061. After serving as a surrogate and believing her family was complete, Ashlee couldn’t shake the feeling that one more soul was meant to join her home. Discover how she navigated the transition from surrogate back to mother at age 40, balancing the needs of a newborn with her four older children ranging up to age 15.
On episode 61, Ashlee shares her unique perspective on motherhood, having experienced pregnancy and birth across three different decades of her life. After welcoming children in her 20s and 30s, and even serving as a surrogate for her fifth pregnancy in 2020, Ashlee felt her family was complete. However, a lingering feeling that “someone was missing” led her to plan for one more baby at age 40, bringing her total to five children ranging from a newborn to a 15-year-old.
Ashlee dives into the practical and emotional realities of starting over with a infant while navigating the needs of her older children. She discusses the faith that guided her decision to expand her family later in life and shares her expert tips and tricks for successful breastfeeding after 40. Whether you are curious about the transition from surrogacy back to personal motherhood or looking for inspiration on managing a large, multi-generational household, Ashlee’s story offers a heartfelt roadmap for embracing family at every stage.
About the Guest
Ashlee Gruno is a dedicated elementary school principal and mother of five who has experienced the joys and challenges of pregnancy across three different decades. After welcoming her first four children and successfully completing a surrogacy journey in 2020, she realized her own family had room for one more. Now a mother to a infant as well as children aged 8, 10, 13, and 15, Ashlee brings the unique perspective of a high-level educational leader to the conversation of 40+ motherhood. She joins the show to share her journey of faith, her passion for breastfeeding advocacy, and how she balances the demands of leading a school with raising a large, vibrant family.
Connect with Ashlee:
- Instagram: @ashleegruno
Key Topics
- Decades of Motherhood: The unique experience of having babies in your 20s, 30s, and 40s.
- The Surrogacy Shift: How the experience of carrying a baby for another family changed Ashlee’s perspective on her own family’s completeness.
- The “Someone is Missing” Feeling: Identifying and honoring the intuition that led her to a planned pregnancy at 40.
- Breastfeeding Success Over 40: Practical tricks and advice for nursing an infant while managing a high-energy household.
- Large Family Logistics: Tips for balancing the schedules and emotional needs of a newborn, elementary-aged children, and teenagers.
Resources & Links
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
Instagram: Follow Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant
YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Recommended Products: Magnesium Body Lotion & Bio Oil & Haakaa
Shop More: See ALL products recommended by our guests!
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Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant with Commentary
Transcript
Jamie: Ashlee, welcome to the show.
Ashlee: Thank you. I’m so happy to be with you. Thank you for inviting me.
Jamie: Ashlee is coming on today to share her pregnancy story at 40. Before we get started, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Ashlee: Sure. I am 40 this year, and I turned 40 in March, and I had my s- sixth baby in July.
I have a three-month-old, and I also have a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old, a 10-year-old, and an eight-year-old. Then my sixth pregnancy was actually in 2020, and that was a surrogacy pregnancy. So not technically my biological child, but a sixth pregnancy nonetheless. ‘
Jamie: You’ve first started having kids in your 20s, and you haven’t had a single miscarriage.
Ashlee: No, I haven’t. Yeah, my first child, she was born, I was 24. I turned 25 like two weeks later. So I had two in my 20s, three in my 30s, and then him at 40.
Jamie: A surrogacy. How did you come to do that?
Ashlee: After the birth of my fourth child, my son I had three girls and then one boy. He was- the last one as far as I felt and knew in my heart. I thought that, we were done with our family. I loved being pregnant. I always had easy pregnancies. I just enjoyed the whole process from start to finish. Carrying a baby and going through everything even labor was, something that I just really enjoyed.
It just got stuck in my mind. I think I saw, some things on Facebook maybe here and there. Instagram has brought, a new vehicle for things like that, where you can follow people who are going through the process. And it was just on my heart, and I just thought, God, if you’re leading me towards this it has to be on you. The pieces have to fall into place.” And I just actually ended up seeing something online for an agency, and matched with a great, wonderful couple out of Jacksonville. We just had a lot in common. And it was just really, I thank God, because it all fell into place. It all matched up perfectly.
We lived about an hour and a half away from each other, so it was real convenient for me to go back and forth to the fertility clinic to do the transfer all of that. We’re great friends, even to this day. It was just one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever done. People say, “Oh, you sacrifice so much. You’re, that’s such a awesome thing to do.” But it was a real blessing for me, and to have them in my life forever, and to know that I helped them grow their family is just, it’s just one of the things I’m most proud of. And they have a three-year-old little girl, and she is beautiful and perfect, and it makes me so happy to see them so happy, and I always just thought, if I were in that position and I needed someone to help me build my family, I would want someone to do it for me. So it all just fell into place and worked out, and it was a wonderful experience.
Jamie: Yeah. It sounds really special.
Ashlee: And I don’t think I realized going into it, like how emotional it would be and how like intertwined our hearts would become really, because it’s just such a intimate process and you just have to trust the other person so much. Because you’re dealing with all these things that are usually very private and intimate with just you and your partner.
And to have to trust someone else to carry your baby that’s a lot. I’m so grateful that they trusted me to bring their daughter into the world.
Jamie: With the surrogacy, the first transfer worked no problem?
Ashlee: It did. It did. I think they had two embryos when we went into the process, and so we had talked about that, think they were gonna try the two, and then if they didn’t work, we would sorta regroup and see if she was gonna do another retrieval and freeze more. I don’t feel comfortable sharing their whole story, but-
Jamie: Sure
Ashlee: I think I will share that. We were really blessed that that first transfer worked.
Now, I did have a few issues with my lining. It’s backwards to work with someone who gets pregnant pretty easily. Then have to fake the process with- different things. At the clinic, they put you on birth control first to kinda reset your body. Then I had to take estrogen and progesterone and what else was it? Lupron shots just like any other woman who is going through IVF.
My body did not really respond well to some of those medicines. We actually went to a very low dose estrogen protocol, and that’s what actually finally got my lining thick enough for transfer. ‘Cause I was having a thin lining, I had fluid on my lining, and they said that, my body just wasn’t responding well to those hormones that were supposed to prep my body, but were not, that protocol just was not working for me.
We could finally got the A-okay for a transfer with a low dose hormone protocol and, got my lining to I think a seven or a eight, and then transferred one embryo. Luckily she stuck, and had a pretty easy pregnancy from there.
Jamie: Wow, that’s really impressive.
Ashlee: Yeah.
Jamie: After that pregnancy, how did you feel about your family? Did you still feel like it was complete?
Ashlee: I did. After I had her I did not feel any sense of emptiness. I didn’t feel like anything was missing or lost at that point, which, I had worried about that because any time you’re carrying a baby, you’re connected to that baby. You’re, obviously emotionally invested.
I just asked God to prepare my heart if that was part of my journey, and he truly did. I was never sad. I was never empty. I never felt anything but joy in that pregnancy’s postpartum stage.
It wasn’t until a good probably two years later where I even thought about maybe even having another baby really. I don’t think my latest baby was due to surrogacy. I still felt complete and still happy with my family the way it was at that time. And my husband was done. He wanted two kids. I wanted six. I always wanted a big family. We settled on four. That was the middle ground, and four is a nice even number, we were good with that. My heart just started this change, and I felt like maybe there was someone still missing we kinda went for it.
Jamie: How long did it take?
Ashlee: My son, who was the baby, the only boy. He was in first grade, and every Christmas they write letters to Santa, and they publish them in the local newspaper. So the Christmas of first grade for him, I think he was six, he wrote his letter, and all these kids are asking for Xboxes and cell phones and scooters.
His letter is “Dear Santa, I’ve been really good this year. All I want is a baby brother, a real one. Love Henry.” And I was like, we all just thought it was so funny. We were like, “Oh, my goodness, this is funny.” It was in the newspaper. My family all saw it. We just thought what a joke really.
That idea had been just a tiny little seed in my heart, and then the letter just kinda gave life to it. It’s a silly thing, but the more we thought about it and talked about it- I just thought why not? We can at least try and just see.
Our society really does tell you 40 is too old, it tells you that you have to plan your family and have your family early, or you’ll miss the mark, or your clock runs out. And so even then, there was just this fear of even allowing myself to hope for it or dream for it.
And that’s hard to verbalize, but I just was almost even afraid to dream, so it would… We would laugh it off, but in my heart, I really did want one more baby. I finally convinced my husband just to try, I was like, “Let’s just try.” I was like, we’re probably too old, but, let’s just give it a shot.
It it was pretty much similar to our other conceptions, where it was just a month or two of, trying and tracking ovulation a little bit. And a couple weeks later after we were really trying and charting and stuff we did get a big fat positive, and my husband didn’t believe it at first.
After a couple tests, he finally embraced it and came around.
I’m a baby pusher. I recommend to everyone. I’m like, “Have a baby at 40. It’s the best,” and it’s just so special because you realize how fast and how precious life is, and so it’s been a wonderful experience.
Jamie: That’s great. You mentioned tracking and charting. What did you do?
Ashlee: I didn’t do anything too much.
I did use the ovulation, the Clearblue Easy ovulation predictor strips, I think. It just detects your surge. My cycles are pretty regular I was just using that and a calendar and temperature just to pinpoint that perfect day.
I think we tried, maybe the day before, day of, day after… kind of that kind of thing. So maybe two days before, day of, something like that. But that would’ve been last October.
Then we found out we were pregnant, probably around Thanksgiving, and then we told our kids around Christmastime- last year.
Jamie: And what were you thinking when you saw that positive test?
Ashlee: I just felt such gratitude, then I also felt fear, because while I haven’t ever experienced a loss that’s another thing they tell you, as you get older those chances do increase. And so I was scared.
But I think that’s with any pregnancy. Your mind races to worst case scenario, even though you’re trying to stay positive. I think that’s a way of protecting yourself.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ashlee: I felt all the things, but mostly gratitude and surprise that it did happen pretty easily. I think that it’s easier than society and kinda popular opinion will let you know, especially if you don’t have any documented, issues from the past. If you’ve had a baby I’m thinking that it’s probably not as hard to have another one at 40 as doctors and the public make you think.
Jamie: How was your pregnancy at 40?
Ashlee: So my pregnancy was pretty smooth. I would say, I’ve always had pretty easy pregnancies.
I’ve had just a few little things here and there. I swelled up real bad with my third pregnancy. My fourth pregnancy was pretty easy. I was, I think I was 33 at that point, 32 or 33. I would have carpal tun- carpal tunnel with him. Everyone’s really kinda different, but with this last one at 40 I could tell a little bit of difference in my energy level.
I’ve never had morning sickness with any of them. I think that’s another reason why I’m like, “Oh, sure, okay, I’ll do it again,” because I’ve never had any morning sickness that’s a good thing. With him, I did have a little bit of bleeding early on, like around seven weeks so that was kinda scary.
I did go into my doctor, and it was an SCH. It was like a subchronic hemorrhage, which is just kinda like a little blood bubble, and they’re very common, and they can cause light bleeding to heavier bleeding, but baby was fine. They did monitor that. And of course, when you’re 40, they label you right off the bat advanced maternal age, and you go to all these extra appointments. Really towards the end, I was seeing my OB twice a week. The amount of point- appointments were definitely different.
Everything else was pretty much the same. I gained a little bit more weight with this one, but I, again, I just think maybe I’m older, i’m not quite as active as I used to be. I did really try to be very conscientious about, what I ate, how much water I drank. Tried to stay active as much as possible. Maybe a little bit more tiring, but overall, another pretty easy, smooth pregnancy.
Jamie: And what about your doctor? Did you go to the same OB that you used for all the others?
Ashlee: Yes, I did. I had a midwife with some of my natural deliveries but when I did have the surrogacy pregnancy, we had to use an OB, so I used an OB there in that same practice. He was great. He’s really one of the best. But I was really nervous about having the C-section because she was breech. And I also had a little bit of late third trimester bleeding ’cause I had a really low placenta in that pregnancy. Everybody says that he’s the best at the C-sections. They call him the plastic surgeon, so I have a tiny little scar. It was scary, but he was great. The team was awesome. I had a great support system, which is really important.
Then with this baby with- with my pregnancy at 40 he recommended, a repeat C-section. He felt most comfortable- … with that based on how many, pregnancies I’d had, my age. Everything looked fine. I feel like I probably could have had a successful V-VAG with with Bennett, but it was really the best thing for my health and for the baby to just go ahead and do a planned C-section.
Jamie: Was there any products during pregnancy that helped you that you could recommend? Let’s see.
Ashlee: You tend to buy more than you need, it’s a big baby business. It’d been eight years since I had a baby of my own, so I was out of the loop, asking all the moms at work. We had six babies at work in one year at my school. I’m an assistant principal. We just joked there was something in the water, ’cause it was just like boom. One after another. I was the last one, so I was, asking all the cool young moms. We didn’t have those when I had my kids. I had to get, in the loop.
But pretty much the same stuff, you just don’t need a lot. Pregnancy I did get some magnesium lotion, ’cause I would have leg cramps at night. I’ve always had real bad leg cramps with my pregnancies, so that was a lifesaver.
I’m a big believer in bio oil for stretch marks. I don’t have any stretch marks six kids later. I don’t know if that’s just genetics, or my bio oil has worked all these years.
Jamie: And did you find the gender out while you were pregnant?
Ashlee: I did, and that was another thing that was new for me. So there’s this thing called SneakPeek and it’s it wasn’t around in 2015 with my last baby. Back then we’d have to wait till the anatomy scan at 20 or 18, 20 weeks.
But with this one, another cool young mom told me about SneakPeek. And you order the kit online, and they send you a little lancet thing, which is just a little needle thing that you poke in your arm. You mail off your blood sample, which is a little weird. But- Whatever. And then they analyze it, and you get an email a week later, and you open it, and it says, “Congratulations, you’re having a boy,” or, “Congratulations, you’re having a girl.”
So it was definitely a new way of finding out, but I was super excited, ’cause, I was just ready to bust up and start prepping and planning. And I knew I wanted to know, because like I said, I have three girls and one boy. And so to me, four girls and one boy was gonna be the reality, or three girls and two boys would be the reality, and I just needed to know early on. It was right before Christmas, so I wanted to buy some stuff at Christmas.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ashlee: It came in. I opened the results with my girls. I couldn’t even wait for my husband to get home. When we opened the email, I just screamed. I was like, “Henry, you got your little brother, like you asked for in your Santa letter.”
And then I told my husband that night when he got home with some boy balloons and a little note. It was fun. It was a different way to find out, and it was really fun. Yeah, through email. Yeah, through email. It’s 2023, jaime.
Jamie: I know, right? Not the 1900s anymore.
Ashlee: Not the 1900s, like my students say.
Jamie: Did you keep a lot of your baby clothes? Was that an issue?
Ashlee: Oh, yeah, I kept nothing, ‘ cause like I said, I was done. We thought we were done. And I would say that’s a word of caution that I have for people. Sometimes you think you’re done, but life has other plans.
I do know people who have gotten vasectomies or their tubes tied, and, they regret it. Because in the moment, it seems, yes, I’m 100% done, my family’s complete. You just really never know how you’ll feel in a couple years, yeah. Y- your heart may change, and your life may change.
And I’m just so glad I- ’cause I, of course I ask you every time, do you wanna get your tubes tied, or do you wanna do something permanent?” And I’m glad I said no, because, back then I would’ve said I’m 100% done, but I’m glad that, I wasn’t quite done yet.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ashlee: And I’m glad God had o- other plans for us.
Jamie: Yeah, or he wouldn’t be here today.
So how did you prepare for him? Yeah, let’s see.
Ashlee: Of course, prayer was important to me to prepare myself, and my heart, and my family. But we, we talked about it with the kids. They were all excited. Before we chose to even try to get pregnant, I did ask my older kids, ’cause I have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old, and one thing I’m really concerned with is making sure I have time for everybody.
In this day and age, especially if you work, that’s a… it’s a big family, and I just always wanna respect every stage that they’re in, and just give them the best of me and their dad. We talked about, even before we had him, with them, what it might look like to have a baby in the house, and another sibling to share, Mom’s time with, Mom’s attention with, and they were all on board. They were super excited about the possibility.
We did try to prepare our family. I know I had him July 5th, and so I was off of work. I think I took off, a week or two before that, I stopped working. And I just made it a priority to spend one-on-one time with each of my kids, and I try to do that anyway, and then, like a daily life. But right before he was born, it was just super important to me. So with each of them, I think we took two days each, just me and them, one-on-one, and it was just kinda like a yes day. “What do you wanna do today? Do you wanna go eat at Waffle House? Do you wanna go jump at the trampoline park? Do you wanna go thrift store shopping?” Whatever they wanted to do, I was there, and we talked about the baby. We talked about, how when you have a baby, your love doesn’t divide, it just multiplies, and that I would always be there for them, no matter what. So I think that was the big… a really important thing to do with all of my older children, too.
Jamie: Yeah, that really is important, ’cause I’m thinking about getting prepared with stuff, and- … a nursery, and all that stuff. Yeah. But it’s so good to really consider the other people in the family, and how they’re gonna interact-
Ashlee: Yeah
Jamie: … if it’s the… if that’s the right word. But yeah- Yeah, I think so
consider their feelings is really important. I love that
Ashlee: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, and maybe, the stuff was important, but not as important as-
Jamie: Yeah
Ashlee: … how they were gonna, how their home dynamic I knew was gonna change. But they’ve been really awesome through all of it.
And I did buy the stuff. My school had a, had a great baby s- baby shower for me. It was so sweet. Which, on your fifth baby, you don’t usually have a baby shower, so it was so nice. But I didn’t have anything, and, we were starting all over, so it was just so lovely to be showered by all my teachers and, everybody that I work with, my work family.
And then we have a lot of great baby sales, consignment sales around here. So I didn’t buy a ton of stuff new. I bought the travel system. I got the crib for 50 bucks at a consignment store. I bought some, sleepers. I like the little cotton sleepers. They have these little magnetic sleepers now. I bought some of those. We, we did the stuff, too, but more important to me was, my people.
Jamie: Yeah. And how far along were you when you had your C-section?
Ashlee: I was 38 weeks and five days. Okay. My doctor liked to do it around 39. It was a holiday week, so 38 and five was, right where he wanted to be. He didn’t want me to go into labor naturally just because, there were some risk at that because I’d had a C-section previously. My son was 8-4 I feel like he was ready, and he was right on time.
Jamie: I love that. Did you have a birth plan going into that? What did that look like?
Ashlee: I had to have the repeat C-section, so it took away some of my autonomy- in a birth plan. And, I was conflicted the whole time do I look for another OB who might give me a VBAC option, or, do I do this? I was back and forth, but I just kept praying on it, and I just felt like the VBAC, or the C-section, the repeat C-section, was the right choice for me and my baby.
They have something called a soft C-section, which was something else new I learned about. What’s that? I’ve learned that you always have something new to learn.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ashlee: And you’re like, “Okay.” So a soft C-section is where they can lower the lights, they can play music. You can still do skin-to-skin. They know that, yes, it’s a surgery, and yes, it’s a sterile environment, but you wanna make it as intimate and, gentle, as you can. They were great about that. They did… I didn’t ask for them to lower the lights, ’cause I’m like, “I need you to be able to see everything- that you’re doing.” But I did ask if I could possibly get skin-to-skin r- right when he came out, and they were great about that. They were like we have to see how you’re doing, how your-” how coherent you are, but they were able to pull down my hospital gown and put him right there on my chest, and my husband helped hold him.
He was on there, the whole time that they were sewing me back up and all that stuff. So it was really lovely. I didn’t feel that separation. I didn’t feel like, “Where’s my baby?” Yeah. He stayed with me while they finished that up, and then, they took him to finish his vitals and stuff, and then he met me in the little recovery room, and we were able to nurse right away.
He latched on right away. I was concerned about that as- … as well. Yeah. ‘Cause I know those, I guess they call it the golden hour, where it’s just that hour right after birth where it’s just so important for you to bond and establish nursing. And so I was able to still get all that even though I had a C-section.
It really wasn’t a birth plan, but I had communicated to my doctor and then my nurses that morning that’s the experience I wanted. Yeah. And I got it, and it was really a wonderful experience even though it was a C-section. It was great.
Jamie: Wow.
Ashlee: I had… It was a perfect morning, really.
Jamie: How was your recovery?
Ashlee: I’m not gonna lie and say that it was so easy, ’cause a C-section is painful. It’s definitely a birth, and it, it’s a major surgery. I think they cut into seven layers it’s not a walk in the park.
And with my first C-section, I didn’t have a baby to take care of, so that was my surrogacy pregnancy. Her parents were there at the hospital with me, which was wonderful. I did get to see her and touch her right when she came out. But then she went with her parents, and that was okay ’cause that was the plan and I was prepared for that.
And of course, she came to visit. They had their own room, and they would bring her to visit me and all that. I didn’t nurse her. I didn’t even pump or, give milk for her. I could just really focus on myself, and it was a breeze because I didn’t have to see about a baby.
I was really concerned with this one because I knew that I’d have a baby to take care of, like most moms who’ve had a C-section. My husband was there every step of the way. He stayed with me in the hospital the whole time. I stayed an extra day in the hospital just because I was gonna take all the help that I could get.
I think that was great. That made a big difference. Like really, with a C-section, every 24 hours you feel so much better than the 24 hours before. Even that extra day in the hospital just meant the world for me as far as recovery and feeling good. The first 48 hours are pretty rough.
But my hospital was great about, staying ahead of my pain and being really kind and helpful with my nurses, and everybody was just so great. I just had a great staff. I was really well taken care of. I had no complaints. And they really respected my desire to breastfeed only and for my baby to be in the room with me the whole time. I wanted to room in. I didn’t want him in the nursery as, as much as possible.
Of course, they have to take him to do tests and stuff like that. But I really just wanted… And I think that’s just a biological instinct. Want your baby close to you as much as possible. With my husband there, we made it work. So it was really a pretty easy recovery.
And once I got home, again, he was very supportive. My big girls were very helpful. My friends and family and community. I live in a really small town. But people from our church, our families, so many people sent food all the things, that you want and pray for in a community, I have. So it was really great.
Jamie: I can see it being a concern in my mind. Sure. That you didn’t breastfeed with your surrogacy, so the concern to me would be like, oh, my gosh, is my body gonna remember?
Ashlee: I know it’s- But it wasn’t a
Jamie: problem
Ashlee: It wasn’t. So I took a hand pump to the hospital, a manual pump, ’cause, I just wasn’t sure ’cause I guess, the hormone signals are different from a natural birth to a C-section birth. I just wasn’t sure what to expect really.
So I did have my hand pump. But, I fed him pretty much constantly just to kinda give my body those signals “Hey, your baby is out. He’s here. He needs to eat.” So I was just feeding him constantly, and then even on the other breast, I would kinda use that hand pump, not a lot, but a little bit.
I was surprised, like my milk came in really quickly. Like with my surrogacy, my milk didn’t come in till like day three at home. But with this baby, my milk came in the hospital still, like probably two or three days after he was born. So day three at home would’ve been like almost five or six days after she was born, but it came in early at the hospital, so much to the fact that I had to ask for syringes for them to freeze my colostrum, and I went home with a big old bag of 16 vials of colostrum.
Jamie: Oh, my gosh.
Ashlee: So I don’t know what. I guess my body knew. My body was like, “Okay, we got this.” But, I don’t know if the hand pump if expressing kinda manually a little bit as he was nursing just kinda put it into overdrive. I don’t have an oversupply or an undersupply. I just kinda produce, right where, what he needs.
But it was really easy. It worked out. It, I guess my body knew what to do.
I swear by my Haakaa. These things are a lifesaver. I do breastfeed. I try to breastfeed all my children until, two, so I knew that was gonna be really important for me with this one.
Jamie: What did you hold up? I don’t even think I know what that is. I’m sorry.
Ashlee: It’s called a Haakaa. It’s it’s a breastfeeding milk catcher,
Jamie: oh.
Ashlee: So when you nurse the baby on one side… He’s not nursing, but he’s asleep. You just stick this on the other side, and it collects the milk.
So it’s not really a pump, it’s just a milk catcher, and it’s just been, like, the best thing with this one. I don’t know if they didn’t make them in my earlier ones, but I certainly didn’t know about them.
Jamie: Now, how do you get the milk out of the other side?
Ashlee: Yeah so it’s easy when you’re nursing because your breasts let down and you feel like a tingly sensation.
So when the baby gets on there, after a few seconds they s- they stimulate, and they make your milk come down. It happens on both sides, not just the side that the baby’s on. So I, you, without that, you leak on the other side. You try to press it so it doesn’t leak as much.
So that’s just milk that’s already fallen, already coming. So you just squeeze it on, and it’s just a light suction, and it collects a good ounce or two every time I nurse, if I used it every time. I don’t use it every time. But especially in those early days when I didn’t, I wasn’t pumping, I was just nursing and feeding on demand.
So basically, just whenever he cried, I would feed him. And just having that on there, I had a good 40, 50 bags before I even went back to work at all. So that was wonderful ’cause it was just, always it’s the lazy way, lazy mom’s way of doing it,
I love lazy, though. That’s why I
breastfeed.
Yeah.
Jamie: The easier the better.
Ashlee: Definitely. And with my others, I would try to find a time to pump with an electric pump that you have to plug in and all this stuff. And I’m like, “This is amazing.” I think it’s from Sweden or somewhere. They’re way ahead of us,
Jamie: it seems that way.
Ashlee: Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah. And mentally, how were you?
Ashlee: Mentally, I was good. I think I was still, and I still am, like still in that space of just gratitude. I’m so grateful that I get to have a baby at this age, and one more baby when I really thought my family was complete.
I describe it almost like a bonus baby or a… And Bennett, his name is Bennett, and it does mean blessed, and I just, that’s how I feel. I just feel so blessed that I got to have a baby at 40, that my body was strong enough to do it and to do it, with not many complications or issues or anything like that.
I think my message would be just to be hopeful, and then if and when it happens, just walk in gratitude. I would never complain or anything like that because I was just so grateful that I got a chance to be pregnant at 40.
Jamie: Oh, that’s amazing. And do you have anything else you want to add to your pregnancy or birth?
Ashlee: Oh, goodness. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve just been kinda rambling, Jamie. I’m sorry. I just talk on and on. But, I- I love my family. I’m so glad that I just had a chance to have as many positive pregnancy experiences as I have, and have as many great children as I have.
I’m proud that I’ve been able to work and have children, ’cause I know that’s, that can be a struggle. I would just encourage anybody just, try to go for your dreams. Don’t be afraid. I know you’re doing that right now, and I just wish you the best. I can’t wait to hear how your story ends.
And sending you all the prayers and baby dusts and all that stuff. And sometimes my husband and I we think about maybe having one more. So if I get pregnant again, I wanna be a repeat guest.
Jamie: Yes, I would love that. So you do think you might even out your five?
Ashlee: Yeah. We think six may just be an even number I don’t know.
We’ll see. And I kinda think he might need a friend, like, all my other kids-
Jamie: Definitely
Ashlee: … yeah, are close. I have what we call the big girls. They’re 15 and 13. They’re 22 months apart. And then we used to call them the babies, but now we call them the littles. They’re 10 and 8. They’re 18 months apart.
And then eight years later, we have Ben, so either he’s gonna be like an only child almost, or we might have him a little friend. Right now I’m just enjoying him as a baby. Yeah. Rushing it. I’m not, I’m not thinking ahead to what if, I’m just taking it day by day. But I think my heart would be open to one more, just because he has been such a beautiful thing for our family.
Jamie: Yeah. I’m sure your body is still healing at only four months.
Ashlee: Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And I, and my doctor, I think the prevailing research is a year between C-sections. But, you know- … then I was 41, and, part of me wonders, i- you know, that fear creeps back in.
Are you too old? Are to get pregnant naturally with my own eggs and all of that. Is that too late? But, I don’t know. I’m not closing that door.
Jamie: Great. And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant at 40?
Ashlee: I think just just being pregnant on top of such a busy established life. Like I said, I’m an assistant principal. That’s a pretty stressful job at times. I have four o- older kids. I feel like a taxi a lot of times. Adding pregnancy on top of all those kind of midlife burdens.
When you’re younger- You don’t have as many of those things that are set in stone, in a way. But being pregnant on top of kind of just the day-to-day stressors of modern life and working life was a little bit difficult. But I felt pretty good. And like I said, even on the days I didn’t feel good, I just tried to stay positive and grateful that, I had a new life growing inside of me. So that was my motivation for getting through whatever popped up.
Jamie: I even worry myself is this going to be a huge interruption to my life? And it’s refreshing here, even though you already have kids, it’s still a little interruption to your life, too.
Ashlee: Oh it will be a huge interruption. But the best, most beautiful interruption you will ever have, and your whole life will… what used to be important, your old priorities, they will all shift and build around this new beautiful, number one priority.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ashlee: It’ll all work out and when it does, it’s a beautiful thing.
So- Yeah … don’t worry about it.
Jamie: I love that. Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Ashlee: I would hope that everyone would have a supportive partner just in pregnancy in general. It would be a hard road to walk. I wouldn’t say, don’t have kids if you don’t have a partner. You know what I’m saying? I would- Yeah … rather have kids myself than wait for the perfect partner. But a supportive partner does make a huge difference. Because it’s a physical walk, but it’s also an emotional, spiritual, anything you can feel, you will.
And it’s just nice to have somebody walking beside you in that. I would say, find a healthcare provider who really listens, whether that’s a midwife, a doula, an OB whomever, but you need a great team. And if you don’t have one, keep looking till you find one. There, there’s no shame in leaving someone you’ve always been with to find someone who really cares and listens to you.
Eat right, drink lots of water. I tried to always eat a lot of vegetables. I tried to, never, took any medicine, anything like that while I was pregnant. I just tried to really- Make my body as strong and healthy as possible. I don’t smoke. I didn’t drink, while I was trying to get ready for him. So just mentally and physically trying to be the best, temple or carrier that you can be to get ready for pregnancy. ‘Cause every little thing help you, you’ll probably need it, and it’ll probably help you just a little bit.
Jamie: Yep. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant, if you could go back?
Ashlee: I told myself, I said, “Really enjoy it, because it’s probably your last one.” Because it very well could be. I really tried to enjoy every day. To not worry about how it was gonna work out, because I really believe that God has a plan, and I believe in God’s perfect timing. Even though you want it right then, maybe it’s not quite the right time. Maybe you want it that month, but maybe that’s not the right month. Maybe, it’s next month, or maybe it’s not your first transfer. Maybe it’s your second transfer. Maybe it doesn’t happen at 40, but it happens at 42. Try not to get wrapped up in your plan, and just trust the plan of God or the universe, whatever you believe in because I do believe that it all happens and works out just the way it should.
Jamie: I love that and Ashlee, where can we connect with you on social media?
Ashlee: I don’t really have a page or anything.
Any of the listeners are welcome to friend me. It’s literally just my name, Ashlee Gruno. I’m super simple. I like technology, but I also, I’m so busy living in the real world and my, my people day to day, that I don’t really have time to, run any accounts or anything like that. Find me, friend me. I would love that.
Jamie: Awesome. Ashlee, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Ashlee: Thank you. I’ve loved talking to you.