On Episode 98, we have Amanda on to share her IVF journey at 45. Amanda met her husband at 25 and married at 30. As a couple they thought about not have children at all. That is, until she was in her early 30’s when her husband suggest they have children after he questioned what are they doing this for. She is the oldest of four kids and was a nanny all through college. She was flexible and had her son, spontaneously at 34 after a heartbreaking pregnancy loss. She had a great pregnancy with her first baby. Amanda’s husband was ready for a second right away but Amanda wasn’t sure. She started a business and time went on. In her early 40’s she wondered if she waited too long to have a baby. At 44, she had an epiphany that if she wanted another baby, she better make the decision now. Not wanting to wait, she assumed her only option was IVF, and made consultation appointments with a few clinics in North Texas. Find out how her IVF journey went, her pregnancy, a surprising birth and recovery.
If this is your first time here, I’m Jamie Massey and the host of the podcast. It took us 3 years, 5 pregnancies, failed IVF, and a failed embryo transfer to have our first baby using donor eggs at 43 years old. You can go here to learn more about my story.
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Episode 98 Transcript:
Jamie: Amanda, welcome to the show.
Amanda: Hi, I’m so happy to be here. Thanks for inviting me.
Jamie: We are sharing Amanda’s story at 45 today, let’s start with your pregnancy with your 12-year-old .
Amanda: I met my husband when I was 25 years old and we had a long courtship. We didn’t get married till I was 30, so five years later we got married, but at first we entertained the idea that we might not have children, that we might just be, a couple who just works.
I think we used to call ’em dinks, dual income, no kids. So we’re like, maybe we’ll be dinks. And we kind of just thought that for a couple years because I remember it very vividly. My husband came to me after work one day and he just looked at me and he goes, I think we’re gonna regret it if we don’t have kids.
And I was like, okay. I wanted him to explain more. And he goes, what are we doing this for? What is all this for? When we get a little older, we don’t have children or grandchildren to spend our years with. so I was like, okay. And I honestly didn’t have to think very long about it.
For whatever reason, I was pretty flexible about it one way or the other. I’m the oldest of four kids and I was a nanny all through college. So I felt like I could go either way. I knew what it took to take care of children. I felt competent to do that, but I also knew it was a lot of work. I was just really open to either way. When he came and had a change of heart, I was open to exploring that.
Jamie: How old were you whenever y all decided this?
Amanda: I was 32.
Jamie: Okay.
Amanda: We started trying to get pregnant when I was 32. And so we didn’t get pregnant right away.
And we weren’t doing anything special to try to be honest. It was just a stroke of luck when we did get pregnant. But that ended in a pretty early miscarriage. I was 32, but I was close to being 33 when we had the miscarriage.
The doctor had told us to wait a few months before we tried again. I don’t know why we didn’t do anything special to try and we even had some like distance between us. I think it affected me a lot more than it affected my husband. And so we had a little distance there and things went sideways for a second. And we weren’t trying, you know what I mean? Yeah. We weren’t trying to, to get pregnant right away.
Jamie: There’s a lot of strain that can happen. Whenever you have a loss like that.
Amanda: Yeah. It, it just took me by complete surprise.
I don’t know why, I just thought I’ll get pregnant. Mm-hmm. Now I’m pregnant and that I’m gonna have a baby. And I didn’t even entertain the idea. I told literally everyone the second, I got pregnant so everybody knew and then, then all of a sudden I was like, oh my gosh. I was just literally shocked.
I used to tutor kids after school. I started to miscarry when I was at their house getting ready to tutor them, and I was just in denial, like, no, this isn’t happening. I was just so shocked.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Amanda: I just did not see it coming. And so when I came home to tell my husband about it, he was upset and sympathetic, but like, it didn’t even hit me until probably a week later.
Jamie: Yeah.
Amanda: You know, I was just kind of like, just didn’t process it. I just thought, well, maybe this isn’t real, you know, and I went to the doctor and everything to confirm that I’d lost the pregnancy, but it just didn’t, it took me a second to actually accept it, I guess, even though it was early on. It was before I was eight weeks.
I knew really early too, so I had been pregnant for a few weeks. I knew before I missed my cycle because I think that month I was testing too. So it took me a while to process that. And we didn’t try to get pregnant until I turned 33 in January and then by June we we got pregnant again. Mm-hmm. With my son. I was a little more nervous that time because I knew what had happened about nine months earlier.
And a lot of thoughts were coming up like, oh, if I hadn’t miscarried, I would be having a baby right now instead of getting a pregnancy test out right now. I was so excited though. So it was buffered and we did wait to tell people this time though. Mm-hmm. We waited 12 weeks, like, the standard time.
We did all the things since I was 33 and I was gonna be 34 when I delivered. I had to see a perinatologist like an advanced maternal age. I think it was because they had seen something in my uterus early on, like before the 20 week scan or something. I was at the advanced maternal age even though I was only gonna be 34. They actually literally told me not to Google it.
Now. They said Don’t Google it ’cause it’ll scare you. I was like, okay and I didn’t for once. I actually listened and it was something that could have been very serious. So I had to be heavily monitored. They were always checking me all the time. So I had a million sonograms, which I didn’t mind ’cause I was like, okay, okay, great. I like seeing sonograms.
I did have a lot of vomiting starting, it was late, strangely, starting at like 12 weeks until the end.
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: So I didn’t have it at the beginning, which was weird. Yeah. But that was the only symptom that I had. Otherwise I felt like a prize peach walking down the street, like I felt fine the whole time. I was walking miles and miles a day. I was just living my life. I didn’t have aches, I didn’t have pains, I didn’t have headaches, I had nothing. I only had the nausea and the vomiting, which is kind of bad. But honestly, I didn’t have fatigue. I had nothing without pregnancy. So it was a really positive experience except for the getting sick all the time. But I just got used to that part and didn’t, I just got used to that. I guess if you kind of become a professional vomiter when you’re at that point, you know what I mean?
That pregnancy went really easily. And now he he did come very, very, very, very, very late. Because I wanted to have him naturally in the hospital. So I didn’t want to induce.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Amanda: And he just did not wanna come out. And so, I don’t know how they let me go this long, but I do know it was before that big landmark study they did, showing that 39 weeks is the sweet spot for induction for outcomes. Mm-hmm. But this was before that, that was a 2015 study. So I guess they were probably worried about me pushing it so long, but they let me go until I was 42 and a half weeks
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: Before my child decided to come. Ugh. And I was fine. That’s the weird thing. I was completely comfortable and was, was okay waiting every day. I was fine. I was not uncomfortable and he was almost nine pounds. And I felt fine. It was very strange.
Jamie: That’s amazing.
Amanda: My water had broken the day he was born and I was in no rush to go the hospital. I wanted to kinda labor at home a little bit. I was walking the dogs and I came home. My husband was like, we have to go to the hospital now. This had been like all day. So we finally went to the hospital. And his birth was fine, although it ended up being unsuccessfully, kind of medicated because I had an unsuccessful epidural. So it was kind of halfway natural and halfway not. But the birth went fine. It was a positive experience except for pain. It was positive, but they wouldn’t let me have as many people in the room as I wanted, even though they had told me that I could, I guess at the end, since he was so late, they kind of changed their mind.
Or there was some other policy that came into play that I wasn’t aware of. And so I was only allowed to have a doula, my husband and one other person. I literally wanted everybody in there that I could.
Jamie: Who else did you want?
Amanda: I wanted my sister, my best friend, my stepmom, like anybody, like I just, I
Jamie: come on in.
Amanda: Just wanted everybody there. I just thought it would be the more, the merrier. They wouldn’t let me, so that was a disappointment. But he was born naturally naturally vaginally. And, and then we took him home. Nursing was a, was a breeze. He nursed really well. No pain. I nursed him forever, till he was almost two years old and
Jamie: Oh wow.
Amanda: He was great. So that sets the stage for a different pregnancy that I experienced with my daughter, 12 years later.
Jamie: What made y’all want to have another kid? Like why the space?
Amanda: My husband didn’t want any space, he wa was interested in having another baby right away. I was very focused on my son. Probably to the point where I just indulged his every desire at every moment. But I was very focused on him. He is two, I’m 35, he’s three, I’m 30 six and I started a business when he was 18 months old. I started a business online. It was an online brand, and it turned into a big national conference. And I was very busy from 2015 to 2020 when I sold it.
And my husband kept bringing up like, I’d like to have another one. And I just couldn’t imagine doing that business where I was the majority owner and I was the president. And also I had my young son who was a preschooler and having another baby, like I just couldn’t conceive of it. I was just like, there’s just no way.
I know people do it, but in my mind I was like, I just don’t think I can do it. Yeah. I didn’t feel like I had the bandwidth for it. I already felt guilty with him and like working yeah. I felt like I would do too much work or, am I neglecting him? So I was like, it’s gonna be another baby to take even more time away from him and have trouble giving time to the new baby. So I just kept putting it off.
And during that time, we made a big move to Arizona for my husband’s work. So when we got there and I was kind of positioning myself to sell my business, my ownership in the business, which took a year to get that all together. COVID happened right at the tail end of that. So I had actually taken my IUD out right I was probably 38. And now people are gonna be saying, well, gosh, you’re already getting up there, aren’t you?
But I didn’t even think about it like that. I just thought, oh, maybe we’ll get pregnant. I’ll take my IUD out. And we’re not very good planners or organizers for these kinds of things, so we didn’t put any kind of effort into trying. It was, and my husband was under a lot of stress actually, and so was I.
So we didn’t even have very many opportunities to make it happen. So we didn’t get pregnant and COVID hit and I was like, I’m putting my IUD back in which is what I did. I put it back in because I just got nervous. It was like a weird time. And we were trying to move and go back to Texas during COVID. So it was a whirlwind.
Jamie: Yeah, I can imagine.
Amanda: So I was just like, I’m not doing this during a pandemic and during another, halfway across the country move situation. Mm-hmm. And when I’m like, finalizing the sell of my business it was just like, okay, no, put her back in, put that IUD back in there and we’re not doing this right now.
And then we get back to Texas in I was, I was 41 or 42. And at that point I was just like thinking I waited too long, you know? Mm-hmm. I was like, I think I waited too long. So I, the ship might have sailed and I kind of put it back of my mind. My husband would bring it up, but then he had additional concerns that I know not everyone would have, but he is six or seven years older than me. And I was 41 or 42 when we kinda were talking about it a little bit or he was asking me about it really.
I’m like, why are we going to try this? And he was having concerns though, like, oh my gosh, your eggs are old. Like, what if we suffer many miscarriage aids or what if we have babies that don’t make it. We spooked ourselves out of it for a little bit. Fast forward a few years later, I’m 44 and a half I like to say, and I have an epiphany. I realize at this point the ship really has kind of sailed . I think I had a panic moment where I was like, oh my gosh, I’m 44 and if I do want to have another baby, if I even wanna even think about it, I have to actually think about it now and like make the decision.
Mm-hmm. So that was always, it was never, no, it was like, not right now, no way. You know, this is not the right time. Let’s put the IUD back in or whatever it was, and like, wait. Yeah. And I’m like, oh my goodness, I’m 44. Like, I probably do need an answer. And I couldn’t say, the answer was no. I felt like I’m gonna regret this if we don’t try to make this happen and grow our family.
Mm-hmm. So I went to my husband and told him about my epiphany and he was just like. Okay. Finally, what should we do? Should we look into adoption? That was his first thing because we’re like, you know, we’re older. Like, what should we, so we did look into adoption actually, because we’re still kind of spooked about years of miscarriages you know.
Mm-hmm. And so we were like, maybe we should do adoption. So we looked into that and we had a few barriers because of our age. So some of our, some of the adoption agencies were honest with us saying that that we, maybe we could be matched with someone, but to not be discouraged if it took a long time because of our age.
Jamie: Oh, no.
Amanda: So they were gently saying that someone might not match with us because of our age. You know what I mean? Yeah. So we were like, well, we’re burning daylight here. You know what I mean? We’re like, we don’t wanna wait years and years to be even older. So then we thought about embryo adoption, people who have embryos are not gonna use, they donate or adopt, I guess in quotes them out.
Mm-hmm. And we looked into that, but as we were looking through different people’s profiles my husband’s like, why don’t we just try, why don’t we go not try naturally? Because we didn’t have the patience for that. And we were burning daylight here. Why don’t we go to the doctor and see what the actual situation is instead of just guessing about what it is so that’s what we did.
We went to fertility clinic here in the county where we live here in North Texas. I went to three different doctors before I made my final collection.
Jamie: What kind of doctors?
Amanda: So a actual fertility clinic. Okay. I didn’t bother going to my OB to get a referral ’cause I already knew they would refer me to somebody, you know, when I asked them questions at my age. So I went directly to different fertility clinics and got like a consultation or whatever. Mm-hmm. And then we ended up going with one that was close to us and also who had a very high success rate.
And that’s really what we looked for. We didn’t look for bedside manner. I kind of make a joke about it, which I don’t know if it offends anybody, but the clinic that we picked, I nicknamed the baby factory because they had a very high success rate and it was like a well-oiled machine.
You got into their little system, it was like pumping them in and pumping ’em out and like getting these moms through here and getting their babies and getting them out. I wouldn’t vouch for the bedside manner there, but it was I made the selection on purpose because I really wanted to get the best chance if we we’re gonna try to have another baby with me. So we had our concerns, can I even carry a baby? So they assured us that I could carry a baby. So I trusted them on that. And we started the process with the doctor.
Jamie: So you went down the path of doing an egg retrie.
Amanda: Yes. So we did we did egg retrieval and we were surprised that we got 10 eggs.
Jamie: That’s great.
Amanda: And that was really positive. It was very positive. And we did have four embryos in the end and we did test them for sex and, and everything. We did the PGT tuck thing. I can never say those two, those three letters together. We did do the testing because we already had our boy and we did want a girl. And so we were lucky enough to get two of each. So we could’ve got, just had all boys, but we still would’ve been very happy over the moon with that but we were just really lucky to choose from as well. So that’s what we chose.
Jamie: That’s awesome. Now take us through your transfer. Did you prepare for it at all?
Amanda: I did, I did. It was almost superstitious. So I prepared for it. So now did I prepare my body? Maybe kind of. I was trying to be as healthy as I could. I was eating all the food they say to eat the pineapple, the fruits, it seems like it was always fruits that they were telling you to eat and some of the like minerals and things like that. I was loading up on all of those kind of supplements.
But more what I did to prepare was I almost had like a little shrine on my island. It was like a baby shrine. And so I had a good friend send me flowers. Several weeks before, and I had flowers and I had the patron saint of I wish I could remember the Patron Saint’s name, but there’s like a saint of IVF or fertility.
Yes. I got to, and I had the little, yes, I had the little card of the medallion. I had a special fertility candle. I had pineapple. Like I literally had a little shrine there. And I was just so excited. The transfer part was the most exciting, probably time of my life, to be honest. So it was, I went and starry-eyed.
And I just can’t describe it. Like to this day it was one of the most positive and most exciting. I just went in all in, maybe I should have been a little bit more reserved, but I wasn’t, I was super excited. That’s all I can say. It was just so exciting when it got down to the transfer.
So I actually do have an interesting story about the whole process of me getting approved for my transfer. Be because what had happened was
Jamie: approved?
Amanda: Yes. Because what happened was something very strange. And so this might be interesting to some people because they had never seen this and it, to this day I was a medical mystery, but we solved it.
So we, it we went to get, start prepping for the transfer and start all the shots and stuff. And they do blood work, you know, they do all the time. So they do blood work and mine comes back like activated for varicella, which is chicken pox. I had been feeling unwell, not related to this. I’ll spoiler alert, not related to this, but I had told the nurse, oh, I was unwell X, Y, Z days ago, whatever.
I don’t know why she was, we were talking about something and then she gets my blood test back and she goes, well, I think we might have known why you were unwell because you are testing positive for varicella, which is chickenpox. So do you have shingles? And I was like, no, I do not have shingles. I do not have chickenpox.
I had a cough. That’s not anything to do with those two things. She goes, well, it’s definitely there, so you need to come back and test again. So I come back and test again. I have super high numbers for as if I have chickenpox and or varicella. So the reason they do check for that is because if you do have shingles or chickenpox while you’re pregnant, it is extremely dangerous to the baby.
Jamie: Okay.
Amanda: Extremely dangerous. So they check everybody for that, you know? Mm-hmm. That’s like normal thing. But I was just like, I do not have shingles. I knew I didn’t have shingles, I didn’t have any symptoms. Nothing. Okay. So they sent me to, they’re like, we’re gonna have to go check it out with I went to three doctors.
I went to my regular doctor, check, do I have shingles? Check me out. No, you don’t have shingles. Go to the OB GYN for some reason. Go to her and say, do I have shingles or what’s the deal? Like, they wanted more explanation about what are the risks, what are the dangers? Does she actually have shingles? Like, what’s gonna happen if she gets pregnant? And she has all this varicella, so the, the OB GYN says, oh my gosh, I don’t know. I have to refer you to infectious disease experts. So meanwhile, we’re ticking down the days, and I’ve already started all the shots. We’re ticking down the days to do the transfer.
And I’m hell Ben, on doing the transfer on the day because I’m so excited and I’ve already done all these shots and I’m getting to this moment. And all the infectious disease doctors are usually very booked up ’cause of a very small specialty. It’s not like they don’t have a ton of doctors. So I’m calling and I think at the moment I literally, they were gonna have, it was some kind of decision making day.
Like I had 48 hours to get some kind of answer or I was gonna have to stop and pause it all over and just wait until the next thing. So I was like, no, we’re not doing that. So I called so many doctors and I got in somebody like the next day, like they had a cancellation.
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: And he wasn’t able to give us the answer that day, but he was able to give us enough of an answer where they were confident to let me go ahead and keep taking the shot
Jamie: what happened?
Amanda: So what happened is, maybe the illness that I had, it was an unrelated, like respiratory illness. He says if you’ve had chickenpox, it can be activated in your system. And sometimes your body just fights it off. Great. It’s probably, that’s what mostly happens. Sometimes it doesn’t, and you can get shingles.
He said however, whatever was happening, it was in my blood, or no, it was not in my blood. He said, it’s in your nerves. It’s not in your blood. If we gave you a titer, T-I-T-E-R right now, it would not show varicella in your blood because it’s in your nerves. He your nerves, he said the test, they did test for antibodies, that’s not the same thing.
It doesn’t mean it’s in your blood. So I had to do a special test. By the way, LabCorp had no idea what this test was, and he had to argue with them on the phone for, it was like obstacle after obstacle after obstacle. But I was so excited that I just. Forcing to go through. I was like, we are not doing this.
And yeah, they assured me like, it’s not in your blood. Sure enough, the titer comes back. There’s no varicella in my blood, so I must have just successfully fought off a shingle attack basically is what had happened.
Jamie: Wow, that’s fascinating.
Amanda: So no one had ever heard of that. Nobody at the clinic, nobody knew what was going on.
And so that was a bit of an anomaly. But anyway, went through the rest of the transfer cycle did all the superstitious fun things on transfer day. Ate the french fries, wore the socks , took the pictures, me and my husband with our little hairnets on and our little pictures of our embryo.
Took the little picture of the embryo home, put it on my shrine, set a prayer, and went to bed that night. And I will tell you and your listeners might know what I’m talking about, if they’re at various stages of this journey, I knew so much or read so much, so many people’s like experiences about what it’s, when they could tell they were pregnant, you know what I mean?
Like right away. Mm-hmm. All the little signals and signs. And I remember very distinctly a woman saying that she felt like someone had put out a little cigarette on her lower abdomen like very shortly after, within 12 hours or 24 hours. And she felt like she knew, that was an embedding.
And other people were agreeing, who knows? This was on a forum. But I had that exact distinct feeling and it was actually painful and it was very brief. And I said, oh my gosh, I think I’m pregnant. Like, I literally, I could have manifested that in my body. Like I could have literally, my body literally could have just concocted that up.
But I had that feeling And, that very first day, which you wouldn’t have any other symptoms, but I felt that feeling and I just knew I went to bed that night and I just thought, I, I think I’m pregnant. And I was just very excited. So then if they always tell you, don’t test. Yeah. Right. Who is listening to that?
That’s all I say. I’m like, who has the willpower?
Jamie: Not me.
Amanda: Not me. I’m like, I’m testing on 48 hours out. You, I know. There’s literally no way. You know what I mean? That there’s no way. But I’m like, I’m testing immediately. But a few days later I think I probably tested on day. I’m sure I tested on day three or four, you know, really early. Mm-hmm. And I remember on day three though, the reason why I was excited to test that’s way too early, way, way, way too early is because I had a wave of nausea.
Jamie: And day three.
Amanda: Yeah, a real wave of nausea. Very brief. But I’m also a Ws, so like I can feel things happen, you know what I mean? I feel
Jamie: mm-hmm.
Amanda: I’m a hypervigilant monitor of my body, so I just felt a wave nausea, and I said, oh my gosh, I think I’m right. And then I got an early positive really soon, like on day five. Now, was it clear to everyone else? No. Could you pick it up in a photo? Not really saw, but could I see it with my eye? I could see it with my eye.
Could my husband see it? Not really. He was like I think I might see it, because I definitely wouldn’t trust that. I’m like, well, I trust it. And in my mind I was like, I’m pregnant. So I took tests twice a day, every day. Like most people, I don’t know, not most, but most people I interacted with on Facebook groups, we were all doing the same thing, taking ’em twice a day looking at.
With a magnifying glass, how dark is it? And I kept all the, I still have all the tests. I take pictures of the gradient and, sending it into Facebook groups and everybody’s , talking about it or commenting on it and things like that. Just tons of tests before I even get to the doctor, to do the blood test.
Yeah. And so I walk in and do the blood test. Of course I’m over the moon because I, you know, I’m like, you already know. Aren’t you know I’m pregnant? Yeah. They’re like, oh, you tested. I’m like, yeah. Do you ever have people coming here that don’t have a clue? They’re like, sometimes I was like, okay, well good for them.
I’m like, that’s not me. So yeah. So that the whole transfer is just such a positive fond memory. We were so, so lucky that it happened on our first transfer. Yeah. And I was just, I was dogged that it had to happen., I was just jumped through so many hoops. It was crazy.
Jamie: Yeah. Like you manifested this.
Amanda: Yeah. Like I was like, this is going through, we’re doing this.
Jamie: Do you remember what your HCG numbers were?
Amanda: Oh my goodness. I should, they weren’t anything unreasonable, so I do know that I remember they were a little high. Mm-hmm. The first time I took like, the first blood test. And when I say I wish I could give you the parameters, but I don’t remember.
I just remember thinking, Ooh, is that high? Is this, did my embryo split? Like everybody Yes. Wondering about, so I’m like Googling, you know, is this high enough for twins and all that kind of, all those kind of fun things. But I think my second one came back and it just, whatever, it tripled the first time, which was positive.
Jamie: That’s great.
Amanda: And then I think they did a third test. I probably I can’t remember what the number did, but, they were, you know, they were happy with whatever the number was doing, and I, you know, I was, I was pleased and comfortable and confident, so.
Jamie: That’s awesome. So tell us, how was your pregnancy?
Amanda: It was not like my first pregnancy. So at this point, I’m 45 and I’m pregnant, and I expected it to be exactly like my first one. And so I was six and a half weeks pregnant, and I was actually at a conference. I was actually at the conference that I had sold with one of my best friends for the first time.
I went back to this conference after I had sold it. So it was like five years later. And so I’m like, oh, we’re gonna be at this conference. It’s so fun. And I was six and a half weeks pregnant. I was, had plenty of energy. I felt fine. I was like, this is gonna be a breeze. This pregnancy’s gonna be fine. I feel fine.
I’m about to be seven weeks pregnant. I haven’t felt a thing. And the day after that conference, I thought I was gonna have to be on life support. Like I had, I literally crashed, like I couldn’t get off the couch, like physically, not mentally, physically couldn’t. Like my body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
The fatigue just came out of nowhere. I never experienced anything get to that point or sense. The newborn fatigue was nothing compared to that. Postpartum was nothing compared to that. It was soul crushing fatigue. And I was very surprised by that. Very surprised. I did not see that coming. He was 11 at the time, my son to take care of, you know, I mean, he is older, but I still had to take care of him and do everything.
Sure. And I was working, but I, I had quit. I was an interior decorator for Dallas design firm and I had the, I had the foreknowledge to know this might be trickier than I think it’s gonna be. And I did like step away from that.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Amanda: Just in time to crash. ’cause that would’ve been fired because I couldn’t do anything, like anything. So that did last a while and I think it was a combination of all those pit. ’cause I had to do the big giant Pitocin in oil shots. I don’t know, not everybody does that.
Jamie: Oh, progesterone.
Amanda: That was a, yeah, progesterone, sorry, not Pitocin.
Mm-hmm.
The progesterone in oil shots. That was my protocol. And I had to do that for 12, like till week 12 uhhuh. And I honestly think that I had a lot to do with my fatigue. Mm. Because it just knocked me out. Yeah. It was just too much progesterone for me, I think. And I mean, they didn’t test the protocol. They didn’t test for progesterone. They gave you max dose and sent you out the door. And I was, it flooded me. I was, it was just. Knocked me off my butt.
Jamie: Did you go back to your OB that you used to use?
Amanda: I went to a due doctor to be closer to where we live ’cause before I was in a couple times over, so I went to a new doctor and they were fine. I think when I was younger, when I had my son, I was really particular about like having a doula and having a special specific doctor and all these things. But when I had my daughter, I was way more like, let’s just get this done. I wasn’t so particular. I didn’t fall in love with any of ’em, but they were fine.
I also went to advanced maternal age doctor as well to get extra scans. They did release me from her though at a certain point after they did enough scans and saw that everything was fine, they speak from her and I didn’t actually stay with her the entire time.
Jamie: Oh, good.
Amanda: I can’t remember what point that was, or probably some point after the, I mean, I was pretty far showing, but I didn’t have to keep going. Yeah. They released me back to my obs care and didn’t need to see me anymore. Okay. So that was good.
Jamie: Yeah. What about products? Was there anything that helped you during pregnancy that you could recommend?
Amanda: Well, I don’t know if I recommend it, but this is what I had to do. I did take the is it Dramamine or not Dramamine, whatever is safe that you can take it. And it’s not, it’s like a. And insomnia over the counter medicine for sleep that helps with nausea and pregnancy and it’s safe to take during pregnancy.
I did have a lot of nausea and vomiting with this one too, but the fatigue was worse, the one that really distressed me. Yeah, Uhhuh. But I did take that for the nausea and the vomiting, but honestly, that probably that made the fatigue even worse.
Jamie: Oh, no.
Amanda: Sleeping pill. It’s like a sleeping pill. So yeah, it was like not a good thing. So I don’t know if I recommended it, but I really did have to do it because I wasn’t eating like at all for a while. Especially at the beginning. Yeah, yeah. I was just dreading eating. I made up for that later, but at first I wasn’t putting on a lot of weight and then I really made up for it later.
But like I did do that. I will say like I did do a lot of winter green, like peppermint type things and that did help. But to this day I can’t have winter green anymore ’cause it just reminds me of that time. But they did help, I have to say and what else did I do that helped?
Some of the things were just lifestyle things. Like, this is so sad, but like, if you need to sit down on a stool while you do the dishes and while you cook, like just sit on a stool. That’s what I did. If you need to sit down in the bottom of a shower, that’s what you need to do. Like, I couldn’t even stand out to shower.
Jamie: Oh, wow.
Amanda: I couldn’t waste energy on that when I needed to get my son’s backpack to the back door. And my husband did a lot too, but it’s just like, he can’t do it all. He is working, you know? And so just, some of it is just like, do whatever. Accommodations that you need to like survive. And yeah, so yeah, a lot of it did resolve though, I have to say after the progesterone shots. A lot of fatigue resolved after that. So that was a relief, although I was still very tired, but I could function and I could take a standing shower again.
Jamie: So did you get your appetite back later?
Amanda: Yes. And so yeah, I did. And I was still nauseous and kind of sick the whole time, but it not enough to determine me from eating. I was really, really hungry. And so I ended up gaining less weight but ending up at the same weight as I was with my son because I started out bigger with him. I was tiny and I gained a million pounds with him to end up at a certain weight. Then with her, I was already halfway there, so I didn’t gain as much, but I ended up the same freaking weight. So that must’ve been the weight my body is at when they’re pregnant. When it’s pregnant.
Jamie: That’s funny. Did you have any cravings?
Amanda: No, I will say this, I just, no, not specific. I just craved food. Like if I just had something specific, I would hyper focus on if that’s a craving. But I would eat it for like a week straight, i’d just be on a kick.
Mm-hmm.
Nothing interesting. That was like, Ooh, that’s weird. Yes, mostly savory things. Mm-hmm. And with my son, with the opposite, I craved like grape juice and grape slushies with him and with my daughter I wanted, this is so bad. I, I did have trouble eating for like, at least half of the pregnancy and I would go get the worst fast food. That sounds like it would be disgusting, but was the only thing that was palatable. Like a burrito at Taco Bell or a taco a Jack in the box. And that’s all I would eat for a like two weeks.
’cause it’s the only thing that sounded appetizing. And then it would be disgusting again and I’d have to find something else. That didn’t happen the whole time, but it was a, it was a few months there where I was going every day to go get something very specific and not good. Not anything I would want right now. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.
Jamie: Yeah.
Amanda: But it was the only thing that I wanted to eat. That was really strange.
Jamie: That’s funny. But it’s almost like survival. You’re like, what can I actually eat at that time?
Amanda: Yeah. And it’s just like, I don’t even like these, but that’s all I wanted. It was just like I have to, it was the only thing I could eat.
Jamie: That’s funny. Yeah. Well, tell us, because your son is 12 now, how did you prepare for birth in her arrival?
Amanda: So it was a lot different than his, because like I said, I had a doula with him, so I was gonna do all natural. I did hypnobirth, I did meditations every day for months. And with her, my birth plan was this. I went into it thinking I would like to have a baby that’s alive and me alive too. That was literally the goal.
And I hadn’t added one that I said, this time I don’t wanna be in pain. I wanted to enjoy, spoiler alert, it doesn’t go as planned, but I wanted to enjoy the experience and be really present and that for me, that meant pain relief with my son. I was not present. Until, like, way after he was even there. Like, I don’t remember large portions of it at all.
Like it was, it’s just, I don’t remember things. I was just, I was blinded by pain, uhhuh, like it was blinded to the point where I didn’t remember with him. And so with her, I thought, I’m gonna do this differently. I want an epidural immediately and I wanna be present and I wanna be talking to people and happy and just experiencing this and ready for her to come out.
And so I did get an epidural really early. And Uhhuh, unfortunately, it was also unsuccessful.
Jamie: Oh no. Well, did you have all the people in the room this time?
Amanda: I did for just the laboring part, but here’s what happened. We had an unplanned, urgent csection in the end.
Jamie: Okay.
Amanda: So. We, I did epidural it, it failed, which was fine.
Like half of my body was in on fire and pain and the other half was okay. So it, it’s the same thing that happened with my son. It’s like something about my spine. They can’t get it on both sides. I don’t know.
Jamie: So, so tell us how far along were you?
Amanda: Oh yeah, that’s a good point. I was about to be 38 weeks and my blood pressure out of nowhere shot up at one of my visits. And so I went home and they said monitor it, and I monitored it and it just kept staying really high. So I was calling the after hours number and they kept telling me, go ahead and go to the hospital and get checked out. The next day they talked to the doctor I went to that it was still it was still raised and they sent me home to monitor it again.
The baby wasn’t showing any issues and it was high, but it wasn’t like, oh my gosh, you have preeclampsia or anything like that. It was just very high. So I was monitoring it and then that was the weekend. And then on Sunday I was like, it’s just high. It was just high all the time. It was high every time I checked it and I got nervous and it was calling into the line and I had left a message with our answering service.
They were supposed to be getting with the doctor to let me know what I should do, should I go to the hospital to get checked out. For some reason, that message never went to my doctor. And I went the entire day on Sunday until my husband was like, did you hear from them that I’m like, no. So he is like, I called them back again and said, I need to know what I’m supposed to do is still going on.
And they, there had been a problem. There’s, there had been a miscommunication and a doctor was never alerted. So as soon as they found out, they sent me to the hospital immediately when I told them what my readings were, I was like, okay, nevermind. I was just at home all day. They sent me there, but I thought I was just gonna be checked out again, to be honest.
Mm-hmm. And so I didn’t, I just went by myself in sweatpants with a purse and left everybody here at home because I thought, well, they’re gonna check me out and they’re gonna talk to the doctor and they’re gonna do blood tests and see what’s going on. So I get there and they say, well, you’re already, you’re about to be 38 weeks, and so we’re just gonna go ahead and induce you because you are having some issues here.
And it is probably, it could turn into preeclampsia and you’re here your age, this, you know, your blood pressure is not great. And so they said they were gonna doce me. I was like okay. So I wasn’t ready and it didn’t have anything with me. My husband and son were just at home chilling.
They had to bring me my bag that I luckily had packed and come up to the hospital. But they went back home because they just started me on something, whatever they start you on to induce you like vaginally. I had cramps all night and I told ’em I would call them when it’s time to come in the morning, like something’s happening. And they came later that next day on Monday.
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Amanda: And, what, whatever happened, things started to progress and I got the epidural really early because like I said, it was starting to get very painful. I’m like, I’m doing the epidural now. It worked a little bit at first, but it really ended up not working.
And it was very painful, but I labored and labored and labored and labored all day, and they didn’t understand why I was it progressing because they had the Pitocin turned all the way up and I could feel it on half of my body, and they were very strong contractions. And at the end my daughter was starting to show signs of distress.
Jamie: Oh.
Amanda: And she wasn’t recovering as well, and they weren’t sure because when they did my sonogram, like when I was at the hospital, like to check her position, she was in a perfect position when I started the whole process. They didn’t know it at the time, but by the time they pulled her out, we have to do a c-section, they, they realized that she had summed to how I was belabor. Gotten in the wrong position, a really bad position actually. They didn’t know that at the time when they recommended the C-section. They’re like, we don’t know why it’s not progressing, but it’s getting, you know, we need to get her out now. Mm-hmm. She’s not recovering very well. I was very scared because, again, I don’t know why I always get caught off guard.
I did not prepare myself for that situation. I didn’t educate myself on it in any way what c sections were like, because I just didn’t think I would do one
Jamie: Because you had a vaginal one with your first one. Yeah. So of course this one’s gonna be the same.
Amanda: Yeah. I’m just like this. She one came out of there, another one’s gonna come out, you know, I was like, what’s what? You know, didn’t expect it to go that way. So I was very surprised when she came in there and told me that. I would just had fear of having surgery, period and not knowing what was going on and you know.
They had turned off all the Pitocin, but I was still contracting and shaking and all those kinds of things. So they got me in there and my epidural was failing, so they had to try, they had to do something else. I forgot what it is, like a full, the spinal tap or something, which maybe they do that for everyone, I don’t know.
But they took my epidural out and they did this other thing where they just inject it directly into your spinal cord and numb you completely. Maybe that’s what they always do. I’m not sure. But there was a lot of stress in the actual operating room because they had kept having trouble with my iv so I had like four or five different IVs up until that point because they were I don’t know what was happening. They weren’t working, they weren’t getting, they were unable to get me stuck. And then once it would, it was something would start happening. It would come out or start burning and hurting.
It wasn’t in there like properly, which I never had a problem with that either. With my son, I had one IV the whole time. So we weren’t sure, but in the end, she started to put something into my IV that was anesthesia or something. And I screamed because my whole arm started burning. She was like, what’s wrong?
I said, my arm’s burning. She was like, okay, something’s wrong with this iv. This was a different one. So she’s scrambling, trying to get a new IV and she’s sweating bullets. And the doctor keeps asking her, are you ready? Like they’re standing there with a, tools, are you ready? She’s like, 30 more seconds, 10 more seconds.
And she just kept saying that over and over again and she couldn’t get it. And I was freaking out. I’m like, what are they gonna do if she can’t get this iv? Something was going on with my veins. I don’t know. ’cause no one could get it. Mm-hmm. And so that was another layer of stress because I was just shaking probably from hormones, but I was just physically shaking on the table.
She’s wedged in their, bless her. Wedged really hard. Backwards the wrong direction.
Jamie: Oh.
Amanda: Like she was being sucked in backwards. She was like sunny side up, transverse, like sideways. And so they had to pop her out, like push on my chest and I couldn’t even breathe. They were pushing so hard, but they got her out and then I was still scared but just like completely relieved. When she got out she started crying immediately and she did not stop crying for three hours.
Jamie: Poor thing.
Amanda: I was like, bless her. I think she was, I think she had a headache. I think she was in pain because she was wedged in there so long ’cause she cried for hours after she came out. But we were so happy that my C-section went great except for the drama with the IVs and stuff. I went back to my room and did all that fun stuff you have to do with C-section stuff.
Jamie: Yeah. Did you start breastfeeding her?
Amanda: Yeah. Okay. I did and I started right away, just like I did with my son. She did not have a good latch. It was very painful. But we never really figured out why ’cause my son never caused me any pain. But everything was different with her. Mm-hmm. So I did have a ton of pain with nursing and sometimes I was able to figure it out. But it did resolve in the end. I just kept going and it was just like, I nursed him, so I was just gonna nurse her. That’s why I just had to do what I had to do. Mm-hmm. And that’s what we did.
Jamie: And how was your recovery?
Amanda: I have to say this, my c-section recovery was actually easier than my vaginal birth recovery.
Jamie: What?
Amanda: Yes. Because my vaginal birth, I don’t think I went into this, and we don’t have to go into do too much descriptor, but my uterus pushed him out. I didn’t even push ’em out. My uterus pushed him out way too fast. Things did not just rip, they ripped, like it took them over an hour to repair me.
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: And that trauma down, you know, trauma to my, like my, you know, skin and all the trauma in that area was so severe. The C-section was way easier to heal from, I’ll say a thousand percent.
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: With him, it was very painful. For a long time I had so much pain just because it was just a sensitive area that was vulnerable and not easy to. It seemed, having it up here on my stomach, all the trauma, you know, with the scar uhhuh and the C-section was just easier to manage and protect in some way. And it was way less painful for me.
Jamie: Wow.
Amanda: How surprising. So that was unexpected in a positive way, but yeah. Yeah. The thing I was so afraid of ended up being easier in the end for me to recover from.
Jamie: Yeah. I’m sorry, I think I cut you off about breastfeeding. Oh, are you still breastfeeding?
Amanda: I am.
Jamie: Oh, that’s amazing.
Amanda: I wanna be weaning her, but she is very feisty and she just roots herself in there. Like she lifts up my shirt, she’s 10 months old almost. I swear sometimes I’ll just be sitting there playing with her and I’m thinking, okay, I’m gonna give her some formula and some baby food. And the next thing you know, I’m sitting there breastfeeding her and I don’t even know how it happened because she’s just wiggled her way in there. And I’m not thinking. And so we’re kind of trying to wean a little bit. She just eat a little bit of formula. She eats a little bit of food, but we’re working on that.
Just with my son, I just had nothing else going on at first, so I just would very just fine nursing them forever. And then with her, we do have other se things going on, and I’m just like, okay, we need to have a little bit of more structure in our day. It can’t just be nurse on demand for two years like it was with my son. Like its a lot.
Jamie: That is amazing though. I really wish I could have done that. That’s really nice.
Amanda: Well, she enjoys it.
Jamie: I bet
Amanda: she loves it. And sometimes I do enjoy it at night too, because she’s not much of a cuddle bug, but at night when she wants to nurse she cuddles.
Jamie: Tell us mentally how were you.
Amanda: You know what, right after it was actually very difficult because it was difficult with my son too in the same way is that you’re so restricted and I felt like I was missing out on life on everybody else just carrying on about their business. And I was in a little nest in a room somewhere nursing a baby all day. And that newborn time isn’t a positive time for me. It wasn’t for my son, it wasn’t for her either. It’s not a positive time for me mentally because I’m ready to just have life go back immediately and very impatient.
And I want to be going out to lunch again. I want to be doing everything again. And that’s just not happening. Mm-hmm. And so it’s very, it’s very depressing for me and it feels very dark when I’m so restricted. I just felt extreme restriction and resentment that everyone else was able to carry on and I’m not.
Jamie: And that resolved itself with time and you being able to get out?
Amanda: It did. Yeah. As soon as we went to our first family lunch and I was like, I’m a new woman. Like, I was just like the happiest I, I’ve been in weeks because we got to go out somewhere and do something normal.
Yeah. But as soon as that, and the more time that passes and the older she gets, the happier and the more excited I get because she is just, I’m not a newborn person, I am a baby toddler person, a kid person. So as soon as she moved away from that newborn stage, I was like, thank goodness. Now the fun can start.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Amanda: I’ll mention that the surprising nature of the urgency of the C-section and me not being prepared was a little bit traumatic actually. I feel like I did have to process it a little bit because I was so looking forward to being in a pain-free, medicated vaginal birth where I could be present for it in the ways I wasn’t present for it with my son because I was blinded by pain.
I was just so looking forward to experiencing that again in a present way. And so it didn’t happen that way. So I did kind of have to like let go of that and kind of process that a little. My goal was to have to first both to make it out alive. So we met that goal and just beyond, you know, beyond happy with that.
Jamie: So you have other embryos. Do you have any plans for those?
Amanda: We do not, they’re frozen now. We don’t know what to do. Of course, my husband’s like, oh, I could see he is having a third. And I’m like, Hmm, I don’t know. Because that would mean I would need to get busy pretty soon. And I’m 46 now with our 10 month old and it is very fresh in my mind. So the pregnancy part is fresh in my mind and the newborn stage is fresh in my mind.
Jamie: And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant in your forties?
Amanda: Well, they say every pregnancy is different. So I don’t know if I can attribute it to this, but I did feel like I was more tired and I always thought maybe, ’cause I’m older. Do you know what I mean? That was my biggest thing where I thought. I was so tired because I was older. That’s the only, that’s the only thing I can attribute to being in my forties, quote.
Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Being pregnant because some of the other things that shifted for me might have been just because it was the second child. Like my attitudes were different. I don’t know if that was due to age or due to me already having done this once before. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, the only thing I have a sneaking suspicion that was more difficult or different was I felt more tired, but survivable is all kids say.
Survivable. But that’s the only thing I can really clearly attribute to age.
Jamie: Mm-hmm. Okay. Is there anything you’d recommend that would help prepare someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Amanda: What I would recommend is to be, since it is such a special time and a special thing to be pregnant in your forties, to really let yourself get excited about how special it is and really enjoy all the little successes that can come along the way on your journey to being a mom again or being a mom for the first time.
And maybe not everybody would give that advice, but I think it’s such a special, just the journey in and of itself is so special to enjoy that at each step even there’s a risk of heartbreak. Yes. And you may have experienced a lot of that, but like, let yourself be really excited for how special it is to be pregnant and having a child in your forties.
And that you’re doing something really different and really courageous. I would encourage people when you do get your baby, you’ll have really good memories to look back onto as part of the journey, not just the end result, but the entire journey.
Jamie: That’s perfect. And what advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant, if you could go back?
Amanda: Oh my gosh. I don’t know. Because I don’t think I would listen to my own advice. I would’ve just been like, Hey, maybe you should educate yourself on other outcomes that could happen. Don’t be so surprised when things don’t happen, like you think they’re gonna happen. But that, that would be it. That would be it. That would be it. I would tell myself that to maybe let’s look into some of these other things. Don’t scare yourself, but also don’t go in there blind so you’re not just completely taken by surprise by some of these things.
Jamie: Yeah. And we have a lot of listeners who are trying to conceive over 40. What would you tell those ladies?
Amanda: I would tell them that there are just so many ways and options and journeys you can take to getting pregnant in your forties. And if it is really, really on your heart just explore those one at a time as it makes sense and or as your doctor recommends.
Not every solution will be for everybody, but be as open as you can if that’s really on your heart. And, just have courage. You are very courageous if you’re trying to do this in your forties. It is very special and you’re in a special community when you’re trying to get pregnant in your forties. So lean on the community.
You can find lots of really special communities online, on Instagram and on Facebook. And just know that it’s possible and you can see the evidence everywhere and keep the faith and keep the courage up and enjoy the process.
Jamie: That’s perfect. And let’s talk about how you help women.
Amanda: I’m really big into anti-aging, all the things, skincare, all the things, health and wellness and living, well longer because we’ve got these precious little ones to look after for a while longer. And we need to look and feel our tiptop best for as long as possible so we can enjoy our lives with our children and be there for all those milestones and all those moments to come. I have a lot of different products that I promote around that and tutorials.
People can find me at Amanda dot Hooper. And that’s Hooper with an H, double OPER if people thank Cooper when I say that. Yeah. Amanda dot Hooper.
Jamie: Awesome. Amanda, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Amanda: Thank you. It was really an honor and, I’m so honored you invited me to do this and I think you have an amazing podcast and you are doing something really special for this community and I’m so inspired by it.