On Episode 99, we have Stephanie on to share her spontaneous pregnancy at 43. Stephanie has been with her husband since she was 27 and married him at 39. She always wanted kids, at least one or two, but no more than three. Her husband is eleven years older than her with kids from a previous relationship and was open to having more. Once they decided to try to have a baby, she wasn’t pregnant and thought something was wrong. Her husband had kids, so she went to the doctor a year and a half into trying to conceive to get herself checked out. All tests were normal. Eventually she just let it be. At 32 they found a fibroid, so they put her on birth control to shrink it. Luckily it worked and at 34, after getting off of birth control, she was pregnant with her son. When her son turned two, she was ready to try for another baby. At about the same time they were deciding, her husband got custody of his three kids. She instantly became a mama of four boys, a toddler and three preteens. Her blood pressure was high and she thought her family was complete. Find out how her blood pressure medication may have played a role in the surprise of her daughter of 43.
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Episode 99 Transcript:
Jamie: Stephanie, welcome to the show.
Stephanie: Thanks for having me.
Jamie: And today we are sharing Stephanie’s story at 43. But before we get started, Stephanie, let’s begin you getting married and when that happened, and if you wanted kids.
Stephanie: We got married in 2020, but we have been together since when in 2009. Some things happened in between that caused us to keep pushing it back. I always wanted kids at least one or two. No more than three. I was like 27, 28 when we got together. But a couple years later I’m like, okay, let’s, try to have a baby. My husband’s 11 years older than me, so he has kids, but I wanted my own.
It didn’t happen for four years when we really started trying. And I always thought something was wrong. ’cause I’m like, why is this not happening? You have kids, I know it ain’t you, but why is this not happening? So I went and did the tests where they checked for your fallopian tube and make sure they’re open and no scar tissue or anything.
Everything was fine, all tests were normal. I would freak out about it. But it got to the point where I was like, you know what? I’m gonna just not worry about it. God, us in your hands, whatever. I just let it be.
Jamie: How long did you try to have kids before you went to the doctor?
Stephanie: Oh, I think we tried for about a year and a half or so before I went to the doctor. And it was only just me, tying the ovulations and all of that. And then I went to my doctor and I was like, okay, what’s going on? Then we set up the, oh, I cannot remember then I think it’s like histo south beo gram or something.
But we set that appointment up, did that, got the results, everything was fine. So we just kept trying for sure. And it just wasn’t happening. But, God’s timing but not mine.
Jamie: And you had fibroid, they found fibroids, correct?
Stephanie: I was 32 and then that’s when they found fibroids. They put me on a birth control to shrink the fibroids. ’cause once they get to a certain size, there’s other options. But I was like let’s do what we can without those options. Yeah, I was 32 when I had him, found the fibroids shortly thereafter. I was about 34. And I got on the birth control to shrink them and they did shrink luckily.
Jamie: So were you planning, did you want any more kids.
Stephanie: When my son turned two, like two or three, I was gonna get off the birth control and then we were gonna plan for another one. By the time he turned two, a couple months later, my husband got custody of three of his boys. I instantly became a mama, four boys in the house, which was like. What I barely knew what I was doing with the 2-year-old, and now I have to raise some preteens.
But yeah so after that I decided, no, I don’t want anymore because this is enough, right?
And but I ended up finding out that I had high blood pressure. A lot was going on at the time, so my blood pressure was elevating, but the birth control that I was on was kind of contradiction, a contraindication of the birth control that I was on and the blood pressure medication.
So I made a decision to get off of the birth control, just to at least give my body a little risk from it all and just try to get my blood pressure regulated. And yeah, two years after deciding to get off the birth control and was feeling fine and not thinking of. Having a baby here.
Jamie: Can you walk us through that story?
Stephanie: Yeah. So yes. I was late on my cycle but I didn’t think anything of it because that’s happened periodically in my life. So I didn’t think anything of it. And I was going through a phase where, I won’t say I was stressed, but I was at a place where I was just felt like something needed to change in my life.
I just wasn’t I don’t know. I just felt like I was in a house school of boys. I needed more feminine energy like. I just needed something. And so I really feel like I manifested this baby, but subconsciously, but I was just in this weird place where I’m like, okay, whatever. So I didn’t think anything about my cycle being late. And it was late September and my cycle was supposed to come Okay. Of 2023.
Jamie: You were 42 then?
Stephanie: I was 42 and then found out I was pregnant that October and then had the baby in 2024. Gotcha. Yes. So late September cycle didn’t come, whatever. I ain’t thinking about it ’cause all this is going on, but I just started realizing like I’m just a bit nauseous.
Everything is making me sick. I’m so irritated just what is going on. And with my son, when I, how I found out I was pregnant with him, it’s ’cause I was so sleepy. I fell asleep at the wheel one time.
Jamie: Oh my.
Stephanie: And that’s what really made me go to the doctor to see what was wrong. But I was so sleepy with him.
But with this one, I wasn’t sleepy at all. Was like like just nauseous. I wasn’t nauseous with my son, period at all. But this time I was very nauseous. And so me and my husband, we actually got into arguments that day and I was just like, whatever. I’m taking the keys. I’m going to the store. I just need to go get something.
He didn’t know what it was. Went and got a pregnancy test, came home, I went upstairs, took the pregnancy test. And I’m not thinking like I’m pregnant, but I’m like, let me just rule this out. Pregnancy was the farthest thing from my mind, Jamie. I was just like, maybe there’s something I ate or just, I need to change my diet.
So I go take this test. I’m like, whatever. I, pee on the stick, put the thing down. I’m sitting there playing Monopoly on my phone, and I just happened to glance over and I saw, and I was like, what the beep? So loud. I hear my husband come run upstairs. I’m like, don’t come in here. Don’t come in here. ’cause I’m like, what? This was not the plan .
Jamie: So w did you, like you were in shock.
Stephanie: Yeah.
Jamie: But were you also excited or were you, how were you feeling
Stephanie: That day I was in shock. Like the shock lasted that whole day. And like the next day I was crying because I was like, oh my God, I was just the shock of it all. And I wasn’t like, disappointed or, and so it was just like, is this really happening? And my husband was like, how’d that happen?
I’m like, really, dude?
But the initial shock of it all, and the fact that of my age, right? As I said, I’ve worked in perinatal, so I knew of, the advanced maternal age. So because of my age and my blood pressure that scared me. So I was like, I was shocked when the shock went away. I was like, okay, the reality of this situation, like I’m 42 at the time, and I have this blood pressure, which wasn’t like super uncontrolled, but I knew it was there, right? And so I’m like, I don’t know, and my husband was like we can do this. You’re fine. Blah, blah, blah. We you’ve worked out before and got your blood pressure down. We can do it again. It’s gonna be okay. He was more positive. I was more, not like negative, but just the reality of it all. Because I knew how things could go based off my healthcare background, but I just, I instantly knew she was a girl and I was excited after that.
Jamie: Oh, that’s fine. Very excited.
Stephanie: Yeah. Awesome.
Jamie: Yeah. Tell us, how was the pregnancy?
Stephanie: My pregnancy was so good. This pregnancy, I felt more feminine. I felt softer, I felt good. My blood pressure was amazing. My skin was like, and so I felt really good. I felt pretty, I felt like health-wise everything was great. Yeah, my pregnancy was really good.
Jamie: And what about your doctor? Did you just go to your OB that you used with your son?
Stephanie: I did not oh, that OB did not take my insurance anymore. Oh. So I had to find a new another. Now, that was a scare for me because I had been with my previous doctor, Dr. Speaks I had been with her for forever through trying to get pregnant, the fibroids, and then having my son, and then now having to find a new ob that was scary for me. Ones that I wanted to find, the one I really wanted, she was out on maternity leave. There was another second option. She was like, so booked and then there was a third option. I was leaving messages and no one would ever call me back. So I’m like I don’t wanna go there. So I ended up taking this other choice and yeah. So that was scary. I won’t say that she’s necessarily a bad doctor. I won’t say that, but her bedside manner. Did you some improvements?
Jamie: I’ll say that. Okay. I understand.
Stephanie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie: What was important to you when you were looking for a doctor?
Stephanie: You’re about to help me bring this life into the world, so I wanted it to be more of a relationship instead of a transaction. Like my doctor before, before I even thought of having kids, like being with her, and I didn’t expect the relationships to be the same between the old doctor and the new doctor, however. Me working in the medical field and working around doctors, I expected a little bit more from her.
Even just in totality, like her throughput or, just how thorough she was or was not. I just expected a little bit more. Yeah. But yeah I expect it to be a, at least somewhat of a relationship and understanding of okay, this is what the goal is. And this is how we’re gonna get there. Okay. Versus, hey, okay, this is, and you onto the next one. It felt like a number.
Jamie: So you said you knew it was a girl. Did you do, how did you find out or did you find out?
Stephanie: Yes, I did find out, but I just, and like I said, I think I manifested her because prior to that, I have a house full of boys, and I was praying for Lord, just, bring me some more joy. I always said, joy, bring me more joy. Bring me more feminine energy. Or whether that’s hanging out more with my girls, my friends and something, bring me new people in my path that would bring this energy to me, right? Because I just felt like I wasn’t myself, and and so I think that when I found out I was pregnant with her, like that day I kept calling her a she. She, I don’t know if I can have her like my health and, my age and, she her. I just kept calling my husband like, it’s gonna be a boy.
I’m like, no, it’s definitely a girl. It’s definitely a girl, so whatever, but I just, something in my spirit just knew it was a girl. And I think that was God giving me that feminine energy in a way that I had been praying for and giving me that joy, which her middle name is Joy.
Jamie: Oh, I love that. Tell us how you found out?
Stephanie: I’m a baseball mom, so one of my best friends and I, planned to have a gender reveal in December. No, we planned it for January to have the gender reveal. Because she’s the one that got the results. I didn’t want the results yet.
Jamie: How far along were you?
Stephanie: I was 16, 17 weeks when I got the NIPT, and then they sent the results. I was probably about going on 18 weeks or so, and so I was like, Hey, they emailed me the results, but I’m gonna just forward it over to you, because since she’s planning the gender reveal, right?
And so her and my little sister got the results. And so I’m like, but I was so anxious, like I couldn’t even sleep because I’m like, I have to know if this is a girl. Like I cannot wait. And so she didn’t even talk to me usually we’d be on the phone. Hey girl, no. She would call, Hey girl, you all right? Okay, bye. She would get off of the phone because it was hard for her to even hold it. So I’m like, why has she avoided me?
Jamie: It’s for the best.
Stephanie: But she didn’t wanna talk. Yeah, she didn’t wanna talk to me, but it was eating her up also because Uhhuh, I kept oh, I wish, I hope it’s a girl. Like I have enough boys and blah, blah, blah. And she just wanted to tell me so bad. So one day my husband and I, we were talking, I was like, I just, I gotta know, like I gotta know.
And so she happened to call. And we were playing like this whole baseball theme, right? And we just happened to call her ’cause he was like, call her and see if she’s at home. She doesn’t work. So I called, I was like, Hey, Nikia what you doing? She was like, girl, I’m at home. And I was like, okay, we headed over there.
And she’s for what? I’m like, we gonna go and get that little baseball thing that you have. ’cause she had already ordered it. I was like, forget them cupcakes and all that other stuff. We gonna find a field and we gonna throw that ball and my son’s gonna hit it and we gonna know we coming now. And so she lived like balanced, like harton, whatever.
We were in traffic.
Jamie: So how so you did it before the party?
Stephanie: Yes. I, we could not wait. It was like, forget to that party. It’s canceled. We are going to go date. It was today. Okay.
Jamie: Oh, that’s funny.
Stephanie: I was like 18, 19 weeks at that time. And yeah, so we drove over there and we picked her up and her son.
And so my husband we’re all in the truck and we’re just driving around trying to find like a park or something. And so he found this field that was in between these two apartment complexes. And he’s I’m gonna just drive up here. We’re here in a suburban. So he’s like over the curb and he drives, we get out and and so my and he throws it to my son tomorrow and my son hit that hit that ball and it came out pink and I lost.
All of my breath, like it took my breath away. I was so excited. And yeah, that’s how I found out. And there was some people on their balcony in one of these apartments and they’re like, Woohoo, congratulations. And yeah, I couldn’t even breathe. She, it took my breath away to confirm that it was a girl.
Jamie: It was confirmation more like an answer.
Stephanie: Yes. Oh, I’d love that. It was confirmation. Yeah. That was another reason why I named her Joy, because that moment was so joyous. For me and she had a whole nother middle name set, but I was like, we have to name her joy.
Jamie: It fits. So during your pregnancy, was there any product that you couldn’t live without that helped you through pregnancy that you could recommend
Stephanie: I did get a pregnancy pillow, but it was, oh, I think I was maybe second trimester going into my third trimester, and that was just when I really just started feeling the back pain. Other than that, I was fine. So the pregnancy pillow definitely helped me once I got it right. So when I really needed it, it really did help me.
I still have it. I call him my boyfriend, and the kids do not like it. I’m like, Hey, where’s my boyfriend? I named him Denzel Washington. I need my boyfriend Denzel and my kids are like, ma really What’s dad gonna think? He knows the relationship that me and Denzel have. Okay.
Jamie: So I understand.
Stephanie: So pregnancy, pillow less. And then as far as like any other product I hand make bodybuilders and stuff,
Jamie: ooh.
Stephanie: That was definitely helpful. The body oils definitely helped because I didn’t really get any stretch mark. I think I got, I saw a stretch mark come. The day before my water broke and it was just a little red mark and I was like, oh, really? You wait this long before you come, but okay, I’ll take it.
Jamie: That’s funny. Okay, so we have a house full of boys how do you prepare for this baby girl?
Stephanie: I didn’t go any classes, like my closest cousin and my best friend, one of my best friends, they have girls. So that was like my class. I’ve watched them closely. I’ve watched them grow up and I hear the stories and we talk about things. I’ve even asked them certain questions and everything. Yeah, like that. That’s been my class, really. And then I have sisters having sisters and then raising your own is different, but also to see characteristics in your own that are similar to people that you’re already close to or have been raised with. But no classes to prepare, but just my heart was already ready for her.
Jamie: Did you have any cravings or did you change your diet at all or anything?
Stephanie: I craved collared greens at first. I don’t know, I would make a pot of greens. Never did that before, but I did.
Jamie: Wow.
Stephanie: So my cra yeah, it was crazy. I wanted collard greens and pizza and lucky charms and apples.
Jamie: What a combination. A variety.
Stephanie: Yeah. Like I put the apples in the Lucky Charms, but I wanted them like together. I wanted them together. And, but yeah, other than that, but those cravings they didn’t last throughout the whole pregnancy, but it was more they came and they went. But just throughout the rest of the pregnancy it was more okay, I want this. I didn’t really create specific things, but what I wanted it and I want it now.
Jamie: How was your blood pressure during your pregnancy?
Stephanie: My blood pressure was great. During my pregnancy, I felt like I didn’t have any blood pressure issues at all, and it was my main concern, but I tracked it daily twice a day. And it would be like, one 17 over 72 and or 1 22 over like eighties, and it was. Perfect blood pressure all the way through.
There was at one point, oh, how many weeks was I 30? Was I 30? I think between 28 and 30 weeks I was having contractions. I forgot about this part. I, I started having contractions and I’m like, why are they so close? They were very close together. And went to the hospital and they gave me I, all these names just went away, right? But they gave me the shot to where it stops the contractions, right?
And came home. They were like, I was like, okay they stopped. I’m good. We drove home and by the time we exited to get on, to exit to my street, I started feeling ’em again. And I’m like, Ugh. Okay, maybe I’m tripping. Let me just go home and lay down a little bit, kids into my body and whatever. And so my husband’s okay, we got a game tonight.
’cause he coaches good boys baseball. He’s we got a game, so are you good? I was like, yeah. So they stopped for a little bit and so I’m like, yeah, if anything changes I’ll call you. I’m not here. And actually it was all star season I remember. And I’m here at home and the contractions, they’re like, okay, these are super cool.
And my best friend, Angie, she called and I was like, Hey, what doing? I’m like, I’m contracting again. And I was like, I need to call Sam, she was like I’m gonna just come over there and get you ’cause I, if he’s at the game, it’s gonna take him a minute. So I’m gonna come and get you and take you to the hospital.
He could just meet us there. So I’m like, okay. So she came and got me. We went to the hospital and so they kept me a day to monitor me. They gave me the potassium to stop it. And they, it did stop. However, I had a reaction to the potassium, oh my God, I blocked this. They gave me potassium, they stopped it, but I ended up having a reaction to that and it caused me to have a lot of anxiety at the hospital. ’cause I’m like, what is going on? I can’t breathe now.
Jamie: Oh
Stephanie: I had a reaction to the potassium and so they had to give me, what did they give me for that rine to keep me from vomiting. And something else for the anxiety. And then, oh, I can’t remember what it was all a blur and but yeah, so I had that stopped the contractions and I didn’t have anymore after that.
Jamie: Okay.
Stephanie: And that was like between 28 and 30 weeks or so. ’cause I’m like, it’s way too early for this baby to come. And so after that, everything was fine. Everything was fine throughout the pregnancy. ’cause leading up to that, there was nothing like, no issues.
Jamie: Wow.
Stephanie: And then that happened. ’cause I’m like, girl, are you trying to come just stay a little bit longer?
Jamie: Yeah.
Stephanie: We’ll see you in a minute. I’m excited to see you, but not right now. ’cause I didn’t have nothing ready.
Jamie: How was this pregnancy compared with your son?
Stephanie: I felt great throughout this pregnancy. My son, I felt great, but I think when I was pregnant with him, there were more like outside things that were affecting me. And like things that were going on that was stressful. So those things kind, just a lot of outside noise when it came to the pregnancy with my son I didn’t feel as pretty with him, but it was still a good pregnancy.
But with him, he almost came early and I didn’t have any contractions or anything, but there was no movement with him. And I think I was at 22 weeks, 20. Yeah, about 22 weeks with him. And I ended up being in the hospital ’cause he’s in there messing with the umbilical cord and calling his oxygen to go down. He still just messes with stuff.
Jamie: Uhhuh.
Stephanie: But yeah, he was in there messing with the umbilical cord. So I had to stay in the hospital for a good three days and lay on my left side. It would not let me turn over. And it as crazy as it like laying on that side, it became numb and the numbness started to hurt and I’m like, please just let me just, I couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom.
So of course I had to be catheterized, but I had to stay on that left side because that’s the side that brings more oxygen to the baby. And yeah, that was painful. But after that. The rest of the pregnancy was fine. And he came right on time. He was born maybe four days earlier than his due date, but Oh
Jamie: wow.
It was fine. So was this pregnancy with your daughter, was it easier or harder would you say? Or the same?
Stephanie: I would say with easier only because of there was no outside noise.
Jamie: Gotcha.
Stephanie: That’s fine. Okay. I was able to enjoy the pregnancy more than I was with the first one.
Jamie: Gotcha.
Stephanie: Even though the first one, the pregnancy was fine itself, but just everything else going on took away from me just actually sitting in this and being able to enjoy it. This time I was able to actually sit in this and enjoy it. And just be a girl, yeah. And just fill all the fields and get doted on and waited on and, it was nice.
Jamie: I love that. So tell us, what was your birth plan for your baby?
Stephanie: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do, ’cause I had a c-section with my son, so I was like, do I wanna try out the vaginal birth or do the C-section again so I was open to both, but still scared of both. Still terrified of both because I’m like, what? It’s coming outta what? You cutting it outta what? All of it still terrifies me, even though I’ve worked in these clinics for forever. It’s still oh my god. When it’s actually you.
I wasn’t sure on that yet. But then we ultimately we decided okay, let’s go with the C-section. And then also just the environment that I wanted. I wanted a calm environment and I had this, everything typed out and ready to hand to them and everything.
Didn’t get to do that because at the time my water broke and everything, it was like two or three in the morning Uhhuh. And so I didn’t even get to grab it and take it with me. So they have everything laid out like I wanted it to. But I talked to one of the nurses and she was able to make sure I got some of the thinkers that I wanted,
Jamie: Uhhuh,
Stephanie: just like the dim lights and, I didn’t get the soft music or anything like that, but it worked out. It was fine.
Jamie: How far along were you when your water broke?
Stephanie: When my water broke, I was 36 weeks on the dot, 36 weeks. She was born like right at four weeks early. And so I was 36 weeks and it was the 11th of June at 2, 2 30 in the morning. And actually it was about three 30 ’cause my husband had just got in the bed at two 30. He was upstairs on his computer working and I had got in the bed and laid down and was crazy. We were laying instead of like at the head of the bed, we were laying like across the bed because for some reason that was more comfortable for me. So I was like, can we sleep this way? He’s yeah babe, whatever you need.
Jamie: Oh, what a good husband.
Stephanie: So he’s it’s me, the pregnancy pillow with my husband. And we’re like, I’m sleeping. So he had just went to sleep and I’m laying there and I’m sleeping and I just feel like this trickle and I’m like. What’s that? So I’m like, let me go to the bathroom. So I go to the bathroom, and as I’m washing my hands, I’m like, trickle again. I’m like, I know I’m not doing this on myself. What? I’m like let me try to pee again. So I’m like, and it’s trickle. But I’m like, but I don’t feel nothing.
So I stand up and it’s just like trip. So with my son, it was just like, this was more like a drip. I’m like, so I’m like, okay. And then it stopped. So I’m like, I’m get back in the bed. If it happens again, I’m gonna get up and we just gonna go. And, but it was like clear, like with my son, it had a little 10th of color to it.
But anyway, so I’m laying in bed, I’m Googling like. So does your water break? Does it just feel like drops or whatever? Because it didn’t feel like that with my son. Or it was more of a gush with him. Yeah. So I’m like, can it feel like this? And it’s yes, your water’s breaking. But I’m like, dang, okay.
But I’m like, so I’m like 36 weeks, I’m Googling like 36 weeks Will your baby will? Okay. Like I’m just Googling all this stuff, trying to make sure this is what’s really happening and is she gonna be good? And all of that. And so I’m like, okay, let me get up. Mind you, I’ve already packed all of my bags and everything.
They had been packed since I went in the hospital that first time when I was contracted. So I was like, let 30 weeks, something told me to get weeks. Yeah. So told me to just get it together. So I got everything together and so I got up. It’s like I’m gonna let him sleep a little bit, but I’m gonna just at least put my toiletries, because that was the last thing I needed to pack.
But I’m like, I’m gonna put my toiletries in all the while I’m still dripping. So I have a towel on the floor and I’m just like scooting the towel as I walk. To try to pack my little toiletries and all that. Put me on some clothes, so I sit down, I was like, babe, he’s huh? I was like, my water broke.
And he’s what? Okay. So he’s freaking out. Mind you, he’s had kids, but he’s never experienced this part, right? So he’s like all over the place and I’m just like watching him run am up while I’m just waiting on him to get ready. Yeah. Yeah. He’s you okay? And I’m like, yeah, I’m good. He’s you ready?
I’m like, I’m gonna get the kids. I’m like, why? Just leave them here? He’s no, they wanna be there. So my kids were there the whole
Jamie: Wow.
Stephanie: Every step of the way. Yeah.
Jamie: That’s cool.
Stephanie: And it makes me happy because they saw. They saw everything. Not like everything, but they experienced like even some of my doctor’s appointments, like they were there, they’re like, okay, what’d the doctor say tomorrow?
My son, the 11-year-old, he’s okay. It’s it’s Friday. So you’re another week. You’re 23 weeks now. The next week. Okay. Ma, you’re 24 weeks now it’s Friday, right? Yep. Okay. Okay. And we go to how many weeks? We go to 40 weeks. Okay. Like he was keeping track of it.
Jamie: That’s cute.
Stephanie: How you feeling? Yeah. So I’m like, I’m glad that they get to see this because when it’s their time with their wives
Jamie: Yeah.
They
Stephanie: Have the knowledge, so Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah. What a great experience for them to have. That’s cool. Okay, so tell us, your husband is panicking. Everybody goes to the hospital then what?
Stephanie: Yes. Everybody goes to the hospital and they’re like Nintendo and headphones and blankets and pillows and they’re just, they’re ready and waiting and that, he’s, of course he’s back there with me, but then he’ll, check on them. I’m like, check on the kids. They’re in the weight room. And they’re letting, he’s letting ’em know baby’s coming. And they’re like, okay. So when they finally meet her, like she’ll send you some of those pictures like just the wonderment, like in their eyes, like it, it was a blessing to see.
Jamie: Walk us through what happened
Stephanie: there, so when I had her, of course, I had a C-section and they, oh, how did it go? I got there because by that time my contractions were a little heavier or more intense, and so they get me back there and everything went by.
I wanna see. No, it didn’t go by fast. It seems at the time it went by fast, but it didn’t because she wasn’t born till seven forty eight in the morning. So I get there and of course there’s this process of intake and all of that. So my sons, they’re waiting and, they can come visit with me at this point, they’re just like, I can’t wait to see her.
Oh, she’s gonna look like me. Oh, she’s gonna be, and anyway, so when it’s time. I actually had an anxiety attack on the table right before the C-section started. No. Yes, because. I don’t even know the thought of this is a new doctor. I don’t know these people. Nobody in here looks like me.
Like I’m telling them I feel this way and she’s not paying attention. It just freaked me out. And and the fact that oh my God, I’m 42 43 and I’m about to get cut open. These people aren’t listening to me. It was just, it was a lot. And so I freaked out and you hear the heart rate monitor and it was just like beep.
It was just going up and up, and so the anesthesiologist was like yeah, I think you’re having an anxiety attack. And I’m just like, he, yeah. And he ended up giving me a little barf bag and I was just talking to me and trying to calm me down. I’m like, just get my husband in here. He wasn’t in there yet.
And I’m like, please, just get him in here. Just get him in here. And when he came in, I was just like, okay. Okay. You hear the monitor, like the heart rate slows down a little bit. And I’m like, okay, let’s just get this, let’s get it going. And so they, did the C-section and just when I, they raised her up and I saw her little face.
And of course the tears flowed and all of that because she’s just she’s everything.
Jamie: Did they give you an option to have a vaginal birth because you were already in labor or was it just like a c-section is the plan?
Stephanie: The c-section was the plan. But when I got there I was like, oh, I was just like, can I go ahead and have the vaginal birth or whatever? And I just felt no one was really listening to me. I just, no one was really listening. It was a different hospital than where I had my son. And I just didn’t feel like I just, it’s like the energy that I was getting from the doctor I got at the hospital as well during the birth process. Okay. If that makes sense. I just had, I had one nurse really that paid attention, but she can only do so much, but yeah.
Jamie: How did breastfeeding go with her?
Stephanie: It was a struggle at first. Like she would latch, it’s like she was sun timing with her latch. It’s okay, I’ll latch today. Okay, tomorrow I’ll lash today, so I’m like, you are a bougie, high maintenance little girl. But she did latch for the most part. But I of course made sure I was pumping and all of that. And then eventually I just kept pumping, I think, oh, she was maybe. Maybe about five or six months when I just was like, okay, her leg is becoming very few far in between and it’s getting more difficult. So I just kept pumping until she was about 13 months.
Jamie: That’s great.
Stephanie: Yeah. Thank you.
Jamie: How was your experience pumping? Because you were, you did it full time, basically.
Stephanie: Yes. Did it full time? It was challenging. I won’t say a struggle. It was challenging because you hear of all of these people who are like over suppliers, right? Yes. I’m like, I just wanna be, I wanna be that because I wanna be able to donate milk back ’cause that donated milk helped me, and my baby. So I wanna be able to give that back yes, no. That wasn’t it. I was not a over supplier at all. I was a just enougher
Jamie: and that’s okay.
Stephanie: Just enough.
Jamie: That’s perfect.
Stephanie: It is. Okay. And it was a blessing. However it was, I don’t, I’m trying to use the word stressful, but it, I would always be a concern because certain things will make your supply drop.
Oh, if you’re stressed or if you’re sick or something. And I’m like, if my supply drops below this just enough, is it gonna be enough? Will I have enough? So that was always a concern of mine. And then, I worked up to build a freezer sash and then, and so we have a separate fridge in the garage. Power went out one night and we didn’t know. And yeah. So I lost that whole sash.
Jamie: Oh, how sad. If you cried. That’s okay.
Stephanie: Yes, I cried for days. Yeah. And yeah, so I had to like, try to build that back and it was very hard then I ended up getting sick and my supply dropped, so I had to take from that stash, you know what I’m saying? And then, yeah, it was hard. It was very hard. Yeah. But I made it to 13 months.
Jamie: You worked hard.
Stephanie: And it, yeah. And what’s crazy is that I miss it for some reason. I didn’t know that you could grieve the process of not breastfeeding or pumping anymore. It’s crazy. I somewhat miss that little time because sometimes it would create moments of just time for myself. You know what I mean?
Jamie: Yes.
Stephanie: Just pump. And we were just, the fact that i’m providing this for my baby, yes. Yeah. And yeah I do miss it sometimes. I’ve kept all of my supplies. I don’t even know where I’m holding onto them.
Jamie: I ha I’m the same way. And that moment, like at four and three in the morning, you’re like, I just get to do nothing.
Stephanie: Yeah. Yes. Best silence ever.
Jamie: That’s funny. Yeah, you’re right. I get that. Okay. Oh, so tell us about your recovery. How was it? Because it was tough.
Stephanie: Yes. It was very tough. After having my baby on June 11th I was home on June 14th. She was just three, four days old. Three days old. I got home on the 14th. But I started experiencing some pain that I had never. Felt before. So I’m like, okay, maybe this is just a different C-section pain.
I’m a little older now. Okay. Having first baby at 32, now I’m 43. Maybe it’s just different. But something kept telling me like, I want to pay attention to my body. But I’m like, no, this pain is not worth the C-section. Scar is, this is somewhere else. This is different. I’m not able to move.
It just got so excruciating one day and my husband’s we’re gonna go to the hospital, right? So we went to the hospital. I’m explaining this pain of course some people just don’t believe me. But there was this one nurse again who was like, I got you, okay. Brianna, I’ll never forget.
She was like, I got you. And I’m explaining things to her. She had to walk me to the bathroom. She had to lift my legs ’cause I couldn’t move ’em. Even like we have a suburban, like trying to get up in the truck. Yeah, I don’t wanna do it again. I couldn’t like laugh like my husband, like we laugh all the time in his family.
I couldn’t even laugh. Like it was just hard. So anyway, to the hospital, they running all this tests and all this comes back. I have a rec rectal sheath, rectus sheath hematoma, which is basically I’m bleeding out in my abdomen. I’m bleeding out in my abdomen. I’m asking for answers like how have this happened?
Did something go wrong in the C-section? Nobody’s able to tell me anything, whatever they just said, a blood vessel tion. Actually, I didn’t get that answer until after I’m sent home from the hospital and I follow up with my doctor. So this is a week or so later, right? Oh my gosh. Of me being released from the hospital.
Geez. So anyway, I have a rectal sheath hematoma. That’s this bleeding gl me bleeding in my abdomen. It stopped bleeding out, but it coagulated, which made this bleeding jelly-like substance of blood right in my abdomen. It’s too thick for them to drain and it’s too fatal for them to do surgery and get it out.
So I had to basically wait to see if my body will reabsorb this naturally. In that waiting process, I, if I made a sudden wrong movement, or bit too much, or bent the wrong way or lived the wrong way or. Could be doing anything, it could rupture again and I would bleed out and not be here. So that’s scary.
’cause I’m like, any day something could happen and I won’t be here, the pain of that, the sadness of that brought on postpartum depression for me. The healing process with that was very long. I had the baby in June, found out about this hematoma by the end of June. I didn’t start feeling like myself until or close to myself until November.
So that’s a long process of healing after having a baby versus oh, six weeks. You’re able to do what you normally do.
Jamie: Yeah.
Stephanie: It wasn’t for me. So I’m just getting back into feeling like me and oh, okay, I’m able to go on my walks or maybe I can jog a little bit or run after my toddler, so yeah, it was a very long and scary healing process.
Jamie: How long did it take to go away?
Stephanie: They said it takes about two to three months based off what, the doctor said and what I’m researching, it takes two to three months to go away. Mine took about four months to go away.
Yeah. Yeah. A long time. Even though they said it wasn’t there, just the mental aspect of, or the, just the mental part of that. I’m just like, is it really going away? Any twinge y’all feel? I’m like, Hey, I need to get into the doctor. Can you do an ultrasound? Like anything, because I wanted to just be sure.
Jamie: Yeah.
Stephanie: That it’s gone. And I’m still like, subconsciously cautious of the things that I do and who wants to live like that, but it’s there, and sometimes it makes me really emotional. Like even like about a week ago I was just in the bathroom, grooming myself and just sometimes it comes to me and I just started crying because it was very scary.
Yeah. And sometimes I could talk about it and it doesn’t bother me, but there’s moments where I’m like, I could’ve gone, yeah. And yeah. It’s definitely, it was hard. It’s very hard.
Jamie: Yeah. It was a life threatening experience. I understand how you can get emotional about that.
Stephanie: Yeah.
Jamie: Is there anything else you wanna mention about your pregnancy or birth?
Stephanie: It was a beautiful experience. The pregnancy. Some parts were a little scary, but all in all it was a blessing. It was definitely a blessing. Definitely an eyeopener. But yeah, just to other women, just ride the wave, honey.
Jamie: Yeah. And tell us, do you have more plans to have kids in your forties?
Stephanie: I do not. My husband is so open to it, but I don’t know. The thing is that I would, but with having that hematoma, like that scared me.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Stephanie: I don’t know if, and sometimes I’m like, oh I really could have another one. Like I could, but it’s, it was just so much joy. But I’m like, the reality of it is, will that be best?
Because I don’t want that happening again. Or it’d be worse. That’s the part that scares me the most. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. Okay. Yeah.
Jamie: And what has been your biggest challenge being pregnant in your forties?
Stephanie: The biggest challenge of being pregnant in my forties was, I would say just the, ’cause my blood pressure wasn’t an issue during the pregnancy.
But when it came down to it, at the latter end of it, the preeclampsia, it did come. Even though I was tested for it earlier, it did come later in the pregnancy. So that was a concern. I wanted to make sure that, I and the baby was okay. But then just other than that, the people are always gonna have something to say.
Even to this day, I get judged about, I don’t she have baby in 43, this is my uterus. Okay. But there, there’s a lot of judgment in it, but it is just noise.
Jamie: Yeah.
Stephanie: And we can shut out noise. Yeah. Other than that, it was great. I just setting up boundaries was, I won’t say a challenge, but it’s very important to create boundaries with people, family included
Jamie: yeah. Yeah. And is there anything you’d recommend that would help for someone for pregnancy and birth over 40?
Stephanie: I would recommend boundaries are important because your peace of mind and your health is what’s gonna help you bring this baby into the world, right?
Your support system and making sure you have systems in place, right? Yeah, making sure the communication with your doctor is great, and if you don’t have a doctor or that, that has great communication, get a doula or coach or just somebody close to you that’s gonna be an advocate. Pay attention to your body.
Know how you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel, you know what you’re experiencing. I feel like pregnancy and motherhood gives us another, it’s like our seventh sense that, your sixth sense, maybe your common sense, but motherhood is something totally different. So there’s a superpower there that other people may not understand, so lean into that and just be aware and be very self-aware. Yeah. But I feel like I, I never thought I would have a baby over 40 and I feel like I feel stronger in doing so, and I feel like it’s a beautiful thing. I feel like I’ll live longer because of that, and I think it’s a great time ’cause 40 is awesome.
I didn’t think that, I would say that at younger ages like 40. What? That is so old. It is not, it is a really good place to be in. So I think it’s a blessing. And just go ahead, do it.
Jamie: I love it. What advice would you give yourself when you were pregnant? If you could go back?
Stephanie: I would give myself the advice of what I just said. I wish somebody had told that to me.
Jamie: And a lot of our listeners are trying to conceive over 40. What would you tell those women?
Stephanie: I would tell them to relax in your femininity and trust that your body is gonna do exactly what it’s meant to do and not to worry , because that caused this ease and disrupts all the harmony that we naturally have within our bodies. Our bodies, they know what to do. They’re very fascinating. Try not to even think about it. Of course you’re gonna think about it, but just don’t let that, don’t let it consume you, and trust that trust in timing, like God’s timing. Everything is gonna happen, just when and how it’s supposed to. You have to trust and lean into that.
Jamie: I love that. And let’s talk about your business real fast. How do you help other women?
Stephanie: Rooted in joy? Maternal wellness is I’m so excited, but it’s my new baby and it’s called Rooted in Joy, and it’s JOI after my daughter’s middle name. And it comes from a space of where I was during my pregnancy and not having a doctor that would listen to me or give me the time of day. And it comes from a place of being in pregnancy and postpartum depression. And not having a person I could lean on or someone I could express these things too that would understand.
And even, with having the complications that I had, not knowing anyone else who had experienced the same thing. Okay. And so Prote and Joy came about because I just wanted to be that person that women could come to, or a safe space. A sacred space where they could come and discuss certain things about the pregnancy.
Be guided through certain things in the pregnancy or even. If like with motherhood, we tend to lose ourselves, right? And there’s a certain rediscovery that we have to do when it comes to okay, some people are seeing like, oh, I’m just a mom. No, you’re not just a mom, you’re still a woman.
You’re still like, and I tell my kids all the time, I was Stephanie before I was mom, so I’m gonna get back to Stephanie before mom. ’cause mom is just a role, right? That’s one of the very important role. But we still have to remember who we are in our core, because that’s gonna help us be a better mom.
So it’s about just getting through motherhood and postpartum and self discovery again in this new space because you’re becoming a whole new version of you. And so let’s just try to get to know that person.
Jamie: I love that. So this is like one-on-one coaching?
Stephanie: Yes, it is. It is. Like I said, I have a background in healthcare and then went to school and got my degree in with an emphasis in health and wellness. So it’s more of wellness as well as the coaching you through this journey. So a little bit of holistic and western combined. It come from a really genuine, the genuine space. And I hope that people can, resonate and, and see that.
Jamie: I love that. Now tell us, can our listeners connect with you?
Stephanie: I am on all social platforms that I am rooted in. Joy. Joy is spelled JOI. So I am rooted in joy on Instagram and TikTok and threads. I believe on Facebook, it’s just rooted in joy. And then my website is www.rootedinjoy.com.
Jamie: Wonderful.
Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story, Jamie. Thank
Stephanie: you. I appreciate you having me.