92. After a grueling decade of endometriosis and clinical interventions, Selah thought she knew exactly what it took to grow her family. Discover how she moved from the world of intensive IVF to the shock of two back-to-back spontaneous pregnancies at 39 and 41.
On episode 92, we have Selah on to share her spontaneous pregnancy at 41. You might know her for her older mom and boy mom skits on IG or as the voice of Chloe Bourgeois. She started trying to conceive in her early thirties. After three years of trying, she started to be more intentional by tracking her ovulation and temperature, but nothing happened. She went to a fertility clinic for help. They cleaned out her fallopian tubes, scraped her uterus and removed a garden of polyps on her uterus. She was never officially diagnosed, but she had an endometrioma on her uterus. Her periods were extremely painful. Then she had two IUI’s, but that didn’t work. With her three egg retrievals, she only got nine eggs total, so she wasn’t confident. Finally, the embryo stuck with the transfer, and she had her first son at 37. At 38, she wanted to try for a sibling, but after a year of trying, she wasn’t pregnant. At 39, right before Christmas, she email her clinic to let them know she was ready to have another transfer. Christmas morning she woke up only to realize her cycle was late. She found out Christmas Day she was pregnant at 39 with her second baby. Selah didn’t think it was possible to get pregnant at 41.
About the Guest
Selah Victor is a voice actress, content creator, and mother of three based in California. Many may recognize her as the voice of Chloe Bourgeois in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir or for her hilariously relatable social media skits about being an “older mom” and a “boy mom.”
After a decade-long fertility journey that began in her early thirties—including battling painful endometriosis, undergoing three egg retrievals, and multiple failed IUIs—Selah welcomed her first son through IVF at age 37. What followed were two incredible surprises: a spontaneous pregnancy at age 39 discovered on Christmas Day, and another spontaneous pregnancy at age 41. Today, Selah uses her platform to bring humor and hope to the TTC community, proving that even after years of clinical intervention, your body can still surprise you in the most beautiful ways.
Connect with Selah:
- Instagram: @selahvictor
Key Topics
- The Long Road to IVF: Navigating three years of intentional tracking and painful endometriosis before turning to clinical help.
- The “Garden of Polyps”: Selah’s experience with uterine scrapings, fallopian tube cleaning, and the surgical steps taken to prepare her for pregnancy.
- Low Confidence to Success: Managing the mental toll of a low egg yield (9 eggs from 3 retrievals) and the joy of her first successful IVF transfer at 37.
- The Christmas Miracle: Discovering her first spontaneous pregnancy at 39 on Christmas morning, just as she was preparing for another frozen embryo transfer.
- Motherhood at 41: The shock and gratitude of a second spontaneous pregnancy at age 41, proving that life doesn’t always follow the clinical script.
- Humor as Healing: How Selah transitioned from her career as a voice actress to creating viral skits that find the funny in the “older mom” experience.
Resources & Links
Note: Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase. I only recommend products our guests truly love!
Instagram: Follow Over 40 Fabulous and Pregnant
YouTube: Watch Episodes HERE
Circle and Bloom Meditation: https://circlebloom.com/
Jessie Mundell Prenatal Fitness Coach: https://jessiemundell.com/
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Community: Join the Over 40 Fabulous Facebook Group
Transcript
Jamie: Selah, welcome to the show.
Selah: Hi, thanks for having me.
Jamie: And today she is sharing her story at 41. But before we get started, will you share a little bit about yourself?
Selah: Yes. My name is Selah. I am an actress and a mom of three boys, ages one, three, and five. And yeah, A little bit about me. I am mostly known, like I said, as an actress, and I’m a mommy influencer on Instagram and TikTok.
I also, I do stand up comedy, which is all my mom comedy, basically about being a mom of three boys. And so I do a lot of comedy on social media as well. And I recently became a host of a podcast as well, actually.
Jamie: Fun. What’s the name of it?
Selah: Care Credit, it’s for the Care Credit Credit card podcast.
Oh, fun. So yeah, it’s gonna be more about that [00:01:00] soon on my social media, but it’s gonna be really cool. Awesome. And beneficial for moms. I also went viral a few times, which is how you found me, I think, for being an old mom. With Stuart Brazel, we do a lot of old mom content and found this crazy niche community that is growing by the day of many, many, many, many older moms. Older moms advanced maternal age as we like to say. Yes. So it has been really cool to find that community online and feel like you’re not alone. Because I feel like a lot of the times the medical community makes you feel like you’re alone. Like you’re this crazy case of, geriatric pregnancy, uhhuh.
And it’s really not true. There’s so many of us, and I don’t even, I don’t know about you. I don’t feel 40 now. I’m 43, but I, I had my last baby. I was 41, but I’ve turned 42 a few weeks after I had him. And yeah, it just, it feels like for me personally, I don’t [00:02:00] feel like I’m in my forties. I feel like I’m 25, and so to be labeled like I’m this old woman is just ridiculous.
Jamie: But yeah, we, we talked about that. And she was pregnant at, in her thirties and at 41. Yes. I think it would be good to brief over those first two before we get into your pregnancy at 41.
Selah: Yeah, I was thinking that too, because I had my first via IVF. So a lot of times, like you would not believe the comments Stewart and I got on our reels. I mean, you probably saw some of them, which were ridiculous. Like so many things saying, oh, you’re so selfish, you’re so, how could you wait so long?
Put yourself first, blah, blah, blah. But really, so many of us, I don’t know about you Jamie, but I started trying in my early thirties and that is the story of so many people and it just, I have so many years of infertility. For me, I did start in my early thirties trying, my husband and I started trying and it just didn’t happen for us. And we tried [00:03:00] naturally for, I wanna say three years and then we were like. Okay, this is not happening. And we kind of were like trying. And then as the years went on, we’re more like, oh, okay, I guess we should put some intention behind this. I started really tracking ovulation and temperature.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: And all these things. And then like year three, we were like, okay, this is definitely not happening, so let’s go get some help. So we went to a reproductive specialist and basically did everything. I mean, I have been through the ringer. They cleaned out my fallopian tubes. She scraped my uterus. She said I had a garden of polyps on my uterus,
Jamie: a garden, she really said that?
Selah: Literally a garden, a polyps. I know. And by the way, most people get their polyps removed in the hospital under anesthesia. And I was wide awake on I think like one pain [00:04:00] pill, I don’t even remember, but it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced, hands down, worse than c-section, worse than labor. I could not take the pain, like it was so painful and I got like seven polyps removed. It was the worst day of my life. Wow. I know. Also did not help me get pregnant. Like didn’t, you know, didn’t do anything. And then, so finally we went, oh, we did two IUI’s, which if you’re listening, you know, are, is basically artificial insemination. Those did not work for us. And then finally my reproductive specialist was like, you know, I think you have endometriosis. I never was officially diagnosed, but there she found an endometrioma on my uterus. And when she asked me how my periods were over the years, I was like, oh, they’re horrible. They’re horrendous. I thought this was normal. I thought everybody complained about cramps. No. Mine were like, I could barely move, you know? I just remember being like keeled over and thinking everybody goes through this.
I didn’t know. I, it’s [00:05:00] just like nothing I cannot believe I went through most of my life with these period. Crazy. No wonder I did my vbac, which we’ll, we’ll get to, but I did it drug free and everybody was like, it was 48 hours of labor and everyone’s like, how could you take that pain?
I’m like, are you kidding me? That was nothing what I went through every month, four years, you know? Like that was nothing. Wow. So it prepared me for labor. But yeah, that said, I definitely think that was the reason I couldn’t get pregnant now because endometriosis is kind of cured from pregnancy.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Selah: I wasn’t getting that many eggs. ’cause I was older by then. I was 37. So we got, I wanna say nine eggs at first, which is not that, I mean, I have friends that got like 25 eggs, you know? So nine isn’t great, especially because then out of the nine, eight fertilized and out of the eight, only three were viable.
So it just dwindles. Yes. You remember? So I feel like that was why she said, [00:06:00] let’s just keep going with the IVF instead of try to have an endometriosis surgery and hope for the best kind of thing. Mm-hmm. I think she was trying to save me time and money that way. And I thank God she did because we were successful the first time. I know a miracle, but also kind of makes sense with endometriosis because if you’re waiting, if you are able to scientifically get the uterus, the uterine lining to be where it needs to be for the embryo to stick. It kind of makes sense that it worked the first time if that was the only issue.
Jamie: Right.
Selah: So yeah, we were successful, which was such a blessing after all that we had been through. I, I’m forgetting and skipping so many other things beyond the i UIs and the, you know, I mean, I don’t know about you, but I remember going through so many rounds of not getting any eggs because we didn’t do the right level of drugs. Oh, just emotionally. I remember driving in a blizzard because I had went to Sundance. And it was like exactly that time of month that I needed to get my levels checked, so I drove from Park [00:07:00] City to Salt Lake City in a blizzard to go to some random reproductive office for them to check my levels, to text my doctor back at home. And then I was like in random bathrooms at Sundance, shooting myself up.
Jamie: A yes. I know how that goes.
Selah: And this baby was worth it, but it was a lot to
Jamie: So how many egg retrievals did you have?
Selah: If I remember correctly, this is like seven years ago now, but I think we did two or three. Before she, because the first one or two. Were not successful. Like they, we, we did the hormones part, if I’m remembering correctly. And there was like one or two eggs each time. It was really depressing. And then we did it again ’cause we got like the, the drugs, right? And then we got nine. That one I, I’m pretty sure there was two before. I was 36 and then I was 37 when we implanted, so I was a little younger in that regard. But still, again, nine is not that many. [00:08:00] So I wasn’t exactly fertile myrtle, which is why the second baby we tried for a year to get pregnant for a sibling. We tried for a year after I was done breastfeeding. We were not successful.
So finally, I’ll never forget, it was like December 22nd and I emailed my reproductive specialist and I said, okay, let’s put in that other frozen embryo. This isn’t happening and we want a brother. I’m 39 now, or yeah, it was another boy embryo. I knew that. So I was like, let’s put him in 39. It’s not happening.
Then December 25th, Christmas I wake up and I’m like, wait. I was supposed to start my period. It’s, it hasn’t started. It was like a day late, which I was pretty regular, like, that’s weird. Christmas morning I find out that I’m pregnant naturally.
Jamie: Oh, how fun.
Selah: I know it was such a gift. So I surprised my family on Christmas morning and, and my husband, he was like shocked, completely shocked.
And we were driving like three hours to my [00:09:00] family and thinking the whole time, like, I know this secret. Like this is crazy. It was such a Christmas miracle. So yeah, that was awesome to be able to have that gift of a natural pregnancy. And then again, the third pregnancy, I for sure thought that, you know, 39 years old, second pregnancy was a total fluke. So yeah, so I was like, okay. That was a total fluke. My husband’s like, you know, we should really start to talk about birth control after my second was done breastfeeding, and I’m like, you are crazy. I am done. You know, I’m 41 years old. There’s no way we’re getting pregnant after all we’ve been through. We’re fine. I’m not gonna go on birth control and I’m not gonna wear condoms or whatever. Like, this is crazy. And guess what? A month after I finished breastfeeding. Boom.
Jamie: A month!
Selah: Month one cycle. And it was like the craziest, you could go to my Instagram. I should pin this reel actually. ’cause it’s my favorite thing ever is his [00:10:00] reaction to finding out about baby number three. I thought he was gonna see a ghost. I mean, I thought he saw a ghost. He looked like he was gonna faint. It was crazy.
Jamie: Now, at two kids, you were like, we’re done, we’re complete?
Selah: So people ask me this a lot and I’m one of eight kids. So for me, it never felt like we are complete. Like I, I was like, no, we can have another, we can have more. And I always said to my husband, I was like, listen, we’ve been through so much. If God wants us to have another baby, let’s bring it on.
I’m not going on birth control. If this is meant to be, it’s meant to be, you know? It’s kind of like a slapping God’s face to go, you know, after everything we’ve been through, which that is. Poor logic. I understand that now that I have three and we are done having children, I am like, let’s, let’s stop this train.
We don’t need to have another one. So I understand, but at the time I really was like, whatever. My husband was done. Two was great. He’s one of two kids. He thought that was perfect. He was completely done. And of course he’s [00:11:00] obsessed with our number threes. He loves all of ’em. But our number three is just, everybody says number three is like the soulmate of the family. Like just sort of like brings everyone together and it is really true.
Jamie: And now how old is the third?
Selah: He just turned one. Oh wow. A year. I know. A year old. Yeah. He turned, I guess he’s 13 months now. It was March 13 and a half. Oh gosh. Third baby.
I’m like, how old is he? Yeah, almost 14 months. But yeah, he is one.
Jamie: So will you tell us like what that was like finding out and that story.
Selah: Okay. So little TMI, but we all know how babies are made and after the fact I felt this crazy cramping. Okay. So like nothing I had ever felt before and I was, I couldn’t sleep like it was insane, just cramping. And I literally felt like the baby was being implanted in my body. It felt a little like the IVF [00:12:00] surgery. That’s why I knew that that was happening. Because you remember how that felt? Like the implantation.
And the next day you just feel a little crampy, right? . It’s a weird feeling. So it felt like that only even more like it was like heightened. So I called my mom the next day and I was like, mom, this is weird. Did you ever feel any of your babies implanting? Like, I’ve never heard anybody feeling this.
And she was like, no, but you’re pregnant.
Jamie: She knew.
Selah: She knew. She’s like, no, but you’re pregnant. I’m like, okay. But I forgot about that conversation with my mom. I didn’t even tell my husband this about the cramping. I literally just forgot, I have two other kids. You know, I’m busy, whatever. Flash forward, I guess three weeks later, two or three weeks later, whenever my cycle was supposed to happen, I guess two weeks later, and I’m going to a fat burning laser treatment. Okay. Like those laser treatments that burn out. It’s like my second treatment. And before I leave the house, I’m like, I feel a little [00:13:00] weird. And then I remember that weird cramping and I thought. I’m not pregnant, there’s no way. But I had one pregnancy test left in the bathroom, so I grabbed it and ran out the door, and I’m like at the fat burning laser treatment place, and I take the test in their bathroom because obviously like I’d wanna know if I was pregnant before doing a laser on my body, you know?
Jamie: Yeah.
Selah: So I pee on the stick and I’m like, oh my God. I call my friend who’s babysitting my other two , and I’m like, okay, Tara, go in my bathroom. There’s a box of pregnancy tests where it has the instructions read where it talks about a false positive. ’cause I’m pretty sure this is false, but I just need, she’s like, say, there’s no false positives. You’re pregnant. No I’m not. No, I’m not you. I’m freaking out. Like, oh my gosh. I go in the fat burning laser office and I’m like I don’t think I should do this today. I think I’m pregnant. Like, what? So I leave, I go by, go to the drugstore, I buy another test.
Jamie: Of course.
Selah: Of course as [00:14:00] you do. ’cause I’m like, there’s, there’s no way that it’s been in my bathroom forever. Like, I’m not pregnant. I was pregnant of course. So I’m like, and you’ll see this in the video, I have to pin this video of my husband. The kids are like bringing him the pregnancy sticks. And they’re like, yeah, you go here, you go. And he’s like, and I did not film this part, but after I stopped the camera, he’s like, you told me it was impossible. You said it was impossible. I’m not a doctor. It was really funny. So I was right. I did get pregnant that night. I knew it. It was insane.
Jamie: Wild. And you knew that night.
Selah: I knew it. Like I, I’m telling you, I couldn’t sleep. It was so painful. It was crazy. I know that Baby Wild Dead set on coming to this world. We for sure thought it was a girl. We were like, this is our miracle girl. I got my daughter. I’ve always wanted a girl because my mom and I are so close. Like, I just thought I would have a girl. And we go to this specialist appointment, [00:15:00] which is part of my VBAC story. We had to go to all these specialists and I, he took this very clear sonogram where the penis was very prominent. And I was like, I wanted to be, we had a gender reveal party scheduled for that weekend, actually. And I told him like, don’t tell me, don’t tell me the gender. And then he takes this picture and it’s very obvious. I know. I was like, thanks a lot, dude. And of course I’m like, sobbing. I’m like three boys. Oh my gosh.
Jamie: I was gonna ask, how long did it take your husband to turn around and be okay?
Selah: The entire nine months. The whole time was like, how are we gonna have three kids? This is crazy. What were we thinking? What were you telling me? You told me we couldn’t get pregnant. Like I, no. So he was pretty panicked the entire time. And then of course the second Ari was born, he was in love and is still so obsessed with him. He’s just the cutest and he looks just like [00:16:00] my husband to me.
Jamie: Well, let’s get into your pregnancy. How was it?
Selah: I will say all of my pregnancies, I was very blessed. All of them were super easy for me. The only one that had an issue, ironically, was the IV F1. We had a hematoma Oh, on my Ute. Which is very common in IVF. And I didn’t know that until it was happening. That was so scary and so awful. Yes. And I really thought I was gonna lose the baby at 20 weeks or whatever it was, it was insane. So that was super crazy and scary. And I had to go not on bed rest, but I just had to like be very chill for the rest of which is not me at all. I used to be a personal trainer, a group fitness instructor, so I’m like very active, very energetic, obviously.
So yeah, so when this third pregnancy happened, I had already been through it twice, so my body knew what to do and I also knew like what to look out for as far as first trimester was sick, both pregnancies, like most people, but I knew [00:17:00] this time really keep eating, try to keep the snacks coming, and just like preemptively think of things. And then this, the third pregnancy, I actually would say was the best because I already knew what to expect. Yeah. And also I was dead set on having a VBAC because I had had two C-sections with the first two. So I did chiropractor appointments starting at, I wanna say like 17 weeks every week or every other week in the beginning, I think. And then it was like every week, the whole third trimester. I did so much exercise that was geared towards having a VBAC or just having a vaginal birth in general. I did everything pointing towards that. So whether it was like stretching out my hips, deep squats, all this walking elliptical, like anything to drop the baby, I did like the spinning babies to get the baby in the right position. I was like focused. Whereas the first two, I definitely worked out all the time, but I wasn’t as focused on doing stuff that was geared towards [00:18:00] my birth as much.
Jamie: What about products? Was there anything that helped you that you could recommend?
Selah: Like, okay, so in the beginning I was, I always am into those nausea lollipops and stuff like that.
Jamie: Oh yeah. The ginger ones?
Selah: The ginger, anything that was just help that seasickness. Yes. That was really helpful. Oh, you know what? I did use this third one, and that is because I had a hernia, a ventre hernia. Uhhuh. I used a tummy belt. Oh. To really lift my tummy. That really helped. I felt like, especially ’cause the hernia situation. I really needed that support, which was, yeah, that was great. But product wise, yeah, not much besides that.
Jamie: My doula actually recommended the band for my ligament pain, my round ligament pain.
Oh
Selah: yes. Okay. You’re reminding me that definitely works also. Yeah. That I, I [00:19:00] did have round ligament pain as well, and the chiropractor really helped with that. It was a game changer. This third one, ’cause I remember, I think my first one, I did not go to the chiropractor and it really hurt.
Jamie: It really does.
Selah: Yeah, it does. You are so right. I forgot about that. It’s, it’s very interesting, isn’t it too, how quickly you forget. Yes. Like my pregnancies were great. There was nothing wrong, and then you’re like, oh yeah, that did hurt. I forgot about that.
Jamie: Oh yeah. Yeah. All the little pains come back. Yeah,
Selah: exactly. And oh, acid reflux, which you mentioned you had, right?
Jamie: Ugh, it’s terrible.
Selah: Yes, it’s terrible. I had that too, and I just used a wedge pillow, which really helped. That was great to see that.
Jamie: Now for me, it’s during the day that it’s bothers me. The worst.
Selah: Ugh, that is, so I took Tums, I remember doing Tums. Mm-hmm. And I supposedly, those aren’t very, like people said, you should try this other organic one or something now. But I don’t [00:20:00] know. I took Tums. They were fine. The babies were fine.
Jamie: I take Tums and then I take papaya enzymes.
Selah: Yes, that’s what it is. Papaya enzyme.
Jamie: Yeah. The problem is, is the first ingredient is like glucose. So like, oh, I have gestational diabetes, so, oh no. I really have to limit it.
Selah: Yes, you do. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, and this pregnancy, speaking of like different supplements to take towards the end, I was on all kinds of things because I wanted to get the baby out to induce labor, like evening primrose oil. I started pumping two weeks before, like we started. Did you get anything? Yes. I actually got colostrum and I saved it. I froze it. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s brilliant.
Selah: I know. So that was great. I actually recommend that now to everybody. Even if you like, you should definitely pump around week 38, 39, because it also helps your milk to come in quickly. Like, I don’t know why people don’t tell [00:21:00] people to do that. It really, my milk was like flowing each time ’cause of pumping. I had to pump the first two because they were in the NICU Uhhuh. But again, that really helped the milk to come out. So yeah, I would do it around 30. And it does induce labor too, so if you want that baby to come out,
Jamie: I would love that. Let’s talk about your doctor. Did you choose your same doctor that you used with your C-sections?
Selah: No. So I know this is drama. So my first two was a very lovely woman that I really liked to be friends with, right? But in the end, in retrospect, I find that maybe there were some ways that she was a little more c-section lenient or c-section, not happy, but she was just more wanting to be overcautious and jumping to a c-section versus maybe trying other things first.
For example, I feel like I [00:22:00] could have been induced for my second birth. They at like 38 and a half weeks, she said my fluids were really low. And actually I should step back into my first birth. He ended up being 11 pounds. So he was a giant. I know. So in that case, I actually, I did agree with her and I felt like she did the right thing to suggest the C-section.
He was so big. I can’t even imagine pushing him out. And now that I pushed one out, I, I actually did feel relief and peace about that birth and everything was great. He ended up in the NICU though, which was due to the C-section because his breathing, basically their lungs develop as they come in and out of the vaginal canal.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: They get a little practice breathing. Right. And so his lungs weren’t fully developed, so he had to go to the nicu. Plus he was so big, his blood sugar kept dropping. And that NICU stay was just very hard. I don’t know how anybody stays there so long. We were there five days for each, the first day and the second, and it was brutal. Brutal. Wow. So [00:23:00] I know my heart goes out to every nicu, mommy and daddy because it’s just, it’s brutal.
So anyway, flash forward to my second birth. I was determined to do a vbac but I did nothing to prepare. It was the pandemic and I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And so I just said to her, yeah, I’m gonna push this one out. Okay, you cool with that? And she was like, sure. And I think deep down, she knew she was never gonna really let me. And that’s where I felt a little frustrated in retrospect because my fluids were so low, I guess when, on my 38 week appointment that she said, well, we gotta get, we have to get this baby out tonight. And. Because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I should have said, well, let me go hydrate. Let me try to like, you know, get some fluids back. She even offered a IV fluid drip at the hospital, but said, oh, but it’s not gonna work as if don’t waste your time. So I didn’t even try that. I should have tried that, you know? There were just things in retrospect that [00:24:00] I felt were not advised I should have been induced, which she wouldn’t do because a lot of people won’t induce a vbac, but there are plenty of doctors who will, the risk does not go up very high. There’s like not a lot of research or evidence to even say there is a risk basically. I was rushed into a C-section, it was a terrible C-section. All kinds of things went wrong, was very traumatic. She was urgently raising her voice to get more medical professionals into the room because I guess his head had moved when she made the incision and she had to make a different incision. At the end of the day, she did amazing because she saved my life and his life. But it was very scary, right? Like yeah, I was just, I felt for sure one of us was gonna not make it out of there. So I was very scared. And, and it was a lot to recover from that. And he was whisked away immediately into the nicu. I didn’t get to bond with him. I didn’t get to breastfeed right away. Like there was so much that was horrible that I said to [00:25:00] my husband. So, and this kind of goes back to your question, did you know you were done before? So in that, in that moment, I did say to him, we are done. I am not having any more kids.
You forget these things that you say, but I was like, I can’t go through this again. This is horrible. Recovering from a C-section is very hard, and I, I feel like it’s harder each kid because you have another child to take care of. The first one wasn’t so bad, but then the next one was harder.
So when I got pregnant the third time, I was like, no way am I recovering from a c-section with two other kids. I’m not going into an operating room that brings so much trauma into my heart. Like I, I would like shake thinking about it, you know? And, and every time I listened to a vaginal birth story, I would start to cry because it was just something I wanted so bad and had planned for, and it just never happened.
And so when I got pregnant the third time, I thought, oh my gosh, like maybe this is my chance for like this vaginal birth dream to come true. And I know that [00:26:00] sounds kind of silly because some people are like, you’re crazy. Like, why would you wanna rip up your abs and your vagina? You know, like, yeah, you’re gonna destroy your body. But for me it felt like I never even got the chance to try. Like, I never even labored with either baby. Yeah, it just felt like. Really weird and wrong and not, I wanted to at least try.
And so the third one, I did call the first doctor, the C-section doctor. And when the receptionist was like, oh, she’s not delivering babies anymore. And I thought, this is my sign. I couldn’t believe it that she wasn’t, you know, I don’t even know why I called her. I just did because she was my previous doctor.
Jamie: Sure.
Selah: And so when they said that, I thought, okay, this is my sign to try a different way. So I interviewed, I think five or six doctors.
Jamie: Wow.
Selah: And yeah, the first two were like, absolutely not. We will not do a VBAC after two C-sections. It’s not safe. Way too much risk. The risk is uterine rupture [00:27:00] essentially. And you don’t want that obviously. But yeah. But after doing some research, I found out that the risk of a U uterine rupture after one C-section is about 1.8%. And the risk of a uterine rupture after two C-sections, I believe it goes up to almost 3%.
Then there was. Number three and number four, who both said, we will do it with these contingencies. So they were what I call VBAC tolerant because they would do the VBAC for me, but only if I was in labor by 40 weeks. If I if the baby was in the right position, like they had all this list of things. And by the way, my age was a risk factor, which is mm-hmm. Completely not evidence-based. But to these two doctors, that was a risk that I was old, an old mom. So the doctor I chose who was VBAC tolerant, also insisted that I saw a specialist, which was his MFM maternal fetal or fetal medicine doctor.
And if that [00:28:00] doctor, the MFM said there was any risk at all, then this doctor wouldn’t do. Vba. So I had to go to the MFM every, I think it was like every six to eight weeks. And at like my 20th week appointment, he was like, oh, I see a small uterine window in your uterine wall, which is like a tear basically.
And that could be indicative that you could rupture. And the window according to him was like, I think it was like one millimeter thick or something. It was crazy. It was very small, but he saw it. I burst into tears because I knew at 20 weeks this isn’t gonna be better. This problem isn’t going away, you know,
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Selah: And so I knew he wasn’t gonna sign off on it and that he was gonna tell the OB that this isn’t a good idea. So I went to see another specialist that is more VBAC supportive and he said the ultrasound that the first MFM used. Is not [00:29:00] accurate because it, he explained how the ultrasound picture is taken and it will make things look like worse than they actually are for number one.
Jamie: Oh.
Selah: And said number two, a uterine window has never in any study corrSelahted to uterine rupture ever. So there’s no evidence that this will cause a uterine rupture. So he made me feel really good. Yeah. And he also said that the fact that you’ve never labored makes me feel confident that you could do this actually.
Yeah. That your body could do this. There’s nothing wrong you there that you’ve presented in your labor. Mm-hmm. It’s like some people just don’t progress. Some people, but I had never even tried. Yeah. You know, he is like, I see no problem and no reason you shouldn’t try. And he and my doula and my chiropractor all wanted me to go to this other OB.
Who I had interviewed, but I did not love his personality, and I just was like, Ugh. But he is known as the VBAC King. He does high risk birth, birth, he does breach birth, he does twins, triplets, multiples, vaginally, [00:30:00] everything. He goes to Guatemala a couple times a year and literally delivers babies in the middle of the forest like he is phenomenal doctor. Phenomenal. But his personality to me at first. Was lacking. I did not wanna be best friends with him. I was just like, what his, it was just like a bit quirky, if you will. Mm-hmm. He would tell jokes that I was like, why are you joking about this? This is not funny. Like, it was very weird to me. And I’m a comedian, like you would think I would be like, ha ha ha. But yeah, I just, I don’t know. I didn’t find it funny. Plus, I ironically had been in a birth of his before COVID, when they would let people in the birthing room with my, one of my best friends. I got to be her coach and he was the ob and same thing, making jokes and stuff. And I was like, who is this guy? Like, no, thank you. So I did not wanna go to him, but everybody was saying, you need to give him another chance.
Well fast forward to 30 weeks and sure enough, MFM says it’s too dangerous. OB says [00:31:00] you cannot actually. Oh my gosh. I was 32 weeks at this point because I remember thinking I have two months left to find a doctor. Like this is crazy.
Jamie: And you didn’t switch at this point?
Selah: No, because I went, I, I was still like, fingers crossed, maybe the uterine window will look better, uhhuh, you know, so I went to that appointment at 32 weeks with the MFM and the ob. Mm-hmm. And they both were like, Nope. Can’t do it. The uterine window’s bigger. We can’t do this. I’m not gonna sign off. And I was like, what do I do? Because I really liked this doctor personality wise, but mm-hmm. I just was like, oh no, what am I gonna do?
I really was stuck and I didn’t know what I was gonna do, but I went back to that first, the other doctor that everybody says to go to, and I saw him in a completely different light. I don’t know, I just was like, he can get the job done. He is the man for the job. I don’t care about his stupid jokes. I don’t, you know, he is not gonna be my best friend, but he is going to get this job done. [00:32:00] And sure enough, he was amazing. He did not, first of all, measure the baby. You know, how they like, oh, baby’s looking pretty big, you know, at the ultrasound or whatever. None of that. He didn’t tell me the weight. He thought it was, I was worried because my first two were so big. Mm-hmm. I said, do you think he’s really big? And he said to me, how big do you think he is? And I was like, I don’t know. He feels normal. Like, I’ve been really trying to keep my weight down the, you know, not that I even gained that much, the first two, by the way. It has nothing to do with that. But like, in my mind, I thought maybe it did. I don’t know. Yeah. So I, I said, I think he’s pretty normal. And he goes, then he’s, you know, he had no, and I said to him, what if I go over 40 weeks? Because the first two were like, can’t go over 40 weeks. You will yes. Do a C-section, you know, and he said, it’s fine, we’ll just wait and see what happens. Wow. And I’m like, okay. Yeah, because I mean, again, he’s been in the middle of nowhere delivering babies. Yeah. And seeing that it’s fine that a woman’s body knows what to do.
Jamie: But first I wanna go over that you change doctors [00:33:00] at 32 weeks.
Selah: Insane. Insane.
Jamie: Because, you know, a, a lot of people feel stuck at their mm-hmm. With their old doctor, let alone at 32 weeks. I know. So I think that’s amazing.
Selah: Crazy. It, it, it was insane. And the fact that my husband, by the way, shout out to him, he was so supportive. And so, just like, whatever you wanna do, I will support you. Because he knew how important to me this was. And I, I even when the doctor said he wouldn’t do it and left the room, I was like, sobbing. And I, I said, I felt like shame isn’t that weird? Like, I felt like your body’s not gonna do this. You can’t do this. Sorry. Mm-hmm. Like, I just was like sobbing. I said to myself, why do we even get pregnant? Like this is crazy. Like, why? You know? And then, and I felt shame over saying that. Like it was like this whole crazy mind game.
Part of me was like, well what if I were to just go into labor at [00:34:00] home and waited till the very last minute to go into the hospital, like what is he gonna do not deliver the baby? And forced to cut me open. Like, I don’t know, like these thoughts were going through my head and there’s so many people that do home births for a vbac. So I knew that it would be fine if I was in a hospital. My friend had had a VBAC home birth and she was completely fine. But also, you could always transfer to a hospital, by the way. Yes. But I just felt like if I was starting in a hospital under the care of a doctor, yes, there’s some risk, but I mean. It’s not like I’m in the middle of the woods.
Jamie: Right.
Selah: You know what I mean? Like, yeah. We have everything we need at our disposal. I did not feel like it, I’m not a high risk person. This was, to me, the most calculated risk that mm-hmm. Was possible. You know? So all that to say, I felt very comfortable going ahead and changing. Do like I wasn’t as scared, changing and going forward with my plan as I was to stay with him and have a [00:35:00] C-section. Yeah, that makes sense.
Jamie: Yeah, no, I love that you said it’s a calculated risk. Yeah. I think that’s perfectly said.
Selah: Right? Like, it’s not like I’m just wing it at, and at that point too, by the way, I was like an expert in vbac. I mean, I feel still, but I am like I had read every single thing you could possibly read. I had listened to every podcast you could possibly listen to. I knew everything and I just, I felt like, yeah, this was, it was gonna happen and I was gonna do this. And so yeah, I went forward with this crazy quirky doctor who turned out to be a rock star.
Oh, the other stipulation that the first doctor had was that I could only go 24 hours in labor and anything after that was gonna be C-section. Full stop. Ugh. No, I know. So
Jamie: that’s silly.
Selah: What I know now. It is silly because what most people don’t know, even after your water breaks, ’cause they start the clock. Yes. My water broke for the third one. This doctor did not start the clock because the clock [00:36:00] is not evidence-based essentially. There is some risk, but there’s risk in any, again, at any, anytime you’re laboring, there’s risk that there could be an infection or whatever. Mm-hmm. So I labored for 48 hours until the baby was born.
Jamie: In the hospital?
Selah: It started, I wanna say 2:00 AM till I went to the hospital around 11:00 AM So it was like the first nine, 10 hours was at home. I should have stayed home longer because when I got to the hospital, they, I thought it was like about to give birth. And this is like so classic first time laboring because I’m like, oh, this baby’s falling out. You guys better get ready. And I get there and they’re like, you’re at a one.
Jamie: Oh gosh, how disappointed.
Selah: What? Oh, always so disappointing. But my doula is also a midwife, she’s a certified midwife, and she was amazing. And she’s like, I think you’re farther along. You’re probably at a three. But like, she was encouraging me to stay home more and I was like, Nope, we gotta go. I [00:37:00] feel it. It’s coming. You know, I should have listened to her. She was very kind and, and she was very firm too. Like, I really think you should stay home. But I, I also had two other kids running around. I was, I was stressing me out to stay home. You know what I mean? Yeah. But in retrospect, she was right.
I should have stayed home longer because when you’re in the hospital, what they say is true. If you’re not there, they can’t do anything to you. And as soon as I got there, they hooked me up to the monitor, which is fine. I had safety first, but the wireless monitor wasn’t giving any signals. So I had to have wires. Made it really hard to walk and move and do things that I needed to do to get the baby to drop, you know, Uhhuh. So I do recommend stay home as long as you can, as long as it’s safe. Definitely have a doula if you’re staying home, you know, so it just, it would’ve been a little better.
That being said, again, my doctor was amazing and he just, he would call and be like, how you feeling? Great. Okay, [00:38:00] cool. Just keep going. Like, he was so chill and never made me feel at all. Rushed anything. Yeah. He was amazing.
Jamie: So like you, you talked to him at home before you went to the hospital?
Selah: I did, I talked to call him at home and he kind of wanted to know, did your water break? I wasn’t sure that my water had broke because it was very small. It was like trickling, basically. I thought it was the mucus plug, but when I got to the hospital, they said my water had broke. Oh, okay. So I didn’t go to the hospital. And then my contractions were what is it, like 3 1 1, whatever it’s supposed to be like on the contraction. Three minutes apart, lasting one minute for one hour. Okay. So that’s what they were, it could be 4 1 1, now that I think about it, four minutes apart, but whatever that is, you go to the hospital and on my Contraction app, they were like, you should go to the hospital. So I’m like, okay. So but I, I knew, I think when I called him too and told him they were 3 1 1, he was like, okay, go to the hospital, you know, and [00:39:00] he wanted me hooked up to the monitor so he could monitor from afar and he would get the reports. So I, and I get that. I wish I just really wish that those wires are hard, man. Yeah. It, they’re, it’s hard to labor with them and I get it, but they were also the first nurse.
So the whole labor story is really, really wild in general. But it was almost like they got, the nurses got progressively better as the labor went on. And I had like this crazy prayer list. Okay. Like very spiritual. I had like. My prayer list of what I wanted to happen in the birth. And by the way, everything was answered except for one thing, which I’ll get to. But one of the prayers was for supportive nurses because a VBAC after two C-sections and being 41 years old, they look at you differently and they’re not supportive. You know, they’re like, this isn’t gonna, they’re just negative. And the first nurse was, she was very intense and very negative, and she kept pushing the, it’s called the inner uterine, [00:40:00] IUPC, inner uterine or IUCP, I don’t know, catheter placement, something. But it’s basically a catheter inserted into your vagina, I think. Yes. To, to monitor the uterus, right? Mm-hmm. But there’s like this very low risk that it can cause bleeding. Not rupture, but like bleeding. And I’m like, I had worked all this time. To do this. I don’t wanna even have any risk at this point. Like I’m already here. Like why, why add to the risk? Right? Right. There’s already some risk. So I kept denying it and pushing it away, but she was like pretty intense about it. I, I got her to stop eventually, but the next nurse was awesome and the third nurse was phenomenal, which I’ll get to.
They also at the same time were pressuring me and my doctor was pressuring me to put in a epidural catheter. ‘Cause he’s like, I know you don’t want a epidural, but I want it just in case you do have to go to a c-section that we can fill it. And he’s like, just put on your seatbelt. And [00:41:00] he had been so supportive and so chill about everything else that I was like, okay, I’ll do it. I really wish I hadn’t done that because that was literally the only source of pain, the entire 48 hours of labor.
Jamie: No way.
Selah: I did not have pain. I felt discomfort. Like when you’re working out really hard or you’re running really hard, working really hard, you feel like, oh man, this is hard. You know? But you don’t, I didn’t feel like, ow, ow, ow. Like that kind of pain. Uhhuh. I didn’t that. I didn’t need the epidural. Like I was fine. I was praying and worshiping. I had worship music on, I was doing hypno babies. I don’t know if you know that. Oh, that’s what I wanna do. It’s amazing. It’s amazing. I highly recommend it. I had it playing like the whole time, just, it was so awesome. I was literally singing out loud through every contractions. I know it’s wild. Like you can go to my videos on my VBAC story. Like, it, it, it was wild. The nurses were like, she’s like singing like, [00:42:00] full blown, I’m a singer too, so that makes sense. But I was like, full on singing songs, Broadway songs, worship songs, everything. And I was like, I was in a state of gratitude too that I, I really like to tell people that is something I recommend because every contraction I was like, thank you, God, thank you for giving me this, because I have been through hell with that second birth. And if I didn’t have this labor right now, I wouldn’t be here. So thank you for letting this happen for me.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: So the other weird thing though about oh, so there, going back to that epidural catheter, it was, for whatever reason, the way it was placed or where the baby’s head was, I think it was where his head was because as he started descending more, the pain went away. It was so painful that I was vomiting. This is from the catheter, like just when they placed it, I started.
Jamie: Yeah. You don’t even have drugs.
Selah: Exactly. It was so bizarre. Everybody’s like, whoa, what’s going? I’m like, I don’t know. This hurts so bad. Like, get this off of me. But they can’t, and like the whole [00:43:00] thing, it was so painful. So don’t recommend getting that, you know? But anyway, that was a whole nother, so all that to say though, the weird thing was as soon as I got to the hospital, my contraction slowed down.
Jamie: Mm.
Selah: And they started coming every seven minutes. Every 10 minutes, every like five minutes. And in between these contractions I would fall asleep, like full on snoring, completely asleep. I know. And everybody again in the room was like, this is crazy. And my husband was just laughing because it’s kind of known in my friend group that I can fall asleep anywhere and I just like am very deep sleeper deep as one of eight kids, I guess. I don’t know. But I was like full blown asleep, which, so it was almost like this gift from God, like that I had these long contraction periods.
My doctor was like, we need to speed these up. This is not good. Because obviously you need to keep opening as time goes on. Yeah. So he said, I really wanna put you on Pitocin. This was, I wanna say the 24 hour [00:44:00] mark. He said, let’s get some Pitocin going, which, so that kind of is what I was referring to earlier. That’s why I wish she would’ve induced me. I mean, he put me on Pitocin. There’s supposedly more of a risk of uterine rupture. He did not think so at all. He said there’s no evidence for that. Hmm. So anyway, we started Pitocin at about 24 hours, and it did not help at all. Like the lowest amount didn’t help. So he just kept upping it and upping it and upping it until I was finally at the Max Pitocin.
And by the way, one of my things I did not want was Pitocin, because I heard it makes the contractions really painful. Yes. I didn’t feel any pain. I, it was still no different, like, at all what I felt no different. These gosh ions were the same. I know. So I just was like, all right, I guess keep upping it. Like, I want, I want this baby out. But I, I didn’t make a difference to me, honestly. Like, I just was like, is it, is it helping? But it wasn’t, it wasn’t even helping the contractions come.
Jamie: Oh, I was gonna [00:45:00] ask, what were you doing? I know you were sleeping a little bit.
What were you doing for like those 48 hours? Were you walking around? Was the doula like, trying to get great question down?
Selah: Yes. So we were doing every position, like she would be pushing, it’s called, I can’t remember what it’s called. It’s like it starts with a r. She has your, your hands on the back, and then she has like this material that she’s kind of rubbing on your lower back. Okay. And your, I, I was like on all fours with that. She would have me sit on the toilet a lot. Okay. Walking as much as possible, but it was hard with those wires. I did a lot of side lying on the ball with the ball between my legs. The peanut ball. Yes. That’s why I would fall asleep as well, because I would have this peanut ball between my legs and then I’d fall asleep like that. I know. So it was like the perfect position. We did the royal or the, the queen position. I think you’re like sitting up high on the top of the bed with your legs. Oh, the, the throne. That’s what it’s called. The throne, the royal, the queen. [00:46:00] That position was really great. Anything that would like, help him descend and help him drop.
She kept massaging me. My husband, bless his heart, literally did not stop the entire time massaging me. Like he just was like so supportive. And so both of them, Joanna, my doula, and Tony, my husband, I don’t even know how they did it. I know like I’m the one in labor, but they were having to push through for 48 hours, eat, no eating.
Jamie: How fun. I wanna labor like that.
Selah: It was awesome. I gotta say, like every time I think about it, I just look at, I mean, a huge smile comes to my face because it was probably one of the most amazing nights of my life, or two nights I guess. Because yeah, it was just the most spiritually connected I’d ever felt in my life. And then. Just felt so strong, so empowered, like, I am doing this. Yeah, this is happening. You cannot stop me. You know? Yeah. It was amazing. It was so amazing. But [00:47:00] towards the end so the good news is the epidural catheter pain went away, like I said, as he started descending more. So that was good. And I could just sort of focus.
And then it was like hour, I wanna say hour, 41, 42 or so. All of a sudden I felt the urge. I was in that sideline position mm-hmm. With the peanut ball between my legs and I felt the urge to push and everything. I mean, this is like gross, but everything just fell out of my body, like grossness, right? Like, I’m like, oh my gosh, this baby’s coming. And everybody in the room started getting excited. The baby’s coming. That’s a sign when you start expelling everything in your body like that. Yeah. So everyone’s getting excited. They’re prepping the room and they call the doctor. The resident doctor comes in and checks me and she’s like, you’re still out of eight. Oh. And I was like, what? Like, there’s no way. Felt like he was coming out right then. And that’s the moment, the only moment [00:48:00] that I got discouraged, I started crying and I just was like, I, I’m tired. Like, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. This is now starting to get to me. Yeah. And I, I just looked at my husband and Joanna and my doula. I was like, I don’t know guys. Like maybe, maybe I should tap out. Maybe I, I just don’t know anymore and all. Okay. So they were like, no, you’re not stopping now. You’re gonna have this baby. And Joanna reminded me, she’s like, it’s when you say that, that the baby’s about to come. So just like keep going.
And the third nurse, this is the one I was referring to Shameika before, she was like, I see you worshiping. I see you praying. I see you singing. You’re not giving up, you’re doing this. And I’m like, okay. I was like, outta a movie, I could do this. You know? Joanna said that it be, it’s in the resident’s best interest to say that you are not as far as along as you are. Like, when you measure, it’s subjective. Somebody’s fingers are different from another person’s. Right. [00:49:00] There is a margin of error. For sure. And Joanna was like, listen, she’s gonna say you’re the lowest possible because if she calls the doctor too soon and he gets there and you’re not ready, he’s gonna be not happy. You know? So Joanna was like, you’re complete, I’m, I’m pretty sure you’re complete because she’s a midwife. Like she’s seen over 2000 birds she’d been at. Wow. So she has seen everything. She’s like, you’re gonna have this baby any minute now.
So sure enough, the doctor comes, checks me and he is like, you’re complete. Let’s push. I’m like, and so I went from like the lowest low to the highest high in like two seconds. It was amazing. So he gets me ready and a lot of people say, oh, you don’t wanna be on your back pushing. You want them to let you push in whatever position. But Joanna had warned me that this doctor really likes women to be on their back. And he has like a special reason and way. And I actually really liked it because what he did was he had my legs propped up and my hands were on these bars. Mm-hmm. And I asked for a mirror so I could see my progress. ’cause I thought that would be [00:50:00] encouraging and I could pull the bars and push my legs against. Actually Joanna had one leg and Tony had the other leg. So like I said, they were like physically working the whole time too, and I was like pushing against them, pulling on the bars, watching in the mirror. And that really helped to just like physically dig into it, if that makes sense. Mm-hmm.
Someone had said to me, it feels like you’re taking the biggest dump of your life. And that is exactly right. That it is like the most constipated you’ve ever felt. Like literally, that’s what it feels like. Push that dump out. So I’m like holding on, pulling, pushing with my legs, look at the mirror, and it is two steps forward, one step back. So that’s how the baby’s lungs get that practice, because they’re going a little, they’re out, but then they’re pulling back in, out and pulling. But it is so frustrating to watch that because you’re like, wait, his head was just out and now it’s back in what’s going on? You know? [00:51:00] Yeah. And so this went on for three hours.
Jamie: Ugh.
Selah: I know. So. It finally got to the point where my doctor was like, listen, you have like one centimeter left, maybe half an inch. I don’t know what he said. Something very small. And he said, I wanna use the vacuum to get him out. And I’m like, yes, do whatever, get this baby out. Because actually most doctors would’ve definitely called me to a C-section by then. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like no doubt, I was still having these crazy long contraction periods, by the way. I was still falling asleep in between. It was insane. It was so weird. So he’s like, let’s just use the vacuum and get, I’m like, yes, great, please. And he said, he basically said, it’s gonna hurt, so I wanna fill your catheter with epidural. And I was like, doctor, I don’t need it. This was on my list, by the way. I did not want an epidural. Mm-hmm. Okay. Because the first two pregnancies, I have nothing against epidural. In fact, a lot of times though, I was definitely [00:52:00] encouraging people to have one that for me. It’s more likely you’re going into a C-section if you have one. So I did not want one.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: And I had been so drugged up the first two that I don’t even really remember. I wasn’t present for meeting those babies, you know what I mean? So yeah, I was like, I don’t, I can’t do that again. I don’t wanna be there. I wanna be present. I wanna feel everything. So, so he is like, I’m gonna put some push epidural in your catheter so you don’t feel this vacuum and then I’m gonna stitch you up after and you won’t feel that either. And I said, no, I don’t need it, I’m fine. And he is like, no, we’re gonna do it. And by then I was so exhausted, I had no fight left in me. I’m like, fine, whatever. Just feel, I don’t care anymore. You know? So the anesthesiologist came in. Mm-hmm. And she was about to fill the catheter and said, oh, there’s a crack in the cap. A small crack. I know. This is insane. ’cause I’m telling you, this is on my prayer list. And I’m like, and she’s like, we can’t put epidural in. The doctor’s like, well, what do you mean? She’s [00:53:00] like, we can’t do it. It goes against protocol. There could be bacteria, it could be contaminated. Can’t fill this. And he’s like, it’s fine. Because again, he’s like, he’s like this crazy cowboy doctor. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He’s like, the chances of that are very low, just fill it. And she’s like, no, I’m not doing it. And I said, it’s okay. I didn’t want it Anyway. He’s like, okay, here we go then. And I’m like, okay, let’s do it.
He pushes on, it’s like he did this like big push on my stomach, uhhuh, and then the pull with the vacuum. And if you’ve had a C-section, it felt like that they push on your uterus and they pull the baby out. And that’s just what it felt like. So for me, it didn’t hurt at all. Like I, I was really ready to feel a lot of pain and I’m like, oh, that was it. And even the stitching didn’t hurt. I barely had any tear, by the way. Wow. I had like a second degree Small tear. Yes. And which was insane considering how long I pushed, like, I can’t even believe that. I didn’t hurt. The stitches did not hurt. [00:54:00] He pulled them out. He was crying right away. He was just literally, ugh. I like tear up thinking about it like so perfect. So his head was perfect, which they say vaginal babies, their heads aren’t as perfect, but his was, he was crying so loud and, but he crawled up, did the whole boob crawl right away to my breasts and breastfed right away.
We did not get separated. My first two were separated immediately to the nicu. He slept in my arms the whole first night. The nurses came in ’cause you’re supposed to have ’em in the basement, you know? Mm-hmm. And they’d come in and he was like, on me. And they’re like, oh, are you nursing? I’m like, yeah, but no, we were sleeping together ’cause I was not letting that baby go. Like, I, I just didn’t care, you know? I knew it would be okay. And he was so great and so perfect in every way. It was amazing. No nicu. We were out of the hospital. Love that. 48 hours. I know. My healing was night and day. I was up and about. I went to a birthday [00:55:00] party four days later.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Selah: It was a good birthday in the day.
Jamie: So Wait, how big was this one?
Selah: Oh yeah, so he was nine, five. Yes, he was gigantic. Yeah. I don’t know, I just make big babies. I was never gestational diabetes. I dunno, it’s like my second one would have been, he was the smallest. He was eight 11, but he was 38 and a half weeks. So think about it, he would’ve been nine something, you know, maybe 10. Wow. So, yeah, I know. It was insane. Like he was so big. His head was so big too. But it was fine. I barely tore. I barely, I don’t know, I just, women, our bodies know what to do. You know? And this is not to say that c-sections are not valid, necessary. We should be grateful for them. I am grateful for my first one. I felt a lot of peace about that one. Mm-hmm. But I do think sometimes we get a little c-section happy, you know?
Jamie: Yeah, I agree. Well, let’s get into your recovery. Tell us more. Yes. Okay. [00:56:00]
Selah: So yeah, it was, it did, it definitely hurt to sit the first two days. Mm-hmm. Like I did a lot of sits baths and I wasn’t prepared for that. ’cause the C-sections, you’re just, it’s, it’s a different pain. But the vaginal birth pain. Yeah. Like, it would be like uncomfortable to sit, it would hurt a little. But that was after, oh, I did those frozen popsicles. Yeah. Where you freeze the pads at the aloe and all this stuff. Those really helped, like big time helped. Mm-hmm. I think it’s like aloe some sort of oil hazel. Which Hazel, there you go. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That’s what it was. It was awesome. Those felt so good. And, but like I was walking and doing everything normal after two days of, not even two days, like we were in the hospital for 48 hours. We went home and I feel like I was literally normal watching my kids. It was amazing. Wow. And we went to that birthday party, day four. I went and leased a car on day five, like, because we needed a bigger car. Like, oh, oops. [00:57:00] I know. So, I mean, all these things, I was tired. I was definitely tired because I’m older and I have three kids now.
Jamie: And were you able to breastfeed with this one too?
Selah: Yes. So easy. I, I think too, he was my third so I knew what to expect. Yeah. But his latch, like I, I knew the tricks on how to get him to latch easily. My first was the most difficult ’cause I had never done it before.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: The third was just so easy. I’m still breastfeeding, so
Jamie: that’s what I was gonna ask. How do you decide, yeah. Do they wean themselves or is that you kind of deciding that?
Selah: It was a little bit of both For all three. The first one I had heard a year is when you wean and he was he self weaned? He was so easy because he loved food. I mean, to this day, he’s a foodie. He eats everything under the sun. It’s hilarious. But he was just so into food. People used to laugh, like I’d post these videos of him just like eating so much crazy. So he kind of [00:58:00] was just not interested and he’s very, his personality is very like if he finds something else he’s interested in, he forgets about the pre, do you know what I mean? So he would be breastfeeding and he would look off and see something and just like push me away and like jump out of my arms. So I’m like, I’m done. This is frustrating at this point, you know? Yeah. So we stopped at a year. It was fine and great and actually way easier to wean that way. And my, but emotionally, I was a little sad, I’m not gonna lie, like emotionally, I wasn’t ready to give up that bonding uhhuh that we had.
So when my second, I let him go for two years, 23 months because I just loved it and I thought he was my last. And so I just kept going and then finally I was like, alright, it’s, it’s time. And it was really just down to that night feeding and I knew he could do it, so we just, we stopped. And I sort of feel like the same thing is happening with my third, that he’s very, he’s just down to that nighttime feeding and I think it’ll [00:59:00] be. Probably, I’m guessing around eight 18 months. I just got that new job as the podcast host, so I’m out of town every other month. So I feel like he’s gonna be soon-ish. 16 to 18 months probably.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. I’ll have to do it mentally. How were you during postpartum?
Selah: I’m pretty good. The pregnancy and postpartum, I feel like I was really blessed because even though I definitely felt a hormone shift with the postpartum. Mm-hmm. But I didn’t feel depressed or anything. It was more like maybe a little more anxiety, I would say. Like worrying about the stupidest things. Weird, intrusive thoughts would come in my head. Uhhuh. I noticed that like I would be the first, especially hands down the second and the third, I kind of knew what to expect mentally. Mm-hmm. But the first, I remember calling my best friend in the middle of the night because I fell asleep with the baby on my chest. And that wasn’t even what I was worried about, by the way. ‘Cause you’re not supposed to do that. [01:00:00] I was worried about the fact that I had self tanner on my chest and that he was inhaling it. So I called her freaking out and she’s like, wait, you fell asleep with him on your chest? He’s fine though, right? Just put him in the bassinet. And I’m like, no, no, no. But I had self tanner on. She’s like, oh my God. Like she’s postpartum. Like, that’s insane. Go back to sleep. He’s fine. You know, like stuff like that. It was so weird.
The third, I felt, because I had the other two and they’re also close in age, I felt a little bit more mom rage happening, and that was really scary and sad to me ’cause I didn’t wanna be that mom. The yelling and the snapping. And I was just so tired. Like, so tired. I’ve never been so tired in my life and I actually just feel like I’m coming outta that fog.
Jamie: Wow. After a year?
Selah: Yeah, after a year, I’d say probably around a month, 10, 11. I was like, okay. I am starting to feel like I’m back to myself. I’m getting full night’s rest and [01:01:00] okay, I am not a a mean mom anymore. I kind of feel sorry for my five and three-year-old. ’cause there were just moments where I’m like, that was not a rational reaction to what they just did, but I’m just so sleep deprived, you know? Yeah. Torture. Mm-hmm. It’s so sad. And you’re trying all these, especially now, gentle parenting and the way social media makes you feel like you should be this perfect parent all the time and it’s just not possible, you know?
Jamie: Yeah, definitely. Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Selah: I think I know, like I’ve been so gung-ho about my birth, my VBA. I will say I definitely recommend learning about what to do to avoid a c-section from the get go. Mm-hmm. As much as you can. But, and I tell that to everyone, but that being said, if you do have to have a C-section, I feel like find the peace about it and find the gratitude in that. Because at the end of the day, the most, most, most important thing [01:02:00] is healthy mom, healthy baby. Mm-hmm. And that is we should be grateful for C-sections and medical advancements. So I just wanna say that.
And then the other thing I feel like with the infertility stuff is don’t let anyone shame you for feeling bad about not being able to get pregnant. I had someone very close to me and my husband say to us, well, it’s because you’re so old, that’s why you can’t get pregnant. And the truth was, we started in our early thirties. Yeah. Like, we’re just that old, you know? And it hurt so bad. And for the longest time, we just didn’t tell her anything about our journey or anything. Don’t let anyone tell you that.
And also, if you’re trying to get pregnant, no matter what your journey is, someone said this to me ’cause you get the stupidest comments, right? Like you get, oh yeah, you just need to go on vacation or just rSelahx, don’t be so stressed, blah, blah, blah. But the best thing someone said to me was, no matter what your journey is, it will lead you to your baby if that’s what you really want. You know, like whatever that is, you’re gonna get there eventually. [01:03:00] I love that. So that was really encouraging. Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s sweet. And what do you think has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Selah: Being pregnant over 40. I think maybe the tiredness, like the energy, I don’t know though, because I don’t have much to compare it to unless you count my late thirties. But I feel like even my friends in their twenties retired or their 30, like it’s just pregnancy. Yeah. Like carrying a human. But yeah. Also sometimes, like I said, the comments and the rudeness of people, that’s hard. That’s hard to deal with. Yeah. And the medical community labeling you as geriatric mentally, that gets in your head a bit. Mm-hmm. So I feel like the more you can like just frame your mind differently and shut out all the noise like that, the better.
Jamie: Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40? [01:04:00]
Selah: Yes. Like, yes, definitely exercise as much as you can. Exercise and stay flexible. Very much recommend a doula without a doubt. Yes. But I would recommend that no matter what your age is like, definitely need a doula. I just think it’s so much better they know and an experienced doula too. And that’s not to say the new ones can’t be great, but the ones that have seen a lot know how to navigate and help you navigate.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Selah: I really recommend hypno babies. Like I said, like any sort of birth class is great, but hypno babies for the actual birth is amazing. I just can’t re recommend it more. And then the other thing is, but, well, and I guess, like I said, that could be for anybody over 40 or, or whatever. But yeah, just really trying to like listen to things like this, like the podcast, like this or any birth podcast that is gonna put you in a positive frame of mind. Something that’s gonna like keep you really positive and know that you can do [01:05:00] this. They’re not old. Your body was meant to do this. You know what I mean? So, yep. I mean, women have had babies in their forties forever because before there was birth control, they just kept having babies. Yep. So it’s not like we’re not meant to do this. My mom had her first at 26th and her last at 40.
Jamie: And what advice would you give yourself when you’re pregnant, if you could go back?
Selah: Try not to worry. Try to stay positive. Meditate as much as possible. Oh, that’s another one. Expectable the app. I love that. It’s a meditation app for pregnancy, birth, and beyond. Okay. I never do the beyond because I have the kids then and don’t have time. But during pregnancy, I did it for each one and it’s really great. Really great. So I definitely recommend that to just put your mind in a state of positivity.
Jamie: And you kind of mentioned before, but a lot of our listeners are trying to conceive over 40 and what would you say to those women? [01:06:00]
Selah: So I did not I, I feel like IVF and everything is definitely something that you should not be ashamed of and that you should full on, go get everything checked before trying to conceive, I say this to women in their twenties, go to a reproductive specialist. Mm-hmm. I did not do that, and I didn’t know that I had endometriosis. As we sort of said. I wish that way when we first got married that I had went to a reproductive specialist and just figured things out. Right. Yeah. I knew what I was dealing with.
But I also think I didn’t try acupuncture myself, but I’ve had a lot of friends do acupuncture.
Jamie: Oh, I love it.
Selah: For fertility. Yeah. Do you love it? Okay. I love it. Yeah. I did a little, oh, that’s actually what induced my labor. Finally, I forgot to mention that.
Jamie: Oh, really?
Selah: Really? Third pregnancy, because I tried it for fertility and I didn’t see any results. So I was like, eh. But this third pregnancy, I was at week 41 and I was like, I gotta get this baby going. So I tried it. I tried to get labor inducing acupuncture, and I went into labor that night. [01:07:00] Wow. So, I don’t know. I know. I definitely think it work.
Jamie: That’s cool.
Selah: And, and fertility wise, yes. I said I didn’t see results, but I also was not consistent with it.
Jamie: Anything else?
Selah: Well, I, I also think maybe in the beginning I could have been a little better at tracking my ovulation, tracking my temperature. I didn’t know as much as I do now, and I feel like I could have maybe done things to try a little harder. I don’t know though.
Jamie: Yeah. Tell us where our listeners can find you on the internet and all your fun old moms videos.
Selah: I know, yes. You can see the old moms videos on my Instagram and my TikTok at Selah Victor. Also, like I said, I’m having a podcast come out soon in the summer for CareCredit, so you could search my name when that comes out.
Jamie: Awesome. Thank you Selah, so much for coming on the show and sharing story.
Selah: Thank you, Jamie. Oh, it was so great to talk with you. You’re awesome. Thank [01:08:00] you.