ch-a: No, the first thing that prompted me is I was extremely fatigued.
Mm-hmm. And when I had been in California dealing with my dad, dad, I had like untold amounts of energy. Like I was like the Energizer bunny, you know, handling him, handling their state, handling. Like I just was not tired. And then, you know, about a week after returning home, I hit a wall of fatigue that didn’t make sense.
And what I, what I think it was, was an increase in my progesterone.
Jamie: Mm.
Ch-a: And what occurred was I also in, in anticipation of my period was taking a progesterone supplement and this, so I think I had elevated progesterone plus the progesterone supplement, and I couldn’t stay awake for anything. I was miserable and I was like, I can’t. Like, what is happening? Then my period didn’t come. I was like, maybe a day or two late and I was like, take the test, take the test. I was, I am very in tune with my body in that way and yep, sure enough, it read positive.
Jamie: And what were your thoughts? Seeing that? Positive test.
Ch-a: Excitement and also a little dread, you know, because I had had the previous miscarriage. Mm-hmm. So it was a little bit like, oh my goodness, like, I’m pregnant, and then Okay. But we’ll see.
Jamie: Yeah,
Ch-a: I’m pregnant, but. ..
Jamie: We can’t get too excited. I know that feeling. Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Don’t wanna get too excited. Don’t wanna get my hopes up. Mm-hmm. We’ll see.
Jamie: Yeah. Well tell us, how was the pregnancy? ’cause you looked fabulous for sure.
Ch-a: Thank you.
The pregnancy. I think was better than probably what, even 20-year-old experience. Mm-hmm. I mean, I did have some standard pregnancy stuff, like, you know, I was tired and I went through that, but I didn’t vomit. Not one time I didn’t get swollen.
I didn’t have high blood pressure. I didn’t have gestational diabetes, like all these things that they weren’t about with standard pregnancies, nevermind geriatric pregnancies. I skipped all of it. It was a fantastic pregnancy. So much so that I miss being pregnant. I’m like, oh, I wanna do it again. When I see pregnant women, I’m like, I get jealous.
Uhhuh see their bellies. I’m like, Aw, I wanna do it again. I had a really good pregnancy, which is the other part of the story, because that’s the other thing. When you have, you know, your pregnancy over 35, over 40 or over 45, it’s supposed to be rough.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Apparently not necessarily.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s awesome.
So tell us, were you working out? What was your diet like?
Ch-a: Sure. So again, leading up to the pregnancy, this go around, I I, about a month and a half I had spent just handling my dad, passing in, in a state and affairs. So I was not working out necessarily. I would go on walks to kind of console myself, but there was no fitness routine.
I was actually pretty run down, kind of running on fumes probably, you know, out of just necessity. But there was no real attention on physical fitness. But I was taking a lot of supplements because my, my rule for myself, even prior to my dad is if I am not sleeping and I’m not particularly eating well, I need to take supplements.
Like, I can’t let them all fall out. So I was heavy on B vitamins. I’m a big B vitamin proponent because B one keeps away anxiety, keeps away, nightmares, keeps away any kind of negative thoughts that may creep in when you’re going through stress. Mm-hmm. So I was heavy on vitamin B one and vitamin B complex.
B complex is good for the nervous system. It’s good for metabolism. So lots of B one, lots of B complex. Because I was in and out the hospital, I was heavy on my zinc for immunity, heavy on vitamin D for immunity because we’re still kind of in this blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. Mm-hmm. And so we know that the d, vitamin D and zinc were good for just keeping your immunity up, so have you on those.
And I take my vitamin E ’cause it’s, it’s good for oxygenating the blood. So tho those would be the main ones that I would say B one be complex. Vitamin E, vitamin D, zinc. Oh. And of course vitamin C. Mm-hmm. I was really like downing those to keep my, my physical health up during the stressful time.
Mm-hmm.
Jamie: That’s So you probably weren’t working out very much at that time?
Ch-a: No. My workouts consisted of, you know, hauling furniture, yard sales, estate sales, and like I said, and taking lots of walks. Yeah. Just to kind of keep my own, you know, mood up. I’m a, you know. Yeah. Big proponent of long walks when you’re not happy.
Jamie: And what about your doctor? ’cause you just moved to clear water. Mm-hmm. How did you, how did you find a doctor in that process?
Ch-a: I posted in some groups that I’m a part of here locally in Clearwater asking for recommendations. Mm-hmm. So a couple of ladies had chimed in on the OBG office that I wound up starting with. So I started with one OB office that I would just go to for my annual pap, and they, and they saw me through my first miscarriage. But when I conceived that was a different game and I started asking around and learning more about natural birth and opted out of the OB clinic that I was with and went with a birthing center.
Jamie: Okay.
Ch-a: And went under midwife care about halfway through.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. What was important to you?
Ch-a: What was important to me was a natural birth. Having choices and having a choice for a water birth and being in an environment where that was, was held most important over everything else. And because I was in the age group that I’m in, I wanted to still be granted respect for my birthing choices.
And so the birthing center was where I thought that I could get that the most, but don’t get me wrong, the birth, the OB clinic that I was with was fantastic. Like they backed me up. They were great, but they operated out the hospital and they didn’t have water birth option. Mm-hmm. If I went there and I was a little bit nervous about being pressured into c-section unnecessarily, like I didn’t want to be pressured into unnecessary medical interventions if I didn’t have to be.
When all was said and done, I did wind up having a c-section delivery like I did wind up having to be transferred to the hospital. And you know what? They were amazing. It was a lot better than I could have hoped for. So it was kinda like the scenario that I was trying to avoid I landed in anyway.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: But I did go with the birthing center with the hope to be able to have a natural delivery.
Jamie: Yeah. You’re speaking my language ’cause that’s the route that I’m going also. Yeah. I love to hear that.
Ch-a: And so here, here’s my advice and we can talk later about the full story, but I will say when you do conceive, because I am cheering for you that you do and for all other ladies, when you do conceive or if you are currently pregnant, when you get around that due date, kick your feet up and be rested.
That was where I fumbled my ball. I, I was able to stay at home and be rested. And the day that I went into labor, I was tired. Gosh, I was tired and I didn’t have enough sleep and I went into it exhausted and I didn’t get enough sleep and I couldn’t hold food down. And I believe in a way I sabotaged my own natural delivery because I wasn’t ready for it.
Jamie: I love that advice. Be rested. That’s really good. It’s
Ch-a: hard ’cause some, you know, you wanna get up and do things like you’re already, I wanna say kind of like physically burdened if you will. ’cause you’re carrying this load and you’re tired. And if you’re kind of like, it’s still like a type a kind of dominant go-getter, wanna do stuff like me, there’s always like, okay, well I can rest later, I can take a nap later, but I just wanna do this one thing, or I just wanna do that one thing.
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down. Because labor is labor and if you’re doing it where you’re not so fresh, you know, not in your twenties anymore, not in your thirties, you’ve pushed past a a point where you have these other tanks to maybe pull into, sit down. Be lazy. Netflix it up.
Jamie: I love that. That’s great advice. Yes.
Ch-a: Yeah. Trust me.
Jamie: And what about finding out the sex?
Ch-a: I wanted to know right away. Mm-hmm. So I found out the sex through very early on because they have all these types of tests that you can do to test for the baby’s chromosomes as well. Like, are there any chromosomal abnormalities? Like I wanted to know all these things upfront.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: And so with those tests, you can also find out the sex. So I, I found other sex at 12 weeks, I want to say. Like I didn’t have to wait a long time.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: That was important to me because I wanted to be able to speak to her for who she is.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Give her more an identity.
Ch-a: An identity. Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: I love that. Did you find out through ultrasound?
Ch-a: Now I’m a traditionalist. You know, I’m kind of like, yeah, no, you’re a girl. Yeah.
Jamie: I love that idea because I kind of don’t wanna find out. But I also love like, getting to know her and that’s part of who she is.
Ch-a: It’s part of the bond. Yeah. It is part of being able to have a full communication, but I think parents each work it out in their own ways. Like having the surprise is fun as well too. Yeah. You know, I do like in pregnancy to being like Christmas, you know, like you’re mm-hmm. You got this date that’s coming. You can’t wait to unwrap your package and Sure. Not knowing the gender is part of that game. And so I understand why, why parents choose to go that route too. Mm-hmm. And have it be a surprise and it’s, it’s all individual, you know? Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah. I love that. Mm-hmm. Was there any, any product or anything that helped you through pregnancy that you could recommend
Ch-a: Iron. Specifically in the third trimester, I started to get very rundown. Mm-hmm. And a friend of mine who’s a, a nurse, recommended that I get my, my blood levels checked for iron. And I was just borderline anemic. And I took a product Fluor Fluex. It’s a liquid iron supplement. And it was amazing because it didn’t constipate me, you know?
Jamie: Oh, oh yes.
Ch-a: So, yeah. That, that was a big, big deal. Mm-hmm. Because you’re already struggling in that department,
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Ch-a: Anyway. And so that, that really did help with my energy levels and making sure that you take it in concert with vitamin C.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Because
Ch-a: iron needs vitamin C to absorb. So if you just take that Fluor Dex without also taking vitamin C, not as effective. So that’s my advice. You know, you can take that. Obviously always consult with your doctor. ’cause if your levels are fine for something, then don’t go supplementing something that’s already fine.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: But if you do find that you need to take iron, I found that that one worked really, really well.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: There was that early in pregnancy, I took nutritional yeast for energy. I was very fatigued early on, and I don’t think it was an iron issue, but nutritional yeast is a natural source of your B vitamins. Hmm. And so that one really helped with my first trimester fatigue and got me up off the couch. And kinda my nausea, like I constantly felt nauseous. I never threw up, but there was always almost like, like you’re on a boat, like the threat of something.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Gonna
Ch-a: happen, but never actually vomiting, but just queasy and nutritional yeast handled that. How did you eat it? I mixed mine in with orange juice.
I would just take it like a shot. Nutritional yeast is used by vegans and vegetarians as a, as a cheese substitute.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: I like cheese. I’m like, this is not cheese. Like I’m not sprinkling this on macaroni and calling it cheese. It is, does not taste good to me. So I would just mix it like in a little glass with some orange juice and just chug it down.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Just get it down for nutrition and not for taste or anything else.
Jamie: Just make it easy.
Ch-a: Just make it easy. Just, it’s almost like just hold your nose.
Jamie: She’s holding her
Ch-a: nose. Hold my nose, chug it down. But if you happen to think that it’s a lovely cheese substitute, then you can sprinkle it on salads and macaroni and cheese and popcorn and la la la.
I just didn’t enjoy it like that. Mm-hmm. So I wanted to get. But I would take it twice a day, morning and night, because it also made a difference with my sleep. So let me rattle this off. Nutritional yeast in my first trimester handled my fatigue, handled my queasiness, and helped me so that I could sleep through the night.
Jamie: That’s one thing that does all that sounds really great.
Ch-a: That’s what it did for men.
Jamie: Yeah. Mm-hmm. That’s awesome. Yeah.
Ch-a: Now women who are outright vomiting because it’s not super yummy, may have a hard time getting it down. And so that may not be the solution, but I would say give it a shot. ’cause it may help with other things.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: How much did you take the recommended dosage? So whatever the, the scoop was in the bag. Oh, tablespoon or two, whatever. Mm-hmm. They come with scoops, you know?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: So I would just dump that I didn’t do any more or less than what was recommended.
Jamie: Okay. And how, how did you prepare for birth and baby to come?
Ch-a: So I, you know, went to the birthing center and so a lot of my preparation involved a lot of self-care, a lot of checkups, like I opt, like I opted to do every single test that they offered. Some women may not like that, but I, I didn’t want any surprises because of the fact that we are older.
If she was going to have any kind of physical abnormalities that she was gonna need extra care. I need, I wanted to know that upfront. Mm-hmm. We needed to be prepared for any and all eventualities, no surprises. So I did all the blood work all the ultrasounds, like I opted for that. So that was one thing that I did in preparation.
Now as far as like, you know, nursery and and setting up her room. That was interesting because I had to move my mom out here. And so mom is in a room that we would’ve been able to use for the baby. So she’s in a room with us. So it’s been like an IKEA project. Like how many ways can we rearrange this to make her fit like we are looking at moving. Because this home, that was just he and my partner. Mm-hmm. You know, like all this space, like it was great. Suddenly shrunk. Yeah. Like grandma came, baby came…
Jamie: two more people, two more people like that house. Yeah. Makes the house shrink real quick.
Ch-a: Makes the house shrink. So now the house definitely looks like Naomi Bill, like our living room.
Like, oh my God. It’s just like, okay, because it’s the baby grows, you have to buy all these learning toys and things for her to do. So I digress because we’re talking about preparation for birth. So for those parents that have to try to make it all fit in one room. Join the club. You’re not alone, which is fine. Because it’s nice to have her in the room with us. So we bought the bassinet and we figured out all the ways, like how can we position this bassinet? So we bought the bassinet, we bought the stroller, we bought the playpen. And this is a funny story too, because he started purchasing things after the 12 week ultrasound.
He saw, like in the 12 week ultrasound, she was shaped. And this is interesting ’cause at nine weeks she’s a blob. You know, just kind of like a little, you can kind of see a head, kind of see a eyeball, kind of see these little arm nubs by 12 weeks. There’s a head, there’s a nose, there’s defined arms. Like it’s amazing how fast she grew. He saw that ultrasound and he was like, the baby is coming and next thing I know there’s a stroller, there’s a playpen, there’s a baby keric. Because he was like, I don’t wanna wait till the last minute. You start buying these things now. I was like, oh, you’re buying all these things and what if I don’t carry her through the term, you’re gonna resent me and blah, blah, blah. So dramatic. So he was the one that started prepping, whereas I wanted to drag my feet and make sure, ’cause I don’t wanna have all these things in the house. He spent all this money. Mm-hmm. And what if it, he was like, whatever this baby is coming. Like he was way more confident about it. And he was the planner, not me.
I was just like,
Jamie: that’s funny. So he was like that at 12 weeks. Where was it for you that you were like, I’m really having a baby.
Ch-a: So that’s funny. So there was a website that I would go to to track my weeks, right? Like the milestone of the pregnancy. So there was 13 weeks. That was a big relief. Like the chance of miscarriages, like markedly decreases. So I’m like, okay, okay, that’s great news. The 20 week ultrasound was where I had a big sigh of relief.
Mm-hmm. Because no more, you know, no abnormalities found, right? Mm-hmm. Like, she was great. I mean there, there was one abnormality with her heart, but it was like asymptomatic, like something about her heart aorta, but nothing that was like life threatening or anything like that. Just something to know, wow, big relief. But here’s the deal, you never are allowed to relax because there’s always this, but there’s a threat of stillbirth. There’s a threat, you know?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: So there’s always this thing, but at 20 weeks there was a big relief. Then, I wanna say somewhere, I think it’s, it’s 23 weeks, maybe 28, where the baby can survive outside the womb if born prematurely. Mm-hmm. And whatever that milestone was, was when I said, okay, we made it like, it was like a big, like, okay baby, even if you have to come early, there’s a chance for you. And that was the week where I said, okay, we’re doing it. We’re doing it.
Jamie: That’s beautiful. Oh, what about cravings?
Did you have any, oh, tell us
Ch-a: steak. Steak. Steak. I ate, I should said beef. I ate more hamburgers and more steaks in this pregnancy than I had in my entire life. Like, I was not what you would consider like a heavy carnivore.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: You know, like that. There have been periods in my life where I would like go vegetarian and just cut meat out or eat very little meat and certainly not a lot of red meat.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: This Naomi was like, where’s my beef? Like, I would crave beef and nothing else would do
Jamie: uhhuh.
Ch-a: So, and that’s still like, I still am eating like a lot of red meat, not as much as when I was pregnant, but still a lot more than I did prior to pregnancy. That that was the biggest craving. I didn’t crave sweets.
It’s not like I needed lots of ice cream and I didn’t like junk food particularly. It was really like lots of fruit, lots of citrus and lots of meat
Jamie: that,
Ch-a: that was the deal. So I, I, I figured if that’s what I’m craving, that’s what she wants. So let’s do it. I got a healthy girl, so. I guess that was the right thing to do.
Jamie: Yeah. It’s so interesting how that happens. Like, I wonder if it has to do with the iron in I,
Ch-a: that would be my guess. Mm-hmm. The iron and the protein. Mm-hmm. The protein to build the body. Yeah. So, you know I’m glad that I didn’t have any funky cravings. ’cause kind of like if you get those, ignore those and just listen for the healthy ones.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Yeah. And I think that’s also why my pregnancy went so well. I didn’t eat a lot of junk food and I did have the second trimester honeymoon. So I was at the gym. I was at the gym. I’d be at the gym at like five in the morning, five 30. ’cause I didn’t, she was started kicking and so I would wake up mm-hmm.
You know, and not be able to sleep. So I would just get up and go to the gym and workout. So we were like at the gym workout, you know, or I would do some yoga in the morning. So the second trimester was where I did get my fitness in
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Ch-a: And so, yeah, so it was good fitness and good nutrition.
Jamie: I love that.
Ch-a: Yeah, it was great pregnancy.
Jamie: Did anybody comment that you were pregnant at the gym?
Ch-a: You know the funny thing is I wasn’t showing so dramatically. Like you would almost have to do a double take mm-hmm. To catch it. And in fact, there’s one day, or this older guy, you know, sees me in the gym and I wave at him, you know, black man gym.
I’m like, Hey brother, how you doing? You know, do my, did my brother acknowledgement? I go to, he finds me a little bit later in Jim, so what’s your name? I’m like, I’m cheating. He is like, Hey, I’m whatever Joe. I’m like, nice to meet you Joe. He’s like, did he ask me for my number? It was something really bizarre, but somebody who knew me was watching this like like a, a friend of mine also worked out at the same gym.
He comes, he’s like, so, hey, how’s the baby coming along? You know, he like ran interference on me because he could see I was being hit on and I like, yeah, I’m 20 something now. And he like, oh great. Oh, okay.
Jamie: That’s h So
Ch-a: actually get much commentary about my pregnancy status, but also at that, that morning, that early morning people are kind of, when you have people at the gym working out that early, it’s ’cause they’re trying to get in and out. So everybody’s kind of like in their own tunnel vision zone and not a lot of comments about me being in there. Yeah, but that didn’t last at, at, at about the seventh week I canceled my membership and got on the couch. I was really tired.
Jamie: Well, is there anything else about your pregnancy you wanna mention?
Ch-a: I think the thing that I want to reiterate is to get into your mind a positive attitude about your pregnancy and to use my pregnancy as a good example of how it could be.
Because I think there’s a lot of attention on how bad pregnancy over 35 can be. Nevermind pregnancy over 45. I had a fantastic pregnancy. And so there’s kind of like this, not only can you possibly conceive after the age of 35 or after the age of 40, conceive naturally you can also have a relatively easy pregnancy.
It does not have to be a disaster apparently, because mine wasn’t like, I just kept being surprised about how well things went during pregnancy, during pregnancy. I want to advise ladies to just shoot for an ultimate that it can all go pretty well and, and to really shoot for that and keep your supplements in and exercise when you can as you can, and just don’t listen to anybody who tells you about how hard it has to be. It doesn’t have to be, and don’t let people treat you a certain way because of your age.
It’s like, you know, stay as active as you can for as long as you can and listen to your body and eat well. You know, don’t give into those cravings that may be kicking in. Really, really do, do yourself a service and eat your greens and get your protein from where you can. Like I’m, if you’re a vegetarian or a vegan, I’m not gonna tell you to go eat meat, but definitely, you know, find your protein sources and just keep a good diet for yourself.
And you can have a fantastic pregnancy, like a 20-year-old, that’s the biggest thing that I, I want to push for always maintain hope. Part of my conception story is the fact that we did discuss getting pregnant. It wasn’t like we, we never talked about getting pregnant because, well, we were having unprotected sex and I was still having a period, so I was like, you know, we need to talk about this because even though the chances are not high that we can conceive, it’s not out the possibility, you know? And so we did talk about it you know, were we willing to have a baby? And the answer was yes.
We were willing to have a baby. And we did decide together that due to our ages, we weren’t gonna put ourselves through IVF or anything like that. Like we didn’t wanna build ourselves up into big expectations about having a baby. We just decided that if it was going to happen, it had to happen naturally. And if, like people would ask like, Hey, so do you guys wanna have a baby? Are you gonna have a baby? ’cause people, our friends liked us as a couple, you know, they’re kind of really rooting for us as a couple. And, so we would say, yeah. And I would joke like, yeah, if some bean can come along and scrape a good egg off the side of my uterus and work with it, by all means he or she can have at it. Like, that was my joke. Scrape the egg off the side because I like, I know I stuck there by now. And so we were always very light about it.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: We were always very lighthearted. We had no must have that we have to have a baby, but we also were responsible to discuss it. Like, I didn’t want it to be one of those things where, ooh, I got pregnant and then I found out that, oh, he didn’t really want a baby. Mm-hmm. We were just being irresponsible and having unprotected sex and now I found out that he actually didn’t want it. So, you know, we did remove that. Like we did, you know, discuss that. If it did happen, we wanted it to happen and we, and we would be responsible for it, but it just had to come naturally.
That was our only rule. We are spiritual people. We do believe that babies are, are beings before they arrive. I don’t know whether a person is religious or spiritual or whatever. Most of us can’t agree that there’s a body, but then there’s us, there’s a spirit. And just because it’s a baby doesn’t mean that there’s no spirit connected to it. And so we decided that whoever came along and found us to be a happy home would have to work with our, our resources. So they have to work with his sperm and they have to work with my eggs. And that brings me to the word sperm. Does make me wanna say something.
Jamie: Okay.
Ch-a: This is, this takes two parents.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: So I think ladies, you know, there’s a lot about the eggs. There’s so much about the eggs. Like I joked about my eggs being old and scrape the egg off the side of my uterus. But that sperm has to be healthy too. That’s right. The sperm has to be healthy too. That man has to be healthy too, especially if he is over 40.
Like men go through their own changes with their hormones and testosterone levels. And my partner had on his own been managing his own testosterone levels because he had physical evidence of low testosterone. So he had all along been taking testosterone supplements and, you know, we were talking about that.
We think that that helped. Like he was working on his own health, he was taking his own supplements. And one of the things that we talked about in that I talk about on social media is how to prevent miscarriages. And one of the things that I read was that vitamin E is an excellent supplement to prevent miscarriages, but it should be taken by both the man and the woman.
Jamie: I love that.
Ch-a: You know. Yeah, so it’s it’s an important thing. You know, if hubby is at home drinking or smoking cigarettes or things, he may have to look at his healthy choices too. It’s not all just about mama, daddy has to do his part as well. And so I think that we both were, you know, just trying to be healthy people and doing things that were making us healthy, and it allowed us to conceive that the man must do his part.
Ladies, make sure that you do your research on his hormones and his health and get him making healthy habit choices too.
Jamie: That’s such a good point. Thanks for sharing that.
Ch-a: It is very exciting. I want to just tell all ladies, you know. This journey is so worthwhile and it’s worth going through whatever it is that you’re going through to make it happen. I do say be fair to yourself. You know there is a biology, you know, there is, there is a clock, right? That our bodies are female bodies may say no more healthy eggs. It’s not good for you to try to have a baby. And there are a lot of ways to have a baby, whether adoption donor eggs, things like that. So be willing to become a mom in any way possible because it is the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. I had no idea how much love there is to be had until I had a baby. It is a new kind of love. It is a special bond, and you learn so much about yourself and you learn so much about life. You understand your own parents more when they say you’ll understand when you become a parent one day. It’s true. It’s so true. I champion the process of becoming a mom. Whatever that looks like for you.
Jamie: Beautiful. What about a birth plan? How did you decide with the birthing center, it, you wanted a natural labor? So where did it start?
Ch-a: Sure. Well, it started, I wanted a natural labor one. My mom had me naturally, so I’ve long been a proponent of that, but I’m also very opposed to drugs of, of any sort, like even over the counter, things like that. So I really wanted to avoid an epidural and, you know, anything that would involve me having to inject unnatural substances into my body, that was my goal.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Obviously ultimate goal is get the baby out by any means possible, but that was what I wanted, that was my goal. So you know, I talked to friends in my community and just kind of surveyed them in. The birthing center that I chose was one that a lot had been to. Mm-hmm. It’s interesting, like I’m surrounded by a lot of ladies who have had babies recently and a few over the in their forties. So I’m in like a very safe community for that.
Jamie: Fun.
Ch-a: So that’s how I chose my birthing center. And then I took birthing classes. We took the Bradley method birthing class.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Which is a, is is about fa father coached birthing, so the father’s very involved in the birthing process and has a role and has a hat on how to help you deliver naturally. So that’s how we got educated. Fast forward, I carried two term. I got her to 40 weeks and I was very anxious about getting her delivered because again, I was still being faced with the conversation about the threat of stillbirth and carrying her too long and then having to go to the hospital and blah, blah, blah.
So I started getting, started trying to do things to make the baby come. And so I was taking evening primrose oil and other supplements, and I was inserting primrose oil vaginally to help loosen up, you know, the mucus plug and get that process going. Ultimately, I got membrane sweeps, which is where they go in with the fingers and sweep the membrane to try to break it.
Mm-hmm. So I got that done one time. It did get me dilated. I got that done at 39 weeks. They were willing to do it a little bit earlier for me due to my age. Mm-hmm. So I got it done at 39 weeks, got me dilated to about three centimeters, but I didn’t go into labor. The next week I went in for my next visit.
We did the membrane sweep again because you can get it done more than once, and about an hour and a half later, my water broke. The funny thing is, is I was at CVS buying cash to oil in case the membrane suite didn’t work. Then the next day I was gonna do cash to oil and I was sitting in the parking lot of CVS.
I had just bought it and, and I keep laughing ’cause the clerk kept saying, do you need a receipt? Do you need just, I said, no, I don’t need a receipt. It’s fine now. I don’t need a receipt. Soon as I walked into the parking lot, bought, got in the car, my water broke. So I can’t ever return to casts oil.
Jamie: Want a receipt?
Ch-a: Yeah. Yeah, because I didn’t get the damn receipt anyway. See I’m sitting in a car, get, start the engine and all of a sudden this gush of water comes out. And I would say about an hour and a half after that I was in active labor, like it kicked in pretty fast. ‘Cause she’s gonna want some milk. So yes, I went into active labor very fast and I was hungry and tired. So by the time I got food into my system, I couldn’t hold it down. I threw it up. Ugh. So now I’m in heavy labor. I’m tired with no food ’cause I can’t keep food down. I get to the birthing center around midnight.
I’m exhausted. I try to sleep. I try to sleep. It’s hard sleeping when you’re having contractions. Like, like we kind of slowed the labor down. The, the drive to the birthing center was very rough and uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. Just, you don’t realize how sensitive you are to everything until you’re actually in labor.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: So that slowed the labor down, which allowed me to try to sleep. But I’m in and outta sleep. It’s not a comfortable sleep. The next morning would try to get me some breakfast. Okay, good. They gimme some cash to oil. I’m like, okay. We get the contractions back going and I’m like, I can do it. I can do it. And then I throw up again, Uhhuh, I throw up the Castro oil, I throw up the breakfast, I throw up everything. Now the thing about your water breaking is you have to deliver within 24 hours at the birthing center else. They get you to the hospital. And at about 22 hours, I started fantasizing about the epidural.
I was exhausted. I was like, I just, I was like, I knew, I was like, I’m not gonna deliver her within the timeframe here. I can’t deliver on a clock. I need to sleep and I need to be able to hold food down. And so we made the decision to throw in a towel to transfer to the hospital. And by in between, transfer from the birthing center to the hospital. Naomi Pooped. And so I had meconium, like I had on like a, depends or whatever. ’cause you’re leaking a lot during la labor’s disgusting. Like there’s all kind of body fluid falling out everywhere. You’re pooping, you’re farting, you’re vomiting. It’s like, it’s horrible. It’s the most demoralizing, not beautiful experience.
So anyway, so I go in my, depends and they pull it down and a nurse can see that there’s now meconium where there wasn’t at the birthing center. So somewhere in transit, Naomi went into stress, but okay, so they gave me the epidural. And after the epidural, you know, we’re watching her and her heart rate starts dipping.
Okay. So we do some things to kind of get it back up and then it crashes again, and then we get it back up and then it crashed. And the nurse like, and we’re watching her heart rate, like she’s, you know, she’s talking to me, she’s kind of letting me know what hap what’s happening. And then there’s a point where Naomi’s heart rate crashed so low.
She flips the monitor away from me and she hits a button. And I said about like, five ladies in blue show up. And I was like, okay. When there’s an urgent situation like that. One of the things my birthing instructor her in her class, she says, listen, when the doctors are consulting you and talking to you about things, it’s not urgent.
Right. Like, you kind of still have choices. She was like, when there’s an emergency, they stop asking questions. And when the nurse flipped the monitor from my face and hit the button and the lady said Blue showed up and that like that fast. And in that number, I knew we were done talking. And a doctor showed up and he was done entertaining my ideas.
’cause he was kind of like, as soon as we showed up, like you’re looking at a C-section scenario. And I was like, see here we go. In the hospital they used don’t wanna gimme in a C-section right away and blah, blah blah. So I was like a little bit in discord with the doctor at first.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: But when the urgency showed up with the nurse and she called the doctor in and I saw Naomi’s heart rate crashing.
I said, let’s get her out. Because prior to labor, I had been going for weekly non-stress tests. I knew what her heart rate looked like. Like I was familiar with the heart rate monitor. Every week I had been seeing her heart rate and I know what it looks like. And when it was dipping into 60 range, I said, that’s not my baby.
And okay, let’s go get her. Like I’m done.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ch-a: Done messing around here. We take her out.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: And so that’s what happened. And I swear the C-section process is so interesting because I remember they announced, we get to the operating room and they announced the time 5 0 9. 5 0 9. Like there’s an agreement you get to the door, what’s the time?
It’s 5 0 9. Her delivery time was 5 29. Like they are so fast with these C-sections. Like it is unbelievable.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ch-a: And so I. You know, that’s how we wind up having her. And that’s, they say the best laid plans sometimes, you know? Mm-hmm. Things don’t go your way, but at the end of the day, you just want a healthy baby.
And that’s what I have. So she’s healthy, I’m healthy, and you just gotta do, at the end of the day, whatever gets you your baby. Yeah. And be flexible on that and not beat yourself up because everything didn’t go to plan.
Jamie: Yeah. And, mm-hmm. How how far out are you from birth? Are you three or four months?
Ch-a: She, she’ll be four months on Thursday. Four months on Thursday.
Jamie: Let’s talk about the postpartum if you can, a little bit. Sure. Okay. Mm-hmm. How was your recovery?
Ch-a: My recovery I think was great, but I will say this, I don’t know why women go in for scheduled C-sections if they don’t have to. You know, if there’s a medical reason why you have to, then of course I understand, but. Because women wanna know the timing of their birth and stuff like that. I don’t know why c-section recovery is not fun. And what sucks about it is you are not as available to your baby, I think as you might be able to be after vaginal ’cause.
And I, and I refer to some rough vaginal births too, where things are, you know, it’s a situation but you use your abs for everything. Mm-hmm. And I didn’t like, even just this motion right here, like sitting in the bed doing this mm-hmm. Was awful. Nevermind trying to reach over and pick up my baby. Mm-hmm.
It was awful. Mm-hmm. It was awful. Like I’m just, it was just so painful. But one of the things that the nurses were very adamant that they saw me doing a hospital that I to do at home was walk. They really push walking after you have a C-section. And a lot of women apparently think that walking is not the right thing to do, but you should walk because it gets the guts going, helps you poop. Which poop is king when you pet a C-section, I can’t tell you it’s, I don’t know if it’s because if your bowels are too compress and it pushes on things and it makes things more painful, I don’t know. But because I was walking, I was able to poop, able to pass gas and that actually helped things heal a lot faster.
So even when I came home, I would walk and I’ll share this with you as well too because it all is very interesting. I was very proud of my pregnant belly and I like being pregnant. People are so nice to you and they wanna smile at you and wanna know all about it. And then I had the C-section and I’m all bandaged up and you know.
I kind of look pregnant, but maybe I just have a gut, you know, you can’t, by looking at me, you can’t really tell, you know, what’s my circumstance? And I’m walking around the corner taking a walk and I’m limping, right? Kind of shuffling along and kind of hunched over. And I was just crying because I was like, this sucks. I was like, now I just, you know, I don’t even really look pregnant. I just look like I have issues, you know, because it just, it just wasn’t like, it definitely is an emotional thing, you know, because you don’t have the baby inside of you anymore and then it’s just physical recovery and it’s not glamorous and it’s not fun and you’re not glowing anymore. At least I wasn’t, you know, at that moment. And I couldn’t, you know, interact with my baby fully the way I wanted to.
But, ’cause I was walking, I recovered fast. Everyone says, stay away from stairs, stay away from stairs. But I live in a three story townhouse. That was not an option for me. Lauren, her dad had to go back to work. Like we delivered her on Thursday. He was back to work by Tuesday. Wow. While I did have a lot of friends show up and help, there’s only so much they can do.
So by necessity I got right real quick. So I was going up and down stairs every day. Not a lot and very slow, but I made my way. Mm-hmm. I made my way very fast. And so, you know, by six weeks I was pretty good to go but if you can deliver vaginally, if you can, I would say go for it. You know, ’cause that c-section is like, it’s a guaranteed, like you’re, you’re on the bench, you know, vaginal delivery. You have a shot of being able to just stand up and walk out.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You do. Yeah.
Ch-a: Yeah. You have a shot at it. C-section is pretty, is rough.
Jamie: Yeah. Mentally. How were you in your recovery?
Ch-a: Great. There’s something about me and that is I’m always gonna make sure that I’m happy. I’m always going to make sure that I’m happy and I’m always going to do things to make sure that I’m in a good space mentally.
So that means I ate well. Mm-hmm. Took my supplements, like I didn’t come off my pre prenatals and I stay on my B vitamins and I took lots of walks and I had a good friendship circle. My girlfriends showed up in mass because my family is in California. The only family I have here is my mom.
My mom is, she’s of an age where she needs her own level of care. Mm-hmm. Like, she actually has not been able to be much of an assistance for me with the baby, which is his own story. Like, I have a geriatric mom who physically, you know, she can walk around and take care of herself, but mentally is not the grandma she would’ve been just a few years ago.
I’ve had a lot of help from friends who live here locally. They’re like sisters and so they would show up and, and bring me food and, and help me with the baby so I could shower. So that would help me mentally. And then Lauren is an amazing father and when he comes home, he is hands on with his baby.
There’s been a couple of days where he would come home and she would just be screaming at me, like just, and he would hear it and he would drop his bags and come straight up, take her from me. You know, give me a minute. If I need to take a walk, if I need to do anything, he gives me the space to do it. And I think that’s very important.
I understand that some women don’t have very supportive partners in that way, and the men can be too hands off or too, you know, the baby is your department. And I can see how that can contribute to a lot of sadness because I would be very sad if I couldn’t for a moment in time, take a breath, or if I had a partner who didn’t validate me. Like he very, he’s always tells me, you’re doing a great job with her. You’re such a good mama. You’re such a good, he’ll, pat me on the butt. You’re such a good mama. You’re such a good mama. You know, and so all these things combine, you know, my personal attitude, my personal good habits about my mental wellbeing, my personal friendship circle, and then my partner make this so that it’s a, it’s a beautiful experience. I’m not gonna say, there’s not days where I’m not like overwhelmed or like, Ooh, this is hard. Of course there are like, yeah. But it’s not to a point where I’m sunk into anything. There are moments for me, they’re, they’re moments of sadness, moments of, am I doing enough moments of whew, you know, okay, this is harder than I thought, but they passed.
They don’t stick with me.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. That’s really good.
Ch-a: Yeah, it’s important. It’s important not to let it stick with you. You better do something very fast. Mm-hmm. If you feel like these moments are sticking with you, get your supplements up, get your food in, get your diet in, get your girlfriends in, get your pastor involved.
Go to church. Try not to be put on some drugs and things like that just yet. I’m very adamant mamas, they may tell you that pregnancy is a mental disorder. It is not. Or you know, postpartum depression. I think postpartum depression like is a thing. But I think that there’s a lot of things that make it that way that are not, that you’re mentally wrong or broken. Mm-hmm. You’re tired, you’re hungry, and your man is not kicking in like he should be. Maybe that baby is really draining on you or maybe you’re having hormone things and so please, like, just make sure that you’re kind of ticking off all these things first before you believe that there’s something mentally wrong with you. It’s a physically stressful process.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ch-a: That will make the best of us suffer at any point in time. And so, you know, just make sure you’re taking very good care of yourself and getting the support that you need from trustworthy sources.
Jamie: Yeah, that’s great advice. Now, earlier you mentioned you were breastfeeding. Mm-hmm. How was that?
Ch-a: I’m so lucky. I, I’ve been so lucky up until recently, she latched right away. Oh, good. The nurses in the hospital were great with helping me get her learn how to latch and things like that. Mm-hmm. So we have had a wonderful breastfeeding experience. In our first week, she did stop latching briefly.
I took her to a prenatal chiropractor the very next day, and he did adjustments on her. Mm-hmm. Even in her mouth, they adjusted some things.
Jamie: Really?
Ch-a: Yes. Interestingly enough, like the body is designed to handle almost every eventuality. Mm-hmm. So when the babies are born vaginally Right. They come out with the cone shaped heads and the, and the skull is supposed to re kind of reshape itself.
Mm-hmm. When you have a c-section baby, the skull doesn’t properly go through all the transitions that it’s supposed to.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Isn’t that interesting?
Jamie: Yeah.
Ch-a: And so she comes out with this perfectly round head and la la la but nature doesn’t get to take its own natural course. So she got some adjustments and they looked at her tie, you know, they, these ties right. That can cause. Latching issues. They kind of worked on her mouth a little bit and I wound up not having to get her, her ties cut and she latched back on. Only recently now are we kind of going through a thing where she wants mommy to lay in bed to feed her and that’s it. She loves sidelines. She doesn’t wanna sit up. She just wants to lie in bed and be fed. So that’s a new thing that we’re working through.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: And so I’m back with the prenatal chiropractor, just ’cause she’s got some tightness in her diaphragm and they’re doing some adjustments to make sure there’s no pain reason or is she just being stubborn. So we’re working through that one now. But she is feeding and if you see her, she, she looks well fed.
Jamie: Good.
Ch-a: Yeah. Breast smoke is king around here. She loves mommy’s milk.
Jamie: Do you plan to have more kids in your forties?
Ch-a: I want to so bad, but I don’t plan to.
Jamie: Okay.
Ch-a: I want to so bad. I miss being pregnant already and she’s already not a newborn and I wanna do newborn again. And I would love for her to like grow up here with like sibling and la la la. But I think that would just be a lot for me. Okay. I think it would be asking too much for myself.
Jamie: Okay. What has been your biggest challenge being pregnant in your forties?
Ch-a: I think my biggest challenge is ha has been noticing how physically I’m not as up to it as I thought.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: That my back hurts a lot. Like she is growing, like she’s doubled in size, right. So now she’s almost 15 pounds, maybe she is 15 pounds now she’s heavy. And that hurts my back a lot. It hurts my knees. I went into pregnancy with knee pain and I got some physical therapy for it, but carrying her up and down stairs is breaking my back and my knees. And I think that that also has to do with age. And I was not as physically prepared as I realized I should have been.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. And maybe
Ch-a: if I was younger, I would’ve just innately been stronger.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Makes sense. Yeah. There is a physical demand with this that is more challenging than I thought.
Jamie: Yeah. Is there anything you recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth in their forties?
Ch-a: Yes. Make sure your man wants to have a baby one and make sure he wants to have a baby because it’s one thing like, yeah, you know, he wants a family, but does he really want to be involved with a baby? I think you really need to sort those things out ahead of time. Like what is his vision about parenting when you have a newborn?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: You know, does he wanna be hands-on? Does he think it’s his job to be hands-on, really work out what his involvement level is with the baby, and I didn’t, shouldn’t say his in this day and age, if it’s a female partner, you know? Mm-hmm. Whomever your partner is. Sure. Sort that out. Don’t wait till the baby comes and learn the hard way that your partner doesn’t think it has anything to do with it. Mm-hmm. That’s the first thing.
Two have conversations ahead of time about what if the baby, if we find out. You know, the baby’s gonna have down syndrome or things like that. What is your goal or game plan if you find out about that, right? Mm-hmm. If you’re pro-choice, you have choices about that, right? Here in Florida, we, you have six weeks to make a decision. Well, okay, these are the, you have to talk about these things because they’re real circumstances.
Are you prepared for twins? Which is also kind of why I, I get a little bit skittish about trying again, because what if it’s twins?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: I’m not ready for twins.
Jamie: I’m like, bring it.
Ch-a: Yeah. But apparently, like the older you get, the greater the chances there are for twins. And I think that’s the case with IVFs too, right?
Like you have a greater chance for multiple births. Are you really ready for that? Like, are you ready for triplets?
Jamie: Yeah.
Have that conversation. Yes. We have that conversation quite a bit.
Ch-a: Yeah, it is an important one. Yeah, it’s an important one. And then just on top of that, yeah, I would say be physically fit. Like I think like I’m a healthy lady and look, you know, like I, that’s right. I see your guns. I ran track. Yeah. I, I, I had, I ran track through college, like I was always an athlete and so I think even through my forties I’ve kind of been benefiting from all that hard work I’ve put my body through, through life.
Like literally from the age of eight through my twenties, I was a competitive athlete. And so my body I think, reflects that. And so I’ve been able to do some things through age and look good through age, work out, like get in the gym and start getting your body ready. Do not go into pregnancy if you can help it with preexisting physical conditions.
Okay. So if you’re overweight, I would say try to come down and wait, handle your weight. Because if you, if you have pregnancy is only gonna exacerbate what’s wrong.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Like even if you are healthy, pregnancy might give you some things to be wrong, you know? Like I didn’t have high blood pressure, now I do. I wasn’t a diabetic, now I’ve got gestational diabetes. You know, my, my joints, you know, didn’t hurt, but now they do. Pregnancy is hard already. So if you’ve got difficulties with your body, get them fixed to the best degree that you can before getting pregnant.
Jamie: And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant if you could go back?
Ch-a: The biggest piece is, is just, you know, my pregnancy went so well, so I, I have no, I think I did great. The biggest piece of advice was to kick my feet up in those, in those last few weeks, when you’re getting around your due date I would’ve, I would’ve made sure that I was more arrested so that I could have the laborer that I worked so hard to have. And then I, I really do feel like I sabotaged my own labor and delivery process.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ch-a: So for me, that, that would be the, the thing. And that was it. I think I did, I had a really good pregnancy, so I wouldn’t change anything else. I, you know,
Jamie: I love that.
Ch-a: Yeah. I wouldn’t change anything else except for just see it through to the inch here.
You did everything great. You did everything great, and then tripped at the finish line, tripped your own shoelace at. So, so that’s my piece of advice is, is you know, really take heed when they say rest.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: Rest, eat well. Yeah. Eat well. Going into it.
Jamie: Yeah. You’ve given such great advice. Do you have any last words for those women trying to conceive in their forties?
Ch-a: No that it’s possible no matter what anybody says, I’m here to tell you that it’s possible. And not only is the pregnancy itself possible, a healthy pregnancy, a drug free pregnancy, a hospital stay free pregnancy is possible.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Ch-a: How do I know? Because I did it and I did it without even trying. Mm-hmm. And I think that that’s not a bragging point. It’s a hope point. It’s a hope point for ladies that is just like, it is so possible that it can go very well for you as well as it could have if you did it in your twenties. It’s possible.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s awesome. You are so amazing at sharing your story on Instagram. Will you tell us more about where everyone can find you?
Ch-a: Yes. So I’m on Instagram and my handle there is pregnancy over 40 with 40 spelled out as a word. So F-O-R-T-Y. Pregnancy over 40. Instagram on TikTok. I’m pregnancy over 40, but the number four zero. And I, I share more of my story on TikTok. They just have a longer form format. Like I can record for 10 minutes on TikTok, so I can share more there. So if you really, really wanna follow along and get all the dks, TikTok is where it’s at, but I do. Try to do separate posts on Instagram as well so that it’s not just total duplicate of everything. So if you don’t wanna go to TikTok, that’s fine. I do share probably about 85% of what’s on TikTok is also on Instagram. And in due time I’ll be on YouTube as well, working on that.
Jamie: Ooh,
Ch-a: that’s, that’s where I’m at. I’m having a good time. I try to be honest about the ups and downs along the way, but keeping it very lighthearted and se and not so serious and not depressing. I have like the happiest pregnancy page you would ever wanna find.
Jamie: Well, Ch-a, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Ch-a: Thank you for having me here. I really appreciate that you reached out to me. I’m glad that we persisted and I’m wishing you so much luck to get yourself a baby over there ’cause it is the greatest joy and you’re on the right track.
Jamie: Thank you.
Ch-a: You’re very welcome, Jamie. It’s nice to meet you.
Jamie: Nice to meet you.