On Episode 97, we have Jessica on to share her spontaneous pregnancy story at 41. She is sharing her story 14 months postpartum. Jessica met her future husband at 33 and married him when she was 37. They discussed having kids briefly, but her priority was finishing school to become an occupational therapist. She knew she wanted a family. Before getting married she wanted to prepare her body for pregnancy by weening off birth control and getting her hormones tested. She took B vitamins, probiotics, and a mushroom extract vitamin for weakness in one of her ovaries. Six months before her wedding, she got the call where she was told her AMH is low. She was told she could get pregnant, but it would be challenging. Find out her journey to seeing a fertility specialist to manifesting her spontaneous pregnancy.
If this is your first time here, I’m Jamie Massey and the host of the podcast. It took us 3 years, 5 pregnancies, failed IVF, and a failed embryo transfer to have our first baby using donor eggs at 43 years old. You can go here to learn more about my story.
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Episode 97 Transcript:
Jamie: Jessica, welcome to the show.
Jessica: Hi. Thank you for having me. Excited to be here.
Jamie: And today we are sharing Jessica’s story at 40. But before we begin, Jessica, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Jessica: I’m an occupational therapist. I work with children with disabilities. And just right now being mommy. A busy mommy. She just turned 14 months on July 12th of this year.
Jamie: Let’s begin your story whenever you got married in your thirties and were you ready to start a family right away?
Jessica: So when I was 33, I met my husband. I was actually studying occupational therapy. I was in occupational therapy school and I knew that I wanted to start a family before I even met him, but I didn’t know how it was gonna work out because I was very unsuccessful in relationships.
But I ended up meeting him when I was basically devoting time for myself and studying, and I was actually on birth control pill for many years. We met and we automatically just grew closer and we had a relationship that evolved organically. I turned 36 is when he asked me to marry him. And we got married when I was 37.
Jamie: Did y’all discuss having kids right away?
Jessica: We did discuss having kids, but briefly, it wasn’t too much in in depth because my priority was finishing school. We knew that we wanted to start a family for sure. Prior to getting married, I was gonna wean myself off of birth control because I knew the havoc that sometimes birth control can cause in the body. I wanted to be very mindful about that and prepare my body and also get my hormones tested. I knew that I was starting later.
Jamie: When did you find out you were pregnant?
Jessica: So this is a loaded question. Just to back up a little bit, we were planning the wedding and I did end up successfully winning myself off of the pill. I went to a functional medicine doctor first because I wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. So she basically said to prepare your body, you need to replenish everything that you’re losing from being on birth control. So she recommended some B vitamins, an elixir type and probiotics.
She did some muscle testing on me and she did say that I had a little bit of weakness in my, one of my ovaries. So she recommended some natural mushroom extract vitamin.
Jamie: What does that mean that your ovary was weak?
Jessica: She didn’t really explain it too much other than just when she was doing this muscle testing, she was like tapping certain parts of the body.
She sensed that one side of the body was not as strong as the other, and she basically said it was a week ovary, which was really interesting to me because at that time I could sometimes feel like during ovulation, like there would be an ache on that side. It was very strange. So she, I felt like she knew what she was doing. Mm-hmm. So I ended up successfully wean off of birth control and my OB at the time recommended I wait three months to test my hormones.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: I waited three months, and this was before I got married. This was probably six months before the wedding date. And at that time, I got them tested. She gave me a call and was like, everything looks normal, however, except a MH is low.
Mm-hmm. And I, it kind of just threw me back because at the time I didn’t know much about a MHI had no, I didn’t really have a big understanding of it, so I asked her, I was like, well, does that mean, can I still get pregnant? She says, you can, but it can be challenging. So I’m going to recommend that you see a fertility specialist.
And I asked her what my numbers were. I think I asked the nurse and my numbers at that time were very low, 0.16, which is anyone who knows what a MH. It’s a very low number. So I, so I kind of went on a Google search, which I think we all do naturally. Mm-hmm. And there’s so many different things. There’s so many different opinions, and you have forums that talk about what to do, and you have forums that tell you, okay, this is what you can do to help.
And then, you know, challenges that you may have. And so I, I had all this going through my mind, but at the same time, I was just focused on trying to plan this wedding during COVID, you know, it was 2020, so it was kind of like in the back of my mind, but my priority was just getting through the year and getting married.
So we got married, I was 37, this was 20, 20 December. Beautiful wedding, small, intimate, it was kind of like the highlight of the year because COVID was, it was rough, you know? So after we got married and we had our little honeymoon. I knew at that point that we wanted to try to start having a family, and I decided to schedule a specialist, an appointment with a specialist.
And I did that. And they had me do all this blood work. It was crazy blood work before I even met the doctor. Mm-hmm. NICU test for everything under the sun. And the doctor I met online virtually because it was COVID times and he seemed nice, but whenever I tried to ask questions and it was like a simple, basic question, I felt like I was always getting the answers from his nurses and his staff.
And it’s like, okay, you gotta schedule an appointment with the doctor, you gotta schedule this. And it just, I felt like I was getting the runaround all the time.
And I noticed that my periods were starting to get kind of irregular at this time. And I think it was just a lot of stress.
And I was also working, I had just started working in a clinic setting.
So I was working with kids with special needs in a clinic setting, back to back, feeling burned out. It was very challenging. Mm-hmm. Just constantly being in an environment like that. And I just was very stressed. I think I was just very stressed out. So I think that was contributing to the irregularities of the periods. I remember the doctor wanted me to schedule, I think it’s called an HSG, it’s where they flush out your fallopian tubes or something like that.
Jamie: Okay. Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And I was nervous because. I had read that it could be uncomfortable or painful, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it as of yet. So I was like, I don’t know how I feel about this.
And then my periods were irregular, so he wanted me to start birth control. And I was like, no, that defeats the purpose of even, no, I didn’t want to. So I felt like I was going backwards. Mm-hmm. And every time I wanted to ask the doctor a question, the nurse was like, well, you have to schedule an appointment instead of him, instead of her trying to maybe ask and then get back to me. And she’s like, no, you just need to start the pill. So I felt like I was a number and I was like, no, I’m gonna maybe find another specialist. So I decided to cancel.
Jamie: Good. I actually just do what you’re told. Don’t ask questions.
Jessica: Yeah. No, no, no. Exactly. It’s, and you can just tell. It was very, very, it was a very busy practice.
I had gone in one time to get blood work and the line was like out the door, like it was just very crowded space. I was like, no, this is not, I’m not feeling it. So at that point I was starting this position at the clinic and because I was so busy and focusing on work, I kind of gave it a break for a few months, but I knew that I wanted to schedule another appointment with another specialist.
So I was kind of looking up on Google specialists around me, fertility specialists, and I found one that had pretty good reviews and at that point I was 38 and I had decided to schedule with him and I went to go see him. This was probably, maybe a few months after I had gone to the other specialist and then I decided to kind of stop.
I scheduled with him and he had the blood work in front of him. He knew my A MH levels. He hadn’t had me tested again. We were just basically meeting and he said, yeah, well it could be very challenging for you to get pregnant, but let’s just run the numbers and see what we do or whatever. I remember just feeling very deflated.
I felt like every time I was scheduling an appointment with a specialist, it was very deflating. Mm-hmm. I know that there are couples that kind of go in with the intention. They kind of have an idea of what they wanna do, like whether it’s IVF or IUI and those are very expensive treatments and my insurance at the time did not cover any of that.
I didn’t know much about these treatments either. I didn’t know if my body was prepared for it. Like I didn’t really know what to to expect. I was kind of trying to just go in, but I’m also very like holistic based like I try to do everything as holistically as possible. So I kind of wanted to see what my other options were.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So at the time I scheduled this appointment, I didn’t know it, but I was actually already pregnant at the consultation.
Jamie: Oh my gosh.
Jessica: I found out probably a week after, it was kind of like my period was due and I was cramping. I’ll never forget it ’cause I was having these cramps and I was like, oh yeah, my period’s gonna come down.
But it wasn’t coming down. And I was at work one day and I remember I had to stop at home, like on a lunch break or something, and I said, you know what, let me just take a pregnancy test because I have them in my, in my bathroom. Like I have pregnancy tests that I had bought, like on Amazon or just ones that I had there. And I was like, I don’t know why I’m testing, but Sure. So I’m sitting down and I look over and I have a positive test. I was 38 at the time.
Jamie: Uhhuh, what did you think?
Jessica: I was just like shocked and, I was like, am I seen right? Because I was by myself. I was in the bathroom and I was on a lunch break, so I was like, this is not accurate. Is this right? Because I was told it could be so challenging, you know?
Jamie: Right. And here you are.
Jessica: Yes. Naturally. Mm-hmm. So I got really excited, but at the same time, nervous. Mm-hmm. I don’t know, it just, it didn’t feel real. So I went back to work and I actually had the test with me. I didn’t tell my husband because my husband was not home, he was at work at the time.
He was working in the field. So I went to the clinic, and I have to add this to the story as well because his kind of part of my journey, I worked in an environment where all the women were 10 years younger than I was. They were all in their prime of making babies. Like I had one woman that I worked with that had like a 2-year-old daughter, and the two other girls that I worked with were just married or recently married, and they were planning on having children. I was one of the oldest besides another lady also trying to have a baby. So it was that dynamic.
Jamie: Right. Mm-hmm.
Jessica: I would sometimes hear these women around me say that, oh, once you hit 30, you’re old. And I’m think to myself, what, what? Or if you have a child after the age of 32, you’re more likely to have a child with special needs. It was ridiculous. Like, these are the things that I was hearing.
Jamie: Wow.
Jessica: This is kind of also what I was dealing with throughout this journey, but I don’t wanna like skip ahead. I went back to work and one of the girls that I was working with, she’s actually my supervising therapist. I took the test to her because we had kind of developed a rapport. I trusted her enough at the time that I can go to her and say, is am I seeing this right?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And she, and then she was like, oh my gosh, you’re pregnant. And she started like tearing up and I was like, okay, this is real. I’m seeing correctly. ’cause I was just so much in shock.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So I went home, I told my husband he was excited and I was excited, but there was something that just didn’t feel right in me. Like, it’s almost like intuitively I knew something was off. I couldn’t tell you what it is. It just felt off. I was very tired. The only symptoms that I had were extreme fatigue. And I did have cramping, but I didn’t have any of the typical symptoms that you might get. But it was still also very early.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessica: So at that time, my husband, he, I. Has a job where he’s in the field and he will have to travel, and he had to take a trip out of state. He went to Montana for like 11 days. And during that trip there was a night and while I was sleeping, I all of a sudden just had this intense cramping, so intense that it woke me up in my sleep and it wouldn’t stop it.
It probably lasted like 20, 30 minutes. It felt like my uterus was contracting. It was very painful. And I was like thinking to myself, oh gosh, this can’t be normal. It was like very painful. I went to the bathroom and it was in the middle of the night and I saw that I had like some brown spotting, so I was like, okay, well I’m bleeding.
It’s not red. But at the same time it’s, it’s spotting. So it’s like I didn’t really know what to think, but I just kind of felt. Just not good. Like I knew that something was up, so I obviously didn’t sleep that night. First thing in the morning, I called my OB and I spoke to the nurse and she was like, well, it could be normal.
Bleeding is normal and we can get you into the office, but we have to wait until you’re at least six weeks to see what’s going on. And I was like, yes, please. So it was maybe a few days later that I went into the office and the lady who did the ultrasound was basically like, she was doing the ultrasound, and all they found was a gestational S sock, but they didn’t see a fetal pole, they didn’t find anything, but she was basically saying, this is still really early, so there’s a chance that it’s still too early.
So I need you to come back when you’re eight weeks and then we can get a better idea of what’s going on. So I went to talk to my OB at the time. I had been with this OB for quite some time and I knew her bedside manner was not my favorite about her. She was very good at, you know, getting to find out whatever was going on, but she was very direct.
Mm-hmm. And at this moment I felt like I needed someone to kind of hold my hand. You know what I mean?
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: So she basically said to me, because you’re having the bleeding, we’re gonna call it a threatened miscarriage, without really knowing what was going on.
Jamie: I’ve never heard of that. And she hasn’t even done anything. This is just verbally. Ugh, that’s tough.
Jessica: Yes. They had run the HCG numbers and they, it was pretty high, however, the numbers were not doubling.
Jamie: Mm.
Jessica: So they were rising, but they were not doubling uhhuh. So she said, basically we’re gonna call it a threatened miscarriage. But we won’t know until you’re eight weeks because we have to get a better idea because it’s still kind of early.
I hated the way she presented the information. It was just not, not good to me. At that point I was like, I don’t wanna go back to her. So at the time, I had a friend of mine recommend a OB that she had gone to. She said, she’s wonderful.
She will listen to you, and I really recommend that you go to her. You will love her. So I ended up firing my other OB and I went to this new OB and she met with me. She was such a sweet lady, and she was basically very, very compassionate. But she said the same thing. She’s like, it’s still early. Let’s run your numbers.
And the same thing was happening. My numbers were rising, but they were not doubling. She’s like, we will not know until we have an ultrasound, so I’m gonna give you an order so you can have an ultrasound done. I said, okay. And I knew, like, I already knew what, what was gonna happen, but you still had people, like I had told my mother, I had told maybe a couple of friend friends of mine and I told like a, couple people at my job that I was pregnant.
So they were all trying to be hopeful and say it’s gonna be okay. You know, even though I knew that it probably wasn’t. Yeah. And my ob the one that I decided not to see any longer. I just felt like she was kind of dismissive at the fact that this was happening. And she was like, oh, well the good news is you got pregnant.
Which, yeah, it’s great, but at the same time I was told that I have very low A MH so I knew that if I was gonna get pregnant again, it was gonna be a challenge, Uhhuh, or it wasn’t gonna be easy.
Jamie: Right.
Jessica: So. There was that part of it. So then I went to go get an ultrasound. I went to a outside facility and I remember the girl that was doing my ultrasound, she was just very, she had like a blank look on her face.
And I remember her saying to me, oh ’cause she had originally she was doing it over the belly and she was like, I’m gonna have to do a transvaginal, because it’s just really small. Whatever I’m looking at, it’s very small. And I was like thinking to myself, yeah, of course. So she finished and again, she was like, okay, well you’ll get a report and then the doctor will go over the results.
And I’m thinking to myself, I already know, like I already know. So there’s a portal that I created that I could actually pull up that report before I even had the appointment with the doctor. Because it’s almost like I was just wanting to know at that point. Yeah. Because I was two weeks with, is this really happening. It’s basically called a missed miscarriage. Mm-hmm. It’s not like a traditional miscarriage where you kind of have the loss and what’s going on. You’re still kind of like, you don’t know yet, you don’t know until, you know, type of thing.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: It’s that, I mean, basically that was the term that was given to me.
Huh. So I pulled up the report and then I read that it was a loss. Like I had a loss that there was no heartbeat detected. There was an actual fetal pole, there was a fetus, but it was just, it was actually measuring six weeks, four days. And that was actually the exact date that I had went to see the ob.
Jamie: I’m sorry.
Jessica: Thank you. I basically just broke down. My husband was working during this time, so I was just by myself. Just grieving at that point. I allowed myself to grieve. I remember I was supposed to work that day and my OTR found me in the parking lot and I told her that I had lost the baby. And she’s like, you need to go home. You need to go home and take a couple days off. And that’s exactly what I did.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: So at that point I scheduled A DNC and it wasn’t even right away. I had to wait like two weeks for the DNC. It’s, it was like a long, lengthy process.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: So, yes, that was very, very hard. At that point, like I knew that if I wanted to get pregnant again, like I had to figure out what was going on. Like I wanted to try to heal my body. ’cause I think that it was more so the egg quality. Like I wanted to make sure that I was doing everything that I can to have a successful pregnancy if I was gonna try to do it naturally. I kind of gave myself a little bit of a break. And then at that point I decided to schedule with an acupuncturist who specialized infertility.
Jamie: Okay. Mm-hmm. And when did you go back to the fertility doctor? Or did you not?
Jessica: So I ended up actually going to another fertility specialist,
Jamie: a third one. Okay.
Jessica: A third one, only because the ob, the one that I really loved, she recommended this group. Okay. And I did schedule with him. I was about to turn 39.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: It was actually my birthday. I, I’ll never forget it. I scheduled on my 39th birthday and. He was just lacking in all senses of compassion.
I mean, he basically made me feel like an old woman. Ugh. I, I told him my A MH and he was like, you do not have a lot of time, so whatever you do you need, we need to figure this out. He had me, yeah, he had me do some blood work to check genetic, if there was like genetic conditions between my husband and I or I think it was on my side.
And then later we would find out if my husband had the same. I think it’s kind of standard that they do that in genetic testing.
Jamie: Yeah,
Jessica: and I think I had like one thing that came up but it was a super rare, not likely. To happen with, you know, like my husband and I, if you understand, like after speaking to the genetic counselor, it’s scary in the moment, but then when you find out how it works, it’s actually very common.
To have like these things come back up.
Jamie: Yep.
Jessica: But I decided I didn’t wanna go back to this doctor ’cause I just hated the way he made me feel. ’cause again, I felt super deflated.
Jamie: Good.
Jessica: And, and I’m a person that I, I kind of believe in following your intuition and, type of manifesting type of thing.
Mm-hmm. So I said I’m gonna go down a holistic route because I feel like that’s just the avenue that I want to go down. That’s what I wanna do. Mm-hmm. And it was very encouraging to find forums of women who had very low numbers. They would tell their story, how they naturally got pregnant by either doing supplementation, acupuncture, reducing stress is, which is such a huge factor.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: And I said to myself, I guarantee you I could probably do the same thing. So I found this acupuncturist and she was wonderful, and she told me right away, you know, obviously she goes through the history and she tells me. I really do have a lot of high hope for you, so, so let’s get you started.
She did recommend trying to get sessions done every week, but at the time, because of my work and everything, I said, let’s start off with twice a month just to see how it goes. So that’s what I did. Mm-hmm. I was 39 at the time, so I started seeing her. She recommended I do certain things. I was on a prenatal actually from
Jamie: mm-hmm
Jessica: What, from what she recommended.
Basically it gives you like all the vitamins that you need to kind of prepare your body. It was on Thorn, I believe that’s the name of the prenatal that I was on. Okay. She, she also recommended this supplement called True Nigen. I believe it’s like an NAD. It’s supposed to increase the energy in your cells so it can increase your egg quality.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessica: Which was the most important thing.
So there was that, and then just basically reducing stress as much as possible, which is really hard to do. Working in the environment that I was in.
Jamie: Sure.
Jessica: I started to notice that it was like a pattern where I was constantly in this toxic environment because I was in this clinic setting and it was women that were like younger than me and they were just, I don’t know. You’re in that environment where. I had them tell me, oh yeah. You know, they knew I was trying to conceive , and a lot of them were encouraging and they sounded like they were trying to be encouraging. But then I would be in my office or in my room and I could hear conversations about women in their thirties being old or, yeah. It was just, I remember one time I heard it and I broke down and started crying. I was just like, this is not the space for me to be in.
Jamie: Yeah. So what’d you do?
Jessica: I continued to work there and I just kind of blocked it out. I ignored it. My husband was always very encouraging and he was always telling me, we’re gonna be parents. We’re gonna be parents.
And I had an intuitive like coach that I talked to and she always told me, you’re gonna get pregnant. I feel it for you. I can see it for you. I felt like I could because it did happen the one time, but at the same time I didn’t know there was always the ego in the mind that tells you, okay, it’s not gonna happen for you, or what if it doesn’t happen for you. It was always in the back of my mind, what if it doesn’t happen?
What are the other options that I have? Because after the last fertility specialist, I decided to go back to the one that I had went to when I was pregnant that first time. And he had me do all the blood work and basically he told me at this point, my A MH was at 0.13, so I had gone down a little bit, but not too much.
And they tell you that your A MH levels. It can’t go up, but they actually can fluctuate. They can kind of go up and down a little bit. He basically told me, he’s like, you have a 1% chance of conceiving unless you do donor eggs.
Jamie: Of course.
Jessica: I was like, okay, so here I go again. I was kind of getting. Jabbed under the belt again. Mm-hmm. I was like, okay. And the thing of it is like, even if I decided to do one of these options, or like $30,000, you know, or whatever option you decide to do in a fertility clinic, if you don’t have insurance, that’s generally the cost and
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Jessica: I mean, at that time that I just, it wasn’t feasible, you know what I mean?
Jamie: Sure.
Jessica: And I still felt like, no, these doctors are wrong. I know that I can do this on my own. Like I feel like I can, I really do. There was something inside me that I was like, no, I’m not gonna give up. You know, especially with my acupuncturist, she was just very, very encouraging. And I just continued to go to those sessions.
But I knew that something had to change. So when I was 39. That year was tough working in that clinic. I ended up getting sick, like really, really sick twice. Once I had like the flu really bad. And then I got COVID for the second time, but it was where I got knocked off my feet. Like I was in bed, like l like literally turning on the light.
I couldn’t even handle the lights. It was so bad.
Jamie: Oh gosh.
Jessica: Yeah, it was, it was really bad. So I knew that at that point I just needed to rest.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: I needed to rest. I was tired, I was burned out. I was getting sick all very often because I was working with a bunch of kids that were sick all the time.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And I told my husband, I was like, I don’t know that I wanna continue working in this clinic. I might switch it up a little bit. Mm-hmm. So I had decided that after the new year that I was gonna work in home health, or basically in the field where I was working for the same company but not in the clinic setting. So basically I could travel to home daycare schools and make my own schedule. And that’s what I had decided. I need to step away from that.
Jamie: Yeah. Less stress.
Jessica: Mm-hmm. So at that point I was having, I was almost 40. I noticed that my periods were becoming super irregular.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Super irregular. And I was like, great, I’m gonna go into menopause, early menopause. ’cause my A MH is solo. Like, I thought to myself, this is probably it, right?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: I was 40, I had turned 40, and I was trying not to stress out. My husband and I were planning trips, like we had, you know, I was trying to focus on going on vacation with him, spending time with him, spending time with my friends. I was trying to get rid of the negative people in my life ’cause I just felt like there was people in my circle that maybe didn’t fit.
We no longer had same thing’s in common anymore. And I knew that I needed people to uplift me as opposed to not. Mm-hmm. So I wanted to make sure I was in an environment that was supportive. So I was 40 at this point. I asked the OB that I had at the time, this was the one that I was recommended to.
I was like, can I have my A MH tested again? ’cause I hadn’t tested it in probably months at this point and I didn’t know what was going on. Mm-hmm. And because I was having these irregular periods, I wanted to figure out what was going on. And she was like, sure. She gave me an order. And it was hard to kind of test ’cause they usually recommend that you test like on the second or third day with your hormones,
Jamie: uhhuh.
Jessica: But because I didn’t really know when my periods were actually starting or not, because I felt like I would either get a period really, really late or I would get my period really, really early. I had just decided to kind of just get it tested.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: I’ll never forget when I got the results, I like, my heart just dropped because it was the lowest I had ever been. No, it was at a 0.02.
Jamie: Ugh.
Jessica: And everything else was normal. My FSH was normal. My LH was normal. But my a MH was, and it’s like when you’re looking at the lab, you, you see this red marker on it. So I remember looking it up, it was like the first thing in the morning before I went to work and I went into to the closet ’cause my husband was getting ready and I said, I started crying.
I was like, how am I ever gonna get pregnant with these numbers? I was like, how is this ever gonna happen? Because he was always encouraging me and telling me It’s gonna happen for us. I had like other people tell me, it’s gonna happen. I was like, how this is so low?
Like this is like, it’s like non-existent at this point. So he finally said, okay, well what is it that we need to do so that you can see that acupuncturist every week and do whatever she tells you to do and go at it. Like whatever she says for you to do, do it. I said, okay. So I emailed her and I asked her, I basically told her first I was like, this is what my numbers are and she said, the reason that this is probably happening is ’cause your periods are so irregular. She was like, please do not lose hope. She’s like, I want you to just relax, take a walk outside, do something for yourself. She’s like, we’re gonna get you there.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Is basically what she said.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: So, so she’s like, yes. So I recommend that you do come in weekly and then we’ll, we’ll figure it out. Mm-hmm. So that’s what I did. And it’s very funny because around this time I had this dream where I was literally holding my daughter. I had this dream where I was holding this baby girl, and in the dream I was walking around with her and people were like, is this your daughter?
Is that your daughter? I was like, yes. And I remember in the dream feeling like, I love her so much and I woke up and I had like these tears. Like, it was like, I could literally feel it in my heart. Like I, it almost felt like an encounter, even though she wasn’t here uhhuh. It was so realistic.
Wow. And I don’t know, it just felt very, very encouraging. Yeah. Even though I knew what I had gone through, so I kind of was trying to change. My head space, like how I was approaching things and I actually had spoken to around the same time I had spoken to an intuitive coach and she said, you need to manifest this.
You need to write it out. You need to start saying you’re gonna have a baby before the end of the year. Now I was 40 at this time. This was 2023. I had gotten my labs tested in August and I talked to her I think maybe a month after the coach. I talked to her and during this time I was taking an online reiki course, which is basically like a healing, energy healing.
Mm-hmm. If you know anything about that. So I had decided, okay, I’m gonna put it out there. I’m gonna. Go to my acupuncturist, I’m gonna go to these weekly sessions, I’m gonna take all the supplements that she recommends. She kind of switched things out a little bit. Nothing too crazy, but just changed up the vitamins or whatever.
And I’m gonna start writing down every morning that I’m gonna get pregnant before the end of the year, Uhhuh. And at night after work, I would go home, I would shower, and I had this routine where I would literally just sit down and like take these deep breaths, kind of like a form of meditation.
Mm-hmm. And I would do Reiki. Reiki on myself. So I was basically focusing on the energy center where the womb is uhhuh, envisioning that the womb was healthy, that the womb was ready to carry a baby. Mm-hmm. That the womb was strong, and I would do this every single day.
And while I was doing this, I was also.
Learning to let go. At this point, it was almost like I was trying to make peace with myself and say, you know what? What’s meant to be will be
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Jessica: I was 40 and we decided to take a trip October, 2023 to go to Boston and to Salem, Massachusetts.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So we were planning that and I was super excited about that. And at the time, my acupuncturist had given me this heating pad, which is basically like electric magnetic field had like crystals on it.
She said, start using this heating pad, and she even let me take it home. She’s like, put it on while you’re watching TV or whatever. It’s supposed to increase your aid quality. Okay. So I was like, okay. I was like, okay, so why not? So I remember my husband was like traveling again and I was at home just in a cozy space watching tv.
I had the little pad on me. It’s like, and I was just relaxed. I think our trip was like the following week and my ovulation test, like I took some ovulation tests and I wasn’t even really thinking about it because I kind of just let it go. I was like, I’m not gonna overthink this.
Mm-hmm. I’m just gonna test and be done with it, but not over test. So I noticed that my ovulation. Tests were positive. Like I had two types of tests and this was the same day that we were leaving on this trip.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And I don’t wanna like give TMI, but I noticed that my cervical mucus, it was a lot, it was a lot more than normal.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessica: So I was like, okay, well we should take advantage of this. We’re intimate or whatever, and I didn’t wanna overthink it, so I was like, okay, let’s just have a good time and had an amazing trip. And I’ll never forget, like thinking Okay. It was always kind of in the back of my mind, am I gonna be a mom? But at the same time, I was like, my life is good right now. Like, I was really happy. I was in a space where it was, things were starting to feel better. It wasn’t so heavy.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: If it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t, and we’ll figure it out, you know?
Like I knew that my husband and I, we loved each other and it was gonna work out with him and I, regardless. So my husband and I, like a couple weeks later, we were gonna go to a hot yoga class. And I remember thinking, yeah, let’s do it. You know, my husband never does hot yoga. Like I was excited that he was gonna do it with me.
’cause yeah, he said, let’s, let’s just do it because he just wanted to try something new. I said, he’s like, sure, I’ll, I’ll go with you. So I was really excited and I said to myself, I don’t know why I like, was I was due for my period and I was like, Hmm, hot yoga. I know that if I was pregnant I wouldn’t be able to take that class.
And this was like on a Friday and I said, I’m just gonna test just to be sure. You know? And I’m thinking
Jamie: Just for peace of mind.
Jessica: Yeah. Just for peace of mind. But I was like, I don’t know why I’m testing. ’cause I’m pretty sure I’m not, because why would it be any different, you know? Mm-hmm. I’ve ovulate before, I’ve had positive ovulation tests and never came out pregnant again. So. Went to the bathroom and I took one of those little dipsticks from Amazon, like I had a bunch of them.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So I basically just sat there, tested, put it to the side, and I’m like looking up and I was like, why am I testing? I always get upset when I see that it’s negative or whatever.
And then not even like a minute later I look over to my left and I see two lines and I’m like, my heart starts racing.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: Two lines. So I got off, you know, I got up really fast and I took the test and I went to my husband and I go and I did the same thing. I was like, am I seeing this right? Are there two lines?
And he’s like, yeah, there’s two lines. I was like, oh my gosh, I’m pregnant. And my husband is very, like, he’s not, he doesn’t show his emotions. But I’m pretty sure I saw a little bit of tears like in his eyes.
Jamie: Oh, how cute.
Jessica: He’ll, he’ll never admit that, like, you know, but I saw them and I was like, oh my gosh.
And the way I felt was completely different than the first time I got pregnant. Like I knew that it was gonna be okay. It just felt different. And not only that, but the week prior, before even knowing that I was pregnant, I remember having like a little bit of nausea.
Jamie: Mm.
Jessica: And for a brief second, I was like, could it be pregnancy? I was like, nah, no, nah. But with this pregnancy, I felt it right away. Like I was feeling symptoms right away.
Jamie: How was your pregnancy? Tell us about it.
Jessica: The pregnancy was actually wonderful.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: As far as far as. The way everything worked out, you know, because of the whole age thing.
Just because of the age alone. They treat you like you’re this special type of, I don’t even know. Yes. So it’s like I, with every test that they have, you do, I was just waiting, okay, what’s gonna happen? Like, I was just waiting for something to happen because they make it seem like something’s gonna happen, you know, uhhuh, whether it’s your blood pressure being too high or you know, your levels being off or whatever the case might be.
But everything was, was great. Like I was very tired. Extremely tired.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: And I did have nausea.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And I had an aversion to like the foods that I loved.
Jamie: Oh no. Yeah.
Jessica: Like all the foods that I loved.
Jamie: What did you do for the nausea? Did anything help?
Jessica: Not too much. I mean, it’s not that I was feeling like I had to throw up.
It’s just very queasy. Sometimes I would eat like little ginger candies mm-hmm. And I would try to drink ginger tea. That helped a little bit.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: But it was one of those things where it was all day. It was constant.
Jamie: Yeah. So what doctor did you decide to go with this time?
Jessica: So, at that point, I wanted to stick with the OB that I had. She’s been wonderful. She was wonderful.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Unfortunately, she stopped taking my insurance.
Jamie: Oh no.
Jessica: I had to kind of do my due diligence and do my research. But it wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t that difficult to find. I ended up finding someone who was pretty close to me and who had very good reviews.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And I ended up scheduling with her and she just ended up being my OB and she, she was wonderful as well. Uhhuh, she was very attentive down to earth. She was actually very funny. Made you feel very comfortable.
Jamie: That’s really nice. And was there anything that you could recommend that kind of helped you with pregnancy?
Jessica: As far as trying to conceive, I think mainly for me, I mean, it’s so individualized to be honest with you. Mm-hmm. And I think everyone should really follow their gut and follow their intuition as far as what avenue to take. Whether it be IUI, whether it be I, you know, IVF, or whether it’s donor eggs, you know, or, or if you wanna continue to get pregnant, naturally, I feel like.
There’s always a way to get what you, where you wanna be. I knew that actually, I was told I wasn’t even a candidate for IVF if I wanted to go down that route because the eggs that I had, it wasn’t, I didn’t have a lot of eggs left, apparently, is what I was told. You know?
And he told me I had 1% chance. I don’t know if that that was true. Like I didn’t believe it to be true and it wasn’t. Mm-hmm. I ended up doing it on my own.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: So I think really, really advocating for yourself is the most important thing too, no matter how that may look like.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: Believe in having trust.
Jamie: You did such a great job of that by just moving to different doctors, moving jobs, just what really worked for you.
Jessica: Yes. And even though at the time. It felt so challenging. I can look back and I remember it’s like a big blurb, but I just remember it feeling so heavy all the time. When you’re in that, in that head space, when you’re in that moment of going through that, it’s just, it’s, it’s a lot. Yeah, it was a lot.
Jamie: Yeah. So when, when did you find out about twins?
Jessica: So, that was another surprise. So I went to my eight week ultrasound and I felt like I was getting signs all the time from the universe. I was nervous because obviously I had the miscarriage, but at the same time I wasn’t nervous because I felt pregnant. So I was nauseous. And some people say that they have cravings. The only cravings that I had I was craving pickle juice, like out of a jar. Like literally every two days or every day I was drinking like a whole thing of pickle juice.
So I was like, this is not normal for me, so I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant. It didn’t last the whole time, but that was like something that I knew. Okay, I, I feel like my body’s pregnant. I’m pretty sure everything is okay. Mm-hmm. But I was still nervous because I had the miscarriage and because of the A MH and they tell you, you know, the quality of the egg and all this other stuff.
So all these things were going through my mind. I went to my eight week appointment and the lady who did my ultrasound, she was wonderful. The first thing that she did was found that heartbeat and she goes, there’s your baby.
Jamie: Oh, I love hearing that.
Jessica: Yeah. She was like, there’s your baby. And I was just like, okay. And I remember on the way there being so nervous. Give me a sign that everything is okay. I’ll never forget driving there. And then the song that came up on the screen is by this band called Zoe, which is Zoe, and that’s the name of my daughter. And we had decided to name her that.
So when I saw that, I was like, okay, I think that’s a good sign. So went to the ultrasound, she found the heartbeat. She’s like, there’s your baby. And I was like, okay. So at that point, my OB recommended that I go to a high risk doctor because of the advanced maternal age.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So my next appointment was 13 weeks.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessica: I was 40 at this point and I remember just being like very into the details. So I wanted to read, like every ultrasound report, I wanted to read all of my labs. I wanted to read like everything. I just wanted to look everything over. So at that eight week appointment, I read the ultrasound and I remember reading something that said that there was some bleeding and it was either ruling out implantation bleeding or second gestational sac.
And when I read that, I was like, Hmm. But then I kind of let it go because the OB didn’t say anything about it. No one mentioned it at the appointment. So I was like, nah, I couldn’t be. So I kind of just forgot about it. So that, so then I go to my appointment for 13 weeks and I’m nervous again because you don’t know.
I feel like every appointment, especially in the beginning, it was very nerve wracking. Be. ’cause you’re still in your first trimester. It’s still early. You don’t know what’s gonna happen. I get there, the technician, it was a totally different person ’cause I’m at a different office. She was nice, but didn’t show a lot of emotion on her face.
And I remember her, you know the screen’s in front of you and she’s like pointing out different body parts. And I’m looking at the screen, I don’t know what I’m looking at. The only thing that I know is the profile. You know the cute little profile. Right. You know what I mean? But she’s like, oh, here’s a leg, here’s a foot.
I’m like, I don’t know what I’m looking at. And then she’s like doing her thing and she asks me, she goes, do twins run in your family? And I was like, no. They run on my husband’s though. And my husband’s, yeah, they run on my side. She’s like, oh. And she’s like, I think I see another sack. Which I’m surprised she even said that because I don’t think she’s supposed to say anything necessarily.
She prints out the pictures, she hands them to me and she’s like, congratulations. And so the doctor comes in and after a while, like we waited like maybe 15 minutes and I was just so nervous. I was like, oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. What’s he gonna say? Is this normal? Is this not? Is, you know, are there twins? I don’t know. So the doctor comes in, he introduces himself and the first thing he says is, everything is normal. The baby looks normal.
Jamie: I love when they do that.
Jessica: Yeah. It’s like the first thing that came out of his mouth. ’cause that was like the main thing that I wanted to know. Yes. Is she okay? Is, is he okay? You know, whatever. And he was like, everything looks normal. And he goes, it does look like you had another embryo. He’s like, but it stopped developing long, long, long time ago. Like, he was basically trying to play it down so I wouldn’t be upset. I guess I, that’s what it felt like.
It felt like he was trying to, he’s like it, it stopped developing like long, long time ago. I was like, okay. He’s like, yeah, it’s a vanishing twin. It’s actually more common than what people may think. And he’s like, my sister was actually a vanishing twin.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Yeah. So everything else other than that, looked really good. The baby was healthy, growing, perfectly fine. So at that point I was just scheduling for my next appointment.
Jamie: This was your 13 week, did you find out the sex at this one?
Jessica: So he recommended I do the NIP test. This is a funny story. I went to get the NIP test done, the blood work, and my sister wanted to plan a gender reveal. And how this was gonna work out was basically the results were gonna be given to her friend. We were gonna try to find a way that her friend would know what the gender was and it would be a surprise for everyone.
Jamie: Uhhuh
Jessica: and me. I was like, just more concerned about, is it gonna come back? Is everything gonna come back normal because of the age and everything else. So I remember getting the results in, and it was very weird the way the results were presented on the portal.
It’s like you had to download this thing and. I remember, like my sister wasn’t available to do it, and then my friend offered to do it for me, and we were gonna plan like this gender reveal and have like this whole thing. And then my friend was like, I’ll, I’ll look for you. But then she said the same thing, like going on the portal.
She didn’t wanna download it because in case, like privacy or something, I don’t know, something weird. Uhhuh. So at that point I was like, you know what, I’m just, I don’t care anymore. I don’t want the gender reveal anymore. I just wanna know, like, I don’t care. You know? I, it’s okay, let’s just cancel that. I just wanna know that the baby’s okay and I wanna know.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessica: So I open it and everything is normal. Everything looks good. And I’m for certain, like intuitively I’m having a girl. Mm-hmm. I had a dream that I was having a girl. I had people tell me, you’re gonna have a girl. Like, they felt like, yeah, you’re gonna be a girl mom. I, I’m like, yeah, I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be a girl mom.
I know that it’s a girl. I had an inkling that it was gonna be a girl. And then I open it up and it says, gender male.
Jamie: Surprise,
Jessica: surprise. So I was like, okay, well I was wrong. I thought I was having a girl says, boy, okay, okay. So I told my husband we’re having a boy, you know, and my mom and you know, a couple of other people. ‘Cause at this point, you know, I was calmly telling certain people certain things. I was trying to be careful with the information that I was giving to people. I didn’t want everyone to know.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: But at the same time, I was so happy and I just didn’t care. Like I wanted everybody to know at the same time,
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Jessica: So I was like, okay, I’m gonna be a boy mom then. So at this point, I think this was maybe I was maybe 14 or 15 weeks or. I was scheduled for my anatomy scan at 17 weeks. Normally it’s 20, but I was actually scheduled at 17 and they were still able to do it even though it was a little bit earlier.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So I went and the technician was doing her thing and she asked me how I was doing, how I was feeling, how was the pregnancy going? I said, everything is really good. I feel better. I’m not nauseous anymore. She’s like, do you know what you’re having? I said, yeah, the NIP test came back that I’m having a boy.
She’s like, okay, fun. So she starts doing the anatomy scan and then she looks at me and she goes, they told you you were having a boy? I said, yes. That’s what the bloodwork said. She said you’re having a girl.
I was like, what? And then she took like this picture on the screen. She even wrote it like, you know how they can type things on the little picture. She goes, I am a girl. And she puts the arrow too, like the body part. She’s like, you’re having a girl. And I was just in shock. But at the same time I was like, I knew it.
I knew I was having a girl. Like I just knew it. So the doctor comes in afterwards, after she took like a million pictures. ‘ cause the anatomy scan, they take pictures of everything. Everything was good. The doctor comes in and he goes, yeah. So you had a little surprise there I go. Yeah. The blood work came back as boy.
He’s like, okay, well the doctor, they have to basically give you all the information. You know what, what could be what if, you know, and basically he said this is most likely due to the fact that you had a vanishing twin. It was picking up. Fragments of DNA of the other embryo
Jamie: uhhuh. Oh.
Jessica: Okay, that makes sense. He’s like, sometimes, sometimes it could come back as a genetic thing where you have like ambiguous genitalia and sometimes it can come back as male or female. He’s like, but my technician took really good pictures and I’m telling you, she is a classic girl.
There’s no mistaking. She’s a girl. So I was like, okay. He’s like, it’s very common for sometimes this to happen when you have a vanishing twin. In fact, they recommend not getting blood work done when you have a vanishing twin for that reason, because sometimes it just comes back inaccurate. Sometimes there’s even positives on genetic conditions that are not the case.
Jamie: That makes sense. ’cause that could have been the problem with the vanishing twin.
Jessica: Mm-hmm. Exactly. And he asked me, he’s like, if you want, we can do more testing again if you wanna find out if you know there’s any other genetic conditions. And I said, at that point I was like, no, I’m good. Because he’s like, the only thing I see is a healthy baby.
And I was like, no, I’m good. No matter what, I, I am gonna love her or him, whatever. Yeah. And I knew like it was a girl. I, I knew she was a girl,
Jamie: so you didn’t even need to wrap your mind around switching. You were just like, okay, am I having a girl?
Jessica: I mean, it, the thing of it is, it felt so natural from the beginning. I am pretty sure it’s a girl. Like, I just felt like it was a girl.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: It, it was more unnatural when I read that it was male, it was like, really? I, it’s almost like I had to wrap my mind mind around that.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: Okay, I’m gonna be a boy mom. I’m sure it’s gonna be great. I’m just happy, you know, the baby’s healthy. When they told me at the anatomy scan, no, you are having a girl. It just felt more like, yeah, that’s what it feels like. It feels like a girl. Yeah. She just new, like I even had a dream about it.
Jamie: I assume like you wanna go like a vaginal birth to be holistic in your story. Tell us like about that.
Jessica: So, I had originally planned to try to be as natural as possible. Mm-hmm. Like I read one book actually called The Mindful Mom to Be Okay.
And it’s basically written by a doula, Uhhuh. And she teaches, she teaches you exercises like pelvic floor exercise. She teaches you breathing techniques. I also took a class that I had purchased from this mom called Mommy to be or something. It was, it’s done by a nurse and she gives you options of choosing whether you do natural or cesarean techniques.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So my, my intention was to do natural birth, vaginal, you know, everything was fine. The pregnancy was looking good. I didn’t have any complications. Blood pressure was always good. I passed my glucose test. Everything was great. So I felt like there was no reason for it to go any other way. The only thing is obviously because of the age, they wanted to induce me at 39 weeks.
Jamie: Of course.
Jessica: So I had been told that when you’re induced that it’s more painful.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. I’ve heard that too.
Jessica: And I think it’s more so because the process is more fast. It’s a lot faster.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So I was scheduled at this point, I was 41 years old. I was scheduled for July 11th. We kind of made a joke about it, like, oh, have this baby on seven 11, it’ll be a seven 11 baby.
But it was basically like a slow process at first. They gave me something to put in my cheek and I think it was basically to soften the cervix. Mm-hmm. And they didn’t wanna give me anything until it was softened and kind of do more of a gradual approach. But what ended up happening is that morning, the next day on the 12th, my water broke on its own at four 30 in the morning.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And as soon as my water broke, the contractions came on very fast and it was painful. I was breathing through it, like I was doing everything that I was told to do in the videos, everything that I had read about. It’s funny because the nurse that I had during that time, I don’t think she believed me when I told her that I was having these contractions and that maybe because it was so slow to dilate that when she would do a cervical check, she couldn’t find like the area, I guess the area that she had to call in another nurse to do it. Wow. And she was like, no, she is, she is starting to dilate. And then finally, like within an hour, I was already like from a two to a four. And that’s when I had to be transferred to the labor, labor and delivery.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessica: And because it was happening kind of fast the pain was like very, very, like all of a sudden just very, very strong. And I was like, okay, I’m gonna try to do this on my own, but this is really, really painful. So. I remember them saying if you do decide to go with an epidural, you wanna wait as long as you can, because if you get it too early, it’ll wear off by the time you’re pushing or something like that. And I was like, okay I don’t want that to happen if I do decide because this is painful. So they gave me something, it was through an IV to kind of take the edge off.
Jamie: Okay.
Jessica: And it did help. It lasted for like an hour and then all of a sudden the pain came back and it was to the point where I felt like I was gonna throw up.
It was so painful.
Jamie: Oh gosh.
Jessica: And then the nurse was like, yeah, well we don’t wanna give it to you till early. You gotta hold off and I was like, this is, this is a lot more painful than it was an hour ago. And my mom was like, I really think you should ask them to check you again because I think you’re dilated more than four at this point.
So I asked, I was like, can you please get the midwife? Because it was not my OB who was available that day to deliver my baby. It was a midwife at the hospital, but everyone at this hospital was extremely nice. They were very, very, very good. I felt like the nurse maybe wasn’t believing me.
So finally the midwife came, she checked me and she was like, girl, you are eight centimeters. You’re a hundred percent you are like almost there. And I said, get me that epidural now, because if not, I’m gonna miss out. Get it now. The anesthesiologist came in, she’s like, are you ready?
And I was like, yes. And apparently this needle is really, really big and whatever. I was like, I don’t care. Just put it in. Like just, just do it. You know? My husband was, yeah, yeah. Like it was so painful that I don’t think the needle, I didn’t even feel the needle. I felt the contractions. It was so strong at that point, because I was almost at the cutoff point.
As soon as they put that needle in, it was smooth sailing.
Jamie: Oh, good.
Jessica: It was smooth. Yeah, it was smooth sailing. They told me that they were gonna come back in a couple of hours for me to start pushing. It was an hour and 45 minutes of pushing and she came out healthy. Perfect baby. I did develop an infection. Okay. Like right after I delivered her, so they had to give me antibiotics through the IV right away.
but other than that, it was, it was great. Like, it, like I recovered very fast and you know, as soon as they gave me those antibiotics, I felt better and it was great. It was, it was really good.
Jamie: That’s amazing. How did you decide to feed your baby?
Jessica: I actually breastfed her. And I was nervous because I had heard stories about people struggling to have their milk come in. But I was very fortunate that my milk came in perfectly fine. It was great. That’s amazing. Yeah.
Jamie: Are you still breastfeeding?
Jessica: am.
Jamie: Oh, that’s amazing. You go girl.
Jessica: I am, I am. I’m just starting the process of night weaning now. Okay. It’s been challenging ’cause I don’t think I’ve slept a full night in over a year. Yeah. And I think it, I think it’s time because I’m back at work almost full time and it’s become more like a habit for her. So I am gently disassociating that.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So it’s been a journey, but it’s been great. I’m very, very fortunate that I’ve had very good supply.
Jamie: Yeah. That is amazing. How was your recovery?
Jessica: Recovery was a little bit challenging because I actually do like legitimately, I have OCD intrusive thoughts for many, many years, and I have learned to manage it.
However, with postpartum, it kind of just magnified. Yeah, big time. Big time. Which was very normal, very common. However, at this point I knew, like I had been avoiding doing exposure therapy, which is for anyone who has OCD or intrusive thoughts and knows how to treat it, that’s basically what’s recommended.
And you need to find a therapist who specializes in intrusive thoughts, OCD. And at that point I was like, I had a therapist and she’s wonderful, but she didn’t specialize. And she said, I think it’s time for you to do this. And I said, yeah, because the intrusive thoughts that I was having, they were all about my daughter.
I can’t do this. I have to take care of this. I have to finally do exposure therapy because it just, it became very challenging. So I found a therapist who’s also holistic, but specialized it in, in this, and she helped me very much with that and it’s been going very well since then.
Jamie: It’s really good that you could like identify that problem and really seek help with that also.
Jessica: I knew that there was a possibility that it could happen because I’ve had a history of it. Mm-hmm. And during pregnancy, I didn’t really struggle with it, which is surprising ’cause sometimes it happens in pregnancy, uhhuh.
But as soon as I had the baby, and I think the lack of sleep, the hormones. All of a sudden they just started like magnifying and it was scary. And my OB was like, this is actually very common, but because you have a predisposition for this, you know, find out about going to a therapist. And I knew that I needed to find a therapist that deals with this specifically.
’cause it’s a very, it’s like its own, own thing. You definitely have to like, I recommend that for anyone who struggles. If it’s a continuous thing to find a therapist who specializes with that. Because they give you the tools. Yeah. They give you the tools that you need too to help manage it.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna talk about your pregnancy or birth?
Jessica: In hindsight now it’s just, I’m just very, very blessed and very for. Fortunate, I’m just so happy to be a mom, and my heart goes out to all the women who have ever had to face challenges or are facing these challenges, and I just wanna wrap myself around them and just give them a huge hug.
Yeah. Because I know exactly what it feels like, but at the same time, I also know what hope can do and believing in what you can do for yourself and advocating for yourself. And it’s amazing the support system that you have and everything, the, you know, everything that you have around you, the tools that you have when you believe in yourself and what can come out of that.
And I just feel like if it could happen for me, then it can happen for anyone. That’s just how I feel.
Jamie: Do you have any plans to have another baby over 40?
Jessica: I mean, right now I think I’m good. I tell myself this too, like if it’s meant to happen, it will happen. It was kind of challenging to have this happened naturally. I haven’t slept in over a year, so it’s like, I think I’m good. I don’t know it, but I will say that right: not right now.
My, my Zoe. She’s beautiful. Perfect. And I, I just feel like there was so much to get here and I’m, I’m very happy where I am.
Jamie: You made this happen too. I love that part of your story. You made this baby happen in your mind first, and that’s the amazing part.
Jessica: Definitely. I definitely believe that a hundred.
Jamie: And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant over 40?
Jessica: Honestly I haven’t had anything too challenging. I think the most challenging thing was just the emotional part of it on the journey of, but the actual pregnancy itself was wonderful. I think more so, it was just worrying a little bit because of previous experiences. Mm-hmm. But I think it’s natural for that to happen and I think a lot of women will always say, if you could go back, we wish that we could just enjoy the moment more so.
Be more present, but it just, it’s difficult. Like because of the experience or trauma that you might’ve experienced, it’s, I think it’s natural for us to be like worrying, but the pregnancy itself, there was not anything too challenging except in the third trimester sleeping. Yeah.
Positioning of sleeping. I think that’s the most challenging thing. And then constantly having to get up to go to the bathroom. Yeah. I think that was like probably the most challenging thing I can honestly say. Yeah.
Jamie: Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Jessica: Honestly, the support system is one of the most important things.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Making sure that you have people in your corner that are gonna uplift you. Mm-hmm. I know that sometimes people, they mean well, but sometimes they just say the wrong thing.
Jamie: Ugh. They do.
Jessica: They do. I think it’s more so it’s better for them to say, you know.
I hear you, and this must be so difficult for you, and what can I do to help you? As opposed to, oh, have you thought about adoption? Have you done this? Have you done that? I’m sure you’ve heard many stories of, and I know that they’re trying to be helpful, but they’re saying the wrong things.
Jamie: Yeah.
Jessica: It’s more so like just saying, wow. Like that’s really, that must be really hard for you, and what can I do for you? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I think, I think that’s the best advice I can give.
Jamie: That’s great. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant, if you could go back?
Jessica: I think basically the same thing of just enjoy it. Enjoy the moment, because I love being pregnant. I love looking at my belly, you know? And just enjoy the things that you can do when you’re pregnant, you know? As much as you can just be present in it.
Jamie: Yeah. That’s great. Mm-hmm. And a lot of our listeners are trying to conceive, what do you tell the woman that’s over 40 trying to conceive? What advice do you have for her?
Jessica: I think to not give up and listen to yourself. Listen to your inner knowing and advocate for yourself because deep down, you know what’s the best route and best avenue for you to go down.
Jamie: And where can our listeners connect with you?
Jessica: I am on Facebook. I don’t go on Facebook very often, but I am on Facebook. Jessica Valdez algo, that’s my name. And then on Instagram, Jessica dot Melissa.
Jamie: Jessica, thank you so much for sharing your story and coming on the show.
Jessica: Of course. Thank you so much for having me.